The First Annual Golden Scribes Award Show

[Kodos]

*Copied from the old FOFC, just in case the import thing doesn't work.

Here's the Golden Scribe Finalists Thread.

Here's GoldenScribeGuy's Guide to the Golden Scribes.


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Many of the brightest stars of the FOFC universe were on hand to witness and take part in the spectacle of the First Annual Golden Scribe Awards. The first limo of the night arrived right on cue at 8 p.m., and the first finalist to step out onto the Solecismic yellow carpet was none other than the fabled QuikSand, the most grizzled veteran that FOF Central had ever known. No doubt blinded by the multitude of flashbulbs of the swarming paparazzi, QuikSand made his way as best he could towards the large double doors that led inside to the Ed Sullivan Theater, pausing frequently to shake hands with bystanders. In the crowd, one particularly big fan held up a “QuikSand for Prez” sign. By night’s end, QuikSand could quite conceivably be walking out with the top prize in just about half of the featured categories.

Next to arrive was Fritz, complete with his entourage of prancing midgets in tow. Kodos made a big splash by showing up with Hollywood hottie Natalie Portman on his arm (okay, tentacle), but rumor had it that Portman was only there to get a shot at meeting FOFC’s resident ladies’ man, HornsManiac. And who could blame her?!? Still, Kodos was obviously pleased to be showing off his date, as the drool spot on his shirt (which featured a button with an exed-out picture of Jerry Jones) was even thicker than usual. When asked where his pals the super smart monkeys were, Kodos responded that the monkey suits hadn’t come back from the cleaners in time, and that the monkeys had refused to show up looking anything less than super fantastic.

Godzilla Blitz, a favorite to win in several categories, delighted the throngs by arriving decked out in full X-Com getup, complete with a half-dozen “sectoids” who he blasted dutifully with an “auto-cannon” that shot ping pong balls at the scurrying little green men. Likewise, WSUCougar showed up in a bomberman’s jacket, while cthomer arrived dressed to the nines with a cumberbund bearing the color of the Rutgers Scarlet Knights. Poor Honolulu Blue was nominated in so many categories that he didn’t know what to wear, so he just showed up in jeans and a t-shirt. A beaming SkyDog arrived with “She Who Must Be Obeyed” on his arm, but thankfully, he had left the sailor outfit at home on this particular night. Alf, who was up for an award in the TCY category, arrived escorted by a French army jeep, which sped off hastily after the driver heard his own engine backfire. Grid Iron showed up slurping on a concoction he referred to as a “Nebraska Blizzard.” Marmel, presenter in the prestigious Dynasty of the Year category, arrived a bit late, reportedly due to an extended gambling session at the Mohegan Sun Casino in Connecticut on his way to the show. Finally, Jason Tobias, presenter of the Lifetime Achievement award, made the wackiest entrance of the night when he literally fell from the sky with the aid a rocket pack strapped to his back.

With everyone finally in attendance and settled into the theater, the lights went down, and the big show was ready to begin...

[Kodos]

Originally posted by klayman:
After a stirring musical opening by Skydog featuring Subby dancing without any pants we come to our first presentation of the night.

Presenting the Best Soccer Dynasty Award

Championship Manager is considered by some FOFCers as the best text based sports simulation on the market. The ‘other football game’ allow gamers to take control of almost any football club in the world, and vie for championships and trophies, while at the same time dealing with finicky players, interfering boards, and menacing fans. The sheer depth and immersion factor of the game lends itself very well to dynasty writing, which we have seen with many spectacular dynasty threads about soccer. Add in the writer’s own personal touches and style, and you are guaranteed a great dynasty almost every time. And with the release of Championship Manager 4 just around the corner, we can expect many more great soccer dynasties to come.

The nominees for the 2003 Best Soccer Dynasty Golden Scribe are:

QuikSand for CM - Lincoln City

And the winners:

(klayman opens envelope)

Tied for Silver:


SplitPersonality1 and Radii


Golden Scribe Gold finalist:

QuikSand for Lincoln City!!!

[Kodos]

Originally posted by Airhog:
And now back to our regularly scheduled programming...

Hi folks and welcome back to the first annual Golden Scribe Awards. Presenting our next award for best basketball dynasty, Airhog.


Thank you very much. I am a bit disappointed though, they told me I would get a free stripper from Hornsmaniac for attending and reaching 1000 posts, but all the grizzled vetrens complained alot, so Kodos told me I wouldnt get one because im still a waterboy. It feels good the be a waterboy though, because at least I earned it. And now on too the nominess for Best Basketball Dynasty.

Very few people write dynasties for Basketball. So it makes it even easier to weed out the crap from the craptacular. Our first nominee is Written by JonInMiddleGa CAD Strikes again. One thing that jumps to mind is that JonInMiddleGa says he copied Chiefs Rum style. Obviously he did something right because Cheif rum is no-where to be found in this category. I really enjoyed reading this dynasty. Our next nominee is a FBB dynasty done by RPI-Fan. Even though I think pro basketball is a waste of time, I try not to let my feelings get in the way. I try to enjoy this dynasty, but the Pro aspect just ruins it for me. I hope the voters dont feel the same way! Our final dynasty is another CAD dynasty done by Shorty3281. I read a good deal of the dynasty as well. It is pretty good and easily entertains my simple mind.


