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Radii · 04-20-2015, 11:09 PM

Closing Thoughts

There's going to be a lot here to be said in closing I think. My intent here is to review each practice we learned in class, to touch on what I'm doing right now and what my hopes/intentions are as far as continuing to practice. Lastly, and probably most importantly, at least for dynasty purposes, what differences do I note in myself that I attribute to things I've learned in this class or from my actual practice with meditation so far.

Mindfulness Practices

-- I'll address these in the order in which we learned them for the most part.

Body Scan

I haven't done this in a long time. I'll talk more specifically about it when I get to what I'm doing right now and what I have some general aim to do in the future. This is the only practice that I pretty much require to be guided through. Everything else I can "do by myself". This one I need help. I find myself distracted during this more than with any other thing. More than any other practice, I go into this one with "expectations" the most. I know what I'm feeling on the surface. I know what's the most sore, what hurts the most, where I'm uncomfortable. Sometimes I struggle at all to get past that to observe what else is there for me.

I've commented a couple times that the practices that seem the most difficult may be practices I should dedicate some time to, they seem difficult for a reason that may be worth working on.

Mindful Eating

There are a couple practices where I have said "I already have other ways of dealing with this", or with the concerns a practice seems to aim to address. Mindful Eating seems a logical thing that someone who was extremely obese should maybe care about. But, honestly, I just don't, and have never for a moment been able to make myself care about this whenever I've tried it. Maybe I'll "re-discover" this at a later time in a different situation. For now, its just out.

Sitting Meditation

So I have a weird observation. Sitting Meditation/Mindfulness Meditation, it wasn't introduced with any sort of flourish. It wasn't the first thing we learned. It was introduced just as another thing you can do if you want. I find that interesting in retrospect. We started by learning to simply focus on our breath and acknowledge things that come up that distract from breath (usually thoughts, but sounds/sensations too). We've learned variations where we intentionally take the awareness away from the breath to these other things, thoughts/sounds/sensations/everything at once. Reading about mindfulness on the internet outside of class, seeing how many other things start with something similar to sitting meditation... this is now very obviously the core of daily practice. Do some people go through this class and decide they love the body scan and mindful eating and walking meditation but they hate this stupid sitting thing so they never do it again? Maybe... but that seems like its probably quite rare.

I enjoy this practice, a lot. I find it rewarding. I find it to be different every time I do it. Most strong reactions and strong experiences that I've had in my practice have come during this. Sometimes I sink into this and my 15 or 20 minutes goes by and my alarm goes off and I would have guessed that 3 minutes had gone by. Sure, that happens all the time when I'm on a big time autopilot. But to have that "time flies" experience when all I'm doing is sitting and breathing is fascinating. It doesn't happen often of course

Sometimes during this practice it feels like every bad feeling I've ever had decides to come up and hammer me over the head while I take away all my distractions. But it seems like those feelings are probably there for a reason, so I'll just observe them and let them be, and that feels rewarding too, even though it can be really emotional.

Most of the time, its not some amazing experience or some big thing worth writing down. Its just a thing I'm doing. But that feels good too.

And while I say all that, I recognize that I'm a complete newbie here still. There is so much more I have to experience and learn here, but even the very beginning of this process feels rewarding, and that's been nice.

Sitting Meditation Variations

So the "default" meditation is to simply focus on your breathing. Notice distractions as they come up, observe them, acknowledge them, return to the breath. That's it, that's the entire thing. But there are variations. You always start with your breath, but you can gently pull your focus from your breath and direct it elsewhere:

-- thoughts - my mind still races on me all the time, I'm just more ok with it than maybe i used to be. But that makes it very difficult for me to "aim" my focus at my thoughts, without just diving into them and getting distracted by them. This feels more "advanced" to me.

-- Sounds - This is an interesting thing to do. There are a lot of sounds everywhere. We did this at the day of mindfulness. Even though there was no speaking, total silence, there were still 25 people in a room, adjusting postures, breathing, air conditioning, etc. It was LOUD. That was a pretty neat experience.

-- Sensations - This gets dangerously close to that body awareness stuff for me. And I think we didn't actually do this in class, we just talked about it as an option?

-- Pain - Not specifically described as a sitting meditation technique, but when we discuss pain management that's basically what we discuss. A sitting meditation process where you gently direct your focus to your pain and play around with it.

-- Choiceless Awareness - This is the all encompassing "just follow along with whatever you happen to notice". There's an idea to just see what you do notice and allow yourself to go to it, not letting it pass by, but sitting with whatever comes up. This is complicated too. This seems more advanced, its just too easy if I try to think of things this way for me to just spiral off with my thoughts and never come back. Of course, the idea is to recognize when that happens, go back to the breath, and try again.

Meditating with pain I have specifically worked on a little here and there, but not in a concerted way yet, moreso just experimenting a few times. All of these other things I have really only done in a guided form in class, I haven't played with them much on my own.

Breathing Space

This was the first informal practice we learned. Informal meaning that its not planned, dedicated time to practice some form of mindfulness, instead its just something you decide to do in a moment.

