Teenagers

[M GO BLUE!!!]

I hate having a 14 year old daughter.

Today, in order to properly spy on my kid I was forced to start a fake myspace profile of a 19 year old girl in order to be added to a 21 year old boy's friend list and circumvent the private setting... Yes, he is a friend of hers on there and there has been a few back-and-forth comments since she's been on punishment, not allowed to use the internet for other than schoolwork. She told her mother that myspace automatically logs her in when she goes online to do research for her homework. BUSTED!

I hate having a 14 year old daughter.

[Lathum]

ugh.

I dread that day if I have a daughter.

[sabotai]

Originally Posted by M GO BLUE!!!

She told her mother that myspace automatically logs her in when she goes online to do research for her homework.

And she bought it?

[Lathum]

There was an interesting discussion on the Howard Stern show recently because Gary was researching the history of where his kids went online and used a program to review their AIM chat sessions.

Some people thought it was a violation of his kids privacy that he didn't tell them he was gonna do this. I say if it his kid in his house he has every right to do that.

[M GO BLUE!!!]

Originally Posted by sabotai

And she bought it?

She asked me if it was possible.

I outlined everything, including time stamped comments...

I guess when you log on to myspace it changes your background, headline and posts comments on 21 year old boys pages...

I told her mother my suggestion is to make her show her exactly how it automatically logs her in, then change the password to something she'll never know.

[molson]

You're a better father than I would be. I wouldn't be able to handle it - I'd ignore her activities, hope for the best, then eventually kick her out.

[M GO BLUE!!!]

I don't know how I'd handle it if I lived anywhere near her (600 miles away.)

She's on punishment because she needs to get a project done in order to pass 8th grade. She only has to do 22 drawings (I don't get how that is a class project) and has had since December... She had 11 done as of Saturday, but didn't seem to care about whether or not she finishes. Then her mother found a stack of slips she was supposed to sign monitoring her progress... Oops, I guess she was so busy with homework she "forgot" to get them signed!

Makes me want to schedule an appointment with a urologist tomorrow...

[JediKooter]

Too many psychos and perverts out there to even fall for the 'privacy' argument. Besides, teenagers are mentally retarded anyway, so you have to do what you have to do to keep them safe.

Just my opinion here, but, not really sure why a 14 year old would 'need' a myspace account.

[Hurst2112]

Originally Posted by M GO BLUE!!!

Makes me want to schedule an appointment with a urologist tomorrow...

bladder infection on top of everything??!! Damn, not her year.

[Klinglerware]

Originally Posted by Hurst2112

bladder infection on top of everything??!! Damn, not her year.

Heh, heh, heh, you know what the incidence of urinary tract infection in young ladies can be caused by...




I obviously don't have a daughter (yet)...

[MizzouRah]

I have an 11 year old daughter and she's only allowed to go to sites that my wife and I approve of. It also helps that I've worked in IT for 10+ years.

A 12 year old gf of hers was over two weeks ago and was going to myspace when I shut off the internet to the pc upstairs. I sent a net message telling her friend she was "caught" and she needed to go home. It was priceless.

My daughter cried when I told her I'd turn it back on when I thought she deserved it to be back on. (she's big into itunes)

[M GO BLUE!!!]

Originally Posted by MizzouRah

I have an 11 year old daughter and she's only allowed to go to sites that my wife and I approve of. It also helps that I've worked in IT for 10+ years.

A 12 year old gf of hers was over two weeks ago and was going to myspace when I shut off the internet to the pc upstairs. I sent a net message telling her friend she was "caught" and she needed to go home. It was priceless.

My daughter cried when I told her I'd turn it back on when I thought she deserved it to be back on. (she's big into itunes)

I love you.

[JediKooter]

Originally Posted by MizzouRah

I have an 11 year old daughter and she's only allowed to go to sites that my wife and I approve of. It also helps that I've worked in IT for 10+ years.

A 12 year old gf of hers was over two weeks ago and was going to myspace when I shut off the internet to the pc upstairs. I sent a net message telling her friend she was "caught" and she needed to go home. It was priceless.

My daughter cried when I told her I'd turn it back on when I thought she deserved it to be back on. (she's big into itunes)

YES!!

[JeeberD]

So I've always thought that I want to have a son first so he can protect his little sis from the damn teenage boys. Does that actually work, or does the brother hook his friends up with his sister?

[Vinatieri for Prez]

If the kid is over 18 and living at home, then I would start to respect privacy issues. However, under that age (and especially at 14), all is fair in terms of snooping on the kids. That's my take anyways.

[Doug5984]

Originally Posted by JeeberD

So I've always thought that I want to have a son first so he can protect his little sis from the damn teenage boys. Does that actually work, or does the brother hook his friends up with his sister?

The brother should not hook his friends up with his sister- but her friends...fair game for everyone!