Taking home the silver in the basketball dynasty is


Shorty3281

And now for the winner of the Gold trophy and this years best basketball dynasty,



JohnInMiddleGa

And of course the bronze goes to none other than


RPI-Fan

Well folks this hasnt been fun for me. There was no alcohol backstage, and I didnt get my stripper. So in the famous words of my protege, bite my shiny metal ass!

[Kodos]

Originally posted by cthomer5000:
Before I get started, I'd just like to thank tonight's organizer - Kodos! Isn't it amazing how even with a tentacled, drooling alien in the NFL, Jerry Jones is still the slimiest owner?

But seriously folks, lets get back to the awards!
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What does it take to be nominated for best utility? A selfless dedication to creating a program for the FOFC community, the brilliance to see that FOF is not limited to the games themselves, and the dedication to making those fantasies a reality.

the nominees for Best Add-on or Utility are...


FOF4 Draft File Editor - 3ric

The first utility for FOF4, the draft file editor has become the Quantam Leap of FOF utlities.

[*]Want to make Joe Montana a first round pick this time around? [*]Ever wonder what might have been for players whose careers were ended by injury?[*]Want to stop the Bengals from drafting ...well... everyone they've drafted over the last 10 years?

The Draft File Editor has made all of this possible. So far the only utlitly for FOF4, this program has expanded the FOF universe into the previously uncharted territory of historical recreation. A positive force in the FOF community as well, the draft file editor has encouraged team-work in deciphering the value of file data and encouraged members to create draft files for public use.

An evolving utility, we likely haven't heard the last of 3ric or the Draft File Editor.


TCY Helper - Fido

The product of what most critics describe as the "greatest first post in FOFC history", Fido's TCY Helper took the community by storm.

As if sent from heaven, the utility addressed issues of player frustration head-on. Most importantly, TCY Helper gave us exactly what we'd all been dreaming of: An end-of year report card with a nude Professor Laertes! [rim-shot from the band]

Just kidding! TCY Helper relieved the time-setting headaches of every TCY player by providing suggested settings. Some of the program's other key features where a thorough overview of available coach and scout prospects, and an all-inclusive roster analyzation that quickly told you where your team stood in comparison to the rest of the nation. TCY Helper has allowed players to take "The College Years" to new levels.


FOF Almanac - VPI97

Number freaks the world around celebrated this pain-stakingly detailed statistic tracking utility. Working in conjunction with either FOF2 or FOF2001, the FOF Almanac allowed one to document every step of their football universe. Providing a detailed history for every player to ever play in your league, you no longer had to wonder what happened to that punt returner you used to have. FOF Almanac helped game-players create a true history for their league.

Documenting everything from team records to league awards, the only thing it can't tell you is how many times Rob Johnson has been sacked - it's calculation routine simply couldn't handle a number that high!


"And now..." (struggles to open envelope)

"Scarlet Knight season tickets are..."

"Oops, wrong envelope!" (nervous laughter)

"Ok! Without further ado, the winner of the 2003 Golden Scribe Award is....

TCY Helper - Fido!!



"And we have a tie for the Silver Scribe award!"

FOF Draft File Editor & FOF Almanac!


Congratulations everyone! Sit tight folks, we'll have another award shortly!

[Kodos]

Originally posted by Grid Iron:
Transcript of Rookie Dynasty Writer of the Year Award Presentation
January 14, 2003

Kodos: And now, ladies and gentlemen, presenting the Rookie Dynasty Writer of the Year Award, actress Sandra Bullock and the General Manager of the Nebraska Blizzards, Grid Iron!

[Applause]

Sandra: Good evening, Grid.

Grid Iron: Good evening, Sandra

Sandra: Grid, I must say, as a long-time lurker on the FOFC Dynasty board, there's nothing I love more than watching a rookie author develop into one of the best writers of Front Office Football Central community.

Grid Iron: I agree, Sandra. The only thing I like more . . . IS THE NEBRASKA BLIZZARDS!!! GET YOUR SEASON TICKETS NOW!!! Operators are standing by at 1-800-B-L-I-Z-Z ---

Sandra: Security!

Grid Iron: Whoa! Hold on!

Sandra: I warned you, Grid!

[Grid Iron is tackled on-stage by Danny Devito]

Grid Iron: Get your hands off me you damn dirty ape!

[Grid Iron is dragged off stage by Danny]

Grid Iron: What’s wrong with a harmless little plug?!?! Nooooooooooooooo!!!

[Grid’s voice can be heard trailing off in the distance]

Sandra: Sorry about that, folks.

[Applause]

Kodos: Now assisting Ms. Bullock is Julia Roberts. . .

[Applause]

Julia: Good evening, Sandra. Hello, ladies and gentlemen.

Sandra: All of the following nominees are certainly deserving, aren't they, Julia?