I like the theory with this, a way to take a momentary break during your day. I also like the concept that its something you have to actively do over a minute or two at first, but you eventually learn to do it in seconds. In practice I have had a couple experiences with this where I said to myself "ok, your mind is really spinning right now, lets try this" and seen something happen as a result. I take a break, I breathe, I focus for a minute, then open back up and actually feel different.

Most of the time, though, not so much. But even with nothing that feels like a "result", it never feels like a bad thing to stop for a minute and breathe, so that's ok.

Walking Meditation

This is still at the top of the list of things that feels like hocus pocus, going back to a phrase that was used at the very start. Its weird. Its awkward, its funny looking. And its also body awareness. So I tend to not really care for it. Just like the body scan, its very possible that means I should look to do it more often. I have a really hard time doing this without having an expectation going into it, or without directing my focus entirely onto an area of discomfort, my right foot or left knee depending on how I'm feeling that day. These are all things that I would need to work on if I were to continue to do this. And I feel like I probably *should* try to find time to continue to do this. Will I? I dunno.

Mindful Yoga

Stretching is always good! Stretching mindfully is nice. Stretching slowly feels nice. So I do things from this category with some regularity. Its sometimes done "mindfully", but sometimes I admit I'm doing a few stretches I learned here while watching the latest episode of Mad Men. Listening to our instructor talk about his daily practice and working in stretching a little bit here and there throughout the day was helpful.

Loving Kindness Meditation

I've done this twice, guided both times. The first time at the day of mindfulness was a hell of an experience. A lot of people clearly had a really strong emotional response to this. I haven't tried to do this on my own, and haven't really thought about doing it on my own. Really though, that's only because it was the last thing we learned. I like this meditation, and I like the idea of doing something that has a focus on compassion, I don't think this is a "weak point" for me though, I certainly think of myself as a very compassionate person. So when I look at this growing list of things I could do on my own time, this doesn't seem to rise to the top.

Insight Dialogue

Also known as Mindful Speaking/Listening. Similar to mindful eating, this is something where I have done so much on my own to implement my own analytical thing that kind of mirrors this, that this process as a practice just feels incredibly awkward. I *never* speak without thinking, it just doesn't happen. I could be a better listener though, and I could see taking parts of this to remind myself to listen to the other person better in a conversation instead of starting my own internal dialogue about what I want to say next, etc.

-- So, back in the first week we were told that we would be learning a lot of things that we could try, and that some would resonate, and some wouldn't, and that we'd start to figure that out along the way. That we didn't have to like anything that we did, but that we were asked to just try things and be open-minded. And boy, this is indeed a LOT of stuff that we have done in the last two months.

