Rate The Last Movie You Watched

[Matthean]

Very minor quibbles aside, Guardians of the Galaxy was awesome.

[Neon_Chaos]

Originally Posted by Matthean

Very minor quibbles aside, Guardians of the Galaxy was awesome.

It was awesoe mix tape!

[Abe Sargent]

I went to the theatre today and saw Guardians which had like 10 people in the theater, and then A Most Wanted Man, which had like 120. Packed theater,

[gstelmack]

Just got home from seeing Guardians with the family in a packed theater, everyone had a good time.

[Matthean]

Also, this happened at my viewing.

[ISiddiqui]

Guardians of the Galaxy - 9/10: Saw it last night and enjoyed it immensely! The lighter tone really worked well and balanced the action perfectly, IMO. I laughed far more than I thought I would. I also liked how they quickly brought us up to speed on a heretofore un-described (at least in the Marvel movies) world. They did a lot of world building and it didn't seem to be exposition heavy. And the CGI was fantastic!!

Also, I do love it that the Piemaker (Lee Pace) is getting big, juicy roles, even if you barely can make him out under the makeup (and what incredible makeup for the movie, eh?)

[Neon_Chaos]

Like I posted on FB, Guardians of the Galaxy is the first film in a long while that I felt really good walking out of a theater after two hours.

[law90026]

Really enjoyed GotG. It was entertaining throughout and there were no points when I felt like I was waiting for something to happen so the pacing was nice and tight.

Character interactions were great although I wish Ronan wasn't such a one-dimensional character.

I think what really made it fun was the fact there were some genuine LOL moments in the movie.

[Julio Riddols]

Originally Posted by Suicane75

Actually have it in my queue and plan on getting to it soon.

Outstanding. I'm almost as excited to read your review as I was to obtain a copy of it purely for yearly halloween viewing.

[Oilers9911]

Battered Bastards of Baseball - (9 out of 10)

Watched The Battered Bastards of Baseball on Netflix last night. If you love baseball and sometimes have trouble remembering why, check this movie out. A bunch of rag tag ballplayers on an independent team take on the bonus babies of organized baseball, win games, and have fun doing it. One of the best baseball retrospectives I have ever seen. Jim Bouton and Kurt Russell played on this team in the mid 70s. Awesome movie.

[korme]

Boyhood - 10/10. I really don't know what could have made this film better.

I couldn't have said it better than my friend, so here is what he had to say:
Watch it and laugh, cry, feel embarrassed, jealous, overjoyed, nostalgic, empathetic, motivated and moved to your very core. Unlike most films produced through the pressures of Hollywood, Boyhood connects with the audience through honesty instead of exploitation, and of course Richard Linklaters effort and heart-on-his-sleeve approach to the films creation make it all the more special. More than anything, its a film that will stand the test of time. I'm sure that given the appropriate amount of time, critics will compare this great piece of art amongst the best since the dawn of American cinema around 100 years ago.

[Suicane75]

Pieces: 75 Out Of 100 Stars

From the early 80's, this half Italian, half American mess of a film tries it's best to be what it thinks a horror movie is, but misses on just about every level in the grandest way possible.

The film actually starts out fairly interestingly as we go back to 1944 and see a perverted little kid getting discovered by his mom doing a nudie jigsaw puzzle. Mom is none too pleased and proceeds to go nutso on her son, who returns the favor in spades with a big ass knife.

Fast forward 40 years and a dude is cutting women up on a College campus in Boston, the name of the University is never given, but it doesn't matter. This campus by the way, seems to have about 10 students and they all major in Tennis or Aerobics.

The movie is a gorgeous mess right from the start as half the actors are Italian and the other half American. This leads to some of the voices being dubbed, and by some magic of film making, even the ones that aren't still appear to be dubbed. I'm fairly certain the directors knowledge of American culture is fairly limited. He seems to know about karate, jazzercise, water beds and not much else.

The boyfriend, or fuck buddy, or whatever he is, of one of the victims is immediately recruited by the lead detective to assist in the case. At first the detective is just like "keep an eye on things", and that's swell I suppose, since there are only like 2 cops in the entire movie. But then he decides to send a female cop into the school on an undercover mission and assigns the student the task of making sure nothing happens to her. You might think it'd be insulting for a police officer to have a 120 pound student assigned to watch over her, but in all fairness, her real job is as a world champion tennis pro and she's just being a cop to earn some extra money. Yes. Eventually with all leads exhausted and women continuing to die, the detective sends the kid downtown to help the other detective go through paper work. Of course it takes the kid 5 minutes to figure things out by doing the first thing you'd assume the real cops would have done about 70 minutes ago when the movie started.

The script is confounding to say the least. The cops are all over the map, sometimes it's a giant case they they've got they're best people working on, but most of the time they're lamenting how they don't have any manpower, which leads to them farming out most of their work to student. This kid is an all purpose back, part detective who solves crimes, part comedic relief who cracks racist jokes, and part Lothario who women beg for sex. Yes, women in this movie beg him to have sex with them. He's quite literally the center of every aspect of the movie but he's just not very good. He's got close to no charisma and he's not a very good actor, but he is American, I'll give him that. I get the feeling that if the Director watched Charles In Charge he'd come away thinking Willie Aimes was the hunk.

There's some near incomprehensible, both in the fact that I don't know why it's in the movie, and that I do not understand what is supposed to be happening, stuff with a janitor. This dude is a big burly guy that looks sort of like a fat Merlin Olson or if you're a wrestling fan, Norman The Lunatic. He has one facial expression, and the only way to really explain it is that he looks at everyone he's in a scene with as if they've just ripped a nasty fart and he's perturbed by it. He goes from being the janitor to a suspect for no real reason at all, gets into a massive fight with all the detectives, cops, and yes, even the student, gets arrested and then let go and back to being a janitor. This entire story arc takes about 5 minutes and has no build up or follow through.

