By The Nine! - FM 2013 9 Level Dynasty

[Brian Swartz]

Originally Posted by Izulde

47 - I look for something to throw with full fury and find a sock. But the angle turns out as fucking limp-wristed as this shit fucking team is and just flutters to the floor a fucking half-foot from my desk. 1-2

*Ding* round three ... what do we have for the losers? Another year in exotic Eastern Counties Premier!

Oh, and you can never have enough Gordon Ramsay.

[Izulde]

Originally Posted by Brian Swartz

*Ding* round three ... what do we have for the losers? Another year in exotic Eastern Counties Premier!

Oh, and you can never have enough Gordon Ramsay.

Agreed on GR. Kitchen Nightmares does get a bit tiresome after a while, but Hell's Kitchen and Masterchef are two of my favorite brain candy shows.

(7th) @ Hadleigh United (12th)
Same lineup because I'm trying to build up familiarity, although I notice that's damned near impossible to do with an Amateur team.

3 - The garbage play continues, as they should've scored there.

10 - Post bails us out.

14 - No saving on that one. Worse, it's that traitor George Jones who does it. 0-1

31 - Whatever. I just want this season over with. 0-2

40 - Husbands retrieves a loose ball and runs to the left flank before passing it to [b]Allison/b], who immediately continues the assembly line by giving it up to Green on the perimeter of the box. Bada bing, bada bang, the lead's cut in half 1-2

44 - Allison fires a shot and the keeper deflects it, but our left midfielder chases the ball down as it sits on the touchline. The long cross to Serwin turns to naught despite the Polish striker sitting on it to wait for an opening, so he kicks it back to Frempong just outside the six yard box. Before Frogpond can do anything, he's drilled from behind and we're awarded the free kick. Green steps up and hammers home the late equalizer for his second goal in just 4 minutes 2-2

53 - Off comes Kouassi, who is having a dreary day. Frempong moves out to MR and Chris Hirst occupies the MC spot.

60 - Asllani switches in for Burnell

71 - Unbelievable miss by them.

81 - Pitt gets possession and passes it to Hirst. Husbands takes the long ball and rockets it to Serwin, who makes an amazing run to center and fires. The defense blocks it, but Green, who's been shadowing behind, shoots it on the volley and it blazes into the nets for what I think is the first hat-trick of this dynasty. 3-2

87 - Vasey's goal kick finds Green all alone and racing towards the goal, but his shot clanks off the post. Ronnie Linsdale pulls off his warmup and goes in for Allison to help preserve the lead in the waning minutes of the game.

88 - There's a whole lot of back and forth between the keeper and the defense, and even when they do start to move forward, we're pressing them back and back until finally there's a pass going to the keeper again. This time he kicks it, and Frempong intercepts. He exchanges passes with Green and then Frogpond is playing a beautiful ball for Serwin. The Pole runs past all the defenders and strikes it true to guarantee us the 3 points. 4-2

9.6 for Ronnie Green, 8.4 for Mariusz Serwin and 7.6 for a certain Michigander's favorite player, Kwasi "Frongpond" Frempong.

8 games left. Kirkley & Pakefield and Ely City are battling for the promotion spot with 46 and 45 points respectively. From there it's a steep drop down to Haverhill Rovers with 36 points. We're 6th with 33 points, so a third place finish is a very real possibility.

He was tired of not getting first time action, so Matty Campbell signs with Walsham-le-Willows, which is fine. Chris Allison and Evans Kouassi have the starting spots locked down and even if Kouassi falters, Kwasi Frempong is next in line anyway.

6th vs Ely City (2nd)
Remember these assholes? The ones who hurt 3 of my players in one game? Look, I don't give a shit who wins the league, but I really want to beat these guys. Only it's postponed due to water.

Good Trains
Moses Jjunju
Alex West

Bad Trains
Kwasi Frempong

$1.22k lost last month. So under the current loan conditions, we're not expected to have it paid off until 2038. Does the board ever buy out the loan before then if we make enough money?

And now with the FM 14 on Steam sale, I have to decide whether I want to get that and the Level 11 mod (and start off two levels lower even!) or continue this one.

[Brian Swartz]

I vote continue, for the following reasons:

** I need more of your profane adventures in (mis?) management.

** FrogPond. End of argument.

** Most seriously, I've tried the extreme low-level mods before and from the discussion about the level 11 one I think it's the same: there's a lot of strangeness that detracts from the experience due to the limitations of the game.

Of course, you should do whatever floats your boat ultimately.

