Figured I would report back in on this. Surprised that it was over a year ago that I posted the poll. Times flies!
I'm happy to report that I did actually start meditating after I posted this thread. I started out using the
Calm and
Simply Being apps. Especially in the beginning, I felt like I needed a guide. Plus, I found Tamara Levitt's voice (on
Calm) to be soothing to listen to, so that helped. Eventually, however, I started to find her breaking in every now and then to say something to be distracting, so lately, I have just been meditating in a quiet, darkened room with some wave-noise playing in the background (to drown out the TV show that my wife is usually watching down the hall in the family room). I don't meditate every night, but I'd estimate that it's a good 5 nights out of 7 on average. I do have streaks where I go a bunch of days without missing one, but then some nights I'm too tired and decide to skip it.
Like others have reported, some nights go pretty well and I feel like I'm doing a good job of focusing on following my breath. Other nights, it's constant distraction and pulling myself back. I realize that's par for the course, and I don't get upset if I get distracted. I just non-judgmentally move my attention back to the breath. Like others have said, coming back to the breath is like doing another rep. Recently, I've been trying to breathe through my nose, but I find that to be more difficult to follow. I feel more sensations breathing through my mouth. Sometimes I try focus on my stomach going up and down.
At times I go back to the
Calm app because I find their meditation series on certain topics are helpful to me. I've always struggled with self-esteem issues, and I feel like Tamara's "7 days of self-esteem" series does help me to some degree. In general, I'd say that I'm less harsh on myself than I have been historically. I'm coming to terms with the fact that I've never been motivated to be a high achiever, and that this trait doesn't make me a lesser person. After I've worked an 8-hour day, I'm pretty much done. I don't want to be the person working 12-hour days and over the weekend. I've always needed downtime. I like to spend time with my family or just doing my own thing. I've never really defined myself by my job like some people do. My path has always been to find a job that I am good at but that I can put aside as soon as the work day is done. Most of my college friends (and my older brother) are more achievement oriented, so if I compare my career with theirs, I don't come out looking all that great. I'm just not built to be a business leader or a doctor or a psychologist. I'm content being a very competent person who works in a supporting role on a team. I've never wanted to be the one calling the shots. I don't want to lead meetings. I feel like meditation has helped me stop judging myself negatively for being the way that I am. I'm not less valuable because I don't value "getting ahead" like many of my peers do. My family has a nice house and nobody is left wanting. We're doing well enough in my book.
I've also been listening to talks by folks like Ram Dass and Gelong Thubten on YouTube. I feel like I'm slowly moving toward more of an Eastern perspective on the world. I kinda think they get some things right that we Westerners get wrong (materialism being one of the main things we get wrong). I feel like I would be just as happy or maybe even happier with less stuff and a simpler existence. I also enjoy listening to Stephan Schwartz and his talks about doing the quotidian choice where you try to make your everyday choices based on the greater good. For instance, buying a product from a company that is friendlier to the environment rather than buying one that is cheaper but from a company that abuses the environment. (It actually ties in nicely with the vegetarian lifestyle that I chose for myself several years back.)
Anyhow, there's my report. I feel like I'm making progress on becoming a better version of myself. I try to be kinder and more patient these days, not that I'm all the way there yet. I still get mad a slow drivers and crap like that. I have lots of room left for growth.
Oh, here's one last little nugget. Before I started meditation, I tried this game called Mindball at the CT Science Center where two people try to move a ball by producing alpha and theta waves in their mind. The first time, I was terrible at it! Lost every time. Then, late last year, we went back to the science center again, and this time, I crushed everyone I went up against. So that was a tangible result from taking up meditation, which was nice, because a lot of the time, I feel like meditation is doing good things, but it is hard to say why I feel that way or quantify anything. So now I have something to show for it!
