More Bullying in Sports: Elementary Edition

[ColtCrazy]

So I get a call from the head of the elementary basketball program, who thankfully is also a good friend of mine, telling me there's an issue of bullying he's investigating at the school where my son goes. At the end of the elementary season, they select the top 8-10 players for a district AAU team. Apparently a parent of a kid who would be on the fringe of making the AAU team is upset that my son has transferred in and could take one of the AAU spots (since joining the school, my son has lead the team in scoring and the team has improved from 0 wins last year to 4-2 this year....lord knows he didn't inherit my athletic ability!!!). The parent, allegedly, has been telling his son to try to get my son and another player in trouble so they'll be kicked off the team so he can take their AAU spot. This kid has been picking on these two at recess and trying to start fights with him. Thankfully, my son has been taking the high road and just walking away at recess or focusing on practice. Still, how ridiculous is this that this behavior is going on at the 4th grade level?

Just needed to vent about this although I now understand why my son wants to transfer back to my school in the country next year.

[Logan]

Sounds like a parent that should be in jail.

[Dr. Sak]

I could sit down for hours to tell you stories about parents' actions during basketball/football games. I've had to have parents removed because they were taunting the opposing players by calling them names (in a 5th/6th grade game).

[Marc Vaughan]

The intensity of kids sports over here bemuses the heck out of me ... in the main kids sports in the UK are ... well of interest to the kids, I can't even remember more than a couple of parents even attending our high school soccer matches (normally the only people watching were people walking past with their dogs).

Frankly - I prefer the English setup, its less pressure for the kids and far more fun ...

[ColtCrazy]

Yeah, I'm watching this closely and emailing the principal. I'm surprised she hasn't said anything. I just want her to be aware that I know what's going on. The bullying is definitely happening, but if it's proved the parent had something to do with it then I have a sticky situation. Do I go after the parent legally, knowing I'm a teacher within the district (idiot parent backlash)?

Anyway, I've enjoyed this season more than last when I was my son's coach. I probably sat him out more than others just to avoid the "you play your son too much" card. Of course, not sure why I bothered when another coach in our league has his son jacking up 3s in the 4th when his team is up 32-8. My principal was the host admin for one set of games and had to break up two parents wanting to fight. In another game, a coach accused the refs of playing favorites because the other coach is the sister of a school board member. It's crazy....and it's elementary basketball!

My proudest moment hasn't been any of my son's play. His team was up 20 and all the subs were in, but they were having trouble even getting the ball to midcourt. The coach told my son to go back in but before he could say anything else my son said he would go in and just pass the ball. He didn't want to shoot anymore. The coach told me that after that game. Pretty cool.

[MacroGuru]

Originally Posted by ColtCrazy

My proudest moment hasn't been any of my son's play. His team was up 20 and all the subs were in, but they were having trouble even getting the ball to midcourt. The coach told my son to go back in but before he could say anything else my son said he would go in and just pass the ball. He didn't want to shoot anymore. The coach told me that after that game. Pretty cool.

To me...that is just good parenting.

[BYU 14]

The insanity of this gets worse every year in youth sports. It sucks to have to punish a kid for following his deranged Dad's instructions, but what he is doing is setting his kid up to be kicked off the team.

Great parenting by a father who orders his son to do this, cause god knows effort and earning things is just so overrated in some peoples minds.

Props to you and your son for handling this so well, even at a young age you boy gets it. A classy young man and a testament to you.

[ColtCrazy]

Originally Posted by BYU 14

The insanity of this gets worse every year in youth sports. It sucks to have to punish a kid for following his deranged Dad's instructions, but what he is doing is setting his kid up to be kicked off the team.

Great parenting by a father who orders his son to do this, cause god knows effort and earning things is just so overrated in some peoples minds.

Props to you and your son for handling this so well, even at a young age you boy gets it. A classy young man and a testament to you.

Thanks. I appreciate that. I like your point in the first paragraph. There's a coach that sadly I've had run-ins with when I coached last year and he's the one that complained about the refs in my earlier post. He has a move where he throws his arms up after any and all fouls, turnovers, or perceived fouls against his team. I noticed that his son now mimics this action whenever he misses or shot or doesn't get a call this way...the boy just throws his hands up and looks at dad. Just said that the son is being programmed that way.
And this guy is the AAU coach.

I understand this is Indiana and basketball still has amazingly strong influences in small towns, but I can count the number of college scholarships from our town on one hand....you'd think we were a town of Larry Birds by the way some of them act.

[JonInMiddleGA]

Standard craziness, best I can tell.

TOTALLY an aside here, because limiting the impact of this on your son is THE thing that matters, but just for conversation's sake

That officiating thing/relationships is one bit that I'd probably take issue with myself. The coach in question may very well be an utter asshole, but on that one point (if I understand things right) I think he's probably within bounds. I grew up with more biased officials than unbiased ones, so that's a sensitive issue for me.

[ColtCrazy]

Originally Posted by JonInMiddleGA

Standard craziness, best I can tell.

