Rate The Last Movie You Watched - Page 108

Izulde · 08-03-2013, 02:30 AM

Yeah it could have been much better than what it was, which is why it was frustrating. And the thing at the end actually irritated me. I mean, I know the effect it was going for, but I rolled my eyes more than anything else.

Far different from Big Fish, whose ending had a good amount of emotional punch to it.

Julio Riddols · 08-03-2013, 02:51 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Izulde

Yeah it could have been much better than what it was, which is why it was frustrating. And the thing at the end actually irritated me. I mean, I know the effect it was going for, but I rolled my eyes more than anything else.

Far different from Big Fish, whose ending had a good amount of emotional punch to it.

Big Fish was berzerk. It was like Alice in Wonderland in a way. Me being a fan of anything in that absurd sweet spot between Cronenberg and Gilliam, I loved it.

bob · 08-03-2013, 07:51 AM

Watched Argo last night. Didn't know much of the real story prior to reading up after the movie. I understand making it more dramatic, but wish they stuck closer to the real events.

Buccaneer · 08-03-2013, 09:09 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Izulde

Life of Pi - 5/10
No question it's pretty, and there's promise early in the movie, but once it gets to the ocean, the whole thing just drags, drags, drags. I'm actually being generous with the 5 because I recognize there's a lot of technical polish here, but in terms of actual entertainment and keeping my interest, it's just not there.

That I said, I can see why people love it. It's just that for me personally, it's mediocre at best as far as actual enjoyment goes.

I have not seen it but your review resonates with me. I can see myself feeling the same way.

korme · 08-04-2013, 01:09 PM

Just saw Fruitvale. Waterworks.

RomaGoth · 08-06-2013, 09:44 AM

Identity Thief was better than I expected which means it wasn't complete crap. Close though. Very close.

Buccaneer · 09-16-2013, 06:53 PM

I've gotten a chance to catch up on Marvel's Avengers movies and was surprised at my reactions, despite not being a comic fan at all. I saw was The Avengers when it came out on DVD. I liked that movie quite a bit but apart from seeing Iron Man 1 and 2, I did not see the prequels of the other three characters, nor did I know much about them at all except what I saw in the Avengers. After watching them, I had to go back several times to re-watch the Avengers because those explained a lot. Kind of wished I had seen them in the right order. Anyway, here are my rankings:

1. Thor - This one really hit home for me, don't know exactly why - probably because of the timeless Shakespearan story. I thought the acting in Thor was, imo, significantly better than in any of the other Marvel movies. But this was the one movie that filled in the biggest gaps for me with Avengers.
2. Iron Man - Being a non-comic fan, this was the least comicy of all of them (except for the cheesy final battle scene).
3. Avengers - This was my first exposure to the characters except those in Iron Man 1/2. Hated the Transformers-like city battle but the interplay between all of the characters was fun to watch, in battle and out.
4. Captain America - Now I know where the Tesseract came from and why Steve Rogers was a man out of time. A really likable character, one that you were rooting for the whole way.
5. Iron Man 2 - Again, did not like the Transformers-like battle (nor the Cheadle character) but being a fan of Mickey Rourke, I really liked Vanko. Hammer was great too in a dorky kind of way.
6. Incredible Hulk - Not a bad movie but I never liked Edward Norton, not a fan of him at all. All the while I was watching this last night, I kept thinking how awesome Mark Ruffalo would have been instead of Norton. Ruffalo was easily the best actor/character in the Avengers, imo. Hulk had the stupidest villian, though.

I am looking forward to seeing Iron Man 3, heard it was awesome. And I know Thor is coming out soon, the trailers look great.

rowech · 09-16-2013, 07:19 PM

Ted (5/10) -- got some laughs but overall nothing special.

Olympus Has Fallen (6/10) -- liked it the first time I saw it when it was called Die Hard.

Suicane75 · 09-16-2013, 07:41 PM

Olympus Has Fallen: 0 Out Of 100 Stars
A movie as preposterous as it is lazy, and to be honest, an insult to the people who lived through 9/11. Olympus Has Fallen is a cheap and stupid movie whose only bright spots are the 4 or 5 times you'll laugh at how serious it tries to take itself, other than that it's a fucking rape of your senses.

The movie seems to take delight in recreating images of 9/11. A plane attacks the White House and flies by office buildings as we get the not so subtle reaction shots of the people inside those buildings. The Washington Monument crumbles to the ground after the plane crashes into it. Just real desperate, predatory, hack visuals.

I'm not sure I've ever been so insulted by a movie before. It seems to take delight in praying on real emotions and fears of an America under attack, and surround that with cut and paste drama, with some one liners sprinkled in. It's a fucking atrocious movie, made by idiots, and everyone who's in it, from Morgan Freeman, Melissa Leo and Angela Basset, should be ashamed of themselves.

This is not Die Hard in the White House, this is not a fun action movie. This is a soulless, craftless piece of shit.

Dutch · 09-16-2013, 07:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Buccaneer

I've gotten a chance to catch up on Marvel's Avengers movies and was surprised at my reactions, despite not being a comic fan at all. I saw was The Avengers when it came out on DVD. I liked that movie quite a bit but apart from seeing Iron Man 1 and 2, I did not see the prequels of the other three characters, nor did I know much about them at all except what I saw in the Avengers. After watching them, I had to go back several times to re-watch the Avengers because those explained a lot. Kind of wished I had seen them in the right order. Anyway, here are my rankings:

1. Thor - This one really hit home for me, don't know exactly why - probably because of the timeless Shakespearan story. I thought the acting in Thor was, imo, significantly better than in any of the other Marvel movies. But this was the one movie that filled in the biggest gaps for me with Avengers.
2. Iron Man - Being a non-comic fan, this was the least comicy of all of them (except for the cheesy final battle scene).
3. Avengers - This was my first exposure to the characters except those in Iron Man 1/2. Hated the Transformers-like city battle but the interplay between all of the characters was fun to watch, in battle and out.
4. Captain America - Now I know where the Tesseract came from and why Steve Rogers was a man out of time. A really likable character, one that you were rooting for the whole way.
5. Iron Man 2 - Again, did not like the Transformers-like battle (nor the Cheadle character) but being a fan of Mickey Rourke, I really liked Vanko. Hammer was great too in a dorky kind of way.
6. Incredible Hulk - Not a bad movie but I never liked Edward Norton, not a fan of him at all. All the while I was watching this last night, I kept thinking how awesome Mark Ruffalo would have been instead of Norton. Ruffalo was easily the best actor/character in the Avengers, imo. Hulk had the stupidest villian, though.

I am looking forward to seeing Iron Man 3, heard it was awesome. And I know Thor is coming out soon, the trailers look great.

I'm not sure if we should let you know, but you already saw Thor...

Buccaneer · 09-16-2013, 10:51 PM

Sorry, meant Thor 2.

Dutch · 09-16-2013, 10:57 PM

Just messin' with ya.

flere-imsaho · 09-17-2013, 07:58 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Neon_Chaos

Just finished watching Pacific Rim.It was a love letter to fans of giant mecha and monsters clashing. The little kid in me is still giddy.

Quote:

Originally Posted by revrew

It's just too bad in addition to giant mecha and monsters, they couldn't also add a story, characters, humor, two cents worth of logic or some meaningful dialogue. Really any of them would have been fine.

But the monsters and robots were cool. Plus, I love Guillermo del Toro's vision for making things look freakishly awesome.

But I still would have liked a decent story in there.

Agreed with both of you. I saw it in theaters earlier this summer and it's actually the most recent movie I've seen (sob - my life...).

There's basically a minimum of plot, characterization, etc... to drive the movie along, but I didn't mind it as, agreeing with the rev, the way del Toro's vision is realized is both awesome, in that it inspires awe, and awesome, as in, well, awesome.

It's funny, though, I'm not sure this movie would have been better if, say, the acting had been better. Let's take Idris Elba & Charlie Hunnam, for example. They've proven elsewhere they can actually act. While in Pacific Rim they're not exactly mailing it in, they're not really doing all they can. But what if they did, and got all thespian and suchlike? Would it really have made the movie (about giant robots & giant monsters) that much better? Especially if it added more non-action minutes to the movie? I dunno, but I'm thinking no.

rowech · 09-28-2013, 08:05 PM

Safety Not Guaranteed (8/10) -- I had not heard of this movie but watched it because of who was in it. It's really a pretty good movie. The ending might not do it for some and I would understand why but it's really an enjoyable comedy/romance/drama.

korme · 09-28-2013, 08:19 PM

Prisoners - Really wanted to like this movie, and I didn't. Paul Dano didn't have any room to work in his role, which was a huge disappointment. Too many plot holes. 4/10

The Spectacular Now - Struggled to find a point to this coming of age story. Another one that left me disappointed. There were some good moments, though - and, hey, Shailene Woodley. 6/10

ISiddiqui · 09-30-2013, 09:18 AM

That's funny, because I really actually liked The Spectacular Now a LOT and thought it had a very clear message by the end. I liked how realistic the romance was and they didn't go to clear cliches in a lot of teen movies. I'd give it an 8/10 myself.

