Self Improvement

[Chief Rum]

Hey everyone,

I have been on a massive turn on trying to improve myself for a bit now. From making changes to my lifestyle and to how I handle myself and to what I want to get out of life.

I'm talking everything from life goals and being productive in my off time to improving on everything that I do, being more efficient and focused.

I was wondering if anyone here is also doing this sort of thing. I mean, we're all focused on being our best selves of course, but I mean really focused on it day to day, and trying to tackle my fears and anxieties head on.

Some examples of things I am doing is working on my weight (down around 15 pounds since late March and now adding in weight workouts), improving my running goals (as seen in the running thread), handling myself more coolly in stressful situations (especially at work), daily meditation, not biting my nails (mission accomplished--proud of that one), getting better with women, etc.

Anyway, finding people who are similarly directed that I feel some trust for is hard. When I go to self-improvement forums, I don't really know these people and there's a lot of info out there about what works and what doesn't.

So I thought I would reach out here and see what feedback I get, what others here might be doing along the same lines.

FTR, I am a big fan of Mark Manson and Sean Russell for this stuff, and I follow several podcasts and websites on a number of related topics. I would recommend anyone to look into either of those two (although I think Manson is moving toward writing books instead of running self-improvement web sites).

[Alan T]

Chief,

A few years ago, I decided to do something similar. Many on here are familiar with my running that I started at the time, and others likely read about my weight loss (roughly 90 pounds), but I haven't really talked much about my other self improvements that I started at the time.

Often for people they need some kind of trigger to kick their butt and help them realize what a great gift they are squandering. My wife helped me realize that I really wanted more from my life and I started looking at many different ways to improve it.

Besides the fitness aspect of things, I also have dedicated myself to working through my anxiety issues that I have been plagued with my entire life. Instead of just sucking it up, I actively look forward to talking through things with a therapist and trying to work on strategies for dealing with stress or anxiety causes as they come up.

One of the largest things I have started working on is trying to be better organized and not put things off. This includes work projects, home projects,paying bills, etc. I have made an effort to try to put more structure in the way I handle things and as you mentioned it, be more efficient with my time in these manners.

One of the focus points for me has been trying to be a better father and husband. I felt for much of my life, I did things because I felt it is what you should do or had to do as a dad. Instead I have been working on trying to enjoy the now and present. To enjoy the time with the family and focus less on the chore or responsibility of the moment and focus more n the enjoyment aspect.

The other really huge change I have been working on is some of my addictive qualities. I don't smoke or drink or do drugs, but I did have a real bad addiction, one that impacted my life for the worse and that was my constant desire to play too many video games. It might not necessarily resonate with many here since this is a video game forum, but reducing the amount of video games has been perhaps one of the best impacts that I have made so far. I still do play games, but now focus them more on games to play with the kids and not games to play to get away from the kids or responsibilities or whatever.

Anyways, none of these things are perfect for me and are in a constant state of desire for more improvement, but it has definitely been one of the biggest things I have worked on since 2013.

[Honolulu_Blue]

Chief,

I don't have much in the way of advice or suggestions on this stuff. But I do want to say that I think it's awesome you're putting forth the effort and work. It's not easy.

I used to try to meditate for 10 minutes a night. So. Fucking. Hard.

I support you, brother!

Good luck and keep up posted on your progress!

[Vince, Pt. II]

Alan nailed it regarding the trigger. I had a very rough start in 2014 - lost two different friends (in their early 30's) and my grandmother all before February 1st. In late February, I realized that I couldn't remember the last day I hadn't had something alcoholic to drink - and I honestly couldn't remember the last time I had had less than 4 drinks or so. I wasn't getting rip roaring drunk or anything, but I was clearly drinking far too much. Around the same time I stepped on a scale and realized I was 220 lbs. And at just shy of 5'10", I thought that was way too much. I took a month long break from drinking completely and started to read up on fitness. I used nerdfitness.com and read a pair of books about the Paleo diet (I have several friends who are fit and swear by it - I can't find the books now, but I'm looking for them). In the end, I decided that I didn't want to completely eliminate anything from my lifestyle (so no strict paleo), and I didn't want to do anything that required a bunch of work to determine whether or not I could eat something - so calorie counting/meal logging was not going to work for me. I figured it was going to be hard enough to muster the effort to eat properly, and that I didn't want a bunch of extra work to figure out what I could and couldn't eat. I basically lived by these tenets when it came to diet:

-Never eat unless I was truly hungry.
-Limit non-fish meat intake (the meat --> heart disease correlation is huge and nearly impossible to ignore).
-Limit grains and starches.
-Severely curtail sweets (this was very difficult for me).
-Eat lots of vegetables.
-Don't drink your calories - water is your best friend (can help with satiation too!).
-PORTION CONTROL. Any time I ate out, I'd order a to go box to come with the food, and I would instantly put half of it away to save for later.

Lastly, I bought a scale. I'm a stats nerd (says the guy on a text sim message board), so I like tracking things. I weighed myself when I woke up, when I got off work and when I went to bed every day. Each measurement was put into the spreadsheet, and I worked it up to give me stats - weight change per day, per week, per month, etc.

I started tracking in March, and by September I had gone from 220 pounds to 170 pounds. It was staggering how much weight I was able to lose simply by eating less and trying to eat more of the good stuff. What was great was that I could still eat a cheeseburger if I wanted to - and I'd even occasionally get the milkshake. But I knew that I'd have to step on the scale later that night, and it made for a nice bit of self-regulation.

Unfortunately, the holidays came around, I got a girlfriend, and by December I was back up to nearly 200 pounds. I've been working at it since, and it's slow going (not really sure how I was able to shave off all that weight so quickly the first time). I'm in the mid-180's regularly now, and I expect in another few months I'll be back to the 170's. But I know I can do it, and it's nice to know that I've been there before.

Edit to add: I don't work out. Ever. I'm a golfer, and I walk the course now when I play - but I still only golf once a week at best. I've tried to start walking to local stores/restaurants instead of driving to them, but I'm in the middle of suburbia, and it's quite the hike if I want to get any sort of variety.

[Radii]

Originally Posted by Chief Rum

Some examples of things I am doing is working on my weight (down around 15 pounds since late March and now adding in weight workouts), improving my running goals (as seen in the running thread), handling myself more coolly in stressful situations (especially at work), daily meditation, not biting my nails (mission accomplished--proud of that one), getting better with women, etc.

Yup! When I moved back home... 7 years (holy shit its been that long) ago I had a lot of reasons. Helping to take care of my dying dad was at the top of the list, but I had lots of selfish reasons to, unhappy with my job at the time, no idea what I wanted to do after my divorce, the realization that I'd ignored health problems and morbid obesity for WAY too long.

When I first moved home I didn't do anything, for a long time really. I finally got my shit together and worked on the weight, and having some success there spurred on other desires for improvement.

I've lost 110 pounds from my highest weight and have sustained it. I still have some more to go, workin on it. I joined a gym, I need to improve my activity levels but I've taken huge steps out of the "1000% sedentary" category and gotten moving. I dedictated months to multiple types of physical therapy b/c I kept running into problems that were starting to crop up b/c of my weight, and with the attempts at more activity since it'd been so long without activity. I took a Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction course and learned a lot from that, the biggest thing to come out of that is something you mentioned, which is the desire for a daily meditation practice. I've been seeing a psychologist since before my dad died and that has helped keep me level and focused and figure out some things when I've not been able to pinpoint exactly what I want.

Somewhere along the line my interest in women picked up for the first time since I got divorced. That's pushing along the next line of improvement. Been at home too long, time to be back out on my own, so I'm working towards that. I guess online dating is next.

