Life advice - Wedding drama - Page 2

Subby · 07-23-2015, 10:24 AM

Sucks, but you have to go to your brother's wedding. Blood is thicker than the mud said Sly.

molson · 07-23-2015, 10:32 AM

I don't think a three-month engagement is the kind of situation where marriage attendance is "mandatory." There's nothing wrong with a short engagement, but you're basically saying, "if you can make it, great." People have their travel and vacations and other wedding commitments setup by then.

I understand too that some people see it completely differently if its family, but all families aren't the same. I like my brother, but I barely know him, I'd never cancel attendance as a close friend's wedding or a vacation plan to go to his wedding, and he wouldn't expect me to.

grdawg · 07-23-2015, 11:08 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rowech

Is it possible that somebody could somehow just skype the ceremony so you can at least "be there" if the weddings aren't at the same time?

Yes, I was thinking of this the other day. They are at different times.

Chief Rum · 07-23-2015, 11:14 AM

I'll admit I don't really understand not splitting for the weddings on this one (you go to your bro's, your wife goes to her friend's), but I respect you have your reasons there.

grdawg · 07-23-2015, 02:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chief Rum

I'll admit I don't really understand not splitting for the weddings on this one (you go to your bro's, your wife goes to her friend's), but I respect you have your reasons there.

I know that seems the most logical, but we really don't want to split up and her friends wedding is a 3 hour plane ride, then 2+ hour car ride and my brothers would most likely involve driving 18 hours round trip with 2 young kids. Both aren't really optimal for doing them alone.

Also, her friend's wedding is like a whole weekend of events (rehearsal dinner, wedding, day after breakfast) whereas my brothers is just one day. Not to digress, but had he just done it Saturday instead of Sunday, we could have made it work and gone to both.

If they were close by it would be much easier to pull that off.

SteveMax58 · 07-23-2015, 02:21 PM

I missed this one the first time through but just my 2 cents as I didnt see anybody hit this point fwiw (not much)...

It seems like you already told your brother he is your 2nd choice by telling him "this day won't work". Now, you might not be very close to your brother & it seems like there is some annoyances with him from past events, but I'm not sure how you could expect him to receive that statement any better than (it seems) he has. So....he went off and scheduled what worked for him & his new wife and said "I won't make concessions for somebody who already has me as his #2 choice".

I'm not very close with my brothers or sisters either, but I have no reason which would prevent me from making it to their wedding (even if its a 2nd marriage for my sibling). And if it lands on the same day as my wife's close friend for 20 years...whether I knew first or last...I'd have to split up no matter the hassle or my own preference as it is my brother and I will be there on his big day.

Not saying you're wrong for doing what you're doing. Just giving my opinion and rationale for it.

grdawg · 07-23-2015, 02:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SteveMax58

I missed this one the first time through but just my 2 cents as I didnt see anybody hit this point fwiw (not much)...

It seems like you already told your brother he is your 2nd choice by telling him "this day won't work". Now, you might not be very close to your brother & it seems like there is some annoyances with him from past events, but I'm not sure how you could expect him to receive that statement any better than (it seems) he has. So....he went off and scheduled what worked for him & his new wife and said "I won't make concessions for somebody who already has me as his #2 choice".

I'm not very close with my brothers or sisters either, but I have no reason which would prevent me from making it to their wedding (even if its a 2nd marriage for my sibling). And if it lands on the same day as my wife's close friend for 20 years...whether I knew first or last...I'd have to split up no matter the hassle or my own preference as it is my brother and I will be there on his big day.

Not saying you're wrong for doing what you're doing. Just giving my opinion and rationale for it.

I wouldn't say we said you are our 2nd choice. We basically gave them a heads up that we already had a wedding scheduled for that day and it would be a very tough situation for us and if they did it any other day we'd make it work because we really want to be there.

If you were planning your wedding and a sibling asked you to avoid 1 DAY because of a prior commitment, would you still go ahead and schedule it that day if you really wanted them there?

JonInMiddleGA · 07-23-2015, 03:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by grdawg

If you were planning your wedding and a sibling asked you to avoid 1 DAY because of a prior commitment, would you still go ahead and schedule it that day if you really wanted them there?

Yeah, 'cause I really can't compute the hypothetical all that well in the first place. I got married a couple thousand miles from anyone I knew ... on purpose, with planning aforethought.

I know we aren't on the same wavelength all that often but I swear I'm giving you good advice here: do not get sucked into rehashing this in your head. It is, for all intents and purposes, a done deal. Let it go ... and don't fall victim to anyone/anything trying to drag you back into it.

molson · 07-23-2015, 03:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JonInMiddleGA

I know we aren't on the same wavelength all that often but I swear I'm giving you good advice here: do not get sucked into rehashing this in your head. It is, for all intents and purposes, a done deal. Let it go ... and don't fall victim to anyone/anything trying to drag you back into it.

This is great advice. Wedding and family drama have a way of exponentially multiplying and spreading like a bad plague. No need to feed it at this point. You know your brother and wife and the situation better than anyone else here, and you made a decision.

grdawg · 07-23-2015, 04:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by molson

This is great advice. Wedding and family drama have a way of exponentially multiplying and spreading like a bad plague. No need to feed it at this point. You know your brother and wife and the situation better than anyone else here, and you made a decision.

I agree. The decision was made. I don't want to be dragged back into the drama.

stevew · 07-23-2015, 04:21 PM

the appropriate response is always, we already gave someone an STD and can't come.

Butter · 07-24-2015, 06:26 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JonInMiddleGA

It is, for all intents and purposes, a done deal.

