Finally, today I start over.

SegRat · 04-04-2013, 08:47 PM

After all the crap that I have dealt with, the first part is finally done. I told my wife I want a divorce. I fought like hell to save my marrige, to keep my family together, but after 9 months I can say that it is over. The weight is finally off my shoulders. I'm sure the next months will be tough going through all the divorce crap, but I am finally done. No turning around.

My only worry is how my son is going to handle this. He is almost 5. I pray he doesn't blame himself. My daughter is only 2, so I don't have much worry about her. I know this will be better for him in the long term, but I fear how he is doing today.

Eaglesfan27 · 04-04-2013, 08:48 PM

Good luck with everything.

DaddyTorgo · 04-04-2013, 08:49 PM

Sorry to hear about this Seg...kudos to you for fighting for something you believed in - no matter how much advice we here gave you, you have to do what you have to do so you can sleep at night and live with yourself.

Onward and upward hmm?

MacroGuru · 04-04-2013, 08:57 PM

Even at the age of 5 sit him down and tell him this is because of you and his mom, he has nothing to do with it.

And as soon as you can, get a custody/visitation agreement as well as a support agreement taken care of. I don't know if you have to have a legal separation before you divorce in your state, but me being slow and stupid in regards to mine has been a major headache. The ex is using my kids against me as we are moving forward.

BYU 14 · 04-04-2013, 09:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MacroGuru

And as soon as you can, get a custody/visitation agreement as well as a support agreement taken care of. I don't know if you have to have a legal separation before you divorce in your state,

This, get the legal stuff in line ASAP and no matter what she tells you look out for your interests first.

That said, sorry it came to this, you more than did your part and I wish you the best.

stevew · 04-04-2013, 09:31 PM

Best wishes.

Kodos · 04-04-2013, 10:22 PM

I hope you can get a lot of support from your family and friends as you go through this.

PilotMan · 04-04-2013, 10:41 PM

Hang in there man. I've been thinking about you a lot. Thanks for the update.

M GO BLUE!!! · 04-04-2013, 10:45 PM

Congratulations Nate.

Now you can begin. There will even be a time coming where you will be happy, and potentially meet someone whom you can share happiness with who will respect you.

I am glad you see this as what it is, a new start.

law90026 · 04-04-2013, 10:56 PM

Sorry to hear this but yes, please make sure you put in place all the legal protection you need so that you are not screwed over when everything is done.

JonInMiddleGA · 04-04-2013, 11:16 PM

Best of luck with everything moving forward.

And that's the direction you need to make sure you keep moving: forward.

kingfc22 · 04-04-2013, 11:59 PM

Best of luck and don't look back.

spleen1015 · 04-05-2013, 12:10 AM

Good luck, man.

A-Husker-4-Life · 04-05-2013, 12:10 AM

Good Luck and kick some ass in court.

Edward64 · 04-05-2013, 10:33 AM

Best wishes to you, son and daughter. I would continuously reinforce to your son that it wasn't his fault at all.

BillJasper · 04-05-2013, 10:56 AM

Good luck going forward.

Chief Rum · 04-05-2013, 05:15 PM

Best of luck to you, Seg.

ISiddiqui · 04-05-2013, 05:18 PM

Sorry to hear that it had to come to this. May things resolve quickly without much drama and may you be happier.

PurdueBrad · 04-05-2013, 05:22 PM

For the short term I'm sorry to hear this but in regards to your long term happiness and that of your kids, best of luck and I have faith that you'll make this all work.

Solecismic · 04-05-2013, 07:57 PM

My son was 5 when we separated. Basically, we just tried as hard as we could to keep him out of it and let him know he was loved.

Even today, years later, he has no idea what happened and that's probably a good thing. Because he was so young, he accepted it as part of life and had minimal adjustment problems. I think it's often harder with older kids because they want to know what happened and worry they were part of the split.

Make sure you have the best lawyer you can find, and try to keep everything out of the courts because judges are unpredictable. That means more money for you and the kids down the road. A few hours with a good lawyer are far, far better than 100 hours with a vindictive, bad lawyer.

The hard part is coming... my son did ask me about what happened quite frequently the first year or so. I told him he was too young to understand and that nothing was his fault. He asked when he'd be old enough. I said "12." He turned 10 a couple of weeks ago. I'd bet he remembers.

jeff061 · 04-05-2013, 08:04 PM

I was 5 when my folks split, I'd say my experiences are in line with Jim's advice. By the time I learned what the reasons were(both to blame) I really didn't care, I had shaped my own perception of who my parents were based on things that had nothing to do with the split.

Without knowing your custody circumstances and going off my personal experiences, make an effort to stay heavily involved in your kids life and all will work out with him.