Anyway, finding people who are similarly directed that I feel some trust for is hard. When I go to self-improvement forums, I don't really know these people and there's a lot of info out there about what works and what doesn't.

I don't have much help for you there. I find stuff on reddit relevant to what i'm working on and subscribe, though i doubt i'll do that for online dating, but its helped me for keto and fitness, I like the smaller subs "AskMenOver30" and "FitnessOver30". I actually feel I've learned some things from the AskMen sub, even though its repetitive and skews way younger - at least from where my starting point was, someone who was pretty bitter and had a pretty negative view towards women and relationships after my divorce (or at least, about my decisionmaking history regarding women).


Anyway, congrats on all your work so far If you ever want to talk about shit I'm usually awake on facebook!

[britrock88]

Any pointers on the fingernails?

[Chief Rum]

Originally Posted by Alan T

Chief,

A few years ago, I decided to do something similar. Many on here are familiar with my running that I started at the time, and others likely read about my weight loss (roughly 90 pounds), but I haven't really talked much about my other self improvements that I started at the time.

Often for people they need some kind of trigger to kick their butt and help them realize what a great gift they are squandering. My wife helped me realize that I really wanted more from my life and I started looking at many different ways to improve it.

Besides the fitness aspect of things, I also have dedicated myself to working through my anxiety issues that I have been plagued with my entire life. Instead of just sucking it up, I actively look forward to talking through things with a therapist and trying to work on strategies for dealing with stress or anxiety causes as they come up.

One of the largest things I have started working on is trying to be better organized and not put things off. This includes work projects, home projects,paying bills, etc. I have made an effort to try to put more structure in the way I handle things and as you mentioned it, be more efficient with my time in these manners.

One of the focus points for me has been trying to be a better father and husband. I felt for much of my life, I did things because I felt it is what you should do or had to do as a dad. Instead I have been working on trying to enjoy the now and present. To enjoy the time with the family and focus less on the chore or responsibility of the moment and focus more n the enjoyment aspect.

The other really huge change I have been working on is some of my addictive qualities. I don't smoke or drink or do drugs, but I did have a real bad addiction, one that impacted my life for the worse and that was my constant desire to play too many video games. It might not necessarily resonate with many here since this is a video game forum, but reducing the amount of video games has been perhaps one of the best impacts that I have made so far. I still do play games, but now focus them more on games to play with the kids and not games to play to get away from the kids or responsibilities or whatever.

Anyways, none of these things are perfect for me and are in a constant state of desire for more improvement, but it has definitely been one of the biggest things I have worked on since 2013.

I am reading Way of the Superior Man right now by David Deida. It's a terrific read about being a man in today's world and society. What you say about your role as a father and husband sounds a lot like the true purpose Deida talks about here. It's good that you have found your purpose, Alan.

The fear/anxiety thing for me is big. I have done some work on my fear of heights and spiders, with a promise to tackle deep water soon. But the big one is approaching women and fear of rejection. A whole side element of my self-improvement is dedicated to helping improve this. I'm not too caring about having anyone, woman or otherwise, in my life, but I hate that I struggle with something so basic.

I know all of our fears have childhood experiences at their roots. It's just learning to work my way through them when I encounter them. Fear is nothing more than an emotion.

I have more or less given up on video games. Same reasons as you. They take too much time and are too addicting. I have also slowed down my fictional reading to read up more on self-improvement books, although I expect to return to reading fiction (I believe in the long run my life purpose will be to write, and one must read constantly to write effectively--plus I love to read).

Your steps forward are amazing Alan. Keep it up. I look forward to hearing more of your progress.

[Chief Rum]

Originally Posted by Honolulu_Blue

Chief,

I don't have much in the way of advice or suggestions on this stuff. But I do want to say that I think it's awesome you're putting forth the effort and work. It's not easy.

I used to try to meditate for 10 minutes a night. So. Fucking. Hard.

I support you, brother!

Good luck and keep up posted on your progress!

HB, meditation is hard. I am still learning. Getting my mind to calm down and focus on my breathing feels just impossible at times. But from what I understand, this pretty much happens to everyone. The key is to keep going and to do longer sessions. 10 minutes may not be enough except as a short fix. 20 minutes min from what I read. I am moving to 30 minutes every morning when I get up.

Thanks for the well wishes, and I definitely will. You continue to be one of the most impressive individuals I know online.

In fact, everyone who has posted in this thread to this point are among my most well respected friends here on FOFC. You all have accomplished so much.

[Chief Rum]

BTW, HB, one of the guys I listen to, Sean Russell at Menprovement, said in a recent podcast that it took him a month to even start to get to a gamma level with his meditation, and he's pretty dedicated. It's no easy fix, but I believe in its mind healing and control powers, and I already feel like I benefit a lot from it, even though I have barely scratched the surface with proper meditation technique.

I recommend you give it another shot and see where it takes you.

[Chief Rum]

Originally Posted by Vince, Pt. II

Alan nailed it regarding the trigger. I had a very rough start in 2014 - lost two different friends (in their early 30's) and my grandmother all before February 1st. In late February, I realized that I couldn't remember the last day I hadn't had something alcoholic to drink - and I honestly couldn't remember the last time I had had less than 4 drinks or so. I wasn't getting rip roaring drunk or anything, but I was clearly drinking far too much. Around the same time I stepped on a scale and realized I was 220 lbs. And at just shy of 5'10", I thought that was way too much. I took a month long break from drinking completely and started to read up on fitness. I used nerdfitness.com and read a pair of books about the Paleo diet (I have several friends who are fit and swear by it - I can't find the books now, but I'm looking for them). In the end, I decided that I didn't want to completely eliminate anything from my lifestyle (so no strict paleo), and I didn't want to do anything that required a bunch of work to determine whether or not I could eat something - so calorie counting/meal logging was not going to work for me. I figured it was going to be hard enough to muster the effort to eat properly, and that I didn't want a bunch of extra work to figure out what I could and couldn't eat. I basically lived by these tenets when it came to diet:

-Never eat unless I was truly hungry.
-Limit non-fish meat intake (the meat --> heart disease correlation is huge and nearly impossible to ignore).
-Limit grains and starches.
-Severely curtail sweets (this was very difficult for me).
-Eat lots of vegetables.
-Don't drink your calories - water is your best friend (can help with satiation too!).
-PORTION CONTROL. Any time I ate out, I'd order a to go box to come with the food, and I would instantly put half of it away to save for later.

Lastly, I bought a scale. I'm a stats nerd (says the guy on a text sim message board), so I like tracking things. I weighed myself when I woke up, when I got off work and when I went to bed every day. Each measurement was put into the spreadsheet, and I worked it up to give me stats - weight change per day, per week, per month, etc.

I started tracking in March, and by September I had gone from 220 pounds to 170 pounds. It was staggering how much weight I was able to lose simply by eating less and trying to eat more of the good stuff. What was great was that I could still eat a cheeseburger if I wanted to - and I'd even occasionally get the milkshake. But I knew that I'd have to step on the scale later that night, and it made for a nice bit of self-regulation.

Unfortunately, the holidays came around, I got a girlfriend, and by December I was back up to nearly 200 pounds. I've been working at it since, and it's slow going (not really sure how I was able to shave off all that weight so quickly the first time). I'm in the mid-180's regularly now, and I expect in another few months I'll be back to the 170's. But I know I can do it, and it's nice to know that I've been there before.

Edit to add: I don't work out. Ever. I'm a golfer, and I walk the course now when I play - but I still only golf once a week at best. I've tried to start walking to local stores/restaurants instead of driving to them, but I'm in the middle of suburbia, and it's quite the hike if I want to get any sort of variety.

