Rate The Last Movie You Watched

[Suicane75]

Pray For Dawn 16 Out Of 100 Stars
Movies like this intrigue the fuck out of me. How did they get made? Who are the people making them? Why do they get made? What do the people involved, from those working the cameras, to those writing the script, to those putting up the money, think they're accomplishing?

The story of a Senators daughter who has run away from home to be a hooker but gets kidnapped by a psycho and forced to endure.......well to be honest, listening to her scream in broken English for the whole movie, it almost feels like to the torturer is getting the worst of it.

So here's what I'm wondering. Whoever made this shit obviously knew they had no money. Yet they still decided to make it a story about A United States Congressman. "We'll put one of those signs outside the house he lives in that say So And So For Congress, that will make it seem real!" Then to top it off, the exterior they use is of a random house on a random block that looks at much like a Senators house as it does the Queen Of England's.

So the Congressmans daughter runs away from home to be a hooker and promptly gets kidnapped. This girl. Let me tell you about this girl. She speaks with a heavy South American accent. This is explained away in a scene where her Father explains that she was born in Mexico and raised in Venezuela when he was ambassador there. It might explain the accent, but it doesn't explain why the hell her English is a broken mess. But who cares, it's important this movie be made. She yells "fuck" a lot, she gets tortured, if that's what you want to call it. Mostly she's just put in a room. The room she's in is tiny, most of the sets in the movie are small and very tightly shot. Anyway, the room she's in is brick covered in blankets, there's a scene in the film in which she tries to escape and takes about 10 days cutting through the blanket only to discover the brick wall. I had no idea what was happening there. There are other scenes where she does stuff, but it's so badly shot you can't tell what's going on. At one point she's either putting scrapings from the wall she's trying to dig through, or food, in the toilet. Problem is that the toilet is just a bucket with a toilet seat, so it's going anywhere, and it's not gonna stay hidden for long. As she's doing it, she's got this big blanket wrapped over her as she peeks her head out at the camera that's keeping tabs on her. She might was well stand up and say "Hey misser, I'ma hide someting in dis bucket".

So the Congressman has gone to the police but they don't have any leads, so he hires a detective. This is a brilliant scene in which the Senator, his wife, their bodyguard (he's got a black suit on, black sunglasses, and stands with his arms crossed in front of him, so you know he's a bodyguard) meet with the detective. The acting here is glorious, the Senator is tough, the wife is crying, the detective is inquisitive, and it's all so bloody awful. The premise is ridiculous, the acting is dreadful, the script seems to be cut and paste from various NYPD Blue episodes.

Did your daughter use drugs? He asked with a blank look on his face.

Has she ever threatened to run away from home? He asks, looking like he's dreaming of a meatball parm.

At one point our heroin attempts to commit suicide by hanging herself with a strand of torn sheet. So she sits on the bed, which is a normal sized bed, puts one end of the sheet on something on the ceiling, and then sits on the edge of the bed. Now I'm no Alfred Einstein, but the physics here don't make much sense at all.

There's a twist, but not really, because you see it coming a mile away. The narrative is so confused, it's a moral tale about how kids should do what their parents say and listen to them and yadda yadda, but it's not playing to kids. So, I don't know. I just don't know.

Anyway the movie wraps up by having the torturer explain everything he's done, then they show flashbacks of everything he's done, and this music plays over top of the montage that tries to make it look like there's some Usual Suspects level of kick ass reveal going on here. My lord.

A cheaply made, cheap looking, badly acted movie whose entire target audience seems to be the crew involved in making it. Pray For Dawn had me praying for credits.



Deadly Detour: 23 Out Of 100 Stars
Maniac Films, which I imagine is headquartered in someones bedroom, presents Deadly Detour. The budget is clearly low, but at least there's some effort, the problem is that it's really hard to do much with a cast that seems like it's been plucked out of an ICP concert.

The film starts out on a blind date that is pretty much just a dude parking his car in what is supposed to be the middle of nowhere, to get with this girl. The editing and acting are what you'd expect. Something bad happens to the couple and we get some gore that looks good, but is way overdone. Look at how much intestines we made!

So with that out of the way, we get to the cruxt of our story, as it were. 2 groups of people, and I use the term loosely, are on a road trip. Look, this is pretty much a bad student film, random things happen, like we see what is supposed to be a retarded fella in a wheelchair eating his own poop, he's shown for 3 seconds and never mentioned again. When they stop at a rest stop we see another group of people just hanging out, the two groups are never shown on screen together but they comment on each other, it's just so stilted and badly conceived.

I want to say the dialog is awful, but that would imply that I think there's an actual script, which I don't. They just say fuck and cock and shit a lot, laugh about getting high like they just discovered it, drink beer, and generally act like nobody you would ever want to be around for more than 2 minutes. Strip away every ounce of humanity in Jay and Silent Bob and you've got the cast of this lovely shit stain.

The result of what you'd imagine would happen if a bunch of 20 something stoners with no film making or acting experience decide to make a movie, Deadly Detour is more of a bad home movie than anything else.



Hatchet 3: 45 Out Of 100 Stars
Man, I really loved the first two Hatchets, so I was super pumped for this. Unfortunately it's just not that good.

It still has the winks and nods and fun kills of the first two, but there's just too much story here, story that's not very compelling at all.