Kodos · 09-30-2013, 09:24 AM

World War Z - 6.5 of 10 - Damn fast zombies. Okay as an action movie, poor as a zombie movie.

Buccaneer · 10-02-2013, 08:29 AM

Am I the only one who really like Iron Man 1 but did not like Iron Man 3 much at all?

sterlingice · 10-02-2013, 08:36 AM

Does it count if I liked Iron Man 1 and haven't seen Iron Man 3?

SI

korme · 10-02-2013, 09:43 AM

DON JON - Writer/Director Joseph Gordon-Levitt brings to light the porno-verse that we live in. He's a guido who, while scores many a hot random, is struggling to connect with a woman, preferring his one solo-go as a connection over the random ladies that share his bed. Throughout the movie he comes he strives to figure out what his real life encounters are missing.

It was funny, and a bold take on life in the 21st century. I enjoyed it for the most part. 8/10

Lathum · 10-02-2013, 10:15 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by korme

DON JON - Writer/Director Joseph Gordon-Levitt brings to light the porno-verse that we live in. He's a guido who, while scores many a hot random, is struggling to connect with a woman, preferring his one solo-go as a connection over the random ladies that share his bed. Throughout the movie he comes he strives to figure out what his real life encounters are missing.

It was funny, and a bold take on life in the 21st century. I enjoyed it for the most part. 8/10

I think this is probably a decent movie, however the name and the way they have marketed it have really turned me off to ever seeing it. I would imagine a lot of people my age feel similar.

ISiddiqui · 10-04-2013, 03:16 PM

The Great Gatsby - 3/10: This movie was so horrid. The only reason it gets a 3 is how pretty it looked. The casting was good as well. The screenplay was ridiculously bad. Especially the framing device of the psych hospital and the giving away the entire plot early in the movie, rather than it being a shocking reveal closer to the end of the book.

Pyser · 10-04-2013, 04:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ISiddiqui

The Great Gatsby - 3/10: This movie was so horrid. The only reason it gets a 3 is how pretty it looked. The casting was good as well. The screenplay was ridiculously bad. Especially the framing device of the psych hospital and the giving away the entire plot early in the movie, rather than it being a shocking reveal closer to the end of the book.

i actually thought it was a good way to get some of the language of the novel into the movie. i thought it was a pretty faithful adaptation, really.

ISiddiqui · 10-04-2013, 04:23 PM

Even though they told you everything about Gatsby and Daisy less than hour into it? In the book that wasn't revealed until the last few pages - it was kind of a great twist. The book just decided to give it all away.

Julio Riddols · 10-04-2013, 06:59 PM

The Heat 7/10 - Melissa McCarthy is hilarious. This movie is a great light comedy with action elements, nothing special.. But if you like her style of humor, she is at her best in this.

This is the End 8/10 - This 8 is almost entirely for Michael Cera and his short work in the film as a coked up wild ass version of himself. He was hilarious. I thought other than that it was a nice little tongue in cheek comedy with a satisfying ending.

Resolution 7/10 - Nice little indie. Slow burn psychological horror flick with some decent smarts. A guy tries to get his friend off meth by chaining him to a wall in an abandoned house and forcing him to detoxify, but the place where the house is located has a mysterious secret.

Deceptive Practice (Ricky Jay documentary) - 8/10 - I thought this was outstanding as a look into the history of sleight of hand and the people who are responsible for a little bit of Ricky Jay's incredible skills. I only wish more had been shown as far as the actual tricks themselves. Some of the stuff he and his mentors do is pretty amazing.

Lovelace - 9/10 - Really well made film depicting the life of Linda Lovelace from what seemed like a pretty neutral point of view. I think the acting was fantastic as well, and overall it tells a pretty engrossing story even if you already know a little bit of it.

ISiddiqui · 10-04-2013, 10:03 PM

Iron Man 3 - 6/10: I wasn't feeling this superhero movie. There was a lot in the middle which just seemed to draaaag. And the ending made NO sense...

Spoiler

Groundhog · 10-04-2013, 10:12 PM

The Great Gatsby - 3/10
Great it was not.

This is the End - 6/10
If my power had died 30 minutes into the movie and I was to grade it, it would've been a 9. As soon as the non-starring celebs (Cera in particular) are out of the picture, it got a bit lame IMO.

The World's End - 9/10
Fantastic.

Disconnected - 7.5/10
A quirky little movie this one. Had no idea what it was about going in, but ended up enjoying it.

Karlifornia · 10-05-2013, 04:19 AM

We Need To Talk About Kevin- 3/10

An exercise in masochism for both Kevin's mother and the viewer. Virtually no laughs, no heart, just cruelty without any answers. I feel worse because renting it was my idea

Pyser · 10-05-2013, 10:45 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ISiddiqui

Even though they told you everything about Gatsby and Daisy less than hour into it? In the book that wasn't revealed until the last few pages - it was kind of a great twist. The book just decided to give it all away.

i think you've misremembered the book. you find out pretty early on.

the end of the book is the group trip to ny (where you certainly know their backstory), then the car crash, then the revenge, then a decent amount of time spent on the funeral (including the drunk guy from the party coming back, and gatsby's dad coming into town). certainly no last page surprises about him and daisy.

Autumn · 10-05-2013, 01:30 PM

I haven't seen the movie, but I read the book last year I think. You're right that the backstory isn't a last page reveal, but it's certainly in the last third of the book. It's something that is teased out during the story--that's kind of the deal, the slow unraveling of Gatsby's stories, first the ones other tell, then his about himself, then the truth.

ISiddiqui · 10-05-2013, 07:45 PM

Last few pages may have been a slight hyperbole, but yeah, it's in the last part of the book. For most of the book, you are with Nick, trying to figure out what in the world does Gatsby want with Daisy and what of his history is actually true.

ISiddiqui · 10-05-2013, 07:55 PM

Gravity [in IMAX 3D] 10/10: This was a FANTASTIC movie experience. The story was wonderfully done - straightforward, simple (in a good way), and powerful. Long shots involving very little dialogue can actually add to the suspense - you don't have to fill every minute with noise. Add to that some absolutely amazing visuals. The 3D was perfectly done - nothing jumping out at you, but adding wonderful depth. And the space sky was awe inspiring (esp on IMAX).

GO SEE IT (IMAX 3D if you can)!!

Peregrine · 10-05-2013, 08:31 PM

I watched Gravity today (in normal 3D) and myself and my friends were stunned by it - so tremendously good. I can't wait to see it on IMAX soon as well.

Dutch · 10-05-2013, 09:08 PM

Captain Phillips - 10/10

Holy crap....Tom Hanks outdoes himself in this recreation of a true story. As a vet, I can appreciate the work of the US Navy and the Seals...as a civilian, I can appreciate the terror of the cargo ship crew. A true masterpiece.

Chief Rum · 10-07-2013, 10:43 AM

Gravity was awesome.

Suicane75 · 10-14-2013, 05:57 AM

Hayride: 5 Out Of 100 Stars

Spoiler

Tagged for long ass review and spoilers.

Izulde · 10-14-2013, 06:10 AM

I haven't seen the latest film adaptation of Gatsby yet. Wanted to see it in theatres but didn't get a chance to. Judging from the reviews in this thread, that's probably a good thing. I'll still watch it at some point, though, and see how I feel about it.

Butter · 10-14-2013, 06:56 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Karlifornia

We Need To Talk About Kevin- 3/10

An exercise in masochism for both Kevin's mother and the viewer. Virtually no laughs, no heart, just cruelty without any answers. I feel worse because renting it was my idea

No laughs? WTF were you expecting?

I think this was one of the best movies of 2011, though admittedly I liked it more than most.

Going to see Gravity in IMAX 3D tonight... it better be good, dammit, because that shit's expensive.

Pyser · 10-14-2013, 01:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Izulde

I haven't seen the latest film adaptation of Gatsby yet. Wanted to see it in theatres but didn't get a chance to. Judging from the reviews in this thread, that's probably a good thing. I'll still watch it at some point, though, and see how I feel about it.

silly as it sounds, i only wanted to see this in theaters. a drama in 3d in the roaring 20's with baz luhrmann's crazy vision (and soundtrack)? why bother on a small screen.