There's a fun scene involving what at first appears to be an attempted rape, then an attempted murder, but is laughed away as a simple misunderstanding between the female cop and the schools Karate Professor that couldn't be anymore racist if he were wearing a bowl hat and fake buck teeth.

The gore is good, I guess that's something. The trouble is that movie is so frighteningly stupid that you'd probably be more apt to laugh at the kills than get grossed out. At least they give you time to rest your sides, which if you're anything like me, will be sore from laughter.

The nudity is decent, and the extended aerobic scenes featuring a girl with an ass plumper than a Ballpark Frank is a highlight. Although It's hard to respect a girl who has trouble finding the bathroom, even if it is in the basement for some reason. She's also involved in one of the greatest chase scenes I've ever seen as the she at once is attempting to flee what she thinks might be a murdering intruder while slowly getting dressed, collecting her things and then turning the lights off before leaving the room. Then she somehow misses the fact that a man is standing in an elevator with her, holding a chainsaw behind his back. I'm assuming she's in school on an aerobics scholarship and not because of a high GPA.

There are some other standout sequences. The horrible editing of a girl getting chopped up, the riveting scene in which two women play tennis for what feels like 5 minutes without either one of them ever moving their feet, the nonsensical crashing of a roller skater into a giant mirror. And last but not least, the final scene, which while not making any sense at all, seems to make perfect sense considering the baffling 90 minutes of film that precedes it.

A lost masterpiece in the pantheon of bad movies, Pieces is fun as hell, if for no other reason than the fact that it just doesn't seem to have any idea how bad it is or how little sense it makes.

[Julio Riddols]

Loved Pieces, own a copy now for halloween viewing.

Tonight I saw the movie Frank, with Michael Fassbender.

It won't be up everyone's alley, but if you like quirky dark comedies with heart and outstanding acting with some tear jerking thrown in for good measure, this movie has you covered. Fassbender is absolutely amazing, even with a paper mache head on. The music in my opinion is actually good, even though it is definitely not standard music.. It is actually being played in the film too, which makes it all the more awesome. Fassbender actually seems like he would make a hell of a singer. Domhnall Gleeson and Maggie Gyllenhaal are also quality players in this, a movie that made me laugh incredibly hard at times because of its absurdity, made me wish this band actually existed because of its originality, and made me cry when I did not expect to at all. One of the best final scenes in recent memory.

It has stuck with me all day since I saw it, and I am about to watch it again.. This is probably something I will do with some regularity for a long time. It was one of the best movies I have seen in my lifetime.

[PilotMan]

Watching Noah right now. WTF kind of movie is this?

[PilotMan]

Seriously, this movie makes no fucking sense.

[korme]

GONE GIRL

Not one of my favorite Fincher films. The twist felt cheap, I didn't really get the reasoning. Hard to go into detail without spoilering. That said, there were some really good parts. I didn't hate it, just didn't agree with some of the direction. 6/10

[Buccaneer]

There is likely very bad news on the interwebs - Amazon has shut down BoxOfficeMojo. That site was one that I have visited weekly for over 10 years now, an amazing database of current and historical box office results and analysis. Rumor that some of the information will show up in IMDb's pay site but not nearly to the extent and depth of BOM. I really hate change for the worse.

[rowech]

Originally Posted by korme

GONE GIRL

Not one of my favorite Fincher films. The twist felt cheap, I didn't really get the reasoning. Hard to go into detail without spoilering. That said, there were some really good parts. I didn't hate it, just didn't agree with some of the direction. 6/10

Would give same rating for same reason. My wife said it followed the book pretty well though so I wonder if he did what he was supposed to. I can see why a lot of people like it but I was only so-so.

[Chief Rum]

I did this around this time last year, so it seems like a good time to do it this year...

My top movies of the year so far.

Top Ten (So Far)

1. The Drop
2. Dawn of the Planet of the Apes
3. Guardians of the Galaxy
4. Godzilla
5. Noah
6. Gone Girl
7. X-Men: Days of Future Past
8. Captain America: The Winter Soldier
9. The Amazing Spiderman 2
10. The Maze Runner

The Rest (in alphabetical order)

300: Rise of An Empire
Draft Day
Edge of Tomorrow
Hercules
Jack Ryan: Shadow Recruit
The LEGO Movie
Lucy
Neighbors
Snowpiercer

The reality is that, at least so far, it has been a much poorer year for movies so far than last year, but last year was very much an above average year, IMO. At least for the movies I have seen.

One thing I will say, I think the blockbusters I saw this year were a lot more solid than last year's.

I'm still hopeful to be blown away by Interstellar, since Nolan is my favorite director, but then I also really like Fincher, and Gone Girl was a technically excellent movie, but just too ugly.

[Chief Rum]

BTW, as you can see from the top ten, I really liked the Drop. I recommend it anyone who likes crime/mob films.

[Buccaneer]

My top 10 usually doesn't start until the Oscar movies start coming out in the Fall/Winter. Nothing this summer would make my top 10.

[Chief Rum]

Originally Posted by Buccaneer

My top 10 usually doesn't start until the Oscar movies start coming out in the Fall/Winter. Nothing this summer would make my top 10.

That's why I do this early one. It sets the table for the Oscar season for me.

Although, as it turns out, when I did this last year, I had already seen my #1, Gravity.

[Buccaneer]

Originally Posted by Chief Rum

That's why I do this early one. It sets the table for the Oscar season for me.

Although, as it turns out, when I did this last year, I had already seen my #1, Gravity.

I think I did put Gravity in my top 10 of last year's movies. I forgot when did Gravity come out?

[Johnny93g]

Originally Posted by Chief Rum

I did this around this time last year, so it seems like a good time to do it this year...

My top movies of the year so far.