The film picks up right at the end of Hatchet 2, Zack Galligan of Gremlins fame plays the local sheriff who sends a bunch of his men out to the swamp to deal with the massacre. So cops and EMT's show up and all hell breaks loose again. The kills are fun at first but eventually the barrage of tongue in cheek just gets a little nerve wracking. It's the 3rd time we've seen this stuff and it just feels like, OK, show me something different.

The dialog is the same way. It's funny at first when all the horror movie tropes are being pointed out by the cast, but it's so fucking verbose at times. We get it, we know why it's funny, we saw the first two movies. Maybe I was more irritated than I thought.

Anyway, the problem is that even when those parts of the movie are fun, they aren't focused on for very long. The main cruxt of the film is a newswoman, dead set on killing Victor Crowley, has a theory about his dads ashes and returning them to him to make his ghost killable, and it's rather insufferable. It isn't made any easier by the fact that the actress playing her is just nails on a chalkboard to listen to.

The beauty of the first Hatchet was how much fun it had with it's kills and characters, but as the franchise has progressed it's become more about the story, which was never all that interesting on it's own. It's pretty much descended at this point to a bunch of characters put on the screen who know they're gonna die. When everyone's in on the joke, what's the point of telling it?

A major letdown, Hatchet 3 still has some sparkle, but mostly it just fades.



Slasher House: 27 Out Of 100 Stars
I feel bad giving a rating this low to Slasher House. It's a competently made movie and the story may be more interesting than I'm giving it credit for, but the pacing and fact that I didn't give a single shit about any of the characters just killed it for me.

A bunch of people wake up in a house or a jail or a........I dunno what. Anyway they've all got their own story, only I didn't care. They walk, they search, it's very tightly shot, you never have any idea of the layout, it was just impossible for me to get into.

Stuff happens, but having no investment, I didn't much care. A lot of the dialog is pretty silly. It plods, there's a twist, the end. Meh.



Infection, The Invasion Begins: 38 Out Of 100 Stars
Oh my. Oh mercy me. Written, Produced and starring Bryan Brewer, Infection is a captivating hodgepodge of bad writing, bad acting and hooorrrrribbblllle effects, and yet, on some level I have to applaud this Brewer guy for achieving something. I mean, here's a movie with his name on the marquee. My god is it an awful movie, and how delusional does he have to be to think that this is good, or had any reason to be made. But still, I applaud him.

Deke returns to his hometown after 10 years in prison for murder. Nobody in town wants him there, not his mom, not the sheriff, not his old pals, nobody except his old girlfriend, who may still harbor feelings for Deke.

This dude, bless him, I know he thinks Deke is a bad ass character, and I know he thinks he can pull it off, but my lord. Couldn't anyone pull him aside and suggest doing better things with his time and money?

Looking like he just stepped off the set of Saved By The Bell, Deke gives stern looks and plays the bad ass with a cool demeanor, the kind of guy we all wanted to be when we were 12. So Deke comes back into town at the same time a meteor with a payload of cosmic tapeworms crashes in the hills across the street from the diner his old girlfriend works in.

The thing I don't get is, this dude makes this movie, putting what had to have been a great deal of effort into it, and yet just about every scene and character motivation are pretty much lifted every bad movie you've ever seen, it's just that the acting here is worse. I could write forever about the nonsensical nature of just about every scene in the movie but that would take forever, so I'll just try and hit the high points.

Deke is super cool and he's having a bad day, we're reminded of this about 10 times during the film when Deke exclaims "this is not my day".

Deke gets into a fight with 3 guys who don't want him back in town, in the middle of the fight two of the guys get attacked by the worm monsters, Deke then walks 5 feet where the Sheriff is just hanging out, oblivious to anything.

Makeout Point is where the meteor crashed, it's also a moving spot of land, because no matter where the characters in the movie are, they're 20 feet from Makeout Point.

Deke and his girlfriend get help from an old high school friend who's still doing "that science thing", as Deke so eloquently puts it. We know he's a scientist because his trailer is full of beakers and X-Rays. It's here that Deke figures out that the worms can be killed by caffeine, because the scientist has been up all night drinking coffee, and the worms didn't kill him. Magnificent.

The Deputy gives Deke his gun because........well because Deke is a bad ass, and the only guy cool enough to go and make sure there aren't any monsters out.

Deke gets injured, for the sole apparent purpose of giving Bryan an excuse to take his shirt off.

Dekes mom is such a bad actress that I legit could not tell when she was and when she wasn't infected, it's highly plausible that the actress herself had no idea.

All of the effects look to be photo shopped, and not even well. The fire is green. Fire is not green. They may be the worst effects I've ever seen.

The only thing original about the movie is the story that bookends it, set way in the future and using graphics make the original Tron look like the new Tron. And it's fucking incomprehensible, so perhaps it was better that the body of the film was cut and paste. It also threatens us with a sequel.

OK, enough of that. Listen, it's humorous yes, but it's so drawn out and redundant and not for one single moment do you care about anything happening except to laugh at it. God bless you Bryan Brewer, you've made your movie. Now please don't ever make another one.



Tasmanian Devils: 45 Out Of 100 Stars
Made for Sci-Fi and starring Danica McKellar, Tasmania Devils is not a bad movie at all. Unfortunately it suffers from a lack of really fun gore and boobs, due to being a made for TV movie. But Winnie Cooper dressed in the tightest fitting park ranger uniform they could find helps elevates things. Oh yeah, she also does a very good job as the lead in helping carry the movie.

