How to (successfully) hit on a coworker.

[Flasch186]

No offense

But you don’t seem to be learning from any of the experiences, successes and failures

Sit back and look at all that’s been accomplished and all of the things you’ve learned, good and bad, and lean in


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[Edward64]

Originally Posted by NobodyHere

I've always heard this as well. I also read an article saying that this isn't true. The reason being that unemployed people have less leverage when it comes to salary.

For example, if someone tries to hire me, they have to make sure I am fit for the job, I have to make sure the job is a fit for me. Also the recruiter has to beat my current salary or make up for it in other ways. In addition I would give my current employer a chance match any offer received.

Staying put is an option for me. For someone who is unemployed and has bills to pay, it isn't. So therefore a recruiter has more leverage.

Plus in addition it's just easier to arrange interviews with someone who isn't working a full time job. For me the only time I have available is lunch unless the recruiter wants to talk to me in the evening.

Just my 2 cents. Take it FWIW.

In the 80-20 rule, it's true for the 80. Especially true when we are going into an uncertain economy.

There is no doubt there are more layoffs especially in tech. Your company may not be in tech and you are only support IT staff, but know that those laid off tech people will be your competition.

There's the psychological bent too where after rejections (and you will very likely get them), you will start questioning why you quit before finding another job. As your search extends from 1 to 2 to 3 etc. weeks without success, it'll mess with you. You'll also likely have 1st-2nd-3rd choice and what will you do if 3rd choice comes in but 1st-2nd are pending. Job search looks different after 2 months of interviews & rejections.

Why do that to yourself when you have a "sure thing" with your current job. The instant gratification in saying FU is not worth the risk. Oh yeah, your chances finding meaningful dates as a "38 year old balding short guy" is even worse as a "38 year old balding, unemployed short guy".

The interview use case is not a real real issue. Plenty of people do it. Heck, I've gone out to my car and interviewed (just park where you have reliable connection). I've conducted early evening interviews etc. The recruiter & potential employer will understand.

[NobodyHere]

Originally Posted by Flasch186

No offense

But you don’t seem to be learning from any of the experiences, successes and failures

Sit back and look at all that’s been accomplished and all of the things you’ve learned, good and bad, and lean in


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Can you elaborate a little bit please?

[Flasch186]

Where this started…

You had no confidence that you would even find someone… but you did. You started a group that you thought that you would enjoy. You did things that you thought that you would enjoy. You took your shot with the girl and scored. You should have a ton of confidence. Did it work forever this time? No, but did you accomplish a ton of goals? Sure did! But you’re acting and typing like nothing happened. That’s bullshit.

Did you do some things wrong? Yeah maybe, so you committed some errors. Move on to the next pitch knowing that you’ll be less likely to commit the same error next time.

So take what you’ve learned, focus on the positives and grow that confidence because you’re the Fn man and start doing the things you like again without thinking so much about ‘them’ and it’ll all work out (again).


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[JonInMiddleGA]

Originally Posted by Flasch186

Where this started ... So take what you've learned ....

Lord knows, I'm far from anybody's Mister Positivity and spreading sunshine isn't my bag, but this ain't a bad take at all.

The thread overall seems solidly tilted toward the pros rather than the cons.

[NobodyHere]

Okay, I put my social life on line the for May 13th. I'm hosting a camping event in which I've invited everyone my social group. Wish me luck.

[Mota]

Originally Posted by NobodyHere

Okay, I put my social life on line the for May 13th. I'm hosting a camping event in which I've invited everyone my social group. Wish me luck.

What is your goal with this event?

And how did it go with the girl that gave you her number last week?

[Edward64]

Good luck!

I love sitting around a campfire and watching the flames (and avoiding the wind direction).

[NobodyHere]

So this should be an interesting weekend.

I have a walk in the park scheduled tomorrow morning but there is rain in the forecast so who knows who attends.

I'm scheduled to attend a bowling event in the evening hosted by my ex. At last I heard she was seeing another guy but her facebook page says she's single so I get figure out what that is about.

[NobodyHere]

Also my boss left early in the day and I sent him an email asking for a raise. So that should be a fun Monday morning.

[NobodyHere]

So I attended an evening hosting by my ex. Which was a huge mistake because she trashed talked me in front of them crowd. I was willing to try maintain a good friendship between us before then. But now it is over.

[Mota]

The general rule is that if you didn't like each other enough to keep dating, you probably won't like each other enough to be friends. The resentment will carry over from one to the other.

[NobodyHere]

So how does a person determine if a woman is interested in dating versus just being a good friend?

I mean other than growing a pair and directly asking.

[NobodyHere]

Also I should be getting a raise this week. Yay me.

[Brian Swartz]

Originally Posted by NobodyHere

I mean other than growing a pair and directly asking.

This is the answer. Some people are better than others are reading people/their intentions, but that's always fraught with the risk of misunderstanding & wrong assumptions. If it's important enough for you to know, ask.

[Flasch186]

At your age it’s an automatic assumption that they want your D. Then you walk that back if you learn otherwise. Do you need 1000 female friends? No no you do not.


