Legal Question concerning Temporary Guardianship

Qwikshot · 08-04-2009, 09:21 PM

Okay, so I have a daughter who is not my biological child. She's eight and known me as "dad" her whole life. Things soured between her mom and I but we were civil enough that I would see my daughter every other weekend. Then my ex-girlfriend remarried, that lasted approximately two years before she left him and fled to Texas. I still remained in contact and for the past two years I was given temporary guardianship (that is a signed form stating that I would be my daughter's guardian while she was in Pennsylvania, it is notarized, from what I've researched I do not need to renew this, it remains valid until my ex deems otherwise).

My ex isn't the issue. Her estranged father is, who lives in Pennsylvania. They do not talk, and she does not want him interacting with her daughter. My ex's mother however, took my daughter to a family picnic (they were up from Texas) and re-introduced her to her grandfather.

Fast forward to today, he calls and he wants to see my daughter. I state that since she is leaving in two weeks, we've already filled up the schedule and both weekends are full. I apologize but state that if he had contacted me earlier in the summer I would have been more than gracious to arrange time (after I notified my daughter's mom she was not as amenable and preferred no contact, in fact, she refuses to answer his calls). Needless to say, he got angrier and angrier, telling me I had no rights, and should have left long ago (remember this guy had not been involved in his granddaughter's life for several years now). I understood the frustration, but I calmly stated that I wouldn't give up time because I had already made plans (truth, really). He then began to threaten and state that he had more rights than me, and I calmly stated that any arrangements to see my daughter needed to go through the mother, not me.

So now I'm shaken, and saddened that this man had to threaten, that he was saying things like how (upon hearing I was getting married) my daughter would be baggage and I should have walked out the door long ago, how my ex never liked me, how I was being taken advantage of, how my parents (who love my daughter and accept her as family, because she is family) probably don't want her in the picture with the potential of real grandchildren. I let him vent, but I was firm, I stated that I would have had no issue with him seeing her at the start of the summer (I only get 2.5 months) but now that I have just 13 days I really want to spend them with her (truth). He then says he would have called me earlier if he "had spoken to his daughter who won't return my calls", and I stated that unfortunately, since the mother of my daughter is the one who calls the shots, she needs to be informed and she needs to grant this approval.

I understand his actions but I need to know if what I did was right. I spoke with my daughter's mom right afterwards and explained everything and she was supportive and agreed with me, so I'm becalmed a little, but I worry that this guy is going to make this difficult for the next two weeks. I'm keeping that notarized form on me at all times. I am just concerned if it's enough (it's notarized and signed by both the birth mother and myself).

DaddyTorgo · 08-04-2009, 09:24 PM

i think so. hopefully things are alright...i'd also warn your daughter so that in case something does happen she doesn't totally freak out, if you can think of a way to do that...

JonInMiddleGA · 08-04-2009, 09:52 PM

I'd suggest being proactive & making the local authorities aware of the situation in advance. Better that they hear the story from you in advance before they have to make a snap judgment in a tense situation later.

DaddyTorgo · 08-04-2009, 09:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JonInMiddleGA

I'd suggest being proactive & making the local authorities aware of the situation in advance.

oooh good one

stevew · 08-04-2009, 10:06 PM

Due to the bits you've posted about the ex in the past there's no way I'd let your daughter see this guy.

Strikes me as he could be a pedaphile

Qwikshot · 08-04-2009, 10:11 PM

Thanks so much, I'm shaken, the police thing sounds wise. I have a copy of the notarized form.

There is such a fine line in all of this, I've to be so diplomatic amongst three parties of people who at times can really hate each other, and I have to shield this little child from all of it. I'm saddened because it was bad enough I have to send her home in two weeks, now I have to worry if there will be drama before she even boards the plane.

Noop · 08-04-2009, 10:14 PM

So your ex-girlfriend had a kid who has known you as daddy all her life. She broke up with you to be with some guy for two years and then broke up with him to move to Texas. So the child(who is not yours biologically) visits you for a few months in the state her father(sperm donor) lives in. Her grandmother took her to a family picnic where she met grandpa who told his son.