So a bunch of 20 something base jumpers fly out to Devils Peak, or whatever it's called, that big mountain in the middle of nowhere in Australia. Amusingly, as they fly in we see nothing but rock and sand, because it's the middle of the desert. But when the first jumper jumps, he jumps right into a forest, which.....I've never base jumped, but I don't think a forest is the ideal landing ground. Anyhoo, he ends up down in a cave where the rest of the group discovers that some sort of ancient animal is on the loose.

A group of 3 park rangers, including McKellar, head out to arrest the cliff jumpers and from there it turns into a chase and kill, and hide and meet cute type of film you'd expect.

The silly parts are pretty fun, including a hideously CGI'd monster that looks more like a baby dinosaur, and a gaggle of dumb plans and schemes to escape the monsters. The dialog and the acting are more than good enough to sort of keep you into the story. And as I said earlier, Danica does fine job of carrying the film with decent acting and deliciously sweaty breasts.

Nowhere near mind numbingly insulting as a lot of Sci-Fi fare, but still silly enough, with a good cast and script that moves things along, it's not great but it's not that bad either.

[cartman]

Scenic Route - 6.5/10

Watched this last weekend at my cousin's house. Never heard of it before he brought it back from the rental place. Not a bad movie. It is almost like a play, in that nearly all of the dialog is between two characters. The movie does take an unexpected twist at the end to make you rethink what you saw.

[Suicane75]

The Beast In Heat: 70 Out Of 100 Stars
Deliciously ridiculous fare from 1977 about a sexy Nazi Lieutenant who is trying to engineer a.....sex beast? Think Herve Villachez crossed with a gorilla. When a group of Italian rebels cause too much trouble for the occupying Nazis, The Lieutenant is called in to help put them down.

We've got a lot of rape, like lots. Old ladies being shot and babies thrown up in the air for target practice. Marvelous dubbing in which the rebels all sound like they come from everywhere in the world but Italy. There's even one standout voice over that sounds more like he's defending Atlanta from the Union than Italy from the Nazis. There's a wonderful scene where one of the female rebels is undercover as the mistress of a Nazi officer and is gathering information to help the cause, she climbs on his stomach and bounces up and down in what I believe is intended to imply they are having intercourse. It looks more like she's trying to help him work out a fart. Imagine Hogans Heroes re imaged as torture porn with a dash of Benny Hill thrown in to keep the mood light.

The Lieutenant captures a group of men and we got a triple play of dong on display as she attempts to seduce information out of them by rubbing her boobs on them and biting their nipples. This sends one of the men into such a fit of lust that she has to cut his cock off. I have no idea what is going on in this particular scene, but I could watch it 100 times over.

Then we get a long stretch where it just turns into a war movie, various shootings and attacks and fighting. There's some glorious editing where when the Nazis get killed, it's old black and white stock footage from other war movies. Just fantastic. It's some spaghetti western/nazi war movie, hybrid.

Meanwhile, the Lieutenant has a bunch of rebel men and women captured and enduring some sort of torture orgy. Car batteries hooked up to to vaginas, the beast is doing some raping, men are being dunked in water with their cock and balls flopping around, rats are eating women alive. At one point the beast is so mad in heat that he starts pulling off a girls pubes and eating them. This movie is fantastic.

More horribly choreographed fight scenes occur in which the Nazis, despite being armed to the hilt and have a multiple man advantage, prefer hand to hand combat. Despite their being hundreds of Nazi soldiers, tanks and airplanes coming into the village, after one fight in which 2 Nazis are killed, the rebel leader exclaims, "those Krauts are on the retreat". Welp, I guess that's the end of the battle then.

As the film enters it's final act, the movie now transforms into The Magnificent 7 as a small group of rebels attempt to get into the Lieutenants castle and free the men and women she's torturing. There's a great moment here where one of the men throws a grenade, and we cut to stock footage film of Nazis being blown off of cobblestone steps. I've never seen a grenade thrown into a completely different movie before. Words can't express how awesome this is.

So a few of the rebels get into the torture room where the sexy lieutenant is having the beast rape one of the women, the men shoot the guards and the woman escapes. The lieutenant, who for whatever reason is only wearing a lab coat, with her boobs hanging out, is grabbed by the beast and drug into his cage where he proceeds to rape her as the rebels look on stone faced as she flails around and begs for help. The dubbing here is fantastic, it sounds like loops of a dude taking a violent dump.

A fantastic schlock fest. Part morality strewn war movie with a message, part sex romp with a genetically engineered rape monster. All of the women in the film are really pretty, and really nude. There's a good amount of silly gore and the war parts, while they go on for too long, are almost as entertaining due to the nonsensical nature of the story, editing and dubbing. Just a complete win all around.



Lords Of Salem: 32 Out Of 100 Stars
Holy crap does this movie just fall right the fuck off the cliff after a promising first act.

Written and Directed by Rob Zombie and starring his wife Sheri, Lords Of Salem is the story of a Salem DJ, played by Sheri, who receives an odd record in the mail one day. Upon playing it, weird things start to happen to her and everyone who hears it.