M GO BLUE!!! · 04-05-2013, 10:24 PM

I was 4 when my mom did the smartest thing she ever did and split. I was a mess, but not because of the split. I had an alcoholic father who was prone to severe mind fucks... the kind where he'd apparently talk about killing himself and telling me how one day I could come live with him, etc. I don't remember any of it, but I know there were lots of problems.

One thing that I had nothing to do with occurred late one night when my dad was out on my grandparent's lawn screaming that he would kill us all and himself. My grandfather who was being eaten alive by cancer went out and beat his ass bloody, then dragged him down the block to his mom's place.

Thank God dad eventually quit drinking. The man I knew didn't even seem capable of that sort of thing.

fantom1979 · 04-06-2013, 12:29 AM

Don't know you well, but I have been following what you have shared with us. Good luck Seg.

SegRat · 04-06-2013, 09:47 AM

Thanks guys. I'm nervous. I DO NOT want to battle this outin court. I will walk out penniless, and her parents will cover everything for her. SoI am trying like hell to be very civil, even though I can't stand the cheating bitch.

The only thing I care about is 50% placement and 50% custody which she is agreeing to. We have no assets, just debts. So if I can walk out with 50% of my kids, as far as I'm concerned I am a winner.

SegRat · 04-06-2013, 09:47 AM

I do wish Wisconsin was not a no fault state.

DougW · 04-06-2013, 07:53 PM

I'm sorry and happy for you Seg.

You've definitely given it all you could, but it sucks that the "state" doesn't know much aside from "a kid needs their mama, and mama needs money to for the kids."

Hope things work out for you

cougarfreak · 04-07-2013, 09:25 AM

Sorry things didn't work out despite the work you put into it. Best of luck and your children going forward.

04-04-2013, 08:48 PM	#2
Eaglesfan27 Hall Of Famer Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: New Jersey	Good luck with everything. __________________ Retired GM of the eNFL 2007 Super Bowl Champion Philadelphia Eagles (19-0 record.) GM of the WOOF 2006 Doggie Bowl Champion Atlantic City Gamblers. GM of the IHOF 2019 and 2022 IHOF Bowl Champion Asheville Axemen.

04-04-2013, 08:57 PM	#4
MacroGuru Coordinator Join Date: May 2003 Location: Utah	Even at the age of 5 sit him down and tell him this is because of you and his mom, he has nothing to do with it. And as soon as you can, get a custody/visitation agreement as well as a support agreement taken care of. I don't know if you have to have a legal separation before you divorce in your state, but me being slow and stupid in regards to mine has been a major headache. The ex is using my kids against me as we are moving forward. __________________ "forgetting what is in the past, I strive for the future"

04-04-2013, 10:41 PM	#8
PilotMan Head Coach Join Date: Oct 2002 Location: Seven miles up	Hang in there man. I've been thinking about you a lot. Thanks for the update. __________________ He's just like if Snow White was competitive, horny, and capable of beating the shit out of anyone that called her Pops. Like Steam? Join the FOFC Steam group here: http://steamcommunity.com/groups/FOFConSteam

04-04-2013, 11:16 PM	#11
JonInMiddleGA Hall Of Famer Join Date: Nov 2000 Location: Behind Enemy Lines in Athens, GA	Best of luck with everything moving forward. And that's the direction you need to make sure you keep moving: forward. __________________ "I lit another cigarette. Unless I specifically inform you to the contrary, I am always lighting another cigarette." - from a novel by Martin Amis

04-04-2013, 11:59 PM	#12
kingfc22 Head Coach Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: Morgan Hill, CA	Best of luck and don't look back. __________________ Fan of SF Giants, 49ers, Sharks, Arsenal

04-04-2013, 08:49 PM	#3
DaddyTorgo Hall Of Famer Join Date: Oct 2002 Location: Massachusetts	Sorry to hear about this Seg...kudos to you for fighting for something you believed in - no matter how much advice we here gave you, you have to do what you have to do so you can sleep at night and live with yourself. Onward and upward hmm?

04-04-2013, 09:31 PM	#6
stevew Hall Of Famer Join Date: Dec 2003 Location: the yo'	Best wishes.

04-04-2013, 10:22 PM	#7
Kodos Resident Alien Join Date: Jun 2001	I hope you can get a lot of support from your family and friends as you go through this.

04-04-2013, 10:45 PM	#9
M GO BLUE!!! Pro Starter Join Date: Sep 2005	Congratulations Nate. Now you can begin. There will even be a time coming where you will be happy, and potentially meet someone whom you can share happiness with who will respect you. I am glad you see this as what it is, a new start.

04-04-2013, 10:56 PM	#10
law90026 College Benchwarmer Join Date: Jan 2006	Sorry to hear this but yes, please make sure you put in place all the legal protection you need so that you are not screwed over when everything is done.

04-05-2013, 12:10 AM	#13
spleen1015 Coordinator Join Date: Sep 2003	Good luck, man. __________________ Why choose failure when success is an option?

