Battle Lines Drawn

tarcone · 05-28-2010, 01:05 PM

Oh boy. My wife and just turned 10 year old daughter have drawn the lines in the sand. After reading Todds thread, I can only see their actions a almost manic. It is crazy. I would give examples, but there are too many to give. Basically, my daughter feels that my wife "yells" at Her ALL the time. Of course nothing my daughter does is wrong, in her eyes.
Any advice dealing with a mother and daughter that are exactly alike would be appreciated.

Subby · 05-28-2010, 01:13 PM

Family counseling.

JediKooter · 05-28-2010, 01:20 PM

Sounds a lot like a 10 year old trying to act beyond her age, but, that's hard to tell without some more context. Has your daughter been disciplined in any way due to her behavior?

Ksyrup · 05-28-2010, 01:40 PM

I'm not sure what to tell you, other than you aren't alone. I don't have the oil-and-water issue with my wife and daughter, though (at least not above and beyond the normal frictions).

Our oldest daughter will be 11 in August. She's a good kid - lazy and whiny, but hey, she's doing well in school and is generally responsible. The thing I'm having the hardest time dealing with about her behavior is reconciling the grown-up things she does with the outbursts of crying/throwing tantrums over stupid shit like what shoes she wears and if she has to take a shower. In the course of yesterday, she made lunches for herself and her sister for school without being asked, got a perfect score reciting the Gettysburg Address at school, practiced for the end of year talent show, and pitched a 4-inning shutout in a softball game that night...and yet she threw a tantrum about her shoes when we got home. It's like she turned into our 6-year old in the blink of an eye.

I know it's obviously the transition from kid to teen/adult, but it's maddening to deal with.

Drake · 05-28-2010, 01:51 PM

Do you feel like your wife yells at your daughter all the time?

I should have started figuring out things weren't right with my wife when I routinely felt like I had to be between her and our children to protect them from her anger. She wasn't ever really physically abusive, but she was vicious and screamy and angry all the time. When my wife was in the early stages of mania, she'd literally scream at our kids for 25-30 minutes over piddly little shit if I let her (and I heard horror stories about it, often from her, when I was at work during the day). Part of my wife's manic manifestation was that she simply couldn't rein in the rage, so doing something like screaming at them for 30 minutes for dropping ice cream on the carpet (when they were told they couldn't have ice cream anyway) seemed appropriate in her universe...until later, then she'd feel remorseful and apologetic and pull the whole "I shouldn't have yelled at you like that, ... but it wouldn't have happened if you had done what I told you in the first place" abuser's gambit.

What I'm saying here is that if your wife is acting like what I describe, then you need to intervene to protect your daughter from your wife.

If, in your observation, your wife is setting appropriate rules and responding to rule-breaking/discipline appropriately, then family counseling is a good route to follow.

Or you could just build a den and hide in there until the womenz sort it out.

Chief Rum · 05-28-2010, 01:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ksyrup

I'm not sure what to tell you, other than you aren't alone. I don't have the oil-and-water issue with my wife and daughter, though (at least not above and beyond the normal frictions).

Our oldest daughter will be 11 in August. She's a good kid - lazy and whiny, but hey, she's doing well in school and is generally responsible. The thing I'm having the hardest time dealing with about her behavior is reconciling the grown-up things she does with the outbursts of crying/throwing tantrums over stupid shit like what shoes she wears and if she has to take a shower. In the course of yesterday, she made lunches for herself and her sister for school without being asked, got a perfect score reciting the Gettysburg Address at school, practiced for the end of year talent show, and pitched a 4-inning shutout in a softball game that night...and yet she threw a tantrum about her shoes when we got home. It's like she turned into our 6-year old in the blink of an eye.

I know it's obviously the transition from kid to teen/adult, but it's maddening to deal with.

Heh, from my perspective, that series of episodes is less representative of "child transitioning to adult" than simply "female".

JonInMiddleGA · 05-28-2010, 01:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tarcone

Any advice dealing with a mother and daughter that are exactly alike would be appreciated.

Either lock both of them in a room until they sort it out (in about 20 years) or lock yourself in a room for the same length of time + another 10-20 years (just to make sure).

DanGarion · 05-28-2010, 02:00 PM

A good ole spanking and restriction usually put me in my place when I was a kid.

SackAttack · 05-28-2010, 02:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chief Rum

Heh, from my perspective, that series of episodes is less representative of "child transitioning to adult" than simply "female".

+1

Sun Tzu · 05-28-2010, 02:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chief Rum

Heh, from my perspective, that series of episodes is less representative of "child transitioning to adult" than simply "female".

AMEN

RainMaker · 05-28-2010, 02:13 PM

That's not manic. It's tough to explain to someone about a mania episode without them actually seeing it firsthand. It puts the kind of behaivor you describe to shame. It's as if people convert into an alter ego.