The movie starts off fairly strong with some really good atmosphere and a great visual style, Zombie captures the creepiness of Autumn in New England and uses it to his advantage. Sheri is understated yet convincing and the film really seems like it's going somewhere fun, but then.........I have no earthly idea.

Demonic stuff starts to happen with her landlady and the landladys two sisters, there are a ton of creepy sequences but they take you completely out of whatever the narrative is supposed to be until the film just ends with a lot of witches, and the word cunt being shoehorned in everywhere, and images that are supposed to be creepy or unsettling but just comes across as silly.

None of the secondary characters are really fleshed out enough after the first act to make you care about them all that much, although up until a point their motivations are still sort of intriguing. But the movie hits the breaking point on that with a good 40 minutes left and what we're left with is a jumbled mess of something less than entertaining.

Everything seemed to be in place for a fun movie, but ultimately Lords Of Salem just turns into a never ending hodgepodge of weirdness for weirdness sakes, that's neither scary or interesting.



An American Ghost Story: 68 Out Of 100 Stars
Frustrating movie in that the scares and the tension are magnificent, but the lead actor, charged with carrying the movie, is just not that good.

The story is simple as shit, a guy moves into a house where a family was slaughtered by the father years earlier. He plans on writing a book about the house and is hoping for some sort of paranormal activity to occur.

At first it just seems like it's going to be another poorly acted, low budget, snooze fest. But then the scares start, and man oh man are they good. I almost pissed myself a time or two. There are lulls, and at times the leading actor is hard to stay interested in, but after the first scare I was always on the edge of my seat, and that's good enough for me.

There are only 5 characters in the entire movie, 4 of whom don't have much screen time. It's a shame the lead is so milquetoast, as this could have really been something special. As it is though I've got to give this movie a lot of credit. They clearly don't have much of a budget, the credits suggest a small crew. And still it's easily one of the more frightening movies I've seen in a while, they totally understand what makes for a good chiller, even if the acting and script aren't up to par.

An American Ghost Story is a very pleasant surprise. Now for me to go change my underpants.



Apocalypse Z: 82 Out Of 100 Stars
One of those movies where the entire army consists of 3 people, and multi million dollar science experiments are carried out by 1 doctor in a broom closet with a computer and 2 rats in cages.

The main story is that there's a virus outbreak of some sort in a remote Romanian town, and the US Government is sending in an elite group of mercenaries to blow up the town and contain things. The leader is Chief, he's been in jail for unspecified but apparently fucked up war crimes. He takes the mission so his record will be expunged and he can reunite with his daughter. The other 3 are elite soldiers, each being paid 2 million dollars each. There's a sniper from somewhere in Europe, a Scottish explosives expert, and lastly there's a ninja girl with pigtails who I swear to god is supposed to Asian but she's.....just not.

But wait, there's more. The soldiers, the US soldiers, are clearly not American. But wait, there's even more. The US President is played by Uwe Boll. Yes, you read that right. Lifted from IMDB, this is how he introduces himself, ""Hi! Ya, it is me. The president. Perhaps you are remembering me?" How can you not love that?

Along the way the mercenaries pick up some folks. There's the scientists earnest daughter and a couple on vacation from America. He's supposed to be a redneck, but imagine Billy Connelly doing foghorn leghorn and you pretty much get the gist. Her back story is that her brother killed her whole family. Why? I have no idea. There's even a dog involved. Again, why? Well probably for no other reason than Americans like dogs. The script is so deliciously bad.

I have no earthly idea why, but it works. It works astoundingly well. The dialog is so silly, but silly in a really fun way. The script is a ridiculous jumble of every American Bad ass cliche, but coherent enough to move the story swiftly along, and the action and gore are pretty damn good.

A good action movie with enough preposterousness to fill a ballpark, an American baseball ballpark. Apocalypse Z is an insane amount of fun, and an insane amount of insane.

[sterlingice]

I think I do read this thread solely to see your reviews. My wife even appreciated when I read one of them to her the other night (the one about Deke the badass)

SI

[Suicane75]

Bloodwork: 70 Out Of 100 Stars
Another really fun film, Bloodwork is the story of two college students who sign up to be part of a medical study in order to earn some extra money. Tricia Helfer plays the doctor in charge of everything and she is exquisite.

So yeah, things aren't quite as they appear and the research being done is not quite on the up and up and things start to go wonky, leading to some wonderfully gross scenes. Tons of really gross visuals amp this sucker up, I was getting queasy at some points, but in a good way.

The cast is strong and the script is strong enough to draw you in and forgive some of the cliched aspects of it. Oh, and there's a beautiful pair of boobs on display, although sadly, not Helfers.

A fresh story, nicely told, with really solid effects. Bloodwork is top notch fun.



Night Claws: 22 Out Of 100 Stars
I was so excited for a Bigfoot themed movie, then I noticed that the distributor is the same company that released the awful, awful, awful, fucking awful Hayride. Still, I'm down to give it a chance. Then I noticed that the lead was Reb Brown, The guy who's acting in The Howling 2 was an experience akin to getting kicked in the nuts for 2 hours. Fuck me. All I wanted was a good Bigfoot movie! Why must these people put me through this. :sadface: But onward I shall trek.

When I was 11 a neighborhood kid tried to put his penis in me. It was a traumatic experience. Not as traumatic watching this movie.

