ZFL Season 3

[JeeberD]

Originally posted by revrew
Enough votes are in to confirm expansion according to the "sachmo plan," so expect Cinci and El Paso to join us next season.

Huzzah!!!

[sachmo71]

Glad you had fun, Rev.

[illinifan999]

Now post the damn results.

[tucker342]

glad you had fun

[revrew]

Week 8
"Close games, upsets, and a championship decided. What a week!

We begin in Milwaukee, where the 3-4 Muscle Men invited the 0-7 Slick Willies to a slaughter.

Milwaukee's Bullseye opened the scoring with 2 Touchdown strikes to WR The Flash. When Little Rock failed to answer, Milwaukee turned to the running game where FB Bulldozer flattened LR DT James 'Jellybean' Johnston and showed MLB Denver Mills moves that left the 'backer standing still.

It looked like Little Rock might make a comeback in the third following a RB Rajah Saleem TD run, but on the next possession, QB Dixon Spiller overlooked rookie CB He's Not JeeberD. That's a costly mistake. The Rook took the INT to the house, and sealed the coffin. Milwaukee wins the week's only blowout, 42-7."

*****
"The exact opposite happened in (2-5) L.A. where the 'Star Crunch' dished out some humility to (2-5) Portland's OG Erik Flamebeard of Neither Here nor There. Young Flamebeard found why LA DT Ed Norton is the league's best aged veteran, but elderly PT RB Antonio De La Tonio found that LA youngsters MLB Brad Pitt and S Ray Liotta may have already passed him on their way up.

The Italian Stallion was held to a mere 61 yards on 23 carries. Antonio never found the endzone.

Of course, neither did L.A. as Portland's dominant youngsters at DT, Colonel Joseph C. McCormick III and Captain Bipto bottled up the run. Aged secondary men S Billy Jim Bob Lee Whitaker and CB Kosh put the brakes on the LA air attack as well, and regulation ended in a 0-0 tie. Bring on the Kickers!

The referees took quite a while explaining the rules of kickboxing to Portland's Vladimir von Vladimir, perhaps evidence that the Sea Biscuit was outside his comfort zone. L.A.'s Little Val Kilmer, however, hopped up and down exitedly, looking forward to a shot at his second win of the season. In a flurry of jabs and roundhouses, Kilmer showed he had the goods, slapping Vlad silly. The eastern European warrior was tough as nails, refusing to give in despite the bludgeoning, but it when the bell sounded, Kilmer had won the day. The L.A. Stars win the upset, 3-0."

*****
"When the 'don't overlook us yet' San Antonio Margaritas (4-3), faced Fargo (2-5), the Crawfish once again showed why they may be a force in years to come.

The Fish fought for two ground scores, with FB Ty Wick paving the way for sophomore sensation HB Glutton for Punishment.

San Antonio, however, found a weak spot in Fargo DT Waste of a Jersey, and SA OG Lone Star plowed holes in the line too big for Fargo MLB Still Alive? to contain. San Antonio's M&M boys found the endzone thrice, and San Antonio wins a close one, 21-14."

*****
"Albuquerque (3-4) at Chicago (5-2) was earlier rumored to be one of this year's key late-season match-ups. But Albuquerque's unexplained struggles showed up yet again.

Chicago's HB Randy Steele got in the groove early behind favorite road-paver, OG Tom Sanders. Steele had an outstanding day, running for 155 yards and two scores, while setting up two more by rookie QB Mike 'Air' Marino.

For Albuquerque, the running game couldn't get it going inside, as MLB Zach Urlacher clogged it up. They couldn't run outside, as DE Jason Pepper terrorized the corner. Only the usually tough secondary proved fallible today as QB Moe Sizzlack tossed at TD to WR The Cheat. Safety Troy McClure ran yet another INT back for 7, but it wouldn't be enough to slow down the efficient Eagles. Chicago wins, 28-14."

*****
"And now for the championship game. (7-0) Birmingham vs. (7-0) Knoxville. By necessary process, the winner of this game wins the whole enchilada.

'Both of these teams are amazingly strong running squads,' said guest commentator Mia Hamm, 'but both have weaknesses in the front six. Look for each team to try to establish the run early.'

Good call, Mia. Birmingham wasn't about to put the game in the hands of rookie QB Zeus 'ZR' Reloaded. Instead they asked OGs Another Troy and Dionysus to let Nymph and Artemis come on through. Knoxville wasn't up for the challenge today, as the Olympian ground attack tore up yards and scores.

Knoxville's 'Thumbless' Jackson, however, used a quick release to keep Birmingham's DEs Atlantis and Another Atlantis guessing. The Olympian defense couldn't key on the Jack Backs, and HB Robby 'Action' Jackson piled up a pair of scores, while WR Jackson Jackson added another.