04-20-2015, 11:09 PM	#111
Radii Head Coach Join Date: Jul 2001	Closing Thoughts There's going to be a lot here to be said in closing I think. My intent here is to review each practice we learned in class, to touch on what I'm doing right now and what my hopes/intentions are as far as continuing to practice. Lastly, and probably most importantly, at least for dynasty purposes, what differences do I note in myself that I attribute to things I've learned in this class or from my actual practice with meditation so far. Mindfulness Practices -- I'll address these in the order in which we learned them for the most part. Body Scan I haven't done this in a long time. I'll talk more specifically about it when I get to what I'm doing right now and what I have some general aim to do in the future. This is the only practice that I pretty much require to be guided through. Everything else I can "do by myself". This one I need help. I find myself distracted during this more than with any other thing. More than any other practice, I go into this one with "expectations" the most. I know what I'm feeling on the surface. I know what's the most sore, what hurts the most, where I'm uncomfortable. Sometimes I struggle at all to get past that to observe what else is there for me. I've commented a couple times that the practices that seem the most difficult may be practices I should dedicate some time to, they seem difficult for a reason that may be worth working on. Mindful Eating There are a couple practices where I have said "I already have other ways of dealing with this", or with the concerns a practice seems to aim to address. Mindful Eating seems a logical thing that someone who was extremely obese should maybe care about. But, honestly, I just don't, and have never for a moment been able to make myself care about this whenever I've tried it. Maybe I'll "re-discover" this at a later time in a different situation. For now, its just out. Sitting Meditation So I have a weird observation. Sitting Meditation/Mindfulness Meditation, it wasn't introduced with any sort of flourish. It wasn't the first thing we learned. It was introduced just as another thing you can do if you want. I find that interesting in retrospect. We started by learning to simply focus on our breath and acknowledge things that come up that distract from breath (usually thoughts, but sounds/sensations too). We've learned variations where we intentionally take the awareness away from the breath to these other things, thoughts/sounds/sensations/everything at once. Reading about mindfulness on the internet outside of class, seeing how many other things start with something similar to sitting meditation... this is now very obviously the core of daily practice. Do some people go through this class and decide they love the body scan and mindful eating and walking meditation but they hate this stupid sitting thing so they never do it again? Maybe... but that seems like its probably quite rare. I enjoy this practice, a lot. I find it rewarding. I find it to be different every time I do it. Most strong reactions and strong experiences that I've had in my practice have come during this. Sometimes I sink into this and my 15 or 20 minutes goes by and my alarm goes off and I would have guessed that 3 minutes had gone by. Sure, that happens all the time when I'm on a big time autopilot. But to have that "time flies" experience when all I'm doing is sitting and breathing is fascinating. It doesn't happen often of course Sometimes during this practice it feels like every bad feeling I've ever had decides to come up and hammer me over the head while I take away all my distractions. But it seems like those feelings are probably there for a reason, so I'll just observe them and let them be, and that feels rewarding too, even though it can be really emotional. Most of the time, its not some amazing experience or some big thing worth writing down. Its just a thing I'm doing. But that feels good too. And while I say all that, I recognize that I'm a complete newbie here still. There is so much more I have to experience and learn here, but even the very beginning of this process feels rewarding, and that's been nice. Sitting Meditation Variations So the "default" meditation is to simply focus on your breathing. Notice distractions as they come up, observe them, acknowledge them, return to the breath. That's it, that's the entire thing. But there are variations. You always start with your breath, but you can gently pull your focus from your breath and direct it elsewhere: -- thoughts - my mind still races on me all the time, I'm just more ok with it than maybe i used to be. But that makes it very difficult for me to "aim" my focus at my thoughts, without just diving into them and getting distracted by them. This feels more "advanced" to me. -- Sounds - This is an interesting thing to do. There are a lot of sounds everywhere. We did this at the day of mindfulness. Even though there was no speaking, total silence, there were still 25 people in a room, adjusting postures, breathing, air conditioning, etc. It was LOUD. That was a pretty neat experience. -- Sensations - This gets dangerously close to that body awareness stuff for me. And I think we didn't actually do this in class, we just talked about it as an option? -- Pain - Not specifically described as a sitting meditation technique, but when we discuss pain management that's basically what we discuss. A sitting meditation process where you gently direct your focus to your pain and play around with it. -- Choiceless Awareness - This is the all encompassing "just follow along with whatever you happen to notice". There's an idea to just see what you do notice and allow yourself to go to it, not letting it pass by, but sitting with whatever comes up. This is complicated too. This seems more advanced, its just too easy if I try to think of things this way for me to just spiral off with my thoughts and never come back. Of course, the idea is to recognize when that happens, go back to the breath, and try again. Meditating with pain I have specifically worked on a little here and there, but not in a concerted way yet, moreso just experimenting a few times. All of these other things I have really only done in a guided form in class, I haven't played with them much on my own. Breathing Space This was the first informal practice we learned. Informal meaning that its not planned, dedicated time to practice some form of mindfulness, instead its just something you decide to do in a moment. I like the theory with this, a way to take a momentary break during your day. I also like the concept that its something you have to actively do over a minute or two at first, but you eventually learn to do it in seconds. In practice I have had a couple experiences with this where I said to myself "ok, your mind is really spinning right now, lets try this" and seen something happen as a result. I take a break, I breathe, I focus for a minute, then open back up and actually feel different. Most of the time, though, not so much. But even with nothing that feels like a "result", it never feels like a bad thing to stop for a minute and breathe, so that's ok. Walking Meditation This is still at the top of the list of things that feels like hocus pocus, going back to a phrase that was used at the very start. Its weird. Its awkward, its funny looking. And its also body awareness. So I tend to not really care for it. Just like the body scan, its very possible that means I should look to do it more often. I have a really hard time doing this without having an expectation going into it, or without directing my focus entirely onto an area of discomfort, my right foot or left knee depending on how I'm feeling that day. These are all things that I would need to work on if I were to continue to do this. And I feel like I probably should try to find time to continue to do this. Will I? I dunno. Mindful Yoga Stretching is always good! Stretching mindfully is nice. Stretching slowly feels nice. So I do things from this category with some regularity. Its sometimes done "mindfully", but sometimes I admit I'm doing a few stretches I learned here while watching the latest episode of Mad Men. Listening to our instructor talk about his daily practice and working in stretching a little bit here and there throughout the day was helpful. Loving Kindness Meditation I've done this twice, guided both times. The first time at the day of mindfulness was a hell of an experience. A lot of people clearly had a really strong emotional response to this. I haven't tried to do this on my own, and haven't really thought about doing it on my own. Really though, that's only because it was the last thing we learned. I like this meditation, and I like the idea of doing something that has a focus on compassion, I don't think this is a "weak point" for me though, I certainly think of myself as a very compassionate person. So when I look at this growing list of things I could do on my own time, this doesn't seem to rise to the top. Insight Dialogue Also known as Mindful Speaking/Listening. Similar to mindful eating, this is something where I have done so much on my own to implement my own analytical thing that kind of mirrors this, that this process as a practice just feels incredibly awkward. I never speak without thinking, it just doesn't happen. I could be a better listener though, and I could see taking parts of this to remind myself to listen to the other person better in a conversation instead of starting my own internal dialogue about what I want to say next, etc. -- So, back in the first week we were told that we would be learning a lot of things that we could try, and that some would resonate, and some wouldn't, and that we'd start to figure that out along the way. That we didn't have to like anything that we did, but that we were asked to just try things and be open-minded. And boy, this is indeed a LOT of stuff that we have done in the last two months.