Suicane75 · 10-15-2013, 11:45 AM

Detention Of The Dead: 40 Out Of 100 Stars
Weird film that is really well made, and full of great gore and kills, but whose story is too teen centric for my tastes. It plays like an ABC Family movie with an R rating.

A group of kids are in detention when a zombie outbreak occurs, how or why is any ones guess, but the movie wastes no time in setting up it's premise. It only takes about 5 minutes before we're full steam into it, and I appreciate that.

All the actors are good, but the story is a bit all over the place, at times after school special, at times a satire of after school specials, it fluctuates way too much and tends to drag. But there are a lot of funny jokes and as I said earlier, the gore is top notch.

My guess is that the younger you are, the more you'll like this movie, and while I wouldn't recommend it anyone my age or with my sensibilities, I can see how some people could enjoy it.

9 Days Whipped Tortured And Chained By A Psychopath: 43 Out Of 100 Stars
Low budget psychological thriller about a dude who kidnaps a runaway and.....well the title pretty much says it all.

The first 10 minutes of the movie are both silly and technically horrid, every scene in which the two leads are not in the same shot, and thus needs to be edited to make the conversation flow, are pretty bad. Fortunately, as I said, that's mostly just the first 10 minutes.

The male lead is really strong, and the material he has to work with isn't awful, although it's not nearly fleshed out enough to really make you care all that much about the victim, but it did keep me from turning the movie off, which says a lot considering how it starts.

The girl who plays the victim isn't as strong an actor, although she is willing to be quite naked for a lot of the movie. She's not that attractive but she does have a kicking body.

There's not much meat to the movie, and I didn't care much whether the girl lived or died at the end but I was never quite bored, so that's a positive. The lead and the ambiance are good, but in the end I just can't recommend it, the set up is too cheesy, the motivations are never quite clear beyond "he's crazy", and the tension levels just aren't high enough, but it gets an A for effort.

The Demented: 30 Out Of 100 Stars
Pedantic, rather by the numbers zombie chase fest that has a pretty cool set up but fails to deliver much more than the typical zombie movie tropes with no real heart, no real investment in the characters and takes itself way more seriously than it should.

3 pairs of college age couples converge on the summer house of one of the dudes fathers for nice weekend when a missile attack occurs somewhere in the bayou. The missiles, for whatever reason, set off a zombie plague and away we go.

The actors are all good enough and the women look good, although despite some early tease there's no skin or frolicking to be had. The movie itself also looks good and everything is top notch from a technical aspect but there's just nothing here that hasn't been done a thousand times before.

At the end of the day, The Demented offers nothing new, while not being bad enough to enjoy in any sort of kitsch way. It's just boring.

Gnaw: 28 Out Of 100
I'll give Gnaw one thing, it sure is gross.

British slasher film that sends a group of youngsters out into the middle of the countryside for a weekend retreat. Everything about it is fine enough I suppose but besides the copious gore it doesn't really draw you in at all. There's a story involving a girl who might be pregnant and the loser who has a thing for her but other than that, most of the characters are shallow dicks so you aren't really assed with what happens to them and there isn't much in the way of drama.

Uninspired and uninspiring, with no sex or nudity, Gnaw just eats way for 90 minutes but doesn't have much flavor.

Bloody Homecoming: 44 Out Of 100 Stars
Another awful movie, but at least this one was enjoyably awful.

Low budget, but made well enough for it not to be a distraction, Bloody Homecoming is the story of a boy who is killed by a fire when he's locked in a closet by a group of Freshman on Prom Night after he tries to rape one of them. 4 years later, again on prom night, someone is looking for revenge.

Your typical slash and chase film, Bloody Homecoming is elevated to watchable by a cadre of bad performances, including a principal who waddles about and believes constantly bellowing your lines is a serviceable acting technique. Then we have a dude who looks like Morton Downey shrunk down to 8th grade size, trying to play a high school senior, who has some of the best reaction shots I've ever seen.

The movies biggest flaw is actually a complete lack of extras. There are scenes, mainly the prom scene, where there are like, 10 other people in the room, all bunched together. There's a particularly chubby lass who is seen over and over again always standing with the same two other people. The cheerleaders, all 4 of them, gather near a tree to practice. The big football game, taking place prior to the prom, is heard, but not seen. That's OK though, because we're only introduced to one football player throughout the entire movie.

We're introduced to the football coach near the end of the movie who has a bizarre exchange with a teacher about the one time they had sex in which both actors play it like it's a crucial point of the story, when in fact it just happens out of nowhere and is never touched on again, just awesome. There's a great scene involving the principal and the father of the boy who died, who also happens to be the sheriff, in which I was sure at least one of the actors was going to pop a blood vessel.

Here's the thing, if you don't have the manpower to do it, why the fuck are you setting this thing in the middle of a prom? The killer and the kids all seem to exist in a vacuum of their own during the prom, nobody else pays attention to them, nobody suspects anything, the hallways are empty, there are like 3 teachers manning a table with one punch bowl. It's absolutely impossible to get invested in any of it.

The acting ranges from decent to awful, the gore and the kills are about in the same range. There's a scene of random nudity and a some sex, but nothing titillating. The twist at the end and the actual fight scenes are bad, but funny bad. The showdown between the students and the killer is played super serious, which makes it so very amusing.

So yeah, Bloody Homecoming tries, but everything about it is just too lacking to overcome the abundant silliness. Still, if silly sounds like fun, you could do worse.

Dracula Reborn: 39 Out Of 100 Stars
Have you ever said to yourself, "Ya know, I really like skinemax movies, I just wish they didn't have all that nudity and sex". Well you're in luck.

The first hour or so moves slower than a sumo marathon as we're introduced to a realty agent who sells an old building to a creepy dude. That creepy dude is of course Dracula, who takes a liking to the agents wife. As I said, the set up takes what feels like forever, the actors are fine enough but none of them have much presence at all, especially the wife, who isn't in any way sexy, alluring, captivating, or any of the things the script treats her as.

Just like your basic skinemax movie, all the scenes that are supposed to be in offices, either a doctors office or the agents office, look more like the corner of someones living room.

The script itself is extremely basic and doesn't do much at with the Dracula myth except retell it rather blandly.

Once the movie "picks up", in the last half hour or so, we're at least treated some over the top acting that will illicit a chuckle, especially with the introduction of the Van Helsing character, who looks like he just wandered in off the set of a Durango commercial. There is some tease of decent drama and action near the end, but it gets overshadowed by the bad acting and pedestrian script.

At times bad enough for a chuckle, but never good enough to actually care much about, Dracula Reborn is just fang less.

sterlingice · 10-15-2013, 11:59 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Suicane75

Dracula Reborn: 39 Out Of 100 Stars
Have you ever said to yourself, "Ya know, I really like skinemax movies, I just wish they didn't have all that nudity and sex". Well you're in luck.

I just always assumed that was what USA's Up All Night was in the 80s and 90s

SI

Suicane75 · 10-15-2013, 01:05 PM

Oh heavens no, Up All Night was teenage sex comedies. And honestly, probably pushed the boundaries for it's time. It left in as much skin as possible.

chadritt · 10-15-2013, 01:12 PM

Finally saw Gravity. Absolutely a 10/10. One of the few live action movies where Ive really loved the 3d.

Butter · 10-15-2013, 01:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Butter_of_69

Going to see Gravity in IMAX 3D tonight... it better be good, dammit, because that shit's expensive.

This was pretty good. One of the few movies that I feel like would lose a lot in the translation from giant screen to small screen.

Kodos · 10-15-2013, 01:44 PM

Gravity had a lot of moments where suspension of disbelief was difficult, but overall, it was a very good movie.

Suicane75 · 10-18-2013, 02:46 PM

Deranged: 39 Out Of 100 Stars
Fascinating train wreck about 4 woman who convene on a vacation house for a weekend to celebrate the impending nuptials of one of them.

The cast is eclectic, the lead is Brazilian although I was sure she was Asian till about halfway through the movie. I believe there 2 Australians and 1 Scottish girl, although she may be Australian too.

Anyhoo, the lead, the Brazilian, is about a 7/10 on the Wiseau scale. I'm assuming she's a horrible actress, but perhaps it's just that her English is horrible. At times it appears she's just trying to make the correct words, forgetting entirely about what emotion she's supposed to be conveying.

So yeah, the lead is a joy to watch, unfortunately she's not around for a good stretch of the film, leaving the other 3 girls, all pretty bad in their own right, to run around and not do much of anything.