Sperm Donor calls and threatens you.

You're about to get married.

I feel bad for the little girl. Hope it all works out for the best though I am guessing that may be a stretch.

stevew · 08-04-2009, 10:23 PM

I'd also make sure your ex has a will granting you custody if that is possible.

Qwikshot · 08-04-2009, 10:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Noop

So your ex-girlfriend had a kid who has known you as daddy all her life. She broke up with you to be with some guy for two years and then broke up with him to move to Texas. So the child(who is not yours biologically) visits you for a few months in the state her father(sperm donor) lives in. Her grandmother took her to a family picnic where she met grandpa who told his son.

Sperm Donor calls and threatens you.

You're about to get married.

I feel bad for the little girl. Hope it all works out for the best though I am guessing that may be a stretch.

Just to clarify, it's not the birth father that is bothering me, he is not involved (yet, someday I'm sure this will occur)...this is my ex-girlfriend's dad, my daughter's grandfather. So the grandfather is the one (who has been estranged from his daughter) who is making demands to see my daughter.

In the end, I take this one day at a time, I realize how limited my time can be with her, and I realize that at any point it can end.

As for the will thing (referring to SteveW), I have inquired but while I have received verbal agreement from my ex, nothing has ever been put to paper, and I don't push it (I know I should) but I think it's a rather uncomfortable thing to bring up with my ex, and even my most diplomatic dialogue still won't over come that I'm asking in the event she dies that I get Zia. Perhaps with time that can happen, but like I said, it's a fine line and I just am thankful to have gotten eight years and this far.

I appreciate all your support.

JonInMiddleGA · 08-04-2009, 10:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Qwikshot

and I have to shield this little child from all of it.

Which is exactly why I thought about making a call ahead of time. I pictured a pretty nightmarish scenario that wouldn't be positive for a kid that seems to have enough drama in her background.

edit to add since I hit post sooner than intended: Any drama that might be created by the sperm donor once removed could pretty easily end up with her in either police/foster custody until they sorted the mess out or even worse in his de facto custody for at least however long it took them to sort it out. Sounds to me like even one unsupervised minute at this point is one too many.

RomaGoth · 08-05-2009, 09:49 AM

Being the a-hole I am, I would have probably hung up on the guy after telling him that his rights with a grandchild he has had no contact with are null. I would recommend taking the advice of others in the thread, such as contacting the authorities and letting them know what is going on, and making sure your ex has a will with you in it.

chesapeake · 08-05-2009, 10:18 AM

You need Zia's mom to sign a will that designates you as guardian should she become incapacitated or killed. This awful phonecall from Grandpa Jackass is a good catalyst to encourage her to do this. Honestly, she should have done this already. You can try and sweeten the deal by offering to pay the legal costs.

The last thing either of you wants is for Zia to twist in the wind in a foster home or worse because of a protracted legal battle resulting fromt he loss of her mom.

Celeval · 08-05-2009, 10:33 AM

+1 to the will. She needs to decide, get it in writing, get it notarized. Nothing that can't be changed later, but that could be a big deal.

It also couldn't hurt to have her sign and date something, even "unofficial" in front of a notary that reaffirms her trust and desire in that form you have now - in case grandpa tries to make the argument that it was signed years ago, you've since broken up and you shouldn't have the ability, blah blah blah.

RomaGoth · 08-05-2009, 10:40 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by chesapeake

This awful phonecall from Grandpa Jackass is a good catalyst to encourage her to do this.

Castlerock · 08-05-2009, 11:26 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Qwikshot

As for the will thing (referring to SteveW), I have inquired but while I have received verbal agreement from my ex, nothing has ever been put to paper, and I don't push it (I know I should) but I think it's a rather uncomfortable thing to bring up with my ex, and even my most diplomatic dialogue still won't over come that I'm asking in the event she dies that I get Zia. Perhaps with time that can happen, but like I said, it's a fine line and I just am thankful to have gotten eight years and this far.

