Dear VH1 Classic

[thesloppy]

I think it's safe to say that by playing the made-for-TV movie about the Temptations every 3 days, over the course of the last 2 years, you have ended our nation's long nightmare, and everybody who absolutely needed to see that shit 3 or 4 dozen times has done so. Same goes double for '3 Men and a Baby'.

Seriously, I know the 'MTV doesn't even play videos anymore!' angle is old, tired and worn out, but it really is pretty ridiculous how no matter how many goddamn channels MTV/VH1 adds to its crusty, bloated lineup, even the one piddly channel they have usually reduced to actually playing music videos eventually succumbs to crap creep. VH1 classic, in its prior musical form, actually provided me with hours of daily entertainment, due to its catalog of outdated, antiquated music matching up with my crappy, outdated tastes, but now for some reason it's become home to a handful of piss-poor movies that they play repeatedly, and 6 reruns per day of 'That Metal Show', which is like hanging out and talking music with a bunch of people who are much less entertaining, and have way less discriminating tastes than everybody you know in real life!

Where do I go now for DeBarge videos? I know MTV can hook me up with a wide selection of reality shows based on our nation's most vapid teens and twentysomethings, MTV2 is my go-to for 6 hours of 'Silent Library' non-stop, VH1 is the place to be for F-list celebrities cataloging the pop-culture of my youth and sending has-beens out on communal blind dates, VH1 Classic is constantly alternating between 'Caddyshack' and 'The Wall' because of course that makes perfect fucking sense, so where the hell am I supposed go to see MC Skat Kat serenade Paula Abdul?

[Honolulu_Blue]

Originally Posted by thesloppy

Where do I go now for DeBarge videos? .... so where the hell am I supposed go to see MC Skat Kat serenade Paula Abdul?

Youtube.

[Pumpy Tudors]

Originally Posted by Honolulu_Blue

Youtube.

You can get Paula Abdul scat videos on Youtube?!

[Pumpy Tudors]

Oh.

[thesloppy]

Originally Posted by Honolulu_Blue

Youtube.

That was like, a rhetorical question. When a man wants to watch Grim Reaper's 'See You In Hell', he doesn't want a poorly streaming, pixelated postcard.

[sterlingice]

Originally Posted by thesloppy

Seriously, I know the 'MTV doesn't even play videos anymore!' angle is old, tired and worn out, but it really is pretty ridiculous how no matter how many goddamn channels MTV/VH1 adds to its crusty, bloated lineup, even the one piddly channel they have usually reduced to actually playing music videos eventually succumbs to crap creep.

And, at the end of the day, there it is, isn't it? You think they add another channel so they can put, you know, music on it. But some jackass producer or station exec isn't content that, let's say, VH-Music- only gets them 2c in subscriber fees and is profitable. So, they start trying to get cute and work their way up to a 5c subscriber fee by trying to add in "I love watching people talk about music from the 80s" or "Really big house full of people who are even more pathetic than you". And, as soon as one of those registers a weak Nielsen pulse- like that of a 90 year old Dick Cheney- what happens? Does it get promoted to MTVOcho, like that one pitch pitcher who can throw a 95 mph straight ball and mow down kids just out of high school in rookie ball, only to get justifiably killed in A ball unless he can develop secondary pitches... or movement... or some semblance of control? No, that would be a just and fair world where the wheat can be separated from the chaff. Instead, it has to be on 6 hours a day every day of the week and suddenly that dim musical candle you enjoyed for such a fleeting moment is snuffed out again. But don't worry- in 12 to 18 months, you'll turn around to see your cable fees go up another $5 and go "Hey, they just added a 5th MTV!" and the cycle will predictably repeat itself.

SI

[thesloppy]

Case in point:



At 2:20 I can barely make out all the hot licks Michael Angelo Batio is laying down on his four-necked guitar. Tragic.

[Honolulu_Blue]

Originally Posted by thesloppy

That was like, a rhetorical question. When a man wants to watch Grim Reaper's 'See You In Hell', he doesn't want a poorly streaming, pixelated postcard.

I suppose. I haven't watched any MTV or VH1 channel in over 6 years. The last time I watched MTV was when I was living in Europe and there were only like 4 English speaking channels. MTV Europe did play its fair share of videos, actually. I haven't watched any sort of US MTV/VH1 in ages.

I am really not much of a music person, so I don't really care though.

[Mustang]

The odds of me watching anything on MTV is equal to the odds of me watching paint dry.

Sorry, that was not necessary. I didn't mean to insult paint drying watching that much.

[Mustang]

Originally Posted by thesloppy

At 2:20 I can barely make out all the hot licks Michael Angelo Batio is laying down on his four-necked guitar. Tragic.

Makes me want to start up Holland on my Ipod now.

[Honolulu_Blue]

Originally Posted by thesloppy

Case in point:

At 2:20 I can barely make out all the hot licks Michael Angelo Batio is laying down on his four-necked guitar. Tragic.

Sorry, Old Timer. Maybe it's time to move on.

Either that, or you can put in your "Nitro" casette tape in your Ghetto Blaster and then just watch the video on "mute". Great sound quality and the video. It's a win-win!

[thesloppy]

Originally Posted by Mustang

The odds of me watching anything on MTV is equal to the odds of me watching paint dry.

You mean like ACTUAL MTV, the MTV station? I'm too old to even process what the hell is happening on that station, all I know for sure is that most of it makes me angry.

The value of old-style VH1 Classic to me personally was as 'filler' during commercial breaks, or the breaks in between movies or shows. A classic video or two was a fine, mindless way to fill 2-15 minutes...catching 5 minutes of a rerun of Eddie Trunk fellating Dee Snider for 'That Metal Show' doesn't have nearly the appeal.

[thesloppy]

Originally Posted by Honolulu_Blue

Either that, or you can put in your "Nitro" casette tape in your Ghetto Blaster and then just watch the video on "mute".

Oh, cassette tapes! Even a curmudgeon like myself can't muster up nostalgia for the days of tapes. Nothing like the joy of accidentally leaving a favorite tape on the dashboard of a car on a sunny day, only to return and find something resembling a puddle.

[Galaxy]

I agree.

One thing I've always liked about VH1 Classic is I get a chance to hear a song or two I've might of never heard before.

[Ksyrup]

Originally Posted by thesloppy

Case in point:




At 2:20 I can barely make out all the hot licks Michael Angelo Batio is laying down on his four-necked guitar. Tragic.

Get with the times. Four-neck guitars are soooooo 80s.