Sorry guys-Another relationship post

[Karlifornia]

I can't believe the detail which I am about to go into. If I get a new nickname above my handle because of this story, I would not be surprised. I think this story is quite interesting, though, and I would sell a kidney to entertain. So, without further ado:




I made a post last Thanksgiving about getting dumped by my girlfriend of (at the time) 2 1/2 years. I had never been dumped before, nor had I been in a relationship that lasted more than 2 months. I was FUCKED up. On Thanksgiving Day I could barely eat. I wanted her back more than anything. At first I just wanted to tappa-dat-assa one more time, but then I came the conclusion I needed her. I made it a mission to win her back. This was the only way to reclaim my dignity. A couple of weeks after, I convinced her to have sex with me. Later that night, I had a drunken one-night stand with some two-bit dime store wench. I didn't use protection.

The next day I tell my ex what happened, and, much to my delight, this sent her into a jealousy that I admittedly used to get her to officially get back together with me. We do what couples do for the next two weeks. And then the burning came. Yeah. THAT burning. Well, you can imagine what happened to her, too. It got ugly. I was mortified, and she wanted to lynch me, quite understandably. She couldn't break up with me, though. I already had re-cast my spell onto her. All she could do was cry. One car ride and antiobiotic cocktail later, all was mended. Really, though, it wasn't. Every time she would have a few drinks, she would lay into me. All I could do was sit there and take it. I couldn't find a rebuttal. There was no rebuttal. I had acted irresponsibly, and she paid the price for it. If I were in her shoes, I would have hit I-5 and never looked back. At one point, though, she finally seemed to forget about it.

I became friends with this girl at work. We decided to go to a concert in the desert. I told my girlfriend I was going without her. This made her mad. After I came back from the concert, I was told over and over that I was untrustworthy. I would tell her that I never really cheated on her, and she would reply with "Yeah, but you've still fucked up in other ways". Ok. Fair enough. One night she got drunk and beat the fuck out of me. Well, she attempted to, anyways. I tried to leave her house after she began picking a fight, and after nearly slamming the door on my hand, she jumped on me and starting swinging at my face with closed fists. Her roommates came and pryed her off of me. I was "assuming the position" the whole time, with an occaisional guarding of my face. I told her "Just don't eat my children, Iron Mike", and I drove home. Drunk out of her gourd, she drove to my mom's house at 2 am. She came upstairs, and started crying and apologizing. I told her to get the fuck out. Then she jumped on my four poster bed and starting punching at me again. I grabbed her, and we both fell off of the bed. My shoulder was pretty mangled, but I couldn't worry about that at this point! I was Steve Irwin, wrestling an American Croc-Whore (okay, she isn't-and never was-a whore..it's just a play on words)! She just didn't give up trying to hit me in the face, so I went last resort and delivered a backhand the face. It calmed her down, but I immediately felt like Ike Turner. What else could I have done? I had headlocked her, but she kept punching me in the face!!

We broke up. She would call, or come over every night, bawling her eyes out. I told her it would be a good idea for her to move on. I guess on her birthday it finally clicked with her, because she decided the best way of coping would be aspirin. I'm not talking 2 aspirin. I'm talking a whole bottle. She called 911 right after and had to stay at the hospital overnight. I picked her up the next day, and of course I had to get back together with her. I mean, what could be more self-destructive than that!?

We broke up again a few months later, and I meant it to be forever, which actually added up to whenever she stopped thinking about me. It's like a drug with me, ladies;If you want to make me fall in love with you, just be attractive, clever, and don't pay any attention to me. You could behead my family, and I'd help you clean up the mess...

So, the point of all of that is: I broke up with her again two weeks ago, and she seems to have gotten over me. There's other girls out there I'm very interested in, and I don't totally hate walking across campus with the ability to chat up cute co-eds, but fuck if she still ain't keepin' me awake at night.

I'm only 21. Add this one together with the one from Thanksgiving, hug the one you love, and when she asks you if you think you can make it together, tell her "I think it could be a whole lot worse..."

[st.cronin]

Great, now I've got that Zappa song in my head.

[dawgfan]

"Bobby Brown"?

