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04-03-2003, 09:12 AM
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Lethargic Hooligan
Join Date: Oct 2000
Location: hello kitty found my wallet at a big tent revival and returned it with all the cash missing
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The Canonical List of French Jokes (abridged)
From:
http://www.strategypage.com/humor/de...ench_jokes.htm This is less than half the list. I would also like to add that I have much less animosity towards the French than many do right now. The Canonical List of French Jokes Q. How many Frenchmen does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A. One, because he holds the bulb and all of Europe revolves around him -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Q: What do women who are snipers in the French military use as camouflage? A: Their armpits. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Q: What’s the difference between a Frenchman and a bucket of crap? A: The bucket -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The recent tremors felt throughout France have been attributed to the fifty six thousand+ WWI & WWII U.S. soldiers spinning in their graves. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Q: Why do the French people seem so hell bent on kissing Jacques Chirac's ass? A: Because the French, in general are less sensitive to bad smells and certainly more tolerant of bitter flavors!! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Q: What’s the new French flag look like? A: A white cross emblazoned on a white background! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Q: Why did the Post Office have to recall its series of stamps depicting famous Frenchmen? A: People were confused about which side to spit on. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Q: How many Frenchmen does it take to shingle a roof? A: 3 if you slice them thin enough. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Member nations of the UN gathered for an annual Meeting of technological advancement reports. The United States ambassador stood and proudly announced, "We have developed a space craft that can fly directly into the sun!" The crowd was shocked murmurs and exclamations of "How could this be!" were heard. His assistant quickly handed him a sheet of paper, he coughed and then addressed the audience, "I'm sorry, actually, our new space craft can only fly 3 centimeters below the sun." The Japanese ambassador stood next and told the gathering, "Our Japanese scientists have invented a midget submarine that can touch the bottom of the deepest part of the ocean." Again, shock and disbelief rang through the great meeting hall. An assistant jumped up and whispered in the Japanese Ambassador's ear. He bowed deeply and said, "My deepest apologies, forgive my mistake. Our new submarine can only reach 3 centimeters above the deepest part of the ocean." It was now the French ambassador's turn to make announcement of France's contribution. He stood and looked around, "We in France have been able to develop people that can eat with their noses!" Now the UN meeting as in shock and visible horror that France would play with genetic engineering. "Actually, they eat only 3 centimeters below their noses." -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Why did the French send Lady Liberty to America? A. They had no use for her anyway B. They didn't want the tired, poor, huddled masses to come to France for God's sake. C. She wouldn't put out D. To be a constant reminder of the help they gave to defeat the British. As if WE'RE the ones with the short memory. E. They wanted to remind future generations that they once had the balls to do what is right. F. All of the above -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Q: What's the easiest way to get lung cancer? A: Breath the air in Paris! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- During one of the many wars that the French and the British fought and the French usually lost, the French just happened to capture a British Major. An officer brought the Major to the French general for interrogation. The French general began ridiculing the Major for wearing "that stupid red tunic." The French general said, "Why to you wear that red uniform, it makes it easy for us to shoot you." The British major replied, "If I do get wounded, the blood will not show, and my soldiers will not get scared." The French general said, "That is a very good idea," The Frenchy turned to his orderly and said, "From now on all French officers will wear brown pants." -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Q: Why do the French never perform “the wave” at a soccer game? A: Because, that’s a gesture reserved for use only in time of war. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Q: What does a French military alliance and a French romance have in common? A: Both are brief, sordid, and completely meaningless. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Q; How does a Frenchman hold his liquor? A: by the ears... -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "They've taken their own precautions against al-Qa'ida. To prepare for an attack, each Frenchman is urged to keep duct tape, a white flag, and a three-day supply of mistresses in the house." -- Argus Hamilton -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "What do you expect from a culture and a nation that exerted more of its national will fighting against DisneyWorld and Big Macs than the Nazis?" -- Dennis Miller -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Raise your right hand if you like the French ... raise both hands if you are French. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Q: What's the difference between a Frenchman and a trampoline? A: You take off your shoes before you jump on the trampoline. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- American to Frenchman: "Do you speak German?" Frenchman: "No." American: "You're Welcome! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Q: Since everyone knows that French men are gay, how come there are French children? A: Because of the confusion caused by the fact that French women have mustaches!! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Q: What do you call a Frenchman advancing on Baghdad? A: A salesman -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Q: Why don't the French eat M&M candies? A: They're too hard to peel. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Q: How do you castrate a Frenchmen??? A: Kick his sister in the jaw. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Q: Why do French men have moustaches? A: To remind them of their mothers.
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04-03-2003, 09:36 AM
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Pro Rookie
Join Date: Oct 2000
Location: Berkley, MI: The Hotbed of FOFC!
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04-03-2003, 10:54 AM
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General Manager
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: The Town of Flower Mound
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Quote:
That one's my personal favorite...
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