Julia: They truly are. I wish all of them could win. The nominees for Rookie Dynasty Writer of the Year are . . .

Sandra: The first nominee is Dark Cloud, whose Centurion Sports Management thread takes ownership of a sports dynasty to a whole new (corporate) level . . .
Sandra: The envelope, please!

[Grid Iron, mouth taped shut, returns to the stage and hands the envelope to Julia]

Julia: And the Bronze Scribe winner is . . .

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Sandra: It’s a tie! Congratulations to AnalBumCover, Anxiety, cthomer, Honolulu Blue, and WSUCougar!



[Applause]

Sandra: So, it’s down to Dark Cloud and stkelly!

Julia: And the Golden Scribe winner is . . .

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TAKE A DEEP BREATH, ‘CAUSE HERE IT COMES!!!

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STKELLY52!!!

Congratulations, ST!!! You deserve it!

[Applause]

[Camera sweeps over the audience to stkelly52, seated with the Five Great Men, his wife, and Dr. Dre, his new manager]

Julia: Congratulations, also, to Dark Cloud for winning the Silver Scribe!

[More applause]



Julia: I’m serious, is Percy Buchanan married?

End of Transcript.

[Kodos]

Originally posted by oykib:

Kodos: Now, to present the award for best baseball dynasty here are two well loved New York personalities, Oykib and George Steinbrenner.

Oykib: Well, thanks for the kind words, Kodos. But I actually live in Japan now.

Steinbrenner: And I’m a shipbuilder from Cleveland you one-eyed, drooling alien freak.

Oykib: …Uhmm… well… on with the awards. Would you like to do the honors, Boss.

Steinbrenner: Don’t mind if I do. I’ve always had a way with words. But don’t call me ‘Boss’.

Oykib: Whatever you say. You’re the boss.

Steinbrenner: Anyway, we are here to present the Golden Scribe for best baseball dynasty. The Golden Scribes are awards given to the most deserving writer of a dynasty posted in the FOF Central Dynasty forum—

Oykib: < ahem >

Steinbrenner: As I was saying…The Golden Scribes are nominated by a group of experts and voted on by the members of FOF Central. The votes are tallied by an independent auditor from Arthur Anderso—

Oykib: <{Cough!Cough!!}> …Boss, you’re looking into the wrong teleprompter. Jessica Alba read the ‘voting process’ bit five minutes ago.

Steinbrenner: Oh, sorry. Must’ve missed it.

Oykib: How did you miss Jessica Alba dressed for an awards show?

Steinbrenner: Well, I was eating a calzone backstage. I’m telling you that had to be the best calzone I’ve ever tasted.

Oykib: It had to be for you to miss—

Steinbrenner: I haven’t had a calzone like that since I was a kid. It was so tasty. It was baked until the edges were just the perfect motley of brown and tan. Why the texture of the dough alone… [ Oykib walks offstage to get a soda while the director cuts to a commercial break ]

[Kodos]

Originally posted by oykib:

Steinbrenner: [ Oykib walks back to the podium draining the final pull from a can of Sunkist ] … it’s the craft. No one apprentices any more. You can’t expect to learn this stuff from a book. You have to be there and watch the master at work!

Oykib: [ set down the newly-empty Sunkist can on the podium ] Yeah, Boss. Sort of like the as yet unnamed finalists for the Baseball Golden scribe.

Steinbrenner: Yes, my point exactly. These guys learned the trade in the trenches. They paid their dues.

Oykib: Right, Boss.

Steinbrenner: Yes, our bronze finalist is a guy who really new what he was doing. His writing skill was really something else. This is a paragon of the stalwart myrmidons who have, like Atlas, held up the heavens of FOFC since its inception. This fellow earned his stripes by toiling in the shadows until a light broke though the clouds and illuminated his genius like the first letter of a medieval manuscript of a Bible chapter.

Oykib: That was wonderfully poetic praise, Boss. But this guy just came in second for rookie of the year.

Steinbrenner: Yeah… I’m sure he was a lurker for while. I’m just trying to highlight his immense talent. It’s too bad that he didn’t apply that to our team. If he head, instead of some pissant team from west Podunk—

Oykib: Actually, he wrote about Cleveland.

Steinbrenner: You wanna be left behind?

Oykib: No. Excuse me, Boss. Proceed. Proceed.
Steinbrenner: The winner of the Bronze Scribe is none other than Dark Cloud!!

Oykib: Congratulations!!!


http://dynamic2.gamespy.com/~fof/ubb...c&f=3&t=001262

[Kodos]

Originally posted by oykib:

Oykib: Our silver finalist is a well-respected—

Steinbrenner: I have about as much respect for him as I do for Larry Luchino.

Oykib: …Well-known member of the community. This guy’s racked up a bunch of nominations this year. This fellow is a true grizzled veteran.

Steinbrenner: A monster of the community, if you will.

Oykib: Good one, Boss… Would you like to finish this?

Steinbrenner: No, I think the less said about this dynasty the better.

Cam Edwards: [ Heckling from the audience ] Like Howie Spira!!!

Steinbrenner: Yeah… send me a letter about it in November. I’ll be busy until then.