[Lathum]

Originally Posted by Doug5984

The brother should not hook his friends up with his sister- but her friends...fair game for everyone!

so true

[Rizon]

There should be a National Spray Teenagers with Mace day.

[JeeberD]

Originally Posted by Doug5984

The brother should not hook his friends up with his sister- but her friends...fair game for everyone!

That I am A-OK with...

[sabotai]

Originally Posted by Doug5984

The brother should not hook his friends up with his sister-

NOW you tell me....

[Eilim]

Originally Posted by JeeberD

So I've always thought that I want to have a son first so he can protect his little sis from the damn teenage boys. Does that actually work, or does the brother hook his friends up with his sister?

It works.. Even when I didn't get along with my sister in my youth I tended to "look out" for her, whether she wanted me to or not.

To this day she remembers the time I held a kid by the ankles, banging his head into the ground while asking "You will not hang around with my sister anymore, will you?". She thought she was safe being friends with him due to him being the younger brother of one of my best friends at the time. Little did she know how these things work.

Heck, I almost ended up in jail for certain events with the guy who she ended up marrying and I am now good friends with.

[SFL Cat]

I'm so mad at my daughter right now, I'd kick her in the gnads if she had any.

I feel an Alex Baldwin episode coming over me.

[Ksyrup]

I guess I need to appreciate the fact that my 7-year old still uses the internet to visit playhousedisney.com right now. I'm not looking forward to "the end of the innocence." Ugh.

[Lathum]

Originally Posted by SFL Cat

I'm so mad at my daughter right now, I'd kick her in the gnads if she had any.

I feel an Alex Baldwin episode coming over me.

EXPLAIN

[molson]

Originally Posted by Vinatieri for Prez

If the kid is over 18 and living at home, then I would start to respect privacy issues. However, under that age (and especially at 14), all is fair in terms of snooping on the kids. That's my take anyways.

Nothing made me angrier growing up than my mother snooping in my room. I think a teenager does need some sense of personal space. Of course, I didn't have the internet when I was growing up.

[JeeberD]

Originally Posted by SFL Cat

I'm so mad at my daughter right now, I'd kick her in the gnads if she had any.

I feel an Alex Baldwin episode coming over me.

She's posting pics at VolleyballHotties.com, is she?

Love ya, SFL...

[MizzouRah]

Originally Posted by M GO BLUE!!!

I love you.

I laughed out loud at your first post... sounds like you used your resources well. lol...

[Rizon]

Originally Posted by molson

Nothing made me angrier growing up than my mother snooping in my room. I think a teenager does need some sense of personal space. Of course, I didn't have the internet when I was growing up or 50 different prescription pills I bought from a friend

Exactly.

[BrianD]

Kids do need to have a sense of personal space...that way you know right where to look when you need to make sure they aren't into anything bad.

[M GO BLUE!!!]

Originally Posted by MizzouRah

I laughed out loud at your first post... sounds like you used your resources well. lol...

I did what I could! What (straight) 21 year old guy is going to not respond to an attractive 19 year old named Debbi Dallas?

What my daughter fails to realize is that I am 34, she is 14. I have a great amount of knowledge I pickec up in the 20 additional years, including five as an actual teenager. I have pulled stuff she would never imagine... and got away with it easily! She thinks she's slick, but I just find it funny (other than pissing me off a bit!)

I got my Alec Baldwin on this past weekend (and a few weeks earlier.)

A few weeks ago it was for yelling at her mother in regard to getting on her about this project. I never yelled at her before... just talking loudly in that "imposing" tone. There I was yelling "DO YOU LIKE BEING YELLED AT? I CAN YELL A LOT LOUDER THAN YOU CAN, AND IN FRONT OF YOUR FRIENDS TOO!" Funny, she didn't seem to like it...

I hung up on her this past weekend... It was all planned of course! Knew what I was going to say, what she would answer, and it all fell like dominoes... After doing one drawing in two weeks she did four of them in the following day and a half!

My little IT moment came when her mother had me look at their computer a few years ago. It had some trojan horse in it what was popping up some smiley face that pushed advertizing, & every time you closed it it popped back up. I found the program and deleted it, but when you booted, there it was again. I told them the only way to get rid of it was to back up the important files, wipe it & start over. I noted how all the saved games would be lost. Her mother said "Somebody won't like that" I said "Tough, then maybe someone will learn not to download every stupid thing that she comes across, screwing the computer up and losing all her saved games." Her mother laughed for a second. She stopped when my daughter shot her an evil look...

[MrBigglesworth]

Originally Posted by Vinatieri for Prez

If the kid is over 18 and living at home, then I would start to respect privacy issues. However, under that age (and especially at 14), all is fair in terms of snooping on the kids. That's my take anyways.