The script is pretty awful as they all have their stock personality traits, and interact with each other as if they've just met for the first time when they're supposed to be longtime friends, even though it appears as if they don't like each other much at all. There are a few promising moments where you think some action might break out but inevitably they end up doing more talking about doing stuff than actually doing stuff.

There's a fine set of breasts on display at one point, but that's about it, because why get 4 attractive women who can't act, to star in your movie if you don't want them to get naked either.

Enough hot chicks, bad acting and sexy accents to at least keep you interested up to a certain point, but The Deranged doesn't offer much more.

Nothing Left To Fear: 44 Out Of 100 Stars
A better story than movie, produced by Guns 'N' Roses Slash, Nothing Left To Fear is the story of a pastor, his wife, and their 3 kids, who move to a quiet little country town under the auspice of taking over the Pastorship, unfortunately the towns folk have much more sinister motives.

Anne Heche gets top billing but her entire role seems to be delivering background momisms, "clean your room, haha", "Don't eat all those cookies, haha". She may be drunk.

At 1:40 minutes the film is way too long, 20-25 minutes less would have helped greatly. As it is, the pacing is pretty interminable, especially in the 2nd half of the film when shit starts going down. There are times when shit happens for no good reason other than just to prolong things. When the girl begs the guy to stop the car, and he does, only for them both to get out and him implore her to get back in the car, you kind of wanna kick your TV a little.

Rebekah Brandes, playing the older sister, is the real star of the film. She's got a good presence and she looks quite fetching in her tights jeans and tank top. The rest of the cast is serviceable, although the acting of the younger brother becomes quite an irritation near the end of the movie.

The effects are solid, and the gore is pretty decent if a little tame. Brandes is very sultry but there's no nudity. The pacing is a major issue but the film looks good.

Nothing Left To Fear is a decent story, buried in a movie that at once, takes too long to tell it, and doesn't flesh it out enough. You'll get drawn into the set up, but ultimately be let down.

Do Not Disturb: 30 Out Of 100 Stars
Laughably ponderous, cheaply made film that plays more like something for the stage, maybe off off off off off Broadway, like in the Hudson.

The lead looks and acts like a mix of Roddy Piper and every male porn star you never enjoyed watching, with a dash of autism thrown in for good measure.

Anyway, he's supposed to be a fairly famous writer who is holed up on skid row doing bad things to bad stereotypes. The script is really bad and often contradicts itself while having no desire to explain any ones motivations. Tiffany Sheppis plays the agent of the writer, who, while having shit material to work with, really does a good job at trying to act like she's in a better movie.

Claustrophobicly shot, and way more in to it's own story than you'll ever be, Do Not Disturb is more like a warning than an advertisement.

Heebie Jeebies: 58 Out Of 100 Stars
Set in the town of Golderton, yes Golderton. This Sci-Fiesque film is about a monster that has been trapped in an abandoned gold mine for over a century, but when new attempts at excavation set him free, watch out Golderton.

The monster, badly CGI'd, looks like a giant vagina with teeth, legs, and five heads. I don't know whether to award points for originality, or subtract points for absurdity. The cast is rather large, but filled with the only people in town who do anything. There's the round, boisterous, ready to have a heart attack in every scene, cowboy gold dealer, whose messing with the mine unleashes the beast. We have two cops, one of whom has a panic attack every time he gets nervous, which goes from being silly to annoying in very little time. We have an attractive Asian girl, who provides a twofer as the town coroner AND relaxation therapist, helping out our troubled cop. Then we have the younger siblings of all the characters, just because teenagers, why not. Oh, and Marion Ross has a brief appearance as a crotchety old lady. Nothing like seeing a giant vagina dismember Mrs. Cunningham.

So the creature escapes and starts dishing out some murder, while the anxiety ridden cop is given a history lesson by the grandmother of the Asian coroner, at least I think it's her grandmother, they never bother to let us know. There's 3 generations of Asian women all living in the same house but they all call each other by their first names so maybe the script just didn't get that far. Anyhoo, she explains that many years ago the mine collapsed, and instead of helping the men they just moved on to a different part of the cave and started blasting there, leaving the 5 men to die. Then the wife of one of the men put a curse on or something, and voila, monster. The monster is a manifestation of the mens fears, and it uses that fear to paralyze it's victims before devouring it, which is not good news at all for our already jittery cop. So after telling this long, insane, intensive story, when the old lady and the cop realize the kids have snuck out, she exclaims "they said something about going somewhere called the mine!" as if she had no idea what this place was.

The sheriff, upon finding a bloodbath at the mine, sends home the only other cop he has, because of his anxiety you see, and instead calls upon a bunch of cons and hunters to help him hunt down this creature. That's gotta violate some sort of union clause I would think. This posse is not real great though, because when a bunch of youngsters, including the cops hot little sister, the sheriffs son, and the youngest of the Asian family, head towards the mine to have a little sex party, they pass right by one of the guys whose entire attempt at stopping them consists of yelling "hey, that's private property", and then he keeps walking.

The ridiculousness just keeps piling on as we get plot points like the cop, knowing his little sister and a bunch of other kids are in trouble, instead of heading right out there, stops to try and convince the coroner/therapist to drive out there with him to calm his nerves. The cowboy gold dealer wanting to trap the monster because it bleeds gold, thus it can make him rich, and two of the cons from the posse finding the kids in the woods and deciding to forgo their regular raping ways and just steal their jeep.

It all leads to a final showdown in the mine where the cop has to deal with his anxiety issues to save the girl he loves from a giant 5 headed vagina monster, it's every bit as absurd as you'd imagine.

While it loses some charm in the fact that it makes no attempt to be good or make sense as a story, Heebie Jeebies is still a fair amount of dumb fun with a few decent kills and a good pace.

2013 Horror Fest: Exit To Hell: 67 Out Of 100 Stars
Finally, a film I can actually recommend.

Gritty little grind house style movie that works more for it's ascetics than the actual story, although despite a bit of a letdown in that department, it still provides enough chills and thrills to get by.

Various lowlifes end up lost in a small town in the middle of nowhere in the Southwest.

The acting is solid, but the editing and fast pace of the film help hide the parts that aren't. Kane Hodder, the original Jason from Friday The 13th plays the physically imposing Sheriff who has a rather delicious way of dealing out justice. Tiffany Sheppis, who starred in Do Not Disturb, is once again really solid, and this time she's topless too, a double threat.

There's a good amount of fun, gore and nudity, and you can tell everyone involved in making this thing had a good time. My only complaint would be that there are a few too many characters that at times keep the story from being neater than it should. Hodders character particularly, along with his wife and kid, are marvelous, but have to share too much screen time during the films final 3rd with a gangster doing his best Scarface, if he were Russian.

Boobs, blood, creepy symbolism, fat kids eating people, Exit To Hell is delightfully fun.

sterlingice · 10-18-2013, 02:49 PM

Is the some sort of community service or need for a religious indulgence (if the latter, Luther cleared that up like 500 years ago) that causes you to watch these? I figure you either have the patience of a saint, a job where you can watch movies all day, or a horrible need for self flagellation.

SI

Suicane75 · 10-18-2013, 03:01 PM

I just love watching horror movies this time of year.

Julio Riddols · 10-18-2013, 04:14 PM

And whats better than a total shitbag horror film? Not a lot.

Fidatelo · 10-18-2013, 11:56 PM

We're the Miller's - 7/10

I love comedies. I love Jennifer Anniston. I love Jason Sudekis. I could be talked into give this an 8. Good fun.

08-03-2013, 02:30 AM	#5351
Izulde Head Coach Join Date: Sep 2004	Yeah it could have been much better than what it was, which is why it was frustrating. And the thing at the end actually irritated me. I mean, I know the effect it was going for, but I rolled my eyes more than anything else. Far different from Big Fish, whose ending had a good amount of emotional punch to it. __________________ 2006 Golden Scribe Nominee 2006 Golden Scribe Winner Best Non-Sport Dynasty: May Our Reign Be Green and Golden (CK Dynasty) Rookie Writer of the Year Dynasty of the Year: May Our Reign Be Green and Golden (CK Dynasty)

09-16-2013, 10:51 PM	#5361
Buccaneer Head Coach Join Date: Oct 2000 Location: Colorado	Sorry, meant Thor 2. Last edited by Buccaneer : 09-16-2013 at 10:52 PM.

