The George Bush Re-election Manifesto

[Honolulu_Blue]

George Bush re-election manifesto
George W. Bush
The White House, USA

EDUCATION AND EXPERIENCE:

LAW ENFORCEMENT: I was arrested in Kennebunkport, Maine, in 1976 for driving
under the influence of alcohol. I pled guilty, paid a fine, and had my
driver's license suspended for 30 days. My Texas driving record has been
"lost" and is not available.

MILITARY: I joined the Texas Air National Guard and went AWOL. I refused to
take a drug test or answer any questions about my drug use. By joining the
Texas Air National Guard, I was able to avoid combat duty in Vietnam.

COLLEGE: I graduated from Yale University with a low C average. I was a
cheerleader.

PAST WORK EXPERIENCE: I ran for U.S. Congress and lost. I began my career in
the oil business in Midland, Texas, in >1975. I bought an oil company, but
couldn't find any oil in Texas. The company went bankrupt shortly after I
sold all my stock. I bought the Texas Rangers baseball team in a sweetheart
deal that took land using taxpayer money. With the help of my father and our
right-wing friends in the oil industry (including Enron CEO Ken Lay), I was
elected governor of Texas.

ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS GOVERNOR OF TEXAS: I changed Texas pollution laws to
favor power and oil companies, making Texas the most polluted state in the
Union. During my tenure, Houston replaced Los Angeles as the most
smog-ridden city in America. I cut taxes and bankrupted the Texas treasury
to the tune of billions in borrowed money. I set the
record for the most executions by any governor in American history. With the
help of my brother, the governor of Florida, and my father's appointments to
the Supreme Court, I became President after losing by over 500,000 votes.

ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS PRESIDENT: I am the first President in U.S. history to
enter office with a criminal record. I invaded and occupied two countries at
a continuing cost of over one billion dollars per week. I spent the U.S.
surplus and effectively bankrupted the U.S. Treasury. I shattered the record
for the largest annual deficit in U.S. history. I set an economic record for
most private bankruptcies filed in any 12-month period and the all-time
record for most foreclosures.

In my first year in office, over 2 million Americans lost their jobs. I'm
proud that the members of my cabinet are the richest of any administration
in U.S. history. My "poorest millionaire," Connie Rice, has a Chevron oil
tanker named after her. I set the record for most campaign fundraising trips
by a U.S. President. I am the all-time U.S. and world record-holder for
receiving the most corporate campaign donations. My largest lifetime
campaign contributor, and one of my best friends, Kenneth Lay, presided over
the largest corporate bankruptcy
fraud in U.S. History, Enron. My political party used Enron private jets and
corporate attorneys to assure my success with the U.S. Supreme Court during
my election decision.

More time and money was spent investigating the Monica Lewinsky affair than
has been spent investigating one of the biggest corporate rip-offs in
history. I presided over the biggest energy crisis in U.S. history and
refused to intervene when corruption involving the oil industry was
revealed. I presided over the highest gasoline prices in U.S. history.

I changed the U.S. policy to allow convicted criminals to be awarded
government contracts. I've broken more international treaties than any
President in U.S. history. I withdrew the U.S. from the World Court of Law.
I refused to allow inspectors access to U.S. "prisoners of war" detainees
and thereby have refused to abide by the Geneva Convention. I
am the first President in history to refuse United Nations election
inspectors (during the 2002 U.S. election). I set the record for fewest
number of press conferences of any President since the advent of television.
I set the all-time record for most days on vacation in any one-year period.
After taking off the entire month of August, I presided over the worst
security failure in U.S. history.

I garnered the most sympathy for the U.S. after the World Trade Center
attacks and less than a year later made the U.S. the most hated country in
the world, the largest failure of diplomacy in world history. I am the first
President in U.S. history to order an unprovoked, preemptive attack and the
military occupation of a sovereign nation. I did so against the will of the
United Nations, the majority of U.S. citizens, and the world community. I am
the first President in history to have a majority of Europeans (71%) view my
presidency as the biggest threat to
world peace and security.

I have cut health care benefits for war veterans and support a cut in duty
benefits for active duty troops and their families -- in war time. I am
supporting development of a nuclear "Tactical Bunker Buster," a WMD. I have
so far failed to fulfill my pledge to bring Osama Bin Laden to justice.

RECORDS AND REFERENCES: All records of my tenure as governor of Texas are
now in my father's library, sealed and unavailable for public view. All
records of SEC investigations into my insider trading and my bankrupt
companies are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public view. All records
or minutes from meetings that I, or my Vice-president, attended regarding
public energy policy are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public
review.

PLEASE CONSIDER MY EXPERIENCE WHEN VOTING IN 2004.

[Butter]

Yeah, but he got Saddam out! And he's... an everyman or something...

[SirFozzie]

Ok, I don't like the guy myself, but isn't this just a weeeeee lil bit over the top?

[VPI97]

Aces! Another political thread!

[Maple Leafs]

I'm stunned that they had the restraint to not include "I traded Sammy Sosa".

[Ryche]

You left out that he traded Sammy Sosa.

Dammit, you beat me Maple Leafs

[Jon]

I've seen this before, and the one I did see did mention that he traded Sammy Sosa.

[Franklinnoble]

Yeah, and I'm sure it would be reeeeeaaaaaally difficult to create a similar resume for John Kerry.

[Honolulu_Blue]

Originally Posted by Franklinnoble

Yeah, and I'm sure it would be reeeeeaaaaaally difficult to create a similar resume for John Kerry.

Damn, the over/under on the first *simely rolleyes* response in this thread was 5.

[Easy Mac]

at least he didn't sign Arod.

[BishopMVP]

Originally Posted by Easy Mac

at least he didn't sign Arod.

Or Chan Ho Park