TOTALLY an aside here, because limiting the impact of this on your son is THE thing that matters, but just for conversation's sake

That officiating thing/relationships is one bit that I'd probably take issue with myself. The coach in question may very well be an utter asshole, but on that one point (if I understand things right) I think he's probably within bounds. I grew up with more biased officials than unbiased ones, so that's a sensitive issue for me.

I definitely see your point and I know there are refs that probably have their own agendas going into a game, even if it's a game of 9 year olds! In that particular game, he might have been reaching. The game was ugly, it turned into a battle of which coach's son could throw up more shots and his son was having an off day (I will give the guy credit, his son is a pretty good little player). One of the refs was a former student and while I can't ever say for sure, I can't imagine he'd have a dog in that fight or care that the other coach was the sister of a school board member. But, you are right, when you get refs at this level you get errors....he may have had a beef, but his quote was along the lines of "why should I try, I don't have a brother on the school board".

[Blackadar]

Originally Posted by ColtCrazy

The bullying is definitely happening, but if it's proved the parent had something to do with it then I have a sticky situation. Do I go after the parent legally, knowing I'm a teacher within the district (idiot parent backlash)?

It's not a sticky situation at all. The answer is yes. If the parent has been instructing their kid to fight yours, you most certainly do go after them legally - both in civil and criminal court. By doing so, you'll be ensuring that they don't do it to someone else (as they inevitably would)

[JonInMiddleGA]

Originally Posted by ColtCrazy

he may have had a beef, but his quote was along the lines of "why should I try, I don't have a brother on the school board".

Lemme see, my favorite situation was probably where the top pitcher throughout my youth baseball days happened to have an uncle that was the head of the local umpires association. Trust me, he didn't need any help, we couldn't hit what we couldn't see very well in the first place ... but he got a lot of it. And yes, his uncle worked behind the plate for roughly half his games.

[ColtCrazy]

Originally Posted by JonInMiddleGA

Lemme see, my favorite situation was probably where the top pitcher throughout my youth baseball days happened to have an uncle that was the head of the local umpires association. Trust me, he didn't need any help, we couldn't hit what we couldn't see very well in the first place ... but he got a lot of it. And yes, his uncle worked behind the plate for roughly half his games.

Wow. That is wild. Something like that happened years ago when the director put one ref in the wrong gym and the ref ended up in a game with his daughter playing. Not surprisingly, she had more free throws in that game than the other team had collectively. Needless to say neither the ref nor that particular director are still active in the leagues here.

[tarcone]

I reffed my daughters basketball game once. I think she had more fouls then normal. But I expect more out of my kids then most.

[Toddzilla]

Originally Posted by ColtCrazy

My hommage to football/basketball board games.

[sterlingice]

Originally Posted by Toddzilla

Yeah, shouldn't homage have 1 m

SI

[ColtCrazy]

Originally Posted by sterlingice

Yeah, shouldn't homage have 1 m

SI

Yep, it does…which you'd think I'd know since I just bought a shirt from homage.com earlier today. Practice what I preach….I'm bad about proofreading.

[ColtCrazy]

DOLA - thanks all. Felt better after venting. Hopefully this all goes away soon.

[PilotMan]

Originally Posted by Blackadar

It's not a sticky situation at all. The answer is yes. If the parent has been instructing their kid to fight yours, you most certainly do go after them legally - both in civil and criminal court. By doing so, you'll be ensuring that they don't do it to someone else (as they inevitably would)

I'm with Blackadar on this one. Either the school aggressively handles it to your satisfaction or you go the legal route without remorse. Too much is at risk when the safety of your kids is on the line.

[Desnudo]

Originally Posted by ColtCrazy

So I get a call from the head of the elementary basketball program, who thankfully is also a good friend of mine, telling me there's an issue of bullying he's investigating at the school where my son goes. At the end of the elementary season, they select the top 8-10 players for a district AAU team. Apparently a parent of a kid who would be on the fringe of making the AAU team is upset that my son has transferred in and could take one of the AAU spots (since joining the school, my son has lead the team in scoring and the team has improved from 0 wins last year to 4-2 this year....lord knows he didn't inherit my athletic ability!!!). The parent, allegedly, has been telling his son to try to get my son and another player in trouble so they'll be kicked off the team so he can take their AAU spot. This kid has been picking on these two at recess and trying to start fights with him. Thankfully, my son has been taking the high road and just walking away at recess or focusing on practice. Still, how ridiculous is this that this behavior is going on at the 4th grade level?

Just needed to vent about this although I now understand why my son wants to transfer back to my school in the country next year.

This is what Llama Llama does when Bully Goat bothers him so your son is doing the right thing.

[DanGarion]

Yes bullying exists at all level of sports. I was constantly picked on when I played baseball in high school, by a number of my teammates, to the point of being hit in the head with a baseball bat and also hit on my ear as I was leaving the locker room (it was bad enough that it was ringing for the next hour).

It was bad enough my junior year that I quit because one of the players that would bully me was the new varsity coach's nephew, and the rumor was that he had already wrote me off of being on the team any longer and was going to offer me an "equipment manager" position.

Other than my best friend (who played ball with me) this is the first time I've ever really talked about it.