Damn, that is tough, Vince. But it sounds like you really made some great decisions in the aftermath. Most people don't pull out, or at least not for a long time, and even fewer actually then progress even further to working on themselves as you have.

I am very impressed with your diet plan, and I will have to consider incorporating it into my own efforts. This is my big bugaboo. I am terrible with food. I work out to compensate. I calorie count and exercise some portion control, and I have made vast improvements with both the quality and quantity of my snacks during my office job. And I drink a lot more water than I used to. But it's still very difficult. I have terrible dinners, and I love sweets. I also love soda, albeit the diet kind (not bad for calories, horrible for everything else).

It is funny to see that you don't work out, though. Think what gains you could make if you worked out AND did this amazing diet plan. I feel like we were on the opposites. You are great with your nutrition, but you don't workout. I work out like a mad man and I eat terrible. It feels like we could both use finding some middle ground.

I'm not ready to tackle my diet, I think, not fully, but I will be soon. As with approaching women, it is on my shortlist of MAJOR changes to make.

BTW, with respect to working out, the literature is pretty solid out there about the benefits of doing so, even a little bit. The long term health benefits are tremendous. That is an area I really think you could make a difference for yourself if you chose to move in that direction.

[Chief Rum]

Originally Posted by Radii

Yup! When I moved back home... 7 years (holy shit its been that long) ago I had a lot of reasons. Helping to take care of my dying dad was at the top of the list, but I had lots of selfish reasons to, unhappy with my job at the time, no idea what I wanted to do after my divorce, the realization that I'd ignored health problems and morbid obesity for WAY too long.

When I first moved home I didn't do anything, for a long time really. I finally got my shit together and worked on the weight, and having some success there spurred on other desires for improvement.

I've lost 110 pounds from my highest weight and have sustained it. I still have some more to go, workin on it. I joined a gym, I need to improve my activity levels but I've taken huge steps out of the "1000% sedentary" category and gotten moving. I dedictated months to multiple types of physical therapy b/c I kept running into problems that were starting to crop up b/c of my weight, and with the attempts at more activity since it'd been so long without activity. I took a Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction course and learned a lot from that, the biggest thing to come out of that is something you mentioned, which is the desire for a daily meditation practice. I've been seeing a psychologist since before my dad died and that has helped keep me level and focused and figure out some things when I've not been able to pinpoint exactly what I want.

Somewhere along the line my interest in women picked up for the first time since I got divorced. That's pushing along the next line of improvement. Been at home too long, time to be back out on my own, so I'm working towards that. I guess online dating is next.




I don't have much help for you there. I find stuff on reddit relevant to what i'm working on and subscribe, though i doubt i'll do that for online dating, but its helped me for keto and fitness, I like the smaller subs "AskMenOver30" and "FitnessOver30". I actually feel I've learned some things from the AskMen sub, even though its repetitive and skews way younger - at least from where my starting point was, someone who was pretty bitter and had a pretty negative view towards women and relationships after my divorce (or at least, about my decisionmaking history regarding women).


Anyway, congrats on all your work so far If you ever want to talk about shit I'm usually awake on facebook!

Thanks, Richard, and I'll definitely keep you in mind.

I remember reading about your weight loss and your keto diet in other threads, and I am extremely impressed. It must take tremendous will power and discipline to deal with dieting under those constraints.

As for the women part, that is definitely an area we can talk about. Although I'm a bit down on online dating, as I haven't had great success there yet, even employing some of the tricks and approaches I have read about online.

In the end, I feel like I will do better one on one in live approaches, so that is where I have moved my "game." Not that I am doing much with it--still battling approach anxiety--but I have always come off much better in person than in pictures (I am not photogenic at all, but in person most people find me at least somewhat engaging and very personable--comes with waiting tables for 20 years).

Good luck as always.

[Chief Rum]

Originally Posted by britrock88

Any pointers on the fingernails?

Okay, this was a huge, huge bugaboo for me, and I have no idea if what I did will really work. It almost seemed too easy for me.

I set up what is called a Habit Jar, an idea I got from Lifehacker and is more or less a "swear jar" for your habits.

I decided to charge myself $1 for every nail I bit. I bit three nails in a week and a half after starting this, so $3 at the start but then I did very well to hold off a good 2-3 weeks in, and my nails were growing in good. Then I got a little too tipsy hanging out with a friend and lost my control and pretty much bit all my nails down. I tossed a $10 bill in the jar for that mistake.

But one bad night aside, I really felt I made some strides there, and sure enough once I got back to it, I didn't have much urge to bite my fingernails. The habit I have developed is more or less playing with my nails around my mouth, which has replaced the prior urge to bite, I think. I more or less slide my nails in and among the spaces between my teeth, like I am about to bite them. But I never actually bite them. Doing that would necessitate a whole new level of action in my mind, and it has not been hard for my mind to counteract that.

I only failed once since then, biting one thumbnail down a bit. So total Habit Jar cost was $14. Last week, for the first time, I actually trimmed my nails with a nail clipper. I had never had to do that for fingernails. I found out that, with nails now, I was constantly cutting my hands with my nails, because apparently my hands mostly play with each other when I am not paying attention to them. The things you learn when you break a 40 year habit.

Incidentally, I have also used the Habit Jar to great success to help maintain my daily calorie counting goals (I aim to be at least 1000 calories consumed under my calories burned every day, at a $10 charge when I fail).

A trick I used to try for nails is the awful tasting clear nail polish. This actually worked for a bit, but I kept finding that the taste would work its way into my food. It just tasted terrible. That's the point of course, but I didn't want my food tasting like that!

Anyway, good luck.

[Alan T]

Regarding the meditation, that is one of the things I am still working on. What has been recommended to me is that I do not get so upset or frustrated with myself when I fail at it. Like almost anything, evidently it just takes practice.

What I have plans to do is to practice it for a few minutes each night before sleep. I was told that if my mind wanders off from the breathing and I start to think about various to do lists or what not, to not get frustrated at it, just realize it happens and acknowledge it, then move back to the breathing.

I was told that most people start this way and it gets easier over time.

[spleen1015]

I read this thread and swear I have written all of the posts.....

I'm amazed how different we can be yet be very much the same.

[britrock88]

Originally Posted by Chief Rum

Okay, this was a huge, huge bugaboo for me, and I have no idea if what I did will really work. It almost seemed too easy for me...

Sounds alright! I've actually managed to ameliorate the issue by having a set of clippers and some nail files at work, where I'm likeliest to play with or chew (ahh, life as a desk jockey). I do still have a reserve of the bitter nail polish, though.

[Radii]

Originally Posted by Alan T

Regarding the meditation, that is one of the things I am still working on. What has been recommended to me is that I do not get so upset or frustrated with myself when I fail at it. Like almost anything, evidently it just takes practice.

What I have plans to do is to practice it for a few minutes each night before sleep. I was told that if my mind wanders off from the breathing and I start to think about various to do lists or what not, to not get frustrated at it, just realize it happens and acknowledge it, then move back to the breathing.

The meditation I learned and practice is the same as you're describing, the focus on the breath. There's a ton of other things out there, but that's what I like doing. The part that jumps out at me though is describing your feelings when you "fail at it."

The way I was taught is that there is no such thing. There are just different experiences that you're going to have with meditation, but the only way to fail is not to do it at all. There is no need to have any sort of goal at all, just to do it and see what comes up. Its completely natural for the mind to wander, it may do so more or less for you depending on lots of different things. Sometimes it may feel like you're stuck on one thing, sometimes it'll be more difficult to pull yourself away from a thought and back to your breath. Sometimes it feels like you've got great control over everything and its AWESOME.

But the idea, at least as I learned it, is during the process of meditating, just to not worry about it, stay calm and gentle with yourself, don't judge any of these things, just go back to your breath when you notice.