Not nearly as teeth clenchingly boring as Hayride, but just as god damn awful, Night Claws is movie completely devoid of any competence on any level, to the point that I feel bad for the people buying this shit.

30 Years ago Reb Brown could not act. In the ensuing time he's learned to make a face, something between smelling a fart and seeing a puppy. I'm not sure what it is, but whether he's flirting, being told a monster is in the woods, or finding a dead body, he's making that face. The rest of the cast is just as bad, and it's a large cast. Because if you're gonna hire people who can't act, why not hire lots of em.

The script seems to have an outline, but as far as actual dialog, I can't be sure. Actors seem to just be making shit up half the time, conversations just sort of die out or end with Reb giving that look. The direction is hideous on a monumental level. The actual beast pops up from time to time, but never in any interesting detail till the very end when you realize that was probably a good thing.

Does it work on a camp level? Yeah, I guess. The problem is that it veers from campy to insulting pretty quickly. I mean, if this were parody, it would work. If there was some sort of in joke being played off about how bad it is, it would work. But it's not, it's just people who came up with the idea to get Reb Brown & Frank Stallone so they could put their names on the marquee of their bigfoot movie, and sell it. Then they sort of made a movie so they couldn't be charged with fraud.

Night Claws should come with a free coupon, good for one punch to the windpipe of everyone involved in making and selling this piece of shit.

[Suicane75]

Originally Posted by sterlingice

I think I do read this thread solely to see your reviews. My wife even appreciated when I read one of them to her the other night (the one about Deke the badass)

SI

Appreciate it. You should convince her to watch it with you.

[Suicane75]

Has anyone read The Disaster Artist by Greg Sestero? Anyone with any interest in The Room should pick it up. It's a fascinating look into the mind of Tommy Wiseau.

[Suicane75]

It's Alive: 40 Out Of 100 Stars
From 1974, the tale of a mutant newborn who goes on a killing spree. It's really not that gory and relies more on drama, but it's too absurd to be truly dramatic.

The early fun is in how everyone is completely unfazed that there's a baby mutant running around killing people. "Yep, she had a baby and it's a mutant, poor lady". The cops are just like, "welp we better go kill it", and the doctors are like "this shit happens sometimes, should have had an abortion or something".

The lead, John Ryan, plays the father, and he does his gosh darndest to try and bring a real performance to this film. He plays it as straight as you possibly can in a film like this and really helps elevate the film to something close to watchable.

Unfortunately it's still a rather undramatic drama, with not much gore and a really silly story that I can't quite recommend but I think might still be an interesting watch for some.


It's Alive #2: 38 Out Of 100 Stars
Because the story must continue. This time around John Ryan is going around warning couples about their impending mutant babies. He's part of a group going around trying to save the children from the government, who of course is trying to kill them. The babies they can save are rounded up and taken to a safe house/nursery for killer toddlers.

Much like the first film, the gore is rather limited and it instead relies on the drama and tension to carry it for most of the film. It tries it's hardest but it's just too silly to take seriously, the script is a little bit more ridiculous too, with motivations that change too much and decisions that are only made to further the story, such as a doctor theorizing that these babies are a new breed of human designed to survive the world we're destroying. Perhaps these are the first X-Men. It's campy, but not really campy enough to work.

Pretty much more of the same, and if you liked the first one you'll probably like this one. The main flaw continues to be how serious it takes itself.


It's Alive #3: 73 Out Of 100 Stars
Released in 1987 and starring Michael Moriarty, the 3rd iteration of this franchise is much more of a monster movie, but it still spends a lot of time on the morality issue, which would be irritating if not for the fact that Moriarty is so fucking magnificent. He takes over for John Ryan as the center of the film, a father whose baby was the center of a huge court case about how to deal with all the mutant babies. Much like Ryan made the first movie better than it had any right to be, Moriarty attacks the rather ridiculous script with zeal. Only James Dixon as Lieutenant Perkins, now looking more like Donald Trump than ever, returns from the first two films.

So A judge rules that the mutants should be sent to an undisclosed, uninhabited island, where they can live out their lives without endangering or being threatened by humans. OK then. So after a profoundly wondrous courtroom scene in which Moriarty convinces the court not to kill his baby, he loafs around for a few years. He tries to reconnect with his ex wife, he gets picked up by a hooker at a carnival, he sells kids shoes. Eventually the judge dies, and apparently when a judge dies, his decisions get overturned. I don't think that's how it works, but It's not my script, so whatever.

So a government led team of incompetent scientist, cops and Morariaty is now going back to the island to see how the babies are doing and to try and bring one back to study, and off we go into a final 45 minutes that reaches maximum insanity. I cannot tell if the script is trying to be as ridiculous as possible, but if it is, Moriarty is more than happy to play along. There are points in the films second half where I just sat with my mouth wide open, trying to fathom what I was watching. I'm not at all being blusterous when I suggest that few movies ever have been better served by their leading men than this one. It's just fascinating to watch.

Silly and so very 80's, It's Alive #3 is a sadly forgotten treasure trove of 80's horror movies and a fucking tour de force from Moriarty, who's every bit as bat shit insane as the script. Just a wonderful viewing experience that I can't recommend enough.

[JeeberD]

The shit you watch, Sui...

[Chief Rum]

Given we're almost through ten months of this year's releases, with a final two months filled with some good quality films, this seems to be a good time to do my personal top ten movies of 2013 so far.