Top Ten (So Far)

1. The Drop
2. Dawn of the Planet of the Apes
3. Guardians of the Galaxy
4. Godzilla
5. Noah
6. Gone Girl
7. X-Men: Days of Future Past
8. Captain America: The Winter Soldier
9. The Amazing Spiderman 2
10. The Maze Runner

The Rest (in alphabetical order)

300: Rise of An Empire
Draft Day
Edge of Tomorrow
Hercules
Jack Ryan: Shadow Recruit
The LEGO Movie
Lucy
Neighbors
Snowpiercer

The reality is that, at least so far, it has been a much poorer year for movies so far than last year, but last year was very much an above average year, IMO. At least for the movies I have seen.

One thing I will say, I think the blockbusters I saw this year were a lot more solid than last year's.

I'm still hopeful to be blown away by Interstellar, since Nolan is my favorite director, but then I also really like Fincher, and Gone Girl was a technically excellent movie, but just too ugly.

Its crazy that i would include Noah, Godzilla, captain america(which i didnt finish) and spiderman in my worst movies of the year!

To eaches own!

Without giving it alot of thought, id say Chef is the best movie i've seen this year, followed by Edge of Tomorrow and 22 Jump street.

Still alot of films i need to watch and a excited to watch. I'm very much looking forward to watching Fury, the Drop, Foxcatcher, Inherent Vice, Lucy, The Judge, Gone Girl, Boyhood, Interstellar and Serena to name a few...

[Johnny93g]

Originally Posted by Buccaneer

I think I did put Gravity in my top 10 of last year's movies. I forgot when did Gravity come out?

I would guess late October/early Nobember

[Chief Rum]

Originally Posted by Buccaneer

I think I did put Gravity in my top 10 of last year's movies. I forgot when did Gravity come out?

It came out the first weekend of October last year.

That was part of a stretch of 2013 movies in Prisoners, Rush, Gravity and Captain Phillips that was very impressive. In recent years, some of my favorite movies have come out in the early fall for some reason. Of the four above, three were in my final top 10 for the year, and the 4th (Prisoners) was just outside (it was in my Top 10 last October but didn't survive Oscar season).

[Chief Rum]

Originally Posted by Johnny93g

Its crazy that i would include Noah, Godzilla, captain america(which i didnt finish) and spiderman in my worst movies of the year!

To eaches own!

Without giving it alot of thought, id say Chef is the best movie i've seen this year, followed by Edge of Tomorrow and 22 Jump street.

Still alot of films i need to watch and a excited to watch. I'm very much looking forward to watching Fury, the Drop, Foxcatcher, Inherent Vice, Lucy, The Judge, Gone Girl, Boyhood, Interstellar and Serena to name a few...

Like I was saying, this hasn't been the best year for movies (at least yet). Some of these wouldn't make the cut most years, and I expect them to drop off. That said, it may just be I look at movies different. For instance, I put a good amount of weight on technical aspects, such as how real things feel when something "fantastic" or "hard to believe" is shown. It's not just acting and story telling for me. I mean, I'm sure you take that into consideration, too, but maybe I weigh them differently?

I will spoiler my comments on the ones you have seen so as to not spoil them for others.

Spoiler

Noah-- I enjoyed two things about Noah--the effects were terrific, particularly with the storm, and I enjoyed the morality play Noah (the character) was involved with, as I felt it mirrored very strongly with religious conflict in today's world. Overall, though, I left this movie rather bored.

Godzilla-- I am surprised you put this one down as one of the worst. It's not a greatly acted movie or nothing (and it's more or less by the numbers plotted), but the effects are fantastic. I can still remember, for instance, my breath being stuck in my throat when the star is on the train bridge when the big baddie monster appears. That was awesome.

Captain America-- No, this isn't great moviemaking, but I thought it was fun and more interesting by far than the first Captain America, which I found very drab. The kickass bad guy was intriguing, too. As far as blockbusters go, this isn't bad.

Spiderman-- This one will probably drop off my Top 10 pretty quick. I didn't like Jamie Foxx's bad guy character at all, nor did I like that Spiderman ignored his promise to Gwen Stacy's father so flippantly. But I could see that all that was part of the point with how they ended it. The effects were pretty decently well done, too. All that said, this is only on the Top 10 because I haven't seen 10 better in 2014 yet. That's more a statement on this year so far.

I haven't seen Chef or 22 Jump Street unfortunately. I did see Edge of Tomorrow, and that is easily a Top 10 movie without the Hollywood ending. Not only did they go Hollywood, it didn't even make sense (even movie sense). It lost a lot with me when they ended it that way.

But like you said, too each their own!

[Buccaneer]

Chief, I agree with that stretch from early October 2013 - hard to imagine such quality movies (Rush is on my list to get as well) in the transitional period.

[Johnny93g]

Originally Posted by Chief Rum

Spoiler

Noah-- I enjoyed two things about Noah--the effects were terrific, particularly with the storm, and I enjoyed the morality play Noah (the character) was involved with, as I felt it mirrored very strongly with religious conflict in today's world. Overall, though, I left this movie rather bored.

Godzilla-- I am surprised you put this one down as one of the worst. It's not a greatly acted movie or nothing (and it's more or less by the numbers plotted), but the effects are fantastic. I can still remember, for instance, my breath being stuck in my throat when the star is on the train bridge when the big baddie monster appears. That was awesome.

Captain America-- No, this isn't great moviemaking, but I thought it was fun and more interesting by far than the first Captain America, which I found very drab. The kickass bad guy was intriguing, too. As far as blockbusters go, this isn't bad.

Spiderman-- This one will probably drop off my Top 10 pretty quick. I didn't like Jamie Foxx's bad guy character at all, nor did I like that Spiderman ignored his promise to Gwen Stacy's father so flippantly. But I could see that all that was part of the point with how they ended it. The effects were pretty decently well done, too. All that said, this is only on the Top 10 because I haven't seen 10 better in 2014 yet. That's more a statement on this year so far.

