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Hi, I have 2 children: Ethan, a 5 1/2 year old and Alex, a 3 1/2 year old.
They both have trouble listening to me and my wife. I am at work all day, and my wife is home all day, so it doesn't show up to me as much as it does my wife. My wife also babysits, and at various times of the day can have up to 4 other children ranging from 2 to 5 in the house as well.
The biggest problem I think that my wife has is a quick fuse. She comes down on them, hard, a lot, especially my oldest. I think Ethan is basically a good kid, but she rarely praises him. I worry about his self-esteem a lot, and am not sure about how to bring this up to my wife in a gentle way, to tell her that she needs to back off of him a bit and let him grow up. I don't want him growing up thinking he is a bad child or mean. More often than not, he will share without being asked, and will do nice things like get an extra piece of candy for his brother or things like that. But he does have problems staying focused, and will sometimes just seem to lose his mind and do something like trying to rip down his curtains for no apparent reason. He loves seeing how things work, and a lot of times is trying to rip things apart to see what they look like inside, I think. But all of this seems to be lost on my wife, who comes down with a hammer on the slightest of indiscretions.
I love my wife and my children both, and am trying my best to handle this. The other day, when we were teaching Ethan his "sight words" (about 35 words on flashcards that he is learning to read by sight), he started having trouble and my wife started coming down on him as normal (WHY AREN'T YOU LOOKING AT THE CARDS? YOU KNOW THIS ONE! HOW MANY TIMES DO WE HAVE TO GO OVER THESE?) when she finally gave up and gave the cards to me. I proceeded to calmly help him through them, and he did very well, even seeming to pick up on things a bit better (like noting that you can't just look at the first letter to figure out what the words are). There are times when it seems like he's not trying with the cards, but I think you can more gently guide him through than she does, and I tried to show her that. I can only hope, through my continued actions, that I will show her how to be more patient with him. I think part of it stems from when he was a baby and had colic. He cried for 6 months straight, it seemed like. He has always been a bit fussy, and has a mouth when it comes to my wife... she loves him greatly, I know that, but has a hard time being patient with him.
All I can do is forge on, hope for the best, and try and help us all be a bit calmer.
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