Oykib: …His dynasty chronicles a struggle with aliens. Is that a theme with this guy. The chronicle covers an eclectic mix of sports, the surreal, and esoterica into an amalgamated whole that manages to be even more than the sum of its myriad parts.

Steinbrenner: Aren’t you laying it on a little thick for this guy. I thought that you were with me.

Oykib: You started it with the last presentation. I’m just trying to keep up. In his dynasty, our silver finalist manges to smoothly integrate Babe Ruth, legendary swordsman Miyamoto Musashi; Rommel, the Desert Fox; Gandhi; and, of course, bloodthirsty aliens. For his unprecedented work of staggering genius—and questionable allegiance—we present the Silver Scribe to Godzilla Blitz!!


http://dynamic2.gamespy.com/~fof/ubb...c&f=3&t=000515

[Kodos]

Originally posted by oykib:

Steinbrenner: And now on to our final award.

Oykib: Hey, Boss, I managed to avoid mentioning the subject matter in my presentation. I’ve got my spot on planet Jeter, right?

Steinbrenner: Yeah, yeah… You’re the first officer on the Yogi.

Oykib: That’s the on carrying Tyra Banks, right.

Steinbrenner: Whoever you want… On with the show. I gotta let some people go tonight. That ‘poop’ guy’s really put me in a bad mood.

Oykib: The gold finalist really put a new spin on dynasty reports. He took OOTP and decided to record-- not his career as a GM—but the career of one of his superstar talents.

Steinbrenner: Now this guy was a superstar. A great shortstop. And a man of character. A leader who dragged his team to the promised land.

Oykib: The writer, like our silver finalist, is up for a bunch of awards tonight. He is a true asset to the board.

Steinbrenner: Damn!! Look at this guys numbers! I gotta have this guy! [ Takes out cell phone ] Cash!! …I know you’re on vacation… …No, I don’t care what time it is in Bali right now!!

Oykib: Say, Boss… you kow this guy’s a fictional character.

Steinbrenner: …hold on, Cash. Yeah, everybody’s got his price. And I bet I won’t have to worry about whose birthday party this guy goes to… [ back to cell phone ] Yeah, Cash. CASH!! I want you to hire Gumby as an advance scout. We’ll send him in to get this Christopher guy…

Oykib: [ while King George continues to bark instructions at his bleary-eyed General Manager ] Without further ado. Our Golden Scribe goes out to Honolulu Blue!!


http://dynamic2.gamespy.com/~fof/ubb...c&f=3&t=001046

[Kodos]

Originally posted by MrBug708:

*MrBug slowly makes his way to the podium*

It gives me a great honor to give the the award for Best Non-Sport Dynasty. I've seen my fair share of great of Dynasty moments. Dying a few times in Godzilla's and Vince's X-Com dynasty, being the MAN in the Golden Gopher Dynasty, helping ruin Michigan in Gold's Dynasty, and taking part as Lord of Lithuania in Chief Rum's MTW Dynasty. But enough about me.

You would think, being a forum based on a Sports game, football to be specific, that we'd only see Sports Dynasty's, with the majority being about FOF and TCY. I'd be willing to bet 60-70% are ones based on football. Of the remaining 40-30%, I would say 80% of those are based on another Sports game, like OOTP, CM, and the like. But there are those who march to the beat of a different drum. The ones who feel that the forum should be free for all to post their dynasty in games the enjoy just as much as a FOF or other sports game, if not even more so.

Here are your nominations for Best Non Sports Dynasty

X-Com I & II: The Earth's Revenge by Godzilla Blitz

What can be said about this Dynasty? I think every Poster and/or Lurker has, at the very least, read this thread. Blood, Guts, an Alien soldier, and mind controlling sectoid. A Dynasty that was started by Vince, but lives on through the immortal poster, Godzilla Blitz

MTW: Poland Shall Rise Again! by Chief Rum

Another fantasic read. Chief Rum has etched himself into Dynasty fame with his best work yet. He has made Poland into a powerful foe in Medieval Total Warfare. So much so, that he probably has changed history into keeping Hitler out of power. Reader involvement is a little more limited, but he tries to work it in as best as possible


13th FOFC Bomber Squadron (Interactive B-17 Dynasty) by WSUCougar

The one Dynasty not based on a Computer game, but rather a board game called Bomber Squadran I believe. Determinded by the roll of dice as well as drawing cards, the planes, with such names as Yummy Goat Cheese and TommyHawk, have their decisions made by 10 participants. One of which is myself


24: A Day in the Life of John Bravo by AnalBumCover

Yes, thats his name. The dynasty is based on a lurker whose fate is determinded by the "Fates". Three lucky posters who take turns deciding what Johnny Bravo should do. A fairly short dynasty, but very indepth. 2 of the "Fates" are nominated in this category as well.

Without further ado, and best of luck to all 4 candidate's!

*fumbles with the envelope that is handed to him by his loving co-presenter and current girlfriend, Tara Reid*

Ouch!!!

*cuts himself on the envelope*

I get shot at by Sectoids and manage to live through, but blood is drawn by a simple envelope!

