Do you and your significant other talk about masturbation?

[Lathum]

My wife and I were out tonight and the topic came up. I find it a little awkward to talk to my wife about it. She of course knows this and brings it up at odd times to make fun of me and make me squirm.

So my question is, how often do you and your s/o talk about it and how comfortable are you talking about it?

[Abe Sargent]

Regularly.

[k0ruptr]

[sabotai]

Do it in front of each other. Then it won't be awkward anymore.

[Pumpy Tudors]

I guess my wife and I have talked about masturbation at some point, but it's not really something we spend any significant time talking about. The subject comes up about as often as the subject of the import and export of wheat in Gabon.

[RendeR]

We have before, but its not something that just comes up in conversation. Neither of us is that particularly bothered by it as far as I know and we've never been the type to bring something up just to poke fun at one another.

[Shkspr]

Look, I don't pry into my wife's sex life and she doesn't pry into mine.

[Karlifornia]

Yeah, not every day or anything, but regularly. One morning I woke up to her masturbating next to me, and then, like Bachman Turner Overdrive, I was takin care of business.

[CrimsonFox]

[StLee]

Healthy relationship: You and your significant other talking about masturbation and occasionally masturbating together.

Unhealthy relationship: One significant other who is ashamed of masturbation and the other who uses it to shame that person.

Seriously, masturbation is not something your significant other should make you feel ashamed of.

[IrishHand]

Originally Posted by StLee

Healthy relationship: You and your significant other talking about masturbation and occasionally masturbating together.

Unhealthy relationship: One significant other who is ashamed of masturbation and the other who uses it to shame that person.

Seriously, masturbation is not something your significant other should make you feel ashamed of.

[Grover]

Lathum, just let her give you a hand!

/badjoke

[Suburban Rhythm]

Originally Posted by IrishHand

Nothing to add, I just really like that IrishHand posted in this thread.

[IrishHand]

I was a little dismayed when I discovered what my name googled (on urbandictionary).

[RedKingGold]

Awesome (about IrishHand)

[Lathum]

Originally Posted by StLee

Healthy relationship: You and your significant other talking about masturbation and occasionally masturbating together.

Unhealthy relationship: One significant other who is ashamed of masturbation and the other who uses it to shame that person.

Seriously, masturbation is not something your significant other should make you feel ashamed of.

Perhaps I misrepresented my original post. No one makes the other feel ashamed about anything. Its more just something we don't talk about. She doesn't make me feel bad about it or think it is wrong. I think people lead their sex lives in different ways, and as long as it works that is fine. We don't discuss it and never do it in front of each other, and that works for us. She more pokes fun about the fact I don't like to talk about it, not that I do it. If she ever actually wanted to have a serious discussion about it I would be able to.

My wife and I have an extremely healthy relationship, she is my best friend and partner in everything. We have a wonderful son and are currently trying for another one. Are in great physical and financial health, and are very happy w/our sex life and married life.

I'm not sure it is fair to say ones relationship isn't healthy based of one subject they choose to not discuss. Just like it wouldn't be fair to judge a member we have here who likes to swing. Because that certainly isn't true. I was just curios how others discussed the topis with their wives.

[Lathum]

Originally Posted by RedKingGold

Awesome (about IrishHand)

+1

[BYU 14]

Originally Posted by IrishHand

I was a little dismayed when I discovered what my name googled (on urbandictionary).

Nothing to feel uncomfortable about, we can talk if you like

On the subject, My wife and I talk about all things related to sex, not constantly but on a frequent basis, no big deal, though I am more comfortable with it than she is.

I have a really funny story I wish I could share about one topic we didn't talk about early in our relationship that led to some interesting moments, but she would kill me!

[bulletsponge]

seriously get her to crank your shaft

[cuervo72]

No. She's expressed her displeasure with the idea in the past. Of course she's not really big on sex either, so I don't know what she thinks I'm doing. Practicing to be a priest, I guess.

[JonInMiddleGA]

I think this falls under what could be termed "don't ask, don't tell"

I'm assuming that your question really relates to solo activities as opposed to anything mutual that's part of your broader sex life, and if that's the case, then I'd say I recognize how you describe her treatment of the subject. I'm sure my wife has taken more than one shot at the subject - privately that is - but it's never been anything but in good humor, just part of the friendly banter that takes place in (most?) marriages.