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[Mota]

Originally Posted by NobodyHere

So how does a person determine if a woman is interested in dating versus just being a good friend?

I mean other than growing a pair and directly asking.

Is she going to group events with you, or trying to get you to smaller (or one on one) situations? Nothing will happen with you and 12 close friends, but if she's trying to get to know you better, it will be in more intimate situations.

[NobodyHere]

Originally Posted by Mota

Is she going to group events with you, or trying to get you to smaller (or one on one) situations? Nothing will happen with you and 12 close friends, but if she's trying to get to know you better, it will be in more intimate situations.

She did treat me to a beer for my birthday yesterday. But that was after one my walks which I will say was rather well attended.

Next weekend I have a camping event scheduled (ie join me for the evening for kayaking and campfire cooking but you don't have to stay the night) and right now she is the only RSVP.

[NobodyHere]

Originally Posted by Brian Swartz

This is the answer. Some people are better than others are reading people/their intentions, but that's always fraught with the risk of misunderstanding & wrong assumptions. If it's important enough for you to know, ask.

Well if I can get her alone one my camping event this weekend I swear I will tell her my feelings about her or else my FOFC username isn't Lathum.

[Flasch186]

Perhaps there needs to be a boat and mattress on this camping trip

For the implications


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[Mota]

Originally Posted by NobodyHere

Well if I can get her alone one my camping event this weekend I swear I will tell her my feelings about her or else my FOFC username isn't Lathum.

Can you make the event invisible while not cancelling it? Then it will be just you and the special lady.
"It's so weird, we were the only 2 RSVP's!"

[NobodyHere]

Originally Posted by Mota

Can you make the event invisible while not cancelling it? Then it will be just you and the special lady.
"It's so weird, we were the only 2 RSVP's!"

She's the only one signed up to attend so it might be just us two anyways. I think rain is scaring other people away.

[NobodyHere]

In other good news as of yesterday morning I was only overweight and not obese. So between that and getting a raise that has raised my confidence quite a bit.

[Lathum]

Originally Posted by NobodyHere

Well if I can get her alone one my camping event this weekend I swear I will tell her my feelings about her or else my FOFC username isn't Lathum.

Don't tell her. Show her.

[Mota]

Originally Posted by NobodyHere

She's the only one signed up to attend so it might be just us two anyways. I think rain is scaring other people away.

Does the app show how many people have RSVP'd? If so, that's probably a good sign that she is still signed up.

[NobodyHere]

Originally Posted by Mota

Does the app show how many people have RSVP'd? If so, that's probably a good sign that she is still signed up.

Yes it does show RSVPs. And actually in the last couple days a fair number of people signed up so there will be a total of 8. I think it was because they are no longer calling for rain in the forecast.

[Mota]

A forest orgy is in order here. Do your best. Hopefully the 8 RSVP's aren't all dudes.

[NobodyHere]

Originally Posted by Mota

A forest orgy is in order here. Do your best. Hopefully the 8 RSVP's aren't all dudes.

I'm expecting a 5 guys/3 gals ratio here.

Although to be honest I'm kind of cooled on the woman. She's a good ear to talk to but I don't know if she would be good for a relationship.

Who knows I may inquire anyways just to see. She's conservative on the outside but maybe she has a freaky inside.

[sovereignstar v2]

A forest orgy you say? How much LSD is on hand?

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[NobodyHere]

Originally Posted by sovereignstar v2

A forest orgy you say? How much LSD is on hand?

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Toledo metroparks pretty much don't allow alcohol, but they have zero mention of LSD. So I assume that means I can use as much as I want.

[Izulde]

Originally Posted by Flasch186

At your age it’s an automatic assumption that they want your D. Then you walk that back if you learn otherwise. Do you need 1000 female friends? No no you do not.


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Me with 1000 female friends:

[NobodyHere]

Originally Posted by Brian Swartz

This is the answer. Some people are better than others are reading people/their intentions, but that's always fraught with the risk of misunderstanding & wrong assumptions. If it's important enough for you to know, ask.

Well I did have a camping event and I did have a great time. We cooked some food and played Euchre (which is a card game for you non-midwestern folks).

And the woman (I have no idea what fake names I have used so far let's call her Corrina) I did want to get alone actually stayed for about 3 hours after everyone else left. She basically vented to me about what was going on about her life and I told her a little about mine. I did tell her I had feelings for her but I got the "I know but let's just be friends" response. I'm disappointed of course but I'm glad to have her as a friend. I've vented my problems to her in the past and I'm actually glad she trusted me enough to vent her problems to me.

She is also friends with my ex. A couple weeks ago the three of us (with other people) attended the same event together. My ex made IMO an extremely rude comment about me and I dropped out of attending future events with her. I did text her about it and basically got a non-apology. Well according to Corrina my ex has been going full Karen since then. She dropped out of our meetup group and has apparently been drinking more and putting on weight.

Anyways stayed tuned next week for the latest chapter in my sordid love life.

[NobodyHere]

So ummm, I did hit on my coworker by asking her out to dinner. (It only took a year and a half since the start of this thread)

She did say yes.