*takes out the list from the envelope*

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24:A day in the life of Johnny Bravo!

Congrats AnalBumCover and best of luck in your continuing dynasties. I'm sure a future first place finish is in the works


Now, on to Second Place!


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MTW: Poland Shall Rise Again!


Congrats to you Chief. You deserve it. Of course, I think its time to promote the Lord of Lithuania to the King of Poland! Best of Luck to you in future campaigns and once again, Congrats on the Silver Trophy

Now, for the moment we've all been waiting for! The Grand Prize for Non-Sports Dynasty!


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X-Com I & II: The Earth's Revenge!!!

By far the most involved dynasty in FOFC. A great shoutout to Godzilla Blitz. Same to you too Vince, even though its not your award to win. Congrats to Godzilla Blitz for his hard work, even during the problems with the game itself. A job well done Godzilla and best of luck in saving the world from future invasions!

*walks off with Tara Reid as she pulls him into the bathroom and locks the door*

[Kodos]

Originally posted by Craptacular:


*enter an out-of-breath Craptacular, stage left*

I'm sorry for the delay, but unlike some of the big stars here, I didn't get a limo. My car broke down twice on the way over, and I may have had a slight overheating problem.

Anyway, on to the matter at hand.

*Craptacular pauses to catch his breath*

Power, Speed and Finesse. No, we're not talking about my '92 Plymouth.

*insert picture of crappiest car in the parking lot, currently on fire*

These are the attributes that the competitors in the "Other Sports" category are searching for. From tires to hooves, from paws to skates, the participants in these dynasties are looking for that little extra edge that makes the difference between winning and losing. Our four finalists provide a little bit of everything a dynasty reader needs. You want violent collisions with the wall? We've got auto racing and hockey! You want to test your luck with a little gambling? Try betting on horses and greyhounds. Whether or not you like to race in circles, or skate them around your opponents, these writers have got you covered.

Without further ado, here are the nominees for the Best "Other Sport" Dynasties.

FOFC Racing by RendeR and Shorty

The ultimate in interactive dynasties. Led by Shorty and RendeR, the FOFC gang gets involved with a little bumper-rubbin' and trash-talkin', as shown by this exchange:

Thomas Hudson:
All very fine candidates. Let's give them one more round of applause!

*audience politely follows along*

And now, the moment you've all been waiting for, albeit a little longer than expected:

*Crappy opens up a mangled envelope*

The bronze goes to:

Release the Hounds, by Honolulu Blue

The silver goes to:

The QuikSand Ranch rides yet again - a QPP dynasty, by QuikSand

And the 2003 FOFC Golden Scribe for Best "Other Sport" Dynasty goes to:

FOFC Racing, by RendeR and Shorty

Congratulations to RendeR, Shorty, and all the generous dynasty writers! Keep the fires burning!

*Crappy exits stage left, grabbing the fire extinguisher on his way out*

[Kodos]

Originally posted by SplitPersonality1:

And to present this year’s Golden Scribe nominees for Best TCY dynasty; here is FOFC member SplitPersonality1, Charlotte basketball star Ivana Mandic and Florida high school football star Lucius Pusey.

(Out come the presenters; and Splits is visibly…juiced. Lucius Pusey is guiding him to the lectern)

SplitP: Thank you SkyDog and the FOFC band for that rousing rendition of “Peanut Butter Jelly Time”. You guys rock.

(crowd cheers and applauds)

SplitP: Before I get started, I think we all need to give our multi-testicled friend over there (camera shot to Kodos ogling Natalie Portman), Mr. Kodos.

(scattered applause and many chuckles)

SplitP: Come on people….(thumps microphone)…is this thing on? Give it up for Kodos.

(Lucius whispers into SplitP’s ear)

SplitP (visibly flustered): Oh crap…I mean crud…Um…multi-tentacled. Tentacled…..um….not testicled, although he is an alien……Let’s move on.

Lucius: Yeah man, let’s.

SplitP: So, young Mr. Pusey, have you decided on a college yet?

Lucius: Not yet, and the name is pronounced Poo-say. It’s Lew-si-us Poo-say.

SplitP: Riiiiight. Ivana, how are you adjusting to life in the US.

Ivana: You people are so full of…how you say… laughing. A very happy people.

SplitP: What do you mean?

Ivana: Vell. People ask me what I do today, and I say I go to present award at show with two others…..They ask who and I say….I have Lucius Pusey and SplitPersonality.

(crowds laughs)

Ivana: See what I mean. Everyone laughs and is happy here.

SplitP: Yeah…..Let’s move along.

Lucius: The nominees for best TCY Dynasty are: Five Great Men, The College Years by stkelly52.

SplitP: stkelly has already won a Silver Scribe for his work on the NFL version of this dynasty which follows the exploits of five players from high school to college and beyond.

Ivana: Indiana: A TCY Village Challenge by 3ric, Alf, Andy m, bigjdotcom01, Cornhuskerly and RPI-Fan

SplitP: These guys have finally led the Hoosiers into the National spotlight making the playoffs after 28 years of mediocre football. We wish them continued success.