I haven't seen Chef or 22 Jump Street unfortunately. I did see Edge of Tomorrow, and that is easily a Top 10 movie without the Hollywood ending. Not only did they go Hollywood, it didn't even make sense (even movie sense). It lost a lot with me when they ended it that way.

But like you said, too each their own!

Just to keep the conversation going, cuz i do love talking about movies...
Spoilers below for Noah, Spiderman 2, Captain America 2, Godzilla and Edge of Tomorrow.

Spoiler

Noah- This maybe a case of expectations. I expected a biblical, historical event, similar to Robin Hood, Gladiator, or even Alexander. I felt what i got was much different. I found Noah's character ark to be far to drastic to believe. If there was an inner struggle with his final task to kill the child, I didn't believe it. Ultimately, the movie didn't entertain me the way i expected it to.

Godzilla- Saw this in 3d, and i absolutely hate 3d. Other then that, the only character i cared about in the whole thing dies 30 minutes into the film. The so called hero did hardly anything heroic. He barely had dialogue. I know it's a special effects, monster movie, and i like the different storyline presented, but if i don't care about any of the characters, I won't be invested enough to enjoy the movie. That was the case here.

Captain America- I didn't really like the first one, but I am a movie guy, and I try to watch lots of movies. I still like watching a bad movie then never seeing a movie. I could not finish this one though. The whole underground base. The conversation with the dead guy on computer. It lost me. The only part of this i saw and enjoyed was the attack on Fury in his car.

Spiderman 2- I really like the first spider man. I have watched it 2 or 3 times, and have told others that it's easily one of the best comic book movies i ever saw. So i expected alot from the sequel. Jamie Foxx....no clue what that was, or why that happened. He has no reason to be angry at Peter, or atleast none i saw. Everything about that villian was beyond ridiculous in my mind. The break up and reunion between Peter and Emma Stone was way too predictable. The back story combined with the secret subway base was just way to much for me.

Edge of Tomorrow- I Agree with you fully. Hollywood ending, but I forgive it because i enjoyed myself completely to that point. Loved almost everything about it. Just 1 question though. How the hell did Emily Blunts character know she didn't have the power anymore? Wouldn't the only way to find out be to die, and, well, you know, not wake up!!

[stevew]

Originally Posted by Buccaneer

Chief, I agree with that stretch from early October 2013 - hard to imagine such quality movies (Rush is on my list to get as well) in the transitional period.

I kind of thought Rush was one really unforgettable performance in an otherwise forgettable movie. The guy playing Lauda really is awesome

[Chief Rum]

Originally Posted by stevew

I kind of thought Rush was one really unforgettable performance in an otherwise forgettable movie. The guy playing Lauda really is awesome

Daniel Bruhl was incredible and I agree about his performance. I disagree that that was all there was, though. The race shots were tight and thrilling, IMO. I really felt the inherent danger which comes from racing those cars from the safety of a theater chair. They did a terrific job of conveying that. The Nuremburg and Tokyo race scenes were nutty intense.

[stevew]

I guess, and this is only watching it once on a 60" screen, that the shot selection was nothing so extraordinary. That it was certainly competent however I felt like Bruhl completely shredded Helmsworth acting wise and that left me basically only caring about his character. So what I think they were trying to convey was a 1 v 1 story but it just didn't really deliver. I'd chalk it up as something like What's Love Got To Do With it where you have outstanding performance(s) but the movie isn't that great.

I'd have expected a movie of this type to get all the shots that Howard got.

[Suicane75]

Trailer Park Boys, Don't Legalize It: 73 Out Of 100 Stars
The boys are back, and they're just as funny as ever. There's some plot advancement, Julian is dealing in piss, Ricky is on his way to Montreal to stop the government from legalizing pot, and Bubbles comes into an unexpected inheritance.

There are certainly points where you feel like you've seen it all before, especially when it comes to Leheigh and Randy, but that's ok. The story moves along enough so as to not interfere with the funny, and if you've enjoyed any of the other TPB stuff, you'll enjoy the fuck out of this.

Hell Baby: 34 Out Of 100 Stars
From the two dudes who created Reno 911, comes a movie not nearly as funny. A young pregnant couple moves into their first new house and evil spirits try and fuck with them. Sounds funnier than it ends up being due to a script that's repetitive and wildly all over the place. There are some funny moments but most of those come in disjointed segments of the movie that seem like they'd work better as sketches than pieces of a film.

It's not Hell, but it's not all that good either.

[Suicane75]

Wrong Turn 6: 40 Out Of 100 Stars

The Wrong Turn series, up until #5, had been a rather dreadful franchise. The original, starring Eliza Dushku was fair. The next three straight to video releases were horrid, and then out of the blue #5 was a damn good movie. I sort of wish they had stopped there and not tempted fate, but here we are. After taking a year off, Wrong Turn returns with the 6th installment in the series. Will it be as shitty as the 2nd, 3rd and 4th? Or will it keep the momentum of the solid fifth movie?

Well...I can't say that it was uninteresting. Can't really say that it was all that good either, but it had it's moments. I wouldn't call it convoluted, but it certainly seemed to be overly ambitious in it's premise.

A group of twenty somethings, our lead among them, are headed to the back woods where he's inherited an old spa in the middle of nowhere. The back story among the friends is pretty damn silly and verbose. See, the lead worked on Wall Street at some point, then he had a meltdown, lost every ones money, and then tried to kill himself. These are the only people who stood by him. Except half of them still appear not to like him all that much. Add in the fact that the characters are completely stock, such as the pot head, the bitch, and the guy who runs around with a camera all the time, and you just have zero investment in them.