For some idea of what I mean, she might say something like "nobody could possibly stay up that late that many nights just playing games on the computer. I know what's on the internet, I know what you're really doing". I might reply "hey, as long as it doesn't cost anything ..." She's mostly poking around to see if I'll reveal something, I'm parrying that gambit, we're briefly & mildly amused by the exchange & life goes on.

[Lathum]

Our wives should hang out some time...

[Lathum]

Originally Posted by JonInMiddleGA

For some idea of what I mean, she might say something like "nobody could possibly stay up that late that many nights just playing games on the computer. I know what's on the internet, I know what you're really doing". I might reply "hey, as long as it doesn't cost anything ..." She's mostly poking around to see if I'll reveal something, I'm parrying that gambit, we're briefly & mildly amused by the exchange & life goes on.

perfect description

[JonInMiddleGA]

Originally Posted by Lathum

Our wives should hang out some time...

Would almost certainly just make things worse for both of us

[lungs]

My significant other is my hand, so we do discuss it quite often.

[CrimsonFox]

Originally Posted by Shkspr

Look, I don't pry into my wife's sex life and she doesn't pry into mine.

The wiener and champion!

[Matthean]

I'll take the unpopular response. Masturbating is a selfish act. Doing so in a marriage is even more so. If I had a wife and she was masturbating without my involvement, I would want to know and find out why that is happening. Same thing goes if I was doing it. I would want to tell my wife so we could work on things. I just don't get being married and still "needing" porn, or using a "don't ask, don't tell" policy. It's sad really.

[JonInMiddleGA]

Originally Posted by Matthean

I just don't get being married and still "needing" porn, or using a "don't ask, don't tell" policy.

You've been married how long?
edit to add:

[rowech]

Originally Posted by Matthean

I'll take the unpopular response. Masturbating is a selfish act. Doing so in a marriage is even more so. If I had a wife and she was masturbating without my involvement, I would want to know and find out why that is happening. Same thing goes if I was doing it. I would want to tell my wife so we could work on things. I just don't get being married and still "needing" porn, or using a "don't ask, don't tell" policy. It's sad really.

I've been masturbating since I was 13 or 14. If anything, I'm cheating on that with my wife.

[CrimsonFox]

Originally Posted by rowech

I've been masturbating since I was 13 or 14. If anything, I'm cheating on that with my wife.

That is awesome. And before that you no doubt cheated on your left hand with your right hand.

[CrimsonFox]

Originally Posted by Lathum

Perhaps I misrepresented my original post. No one makes the other feel ashamed about anything. Its more just something we don't talk about. She doesn't make me feel bad about it or think it is wrong. I think people lead their sex lives in different ways, and as long as it works that is fine. We don't discuss it and never do it in front of each other, and that works for us. She more pokes fun about the fact I don't like to talk about it, not that I do it. If she ever actually wanted to have a serious discussion about it I would be able to.

My wife and I have an extremely healthy relationship, she is my best friend and partner in everything. We have a wonderful son and are currently trying for another one. Are in great physical and financial health, and are very happy w/our sex life and married life.

I'm not sure it is fair to say ones relationship isn't healthy based of one subject they choose to not discuss. Just like it wouldn't be fair to judge a member we have here who likes to swing. Because that certainly isn't true. I was just curios how others discussed the topis with their wives.

Sounds like some good teasing and that she knows how to push your buttons. It IS a weird topic to just bring up. I even wonder if she brings it up as a possible roundabout way of wanting to participate in such a thing.

As for teasing you about internet porn, now THAT sounds like kneejerk jealousy about looking at other women. Reminds me of the That 70s show ep when Donna finds eric's porn.

[cuervo72]

Originally Posted by JonInMiddleGA

I think this falls under what could be termed "don't ask, don't tell"

Yeah, this phrase did cross my mind.

edit: I for one *could* stay up that late regularly on the computer though. Either online leagues or CoH.


Regarding the DADT though...I could swear that at times in the past my wife has said she considers it cheating in a way. So I've never really looked to ask for further clarification.