The score was tied at 21 going into the fourth. With great plays from Knoxville rookie MLB Mullet Jackson and BH safety Odysseus, the dominating offenses began to stall.

With only a few minutes left in the game, Birmingham was given one last drive to prevent overtime. Kickers LeBron James and Knoxville's Eli Manning were sweating bullets on the sideline.

A pair of pounding runs by BH FB Nymph brought the ball out to midfield, but dogged determination by KX DT Uncle Jesse Jackson stalled the drive at the 45. Facing 3rd and 3 from the 45, BH stacked the line with an extra guard, OG Aphrodite.

At the snap, the line pulled left, but OG Aphrodite stepped back to intercept the blitzing KX safety Johnny 'Nascar' Jackson. As 'ZR' motioned to hand off to HB Artemis, the KX linebackers streaked in to fill the gaps.

But this left BH WR Revrew alone in the secondary with CB Billy Ray Jackson.

The play-action worked to perfection as 'ZR' pulled back and tossed the ball on a the slant to Revrew. Revrew and Billy Ray Jackson fought and battled for 20+ yards before KX OLB Bubba Jackson caught up to the duking duo and dragged Revrew down at the 3.

From there, FB Nymph punched in the score that would prove to be the game-winner. Birmingham becomes the third ZFL champ in 3 years by squeeking past the Rednecks 28-21!

Congratulations Birmingham, and thanks for the ring!"

[illinifan999]

Congrats Birgmingham!

Woohoo finally a decent draft spot!

[sachmo71]

Congrats to the Olympians!

[digamma]

Congrats to Birmingham. The case of Spam is on the way.

[sachmo71]

Wait a minute...I apologize. I misspoke.


Congrats to Bermanham! You guys are the best!

[JeeberD]

Congrats!

[tucker342]

YESSSSSS!!!!

Great game

[Swaggs]

What about Little Rock?

Perfect season. 0-8 baby!

[NevStar]

Congrats. We suck.

[revrew]

Week 9
"Going into week 9, two things are decided: the champ (BH), and the first overall draft pick (LR). But some HUGE questions of postioning remain.

Knoxville should be second at 7-1, but with 6-2 Chicago nipping at their heels and a tough matchup against Albuquerque, Knoxville could slip.

6-2 Chicago, meanwhile, is watching 5-3 San Antonio closely.

5-3 San Antonio faces 4-4 Milwaukee THIS WEEK, so the winner there will automatically finish ahead of the other in the standings. But which way will it go?

Then, the log jam. AQ and LA sit at 3-5, while FG and PT are closely behind at 2-6. Four teams whose draft days could move dramatically up, or down, all based on week 9's action.

And as for (0-8) Little Rock, they have the opportunity to be yet another club to join the less than pretty "winless season" gang.

On to the games...

[revrew]

"Could LA's 'Star Crunch' put the brakes on Birhmingham? Could they stop a perfect season?

'ZR' discovered quickly that L.A. Safety Ray Liotta came to play, as the rookie QB tossed 2 INTs in the first half.

But L.A. couldn't hold on to the ball long enough to give their defense a chance to breathe. Eventually, the Olympian running demolition derby destroyed LA.

The Olympians complete a perfect season by beating the Stars, 21-0."
*****
"Could Little Rock get their first win against the underachieving Sea Biscuits?

No way, Jose. Or maybe I should say, no way, Flamebeard. The Sea Biscuits trashed Little Rock with three ground scores, and nearly 400 yards in the air. WRs Manfred von Richthofen and rookie Khan Ogadai both enjoyed PT QB Ivan Ivanivich's best day as a pro, each grabbing 100+ yards and a score.

LR HB Rajah Saleem managed to bust a couple of long TD runs (45 and 56 yards), but the Barry-Sanders-like back couldn't carry the team by himself. Portland crushes the Willies, 42-14."

*****
"San Antonio or Milwaukee? Who would tie up fourth place in the ZFL? San Antonio's passing game couldn't get it going as CB He's Not Jeeber D added 2 more INTs to his yearly total. But the M&M running tandem proved too much for Milwaukee's lackluster defensive line.

As for Milwaukee, nothing went well today. San Antonio's DE All Pro recorded 4 sacks and MLB Ray Lewis recorded 15 tackles.

San Antonio shows some spark, spanking Milwaukee, 21-0."

*****
"The Chicago vs. Fargo matchup again put fear in the favorite team. Fargo's O-line gave Chicago a surprising workout, and HB Glutton for Punishment punished the Eagles for two scores.