The tie in to the previous films is that the two people currently running the spa, a brother and sister, are sort of ringleaders for the hillbilly clan, and the guy who's inherited the spa is a long lost relative whose sperm is needed to help keep the family tree going, wretched as it may be.

There are some real nice kills and copious amounts of fun gore, including a poor bastard dying via fire hose in quite possibly the worst way to die via fire hose. The problem is that you have to watch a good amount of inane interaction between the characters before anything really starts to happen, and even when it does it's not very dramatic because who could give a fuck. Would it hurt a movie like this to just have a bunch of people who really like each other and are super cool and friendly with each other. It would certainly carry more emotional weight when they get disemboweled.

Four different chicks get a good amount of naked and they're all pretty hot, but something about the sex and nudity was just off. I dunno, the whole tone of the movie is all over the place and nothing really ever feels coherent enough to enjoy. The leads girlfriend and the sister who runs the spa are both gorgeous blondes and at the end of the day I was much more interested in seeing them naked than I was anything else the movie had to offer, and not just because I'm perpetually horny. Then when they do get naked I was kind of wishing they were in a movie that would utilize their nudity better. It's kind of like when an actor gives a great performance in a shitty movie, except the great performances here are boobies.

Anyway, Wrong Turn 6 has good tits and good gore, a few laughs and a nice wince here and there, but it's buried so deep in a world of characters and a story that are at once unoriginal and verbose, that it just never gains any traction. It doesn't help that the writers seem to veer from intricate to inane in their storytelling, not quite being able decipher one from the other.

There's enjoyment to be had here, and you probably wont feel like you've wasted your time watching it, but there's no particular reason to go out of your way to see it.

[cubboyroy1826]

I really loved Chef which definitely surprised the heck out of me. I liked Edge of Tomorrow and a lot and would put Captain America in my Top 10 for the year as well. Godzilla as definitely entertaining for me which is really what matter most to me without reading too much into things.

Now Noah just did not do it for me. I did like bits and pieces but overall I thought it was just meh.

[Suicane75]

Night Of The Living Dead Resurrection: 20 Out Of 100 Stars
Set in Britain and using the Living Dead moniker for no particular reason other than to drive sales, this long, long, long, long, and boring shit fest opens with 10 minutes of a guy driving a car and finishes with about 80 more minutes of a family inside a house doing nothing much.

If you like zombie movies with very few zombies but lots of family melodrama, this is the joint for you.


Don't Blink: 68 Out Of 100 Stars
Don't Blink starts off looking like it's gonna be a rather strenuous watch, piling 10 young adults up for a trip to a secluded Rocky Mountain resort and testing the viewer for the first 20 minutes or so with the standard jibberish writing and character motivations. But slowly and surely the film builds on a couple of levels. Firstly, the writing and the overacting are silly enough to inspire laughter, and secondly, the mystery as to what's going on is actually very well done. In other words, the shit is enjoyable and the good is engaging. By the films third act, when all of the nonsense is out of the way, it actually becomes rather compelling.

Mena Suvari of American Beauty fame gets top billing alongside Brian Austin Green, but believe it or not, and I'm still having trouble wrapping my head around this, it's Green who carries the film. His performance is quite good and helps center things when Zack Wards overacting could have drug the whole thing down.

There's almost no gore, but the scares come more from the tension and the mind fuck of what's happening.

Yes it's full of tropes, and yes a few of the actors are not all that great, but the visuals are crisp, the film looks nice, and Green and Joanna Kelly are both really good. Throw in a legitimately tense mystery that expertly builds and Don't Blink is a rather fun scare fest that will have you on the edge of your seat and provide more than a few wtf moments.


Paranormal Asylum, The Revenge of Typhoid Mary: 5 Out Of 100 Stars
From the watchers of Paranormal Activity comes A movie so bereft of quality in every aspect of it's production, from conception to final credit, so devoid of a single interesting or original idea, that I hope whoever made it is working in a pizza place right now, wondering what went wrong.

Two guys with Richard Grieco beards want to film a documentary about Typhoid Mary in this bad script where the actors explain everything in great detail in the first 20 minutes so the audience understands exactly how mundanely in depth the writer thinks his characters and story are.

So these two buddies from College, one a horror nut and the other a failed director who looks like Tom Cruise circa 1988 with a chromosome or two missing, along with the horror nuts wife, decide to go into this old asylum where Typhoid Mary died and hook up a bunch of cameras to try and detect ghosts or some shit. Oh goodie, there's nothing I enjoy more than numerous exhilarating shots of computer monitors, complete with the loud squelching and humming that comes with said shots to let us know there's something scary about the nothing that's happening. I also just love when the red "REC" graphic is on screen so much it might as well get top billing. At this point I'd rather watch a documentary on the history of editing software than another shitty movie full of these shitty effects.

At one point while conducting interviews with people somehow related to the Typhoid Mary case, Tom Cruise talks with a young lady whose Uncle was involved. She say's that she doesn't know much about the story but he's welcome to look through a bunch of old documents she's inherited, if he doesn't mind dark, dirty basements. They both react to this statement as if it's sexual innuendo in what appears to be a beguiling attempt to act as if they're flirting.

It just gets worse from there. The guys wife gets possessed when she tries to perform a seance, even though her acknowledged knowledge of seances amounts to "my mom used to do them". This leads to shots DIRECTLY lifted from Paranormal Activity of her laying in a bed with a camera focused on her. Confronted with a catatonic and possessed wife, and "spooky" shit happening to them, they guys lament that this is actually good, because they can probably get rich off of this documentary.

Our two leads argue a lot, leading to scenes of conflict for no other reason than that the writer knows that conflict is a thing that happens between characters in movies, motivations or sense be damned.

There are stupefying scenes involving a scientist and an exorcist that exist only to make what up until this point was a dumb script, into a head shakingly intricate, and if possible, even dumber script.