Its a really weird idea to me because everywhere else in life I'm constantly judging how things are going. Eventually with this I was able to completely buy in to the idea that there's no need to judge anything. Just do it and benefits will come. But if you try to push yourself towards specific benefits or spend a lot of time judging how you're doing, you're going to have a harder time getting anywhere.

I was told that most people start this way and it gets easier over time.

Over time a regular meditation practice for most people should change your relationship with your thoughts and how you view things, at least a little, so in that sense it should get easier as you go for sure. The guy that was teaching the class I took has been doing this stuff very seriously for 30+ years and described that there were still days where his thoughts were all over the place and it was a very big challenge to find any sort of focus at all. I don't think its something you ever perfect, just something you do every day (hopefully!)

[Chief Rum]

I did a half hour session this morning before I got ready for the day, and my mind was all over the place. I don't think I ever got more than three breaths in a row where I focused solely on my breath. So many things creep into your mind, things you need to do or want to do, imagining how certain anticipated outcomes will go, even wondering how much longer I have to meditate (I use the timer on my phone, but I keep it out of sight).

I didn't beat myself up about it, and actually never really have since I have started. Even on a session which was largely unfocused, I still came out of it with a relatively still mind, ready to tackle the day. I still felt an easing of tension in my body. And I still feel it sets a tone for my mind, at least early on in the day, which is very even-keeled.

There is a lot of internal power to finding the value in feeling the present, the now, and not letting yourself get bogged down with thoughts of the past or looking ahead to the future, even if you can only do it in bits and pieces.

[Chief Rum]

Originally Posted by britrock88

Sounds alright! I've actually managed to ameliorate the issue by having a set of clippers and some nail files at work, where I'm likeliest to play with or chew (ahh, life as a desk jockey). I do still have a reserve of the bitter nail polish, though.

You do what works for you. If clippers and nail files do the trick, stick with that. But maybe doing a Habit Jar in addition will give you that extra level of "protection" from yourself. I think even just the knowledge that I would have to pay into the Habit Jar if I let my mind go absent from my nails' doings helped, even if I occasionally failed.

It only takes a month to really establish a new habit or eliminate a bad one. Keep at it, and you will be fine. And don't get done when you fail abit. That will happen, but the key is to jump back on the horse and git 'er done.

[Chief Rum]

Originally Posted by spleen1015

I read this thread and swear I have written all of the posts.....

I'm amazed how different we can be yet be very much the same.

I would encourage you to share your results, then, spleen, and what worked for you and what hasn't. I am sure we can all benefit.

[Chief Rum]

Some other things I am doing, if anyone is looking for tips...

1. I am taking cold showers. Well, I start warm but then finish with a good 3-5 minutes of cold. I work on my meditative breathing after the initial shock wears off, and that helps a lot. Cold showers are supposed to have a number of therapeutic benefits, including increasing testosterone levels. And the feeling you have when you shut the water off is just invigorating. It really feels great. Not gonna lie, though, this one is not easy when you first turn it to cold.

2. I am listening to podcasts on self-improvement in my car and at my desk at work as well. I love music and listening to some of my radio shows online and in the car, but they just give me no real value in my life in the longterm. So I am selective on when I choose to listen to those.

3. I actually make a concerted effort to make eye contact with everyone I meet, and I will usually maintain the contact until they break from it, which is usually not long. Keep in mind, this is a dominant male practice. It's very useful for establishing masculinity and power. But keep in mind there are times when this is not useful or simply too forward. But I think we all know this from feel.

I always find it interesting when I find someone who maintains the contact with me for longer than usual. That says a lot about them.

4. Along the same lines, I have made an effort to always walk "wide" and straight, no slumping of shoulders, head always up, not on my phone. I still have to remind myself now and then, but I think I am much more consistent with it now. Again, this establishes dominance and confidence.

5. I am working on plans to break out into some ventures that are more in line with my passions. For instance, I am attempting to learn to code apps so I can design a fantasy aid app, as I love fantasy sports. I don't want to be stuck doing what I am doing forever.

6. I am in the process of reshaping my "space", working on my bedroom/home office area to make it more conducive to what I want to do and who I want to be, going forward. This comes back to what Alan said, getting organized, keeping clean. For instance, I make my bed every morning, without fail. Seems simple, right? But I never used to do that before at all.

7. Before I even meditate, I am trying to get up and do something physical. Currently, it is either a five set of pushups to failure, or five sets of planks at set interims.

[AnalBumCover]

Originally Posted by Alan T

One of the focus points for me has been trying to be a better father and husband. I felt for much of my life, I did things because I felt it is what you should do or had to do as a dad. Instead I have been working on trying to enjoy the now and present. To enjoy the time with the family and focus less on the chore or responsibility of the moment and focus more n the enjoyment aspect.

I just started reading this thread, and only got to the first reply when I read this paragraph. This. This is exactly my issue at the current point in my life. I've only recently acknowledged this as an issue of mine, now I'm working at trying to resolve it.

[Shoveler]

Just wanted to chime in about the diet part of your self improvement. First off, I'm not changing my diet to lose weight so much as to make myself feel better. I'm 6'5 and about 210 pounds (as of three weeks ago). I can definitely afford to lose some weight around the waist line, but I'll just see where this goes first.

For the past three weeks I have tried to cut out unnecessary sugar from my diet. Previously I would drink one of those "energy drinks" every day and anywhere from 3-4 cans of coke. That was a ton of sugar in hindsight, and I finally came to the realization that I felt terrible, tired, and lazy all the time, by the time my 2 year old took a nap each day I was ready to do the same thing.

So, here I am. It took a couple of days after I quit drinking coke until I immediately noticed I wasn't tired at my kids nap time. I'm drinking black coffee in the morning (still need that caffeine) and then water for the rest of the day. It's really boring, and often times I want to have something else, but so far so good.

You cannot escape sugar in foods, it's just not possible with damn near everything sold in groceries stores being processed food stuffs. So I've been eating fruits to mitigate a complete withdrawal from sugar. Apparently the fiber content in fruits slows your metabolism so you dont immediately turn all the sugars in the fruit right into fat which in turn causes the symptoms I described above (tired, lazy, etc..). I also have been trying to eat more nuts, and dairy. I have been eating foods with added sugar as little as possible (it's really boring...).

I'm a pretty picky eater, so the food part outside of fruit is a struggle. Apparently our bodies treat starches like sugar as well, so I'm trying to avoid those as much as possible within reason. I had some of that puff corn processed crap a few days ago and immediately noticed I felt tired and terrible. Apparently I am becoming more sensitive to how I feel after eating, so I will not be purchasing that again.

So, from what I have read, and I can't verify any of this. Diet soda is just as bad for you as a regular soda, apparently our bodies treat any type of sugar the same way, instant fat production, instant lazy feeling and tiredness. Hell, even fruit juice is terrible since it doesn't have the fiber from the original fruit.

However, after all of what I have said, I'm not sure what to do about a well rounded diet. If you remove as much sugar as possible, you are left with a little bit of dairy, lots of meats, and fruits/vegetables. Still have some feeling around to do with this part.

Oh, and to help you out when you go shopping.. Dont buy anything that say reduced fat, or no fat, as they have a metric shit ton of sugar to replace the flavor that was removed when taking out the fat.

And one last thing.. From a little "google research" (can always trust what you read online) I was doing this morning. Apparently beer, specifically beers that are not sweet, have had the sugars completely consumed in the fermentation process. So, I am hopeful that drinking a can of beer here or there isn't going to be effectively the same as a soda.