04-05-2013, 12:10 AM	#14
A-Husker-4-Life College Prospect Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: Nebraska	Good Luck and kick some ass in court. __________________ JJ Smitty Owner of the TheC.F.L. - Come by and check us out.

04-05-2013, 10:33 AM	#15
Edward64 Head Coach Join Date: Oct 2005	Best wishes to you, son and daughter. I would continuously reinforce to your son that it wasn't his fault at all.

04-05-2013, 10:56 AM	#16
BillJasper Pro Starter Join Date: Aug 2001 Location: Northern Kentucky	Good luck going forward. __________________ The Confederacy lost, it is time to dismantle it.

04-05-2013, 05:15 PM	#17
Chief Rum Hall Of Famer Join Date: Oct 2000 Location: Where Hip Hop lives	Best of luck to you, Seg. __________________ . . I would rather be wrong...Than live in the shadows of your song...My mind is open wide...And now I'm ready to start...You're not sure...You open the door...And step out into the dark...Now I'm ready.

04-05-2013, 05:18 PM	#18
ISiddiqui Hall Of Famer Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: Decatur, GA	Sorry to hear that it had to come to this. May things resolve quickly without much drama and may you be happier. __________________ "A prayer for the wild at heart, kept in cages" -Tennessee Williams

04-05-2013, 07:57 PM	#20
Solecismic Solecismic Software Join Date: Oct 2000 Location: Canton, OH	My son was 5 when we separated. Basically, we just tried as hard as we could to keep him out of it and let him know he was loved. Even today, years later, he has no idea what happened and that's probably a good thing. Because he was so young, he accepted it as part of life and had minimal adjustment problems. I think it's often harder with older kids because they want to know what happened and worry they were part of the split. Make sure you have the best lawyer you can find, and try to keep everything out of the courts because judges are unpredictable. That means more money for you and the kids down the road. A few hours with a good lawyer are far, far better than 100 hours with a vindictive, bad lawyer. The hard part is coming... my son did ask me about what happened quite frequently the first year or so. I told him he was too young to understand and that nothing was his fault. He asked when he'd be old enough. I said "12." He turned 10 a couple of weeks ago. I'd bet he remembers.

04-05-2013, 08:04 PM	#21
jeff061 Grizzled Veteran Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: MA	I was 5 when my folks split, I'd say my experiences are in line with Jim's advice. By the time I learned what the reasons were(both to blame) I really didn't care, I had shaped my own perception of who my parents were based on things that had nothing to do with the split. Without knowing your custody circumstances and going off my personal experiences, make an effort to stay heavily involved in your kids life and all will work out with him. __________________

04-05-2013, 10:24 PM	#22
M GO BLUE!!! Pro Starter Join Date: Sep 2005	I was 4 when my mom did the smartest thing she ever did and split. I was a mess, but not because of the split. I had an alcoholic father who was prone to severe mind fucks... the kind where he'd apparently talk about killing himself and telling me how one day I could come live with him, etc. I don't remember any of it, but I know there were lots of problems. One thing that I had nothing to do with occurred late one night when my dad was out on my grandparent's lawn screaming that he would kill us all and himself. My grandfather who was being eaten alive by cancer went out and beat his ass bloody, then dragged him down the block to his mom's place. Thank God dad eventually quit drinking. The man I knew didn't even seem capable of that sort of thing.

04-06-2013, 12:29 AM	#23
fantom1979 College Benchwarmer Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: Sterling Heights, Mi	Don't know you well, but I have been following what you have shared with us. Good luck Seg.

04-06-2013, 09:47 AM	#24
SegRat High School Varsity Join Date: Oct 2000 Location: Oshkosh, WI	Thanks guys. I'm nervous. I DO NOT want to battle this outin court. I will walk out penniless, and her parents will cover everything for her. SoI am trying like hell to be very civil, even though I can't stand the cheating bitch. The only thing I care about is 50% placement and 50% custody which she is agreeing to. We have no assets, just debts. So if I can walk out with 50% of my kids, as far as I'm concerned I am a winner. __________________ USFL: Charlotte Fightn' Squirrels

04-06-2013, 07:53 PM	#26
DougW High School Varsity Join Date: Dec 2003 Location: Downriver, MI	I'm sorry and happy for you Seg. You've definitely given it all you could, but it sucks that the "state" doesn't know much aside from "a kid needs their mama, and mama needs money to for the kids." Hope things work out for you

04-07-2013, 09:25 AM	#27
cougarfreak College Starter Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Out of Grad School Hell :)	Sorry things didn't work out despite the work you put into it. Best of luck and your children going forward. __________________ “I don’t like the Cubs,” Joey Votto said. “And I’m not going to pat anybody with a Cubs uniform on the back." Last edited by cougarfreak : 04-07-2013 at 09:25 AM.

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