Chicago also ran two in, but the difference would be CH WR Jet burning FG CB Burned Deeperer for 7 in the fourth. Chicago wins, 21-14."

*****
"Knoxville would need a win over Albuquerque to hold on to second place, and the Isotopes were not about to let 'em have it easy.

Albuquerque's HB Guy Incognito showed off some of the potential that made AQ so high on him on draft day, running behind OT Ralph Wiggum for big pick-ups. Moe Sizzlack put the heat on as well, and Albuquerque set the bar at 35. Can you score more than that, Knoxville?

Unfortunately for the 'Topes, Knoxville can. In the battle of the league's best two QBs, 'Thumbless' got the upper hand today, roasting AQ CB Herschel 'Hey Hey' Krustofsky. KX Wideout JJ topped 200 yards on the day (for his ZFL record 7th time), and the Jack Backs punched it in if it ever got close. Knoxville saw Albuquerque's 35 and raised 'em 7. KX wins, 42-35."

[revrew]

Season End Wrap-up
First of all, the final standings are as follows:

1. Birmingham 9-0
2. Knoxville 8-1
3. Chicago 7-2
4. San Antonio 6-3
5. Milwaukee 4-5

A three-way tie, determined by fewest points allowed, per league rules:
6. Los Angeles 3-6
7. Portland 3-6
8. Albuquerque 3-6

Then:
9. Fargo 2-7
10. Little Rock 0-9

[tucker342]

Great season everyone

Don't worry Little Rock, you'll probably get a two wins next year against the expansion teams

[sachmo71]

EDIT: Nevermind...found it.

We finished second, then their, now fourth...can we end the slide?

[Coffee Warlord]

I'll update season ending stats on the website tonight, as I've been busy at work.

[Swaggs]

I takes a certain lack of player skill, a remarkable run of bad luck, and extra poor management skills to produce a perfectly winless season.

[tucker342]

You must be very proud

[revrew]

Player Awards and Honors
Passing leaders:
Moe Sizzlack - AQ
'Thumbless' Jackson - KX
*Mike Marino - CH

Passing TD leaders:
'Thumbless' Jackson - KX
Moe Sizzlack - AQ
*Mike Marino - CH

Passing efficiency leaders:
'Thumbless' Jackson - KX
Moe Sizzlack - AQ
Bullseye - MW

Rushing yardage leaders:
Glutton for Punishment - FG
Mutt - SA
Rajah Saleem - LR

Rushing TD leaders:
Antonio De La Tonio - PT
Glutton for Punishment - FG
*Nymph - BH

Receiving yards:
Jackson Jackson - KX
The Cheat - AQ
Jet - CH

Receiving touchdowns:
Jackson Jackson - KX
The Cheat - AQ
Jet - CH

Sack Leader:
DE Jason Pepper - CH

INT Leader:
*CB He's Not JeeberD - MW

*****
Awards and Player Honors
MVP: QB 'Thumbless' Jackson - KX
ORoY: FB Nymph - BH
DRoY: CB He's Not JeeberD - MW

First Team All-ZFL
QB: 'Thumbless' Jackson - KX
HB: Glutton for Punishment - FG
FB: *Nymph - BH
WR: Jackson Jackson - KX
WR: Jet - CH
OT: Lard Ass - SA
OT: Ralph Wiggum - AQ
OG: Tom Sanders - CH
OG: Erik Flamebeard of Neither Here Nor There - PT

DT: Ed Norton - LA
DT: Hera - BH
DE: *Toby McGwire - LA
DE: Jason Pepper - CH
MLB: Brad Pitt - LA
OLB: Supterman - MW
S: Troy McClure - AQ
CB: *He's Not JeeberD - MW

K: *Bruce Handily - MW

Second Team All-ZFL
QB: Moe Sizzlack - AQ
HB: Antonio De La Tonio - PT
FB: Samuel Jackson - KX
WR: The Cheat - AQ
WR: Manfred von Richthofen - PT
OT: Not Quite as Chunky - SA
OT: Renaldo Buckler - LR
OG: Lone Star - SA
OG: Fort Sumter Jackson - KX

DT: Sack U - SA
DT: Maximillion Powers - BH
DE: All-Pro - SA
DE: *Another Atlantis - BH
MLB: Zach Urlacher - CH
OLB: Arkantos - BH
S: Ray Liotta - LA
CB: Paul Sorvino - LA

K: Little Val Kilmer - LA

* Denotes rookie

[revrew]

Injury Reports

Portland: "The dramatic dip in RB Antonio De La Tonio's YPC this year may have been due to more than just age. Doctors in the off-season have found massive degeneration in the cartilege around De La Tonio's knees. This news will greatly affect his future running ability, and sources close to the team are wondering if 'The Italian Stallion' might soon anounce his retirement."