[Alan T]

For the diet part, it sometimes gets a little tough as what one person needs might be different than another. For instance, my diet has a complete different set of requirements to fuel 9 to 12 hours of cardio work weekly. Someone else who does plenty of strength training may need something different, and then someone who does not really exercise much and lives a pretty sedentary lifestyle would need something else.

I agree with plenty of what you said in your post. I think without going into details of how much carbs vs protein vs fats people should eat as it really is different based on plenty of things, many of the basics you listed are great advice.

For me the very simple rules that I follow and think most can benefit from are:

Drinking water is one of the best things you can do period. Consuming sugars or fats or calories or carbs from drinks really limits the amount of how far you can take the eating healthy.

As mentioned, eating your sugars from natural sources (fruits) is the best way to do it. Having fruit is good, a cupcake not so much.

Avoid "diet" and "low fat" foods. Instead try to have moderation with the bad sources of nutrition and supplement it with better or healthier choices.

Stop snacking between meals. Át least for me, snacking is one of those ways to completely lose focus on your end goal. It is way too easy for a snack to suddenly become meal size over time. Most snacks are not that great of choices for food anyways. If you do need or want a snack, stick to veggies and fruits. Most people probably do not get enough of those in your diet anyways.


Beyond that it probably gets a bit too individual for me to say what works for me would work for everyone.

[Radii]

Originally Posted by Shoveler

So, from what I have read, and I can't verify any of this. Diet soda is just as bad for you as a regular soda, apparently our bodies treat any type of sugar the same way, instant fat production, instant lazy feeling and tiredness. Hell, even fruit juice is terrible since it doesn't have the fiber from the original fruit.

I've got no studies for you here but I spend time on various low carb forums every single day and have seen this discussion from new low carbers countless times over the last 18 months.

Fruit juice is unquestionably terrible. Avoid it the same way you would Coke if you're cutting back on sugar. I don't think you'll find much disagreement from anyone there.

Diet Soda I believe turns into a bigger discussion on artificial sweeteners and I think the answer is very frequently vague, "it depends", and different people react differently to different sweeteners.

Some low carbers drink diet soda daily, and report that it has zero effect on their cravings, their blood sugar, and their weight loss. Others will make posts about how they are stalled despite the fact that they are doing everything right, limiting their carbs and calories the way they want, and they are completely stuck and frustrated. A review of diet logs reveals diet coke, and after cutting them out, they are immediately back on track and weight starts coming off again.

I can't stand diet sodas so I have no information there. But I have experimented with some other artificial sweeteners in my foods.

-- Malitol is found in most Atkins brand products. Its a sugar alcohol and allows these products to report like "2 net carbs" for a chocolate bar. But Malitol is the worst sugar alcohol, it actually has a glycemic index of something like 35, compared to 58 for pure table sugar. What this means is that an Atkins product is going to basically act like 60% sugar. Its more complicated than that but I think that explanation will do here. Anyway, Atkins brand products are pretty shitty.

Most other artificial sweeteners drop into the "try it yourself and see" category. Many low carbers love stevia and have no issues on it. My own personal experience w/ this stuff... I do see blood sugar spikes with some artificial sweeteners that I would not expect. I also do experience some sugar cravings if I use any artificial sweetener, which makes it a little harder to stay on the path I want. I still use some to add some variety, but I try to limit it.

However, after all of what I have said, I'm not sure what to do about a well rounded diet. If you remove as much sugar as possible, you are left with a little bit of dairy, lots of meats, and fruits/vegetables. Still have some feeling around to do with this part.

Feel free to PM me if you want to look at any of this more in depth. I'm at the exteme end of this, on a ketogenic way of eating, I aim to limit myself to less than 20g net carbs a day. Most days in reality I eat less than 10. I do eat mostly meat and dairy and some veggies. I tend to not eat fruit. I expect to eat this way forever, this isn't a short term diet for me.

There are other less extreme low carb variants, I see lots of people who eat 80-100g carbs a day which is a lot less restrictive, but still WAY less than most people, and they find lots and lots of benefits from it, the most common ones being more energy and less hunger.

I'm diabetic and find that this way of eating gives me full control over diabetes. I've gotten off all kinds of meds doing this, all my bloodwork has improved (including cholesterol despite a daily breakfast of 5-6 eggs and 4 strips of bacon :P).


Its not for everyone, but a lot of people do eat some type of low carb who are already healthy because they just feel drastically better while doing so.

[sabotai]

Originally Posted by Chief Rum

I'm talking everything from life goals and being productive in my off time to improving on everything that I do, being more efficient and focused.

I was wondering if anyone here is also doing this sort of thing. I mean, we're all focused on being our best selves of course, but I mean really focused on it day to day, and trying to tackle my fears and anxieties head on.

Been doing this for several years. Trying to anyway.

Everyone's touched on weight. For me, it's been a struggle. But, even though I've stopped and started many times, I'm at 220 and have been for awhile, which is better than the 245-250 I used to be at. My biggest issues isn't really what I eat, it's that I eat too much. Most days I get that 1 extra meal in because it's 1:30AM, I'm wide awake and I'm HUNGRY! So I end up at 2200-2500 calories instead of 1800-2000. I think my increased hunger is mostly due to lack of sleep. I've been an insomniac my whole life. Also, not getting to the gym enough, but after a day of work with my knees and back hurting, going to the gym to use an elliptical for 30+ minutes isn't high on my list of immediate wants.

Anyway...

When I was ~30, I realized my only real ability was that I was good at playing World of Warcraft, so I started to try to improve myself. Been mostly failing at it, but I'm still trying.

I started learning German, and much like my weight lose, I stopped and started many times. I can read German pretty well now, though. I still suck at using it though. I can understand some French, Japanese and Korean too. My biggest issue with self-improvement and learning is actually sticking to it long term. I stick with it for a few weeks to a few months, but I eventually burn out, take a break and then forget about it (hence, I can understand some of several languages, but not fluent in one). Every hobby I've tried starting in the last several years has followed the same pattern.

To try to combat that, every night before I go to bed, I write out a list of goals I want to accomplish the next day. "Write 500 words", "Read a chapter of Harry Potter in German", "Do 15 minutes of yoga", "Practice piano", etc. When I do it, I put a green check next to it, and the ones I don't get to get a red mark.

This part most people may not agree with, but I purposely put more goals than I think I have time for. 1) Because when I do hit them all, "Flawless Victory!", and 2) I don't want to look a day where I have 6 green marks and 2 red as a failure, and even if I did just put down as many goals I thought I had time for, I'm still going to have days where I just don't get to them all. I don't want to train my brain to think of "8 green, 1 red = FAILED!"

There still is the occasional day where I get 1 green mark and 10 red because I decided to binge watch something on Netflix (we all need the occasional day off, even from our days off). In the past, when this happened, I'd binge watch something else the next day...then I forget all about what I was doing and spend the next 6 months playing Skyrim and FM, watching TV, and spending hours browsing reddit before thinking "Oh yeah...I was learning German, wasn't I? I should get back that." Now, I always write out that list every night to get my mind back to it after a day of doing nothing. It's helped a lot.

[spleen1015]

Originally Posted by Chief Rum

I would encourage you to share your results, then, spleen, and what worked for you and what hasn't. I am sure we can all benefit.

I don't think I can really help anyone, but I have a lot of the same thoughts, feeling, experiences, etc that have already been mentioned in this thread.

I'm hoping this thread can help me, maybe inspire me to make the changes that I need to make.

I'll give you guys my story later when I have more time to type it up.

[Alan T]

Oh sabotai reminded me of one of the things that I was working on, trying to pick up more languages fluently. I kind of fell off that boat when I switched my schedule around to run in the early mornings before work, when I used to do daily Rosetta Stone. That is something that I really would like to do better at and really think I want to pick up again.