[Lathum]

Originally Posted by rowech

I've been masturbating since I was 13 or 14. If anything, I'm cheating on that with my wife.

This makes me wish we still had quote of the moment. Gold.

[JonInMiddleGA]

Originally Posted by cuervo72

edit: I for one *could* stay up that late regularly on the computer though. Either online leagues or CoH.

Which is part of the joke itself, since 99.9% of my nearly allnighters are strictly gaming, either on console or PC ... and she knows that, or at least knows a high percentage of them are (I suspect that she suspects that my less savory pursuits are a bigger portion than they really are).

[Pumpy Tudors]

Honestly, I wish my wife and I would talk more about masturbation. Our current situation is disturbing because every time I come out of the bathroom after masturbating, I walk right into half a dozen of her friends standing outside the door giggling and throwing confetti in my face.

[Julio Riddols]

Whats worse is when the confetti gets in your eyes.

[Suburban Rhythm]

Originally Posted by Pumpy Tudors

Honestly, I wish my wife and I would talk more about masturbation. Our current situation is disturbing because every time I come out of the bathroom after masturbating, I walk right into half a dozen of her friends standing outside the door giggling and throwing confetti in my face.

In a post that references masturbation, your wife, her friends, and giggling, confetti is the last thing I expected to end up on someone's face.

[DeToxRox]

I talk to Logan's fiancee about it regularly.

[CU Tiger]

Originally Posted by Pumpy Tudors

Honestly, I wish my wife and I would talk more about masturbation.

No worries Pump....your wife and I talk about it ALL. THE. TIME. She's cool with it.

[cuervo72]

Originally Posted by Matthean

I'll take the unpopular response. Masturbating is a selfish act. Doing so in a marriage is even more so. If I had a wife and she was masturbating without my involvement, I would want to know and find out why that is happening. Same thing goes if I was doing it. I would want to tell my wife so we could work on things. I just don't get being married and still "needing" porn, or using a "don't ask, don't tell" policy. It's sad really.

Not saying it can't be sad, but if it's either saving one party from feeling obligated to say "ok fine, just make it quick" or the other from having to go to sleep frustrated for the Nth night in a row, then maybe it serves some benefit.

[JediKooter]

It's really hard to type a response here with one hadn....

[Pumpy Tudors]

It happened again last night, and I'm about 80% sure that it's confetti.

[Suicane75]

[Logan]

Originally Posted by DeToxRox

I talk to Logan's fiancee about it regularly.

That was my decision. "You think my obsession with girl on girl is bad? Go find out what Detox gets down on..."

So yes, we talk about it.

[Ksyrup]

Originally Posted by cuervo72

No. She's expressed her displeasure with the idea in the past. Of course she's not really big on sex either, so I don't know what she thinks I'm doing. Practicing to be a priest, I guess.

+1. Having dated/been married to my wife for half of our lives, and knowing her immediate family and the way she was raised (not religious at all, just... "Disneyfied" is probably the best way to describe it), I have no doubt that she's never touched herself. So if the subject came up and I acted like it was something everyone does, I am certain she wouldn't react all that well. I can't say she doesn't suspect I've done it, but I really don't know... and don't need to know. Status quo is just fine.

[Pumpy Tudors]

I thought women only touched themselves in porn films. Even then, they do it under strict scripting and direction, because women don't have any clue what the hell they've got down there. Right?

[CrimsonFox]

Originally Posted by Suicane75

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

[Pumpy Tudors]

Speaking of Pennywise, my wife offers me balloons after I'm done masturbating. I haven't asked her why.

[Autumn]

Originally Posted by Pumpy Tudors

Speaking of Pennywise, my wife offers me balloons after I'm done masturbating. I haven't asked her why.

Huh, mine hands them to be before I start ...

[Autumn]

Seriously, though, I'm in the middle camp here. My wife and I have certainly spoken about it at times over the past 20 years, but it's not like a regular topic of conversation. I know she does, she knows I do it much more, and if we wanted to talk about it we would. But I think it's something she'd rather know less about than more.

The problem is you can never, ever say you think about anything other than her when you masturbate, that's just bad mojo. So it makes it a bit hard to discuss ...