Lucius: Poop on the Golden Helmets Challenge by Godzilla Blitz

SplitP: This anti-dynasty is a reader favorite since many of us love to hate the Irish.

Ivana: Rutgers…The Birthplace of College Football by cthomer5000

SplitP: cthomer has given us another high quality, well-written college dynasty. This is one tough group of nominees.

Lucius: And lastly, Ursidae by Cornhuskerly

SplitP: Cornhuskerly is nominated twice in this category since he is one of the village idiots in the Indiana dynasty……(Lucius whispers into SplitP’s ear)……not village idiot…um village challenge guy…person…writer……um.…nevermind….Um…. (pause)… What did I do with the envelope?

Lucius: Don’t know man. Maybe you left them backstage.

SplitP: Sorry about that folks, I’ll be right back.

(As SplitP walks off the stage, Lucius smiles and pulls the envelope from behind his back.)

Lucius: Make fun of my name, Mr. Split Personality. Sounds like a mental disorder to me. Hehehe. (rips open envelope). And the Bronze Scribe goes to….

Godzilla Blitz for Poop on the Golden Helmets


Ivana: And the winner of the Silver Scribe goes to:

cthomer5000 for Rutgers…Birthplace of College Football


(SplitP renters the stage and glares and Lucius)

SplitP: Give me that. (he snatches the envelope away from Lucius) And the Golden Asshat…um…Golden Scribe for Best TCY Dynasty goes to……

[b] 3ric, Alf, Andy m, bigjdotcom01, Cornhuskerly and RPI-Fan for Indiana: A TCY Village Challenge[b]


(camera pans to Village Challenge group)

SplitP: Congratulations to the winners and all the nominees. Take it away SkyDog and the FOFC Band!

(Band begins playing the Indiana fight song and we fade to commercial)

[Kodos]

Originally posted by Godzilla Blitz:
I'll be busy Wednesday, and since it's already Wednesday in New Foundland I'll take the mike from Kodos, ask him to take his seat, and get right to business. Next up...

Best FOF Dynasty!

“Ladies. Gentlemen. Aliens. It’s time for one of the most coveted FOFC awards: the Best FOF Dynasty.” (Crowd stands. Loud cheers. Camera pans to QuikSand, who is figuring out a math puzzle on his napkin.)

“We all have so many reasons for visiting this board, whether it be to learn playing tips for FOF4, to rant over NFL officiating, or to learn how to pick up women from HornsManiac. (camera pans to Hornsmaniac, who is holding a sign that says “Hiring Game Reviewers now. Good pay. Great Benefits, including Free Sex Counseling and Eight-year-old Sofware.”) And it is clear to anyone who hangs around here that this board has become much more than a board about a football game.

“But whatever the reason you visit, without a doubt you first came here looking for information about that wonderful little football game called Front Office Football. (Loud cheers. Camera pans to a man—Rexall!—who is standing and booing loudly. Suddenly attack dogs drop from the ceiling and begin to devour him. Within seconds there is nothing left. Camera pans back to the stage.) And regardless of what the board has become, Front Office Football will always play a central role in the action that goes on here. It is the ‘weather’ in our conversations with strangers, the left tackle of our offensive line, the very fabric of our board.

“And it is therefore with great pleasure that I present to you this evening the five nominees for best FOF dynasty! (Crowd stands. Loud cheers. Camera pans to Natalie Portman’s breasts. Louder cheers.).

“Ladies and gentlemen, here they are, the candidates for Best FOF Dynasty! (standing ovation!)

Five Great Men: The NFL Years, by stkelly52…House Arrest Black Squirrels, by QuikSand…Nebraska Blizzards, by Grid Iron…The Bill Gates Challenge, by Kodos…The Second Chance League, by Honolulu Blue.

“Just to make it this far in such a hotly contested category is a strong achievement. It’s a shame that only one of these can win. (camera pans to Honolulu Blue’s table, where he is in a heated discussion with HornsManiac. Horns is puffing his chest out and pointing animatedly to his genitals.). Judges, may I have the envelopes, please…

“The Bronze Medal Winner is…


QuikSand for his House Arrest Squirrels!

(loud applause! Camera pans to Quiksand, who acknowledges the fanfare!)

”Wow. Well done, QuikSand! Just goes to show you how important animals are to a good dynasty, although to be honest, I never did figure out how a house could arrest a squirrel. But still, congrats! By far one of the classier dynasties in your illustrious and prolific career!” (crowd settles)

”Moving on…

“The Silver Medal Winner is…


STKelly for his Five Great Men: The NFL Years!

(loud applause! Camera pans to STKelly, who stands and takes a bow.)

“Outstanding work! Congrats! Kelly’s dynasty (HornsManiac stands and screams ‘Kelly? Did you say Kelly? Kelly, I love you!’ Camera pans to Sectoid bouncers with anal probes as they make their way to Horns’ table.)…ahem…Kelly’s dynasty is a top notch read and a solid example of creative dynasty writing. Way to go!”

