Blender Magazine releases list "Worst Five Songs" (past 20 years)

[Ksyrup]

The May issue, a sequel to the 2003 roundup of history's worst bands, coincides with a Blender/VH1 special, The 50 Most Awesomely Bad Songs Ever, which airs May 12.

Harvesting clunkers that range from The Doors' The End to Aqua's Barbie Girl entailed more digging than expected.

Each dud had to be a hit to make the hit list. Though Right Said Fred's I'm Too Sexy got in, such novelties as Macarena and Who Let the Dogs Out, which by design are cheesy, were nixed. The jury also whittled down the bulk of "rotten, excruciatingly bad low-hanging fruit from the '70s," Marks says.

Blender had no qualms about riding herd on sacred cows, inducting The Beatles' Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da, R.E.M.'s Shiny Happy People and John Mayer's Your Body Is a Wonderland. The entry most likely to peeve fans is Simon & Garfunkel's The Sounds of Silence.

"It's the freshman-poetry meaningfulness that got our goat," Marks says. "With self-important lyrics like, 'Hear my words that I might teach you,' it's almost a parody of pretentious '60s folk-rock.

"If Frasier Crane wrote a song, this would be it."

To accommodate coming horrors, the list can't be considered definitive. Noting that Clay Aiken's Invisible landed at No. 11, Marks predicts that "as soon as the American Idol season is finished, there will be a new entry."

[Ksyrup]

I would have chosen REM's Stand. Those are some of the worst lyrics EVER.

[TLK]

Originally Posted by Ksyrup

I would have chosen REM's Stand. Those are some of the worst lyrics EVER.

but..... it was the theme song to perhaps the most underrated televison show ever......

[Draft Dodger]

Heart of Rock and Roll - that's the other one I was thinking. That has no business being anywhere on this list.

[Leonidas]

They said Madonna had the worst rap ever on "American Life". I guess they never heard Rush do "Roll the Bones". Yeah, Rush doing rap. Every bit as bad as one might think.

As for REM, they did have "Shiny, Happy People" at 35, but I agree that "Stand" is truly horrible.

I'm wondering why the hell Queen's "Radio Ga Ga" didn't make it. Rock band does disco 5 years after disco was dead. That really needed to make the list.

[Ksyrup]

Originally Posted by TheLionKing

but..... it was the theme song to perhaps the most underrated televison show ever......

True. But I freakin' hated that theme song. In fact, having to hear it every week is probably one of the reasons I hate the song as much as I do.

[Axxon]

Originally Posted by Leonidas

They said Madonna had the worst rap ever on "American Life". I guess they never heard Rush do "Roll the Bones". Yeah, Rush doing rap. Every bit as bad as one might think.

As for REM, they did have "Shiny, Happy People" at 35, but I agree that "Stand" is truly horrible.

I'm wondering why the hell Queen's "Radio Ga Ga" didn't make it. Rock band does disco 5 years after disco was dead. That really needed to make the list.

Like I said, I love Queen but I agree 150%. It was horrible. So horrible I've tried to purge it's existence from my memory.

[finkenst]

Originally Posted by Ksyrup

I would have chosen REM's Stand. Those are some of the worst lyrics EVER.

But it generated a great song by Weird Al!

[thetrilogy]

Sorry folks, but any song played at wedding receptions makes the list:

i.e. Bob Seger - Old Time Rock 'n Roll

That song makes me chomp on my gut!

[Ksyrup]

Originally Posted by thetrilogy

Sorry folks, but any song played at wedding receptions makes the list:

Spoken like someone too young to realize that in 10-20 years, the songs you like now will be played at wedding receptions.

[Ksyrup]

Other songs on the list: Toby Keith's "Courtesy of the Red, White and Blue" (No. 22); Whitney Houston's "Greatest Love of All" (No. 30); Ricky Martin's "She Bangs" (No. 39); Billy Joel's "We Didn't Start the Fire" (No. 41); Simon & Garfunkel's "The Sounds of Silence" (No. 42); The Beatles' "Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da" (No. 48); and Celine Dion's "My Heart Will Go On" (No. 50).

This should no doubt please Quiksand.

[QuikSand]

Originally Posted by Ksyrup

Billy Joel's "We Didn't Start the Fire" (No. 41)

This should no doubt please Quiksand.

...sounds underrated to me.