The acting and writing are horrible. The direction is derivative. The film is dark but lacks any atmosphere and the one or two scares are just cheap jump moments. I've rarely watched an entire movie and been so uncaring about the fates of any of the characters.

This movie is not to content to just suck, it wants to suck in frighteningly intricate detail. I know a few amateur film makers, and I've seen them make some bad movies, but in their heads they've got what they think are really amazing stories. You never wanna be the guy to sit them down and say, whoa buddy, nobody but you could possibly give a shit about any of this, don't max out your credit cards and waste countless peoples lives on this crap. But someone has to. Maybe somebody should start a crisis hotline for this affliction. I don't know anyone involved with creating this movie, but I know for certain that at some point the guy who wrote this thing sat down with his friends and explained the characters and the story, and did it with excitement and joy, full of vigor, resplendent in the awesomeness of his idea. I hope at least one of his friends smacked the living shit out of him.

[stevew]

Originally Posted by Buccaneer

There is likely very bad news on the interwebs - Amazon has shut down BoxOfficeMojo. That site was one that I have visited weekly for over 10 years now, an amazing database of current and historical box office results and analysis. Rumor that some of the information will show up in IMDb's pay site but not nearly to the extent and depth of BOM. I really hate change for the worse.

What?

I remember when it was BrandonGray.com and then briefly boxofficejedi.com. horrible news.

[stevew]

BOM is still up

[Matthean]

Originally Posted by Buccaneer

There is likely very bad news on the interwebs - Amazon has shut down BoxOfficeMojo. That site was one that I have visited weekly for over 10 years now, an amazing database of current and historical box office results and analysis. Rumor that some of the information will show up in IMDb's pay site but not nearly to the extent and depth of BOM. I really hate change for the worse.

It was down for a day and no reason was given.

[Buccaneer]

Sorry, did forget to follow up. It went dark from Thursday to Saturday night and during that time, lots of outcry. Then the numbers for the weekend and dailies came back up but no articles/forecasts/analysis for a few more days. Ray Subers did say that everything was ok with him personally - no emergencies, etc. but nothing more was said. Still lots of speculation, with the best one saying that studio execs/movies business people putting pressure on amazon to keep BOM running and up to date since they rely on that site for business decisions. I think it's obvious that there were/are behind the scenes stuff going on, esp. with amazon/imdb owning BOM and offering similar services. The BOM database is unique (I think) and very valuable (for trends, etc.), even for industry execs. Plus it's quite entertaining.

[revrew]

Whew! That BOMojo news scared me for a minute; I use that site for my job.

But back on topic:

"Fury": 9 out of 10 - Might be the best film of the year, and a movie I far prefer to "Saving Private Ryan." The cinematography is stunning, the performances are rock-solid, top to bottom, the action is gripping, pace is fantastic. I'd pay to go see it again.

My only complaints are that the movie's story isn't as strong as the characters (which are just awesome), so while it was memorable and thought-provoking, it doesn't quite rise to the level of a true "classic," which would ace both character and story. Second complaint is that there's way too much foul language in it. I'm not being prudish - I get that war movies are going to have gritty realism and sometimes there's nothing else to say but f$%#, but sometimes the cussing is so heavy, it detracts from the script and the acting, and I'm thinking, "Is this really the extent of the scriptwriter's vocabulary?" Nonetheless, fantastic movie.

[korme]

The Judge was ok.

Fury was fantastic.

[Suicane75]

Zombies Of Mass Destruction: 38 Out Of 100 Stars
Zombies Of Mass Destruction is that hot chick who seems a little whacky at first, but you can deal with it because, ya know, boobs. But the longer you're around her you realize she's bat shit crazy and it really just isn't worth the trouble anymore.

The story of a small Long Island town that gets overrun with zombies, ZMD opens up with funny characters, crisp dialog and is just all around fun for the first 30 minutes or so. And then it just falls off a god damn cliff with heavy handed preaching, and long, oh so long, drawn out scenes involving anti gay and anti foreigner wackos.

Set in 2003, the main players are an Iranian girl and a gay couple, all 3 of whom are engaging characters and well acted, but then the Zombie outbreak occurs and the movie breaks way the fuck down as A nut job thinks the Iranian girl is a terrorist, and the gay guys end up stuck in a Church with the townsfolk who are convinced that the zombies are a sign of the apocalypse and attempt to convert our gay friends. And it just fucking meanders it's way through most of the last hour, boring and annoying the shit out the viewer.

The shame of it all is that the gore is a ton of fun, and when it wants to be funny it succeeds in spades. Unfortunately it seems more interested in concentrating on silly right wing stereotypes in an attempt to get it's message across. The problem is that when you write your antagonists as silly as possible, the message becomes just as silly. It's lazy, humorless and carries no emotional weight.

Not the strongest recommendation to avoid, but be prepared to bail about halfway through.


Coffin Baby: 17 Out Of 100 Stars
Ughhh. Let's see here, we start out in 1958 and some allusions to a murder that happened, then we fast forward to today where someone or something, who gives a fuck, is terrorizing LA. We know this because every LA landmark that exists gets a shot. Some girls get murdered, a girl who looks like Katie Holmes gets kidnapped, lots of torture porn ensues, the girl yells a lot.

Long, dull scenes of bodies being cut up are interspersed with that appears to be an attempt at a story. Some guy who looks like Eddie Furlong wears a douchey hat and gets interrogated by police in an approximation of acting.

About an hour into the movie Bruce Dern shows up quoting scripture and you'll start to wonder if someone slipped you some acid. Then the movie kind of ties up things you kind of don't understand but certainly don't give a dump about.