09-30-2013, 09:18 AM	#5366
ISiddiqui Hall Of Famer Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: Decatur, GA	That's funny, because I really actually liked The Spectacular Now a LOT and thought it had a very clear message by the end. I liked how realistic the romance was and they didn't go to clear cliches in a lot of teen movies. I'd give it an 8/10 myself. __________________ "A prayer for the wild at heart, kept in cages" -Tennessee Williams

10-02-2013, 08:36 AM	#5369
sterlingice Hall Of Famer Join Date: Apr 2002 Location: Back in Houston!	Does it count if I liked Iron Man 1 and haven't seen Iron Man 3? SI __________________ Houston Hippopotami, III.3: 20th Anniversary Thread - All former HT players are encouraged to check it out! Janos: "Only America could produce an imbecile of your caliber!" Freakazoid: "That's because we make lots of things better than other people!"

10-04-2013, 03:16 PM	#5372
ISiddiqui Hall Of Famer Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: Decatur, GA	The Great Gatsby - 3/10: This movie was so horrid. The only reason it gets a 3 is how pretty it looked. The casting was good as well. The screenplay was ridiculously bad. Especially the framing device of the psych hospital and the giving away the entire plot early in the movie, rather than it being a shocking reveal closer to the end of the book. __________________ "A prayer for the wild at heart, kept in cages" -Tennessee Williams

08-03-2013, 07:51 AM	#5353
bob College Starter Join Date: Oct 2004	Watched Argo last night. Didn't know much of the real story prior to reading up after the movie. I understand making it more dramatic, but wish they stuck closer to the real events.

08-04-2013, 01:09 PM	#5355
korme Go Reds Join Date: May 2001 Location: Bloodbuzz Ohio	Just saw Fruitvale. Waterworks.

09-16-2013, 06:53 PM	#5357
Buccaneer Head Coach Join Date: Oct 2000 Location: Colorado	I've gotten a chance to catch up on Marvel's Avengers movies and was surprised at my reactions, despite not being a comic fan at all. I saw was The Avengers when it came out on DVD. I liked that movie quite a bit but apart from seeing Iron Man 1 and 2, I did not see the prequels of the other three characters, nor did I know much about them at all except what I saw in the Avengers. After watching them, I had to go back several times to re-watch the Avengers because those explained a lot. Kind of wished I had seen them in the right order. Anyway, here are my rankings: 1. Thor - This one really hit home for me, don't know exactly why - probably because of the timeless Shakespearan story. I thought the acting in Thor was, imo, significantly better than in any of the other Marvel movies. But this was the one movie that filled in the biggest gaps for me with Avengers. 2. Iron Man - Being a non-comic fan, this was the least comicy of all of them (except for the cheesy final battle scene). 3. Avengers - This was my first exposure to the characters except those in Iron Man 1/2. Hated the Transformers-like city battle but the interplay between all of the characters was fun to watch, in battle and out. 4. Captain America - Now I know where the Tesseract came from and why Steve Rogers was a man out of time. A really likable character, one that you were rooting for the whole way. 5. Iron Man 2 - Again, did not like the Transformers-like battle (nor the Cheadle character) but being a fan of Mickey Rourke, I really liked Vanko. Hammer was great too in a dorky kind of way. 6. Incredible Hulk - Not a bad movie but I never liked Edward Norton, not a fan of him at all. All the while I was watching this last night, I kept thinking how awesome Mark Ruffalo would have been instead of Norton. Ruffalo was easily the best actor/character in the Avengers, imo. Hulk had the stupidest villian, though. I am looking forward to seeing Iron Man 3, heard it was awesome. And I know Thor is coming out soon, the trailers look great.

09-16-2013, 07:19 PM	#5358
rowech Pro Starter Join Date: Feb 2006	Ted (5/10) -- got some laughs but overall nothing special. Olympus Has Fallen (6/10) -- liked it the first time I saw it when it was called Die Hard.

09-16-2013, 07:41 PM	#5359
Suicane75 Coordinator Join Date: Sep 2003 Location: NJ	Olympus Has Fallen: 0 Out Of 100 Stars A movie as preposterous as it is lazy, and to be honest, an insult to the people who lived through 9/11. Olympus Has Fallen is a cheap and stupid movie whose only bright spots are the 4 or 5 times you'll laugh at how serious it tries to take itself, other than that it's a fucking rape of your senses. The movie seems to take delight in recreating images of 9/11. A plane attacks the White House and flies by office buildings as we get the not so subtle reaction shots of the people inside those buildings. The Washington Monument crumbles to the ground after the plane crashes into it. Just real desperate, predatory, hack visuals. I'm not sure I've ever been so insulted by a movie before. It seems to take delight in praying on real emotions and fears of an America under attack, and surround that with cut and paste drama, with some one liners sprinkled in. It's a fucking atrocious movie, made by idiots, and everyone who's in it, from Morgan Freeman, Melissa Leo and Angela Basset, should be ashamed of themselves. This is not Die Hard in the White House, this is not a fun action movie. This is a soulless, craftless piece of shit.

09-16-2013, 10:57 PM	#5362
Dutch "Dutch" Join Date: Oct 2000 Location: Tampa, FL	Just messin' with ya.

09-28-2013, 08:05 PM	#5364
rowech Pro Starter Join Date: Feb 2006	Safety Not Guaranteed (8/10) -- I had not heard of this movie but watched it because of who was in it. It's really a pretty good movie. The ending might not do it for some and I would understand why but it's really an enjoyable comedy/romance/drama.

09-28-2013, 08:19 PM	#5365
korme Go Reds Join Date: May 2001 Location: Bloodbuzz Ohio	Prisoners - Really wanted to like this movie, and I didn't. Paul Dano didn't have any room to work in his role, which was a huge disappointment. Too many plot holes. 4/10 The Spectacular Now - Struggled to find a point to this coming of age story. Another one that left me disappointed. There were some good moments, though - and, hey, Shailene Woodley. 6/10

09-30-2013, 09:24 AM	#5367
Kodos Resident Alien Join Date: Jun 2001	World War Z - 6.5 of 10 - Damn fast zombies. Okay as an action movie, poor as a zombie movie.

10-02-2013, 08:29 AM	#5368
Buccaneer Head Coach Join Date: Oct 2000 Location: Colorado	Am I the only one who really like Iron Man 1 but did not like Iron Man 3 much at all?

10-02-2013, 09:43 AM	#5370
korme Go Reds Join Date: May 2001 Location: Bloodbuzz Ohio	DON JON - Writer/Director Joseph Gordon-Levitt brings to light the porno-verse that we live in. He's a guido who, while scores many a hot random, is struggling to connect with a woman, preferring his one solo-go as a connection over the random ladies that share his bed. Throughout the movie he comes he strives to figure out what his real life encounters are missing. It was funny, and a bold take on life in the 21st century. I enjoyed it for the most part. 8/10

10-04-2013, 04:23 PM	#5374
ISiddiqui Hall Of Famer Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: Decatur, GA	Even though they told you everything about Gatsby and Daisy less than hour into it? In the book that wasn't revealed until the last few pages - it was kind of a great twist. The book just decided to give it all away. __________________ "A prayer for the wild at heart, kept in cages" -Tennessee Williams

10-04-2013, 06:59 PM	#5375
Julio Riddols College Prospect Join Date: Feb 2001 Location: Bryson Shitty, NC	The Heat 7/10 - Melissa McCarthy is hilarious. This movie is a great light comedy with action elements, nothing special.. But if you like her style of humor, she is at her best in this. This is the End 8/10 - This 8 is almost entirely for Michael Cera and his short work in the film as a coked up wild ass version of himself. He was hilarious. I thought other than that it was a nice little tongue in cheek comedy with a satisfying ending. Resolution 7/10 - Nice little indie. Slow burn psychological horror flick with some decent smarts. A guy tries to get his friend off meth by chaining him to a wall in an abandoned house and forcing him to detoxify, but the place where the house is located has a mysterious secret. Deceptive Practice (Ricky Jay documentary) - 8/10 - I thought this was outstanding as a look into the history of sleight of hand and the people who are responsible for a little bit of Ricky Jay's incredible skills. I only wish more had been shown as far as the actual tricks themselves. Some of the stuff he and his mentors do is pretty amazing. Lovelace - 9/10 - Really well made film depicting the life of Linda Lovelace from what seemed like a pretty neutral point of view. I think the acting was fantastic as well, and overall it tells a pretty engrossing story even if you already know a little bit of it. __________________ Recklessly enthused, stubbornly amused. FUCK EA Last edited by Julio Riddols : 10-04-2013 at 07:00 PM.