CHIEF'S TOP TEN 2013 MOVIES (SO FAR)

1. Gravity
2. The Conjuring
3. Captain Phillps
4. Rush
5. Now You See Me
6. Prisoners
7. Star Trek Into Darkness
8. Man of Steel
9. 42
10. Iron Man 3

Other Movies Seen (Alphabetical)

2 Guns
Elysium
Fast & Furious 6
The Last Stand
Olympus Has Fallen
Oz the Great and Powerful
Pacific Rim
Riddick
This Is The End
The Wolverine
World War Z
The World's End

[ISiddiqui]

I'm going to wait for my Top 10 until I see "12 Years a Slave" - it could change my list dramatically.

[Chief Rum]

Originally Posted by ISiddiqui

I'm going to wait for my Top 10 until I see "12 Years a Slave" - it could change my list dramatically.

There are several already out there which I intend to see, including 12 Years A Slave, and there could be a lot of changes, especially with the Oscar season coming up.

[sterlingice]

Originally Posted by ISiddiqui

I'm going to wait for my Top 10 until I see "12 Years a Slave" - it could change my list dramatically.

Wouldn't it really just change one spot? I mean, even if it's the top, everything just moves down 1

SI

[Vince, Pt. II]

Ender's Game was completely awful. Even expecting nothing I was disappointed. Ender's double-guns blazing cowboy moment in his first battle with Salamander in the battle room pretty much sealed it for me immediately. I know there's an awful lot to fit into a two hour movie, but the whole thing felt rushed and the acting was terrible.

The special effects were pretty cool...but that's about it.

[Coffee Warlord]

Judging from some of the review I'm reading, it sounds like exactly what I feared - Ender's Game by Michael Bay.

[Honolulu_Blue]

I read a review of "Enders Game" this morning in the local paper. As soon as I came across this line: "In the hands of South African director Gavin Hood (“Tsotsi,” “X-Men Origins: Wolverine”)" - I knew the movie was doomed. X-Men Origins: Wolverine was abysmal. Horrible. The direction in that film was laughable. (I never saw "Tsotsi".)

[spleen1015]

I thought Ender's Game was awesome. 20 out of 10.

[ISiddiqui]

12 Years a Slave - 8/10: Was a very good movie with some fantastic acting (seriously, Michael Fassbender scared the crap out of me). However, I don't think its the amazing Oscar shoo-in for Best Picture as people are saying. I thought it was definitely well done and well casted. Some fantastically chilling performances (aside from Fassbender, Poulsen was fantastic as was the actress that played Cumberbatch's wife). Ejiofor is definitely going to be the favorite for Best Actor, and likely deserves it as well. Very powerful scenes and shows how dark slavery could be - though I don't know if it breaks any new ground.

[Chief Rum]

Originally Posted by ISiddiqui

Ejiofor is definitely going to be the favorite for Best Actor, and likely deserves it as well. Very powerful scenes and shows how dark slavery could be - though I don't know if it breaks any new ground.

I'll be very curious to see how Ejiofor's performance stacks up when I see this. I was extremely impressed with Tom Hanks in Captain Phillips. His acting throughout the movie was already very good, but he pretty much turned it up big time at the very end. Those of you who have seen it will know what I am talking about. An amazing performance.

[korme]

12 Years a Slave - Pretty excellent. A movie everyone should see. Makes me feel incredibly sad for that era. Chiwetel Ejiofor did an awesome job, as did Michael Fassbender. 9/10

[ISiddiqui]

The Way Way Back - 7/10: A charming coming to age movie that was pretty funny, but also pretty formulaic. Great casting and a great performance by Sam Rockwell, though he was pretty much playing Sam Rockwell. I think if it wasn't so cliched and formulaic (I called everything before it happened), it'd be more memorable. Alas. Its hilariousness, however, gives it the high rating.

[korme]

I loved The Way Way Back

[PilotMan]

It's not going to come out for a while, but dear god, let this be good!

'Key & Peele' Partners Team With Judd Apatow For Universal Pitch Deal - Deadline.com

[cartman]

Stuck In Love - 6.75/10

Was stuck on a plane, and this was the only movie on. Wasn't expecting much, but it was actually a pretty good movie. Excellent cast, with Greg Kinnear, Jennifer Connelly, Kristen Bell, Lilly Collins, and a host of others. The acting chops of the cast helps the story out at times. It seems they might have left a bit too much on the cutting room floor, but that also might be due to scenes edited for showing on a plane.

[CAsterling]

Just read Suicane's review:
The Beast In Heat: 70 Out Of 100 Stars

I think that is the most I have laughed whilst reading a review of a movie in my life. Suicane I believe you should do Movie reviews professionally, that is the best review of any movie I have ever read

[Pyser]

the heat - 4/10

best i can tell this was just ladies saying bad words. not too funny, though i enjoyed the secondary characters (i must not be alone, 2 ladies from the extended boston family just got a spinoff)

[Groundhog]

Some movies I caught on my various flights lately...

The Wolverine - 8/10
I expected to hate it given that they turned the Silver Samurai into a giant robot, but you know what... it actually ended up making sense in the context of the film, IMO. Found it distracting that most of the Japan scenes were filmed in Sydney - the Chinese Gardens that I am looking at right now out of my office window in particular.