[Neuqua]

In a somewhat similar boat, only still very much at the beginning before I've made any changes.

I just got married a couple weeks ago and I've noticed myself re-evaluating a lot that is going on in my life. At 31, I feel like I may have become content and complacent with where my life is headed which is a thought that would have scared off 25 year old me.

I don't eat as healthy as I should (though I think that should change with the wife being more of a health nut) and every time I start working out, I stop. I've realized I just don't like going to the gym without a workout partner to keep me accountable.

I need to get back in my mindset of wanting to improve myself and strive to reach my potential instead of being ok with how things have turned out.

Glad to see others have dealt with and are currently dealing with the same lingering thoughts.

[Chief Rum]

Originally Posted by sabotai

Been doing this for several years. Trying to anyway.

Everyone's touched on weight. For me, it's been a struggle. But, even though I've stopped and started many times, I'm at 220 and have been for awhile, which is better than the 245-250 I used to be at. My biggest issues isn't really what I eat, it's that I eat too much. Most days I get that 1 extra meal in because it's 1:30AM, I'm wide awake and I'm HUNGRY! So I end up at 2200-2500 calories instead of 1800-2000. I think my increased hunger is mostly due to lack of sleep. I've been an insomniac my whole life. Also, not getting to the gym enough, but after a day of work with my knees and back hurting, going to the gym to use an elliptical for 30+ minutes isn't high on my list of immediate wants.

Anyway...

When I was ~30, I realized my only real ability was that I was good at playing World of Warcraft, so I started to try to improve myself. Been mostly failing at it, but I'm still trying.

I started learning German, and much like my weight lose, I stopped and started many times. I can read German pretty well now, though. I still suck at using it though. I can understand some French, Japanese and Korean too. My biggest issue with self-improvement and learning is actually sticking to it long term. I stick with it for a few weeks to a few months, but I eventually burn out, take a break and then forget about it (hence, I can understand some of several languages, but not fluent in one). Every hobby I've tried starting in the last several years has followed the same pattern.

To try to combat that, every night before I go to bed, I write out a list of goals I want to accomplish the next day. "Write 500 words", "Read a chapter of Harry Potter in German", "Do 15 minutes of yoga", "Practice piano", etc. When I do it, I put a green check next to it, and the ones I don't get to get a red mark.

This part most people may not agree with, but I purposely put more goals than I think I have time for. 1) Because when I do hit them all, "Flawless Victory!", and 2) I don't want to look a day where I have 6 green marks and 2 red as a failure, and even if I did just put down as many goals I thought I had time for, I'm still going to have days where I just don't get to them all. I don't want to train my brain to think of "8 green, 1 red = FAILED!"

There still is the occasional day where I get 1 green mark and 10 red because I decided to binge watch something on Netflix (we all need the occasional day off, even from our days off). In the past, when this happened, I'd binge watch something else the next day...then I forget all about what I was doing and spend the next 6 months playing Skyrim and FM, watching TV, and spending hours browsing reddit before thinking "Oh yeah...I was learning German, wasn't I? I should get back that." Now, I always write out that list every night to get my mind back to it after a day of doing nothing. It's helped a lot.

That's a good idea, sab, with the checkmarks and all. I may need to do something like that, or at least on days when I am not working a double or have a work shift and then a big social engagement (those days just kinda go into a time black hole, I feel).

I'm glad you mentioned the language thing, as I did that for a bit, too, using Duolingo. I was learning Spanish, and trying to re-learn French (took it in HS). I have gotten off of that, though, because I have just been so busy and I haven't made that a priority over other things. But I definitely want to get back to that.

I also want to learn German and Russian and an Asian language, although I haven't decided which one there.

[Chief Rum]

Originally Posted by Neuqua

In a somewhat similar boat, only still very much at the beginning before I've made any changes.

I just got married a couple weeks ago and I've noticed myself re-evaluating a lot that is going on in my life. At 31, I feel like I may have become content and complacent with where my life is headed which is a thought that would have scared off 25 year old me.

I don't eat as healthy as I should (though I think that should change with the wife being more of a health nut) and every time I start working out, I stop. I've realized I just don't like going to the gym without a workout partner to keep me accountable.

I need to get back in my mindset of wanting to improve myself and strive to reach my potential instead of being ok with how things have turned out.

Glad to see others have dealt with and are currently dealing with the same lingering thoughts.

Sunny! You got married? Congrats man! That's wonderful!

I applaud you still looking beyond this to be the best person you can be. Life doesn't end at "I do." You still need to find and live your purpose. Maybe like Alan it will be just be a good husband and (eventually) father. Or maybe it will be something else. But regardless, just find it and do it.

[Chief Rum]

I had a solid day yesterday from a self-improvement perspective, listening to a couple good podcasts, getting a longer meditation session in, a good work out and way under my calories for the day, and I signed up for an NLP course that I think will help me fight off situations I have anxiety in. I also signed up for both Draftkings and Fan Duel (relates to my fantasy app project).

I also had a decently productive day at work. Not as much as I would have liked, but a solid one.

One day at a time... Today will be a struggle, I think. I don't feel I slept too well and that led me to staying in bed longer and missing out on my morning meditation sesh. I intend to do a short one in my car on break to at least make up for it a little. This is a double day (working both jobs), so there won't be much opportunity for side ventures or self-improvement. But I'll do what I can.

[Neuqua]

Which podcasts are you listening to?

[Chief Rum]

Originally Posted by Neuqua

Which podcasts are you listening to?

Menprovement is the primary one (menprovement.com). There are some great subject matters there for general improvement.

I have lately been listening to the podcasts at Daygame.com, which are informative and hilarious. A lot of those are aimed at daytime pickup and approaching women and the like, which is obviously not necessary for you but if you go through their podcasts you will find a ton of just general self-improvement stuff which is good for all men, no matter your current status.

Modern Male Lifestyle with J.D. Dallas is terrific, although I struggle to get his podcasts to stream at work for some reason (unfortunately).

I also pick out some podcasts and lectures at markmanson.net, although Manson doesn't really do regular podcasts. His material in general is fantastic, though.

Those are the main ones right now. I intend to start checking in with some others, like John Cooper, Dan Munro and Tim Ferriss, but first things first, I'm catching up on the above podcasts. I also intend to check out the Dating Skills Review podcast, which again aims more towards the pickup game, but again just has some fantastic topics and guests which would help any man looking to improve.

[Desnudo]

You can take it or leave it but I would emphasize physical fitness as the easiest way to mental health improvement, or at least increased confidence. Frankly self-help programs have been shown to be dog shit in terms of having a lasting outcome. I'm not sure what listening to a podcast will do for you other than wasting time. If you need motivation find interactions with real people. So either change yourself or your environment or both.

[Chief Rum]

Originally Posted by Desnudo

You can take it or leave it but I would emphasize physical fitness as the easiest way to mental health improvement, or at least increased confidence. Frankly self-help programs have been shown to be dog shit in terms of having a lasting outcome. I'm not sure what listening to a podcast will do for you other than wasting time. If you need motivation find interactions with real people. So either change yourself or your environment or both.

Physical fitness is pretty much a requirement for everything else. How can you be the best man you can be if you have the health and appearance of a slob? It helps both mental health and confidence. But there are many elements that go into that, including keeping your focus, being disciplined in all that you do, recognizing the benefits of the long game and, as you say, going out and just "doing it."

If you read the rest of this thread, I think you will see that what I and others are undertaking is far more than listening to podcasts. But nonetheless, it is not a waste of time to seek other sources of information for both ideas and motivation for how to change your own life. Perhaps you were born knowing everything (you wouldn't be the first New Englander I have known who claimed so), but the rest of us need help from those who have been there, done that. In fact, if you yourself have further suggestions, I encourage you to share.