[colt45]

oh, it's gotta happen by the holiday season. only question is - by thanksgiving or christmas? i'm going to go with inbetween halloween and thanksgiving.

[timmynausea]

I've got never, which actually means that I don't win until he dies. (I know what you're thinking - yes, sex with her corpse would count.)

[colt45]

and that, folks, is where we entered the 'next level'

[Marc Vaughan]

Originally Posted by timmynausea

I've got never, which actually means that I don't win until he dies. (I know what you're thinking - yes, sex with her corpse would count.)

Very very tasteless ..... so it obviously made me laugh out loud

[korme]

RFUS, get over her. Please, that was the worst yet entertaining story, when a girl starts throwing haymakers at my face... it's time to find new fish.

[Pyser]

Originally Posted by M GO BLUE!!!

This is only an issue because he is 21.

Believe me RFUS. This feeling won't last too long. When you get into your 30's it will hit you one day that not only has it been a while since you got it wet, but you haven't choked the chicken in a while either. At which point you'll think: "Chicken?" and go to Popeye's, or another chicken joint. When there you'll get food you know is bad for you and look at the asses on the women who work there. Instead of thinking of what you could do with it, you'll think "Damn. Just because you work at a fried chicken joint don't mean you have to eat ALL of the fuckin' chickens!" Then you'll go home, eat too much, take a good shit and fall asleep watching reruns of All in the Family.

i dont know who this m go blue guy is, but i think im glad he showed up.

[Samdari]

Originally Posted by M GO BLUE!!!

This is only an issue because he is 21.

Believe me RFUS. This feeling won't last too long. When you get into your 30's it will hit you one day that not only has it been a while since you got it wet, but you haven't choked the chicken in a while either. At which point you'll think: "Chicken?" and go to Popeye's, or another chicken joint. When there you'll get food you know is bad for you and look at the asses on the women who work there. Instead of thinking of what you could do with it, you'll think "Damn. Just because you work at a fried chicken joint don't mean you have to eat ALL of the fuckin' chickens!" Then you'll go home, eat too much, take a good shit and fall asleep watching reruns of All in the Family.

Unless you get married.

In which case you will get yelled at for looking at the asses of the girls at Popeye's (how did she know, she was home one her fat ass on the couch watching dynasty reruns) and eating too much fried chicken.

Brilliant post Blue.

Oh, and where do you guys find these women?

[GreenMonster]

Originally Posted by Shorty3281

RFUS, get over her. Please, that was the worst yet entertaining story, when a girl starts throwing haymakers at my face... it's time to find new fish.

Drop any girl that will hit you, it will only lead to bigger and worse trouble later down the road..

[sabotai]

Originally Posted by Samdari

Oh, and where do you guys find these women?

I have no idea. When people post threads like this, I start to think I've found the only sane girl in the world and maybe I should just commit to her.

[st.cronin]

Originally Posted by dawgfan

"Bobby Brown"?

Nope. Can't think of the title, but it starts out "Why does it hurt when I pee? My balls feel like a pair of maracas."

[dawgfan]

Originally Posted by st.cronin

Nope. Can't think of the title, but it starts out "Why does it hurt when I pee? My balls feel like a pair of maracas."

Ah. But you have to admit, "Bobby Brown" is a classic...

[st.cronin]

Originally Posted by dawgfan

Ah. But you have to admit, "Bobby Brown" is a classic...

I do concur.

[Karlifornia]

UPDATE:

Well, she just told me via e-mail that she's seeing someone else. After the initial gut-punch, which lasted no more than 30 seconds, I have come to the conclusion that this is great news, as it means I have no choice but to move on. It's sort of a liberating feeling.....

[Nwobhm]

LOL..ok

[Samdari]

Originally Posted by sabotai

I start to think .... maybe I should just commit to her.

Hmmm, has FOFC ever done an intervention before?

[sabotai]

Originally Posted by Samdari

Hmmm, has FOFC ever done an intervention before?

Yeah, I'm starting to think some really crazy thoughts. I need help!

[chinaski]

sounds like every relationship at that age, just learn all you can from it and mooooove on. I went thru almost the exact same scenario at that age (minus std), its total hell; but it makes you such a better partner for someone else down the road. Everyone should have at least one horribly fucked up relationship.