FOFC Lawyers - Looking for legal advice concerning elderly parent

[spleen1015]

I know we have some lawyers on the board and I hope you guys can help me deal with some stress I am feeling recently.

I haven't had much to do with my father over the last 18 years because reasons. We've recently reconnected because he's had some medical stuff going on the last few months. This eventually lead to him asking me to be PoA and MPoA.

He had a stroke on Friday that I'm not sure yet how much it is going to effect him long term.

What are my legal obligations regarding him and his care?

Long story short, he is a very toxic person. None of his 4 kids are willing to help him out too much. My mom left him in March. The house they bought in 1990 is not in livable condition. So, his only option is likely a nursing home that I refuse to pay out of pocket for.

I did some googling today and it left me stressed because I think I am legally obligated to take care of him because out of the 4 of us kids, I have the means to help him, but I don't want to. He put himself in this situation. Why should I help him out?

Some other details. I live in Indiana. His home is in Maryland. He's in the hospital in West Virginia.

I just need a little advice to help reduce the stress of this BS.

[thesloppy]

Just to make sure, have you looked into Medicaid? They will make nursing home payments if he qualifies. He would likely have to give up his home, but it doesn't sound like that's a priority to you. Hope you get some relief!

[ISiddiqui]

State law is going to control here. Generally speaking states don’t usually enforce fillial law requirements. And even if you did, the cost of care would generally have to exceed Social Security benefits. Anyways, since he’s in the hospital in West Virginia, here is a site on WVA’s fillial responsibility law:

Is there a legal responsibility for adult children to support their parents? – West Virginia Senior Legal Aid, Inc.

I believe I’ve read that Maryland has repealed their fillial responsibility law.

(As always this is general legal advice so please check with local state laws and if need a lawyer licensed in the states in question)

[spleen1015]

Thanks ISiddiqui. It looks like googling earlier found some old information.

Sloppy, he has Medicaid and he has VA benefits along with a military pension. Thanks for the idea.

I don't know about the home part of all of this since my mother is still around. She lives with my brother.

[JonInMiddleGA]

Originally Posted by spleen1015

Thanks ISiddiqui. It looks like googling earlier found some old information.

Sloppy, he has Medicaid and he has VA benefits along with a military pension. Thanks for the idea.

I don't know about the home part of all of this since my mother is still around. She lives with my brother.

One note I saw while Googling for my own education: VA facilities have some specific rules governing MPoA stuff. There's a specific form recommended (should be easy enough to google up I imagine) so in case that's a thing, might be stress saving down the road to investigate further.

[JPhillips]

Any reputable nursing home will help you with Medicaid, but he's going to need to be at zero assets to qualify. There's a lot of paperwork and requirements for documentation to verify his income and assets. What you absolutely, positively don't want to do is sign any documents making you responsible for payments prior to Medicaid approval. If you're around, they'll probably try to get you to sign those. When we finally got Medicaid approval for my mother, my brothers and I were on the hook for 20k, although it was more complicated because she wasn't at zero assets for a while.

I should add that I don't know how much if any of this applies to a VA nursing home.

[albionmoonlight]

Originally Posted by JPhillips

What you absolutely, positively don't want to do is sign any documents making you responsible for payments prior to Medicaid approval.

I am a lawyer, but I don't work at all in this area, so I don't have legal advice.

But I will second this. The people who run the homes and hospitals, etc. want money. And if they see you there, they will do everything they can to get you on the hook for anything they can.

There was a scene in Jackie Brown where Samuel L. Jackson went to the bail bondsman and asked him to post bond for his friend. And, as collateral, he gave the bondsman the amount of cash needed for the bond. Which got the bondsman to ask the obvious question--why go through me if you have the cash? Why not just use this to post bond? And Samuel L. Jackson said "If a black guy shows up and hands them cash, they are going to end up keeping it--court fees and shit. Instead, I go through you."

All of which is to say, if you are the guy helping your dad through this, then they are going to keep harassing you to sign things, pre-pay for things, agree to things, etc.

So it might be worth paying an eldercare attorney to just handle everything for you, so you aren't even involved. Just tell him what you need, pay him a flat fee, and have him get your dad into the home with his VA/pension money. And be done with it. Might be worth the one-time payment to just get it over with.

If you need recs, I can ask around for a MD or WV attorney.

[spleen1015]

Thanks everyone. I really appreciate all advice and thoughts.

I most definitely won't sign anything. I have a coworker who went through this with his mom last year and he recommended an elder care attorney as well. He had to pay for the initial consultation but everything after that was paid for by his mom.