The gore is really good but completely wasted. No nudity. I think there's a story, but fuck if I know what it is. The writing is hogwash and the acting is laughable. If you watch this movie in the midst of diarrhea, it'll still be 2nd most artistic thing happening.


100 Bloody Acres: 73 Out Of 100 Stars
There's a good stretch of time in 100 Bloody Acres where you know all the pieces are in place for a really good movie, they just don't quite mesh all together, but then it hits its stride and never looks back.

3 friends on their way to a music festival break down in the Australian country side and get mixed up with a couple of brothers who've developed a rather disturbing way of helping their crops grow. Leaning on very strong performances from Angus Sampson and Damon Herriman as the brothers, the film does take a while to build, but it's full of charm and well worth waiting out the slow build to get to the hilarious final act.

There is a fair amount of gore and some tension early, but this is a comedy through and through. The most engaging thing about the movie is that the characters all develop, they aren't cut and dry from beginning to end. Every decision that the characters make lead to, and affect the next decision they make. It's a strong script is what I'm saying.

There's no nudity, but Anna McGahan as lead female is scrumptious and scantily clad most of the time. The look and soundtrack of the movie are also big pluses.

If you're in the mood to laugh and see some people get shredded up, 100 Bloody Acres is bloody good fun, mate.

[Suicane75]

The Burning: 25 Out Of 100 Stars
From 1981, this Friday The 13th ripoff written by Harvey Weinstein somehow manages to take a camp full of kids, a murderer on the loose and a good amount of naked young women, and bore you to fucking tears.

The story isn't content with not making much sense, but it actually goes out of its way to either not make you give a shit about any of the heroes, or to actively wish death upon them.

We start off five years ago, when Todd and some of his friends are tired of being bullied by the camp groundskeeper, so they decide to try and scare him with a little prank involving a skull and some candles. Shit goes real wrong real quick though, and the poor groundskeeper ends up getting burned to a crisp.

Fast forward to present day and good old Todd is a counselor at another camp across the way from where HE WAS RESPONSIBLE FOR BURNING ANOTHER MAN ALIVE. But fear not, Todd is really a good guy, just going about his life, trying to help the kids through their awkward teenage years.

Among the kids in the camp are Jason Alexander and Fisher Stevens, both of whom put their naked asses proudly on display if that was ever a thing you thought you might want to see. There are a pair of toughs who are always pinning their sweethearts in spots they don't want to be in and borderline raping them. The girls are always like "no, no, no...giggle...giggle". Then there's Alfred, who I think we're supposed to be rooting for, even though he spends most of his time peeping in the girls shower and acting weird as shit, and then moaning about how nobody likes him. He spends most of the movie with a look on his face reminiscent of a 6 year old seeing an airplane for the first time.

So Todd and another counselor are taking the kids on an overnight canoeing trip right near where he burned that dude to a crisp 5 years ago. Then, just because he's a massive cock, he sits the kids down at the campfire and recounts the tale of what happened that night. Of course the kids think it's just a made up story, but everyone watching at home is just like, "what a fucking cock this guy is".

From there we get a slew of unimaginative kills on kids we don't care about. The gore is nothing special at all, and I'm wondering if maybe this isn't supposed to be a camp for visually impaired kids, because the killer is always about a foot away from them and yet they never see the guy. There's a particularly perplexing scene where a bunch of kids are on a makeshift raft in the middle of a river and somehow not a single one of them can avoid getting chopped to pieces.

The climactic scene takes place in what somehow appears to be both ancient ruins, and an old mineshaft, in the middle of the woods. The tension just builds and builds as we watch people run in circles and peer around corners for what feels like forever. Mercifully it ends in a whirlwind of 'action' and flashbacks that are hard to tell apart, and certainly unneeded.

The story is lame enough, even if the main characters weren't dull dickheads. But then you layer on the complete lack of atmosphere and the redundant kills and all you're left with are a few pair of pretty bouncing boobies. There are apparently some folks, a large number in fact, who consider this a classic. They're idiots.

[NobodyHere]

Remind me not to let Suicane pick movies for my Saturday Night.

[JonInMiddleGA]

Originally Posted by NobodyHere

Remind me not to let Suicane pick movies for my Saturday Night.

I assume he's doing penance for some vile crime

[Suicane75]

I prefer to know as little as possible about a movie before I watch it. Doesn't always work out. Ya just gotta take the good with the bad.

[Julio Riddols]

Facts of Life: The Movie, next on JoeLovesMovies

[Qwikshot]

John Wick:

Had a child free weekend and took the wife out to the movies...three options were Gone Girl, Fury or John Wick.

I ruled out Gone Girl because I had no interest in the discussion that would follow it.

I wanted something not so heavy handed as Fury.

So I persuaded the wife with John Wick which starts with the death of Wick's wife and then his wife's last gift to him, a puppy dog, by some snot nosed Russian mob's kid and cohorts (this is not a spoiler).

Keanu playing John as sad Keanu and then nearly angry Point Break Keanu, does a pretty good job.

The movie is a brisk, nice action style piece that you can zone out and just watch it play out. Nice bits for the kid from Game of Thrones (Reek, not Joffrey, I would have paid more to see Joffrey in the bad mob kid role). You also get bits from Willem Dafoe (very short next to Keanu), Ian McShane, and the guy who was in the Warriors ("Warriors Come out to PLAY-AEEE). And even John Leguizamo in a very short, non-annoying bit. Even the Allstate Insurance guy "Mayhem" is in this film.

Again, it starts quick and moves quick as John Wick (described as "focused" in the movie) goes all out (There is a throwaway line describing Wick as "a guy who killed three dudes with a pencil" and all I was thinking was well, that's two more than the Joker).

Still, it was stylized violence and action that never deviated from that, there was no romance, no sub-plots. Just a relentless rolling action as Wick squares off against the dog-killer (no not Michael Vick) and then the mob boss who in a very meta way, knows there is no other outcome.

