[Izulde]

May 17th is Graduation Day and I've been trying to enjoy the last few weeks of my undergrad career, but I haven't wholly been able to.

This waiting has been driving me insane and I've taken to a diet of clove cigarettes and Code Red. Keep rotating music listening between 50s/60s doo-wop, 90s R&B and eurodance and 00s boy bands and K-pop.

SJSU in particular has me nervous, because their TA training is in May and I still haven't heard from them. I'll be honest, if I don't get a TAship from them, I don't go, because I can't afford living in San Jose and paying tuition without it.

A month ago I was pretty sure of my chances of getting into at least two of these three schools, but after Oregon State rejected me, I'm starting to get paranoid I'm not good enough and there's two more rejection letters waiting with my name on them.

I'm trying to be nice and fatalistic about the whole thing, but it's just not working right now.

On the bright side, it's been easy academically this semester, save for Stats because I have this mental block with math and I'm actually thankful for classes because they pass the time.