[Desnudo]

Originally Posted by SirFozzie

5) Ice Ice Baby
4) Rollin
3) Every Body Have Fun Tonight
2) Achy Breaky Heart

and the Worst song of recent memory

"We Built This City"

We Built This City is a great pick. It seemed like that song was everywhere, radios, elevators, events for an incredibly long time. So damned annoying. Just thinking about it now gets me annoyed.

[Ksyrup]

Originally Posted by QuikSand

...sounds underrated to me.

Yes, well considering Celine Dion barely made the list, you should consider that a victory.

[CraigSca]

Originally Posted by TheLionKing

but..... it was the theme song to perhaps the most underrated televison show ever......

hehe - when I get drunk and we have guests over, I still pull out the collection of past episodes. It's always nice to get a convert, 13 years after the fact...

[Franklinnoble]

Originally Posted by Honolulu_Blue

If you think the orignal "We Built This City" was bad, you should have heard the horror that was the modified version, aka "We Built This City On Red Wings Goals" thing they had going on during the 2002 Stanley Cup play-offs. It was horrible. It was a shit. I mean, those modified play-off songs (e.g., "We Want Stanley", etc.) are bad, but this was the worst of the worst. Unbelievable.

I shit you not, this morning on the way in to work, the local sports talk radio station here in Sacramento dug out an old modified version of this song from 1985 or something, entitled "We Built This City On Basketball."

My knuckles are still bleeding from having to punch a hole in my stereo.

[JeeberD]

The entire Top (Bottom?) 50:


1. We Built This City, Starship, 1985

2. Achy Breaky Heart, Billy Ray Cyrus, 1992

3. Everybody Have Fun Tonight, Wang Chung, 1986

4. Rollin', Limpbizkit, 2000

5. Ice Ice Baby, Vanilla Ice, 1990

6. The Heart Of Rock & Roll, Huey Lewis and The News, 1984

7. Don't Worry, Be Happy, Bobby McFerrin, 1988

8. Party All The Time, Eddie Murphy, 1985

9. American Life, Madonna, 2003

10. Ebony And Ivory, Paul McCartney, Stevie Wonder, 1982

11. Invisible, Clay Aiken, 2003

12. Kokomo, The Beach Boys, 1988

13. Illegal Alien, Genesis, 1983

14. From A Distance, Bette Midler, 1990

15. I'll Be There For You, The Rembrandts, 1995

16. What's Up?, 4 Non Blondes, 1993

17. Pumps And A Bump, Hammer, 1994

18. You're The Inspiration, Chicago, 1984

19. Broken Wings, Mr. Mister, 1985

20. Dancing On The Ceiling, Lionel Richie, 1986

21. Two Princes, Spin Doctors, 1992

22. Courtesy Of The Red, White And Blue (The Angry American), Toby Keith, 2002

23. Sunglasses At Night, Corey Hart, 1984

24. Five For Fighting , Superman, 2000

25. I'll Be Missing You, Puff Daddy featuring Faith Evans and 112, 1997

26. The End, The Doors, 1967

27. The Final Countdown, Europe, 1987

28. Your Body Is A Wonderland, John Mayer, 2001

29. Breakfast At Tiffany's, Deep Blue Something, 1995

30. Greatest Love Of All, Whitney Houston, 1986

31. Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm, Crash Test Dummies, 1994

32. Will 2K, Will Smith, 1999

33. Barbie Girl, Aqua, 1997

34. Longer, Dan Fogelberg, 1979

35. Shiny Happy People, R.E.M., 1991

36. Make Em Say Uhh!, Master P featuring Silkk, Fiend, Mia-X and Mystikal, 1998

37. Rico Suave, Gerardo, 1991

38. Cotton Eye Joe, Rednex, 1995

39. She Bangs, Ricky Martin, 2000

40. I Wanna Sex You Up, Color Me Badd, 1991

41. We Didn't Start The Fire, Billy Joel, 1989

42. The Sounds Of Silence, Simon & Garfunkel, 1965

43. Follow Me, Uncle Kracker, 2000

44. I'll Do Anything For Love (But I Won't Do That), Meat Loaf, 1993

45. Mesmerize, Ja Rule featuring Ashanti, 2002

46. Hangin' Tough, New Kids On The Block, 1989

47. The Only Thing That Looks Good On Me Is You, Bryan Adams, 1996

48. Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da, The Beatles, 1968

49. I'm Too Sexy, Right Said Fred, 1992

50. My Heart Will Go On, Celine Dion, 1998


I'm sad about #29. That was the Denton band's lone hit and now it's considered one of the worst of all time.