(crowd settles)

”And now, the moment you have waited for! (crowd hushes) The Gold Medal Award! (camera pans to Grid Iron, who is nervously biting his nails, then Kodos, who has tentacles wrapped around his head, then Honolulu Blue, who is puffing out his chest, gesturing to Natalie Portman with his left hand, and pointing animatedly to his genitals with his right hand.).

“And the winner is…


Kodos for his Bill Gates Challenge!

(standing ovation! Kodos slithers up to receive his award!)

“Well, congratulations, Kodos! Your creative masterpiece is a true gem in the world of dynasty writing, and your winning this award (hands award to Kodos) is a testament to the dynasty’s quality and to the tremendous following it has garnered. Well done. Please, say a few words to your fans!”

(standing ovation continues! Kodos raises the award over his head! Camera pans to Grid Iron, who is standing and clapping, then Honolulu Blue, who is getting bitch-slapped by Natalie Portman. From the back of the hall we hear HornsManiac yell out, “See, Honolulu? I told you it works! She’s all wet for you! She loves you!” Camera pans to rear of the hall, where Horns is being dragged away by probe-toting Sectoids. Camera pans back to stage.).

Kodos clears his throat, waits for the applause and bitch-slapping to quiet down, then begins. “Well, first of all, I’d like to thank myself for having the great idea of putting this show together. Without my having the idea, there is no way that I would be up here tonight receiving this award and glory. And I’d like to thank the people that put all this together…well, ahem, I guess that would be me again, huh? Without my diligence and organizational effort, the original idea would have never amounted to the grand spectacle that this night has become. And let’s not forget all the monkeys, because animals are instrumental in all good dynasties, and I would be a lonely man without my monkey. And I’d also like to thank…”

“Thank you Kodos, but it’s commercial time. Congrats to all our finalists and all our winners! We’ll be back in a moment. Fans at home, don’t even think about clicking that mouse!”

(as the camera fades to black, from somewhere secluded in the deep, dark recesses of the hall, Horns’ scream comes rolling into the main auditorium, “Oh, Owwww! Aaaah! Oh my GOD! DEAR MOTHER OF GOD!!!! Aaaaaaaaaaaaah! MOMMY! Owwww! HELP!” The high pitched wheal of a Sectoid leader comes right after it: “Jugga KLAK ecki zum PANG do WANGA bimbo goo goo. WOW!*”)

(cuts to commercial)
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*Rough translation: ”WOW! This human is cocky and cool. We keep him for family sex toy.”

[Kodos]

Originally posted by Marmel:

It is an honor to stand up here and present the award for the prestigious 'Dynasty of the Year'........uhhh, award.

First, I would like to present my co-.....uhhh, presenter:

Introducing, the lovely, the talented

Her Real Name

*applause*

{her real name} Thanks for having me here Marmel.

{Marmel} My pleasure baby. Thanks for renting this tux and that limo for us. I hate when I am tapped out.

{her real name} *giggle* *Thinking to herself: he is so funny*

{Marmel} On to the nominees, none of which I should mention are as cool as me.

{her real name} *giggle* *thinking to herself: he is so cocky*

{Marmel} In no particular order, the first nominee is 'Five Great Men'

{her real name} 'CM- Lincoln City'

{Marmel} 'X-Com II'

{her real name} 'Bill Gates Challenge'

{Marmel} Wow. those really are some great dynasties, aren't they her real name?

{her real name} they sure are. So, are you going to give me your digits after the show Marm?

{Marmel} *thinking to myself, well I am happily married, and my wife doesn't know about her real name, so of course, the only sensible thing to do is* Of course Sugar-Cakes, but only if I can call you collect!

{her real name} *giggle*

{Marmel} There is a Tie for the bronze trophy!


'CM - Lincoln City'

and

'Bill Gates Challenge'


{her real name} The winner of the Silver trophy is...



Five Great Men

{Marmel}And the Winner of the Gold Trophy is...



X-Com II


{her real name} congrats to all of our finalists

{Marmel} and especially to Godzilla Blitz!

[Kodos]

Originally posted by GoldenScribeGuy:


GoldenScribeGuy exited the Green Room behind the stage in disgust. As a woman carrying a microphone brushed past him, he stopped to ask her, “Hey, Am I going on tonight or what?” She shrugged her shoulders and pointed a finger to a man barking orders to a young cameraman.

“Are you the director of this debacle?” asked GSG.

“Yeah….who are you?

“Who am I???....I…. am the one who is supposed to bring this stupid award show to its conclusion.”, said a furious GSG.

“What?....Oh…GoldenScribeGuy……uh…..Why are you wearing a mask?”

“As ugly as you are, I was wondering the same thing….. Look, am I going on soon or what…..I had three simple requests for the Green Room. A private refrigerator stocked with Mountain Dew, two packages of Oreo cookies and Little Smokies on the buffet table….Lots of Little Smokies……Do you deliver?.....No….My Dew is gone, there is slime all over my Oreos thanks to that alien buffoon, and Natalie Portman gobbled up all of my Smokies……... [pause]……When am I going on stage?”

