Quote:
Originally Posted by Radii
1) Helping to clean some when you're over there is huge, anything you can do to make any progress in a moment is likely appreciated.
2) Once the house is cleaned to the best of you guys' ability/willingness (on her part), would it be possible for her to hire a service once a week to come clean, just to prevent it from getting out of control again?
3) Does she see a psychologist? Would she be open to it if not?
As someone who has a lifelong struggle with keeping my space clean in general, accepting that this probably won't get much better on her own and coming up with a longer term plan other than just getting things cleaned up this once is likely critical.
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So after yesterday and thinking about everything this morning I decided I needed to go over there today and just take care of some of this. Cleaned, washed walls, vacuumed spider webs in every room on the walls and corners. She was very appreciative for the work that I did, and we talked again about the concerns that I've had and how dangerous I feel like the position that she's in. We have done #1 and I've told her someone will come over and haul trash out.
Regarding #2. One thing I mentioned to her was that I felt like she needed to get it cleaned up, right now, no matter the condition that it was in. That she needed to accept that the cleanliness was the most important, along with her health. Once that's done, she would have the pressure off to keep the regular stuff under control with a regular person coming, and she would want to get the rest of it under control. So that was what I tried to impart to her today.
Regarding #3. I am a big proponent of it. I have told her for years that she needed to, but she's been super religious and both had a distrust of therapists (very private, strangers, stuff like that) and the idea that only God or the Pastor would be worthy to help her. Finally last year she started talking with someone and the result was immediate. She's been off and on with Covid, but I've still stressed it.
I had her working with a professional organizer for a while, but my mom got sick, couldn't work with them, and then nothing got done, and all the money she spent was wasted. I've been blunt. Gotta get rid of stuff. She just can't keep 60 years worth of stuff that means something to her, when nobody else has any idea why, or what it means to her.
Radii, you're spot on it. I mean, nail on the head. I just hope that she can commit and makes these decisions and I'll feel better. We're so close to being empty nesters, the idea of starting to 'parent my parent' isn't so appealing.