Failure

Gwalyn · 03-15-2003, 03:25 AM

I have a little story to tell that makes me feel like less of a man. My biggest failure was upon me tonight.

I went out with my sister-in-law tonight to the bars. We both got sufficiently wasted and headed to La Bamba's afterwards. As we were sitting down my sister-in-law was going to arm wrestle a guy that was along with us and this man behind us started talking some shit. Now my sister-in-law is a tough bitch. He called her white trash and she proceeded to sit next to him to have some words. I sat there with a buddy of mine and let her have it out.

They talked and talked and I started to notice that she was getting upset and beginning to come to tears. (she is three feet away from me.) I said something to hear in the effect of, "you ok?" she gave me the thumbs up sign. I sat and watched trying to figure out what was going on and the accoustics were terrible so I couldn't hear a word being said. Little did I know a knife was beign held to her as the guy was talking to her.

I didn't do a thing. I attempted to get her attention but she waived me off. I had no idea she was being threatened and I sat there and just watched. I feel like such a failure for not stepping in. I could have helped her avoid the situation and i did nothing. What kind of man lets a women be threatened 3 feet away adn does nothing?

Chief Rum · 03-15-2003, 03:53 AM

Gwalyn,

Don't kid yourself. One push on that knife, and your sister-in-law can be dead in seconds. Although it's unclear from what you said when you actually found out about the knife, whether you knew it or not, your "pre-empted" involvement in that (and subsequent ratcheting up of a tight situation) might have had dire consequences for your sister-in-law had you carried through.

If anything, the best opportunity to avoid the situation was when the guy first spoke up. Your sister-in-law made the choice to have words with him. Perhaps either of you might have picked up on signs that the guy was wacko and chosen not to pursue it, but that is unlikely. It's hard for most people to judge when someone truly dangerous is near them, and I wouldn't hold you at fault for not immediately picking this guy out either, nor would I hold your sister-in-law at fault. But that seemingly simple decision to confront the man (by your sister-in-law) obviously became a lot more complicated.

What I want to know is how that ended, and if you guys did anything to stop the guy after he put the knife away. Once life is not imminently in danger, it's time to call in the pros (the bouncers for immediate effect, followed by the cops for more prolonged impact). What that guy did was commit assault, assault with a deadly weapon, battery (if he pricked here even a little bit with the blade), and concealment of a deadly weapon. I'm betting a guy like that also had felony warrants out for his arrest. That's four felonies right there--if he were convicted of all of them here in California, the guy could have gone to jail for his whole life.

One thing's for sure--his effort to do this again in the future should probably have been impeded in some way if you could manage it once the immediate danger stopped.

Lemme guess, the guy let your sister-in-law go after their "talk", and she was so frightened that you guys immediately left and she didn't tell you about the knife until after you left the club and were long gone, right?

That's a shitty situation, man. I hope your sister-in-law is okay (although it's probably impossible for her not to have some significant trauma from this). But don't beat your head against the wall. There was little int he way of wise actions you could have taken while that knife was being held to her.

Chief Rum

Vince · 03-15-2003, 04:50 AM

I agree 100% with Chief Rum...you can't hold yourself accountable for not acting up; like Chief said, who's to say that your doing anything would not have set off a nasty chain of events?

If you two are both all right, then I would chalk it up to a terrible experience and leave it at that...if at all possible I would definitely report it to the authorities, but don't worry about it any more than that. Just do your best to keep yourselves out of situations like that, as difficult as that may be.

I hope you are both ok, as well.

Ben E Lou · 03-15-2003, 04:56 AM

Ditto Chief and Vince. From the scenario you presented, it sounds like there was no way you could have known. Make sure the authorities know about it now, and make sure that you and others are there for your sister-in-law.

--Ben

Buzzbee · 03-15-2003, 07:21 AM

Iwouldn't consider it a failure, I would consider it a success! No one got killed, including you or your sister-in-law. If you had been all macho and stepped in, you might be a real, tough, macho, dead man.

I'm sorry that you and your sister-on-law had to go through that experience and truly hope you are and continue to be ok. I'm sure it will have an affect, but try not to let it be a negative one.

Keep your head up. If I saw a knife, I'm willing to bet you that I, and probably a lot of other MEN on this board would have done the exact same thing you did. And we'd all be alive to tell about it.

cthomer5000 · 03-15-2003, 07:30 AM

There's something to said for not always acting on your instinct, or defending what's right. Speaking my mind to a racist scumbag who said shit about a friend of mine a couple weeks ago felt like a good idea, but when he and a friend of his ended up sending me to the hospital with 3 skull fractures, I had time to reconsider.

Life isn't easy.

Flame Eater · 03-15-2003, 07:40 AM

I worked law enforcement in the Coast Guard for seven years. I wore a vest, carried a big gun, and had a ship with REAL big guns backing me up. I didn't get too nervous about things...except knives. Knives were the one thing that would nearly make me piss my pants. Knives are small, deadly and cannot be stopped by kevlar. If you had seen any of the training films I have seen you'd piss your pants too.

You did exactly the right thing, and it all turned out okay. Go to church tomorrow, say thanks, and try not to get into that situation again.

Uncle Dave is now finished preaching. Take care.

CHEMICAL SOLDIER · 03-15-2003, 09:42 AM

Galyn There was probably nothing you could have done since I assume you found out about the knife minutes after the even and when I assume you filed for the police report . As for the culprit shame on him hes a coward for picking on a woman like that .

oykib · 03-15-2003, 10:14 AM

He was a damn pussy for physically threatening a woman in the first place. There isn't a word for a guy who needs a knife to intimidate a girl.