10-04-2013, 10:03 PM	#5376
ISiddiqui Hall Of Famer Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: Decatur, GA	Iron Man 3 - 6/10: I wasn't feeling this superhero movie. There was a lot in the middle which just seemed to draaaag. And the ending made NO sense... Spoiler If you can remotely control all those Iron Men - why not use them EARLIER?! Also - you just had a huge Avengers movie. Are you telling me that Captain America isn't going to care about a terrorism plot on American soil? How about kidnapping the President? Really? I know its an Iron Man movie, but c'mon! __________________ "A prayer for the wild at heart, kept in cages" -Tennessee Williams Last edited by ISiddiqui : 10-04-2013 at 10:13 PM.

10-04-2013, 10:12 PM	#5377
Groundhog Coordinator Join Date: Dec 2003 Location: Sydney, Australia	The Great Gatsby - 3/10 Great it was not. This is the End - 6/10 If my power had died 30 minutes into the movie and I was to grade it, it would've been a 9. As soon as the non-starring celebs (Cera in particular) are out of the picture, it got a bit lame IMO. The World's End - 9/10 Fantastic. Disconnected - 7.5/10 A quirky little movie this one. Had no idea what it was about going in, but ended up enjoying it. __________________ Politics, n. Strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles. --Ambrose Bierce

10-05-2013, 04:19 AM	#5378
Karlifornia Grizzled Veteran Join Date: Oct 2000 Location: San Jose, CA	We Need To Talk About Kevin- 3/10 An exercise in masochism for both Kevin's mother and the viewer. Virtually no laughs, no heart, just cruelty without any answers. I feel worse because renting it was my idea __________________ Look into the mind of a crazy man (NSFW) http://www.whitepowerupdate.wordpress.com

10-05-2013, 01:30 PM	#5380
Autumn Head Coach Join Date: Feb 2003 Location: Bath, ME	I haven't seen the movie, but I read the book last year I think. You're right that the backstory isn't a last page reveal, but it's certainly in the last third of the book. It's something that is teased out during the story--that's kind of the deal, the slow unraveling of Gatsby's stories, first the ones other tell, then his about himself, then the truth.

10-05-2013, 07:45 PM	#5381
ISiddiqui Hall Of Famer Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: Decatur, GA	Last few pages may have been a slight hyperbole, but yeah, it's in the last part of the book. For most of the book, you are with Nick, trying to figure out what in the world does Gatsby want with Daisy and what of his history is actually true. __________________ "A prayer for the wild at heart, kept in cages" -Tennessee Williams

10-05-2013, 07:55 PM	#5382
ISiddiqui Hall Of Famer Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: Decatur, GA	Gravity [in IMAX 3D] 10/10: This was a FANTASTIC movie experience. The story was wonderfully done - straightforward, simple (in a good way), and powerful. Long shots involving very little dialogue can actually add to the suspense - you don't have to fill every minute with noise. Add to that some absolutely amazing visuals. The 3D was perfectly done - nothing jumping out at you, but adding wonderful depth. And the space sky was awe inspiring (esp on IMAX). GO SEE IT (IMAX 3D if you can)!! __________________ "A prayer for the wild at heart, kept in cages" -Tennessee Williams

10-05-2013, 08:31 PM	#5383
Peregrine Pro Starter Join Date: Oct 2001 Location: Cary, NC	I watched Gravity today (in normal 3D) and myself and my friends were stunned by it - so tremendously good. I can't wait to see it on IMAX soon as well.

10-05-2013, 09:08 PM	#5384
Dutch "Dutch" Join Date: Oct 2000 Location: Tampa, FL	Captain Phillips - 10/10 Holy crap....Tom Hanks outdoes himself in this recreation of a true story. As a vet, I can appreciate the work of the US Navy and the Seals...as a civilian, I can appreciate the terror of the cargo ship crew. A true masterpiece.

10-07-2013, 10:43 AM	#5385
Chief Rum Hall Of Famer Join Date: Oct 2000 Location: Where Hip Hop lives	Gravity was awesome. __________________ . . I would rather be wrong...Than live in the shadows of your song...My mind is open wide...And now I'm ready to start...You're not sure...You open the door...And step out into the dark...Now I'm ready.

10-14-2013, 05:57 AM	#5386
Suicane75 Coordinator Join Date: Sep 2003 Location: NJ	Hayride: 5 Out Of 100 Stars Spoiler Oh Dear, Horror Fest 2013 is not starting out so great. Here we have a movie starring the great Richard Tyson about a killer on the loose during a haunted hayride. The premise almost gave me an erection. And then I watched it. Hoo boy, where do I begin. Firstly, this project appears to have a budget somewhere between none and pizzas and beer at the wrap party. I'd bet my left nut that a few peoples credit cards were maxed out to pay Richard Tysons salary. But good for him, he deserves the money more than these idiots do. The cameras being used are slightly above home video caliber, so there's that to deal with. Then the editing is choppy and stilted and the sound tends to drop in and out depending on who is talking. But this all technical shit and even a really bad technical movie can overcome those faults, just not this doozy. So a dude returns to his Uncles farm, where he grew up, with his girlfriend in tow. Tyson plays the Uncle, who every year runs a haunted hayride with friends and family. Let me back up, before we're introduced to any of these characters we're treated to an opening where a guy who has slaughtered a number of women, is being transported to jail. The cop car that he's in goes off the road somehow (we're never shown the crash, that would cost money), allowing the lunatic to escape. Now we meet the rest of the cast. So Tyson and his nephew and a bunch of other characters talk, and talk, and talk and talk and reminisce and Tyson tells the story of one of the characters in his Hayride and we're treated to flash backs or fantasy sequences about someone who lived around here who went nuts when his daughter skipped town with her boyfriend. The guy went so looney that he went from house to house wearing a sack on his head and killing people with a pitchfork or some shit, I dunno, there's so much story and myth here that I'm sure sounded good to the writers when they were sitting around stoned trying to come up with an idea for a movie. So yeah, the character in the hayride is named Pitchfork, and he wears a sack on his head. Now the escaped lunatic has stumbled onto the farm and of course the first thing he does is find the outfit for Pitchfork. Why he would see a burlap sack sitting around and decide to wear it is beyond me, but hey, he's the lunatic. Now, then, if we just focused on the farm and the hayride and the killer, the movie would still suck, but maybe it wouldn't suck so bad. But no, instead we're treated to lots of scenes with cops chasing the escaped lunatic. Except like I said, there's no budget, so we don't see a manhunt, see two cops talking about a manhunt. And talking, and talking, and sleeping in their car, for what reason I don't know. The acting and the cinematography are all pretty damn bad, but more than that it's the endless narrative. This film would make a great book on tape. When we finally see cops, they all look to be about 20 years old, with various words on their shirts like "sheriff" and "police" and they all seem like their costumes were bought at goodwill. They too, are deficient in their acting skills. When they think they have the lunatic cornered, coincidentally at the same house that Pitchfork used to live in, they raid it while the two lead cops stand outside and do some more talking. They think they're close so they talk some more about road blocks and they talk some more about this and they talk some more about that. Jesus Christ this movie is going to great lengths to not do anything. So back at the hayride, Tyson gives a prep talk and we're treated to a few scenes of mild fun as we see the hayride in action, but again, the amount of space they have to work with is so limited that it just comes off looking cheesy. With a killer on the loose you might think that some good kills would liven this dud up, but no, the kills are really bad. I'm talking, reallllly bad. We see a guy push a pitchfork toward someone laying on the ground and we see him holding the pitchfork on his neck and shaking. The kills are shit and the gore is non existent. Sweet lord this damn thing is so bad. Those teenage cops are moving through the woods wearing black shirts and khakis, so they sort of look like cops. They must be right out of the academy because when the 5 of them are confronted by pitchfork in an area roughly the size of my living room, and despite all having guns at the ready, well I don't want to spoil it. Back at the hayride, people are missing so Tyson convenes everyone in the same spot where he gave his speech before the ride began and gives another speech. I want to note that the one place in this film where people should seem excited and boisterous, on the actual hayride, we get interminable shots of people standing around saying nothing waiting to get on the ride, and interminable shots of people sitting on the ride, doing nothing, just looking around into the night. So this grand haunted hayride seems to have served about 16 people throughout the night, and now more people are disappearing and turning up dead, and Tyson and Pitchfork have a showdown in a scene that is about as awful a fight scene as I've ever seen, legit. Meanwhile we see people on the hayride struggle to run. A lot of people have a hard time running in this movie. So Pitchfork, despite killing everyone he's come in contact with so far, decides to kidnap the girlfriend of the Nephew. Perhaps he's seen the movie and knows those are the central characters. This of course leads to the Nephew chasing down Pitchfork and engaging in what I believe the script might describe as an action scene, it would be wrong. I mean, the level of film making here is so beyond amateur. I'm fairly convinced the people making this had never held a camera or done any film editing prior to shooting this......movie? Ok ok ok, so the guy and his girlfriend succeed in killing Pitchfork, then they huddle on the ground and laugh and giggle about what a night it's been, like they left their keys in the car or something. Then she says she's pregnant and he giggles and says "even after all this, that's still terrifying". And they laugh. And I don't know what the fuck I'm watching. The cops show up at the end and do some more talking, wrapping the story up just in case the viewers have been slamming their heads against a wall for the past 90 minutes and haven't been paying attention. We get a nice concerto that plays over a montage of body bags being zipped up and actors acting like they're upset, albeit badly. And lastly we get a twist that not a person watching could give a fuck about. If you want to watch the results of what happens when a bunch of people with no film making ability, come up with a bad story and enough money to hire Richard Tyson to be in their film, but have no idea how to actually make one, then this is the baby for you. I normally love movies this bad and have no problem recommending them, the problem here is that the actual technical aspects are as absurdly bad as the story is, making it very hard to watch or enjoy on any level. Jamming an actual pitchfork into your balls might be a more enjoyable way to spend an evening. Tagged for long ass review and spoilers.