But there is one issue I kind of don't want to mention on a public board.

[GrantDawg]

She is wanted in three states?

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[Flasch186]

She hates football


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[NobodyHere]

Originally Posted by GrantDawg

She is wanted in three states?

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I would be bragging about that.

I've always wanted a woman who was facing a death sentence in 12 systems.

[Lathum]

She has a dick?

[Kodos]

So just how closely related are you?

[Mota]

She is married.

[Lathum]

This feels like the "fudge a bank statement" thread where we were all having a grand old time until we found out the real reason.

[Kodos]

Just how many grandparents do you share?

[NobodyHere]

Originally Posted by Lathum

This feels like the "fudge a bank statement" thread where we were all having a grand old time until we found out the real reason.

Sadly the result isn't nearly as entertaining.

[sovereignstar v2]

Denise Handicapped

[sterlingice]

Her name is HornsManiac?


SI

[NobodyHere]

Originally Posted by sterlingice

Her name is HornsManiac?


SI

Not anything even remotely that bad.

[sterlingice]

Originally Posted by NobodyHere

Not anything even remotely that bad.

Mr Smith (from The Matrix): "Kyle, would you like to tell us about NobodyHere"


SI

[Solecismic]

It's hard to remember exactly, and I don't want to go through all 15 pages, but I think Barbara was the original co-worker, but made it clear she wasn't interested. Corinna was the co-worker who was trying to get them both together. Then there was some drama about Corinna perhaps being in an abusive marriage. But that doesn't quite fit recent statements and there is some confusion as to whether Barbara is now Corinna or this Corinna is completely new (we'll call this the Second Corinna Theory) and just showed up at the camping event.

What's so shameful that it can't be mentioned on this board? If it's the original Corinna, generally, when women reach the point where they're complaining about husbands to their co-workers, divorce is around the corner.

So perhaps she's newly separated or considering separation, in which case advice would be (not that he ever takes advice) NO, DON'T BE THAT GUY. Easy score, but it's not cool, especially if children are involved.

If it's the original Barbara, then the issue might be that she's made it clear that it's not romantic and he's still hoping otherwise. Or he's already killed her and needs advice for disposing of or eating (this is Ohio, after all) the body.

If it's Corinna2 or a co-worker other than Corinna1 or Barbara, then it could be anything. My first thought was the same as Lathum's - it's a whole new world out there right now and if I weren't quite happily married, I'd probably just sit out the '20s dating experience out of "what the hell is going on out there, idiots." Or she's underage. Or a Trump supporter. Neither of which you would want to discuss on the board. Or she might have a communicable disease, or her suggested first date is at a Furry convention and she wears a tail to the office. The possibilities are endless.

[NobodyHere]

Originally Posted by Solecismic

What's so shameful that it can't be mentioned on this board?

It's not shameful, just more personal.

[NobodyHere]

Originally Posted by Solecismic

It's hard to remember exactly, and I don't want to go through all 15 pages, but I think Barbara was the original co-worker, but made it clear she wasn't interested. Corinna was the co-worker who was trying to get them both together. Then there was some drama about Corinna perhaps being in an abusive marriage. But that doesn't quite fit recent statements and there is some confusion as to whether Barbara is now Corinna or this Corinna is completely new (we'll call this the Second Corinna Theory) and just showed up at the camping event.

What's so shameful that it can't be mentioned on this board? If it's the original Corinna, generally, when women reach the point where they're complaining about husbands to their co-workers, divorce is around the corner.

So perhaps she's newly separated or considering separation, in which case advice would be (not that he ever takes advice) NO, DON'T BE THAT GUY. Easy score, but it's not cool, especially if children are involved.

If it's the original Barbara, then the issue might be that she's made it clear that it's not romantic and he's still hoping otherwise. Or he's already killed her and needs advice for disposing of or eating (this is Ohio, after all) the body.

If it's Corinna2 or a co-worker other than Corinna1 or Barbara, then it could be anything. My first thought was the same as Lathum's - it's a whole new world out there right now and if I weren't quite happily married, I'd probably just sit out the '20s dating experience out of "what the hell is going on out there, idiots." Or she's underage. Or a Trump supporter. Neither of which you would want to discuss on the board. Or she might have a communicable disease, or her suggested first date is at a Furry convention and she wears a tail to the office. The possibilities are endless.

It's hard for me to keep up with all this as well.

Barbara is the coworker I recently asked out to dinner, and we ended up negotiating a brunch. It turns out it was the wrong weekend to ask her out as it is the first anniversary of her mom's death

Corrina is a now former coworker who I mentioned is in an abusive relationship. She is currently in the Philippines looking after her dying mother. And she won't divorce or cheat, she's an extremely loyal person.

I meant to use the name Claire for the woman I told I had feelings for. I believe that's what I used earlier in the thread. I accidently used Corinna again. Apologies for any confusion.

[korme]

I'm so sorry that I've been late to this party.

I go on my share of dates so I'll hopefully be able to provide some advice.

But my number one piece of advice is betterhelp.com