Don't worry about it, man. If he's next to her with the knife, it's already to late to do anything.

Just be glad you both came out okay.

03-15-2003, 03:53 AM	#2
Chief Rum Hall Of Famer Join Date: Oct 2000 Location: Where Hip Hop lives	Gwalyn, Don't kid yourself. One push on that knife, and your sister-in-law can be dead in seconds. Although it's unclear from what you said when you actually found out about the knife, whether you knew it or not, your "pre-empted" involvement in that (and subsequent ratcheting up of a tight situation) might have had dire consequences for your sister-in-law had you carried through. If anything, the best opportunity to avoid the situation was when the guy first spoke up. Your sister-in-law made the choice to have words with him. Perhaps either of you might have picked up on signs that the guy was wacko and chosen not to pursue it, but that is unlikely. It's hard for most people to judge when someone truly dangerous is near them, and I wouldn't hold you at fault for not immediately picking this guy out either, nor would I hold your sister-in-law at fault. But that seemingly simple decision to confront the man (by your sister-in-law) obviously became a lot more complicated. What I want to know is how that ended, and if you guys did anything to stop the guy after he put the knife away. Once life is not imminently in danger, it's time to call in the pros (the bouncers for immediate effect, followed by the cops for more prolonged impact). What that guy did was commit assault, assault with a deadly weapon, battery (if he pricked here even a little bit with the blade), and concealment of a deadly weapon. I'm betting a guy like that also had felony warrants out for his arrest. That's four felonies right there--if he were convicted of all of them here in California, the guy could have gone to jail for his whole life. One thing's for sure--his effort to do this again in the future should probably have been impeded in some way if you could manage it once the immediate danger stopped. Lemme guess, the guy let your sister-in-law go after their "talk", and she was so frightened that you guys immediately left and she didn't tell you about the knife until after you left the club and were long gone, right? That's a shitty situation, man. I hope your sister-in-law is okay (although it's probably impossible for her not to have some significant trauma from this). But don't beat your head against the wall. There was little int he way of wise actions you could have taken while that knife was being held to her. Chief Rum __________________ . . I would rather be wrong...Than live in the shadows of your song...My mind is open wide...And now I'm ready to start...You're not sure...You open the door...And step out into the dark...Now I'm ready.

03-15-2003, 04:50 AM	#3
Vince Pro Starter Join Date: Aug 2001 Location: Willow Glen, CA	I agree 100% with Chief Rum...you can't hold yourself accountable for not acting up; like Chief said, who's to say that your doing anything would not have set off a nasty chain of events? If you two are both all right, then I would chalk it up to a terrible experience and leave it at that...if at all possible I would definitely report it to the authorities, but don't worry about it any more than that. Just do your best to keep yourselves out of situations like that, as difficult as that may be. I hope you are both ok, as well. __________________ Every time a Dodger scores a run, an angel has its wings ripped off by a demon, and is forced to tearfully beg the demon to cauterize the wounds.The demon will refuse, and the sobbing angel will lie in a puddle of angel blood and feathers for eternity, wondering why the Dodgers are allowed to score runs.That’s not me talking: that’s science. McCoveyChronicles.com.

03-15-2003, 04:56 AM	#4
Ben E Lou Morgado's Favorite Forum Fascist Join Date: Oct 2000 Location: Greensboro, NC	Ditto Chief and Vince. From the scenario you presented, it sounds like there was no way you could have known. Make sure the authorities know about it now, and make sure that you and others are there for your sister-in-law. --Ben __________________ The media don't understand the kinds of problems and pressures 54 million come wit'!

03-15-2003, 07:21 AM	#5
Buzzbee College Starter Join Date: Jun 2002	Iwouldn't consider it a failure, I would consider it a success! No one got killed, including you or your sister-in-law. If you had been all macho and stepped in, you might be a real, tough, macho, dead man. I'm sorry that you and your sister-on-law had to go through that experience and truly hope you are and continue to be ok. I'm sure it will have an affect, but try not to let it be a negative one. Keep your head up. If I saw a knife, I'm willing to bet you that I, and probably a lot of other MEN on this board would have done the exact same thing you did. And we'd all be alive to tell about it. __________________ Ability is what you're capable of doing. Motivation determines what you do. Attitude determines how well you do it. - Lou Holtz

03-15-2003, 09:42 AM	#8
CHEMICAL SOLDIER College Starter Join Date: Jul 2002 Location: Henderson, Nevada	Galyn There was probably nothing you could have done since I assume you found out about the knife minutes after the even and when I assume you filed for the police report . As for the culprit shame on him hes a coward for picking on a woman like that . __________________ Toujour Pret

03-15-2003, 07:40 AM	#7
Flame Eater H.S. Freshman Team Join Date: Oct 2000 Location: Albany, NY	I worked law enforcement in the Coast Guard for seven years. I wore a vest, carried a big gun, and had a ship with REAL big guns backing me up. I didn't get too nervous about things...except knives. Knives were the one thing that would nearly make me piss my pants. Knives are small, deadly and cannot be stopped by kevlar. If you had seen any of the training films I have seen you'd piss your pants too. You did exactly the right thing, and it all turned out okay. Go to church tomorrow, say thanks, and try not to get into that situation again. Uncle Dave is now finished preaching. Take care.

03-15-2003, 10:14 AM	#9
oykib College Starter Join Date: Oct 2000	He was a damn pussy for physically threatening a woman in the first place. There isn't a word for a guy who needs a knife to intimidate a girl. Don't worry about it, man. If he's next to her with the knife, it's already to late to do anything. Just be glad you both came out okay.

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