10-14-2013, 06:10 AM	#5387
Izulde Head Coach Join Date: Sep 2004	I haven't seen the latest film adaptation of Gatsby yet. Wanted to see it in theatres but didn't get a chance to. Judging from the reviews in this thread, that's probably a good thing. I'll still watch it at some point, though, and see how I feel about it. __________________ 2006 Golden Scribe Nominee 2006 Golden Scribe Winner Best Non-Sport Dynasty: May Our Reign Be Green and Golden (CK Dynasty) Rookie Writer of the Year Dynasty of the Year: May Our Reign Be Green and Golden (CK Dynasty)

10-15-2013, 11:45 AM	#5390
Suicane75 Coordinator Join Date: Sep 2003 Location: NJ	Detention Of The Dead: 40 Out Of 100 Stars Weird film that is really well made, and full of great gore and kills, but whose story is too teen centric for my tastes. It plays like an ABC Family movie with an R rating. A group of kids are in detention when a zombie outbreak occurs, how or why is any ones guess, but the movie wastes no time in setting up it's premise. It only takes about 5 minutes before we're full steam into it, and I appreciate that. All the actors are good, but the story is a bit all over the place, at times after school special, at times a satire of after school specials, it fluctuates way too much and tends to drag. But there are a lot of funny jokes and as I said earlier, the gore is top notch. My guess is that the younger you are, the more you'll like this movie, and while I wouldn't recommend it anyone my age or with my sensibilities, I can see how some people could enjoy it. 9 Days Whipped Tortured And Chained By A Psychopath: 43 Out Of 100 Stars Low budget psychological thriller about a dude who kidnaps a runaway and.....well the title pretty much says it all. The first 10 minutes of the movie are both silly and technically horrid, every scene in which the two leads are not in the same shot, and thus needs to be edited to make the conversation flow, are pretty bad. Fortunately, as I said, that's mostly just the first 10 minutes. The male lead is really strong, and the material he has to work with isn't awful, although it's not nearly fleshed out enough to really make you care all that much about the victim, but it did keep me from turning the movie off, which says a lot considering how it starts. The girl who plays the victim isn't as strong an actor, although she is willing to be quite naked for a lot of the movie. She's not that attractive but she does have a kicking body. There's not much meat to the movie, and I didn't care much whether the girl lived or died at the end but I was never quite bored, so that's a positive. The lead and the ambiance are good, but in the end I just can't recommend it, the set up is too cheesy, the motivations are never quite clear beyond "he's crazy", and the tension levels just aren't high enough, but it gets an A for effort. The Demented: 30 Out Of 100 Stars Pedantic, rather by the numbers zombie chase fest that has a pretty cool set up but fails to deliver much more than the typical zombie movie tropes with no real heart, no real investment in the characters and takes itself way more seriously than it should. 3 pairs of college age couples converge on the summer house of one of the dudes fathers for nice weekend when a missile attack occurs somewhere in the bayou. The missiles, for whatever reason, set off a zombie plague and away we go. The actors are all good enough and the women look good, although despite some early tease there's no skin or frolicking to be had. The movie itself also looks good and everything is top notch from a technical aspect but there's just nothing here that hasn't been done a thousand times before. At the end of the day, The Demented offers nothing new, while not being bad enough to enjoy in any sort of kitsch way. It's just boring. Gnaw: 28 Out Of 100 I'll give Gnaw one thing, it sure is gross. British slasher film that sends a group of youngsters out into the middle of the countryside for a weekend retreat. Everything about it is fine enough I suppose but besides the copious gore it doesn't really draw you in at all. There's a story involving a girl who might be pregnant and the loser who has a thing for her but other than that, most of the characters are shallow dicks so you aren't really assed with what happens to them and there isn't much in the way of drama. Uninspired and uninspiring, with no sex or nudity, Gnaw just eats way for 90 minutes but doesn't have much flavor. Bloody Homecoming: 44 Out Of 100 Stars Another awful movie, but at least this one was enjoyably awful. Low budget, but made well enough for it not to be a distraction, Bloody Homecoming is the story of a boy who is killed by a fire when he's locked in a closet by a group of Freshman on Prom Night after he tries to rape one of them. 4 years later, again on prom night, someone is looking for revenge. Your typical slash and chase film, Bloody Homecoming is elevated to watchable by a cadre of bad performances, including a principal who waddles about and believes constantly bellowing your lines is a serviceable acting technique. Then we have a dude who looks like Morton Downey shrunk down to 8th grade size, trying to play a high school senior, who has some of the best reaction shots I've ever seen. The movies biggest flaw is actually a complete lack of extras. There are scenes, mainly the prom scene, where there are like, 10 other people in the room, all bunched together. There's a particularly chubby lass who is seen over and over again always standing with the same two other people. The cheerleaders, all 4 of them, gather near a tree to practice. The big football game, taking place prior to the prom, is heard, but not seen. That's OK though, because we're only introduced to one football player throughout the entire movie. We're introduced to the football coach near the end of the movie who has a bizarre exchange with a teacher about the one time they had sex in which both actors play it like it's a crucial point of the story, when in fact it just happens out of nowhere and is never touched on again, just awesome. There's a great scene involving the principal and the father of the boy who died, who also happens to be the sheriff, in which I was sure at least one of the actors was going to pop a blood vessel. Here's the thing, if you don't have the manpower to do it, why the fuck are you setting this thing in the middle of a prom? The killer and the kids all seem to exist in a vacuum of their own during the prom, nobody else pays attention to them, nobody suspects anything, the hallways are empty, there are like 3 teachers manning a table with one punch bowl. It's absolutely impossible to get invested in any of it. The acting ranges from decent to awful, the gore and the kills are about in the same range. There's a scene of random nudity and a some sex, but nothing titillating. The twist at the end and the actual fight scenes are bad, but funny bad. The showdown between the students and the killer is played super serious, which makes it so very amusing. So yeah, Bloody Homecoming tries, but everything about it is just too lacking to overcome the abundant silliness. Still, if silly sounds like fun, you could do worse. Dracula Reborn: 39 Out Of 100 Stars Have you ever said to yourself, "Ya know, I really like skinemax movies, I just wish they didn't have all that nudity and sex". Well you're in luck. The first hour or so moves slower than a sumo marathon as we're introduced to a realty agent who sells an old building to a creepy dude. That creepy dude is of course Dracula, who takes a liking to the agents wife. As I said, the set up takes what feels like forever, the actors are fine enough but none of them have much presence at all, especially the wife, who isn't in any way sexy, alluring, captivating, or any of the things the script treats her as. Just like your basic skinemax movie, all the scenes that are supposed to be in offices, either a doctors office or the agents office, look more like the corner of someones living room. The script itself is extremely basic and doesn't do much at with the Dracula myth except retell it rather blandly. Once the movie "picks up", in the last half hour or so, we're at least treated some over the top acting that will illicit a chuckle, especially with the introduction of the Van Helsing character, who looks like he just wandered in off the set of a Durango commercial. There is some tease of decent drama and action near the end, but it gets overshadowed by the bad acting and pedestrian script. At times bad enough for a chuckle, but never good enough to actually care much about, Dracula Reborn is just fang less.

10-15-2013, 01:05 PM	#5392
Suicane75 Coordinator Join Date: Sep 2003 Location: NJ	Oh heavens no, Up All Night was teenage sex comedies. And honestly, probably pushed the boundaries for it's time. It left in as much skin as possible.