Hey, you misspelled "intensive" there.

YOU'RE WELCOME.

rowech · 07-24-2015, 06:56 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Butter_of_69

Hey, you misspelled "intensive" there.

YOU'RE WELCOME.

Can't tell if you're serious or not but his phrasing is correct.

Chief Rum · 07-24-2015, 10:38 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rowech

Can't tell if you're serious or not but his phrasing is correct.

I'm pretty sure Butter wasn't being serious.

SteveMax58 · 07-24-2015, 01:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by grdawg

If you were planning your wedding and a sibling asked you to avoid 1 DAY because of a prior commitment, would you still go ahead and schedule it that day if you really wanted them there?

It isn't my intention to make you rehash your decision at all, but was just offering my 2 cents in case it is helpful in understanding how some other person might interpret being told that this one day doesn't work. And perhaps why his behavior since might be the way it is (if he were to see things that way as people don't always come out & say they are emotionally hurt by something...especially men).

But to answer your question...I think your question already supposes the priority you give to my wedding/relationship. Maybe I'm just reading it differently or something.

I see one's wedding day as their day, not their day at my convenience. And the level of inconvenience I would go through certainly has limits as well. Obviously I don't know the details around your relationship and your brother/his wife's work situation/vacation times/availability of the reception hall stuff, etc. So yes, there are consequences to it as well. Like deciding to get married half way around the world on Christmas day and finding that nobody shows up.

My only point is that I think telling your brother that this one day doesn't work for you already begs the question of priority (whether he stated that or not). And that your brother could be interpreting that just as I read that and hence his behavior to you sounds like some hurt feelings or something.

In the end, I think you & your wife should do what you feel is best and most appropriate based your own moral codes, ethics, and emotional connection to the parties here. I was just offering up something that I noticed and nobody had really commented on it.

bulletsponge · 07-24-2015, 02:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dodgerchick

It depends. Who's hotter your brother's fiance, or your wife's friend?

Sorry, had to be asked.

no, who has the hotter bridemaids. if your brothers fiance then suggest to your wife you spit up and she goes to her friends while you go to your brothers

NobodyHere · 07-24-2015, 02:30 PM

All you need is a double to go to your brother's wedding. What could go wrong?

Chief Rum · 07-24-2015, 02:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by grdawg

I know that seems the most logical, but we really don't want to split up and her friends wedding is a 3 hour plane ride, then 2+ hour car ride and my brothers would most likely involve driving 18 hours round trip with 2 young kids. Both aren't really optimal for doing them alone.

Also, her friend's wedding is like a whole weekend of events (rehearsal dinner, wedding, day after breakfast) whereas my brothers is just one day. Not to digress, but had he just done it Saturday instead of Sunday, we could have made it work and gone to both.

If they were close by it would be much easier to pull that off.

I'm kinda with SteveMax on this one. I just don't see missing a brother's wedding as an option. If I were you, I would have found someone who could watch the kids for the weekend, and then split up, with you going to your bro's wedding.

But that's only what I would do in that situation. I understand why you went the way you did.

07-23-2015, 10:32 AM	#52
molson General Manager Join Date: Oct 2002 Location: The Mountains	I don't think a three-month engagement is the kind of situation where marriage attendance is "mandatory." There's nothing wrong with a short engagement, but you're basically saying, "if you can make it, great." People have their travel and vacations and other wedding commitments setup by then. I understand too that some people see it completely differently if its family, but all families aren't the same. I like my brother, but I barely know him, I'd never cancel attendance as a close friend's wedding or a vacation plan to go to his wedding, and he wouldn't expect me to. Last edited by molson : 07-23-2015 at 10:34 AM.

07-23-2015, 11:14 AM	#54
Chief Rum Hall Of Famer Join Date: Oct 2000 Location: Where Hip Hop lives	I'll admit I don't really understand not splitting for the weddings on this one (you go to your bro's, your wife goes to her friend's), but I respect you have your reasons there. __________________ . . I would rather be wrong...Than live in the shadows of your song...My mind is open wide...And now I'm ready to start...You're not sure...You open the door...And step out into the dark...Now I'm ready. Last edited by Chief Rum : 07-23-2015 at 11:15 AM.

07-23-2015, 02:21 PM	#56
SteveMax58 College Starter Join Date: Dec 2006	I missed this one the first time through but just my 2 cents as I didnt see anybody hit this point fwiw (not much)... It seems like you already told your brother he is your 2nd choice by telling him "this day won't work". Now, you might not be very close to your brother & it seems like there is some annoyances with him from past events, but I'm not sure how you could expect him to receive that statement any better than (it seems) he has. So....he went off and scheduled what worked for him & his new wife and said "I won't make concessions for somebody who already has me as his #2 choice". I'm not very close with my brothers or sisters either, but I have no reason which would prevent me from making it to their wedding (even if its a 2nd marriage for my sibling). And if it lands on the same day as my wife's close friend for 20 years...whether I knew first or last...I'd have to split up no matter the hassle or my own preference as it is my brother and I will be there on his big day. Not saying you're wrong for doing what you're doing. Just giving my opinion and rationale for it. Last edited by SteveMax58 : 07-23-2015 at 02:22 PM.

07-24-2015, 02:30 PM	#67
NobodyHere Grizzled Veteran Join Date: Nov 2013	All you need is a double to go to your brother's wedding. What could go wrong? __________________ "I am God's prophet, and I need an attorney"

07-23-2015, 04:21 PM	#61
stevew Hall Of Famer Join Date: Dec 2003 Location: the yo'	the appropriate response is always, we already gave someone an STD and can't come.

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