This isn't about you being selfish. This is about what is in the best interest of Zia. A verbal agreement is essentially nothing.

Get a will drawn up. Is a custody battle in Zia's best interest? Uncomfortable or not, it needs to be done.

Qwikshot · 08-07-2009, 01:23 PM

Just an update, thanks for all those who chimed in.

My ex will be writing a will, the recipient to care for my daughter will be the new guy (they're getting engaged when the divorce #2 is finalized). Now while I'm all for stability, and from the outset this guy is responsible and seems to be genuinely interested in the wellbeing of my daughter, so I'm not going to argue it, I do want some sort of provision for visitation.

She even talked about adoption, which I'm cringing at, I wrote to her not to rush that aspect and perhaps when we have the "talk" next summer over the back story of our lives that she would talk to my daughter about what she would like (not that I want my daughter to be on the spot, but I think that her opinion is just as good as any other, I mean this isn't clear cut like godparents or anything like that).

But it was at least a path forward...

Naturally, my ex says next summer we'll have a better arranged plan to provide visits to the grandparents, I said fine as long as I don't have to interact with him, and that we do the "talk" before he meets her again so he can't be a vindictive fool.

It's sad, but not unexpected and I'm doing the best I can about it, I knew this was going to be a hard road to take, but I got eight years and hopefully a few more before she gets old enough to want to stay in Texas with friends and the like.

I do wonder how she'll take the news, I guess I'm saddened about that too but it has to be done, I just don't want my ex making that an excuse to reduce time. That is why I really stuck around as much as I could to at least make my daughter aware that she can contact me and never really be without me.

I don't regret my decision, my daughter has made me a better person, I just hope that the future is stable and safe for her.

DaddyTorgo · 08-07-2009, 02:16 PM

hopefully Qwik you can have a good relationship with this new guy as well, that way he'll be on your side as far as visitation and seeing her and the like. i'd make that a priority as well.

08-04-2009, 09:52 PM	#3
JonInMiddleGA Hall Of Famer Join Date: Nov 2000 Location: Behind Enemy Lines in Athens, GA	I'd suggest being proactive & making the local authorities aware of the situation in advance. Better that they hear the story from you in advance before they have to make a snap judgment in a tense situation later. __________________ "I lit another cigarette. Unless I specifically inform you to the contrary, I am always lighting another cigarette." - from a novel by Martin Amis Last edited by JonInMiddleGA : 08-04-2009 at 09:53 PM.

08-04-2009, 10:11 PM	#6
Qwikshot Pro Starter Join Date: Feb 2002 Location: ...down the gravity well	Thanks so much, I'm shaken, the police thing sounds wise. I have a copy of the notarized form. There is such a fine line in all of this, I've to be so diplomatic amongst three parties of people who at times can really hate each other, and I have to shield this little child from all of it. I'm saddened because it was bad enough I have to send her home in two weeks, now I have to worry if there will be drama before she even boards the plane. __________________ "General Woundwort's body was never found. It could be that he still lives his fierce life somewhere else, but from that day on, mother rabbits would tell their kittens that if they did not do as they were told, the General would get them. Such was Woundwort's monument, and perhaps it would not have displeased him." Watership Down, Richard Adams

08-04-2009, 10:14 PM	#7
Noop Bonafide Seminole Fan Join Date: Oct 2002 Location: Miami	So your ex-girlfriend had a kid who has known you as daddy all her life. She broke up with you to be with some guy for two years and then broke up with him to move to Texas. So the child(who is not yours biologically) visits you for a few months in the state her father(sperm donor) lives in. Her grandmother took her to a family picnic where she met grandpa who told his son. Sperm Donor calls and threatens you. You're about to get married. I feel bad for the little girl. Hope it all works out for the best though I am guessing that may be a stretch. __________________ Subby's favorite woman hater.