There is nothing deep about this film, there is no message (other than to not piss John Wick off) and it does come full circle. It's a movie I could rewatch on an afternoon or weekend, not really quotable, but something easy to digest.

I guess what I'm saying is that it's a good flick with nothing further significant. It's a movie you and watch and wander off. But it's good for what it is, and it wasn't dull.

You know how it ends as soon as you get into your seat, it's how the character gets there than makes it worthwhile.

[Suicane75]

Re-Animator: 28 Out Of 100 Stars
Fuck you Re-Animator. Fuck you right in your stupid fucking face. And fuck me for thinking with my pants and going against my better judgement just because Barbara Crampton gets her boobies out.

Sweet lord is this a stupid fucking movie. I mean...sweet lord is this a stupid fucking movie. There's not a single fucking thing in the entire film that doesn't seem like it was thought up on the fly as a way to fill time before the special effects take over.

Barbara Crampton, who I first saw in Body Double when I was like 11 or so, and who is pretty much responsible for me ruining the tape heads on my first VCR, stars as the daughter of a Dean at a medical school. She's dating the hot shot med student and all is good in the world until a creepy fucker shows up and starts killing cats and bringing dead people kind of back to life. Oh, and there may be a vampire too, but that kind of gets dropped halfway through the movie.

I have to believe that lot of this movie was left on the cutting room floor and something bad happened during the editing process. I have to believe that for my own sanity. The performances range from bad to baffling. A couple of the characters I'm not even sure what they were doing, I've got a theory that much like an improv exercise, some of the actors just switched characters from time to time. Crampton is naked a few times, and it is glorious, but unfortunately most of her screen time is spent acting.

If you know anything about this movie it's probably because of the sort of iconic gore and in particular a scene where a dismembered head gives Ms. Crampton a good licking. But the truth is that a lot of the effects are pretty cheesy, and not just because of age, so the movie doesn't even really excel in that regard. God damn it's just terrible.

I've never gotten a good vibe from this movie. And despite what my better angels were telling me, I just couldn't resist the idea of a movie full of Barabara Crampton running around naked. I'd like to say I've learned my lesson, but I have Bride Of Re-Animator sitting right here, and like the song says, "nothing like a bad decision says who you are".


Bride Of Re-Animator: 34 Out Of 100 Stars
A little better, but still no. Just, no.

Doctors Cain and West are back for more hijinks in this sequel that's a little better, if only because it dismisses with all the pretenses of story, but it's still fucking stupid. Barbara Crampton is not back for this installment. I guess even she has her standards. Instead we get a double shot of Kathleen Kinmont & Fabiana Udenio, both of whom you'll recognize if you watched TV in the 90's.

Fresh off a tour of duty as medics in the Peruvian civil war, and I can only imagine that the writers of this movie have a particular fondness for Peru and it's exports, the doctors return home to continue their research and bring more dead things back to life.

Maybe it's just me, but a movie this cheesy, this insanely silly, this fucking ridiculous, ought to be a lot more fun than it is.

If you can hang in till the end there are some really good gross out moments and the gore overall is better. The wild combinations of body parts spliced together, such as the 4 fingers with an eye, that gets loose and run around the house, are funny but not particularly worth enduring the rest of the film.

I guess my main complaint is that the movie seems to honest to goodness be taking itself very seriously in a lot of the dramatic moments, and while it's funny in its ridiculousness, it just kind of falls flat.

I think this may be a series that I just don't, maybe you'll have a better time, but I don't suggest you risk it.


The Slumber Party Massacre: 65 Out Of 100 Stars
Yes, yes, yes. A bunch of teenage girls are having a slumber party, and there will be a massacre.

From 1982, this little diddy is a wonderful nostalgia piece. Harkening back to a bygone era of metal trash cans that you just threw anything in, $6 pizzas, having to give the police your address when you call, teenage girls taking gym without any bras on, dumping half a bag of sugar in a glass pitcher to make Kool-Aid, and when going all the way still meant something.

Short on story but long on boobs and bludgeoning, Slumber Party Massacre is by no means a good movie, but it gives you exactly what it suggests it will, and I applaud that.

A bunch of teenage girls are going to have a get together later tonight to reminisce and celebrate their friendship. No boys allowed. Of course the boys will show up, and they'll wish they hadn't. Also not invited is the next door neighbor, the new girl in town who isn't quite yet part of the clique. Why they decided to have a slumber party on the same night a mass murderer has broken out of jail I'll never know.

Most of the dialog is cheesily laughable and looks like it was done in one take, but it's delivered by half naked girls so who gives a shit. The overall quality of the girls isn't stellar but there are a couple of lookers, and honestly it's the cheese that carries it, the gratuitous shower scenes & nudity is just the cherry on the sundae.

So the girls get some beers and some doobs and argue about last nights Dodgers game, even going so far as to call their gym teacher to ask how the runs were scored. Where the fuck were these girls when I was in High School? Some boys show up of course, and it's all downhill from there.

Once the head cutting starts, it's a barrage of bad decisions, inept escape attempts, and face palmed reasoning. The chuckles come fast and furious as a group of 6 teenagers can't figure out a fucking way to escape the house or get the attention of another living soul in the middle of a residential neighborhood. Even when faced with imminent doom, the girls still have time to sit on the living room floor, cowering in fear, and complain of being hungry. It's a good thing that pizza guy made it. Well, sort of made it.

The killer, looking somewhat like Mojo Nixon on amphetamines, is a blast, especially during the climactic chase scenes. The slow motion screams of terror that sound more like burps only add to the films ambiance.

While there's nothing groundbreaking or extra stellar, SPM delivers all the key elements to a good slasher flick and hits all the right notes to make it an enjoyable watch. You'll enjoy this Slumber Party. One way or another, some girls are getting drilled.