It sounds more like just a kid growing up. They tend to become little sociopaths at some point and she's testing her boundaries. The counseling option is probably a good idea if it gets too bad.

MacroGuru · 05-28-2010, 02:21 PM

I don't know...we had to go a severe route with my 13 yr old lately...I would call it growing up...wait until she gets into the guys...and doesn't understand or chooses to ignore the "age" thing....especially when a guy chooses to ignore it...he meets dad and a bat...

tarcone · 05-28-2010, 02:22 PM

Yeah, I was reading the other thread before I posted this. I havent seen an alter ego.

I guess I just dont get females. Hiding seems to be the best option.

tarcone · 05-28-2010, 02:24 PM

I teach 6th grade Physical Education at our Middle School. Last year was the group of boys that will be Seniors when my daughter is a Freshman.

Chief Rum · 05-28-2010, 02:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DanGarion

A good ole spanking and restriction usually put me in my place when I was a kid.

Yeah, not sure how that will go over with his wife. She might like the spanking, though.

DanGarion · 05-28-2010, 03:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chief Rum

Yeah, not sure how that will go over with his wife. She might like the spanking, though.

Hehe, exactly!

Uncle Briggs · 05-28-2010, 04:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ksyrup

I'm not sure what to tell you, other than you aren't alone. I don't have the oil-and-water issue with my wife and daughter, though (at least not above and beyond the normal frictions).

Our oldest daughter will be 11 in August. She's a good kid - lazy and whiny, but hey, she's doing well in school and is generally responsible. The thing I'm having the hardest time dealing with about her behavior is reconciling the grown-up things she does with the outbursts of crying/throwing tantrums over stupid shit like what shoes she wears and if she has to take a shower. In the course of yesterday, she made lunches for herself and her sister for school without being asked, got a perfect score reciting the Gettysburg Address at school, practiced for the end of year talent show, and pitched a 4-inning shutout in a softball game that night...and yet she threw a tantrum about her shoes when we got home. It's like she turned into our 6-year old in the blink of an eye.

I know it's obviously the transition from kid to teen/adult, but it's maddening to deal with.

Guy I work with had problems with his pre-teen daughter throwing tantrums - literally kicking and screaming and throwing herself on the floor. He started videotaping her and making her watch it later. Said it cleared the problem up pretty quick.

JonInMiddleGA · 05-28-2010, 06:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MacroGuru

especially when a guy chooses to ignore it...he meets dad and a bat...

Riddle me this, riddle me that, who's afraid of an old man with a bat?

Personally I found meeting the father while he happened to be cleaning a small arsenal of firearms to be an effective form of dissuasion.

JediKooter · 05-28-2010, 06:29 PM

My good friend hung up his targets, from the previous day at the shooting range, on his front door before his daughters date arrived. I heard the date ended early.

Marc Vaughan · 05-28-2010, 06:41 PM

My daughters just turned 16 - both she and her mom are HEADSTRONG to the nth degree.

They're both intelligent, opinionated and stubborn and each will try and get me onside to win an argument ... but I've learnt the hardway not to take sides and leave em to it - they're female they don't want an intelligent discussion or a logical conclusion, they want to bitch for a while so let em

PS - Haven't had the whole 'dating' thing come up yet - my daughters intent on being a psychiatrist and totally focussed on that at present ..... kinda nervous about when it does happen though, should be 'interesting' .... I unfortunately remember what I was like as a teenage boy.

05-28-2010, 01:13 PM	#2
Subby lolzcat Join Date: Oct 2000 Location: sans pants	Family counseling. __________________ Superman was flying around and saw Wonder Woman getting a tan in the nude on her balcony. Superman said I going to hit that real fast. So he flys down toward Wonder Woman to hit it and their is a loud scream. The Invincible Man scream what just hit me in the ass!!!!! I do shit, I take pictures, I write about it: chrisshue.com

05-28-2010, 01:20 PM	#3
JediKooter Coordinator Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: San Diego via Sausalito via San Jose via San Diego	Sounds a lot like a 10 year old trying to act beyond her age, but, that's hard to tell without some more context. Has your daughter been disciplined in any way due to her behavior? __________________ I'm no longer a Chargers fan, they are dead to me Coming this summer to a movie theater near you: The Adventures of Jedikooter: Part 4