“Let me check. I think there is one more presenter ahead of you. I’ll be right back.”, said the director. He also mumbled something under his breath as he turned to walk away.

“I heard that!” yelled GSG.

[Kodos]

Originally posted by GoldenScribeGuy:

And now, presenting the Golden Scribe Award for the Greatest Dynasty of All Time is GoldenScribeGuy:

{The FOFC orchestra begins playing the Darth Vader theme and GoldenScribeGuy enters stage left in costume, complete with flowing cape and black helmet. He slowly walks to center stage and stands before a microphone and waits for the music to end…

And waits for the music to end…

A quick glare to the orchestra pit and then silence}

GSG: “Many have wondered, just who is the man behind this mask. Who is the one who brilliantly analyzed these awards and predicted most of tonight’s winners? Just who is GoldenScribeGuy?”

{over-long pause for dramatic effect}

A shout from the crowd: “For Pete’s sake, just get on with it already!”

{As GSG gives another glare, a four-man security team moves in on the hapless speaker. he continues.}

GSG: “Tonight, my identity is revealed”

{As he lifts off the helmet, there is an audible gasp from the crowd.}

GSG: Surprise….Yes. I am GoldenScribeGuy….Did you really think it was Kodos?

{camera swings over to Kodos and a visibly irritated Natalie Portman.}

GSG: Before I start presenting this prestigious award, I would like to take this opportunity to share with you my thoughts on what it really means to win one of these golden statuettes.

Every writer loves recognition, whether they admit to it or not, and awards are just a manifestation….

{Without his knowledge, the network fades out the scene and cuts to commercial}

{Three minutes later}

GSG:…..and that is what makes these awards so special.

The top ten best dynasties of all time, as voted on by the FOFC academy members, are as follows:

A tie for number 10: Green Bay by pac320301 and Village Challenge II: The Browns by the VC group.


Number 9: MAC Daddies by Quiksand


Number 8: Poop on the Pinstripes by Godzilla Blitz


Number 7: The Indiana Village Challenge by the VC group


Number 6: Five Great Men by stkelly52


Number 5: House Arrest Black Squirrels by Quiksand…..hmm. Again, I repeat, it was the FOFC members that did the voting. It is probably impolite for me to say it here, but in my not-so-humble opinion, this should be hands down number one.


From the crowd: Get your head out of Quiksand’s butt, GSG

{Another glare from the presenter and another four-man security team moves in.}


Number 4: CM: Lincoln City by Quiksand


And the BronzeScribe goes to….




Poop on the Golden Helmets by Godzilla Blitz

{The orchestra blasts out a fanfare}


And the SilverScribe goes to…

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*


X-Com II by Godzilla Blitz


{The orchestra blasts out another fanfare}


And the GoldenScribe for Best Dynasty of All-Time goes to…
*
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:sigh: The Bill Gates Challenge by Kodos

{the orchestra begins playing the Rigel IV planetary anthem and the entire auditorium rises to their feet.

Kodos doesn’t notice at first until young Natalie nudges him and points to the stage.

GoldenScribeGuy stands at center stage slowly shaking his head in amazement until he realizes the cameras are on him. He gives a pained smile and shakes one of Kodos’ tentacles. Eventually, it calms down and everyone waits to hear Kodos speak.}

Kodos: Thanks!

{He holds up the award and walks back to his seat.}

GSG: I’d like to thank everyone for coming tonight. It’s been fun…..But before you leave, I’d like to introduce two friends of mine, Jay and Kay.

{Two men that look suspiciously like Will Smith and Tommy Lee Jones come on stage. “Will” is holding what seems to be a small inkpen-flashlight }

GSG to Jay to Kay: Gentlemen, if you will.

{GSG puts on the Vader helmet and slowly exits the stage.}

“Will” presses a button and a blinding blue flash fills the room momentarily.}

“Will”: The last presenter at this here awards show was your friend and colleague - wignasty. You folks party responsibly and get home safely. Good night.

[Kodos]

Originally posted by JasonTobiasIV:

A little nervous here, so many stars..

Anyways, I did a little research before getting involved with this award show. I made sure I knew what I was talking about.

I got acquainted with games like Hooves of Thunder and Championship Manager without ever playing them. I read up on great challenges like 'the empty cupboard,' 'the straightjacket challenge,' 'the island of misfit toys,' 'the seven year itch,' as well as 'the single state challenge.'

Lifetime achievement isn't something to be taken lightly. But in the same turn I think we all know where I am heading with this one. So before I even get to the award, I want everyone to know I have great respect for tonights winner for 'Lifetime Achievement.'

Yes, I already know who it is. And I'm sure you already know who it is. It will be no suprise for anyone sitting amongst the audience when I finally read his name from the teleprompter.

The one thing you might not have know, however, is that we have decided to rename this award after tonights recipient.

So without any furter to do (snicker) ...

[Rips into the envelope with furious anger]



May I present to you the winner of the first annual QuikSand Lifetime Achievement Award,
QUIKSAND!!!

[Kodos]

Sorry, guys! I was too lazy to copy everyone's comments over from the old board. I figured getting the presentations was the most important thing.