08-07-2009, 01:23 PM	#16
Qwikshot Pro Starter Join Date: Feb 2002 Location: ...down the gravity well	Just an update, thanks for all those who chimed in. My ex will be writing a will, the recipient to care for my daughter will be the new guy (they're getting engaged when the divorce #2 is finalized). Now while I'm all for stability, and from the outset this guy is responsible and seems to be genuinely interested in the wellbeing of my daughter, so I'm not going to argue it, I do want some sort of provision for visitation. She even talked about adoption, which I'm cringing at, I wrote to her not to rush that aspect and perhaps when we have the "talk" next summer over the back story of our lives that she would talk to my daughter about what she would like (not that I want my daughter to be on the spot, but I think that her opinion is just as good as any other, I mean this isn't clear cut like godparents or anything like that). But it was at least a path forward... Naturally, my ex says next summer we'll have a better arranged plan to provide visits to the grandparents, I said fine as long as I don't have to interact with him, and that we do the "talk" before he meets her again so he can't be a vindictive fool. It's sad, but not unexpected and I'm doing the best I can about it, I knew this was going to be a hard road to take, but I got eight years and hopefully a few more before she gets old enough to want to stay in Texas with friends and the like. I do wonder how she'll take the news, I guess I'm saddened about that too but it has to be done, I just don't want my ex making that an excuse to reduce time. That is why I really stuck around as much as I could to at least make my daughter aware that she can contact me and never really be without me. I don't regret my decision, my daughter has made me a better person, I just hope that the future is stable and safe for her. __________________ "General Woundwort's body was never found. It could be that he still lives his fierce life somewhere else, but from that day on, mother rabbits would tell their kittens that if they did not do as they were told, the General would get them. Such was Woundwort's monument, and perhaps it would not have displeased him." Watership Down, Richard Adams

08-07-2009, 02:16 PM	#17
DaddyTorgo Hall Of Famer Join Date: Oct 2002 Location: Massachusetts	hopefully Qwik you can have a good relationship with this new guy as well, that way he'll be on your side as far as visitation and seeing her and the like. i'd make that a priority as well. __________________ Get bent whoever hacked my pw and changed my signature.

08-04-2009, 09:24 PM	#2
DaddyTorgo Hall Of Famer Join Date: Oct 2002 Location: Massachusetts	i think so. hopefully things are alright...i'd also warn your daughter so that in case something does happen she doesn't totally freak out, if you can think of a way to do that... __________________ Get bent whoever hacked my pw and changed my signature.

08-04-2009, 10:06 PM	#5
stevew Hall Of Famer Join Date: Dec 2003 Location: the yo'	Due to the bits you've posted about the ex in the past there's no way I'd let your daughter see this guy. Strikes me as he could be a pedaphile

08-04-2009, 10:23 PM	#8
stevew Hall Of Famer Join Date: Dec 2003 Location: the yo'	I'd also make sure your ex has a will granting you custody if that is possible.

08-05-2009, 09:49 AM	#11
RomaGoth Favored Bitch #2 Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: Here	Being the a-hole I am, I would have probably hung up on the guy after telling him that his rights with a grandchild he has had no contact with are null. I would recommend taking the advice of others in the thread, such as contacting the authorities and letting them know what is going on, and making sure your ex has a will with you in it.

08-05-2009, 10:18 AM	#12
chesapeake College Starter Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: Arlington, VA	You need Zia's mom to sign a will that designates you as guardian should she become incapacitated or killed. This awful phonecall from Grandpa Jackass is a good catalyst to encourage her to do this. Honestly, she should have done this already. You can try and sweeten the deal by offering to pay the legal costs. The last thing either of you wants is for Zia to twist in the wind in a foster home or worse because of a protracted legal battle resulting fromt he loss of her mom.

08-05-2009, 10:33 AM	#13
Celeval Pro Starter Join Date: Nov 2000 Location: Cary, NC, USA	+1 to the will. She needs to decide, get it in writing, get it notarized. Nothing that can't be changed later, but that could be a big deal. It also couldn't hurt to have her sign and date something, even "unofficial" in front of a notary that reaffirms her trust and desire in that form you have now - in case grandpa tries to make the argument that it was signed years ago, you've since broken up and you shouldn't have the ability, blah blah blah.

Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)