[Tigercat]

I would like to see their justification for having The End on there, especiall in front of Celine Dion. Jim Morrison is going to come out of hiding with Elvis in his posse to slaughter some editors at blender magazine.

And Spin Doctors at 21... Ok so Spin Doctors isn't the smarters of rock at all, but for what it is, and it wasn't recycled rock at ALL, Two Princes was a good song.

[Draft Dodger]

Breakfast at Tiffany's was "our song" when my wife and I started dating.

[Easy Mac]

And here you said they you've got nothing in common, no common ground to start from.

[SirFozzie]

and they're falling apart.

And I say what about, Breakfast At Tiffany's?

[Easy Mac]

My computer is telling me its been 6 months since I listened to that song.

[Easy Mac]

dola, and I think I remember the film and as I recall I think... we both kind of liked it.

[SirFozzie]

and SkyDog said that's one thing, we got

[Butter]

Those are the worst fucking lyrics I've ever heard. Bar none.

[SplitPersonality1]

Originally Posted by Butter_of_69

Those are the worst fucking lyrics I've ever heard. Bar none.

You must be too young to remember "MacArthur Park".
Believe it or not, this stupid song was a hit...twice.
Some sample lyrics:


Someone left my cake out in the rain
I don't think that I can take it
And it took so long to bake it
and I'll never have that recipe again....AGAIN.

[Butter]

Originally Posted by SplitPersonality1

You must be too young to remember "MacArthur Park".
Believe it or not, this stupid song was a hit...twice.

Yeah, that is stupid, but there's something about the non-committal way the lyrics are phrased in "Breakfast at Tiffany's"... I mean, that's supposed to be the salvaging of a relationship?

As I recall, I think we both kinda liked it...

Drives me up a friggin' wall. Sorry to whoever said it was he and his wife's "song". I'm sure you have good reasons for it.

[Ksyrup]

It's upsetting to me that I'll Be There For You is on that list, simply because the song had the misfortune of being tied to a TV show that ran for so friggin' long that everyone got sick of it. I've been a huge fan of Danny Wilde for years, and the fact is, he and Phil Solem hated that the song was so popular that it prevented them from having anything other than a novelty career as the Rembrandts.

At one point at the height of its popularity, they would pull an "Andy Kaufman" and refuse to play it live, and people would chant for it and boo them for not playing it, just because they wanted to play some of their other (far more deserving) songs and wanted to be known for something other than That Song. They even tried to keep the song from being added to their "LP" album, but of course, the record company would have none of it. That's why it's the last song on there, because it got added over their objections.

Anyway...I can understand why it's there, but it's unfortunate.

[Butter]

So, did they just hate the song? Or did they hate being popular? Or did they just hate the show?

Because I know a lot of artists who have a "hit", and then want to distance themselves from it, but other people luck into a hit and have no other shred of talent and ride that hit into the ground.

Both sides of the coin are curious to me.

[Abe Sargent]

I don't think that songs that are meant as a parody, a fun little number, but get overplayed because of dance exposure should count. In other words, a song like Barbie Girl might be annoying, but it is a social commentary that is meant to be annoying. Another example is Macerena, a light hearted song that was played way more than it should have been. People don't like it because it was overplayed, not because it is one of the worst songs ever.

-Anxiety

[rkmsuf]

Originally Posted by Anxiety

I don't think that songs that are meant as a parody, a fun little number, but get overplayed because of dance exposure should count. In other words, a song like Barbie Girl might be annoying, but it is a social commentary that is meant to be annoying. Another example is Macerena, a light hearted song that was played way more than it should have been. People don't like it because it was overplayed, not because it is one of the worst songs ever.

-Anxiety

By definition it almost has to be a popular overplayed song in addition to lousy. There tons of bad songs that briefly or never make the light of day but that wouldn't make for a very interesting list.

[Abe Sargent]

I have several of these songs on MP3 and a few on CD. Just goes to show that not everybody agrees.

(songs I have on MP3: We Built This City, Broken Wings, What's Up?, Sunglasses at Night, Final Countdown


(songs I have on CD: You're the Inspiration, Cotton Eye-Joe, Barbie Girl)

-Anxiety

[ahbrady]

I would have to think that Mmm Bop deserves to be on there somewhere.

[rkmsuf]

Heartbeat by Don Johnson not being on the list casts doubt on the whole thing.