10-15-2013, 01:12 PM	#5393
chadritt High School Varsity Join Date: Jul 2002 Location: Los Angeles, CA	Finally saw Gravity. Absolutely a 10/10. One of the few live action movies where Ive really loved the 3d.

10-15-2013, 01:44 PM	#5395
Kodos Resident Alien Join Date: Jun 2001	Gravity had a lot of moments where suspension of disbelief was difficult, but overall, it was a very good movie.

10-18-2013, 02:46 PM	#5396
Suicane75 Coordinator Join Date: Sep 2003 Location: NJ	Deranged: 39 Out Of 100 Stars Fascinating train wreck about 4 woman who convene on a vacation house for a weekend to celebrate the impending nuptials of one of them. The cast is eclectic, the lead is Brazilian although I was sure she was Asian till about halfway through the movie. I believe there 2 Australians and 1 Scottish girl, although she may be Australian too. Anyhoo, the lead, the Brazilian, is about a 7/10 on the Wiseau scale. I'm assuming she's a horrible actress, but perhaps it's just that her English is horrible. At times it appears she's just trying to make the correct words, forgetting entirely about what emotion she's supposed to be conveying. So yeah, the lead is a joy to watch, unfortunately she's not around for a good stretch of the film, leaving the other 3 girls, all pretty bad in their own right, to run around and not do much of anything. The script is pretty awful as they all have their stock personality traits, and interact with each other as if they've just met for the first time when they're supposed to be longtime friends, even though it appears as if they don't like each other much at all. There are a few promising moments where you think some action might break out but inevitably they end up doing more talking about doing stuff than actually doing stuff. There's a fine set of breasts on display at one point, but that's about it, because why get 4 attractive women who can't act, to star in your movie if you don't want them to get naked either. Enough hot chicks, bad acting and sexy accents to at least keep you interested up to a certain point, but The Deranged doesn't offer much more. Nothing Left To Fear: 44 Out Of 100 Stars A better story than movie, produced by Guns 'N' Roses Slash, Nothing Left To Fear is the story of a pastor, his wife, and their 3 kids, who move to a quiet little country town under the auspice of taking over the Pastorship, unfortunately the towns folk have much more sinister motives. Anne Heche gets top billing but her entire role seems to be delivering background momisms, "clean your room, haha", "Don't eat all those cookies, haha". She may be drunk. At 1:40 minutes the film is way too long, 20-25 minutes less would have helped greatly. As it is, the pacing is pretty interminable, especially in the 2nd half of the film when shit starts going down. There are times when shit happens for no good reason other than just to prolong things. When the girl begs the guy to stop the car, and he does, only for them both to get out and him implore her to get back in the car, you kind of wanna kick your TV a little. Rebekah Brandes, playing the older sister, is the real star of the film. She's got a good presence and she looks quite fetching in her tights jeans and tank top. The rest of the cast is serviceable, although the acting of the younger brother becomes quite an irritation near the end of the movie. The effects are solid, and the gore is pretty decent if a little tame. Brandes is very sultry but there's no nudity. The pacing is a major issue but the film looks good. Nothing Left To Fear is a decent story, buried in a movie that at once, takes too long to tell it, and doesn't flesh it out enough. You'll get drawn into the set up, but ultimately be let down. Do Not Disturb: 30 Out Of 100 Stars Laughably ponderous, cheaply made film that plays more like something for the stage, maybe off off off off off Broadway, like in the Hudson. The lead looks and acts like a mix of Roddy Piper and every male porn star you never enjoyed watching, with a dash of autism thrown in for good measure. Anyway, he's supposed to be a fairly famous writer who is holed up on skid row doing bad things to bad stereotypes. The script is really bad and often contradicts itself while having no desire to explain any ones motivations. Tiffany Sheppis plays the agent of the writer, who, while having shit material to work with, really does a good job at trying to act like she's in a better movie. Claustrophobicly shot, and way more in to it's own story than you'll ever be, Do Not Disturb is more like a warning than an advertisement. Heebie Jeebies: 58 Out Of 100 Stars Set in the town of Golderton, yes Golderton. This Sci-Fiesque film is about a monster that has been trapped in an abandoned gold mine for over a century, but when new attempts at excavation set him free, watch out Golderton. The monster, badly CGI'd, looks like a giant vagina with teeth, legs, and five heads. I don't know whether to award points for originality, or subtract points for absurdity. The cast is rather large, but filled with the only people in town who do anything. There's the round, boisterous, ready to have a heart attack in every scene, cowboy gold dealer, whose messing with the mine unleashes the beast. We have two cops, one of whom has a panic attack every time he gets nervous, which goes from being silly to annoying in very little time. We have an attractive Asian girl, who provides a twofer as the town coroner AND relaxation therapist, helping out our troubled cop. Then we have the younger siblings of all the characters, just because teenagers, why not. Oh, and Marion Ross has a brief appearance as a crotchety old lady. Nothing like seeing a giant vagina dismember Mrs. Cunningham. So the creature escapes and starts dishing out some murder, while the anxiety ridden cop is given a history lesson by the grandmother of the Asian coroner, at least I think it's her grandmother, they never bother to let us know. There's 3 generations of Asian women all living in the same house but they all call each other by their first names so maybe the script just didn't get that far. Anyhoo, she explains that many years ago the mine collapsed, and instead of helping the men they just moved on to a different part of the cave and started blasting there, leaving the 5 men to die. Then the wife of one of the men put a curse on or something, and voila, monster. The monster is a manifestation of the mens fears, and it uses that fear to paralyze it's victims before devouring it, which is not good news at all for our already jittery cop. So after telling this long, insane, intensive story, when the old lady and the cop realize the kids have snuck out, she exclaims "they said something about going somewhere called the mine!" as if she had no idea what this place was. The sheriff, upon finding a bloodbath at the mine, sends home the only other cop he has, because of his anxiety you see, and instead calls upon a bunch of cons and hunters to help him hunt down this creature. That's gotta violate some sort of union clause I would think. This posse is not real great though, because when a bunch of youngsters, including the cops hot little sister, the sheriffs son, and the youngest of the Asian family, head towards the mine to have a little sex party, they pass right by one of the guys whose entire attempt at stopping them consists of yelling "hey, that's private property", and then he keeps walking. The ridiculousness just keeps piling on as we get plot points like the cop, knowing his little sister and a bunch of other kids are in trouble, instead of heading right out there, stops to try and convince the coroner/therapist to drive out there with him to calm his nerves. The cowboy gold dealer wanting to trap the monster because it bleeds gold, thus it can make him rich, and two of the cons from the posse finding the kids in the woods and deciding to forgo their regular raping ways and just steal their jeep. It all leads to a final showdown in the mine where the cop has to deal with his anxiety issues to save the girl he loves from a giant 5 headed vagina monster, it's every bit as absurd as you'd imagine. While it loses some charm in the fact that it makes no attempt to be good or make sense as a story, Heebie Jeebies is still a fair amount of dumb fun with a few decent kills and a good pace. 2013 Horror Fest: Exit To Hell: 67 Out Of 100 Stars Finally, a film I can actually recommend. Gritty little grind house style movie that works more for it's ascetics than the actual story, although despite a bit of a letdown in that department, it still provides enough chills and thrills to get by. Various lowlifes end up lost in a small town in the middle of nowhere in the Southwest. The acting is solid, but the editing and fast pace of the film help hide the parts that aren't. Kane Hodder, the original Jason from Friday The 13th plays the physically imposing Sheriff who has a rather delicious way of dealing out justice. Tiffany Sheppis, who starred in Do Not Disturb, is once again really solid, and this time she's topless too, a double threat. There's a good amount of fun, gore and nudity, and you can tell everyone involved in making this thing had a good time. My only complaint would be that there are a few too many characters that at times keep the story from being neater than it should. Hodders character particularly, along with his wife and kid, are marvelous, but have to share too much screen time during the films final 3rd with a gangster doing his best Scarface, if he were Russian. Boobs, blood, creepy symbolism, fat kids eating people, Exit To Hell is delightfully fun.

10-18-2013, 02:49 PM	#5397
sterlingice Hall Of Famer Join Date: Apr 2002 Location: Back in Houston!	Is the some sort of community service or need for a religious indulgence (if the latter, Luther cleared that up like 500 years ago) that causes you to watch these? I figure you either have the patience of a saint, a job where you can watch movies all day, or a horrible need for self flagellation. SI __________________ Houston Hippopotami, III.3: 20th Anniversary Thread - All former HT players are encouraged to check it out! Janos: "Only America could produce an imbecile of your caliber!" Freakazoid: "That's because we make lots of things better than other people!"