Quote:
Originally Posted by Radii
Of course I don't know the individual situations your son has experienced, but I know your feelings on affirmative action and "fairness" and they come from a place of complete lack of empathy, they reek of desperately trying to hold on to a white privilege that honestly isn't going anywhere. Your kid comes from a good, white middle class family. He's got literally every advantage in the world. If you let him walk away from this situation resenting blacks or women without learning about the decades.. centuries of institutionalized racism and sexism and learning just the tiniest bit of empathy to understand that not everyone wins the genetic lottery like he did, then you've not only failed your child but you've failed our society as a whole.
|
Well, I have typed up two separate responses and deleted them. Hopefully, third time is the charm.
I never realized that being my child was considered winning the genetic lottery, but ok. I would not say that my feelings come from a lack of empathy, but rather a not letting extraneous details get in the way of things. At some point, all adults make the transition from child to teen to adult. We can either choose to follow the path our parents laid out for us, or we can choose to do something different.
My wife is a great example of this. Her father left her mother when she was 5. For the next few years, her household did not donate to the Salvation Army, they were provided many things by the Salvation Army. After several years, her mom remarried and their prospects improved. However, no one paid for her schooling and she did not have the best grades. She paid her way through school using loans. Her older sisters both moved out by the time they were 17/18. She had a choice, no one would have blamed her if she moved out as soon as she could, but she stuck it through, went to college, and earned her degree.
I tell this story because it matches my beliefs. She had hardship in her life, but she made a game plan and pursued it to make a better life for herself. She did not have a stable home life. She was definitely not middle class, but she did what she needed to be able to provide for herself.
One of my best friends in college came from just outside of the projects in Chicago. He busted his ass and went to a college prep school in the NW suburbs. He got up every morning at 4:30 to take the train so he could get to school. He got a scholarship to Illinois in Champaign. What wasn't paid by the scholarship, he paid for by working in the cafeteria and as an RA. When he graduated, he got a job with Leo Burnett in Chicago which was one of the most prestigious advertising firms at the time.
I lost touch with a decent friend of mine growing up. We went to different high schools and lost touch. During this time, his parents split up. He lived with his mom along with his sister, and his mom could not keep up with their old house and had to move to a lower income neighborhood. His mother wanted him to go to college, instead, he enlisted in the army. His reason was he was so filled with anger over his dad leaving, and he needed discipline in his life. When he finished, he went to UT Knoxville on the GI Bill (or variation thereof). He got a degree in IT and wound up running the IT department of a couple of different hospitals in Memphis (I reconnected with him at this point). His sister died shortly after she gave birth, since the father had left, he took in his niece, and renovated his house so his mother could live with him and they could raise the baby. He moved to Minneapolis and was a big wig with IT at United Health (I believe it was United).
My point with these stories, and the latter two the subject of the stories were both black, this is from my experience, I have seen more success from people with broken homes pulling themselves up and not relying on handouts. They realized that to make a better life for themselves, they need to take ownership of their lives. In the second story, my buddy used his HS job to help pay for his HS tuition.
Compare these stories to one of my sister in laws that is waiting for her parents or someone else to come help her out. Doing the right thing on her own is too hard. The problem I have with her, is she has been extended a hand several times, and chose not to do it. My wife and I after we got married offered to give her free room and to hook her up with a job that would pay for college (not earn money for it, the company would pay for her schooling as well as pay her a wage). She is always waiting for someone else to do the work for her, rather than her taking ownership of her life.
In my case, the easy way to describe me was a mini-Ferris Bueller (not as popular though, and did not take any days off). My problem in college was I didn't know how to study. I also felt that it was the job of the professors to teach. What I did not understand early, it was MY responsibility to make sure I was making the most of the resources open to me. It was MY responsibility to make sure I was learning the material. It was MY responsibility to speak up when I needed help. It was not the school's, it wasn't the professor's, it wasn't my family's, it was MY job to make sure that I did what was required to graduate.
I do not care what you call it, but when some one grows up and takes ownership of their life, and realizes that they are ultimately the one that is in control of their life, they will be much happier. It is also empowering when you come to this realization. It applies to every aspect of society. At work, you are in control of how much value you bring to the organization. At well run businesses, you will be compensated in accordance to your value. If you think you are not, find another place to work. In relationships, you are in charge of the value you bring to the relationship. If you are not getting the value you believe you should, then you need to reevaluate the relationship.
I say all this because by taking control of your life (and holding yourself accountable for your actions), you wind up leading a fuller life. How would I apply this to the previous conversation, with regards to my son, he has to be aware of the situation. He has to evaluate whether the benefits of his actions are worth the risks.
Regarding a lack of empathy, no. As I mentioned, I have been the subject of unwanted advances from other males. I have had racial epithets and names hurled my way. I have a decision in these cases. I can allow them to have control over me by my reaction, or I can ignore it. I choose to ignore it. Depending upon the situation, if it gets to be too much, I leave. In these cases, I try to not let their words or comments have any control over me.
While we give to charity, I encourage my kids to do mission work in the US (not overseas), for several reasons. To help others. To see how others live and to appreciate what we have. To build bridges with those less fortunate than us. I also hope they learn to leave the world in a better place than when they found it. This is consistent with my ethos elucidated here, do what you can, what you can control, to make things better. Don't rely on Washington, don't rely on the government, try to help those around us ourselves. If we make a difference locally, than nationally things should take care of themselves.
If these beliefs mean I do not care for others, if it means I am trying to maintain my white privilege, if it means I put concerns about taking care of things locally first, so be it.