Lincoln - 6/10
I don't want to downplay the importance of the film's topic, but I felt that given the time the film was based, this could have been a much better movie, and it had a few too many moments where it felt like the characters on screen were aware they were talking about themselves being in a film - the final scene with Lincoln and his wife in particular. Lewis was excellent as usual though.

There Will be Blood - 8/10
Finally managed to watch this. Probably would have been a 9 if not for all the lines I missed due to the bad audio quality.

[Johnny93g]

An early top 10 of 2013 for me

1. Ain't them bodies saints
It's a interesting story, told in a different way. The music is incredible, and I feel Keith Carradine deserves an Oscar nomination as he stole the movie.
2. Prisoners
Great film stuck with me for a while after watching it. Not a dull moment during the 2.5 hour running time.
3. The Way Way Back
Familiar story, but great movie. Sam Rockwell is becoming one of my favourites. He's great in everything
4. Mud
I haven't seen McConaughey do a better job then in this roll.
5. The Place Beyond the Pines
It's almost like three movies in one, and it's probably to long, but the first 45 minutes is as good as it gets.
6. 42
I love baseball movies, and I loved the baseball action in this. Thoroughly entertaining.
7 The Conjuring
Very creepy. A actual horror movie intended to scare, not shock and disgust.
8. Man of Steel
It's probably the best comic book movie I've seen in a while, and I'm of the opinion that just about all comic book movies are pretty terrible. This wasn't.
9. Robot & Frank
I'm counting this, even though it's a 2012, as i didn't hear about it until this summer. I can't imagine anyone watching this and not enjoying themselves.
10. Stand Up Guys
Pacino, Walken, Arkin, goin around, having fun. It's fun.

My two biggest disappointments of the year:
1. Captain Phillips
Way to long, after the first hour, it got pretty boring. Nothing happened. They tried to create suspense, where the viewer knew there wasn't any. I expected it to be great, and it really let me down.

2.Only God Forgives
Probably one of the worst movies I've ever seen, and I loved Drive. I see almost nothing redeeming or entertaining about this movie, which i had high hopes for.

Some movies that i expect will change this list when i see them:
Her
Saving Mr Banks
All is Lost
Gravity
Out of the Furnace
The World's End
The Kings of Summer
American Hustle
Walter Mitty
The Wolf of Wallstreet

[chadritt]

AMERICAN HUSTLE 9/10 Phenomenal acting, as was to be expected, but the plot is seriously difficult to understand at times. More than once I found myself wondering exactly what was happening and thinking I was understanding less than I probably was.

[rowech]

The Way Way Back was fantastic. It amazes me that movies like that don't ever seem to get any publicity while I have to hear about all the crappy movies that get released week after week.

[korme]

Originally Posted by Johnny93g

2.Only God Forgives
Probably one of the worst movies I've ever seen, and I loved Drive. I see almost nothing redeeming or entertaining about this movie, which i had high hopes for.

You and I have very similar tastes. Was looking forward to NWR's next movie after Drive. I turned Only God Forgives off after about an hour. It was so bad.

[chinaski]

I cant exactly explain why, but I thought Only God Forgives was brilliant. Ive watched it 5 times, and I liked it more with each viewing.

[Groundhog]

We're the Millers - 8.5/10
I liked this waaaaaaaaaaay more than I expected to. Many LOL moments.

[Johnny93g]

Originally Posted by Groundhog

We're the Millers - 8.5/10
I liked this waaaaaaaaaaay more than I expected to. Many LOL moments.

I surprisingly enjoyed that to. The line right after the Cop took the money, which can't be repeated here, had me in tears!!

[Julio Riddols]

We're The Millers hit me about the same way 21 Jump Street did. Expected pretty average to middling comedy, got more than enough hearty laughs out of both to totally change my mind by the end.

[Groundhog]

Originally Posted by Johnny93g

I surprisingly enjoyed that to. The line right after the Cop took the money, which can't be repeated here, had me in tears!!

Yup, one of quite a few classic scenes. Sudeikis was in fine form throughout, but pretty much all the cast nailed it - Nick Offerman in particular was great, and the scene in the tent cracked me up.

Agreed too: re this movie and 21 Jump Street. The trailers made them both look pretty awful, and I enjoyed them both.

[whomario]

The Hollow Crown

Shakespeare adaption in a mini-series depicting Richard II, Henry IV parts 1 and 2 and Henry V (the so-called 2nd historical tetralogy on Henriad, i was told). Each is given it´s own movie of 120-140 minutes. To be honest, i only have some very vague understanding of Shakespeare and still haven´t read any of the plays in question in it´s entirety. So i´m hardly an expert on how "well" it´s been adapted. But standing on it´s own legs, all 4 films are really, really fun to watch. Some stunning acting (Loki from Avengers/Thor does a brilliant Hal/Henry V for example), great setting, high prodcution value (the BBC can afford not to do things halfway), plus some very modern film-making to avoid overly "theater-like" elements. For example monologues being done as voiceovers while the character walks around, like Prince Hal foreshadowing his reformation while walking through his stommping grounds of his staged rebelious youth.

[revrew]

Saving Mr. Banks - 10/10

I don't give out 10s easily. I can usually find something to criticize. But this is a practically perfect movie. Funny at times, always heart-warming, brilliantly acted, well-written, gut-wrenching, and even carrying a suspenseful tension that really keeps your attention. The characters are memorable and powerful.

