Gather round, and I shall tell you the story of how things once were... long, long ago. When the world was yet new and its fate still hung in the balance. When everyone still believed in magic and all things seemed possible.
Best you get a drink and some snacks before starting. I'll wait.
Welcome back.
Now, the tale begins with three young farmhands who had not yet settled down in life, but dreamt of going out into the larger world and seeking their fortune. Their names were Metyssa Slendergoth, Dunius Wiskyton, and Milillia Shovelstokk.
Metyssa was a River child, born and raised to water. She considered herself very fortunate to have been born in such beautiful natural surroundings and she had a reputation around the village of being a girl who kissed back if you kissed her - especially after a bottle of whisky.
One nightly romantic encounter was with Dunius, who often said he was as unlucky as Metyssa was lucky, though the truth was, his own laziness had a lot to do with his misfortunes. Like many virile young men, he lived for interludes of the physical kind. Where he differed - his best friend died at a tragically young age of a winter fever, leaving behind a daughter Dunius felt quite protective of.
Lastly, Milillia. The odd one out in the connective tissue of our heroes and the oddest person in the entire village. Legend has it that when she was born, all the men in the village became sick. She also often spoke of a dream where a rare sirloin appeared and prophesized her fate. No one thought that steak had any stake or say in how the blonde girl would turn out, though. Other than believing she'd soon be changing farms - to the funny one in the capital city.
How these three came to band together?
One fine, sunny, cloudless spring morning, Metyssa walked to the village, musing on Dunius's failed schemes. The breadbaking business that failed to rise. The dice-making venture that no one was interested in. The newfangled printing press that broke the first time he tried to use it and proved unrepairable.
And then she smelled the smoke.
To her horror, the town was ablaze, fire consuming every rooftop she could see.
Metyssa's first thought was Dunius. Had he accidentally started a major fire by trying to make breakfast as he had the morning after their tryst? It was absolutely wretched, she remembered - undercooked to the point of later diarrhea. Had he gone the complete opposite way this time? That would be like him.
She scurried through the town, beating out a few small fires with her woolen tunic before entering Dunius's house. What she found: He didn't start the fire, but he was locked in his bedroom and armed with a bow.
"What did you do?!" she shouted after he let her in.
"I didn't do anything! There's a monster trapped in my garden, though! Grab a weapon!"
She wanted to argue, but instead, betrayed by her breakfast-musing brain, grabbed the frying pan that for some inexplicable reason wasn't in the kitchen where it should be.
They rushed outside, where they found the monster - a weird cross between a wild boar and a deer. Duniu's first shot missed, but his second struck home. Metyssa ran forward and promptly killed the creature with one swift swing of the frying pan.
"You look tense," Dunius quipped as he walked up to the corpse.
Metyssa glowered.
"That's because I was ready to jump out of the way if it was still alive. Nothing's ever going to hit me again after I kill something, I can tell you that much."
"Um, okay. Sorry you had to get up close and personal. I've got some quellingmoss I picked the other day. Guess I'll start dipping my arrows in it so hopefully things will just die without you having to do it."
Metyssa didn't ask why he was picking poison, but when they cleaned and skinned the beast later and found a belt with intricately woven metal links inside its stomach, she immediately claimed it as hers. Dunius didn't argue.
They later sold the pelt for an ingot.
As the townspeople emerged and began cleaning up from the fire, which thankfully went out of its own accord a short time later, Metyssa remarked, "We should probably go check on Milillia. That weirdo probably is trying to make one of those things a pet or something and is in trouble."
"Milillia?" echoed Dunius. "Nah, she's probably out at those old ruined tower writing one of her creepy stories."
"We're going to look for her anyway. That tower is creepier than any of her stories. It's real."
Dunius was on the verge of arguing the point when he spotted monster tracks heading in the direction of the tower. The pair walked on silently, following the lead.
The truth Dunius didn't dare admit - he actually loved Milillia's stories and knew she valued her alone time for writing. Though Metyssa was amazing in bed, when he tended to himself, it was always that weird blonde girl he thought of. No matter how hard he tried not to. It annoyed him, but there it was.
As if reading his thoughts, Metyssa broke the silence.
"You've got a thing for her, don't you?"
"What? No!"
"Liar. You're always laughing at her jokes."
Dunius scowled at the taunt in smirking Metyssa's voice.
"I laugh because she's weird, okay? Weird people are funny."
"Uh huh. Sure."