Fargo: "Offensive Guard Eric has been plagued this season with ankle problems. Arthroscopic surgery in the offseason should correct the problem, but expect a slight dip in Eric's performance.

"The news isn't as good for rookie S Safety Boy, however. The youngster tore his achille's tendon in the final game, and while he will recover, his future performance looks to be greatly inhibited."

Milwaukee: "Bad news for the Muscle Men as veteran QB Bullseye's doctors found severe tendenitis in his throwing shoulder. Bullseye will need to take anti-inflamatories and other medications, likely for the rest of his career. His throwing motion has been severely hampered; he will not return to top form."

Albuquerque: "When it rains, it pours. On the heels of a severely disappointing season, the Isotopes have been flooded with injuries. The least severe belongs to OG Clancy Wiggum. Recurrant carpal tunnel will limit his hand-strength, but he should continue to play fairly well.

"Not so for Kicker Duff Man, whose bulging discs will create tremendous pain and limit his effectiveness.

"Furthermore, DE Seymour 'The Principal of Defense' Skinner has suffered this season from a dislocated hip. Tests reveal his hip socket to be permanently damaged. While Skinner hasn't given up hope that he might return, the odds that he will ever be able to contribute to a ZFL roster again are slim."

Birmingham: "Perhaps the worst, and certainly the most controversial bad news in the league comes from Alabama. When rookie sensation FB Nymph signed with the Olympians, he made it clear he wanted to play in the NFL. He signed with BH only after securing an escape clause should an NFL team come calling.

'It's fairly common among ZFL rookies to demand that clause,' said GM tucker. 'Several of our players have it. They hold out hopes they might play well enough to catch an NFL team's eye. So few players can make that leap, that I don't normally begrudge them that opportunity, no matter how unlikely. But no one expected Nymph to play so incredibly well last season. His breakout helped us win the championship, but I fear it will also cost us his future services.'

In fact, it has. The New York Giants were so impressed with Nymph, they outbid the Falcons, Raiders, and Seahawks for Nymph's services. He will not be returning to play in the ZFL.

The reaction in Birmingham is near pandemonium. Olympian fans have just lost their favorite player, and there is an urgent demand for commish Revrew to alter league contract policies.

Commishioner Rew responded, 'The ZFL holds a precarious relationship with both its incoming rookies and the NFL. Contractually obligating players to decline opportunities to play NFL ball would most likely inhibit both our ability to sign quality players and our ability to run a sustainable league. I'm also grieved at Nymph's departure, but for the good of the league, we must now simply wish him well. To do otherwise would likely mean the loss of not one star player, but entire rosters of players. Good luck, Nymph. Show 'em what the ZFL has got!"

[revrew]

The 2004 draft is almost upon us. I will start a thread shortly that will get the draft going.

Unfortunately, I have to be gone for a week again, but I will have the draft up and running before I leave. Y'all have done this before. You know how it works. You won't even miss me.

Cincinnati and El Paso will not be participating in this draft, but will enter with their new teams in place for week 1. Be patient, shorty and JeeberD, your teams are almost set to go. I will, likely, allow you the opportunity to pick up leftover undrafteds and cut players, but we will work that out later.

We have a couple of trades in place already that will affect this draft, so pay attention to the draft order (the first post on the new thread.)

As for trades during the draft, if the trading teams can post an agreement on the thread, there's no need to PM me or get my "permission". Trades are good to go if the trading parties agree.

**ATTENTION** Since I will be gone, I would ask that someone else run the 'who's been drafted' board. I will post the draft candidates, then if someone (let's say, Bob) will QUOTE my post, all the candidates will be in bold in Bob's post. Then, Bob can just edit his post, unbolding those as they are selected. Whatcha say? Someone willing to be Bob?

Any questions before we begin?

[tucker342]

No questions but, FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My best player just had to leave.... oh well....

[DolphinFan1]

Two of my players made the awards list!

[illinifan999]

Originally posted by tucker342
No questions but, FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My best player just had to leave.... oh well....

Yeah I know how you feel.

[sachmo71]

So if your team isn't on the injuries list, there were NO injuries to that team?

[illinifan999]

Thinking the same thing as you sachmo.

[Coffee Warlord]

Jerks.

[Swaggs]

Taking offers...

[tucker342]

Well, it's not looking like I'm going to repeat....

[sachmo71]

Rev? I'm dying ova here!

[revrew]

Correct, sachmo. If you're not on the injuries list, you're scott free. Now, your older players may slip in ability, and your younger guys may get better. But no injuries for S.A. this year.

[sachmo71]

Wonder of freakin' wonders!