It's possible that a person could research and discover historical inconsistencies; I didn't try to see how true to real life this is. And I would have liked to see more of the "real" Mary Poppins (see, here I go - told you I could always find something to criticize).

But just as a movie by itself, wow. Just wow. I've seen several of the Oscar contenders this year, and this one blows many of them out of the water.

[chadritt]

Her - 8/10 This ones getting interesting reactions from my friends. Some think its the best movie of the year and some think its "Excruciating". Phoenix and Johansson are both amazing, I would personally love to see her get a best supporting actress nomination even though I know it will never happen since its all voiceover, but I think i need more time to decide if the movie ever goes beyond really good into great territory.

[korme]

The Wolf of Wall Street - I went to see American Hustle last night, and it was sold out. So I opted for plan 1B - go see TWoWS. It was simply awesome. I loved it, I'm not sure how any best picture nominee can top it for me. It was a full 3 hours and it felt like an hour and a half, and I didn't want it to end. Can't decide if I'm just reeling from having such a great time in the theatres last night, but my initial thought is to give it a 10. I'll come back to this.

[Johnny93g]

Originally Posted by korme

The Wolf of Wall Street - I went to see American Hustle last night, and it was sold out. So I opted for plan 1B - go see TWoWS. It was simply awesome. I loved it, I'm not sure how any best picture nominee can top it for me. It was a full 3 hours and it felt like an hour and a half, and I didn't want it to end. Can't decide if I'm just reeling from having such a great time in the theatres last night, but my initial thought is to give it a 10. I'll come back to this.

Ok, we do have similar tastes. Saw this tonight, and holy shit, that was fun. Scorsese is just brilliant. Wildest movie I've ever seen. Reminded me of Goodfellas.

I saw American Hustle 2 days ago, and it was my top movie of 2013, for, well 2 days.

Wold of Wall Street is an instant classic. The only thing Leo has ever done a better acting job in is the Aviator. He deserves a oscar nom for this.

10 years from now, this maybe my favourite movie of the decade

[korme]

I never thought there would be a day when I said Matthew McConaughey was in 3 of my top 5 movies of the year - granted, he was in TWOWS for 3 scenes, but that, including Mud & Dallas Buyers Club - wow. What a year.

caveat - I still have to see most of the Oscar nominees

[ISiddiqui]

Saving Mr. Banks - 9/10: Seriously, this movie shocked me at how good it was. I went in expecting an above average film (I wanted to see 'American Hustle', but the gf really wanted to see Mr. Banks), but it was just done in a fantastic manner. The splicing of the wooing of Travers along with her childhood in the Australian outback; and how that childhood had a direct impact on the story of Mary Poppins was, quite frankly, amazingly done. Emma Thompson was fantastic in the role and the movie was casted very well (Hanks was good, but not necessarily great). I know it takes some liberties with the actual story (kind of like how Mary Poppins did, when you think of it), but it was a great movie.

[Easy Mac]

Anchorman 2 - 2/10: Dear God that was horrendous. The original is possibly my favorite movie of the 21st century. Our dog is named Baxter for crying out loud. This movie was just bad. I laughed, but I'd say 90% of the laughs were just because I felt compelled to laugh.

[Matthean]

Originally Posted by korme

I never thought there would be a day when I said Matthew McConaughey was in 3 of my top 5 movies of the year - granted, he was in TWOWS for 3 scenes, but that, including Mud & Dallas Buyers Club - wow. What a year.

Add in Lincoln Lawyer from last year as well.

[korme]

Originally Posted by Matthean

Add in Lincoln Lawyer from last year as well.

'11

[DaddyTorgo]

Hobbit: Desolation of Smaug (4/10)

I wanted to like this movie - I really did. I'm a huge LOTR geek and everything. Just felt like this whole movie was like 2hrs 35mins of chase scenes sandwiched around 6 minutes of dialogue and actual character moments (which is more the stuff that I like).

Hell - I don't even mind the battle scenes, but it just seems like the whole thing was them being chased chased chased and there was just no emotional weight to it.

[molson]

Originally Posted by Easy Mac

Anchorman 2 - 2/10: Dear God that was horrendous. The original is possibly my favorite movie of the 21st century. Our dog is named Baxter for crying out loud. This movie was just bad. I laughed, but I'd say 90% of the laughs were just because I felt compelled to laugh.

I got the sense from the trailers that this wouldn't deliver, but that's still severely disappointing to hear. Maybe if I get really boozed up first?

[chadritt]

Wolf of Wall Street - 7/10 Honestly Im not sure of a number, I could go either much higher or much lower, because its interesting and well acted but it is also needlessly long which I felt really hurt the film. I think some of the controversy about glorifying Jordan Belfort could have been lessened if the audience wasnt so restless by the end. I personally would love to see Scorsese pull a Clint Eastwood and make another film telling the story from the other side using the same cast.

[ISiddiqui]

Anchorman 2 - 7/10: I forgot to post a review of this earlier. It was much funnier than it had any business being. It was also insanely random at times. I read somewhere that you will never see a major studio release such a random film, but since it is sequel to Anchorman, it was able to go through. Personally I really enjoy random humor, so it hit the mark for me. Oh, and it was fun to see where all the filming happening in Atlanta as well.