I see listening to self-improvement podcasts and taking in the information from them as much more productive for me than listening to music or radio or Internet shows about nothing important. So for me at least, they are not a waste of time at all.

[Dodgerchick]

Props for making changes to improve your lives, guys. I agree that meditation is really, really hard. It sounds easy... sit there and clear your mind. No, it's not. The only time I have a "successful" meditation session is after a yoga class.

[hoopsguy]

Originally Posted by britrock88

Any pointers on the fingernails?

After having this habit for about 30 years, the kicker for me on it was seeing my 7 year old daughter picking up the habit.

I implemented a game where we could smack the other one across the hands when we saw them biting a nail. For me, it was a pretty gentle tap on her fingers but she would whack me as hard as she could. Which made her really proud when she was able to level a good, solid *SMACK* sound. Anyway, once I had a reason to focus on this besides the idea of not liking the biting of the nails, it was pretty easy for me to stop.

Just hope it won't take her 30 years to break the habit, as she still sneaks nail biting in a couple times per week.

[Desnudo]

Originally Posted by Chief Rum

Physical fitness is pretty much a requirement for everything else. How can you be the best man you can be if you have the health and appearance of a slob? It helps both mental health and confidence. But there are many elements that go into that, including keeping your focus, being disciplined in all that you do, recognizing the benefits of the long game and, as you say, going out and just "doing it."

If you read the rest of this thread, I think you will see that what I and others are undertaking is far more than listening to podcasts. But nonetheless, it is not a waste of time to seek other sources of information for both ideas and motivation for how to change your own life. Perhaps you were born knowing everything (you wouldn't be the first New Englander I have known who claimed so), but the rest of us need help from those who have been there, done that. In fact, if you yourself have further suggestions, I encourage you to share.

I see listening to self-improvement podcasts and taking in the information from them as much more productive for me than listening to music or radio or Internet shows about nothing important. So for me at least, they are not a waste of time at all.

Hey - I was pretty intoxicated when I wrote the post so please take everything in there with a grain of salt. Maybe work on not judging people based on where they're from though. The know everything gene seems to be a human phenomenon that becomes more prevalent with age. Good luck!

[bob]

So I was in a rut for the longest time, knowing that I needed to change but not knowing what I wanted. So I did nothing and the pattern continued.

However, earlier this year my wife and I both had health scares (thankfully both were false alarms) and that really kicked me in the ass. I won't say that I know for sure what I want, but I'm doing my best to take action to improve my life on a daily basis.

Outside of the workout and healthier eating categories that others have already touched on, a few other items that I have found that helped me:

- Make a list of all the things that you need to get done without focusing on why you haven't done them yet. Then start prioritizing and knocking them out. You will feel really good to make progress on something, will take a weight off your chest if they were really important items, and will free up time down the road once you know what you want.

- Declutter everything. This means not only your possessions, but also your podcast and RSS feeds, activities you don't like, TV viewing habits, etc. Remove those things that just aren't really that important to you. You will be amazed on how much time you spend maintaining things you really don't care about.

There is a saying "you can do anything you want... just not everything you want." Find out what is important to you, and start eliminating anything else (within reason).

These two items have gone a long way towards taking the stress off of me and making me much happier. I also changed jobs, which helped a ton too, but that's another story for another time.

[Chief Rum]

Originally Posted by Desnudo

Hey - I was pretty intoxicated when I wrote the post so please take everything in there with a grain of salt. Maybe work on not judging people based on where they're from though. The know everything gene seems to be a human phenomenon that becomes more prevalent with age. Good luck!

I had a longer response here to address you on this, but I decided it's not in my best interest or in keeping with the goals of the others posting in this thread, so I'm just going to let this one go.

But I do thank you for the good luck.

[muns]

Chief- I cannot tell you how much juicing helped me shed 50 pounds, along with me getting back into going to the gym. I did it last year and couldn't believe how much that stuff actually worked. Now, I stopped and gained it all back within the course of this past year, but I was shocked on how much it did work and how great I felt doing it. Trying to get back into the swing of things now, but wanted to throw that out there for you to think about.

[johnnyshaka]

Great thread, CR. And great contributions for everybody else as well.

My two cents...nearly two years ago I saw Ben's post about his trek to lose weight and he inspired me to go down a similar road. Since then I'm down 25 pounds (was down 35 pounds a year ago) primarily due to eating much better but I also stepped up the exercise (mostly walking). It's not easy but once you see results it becomes somewhat addictive...how much can I lose this week/month?! I still want to lose an additional 20-25 pounds but I'm not hellbent on doing it ASAP...it's a process and a lifestyle change.

Along with the weight loss and better health, I wanted to make some other changes in my life with regards to my family and work lives. I have two little girls (well, not so little anymore, 7 and 9) and a great wife and want to be more than just the bread winner, driveway shoveller, and lawnmower to them. So getting home from work and then immediately heading out for an hour walk kind of sabotaged that goal because it took away from my family time so I need to find another way to improve my health and fitness but also maximize my family time. So, as a result, the fitness aspect of my lifestyle transformation has taken a backseat for the time being. Instead of dropping my kids off at gymnastics and heading out for a walk I stay and watch and share the enjoyment they get from accomplishing something new.

My girls have shown an interest in music over the years so I decided to dust off the nearly 20-year old guitar last fall and committed to learning how to play it in hopes that I'll actually be able to play a song or two AND perhaps inspire them to pursue learning how to play an instrument. I also went ahead and bought a used electric guitar and a cheap amp because I was curious to see if learning to play an electric would help me stick with it and if the girls might find that more enticing. So far, so good, I find myself playing nearly everyday and even some days for an hour or more. I would also say that I've improved substantially since picking it back up and it's very satisfying. Also, my girls have shown some more interest in learning how to play but they don't seem as keen on practicing as much as I do so we'll see how it goes. But the oldest has been taking piano lessons for a few years now and is still keen on doing that so that's pretty cool. We'll see how the youngest proceeds.

Firing up the PS3 and spending a few hours a night playing games was another thing that bothered me so I quit that cold turkey over a year ago. I honestly have no idea when the last time I picked up a controller was and I don't really miss it at all. Any video games I play now are with the kids (primarily on the Wii) and even those instances are few and far between. I suppose the time I used to spend playing games has been replaced with playing guitar but I'm doing so in the living room with the kids (who have been known to start dancing and singing or even playing another instrument and "jamming" with dear old dad!) so I think I'm killing two birds with one stone...improving myself and my family life! Yay!

I would also like to cut down my TV time, or at least the time I spend watching TV when I could be hanging out with my family. I think I've accomplished that via the PVR because I still want to watch hockey and football but usually record the games and watch them later on. I do have a few shows that I like to watch and again, I record them and watch them later, but I could probably cut down on my "must see" shows. I've also tried to broaden my interests to include some stuff my wife likes to watch so we can spend some time in the evenings together on the couch enjoying each other's company. I still have some work to do on this goal because I definitely spend too much time, sometimes into the wee hours of the morning, watching TV.

Work-wise, I've been in a rut for a while and need to breakout of it. I've been a "sysadmin" for a school board for 15 years and do enjoy where I work and who I work with. I'm a 15-minute walk away from the office (and I do walk to work when I don't have drop-off or pick-up duties...yay, fitness!) and have very flexible hours due to a phenomenal boss. But my knowledge base has been somewhat stagnant over the past few years because I've been rather lazy. This is a tough business to be in if you're lazy as things change so, SO fast. So I need to find that spark, as I did with the lifestyle change, to jump start a new thirst for knowledge. I've been trying to teach myself how to code (primarily using Python) and while that isn't necessarily a requirement for my job I think with it being something new that it may get me back on the track and going forward at work.