I had a female friend in high school whose parents were always watching over her and being in her business. They wouldn't let her talk on the phone with her door shut, they always knew where she was, etc. When she went away to school, she couldn't handle the new freedom. She was drunk more often than not, started getting into drugs, and banged every guy she could find.

I saw that a lot from girls with overbearing parents, actually.

[JeeberD]

Originally Posted by M GO BLUE!!!

I have a great amount of knowledge I pickec up in the 20 additional years, including five as an actual teenager.

Only five? Which teenage year did you skip?

[Warhammer]

Originally Posted by MrBigglesworth

I had a female friend in high school whose parents were always watching over her and being in her business. They wouldn't let her talk on the phone with her door shut, they always knew where she was, etc. When she went away to school, she couldn't handle the new freedom. She was drunk more often than not, started getting into drugs, and banged every guy she could find.

I saw that a lot from girls with overbearing parents, actually.

The problem is that parents need to explain why they are in her business, etc. I've seen too many parents intrude without explanation and the result is resentment and rebellion when they get the chance.

After having kids, it amazes me how much they understand things if you explain why things happen. Now my problem with my kids is making them realize that it is ok to make mistakes. My son is now calling himself stupid for doing X (whatever that may be). The funny thing is my wife and I don't even use the word stupid in the house and don't refer to anyone as stupid, so I need to figure out where this is coming from and nip it in the bud. But, part of it is probably inhereted insecurity traits.

[JeeberD]

Yeah, I was hoping that no one would notice that missing year...

[sabotai]

Originally Posted by Warhammer

The funny thing is my wife and I don't even use the word stupid in the house and don't refer to anyone as stupid, so I need to figure out where this is coming from and nip it in the bud.

TV, everything bad comes from the TV.

[Vinatieri for Prez]

Originally Posted by MrBigglesworth

I had a female friend in high school whose parents were always watching over her and being in her business. They wouldn't let her talk on the phone with her door shut, they always knew where she was, etc. When she went away to school, she couldn't handle the new freedom. She was drunk more often than not, started getting into drugs, and banged every guy she could find.

I saw that a lot from girls with overbearing parents, actually.

I wasn't talking about overbearing intrusion. I wouldn't do that at all. I am talking about keeping tabs behind the scenes -- secretly keeping an eye on them. I actually think that's good parenting.

[MizzouRah]

Originally Posted by M GO BLUE!!!

I did what I could! What (straight) 21 year old guy is going to not respond to an attractive 19 year old named Debbi Dallas?

What my daughter fails to realize is that I am 34, she is 14. I have a great amount of knowledge I pickec up in the 20 additional years, including five as an actual teenager. I have pulled stuff she would never imagine... and got away with it easily! She thinks she's slick, but I just find it funny (other than pissing me off a bit!)

I got my Alec Baldwin on this past weekend (and a few weeks earlier.)

A few weeks ago it was for yelling at her mother in regard to getting on her about this project. I never yelled at her before... just talking loudly in that "imposing" tone. There I was yelling "DO YOU LIKE BEING YELLED AT? I CAN YELL A LOT LOUDER THAN YOU CAN, AND IN FRONT OF YOUR FRIENDS TOO!" Funny, she didn't seem to like it...

I hung up on her this past weekend... It was all planned of course! Knew what I was going to say, what she would answer, and it all fell like dominoes... After doing one drawing in two weeks she did four of them in the following day and a half!

My little IT moment came when her mother had me look at their computer a few years ago. It had some trojan horse in it what was popping up some smiley face that pushed advertizing, & every time you closed it it popped back up. I found the program and deleted it, but when you booted, there it was again. I told them the only way to get rid of it was to back up the important files, wipe it & start over. I noted how all the saved games would be lost. Her mother said "Somebody won't like that" I said "Tough, then maybe someone will learn not to download every stupid thing that she comes across, screwing the computer up and losing all her saved games." Her mother laughed for a second. She stopped when my daughter shot her an evil look...

Great stuff! Dad of the year maybe? lol

[st.cronin]

The people I know that are good parents have two things in common:

- they know pretty much everything their kids do
- they don't believe they have much of an impact on their kids' lives, quite the opposite in fact

[SnowMan]

Originally Posted by sabotai

TV, everything bad comes from the TV.

And video games.

[MIJB#19]

Originally Posted by JeeberD

VolleyballHotties.com

Dude, that's so redundant... Ehr tautological.

[stevew]

Originally Posted by JeeberD

Only five? Which teenage year did you skip?

If she's 14, that means he has 5 more years of being a teenager than she does. I think that's what he means.

[Eaglesfan27]

Originally Posted by st.cronin

The people I know that are good parents have two things in common:

- they know pretty much everything their kids do
- they don't believe they have much of an impact on their kids' lives, quite the opposite in fact

I'm curious about what you mean by the 2nd point of this statement.