05-28-2010, 01:40 PM	#4
Ksyrup This guy has posted so much, his fingers are about to fall off. Join Date: Nov 2000 Location: In Absentia	I'm not sure what to tell you, other than you aren't alone. I don't have the oil-and-water issue with my wife and daughter, though (at least not above and beyond the normal frictions). Our oldest daughter will be 11 in August. She's a good kid - lazy and whiny, but hey, she's doing well in school and is generally responsible. The thing I'm having the hardest time dealing with about her behavior is reconciling the grown-up things she does with the outbursts of crying/throwing tantrums over stupid shit like what shoes she wears and if she has to take a shower. In the course of yesterday, she made lunches for herself and her sister for school without being asked, got a perfect score reciting the Gettysburg Address at school, practiced for the end of year talent show, and pitched a 4-inning shutout in a softball game that night...and yet she threw a tantrum about her shoes when we got home. It's like she turned into our 6-year old in the blink of an eye. I know it's obviously the transition from kid to teen/adult, but it's maddening to deal with. __________________ M's pitcher Miguel Batista: "Now, I feel like I've had everything. I've talked pitching with Sandy Koufax, had Kenny G play for me. Maybe if I could have an interview with God, then I'd be served. I'd be complete."

05-28-2010, 02:00 PM	#8
DanGarion Coordinator Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: The Great Northwest	A good ole spanking and restriction usually put me in my place when I was a kid. __________________ Los Angeles Dodgers Check out the FOFC Groups on Facebook! and Reddit! DON'T REPORT ME BRO!

05-28-2010, 02:21 PM	#12
MacroGuru Coordinator Join Date: May 2003 Location: Utah	I don't know...we had to go a severe route with my 13 yr old lately...I would call it growing up...wait until she gets into the guys...and doesn't understand or chooses to ignore the "age" thing....especially when a guy chooses to ignore it...he meets dad and a bat... __________________ "forgetting what is in the past, I strive for the future"

05-28-2010, 01:51 PM	#5
Drake assmaster Join Date: Feb 2001 Location: Bloomington, IN	Do you feel like your wife yells at your daughter all the time? I should have started figuring out things weren't right with my wife when I routinely felt like I had to be between her and our children to protect them from her anger. She wasn't ever really physically abusive, but she was vicious and screamy and angry all the time. When my wife was in the early stages of mania, she'd literally scream at our kids for 25-30 minutes over piddly little shit if I let her (and I heard horror stories about it, often from her, when I was at work during the day). Part of my wife's manic manifestation was that she simply couldn't rein in the rage, so doing something like screaming at them for 30 minutes for dropping ice cream on the carpet (when they were told they couldn't have ice cream anyway) seemed appropriate in her universe...until later, then she'd feel remorseful and apologetic and pull the whole "I shouldn't have yelled at you like that, ... but it wouldn't have happened if you had done what I told you in the first place" abuser's gambit. What I'm saying here is that if your wife is acting like what I describe, then you need to intervene to protect your daughter from your wife. If, in your observation, your wife is setting appropriate rules and responding to rule-breaking/discipline appropriately, then family counseling is a good route to follow. Or you could just build a den and hide in there until the womenz sort it out.

05-28-2010, 02:13 PM	#11
RainMaker Hall Of Famer Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Chicago, IL	That's not manic. It's tough to explain to someone about a mania episode without them actually seeing it firsthand. It puts the kind of behaivor you describe to shame. It's as if people convert into an alter ego. It sounds more like just a kid growing up. They tend to become little sociopaths at some point and she's testing her boundaries. The counseling option is probably a good idea if it gets too bad.

05-28-2010, 02:22 PM	#13
tarcone Coordinator Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: Pacific	Yeah, I was reading the other thread before I posted this. I havent seen an alter ego. I guess I just dont get females. Hiding seems to be the best option.

05-28-2010, 02:24 PM	#14
tarcone Coordinator Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: Pacific	I teach 6th grade Physical Education at our Middle School. Last year was the group of boys that will be Seniors when my daughter is a Freshman.

05-28-2010, 06:29 PM	#19
JediKooter Coordinator Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: San Diego via Sausalito via San Jose via San Diego	My good friend hung up his targets, from the previous day at the shooting range, on his front door before his daughters date arrived. I heard the date ended early. __________________ I'm no longer a Chargers fan, they are dead to me Coming this summer to a movie theater near you: The Adventures of Jedikooter: Part 4

05-28-2010, 06:41 PM	#20
Marc Vaughan SI Games Join Date: Oct 2000 Location: Melbourne, FL	My daughters just turned 16 - both she and her mom are HEADSTRONG to the nth degree. They're both intelligent, opinionated and stubborn and each will try and get me onside to win an argument ... but I've learnt the hardway not to take sides and leave em to it - they're female they don't want an intelligent discussion or a logical conclusion, they want to bitch for a while so let em PS - Haven't had the whole 'dating' thing come up yet - my daughters intent on being a psychiatrist and totally focussed on that at present ..... kinda nervous about when it does happen though, should be 'interesting' .... I unfortunately remember what I was like as a teenage boy.

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