Anyway, self improvement isn't easy especially when you've spent a lifetime doing what you do, good or bad, so I commend you (and everybody else in the same boat, myself included) on working to make yourself a better person. Good luck and continued success.

[Chief Rum]

This is awesome, guys. johnny, bob, muns, I'm going to respond a bit later to what you're doing, but congrats to all of you on the steps you're making in your lives.

I don't know if I would call it a breakthrough, but I did something in meditation this morning that I think has some potential for keeping focus (and maybe can help some of you as well). I was reading a book on meditation the other day, and it talked about focusing on body sensations when they occur--tingling, itches, tension, pain, etc.--and working them into your meditation focus, rather than ignoring them or doing something to alleviate them. The suggestion was to verbally put into words (either in your mind or very softly aloud) what you're feeling. So it suggested saying or thinking "tingling, tingling, tingling" while focusing on the tingling sensation to include it in your meditation.

I had a thought that maybe that could work on breathing, too. Because usually while I am meditating, my mind wanders inside of two breaths tops, and usually before the second breath even starts. So I started thinking "breathing, breathing, breathing" as I focused on my breath, and saying "holding breath" a couple times after intake, and then "breathing out, breathing out..." as I exhaled. This really seemed to help me maintain my focus on the breathing.

Now, that might actually work against my mind focusing, I suppose. As in you might say I am not in a present, mindful state but am actually "thinking about breathing." So maybe this won't work, or will take so much of my mind's focus that the actual benefit of the meditation will not occur. But I did have a stretch in this meditation where I felt some distinct tingling along my hairline, that felt strong enough I for abit actually thought a spider had landed on my head and was having a walkabout (which mildly tripped me out; yes, I worked it into my meditation and since I am arachnaphobic, no, I did NOT say "spider, spider, spider" lol).

Anyway, maybe some of you who are struggling with breath focus can try this, too, and see if it helps you.

[Radii]

Originally Posted by Chief Rum

I had a thought that maybe that could work on breathing, too. Because usually while I am meditating, my mind wanders inside of two breaths tops, and usually before the second breath even starts. So I started thinking "breathing, breathing, breathing" as I focused on my breath, and saying "holding breath" a couple times after intake, and then "breathing out, breathing out..." as I exhaled. This really seemed to help me maintain my focus on the breathing.

We learned some specific techniques similar to what you're describing in MBSR class that you may be interested in experimenting with. I wrote about it in my dynasty thingy, relevant part pasted here:

Simple Breathing - This is what we already know how to do. Just rest on your breathing, not necessarily doing anything special with it, just focus on your breathing, and when you find yourself distracted, acknowledge your thoughts and center back on your breath.

Noticing Each Breath - Make a small mental note of each breath, by gently noting "in...out...in...out" on each inhale/exhale.

Counting Breaths to Ten - Count each breath from 1 to 10 (inhale/exhale is one, not two). When you find your mind wandering, start over at one. Notice if you judge yourself for not counting to 10 every time. The point is not counting but maintaining focus on your breathing.

Counting Breaths Backwards - Count backwards from 50 to 1. **Super Detail-Oriented Anal-Retentive me notices that the instructor in class said to count each in/out breath as one, the handout says to count in as 50, out as 49, etc, etc. WHICH IS IT, HUH?!** Obviously, it doesn't matter at all.

Breathing With a Mantra - We didn't try this one in class, for obvious reasons. Select a simple one or two syllable sound which means nothing to you. Begin by softly saying this sound with every exhale, over a period of time soften your voice until you're saying it internally only.

Controlled Relaxation Breathing - Breathe in long and slow through your nose, exhale through slightly pursed lips as if you were gently blowing out a candle. This may be done at any time and especially when you feel stress.

I don't like the counting stuff b/c they feel too much like a "game" to see how far you can go, for me it takes my focus elsewhere. If I'm having trouble just noticing my breath and coming back to it whenever my mind wanders, I do find thinking "in... out..." helps ground me a bit. I personally don't care for it as a default, but on days when my mind is especially active, I do it and it helps.

[Dodgerchick]

Originally Posted by Chief Rum

This is awesome, guys. johnny, bob, muns, I'm going to respond a bit later to what you're doing, but congrats to all of you on the steps you're making in your lives.

I don't know if I would call it a breakthrough, but I did something in meditation this morning that I think has some potential for keeping focus (and maybe can help some of you as well). I was reading a book on meditation the other day, and it talked about focusing on body sensations when they occur--tingling, itches, tension, pain, etc.--and working them into your meditation focus, rather than ignoring them or doing something to alleviate them. The suggestion was to verbally put into words (either in your mind or very softly aloud) what you're feeling. So it suggested saying or thinking "tingling, tingling, tingling" while focusing on the tingling sensation to include it in your meditation.

I had a thought that maybe that could work on breathing, too. Because usually while I am meditating, my mind wanders inside of two breaths tops, and usually before the second breath even starts. So I started thinking "breathing, breathing, breathing" as I focused on my breath, and saying "holding breath" a couple times after intake, and then "breathing out, breathing out..." as I exhaled. This really seemed to help me maintain my focus on the breathing.

Now, that might actually work against my mind focusing, I suppose. As in you might say I am not in a present, mindful state but am actually "thinking about breathing." So maybe this won't work, or will take so much of my mind's focus that the actual benefit of the meditation will not occur. But I did have a stretch in this meditation where I felt some distinct tingling along my hairline, that felt strong enough I for abit actually thought a spider had landed on my head and was having a walkabout (which mildly tripped me out; yes, I worked it into my meditation and since I am arachnaphobic, no, I did NOT say "spider, spider, spider" lol).

Anyway, maybe some of you who are struggling with breath focus can try this, too, and see if it helps you.

I took a 10 day Vipassana Meditation course in Twenty Nine Palms, CA and this is exactly how we focused our breath. I'm writing my journey on my Facebook Status update, but I'll start a dynasty and put them there, too. My God, guys. The course has helped, SO SO SOOOOO much. Not just with meditation, but the way I approach difficult situations. To cut through the chase, once we focus on breath and become observers, we're able to not only observe our breath and sensations on our bodies, but we can observe stressful situations and people and learn to stay equanimous (in calm and control. Not favoring the craving sensations or aversions). It has proved extremely effective, as long as we continue the practice. I came back to work and had a box full of paperwork to go through, and emails up the wazoo. But I looked at everything and instead of feeling overwhelmed, they were just... things. I'd usually get stressed out immediately after coming back from vacation, but not this time. They're just things. Everything seems to be moving in slow motion, but not in a lethargic-kind of way. It's like the scene in The Matrix when Neo finds out who he is, and he's able to see everything in slow motion. That's how I've been feeling for several days.

Chief, I'm right there with you with the spider feelings. I kept feeling something on my my hairline and just observed. The sensation eventually went away and I touched, just to make sure and there was nothing. Another day I had stinging on my foot. I was in the desert and figured it might be an ant. But again, became an observer and eventually it went away.

Have you continued with this practice? Before the retreat I heard people swearing by it and gave it a shot. I'm in complete agreement. That course is life-changing and what I learned will stay with me for the rest of my life.

[djsatu]

As of last summer, I also have changed the way I live my life big time. Lost 20 lbs and have kept it off by eating healthier, juicing, and exersize 4 times a week (Eliptical and Bike). I also don't worry about every little thing going on the world anymore, because really, what can I do about it?? Less time in front of the computer and tv, more time with family and friends. Little things like making a new mix cd for myself and friends makes me happy. I'm just back to being my self again, and will not change that for anyone. Do things that make you happy everyday because life is too short and tomorrow is not guarenteed!