[Warhammer]

Originally Posted by SnowMan

And video games.

All he really enjoys video game wise is flight sims, and there he enjoys shooting down his own airplane. He'll take a bomber and control the tail gunner and shoot up his own plane.

[JeeberD]

OMG, he's suicidal! Lock him up for his own protection!

[M GO BLUE!!!]

Originally Posted by JeeberD

Only five? Which teenage year did you skip?

None... Note I said "additional," as in she has not even two teenage years under her belt. I have seven. I suck at math, but after some time with the calculater I was able to determine that if you minus two from seven, you can get five!

Originally Posted by stevew

If she's 14, that means he has 5 more years of being a teenager than she does. I think that's what he means.

See!

Originally Posted by MizzouRah

Great stuff! Dad of the year maybe? lol

LOL! I think Alec has me beat...

[SFL Cat]

Originally Posted by Lathum

EXPLAIN

Long story. Last fall, my daughter asked to spend a Saturday night with a friend. She told us they planned to go see a movie. Turns out she went with this friend to her high school's homecoming dance in Fort Lauderdale (about 45 minutes south of where we live). I had tried calling her friends' parents house that night, and got no answer. So I called my daughter's cell phone. I can tell she's in a car going somewhere, but I hear guys talking (she's not allowed to go on car dates with guys until she's 16 -- next year).

I ask her why I hear guys talking in the background. She panics and says, "well, there's a group of us going to the movie together, you said it was okay if I went with guys as long as it was with a group."

I tell her I want to speak to the mom of the girl she is spending the night with. "Oh, well she's not driving, such-and-such's (a girl I don't know) mom is driving.

"Let me speak with her." She hands the phone to some girl -- who doesn't even remotely sound like an adult -- and she tells me what theater they're going to and she says the group isn't sure what movie they're going to see. "I'd like to know what movie they end up going see, could I get your cell number so I can call you later."

As soon as my daughter hangs up, I call the number I've written down. It immediately goes to voice mail. Based on the "leave a message" tag I hear, I think sarcastically ..."yeah right, this is an adults' cell phone."

I call my wife, who is down that way shopping and fill her in. She stops by the restaurant the girls' parents own, and she then calls me back and tells me about the homecoming dance and says my daughter said it was okay with us if she went. My wife then drives down to where the dance is...shows up at the door. She said she saw another friend of my daughters going to the restroom. She said when she saw my wife, her eyes got real big. My wife tells her to go tell my daughter it's time to go. She's BUSTED bigtime. I ground her until the after Christmas, and let her have it about lying and sneaking around behind our backs. What killed me is that couple of weeks earlier, she asked and I had told her I'd probably let her go with her friend to her school's homecoming because tickets to my daughter's high school's homecoming dance sold out before she could get one and she wasn't able to go. Go figure.

Fast forward to now. I'm usually pretty good with keeping up with the grades on Edline. But since before spring break, I hadn't checked the reports like I should. I'd simply been asking her, "how are the grades?" and gotten back, "good." Anyhoo, she asked me to take her to school early one morning (which is unusual), so before dropping her off, I ask, "everything ok in school with the grades?" Thumbs up. Now her older brother was a notorious slacker in school, and I think...just like what he used to do. So I check edline when I get back home...GRRRRRRR!!!! B, C, 3 Ds and 2Fs. She's been lying to me again.

That evening, I tell her no TV or computer during the week unless its homework related (and I'll be watching to make sure) until the end of the school year. She starts complaining that the grades on edline aren't right, so I say bring me a progress report from your teachers showing me they're wrong (so far she hasn't).

Later I tell her, "I rode your brother hard about his grades for four years, and it didn't help. I'm not going to do the same with you, because it apparently doesn't work and I'm tired of trying. Your grades are up to you. If you need help or have a problem, I'll help if I can, but ultimately its your responsibility."

Then I drop the bomb, "Actually, if you don't start making an effort in school, it will save me a lot of money. I won't have to pay for club volleyball, private coaching or summer camps any longer. "

She looks at me with tears in her eyes. "Yes, you won't have to worry about getting better, because with these grades you won't be eligible to play. You won't have to worry about maybe playing in college either, because no college will want to touch you with grades like this. Just look at your brother [he had trouble getting into Community College]."

Well, she gives me total attitude and "it's not fair -- blah, blah, blah." So that was why I was so mad...I'm better now.

[JeeberD]

Do you really think I was in any condition to do basic math last night?

[SFL Cat]

Originally Posted by JeeberD

Do you really think I'm ever in any condition to do basic math?

Fixed

[Warhammer]

Gotta love teens with their it's not fair attitude. I've been instilling my kids early with the concept of actions and consequences. Sure, you can not listen to your teachers at school, but then you won't be able to do X when you get home.