[Izulde]

I thought the Steam sale went on for longer than it did, so that's a miss on FM 14 for me. The good news? This dynasty continues! Yay?

Anyway, we sit around for like 3 weeks doing nothing, because at this point, we have no realistic shot at the title and I'd rather wait for the offseason before deciding what to do next with this roster and this team.

On second thought, we're going to start looking at tactical changes now.

But before we do that, Luke Rutherford goes to Walsham-le-Willows, and Taylor Smith goes out for 2-3 weeks with injury.

(7th) vs Ely City (2nd)
So the lineup is the same, but the FBs go into a Support role, the center midfielder takes on a CM role, the AMC become an Attacking Midfielder who attacks rather than supports, and my Advanced Forward becomes a Target Man instead.

12 - Frempong intercepts and passes to Kouassi, who sends it to Serwin. The Pole holds up due to pressure from the defense and then lays a gorgeous ball into space that sees Kouassi run up and kick it into the nets. 1-0

25 - He gets beat out initially but Elam makes great recovery to go and get the ball before clearing it to Husbands. Long run down the left flank by our St. Lucian, who then kicks it to Allison inside the box. The defender slides in hard to dispossess, injuring our left midfielder, but the tackle's karmically paid for by Green being right there on the far post to drill the doubler. 2-0

43 - Crazy set of passes here that starts with Wells getting the clearing header. Husbands eventually has it on the left wing and he crosses to Kouassi, who looks like he's trying for a shot, but it instead goes to Frempong, who kicks it up to Allison. The ball bounces back to Kouassi and he goes to cross it for Husbands, but it instead takes a weird bend and drops into the net. 3-0

Man... those adjustments appear to be paying off fabulously this game. They've had a couple shots at us that I've seen, but overall, we are just destroying these guys.

50 - They should have scored there. Completely disorganized approach by them.

62 - We've generated no pressure this half, so Linsdale comes on for Allison, Frempong shifts right, and Hirst pops on to replace the tired but brilliantly played Kouassi

65 - Post unfairly denied them there.

71 - Husbands is knocked and we draw the penalty. He's supposed to take it but he's hobbling so he asks Linsdale to take it for him apparently... and despite crossbar shakiness, it goes in! 4-0

85 - Frempong to Green to Husbands... and he misses the sitter. I'm pulling him before he gets hurt worse. In goes Clegg.

Man, we just nailed this game! 8.4 for Jake Wells, 7.7 for Tim Pitt, 8.1 for Kwasi Frempong, 8.9 and MoM for Evans Kouassi, and 8.2s for Ronnie Green and Michael Husbands.

Unfortunately Michael Husbands is out 2 weeks, but considering he's had a major decline this year, it may not be a bad idea to look and see what else we have for the future.

Good Trains
Chris Allison
Darren Vasey
Dean Allison
Kris Turnrow

Bad Trains
Alex West

Board still very pleased. We lost $886 last month.

(5th) vs Kirkley & Pakefield (1st)
My my my. Nothing like running the gauntlet here, eh? As it turns out, Michael Husbands busted his butt and is ready to play again right now, so in he'll go as we try to knock these guys down, too.

23 - Pitt fiercely knocks down a ball to Kouassi, who engineers a long sequence that finishes off by knocking back to Wells. Our 6'8 behemoth jackhammers it to Allison who does a little run and near post pass to Husbands, and the St. Lucian finds the seam in the goal to end his drought 1-0

35 - Damn 25 yard free kick goals 1-1

41 - Just terrible defending 1-2

Asllani and Hirst go in for Pitt and Frempong at the break, but overall, we've stunk to hog heaven.

77 - Heh 1-3

86 - Srsly? 1-4

Yeah, that was just fucking pathetic all around. Total 180 from that first game.

The youth candidates destroy the U18s 4-2, so I'm just going to go ahead and sign everyone my assman says to, and just get it over with.

(5th) @ Felistowe & Walton United (15th)
Getting the start today are Chris Hirst and Ronnie Linsdale at MC and ML. Also Egzon Asllani at DC in place of Leon Burnell, just to give a rest to some of the guys who loused it last outing.

Completely garbage first half, that's for sure. And that goes for both teams. Asllani at me when I very calmly tell the team to pull their heads out of their asses.

53 - I've seen enough. Off goes Hirst, in goes Wayne Phillips.

58 - And just like that, Phillips makes the key interception and passes to Serwin's feet. The Pole chips a pass up to the St. Lucian and Husbands knocks it home. 1-0

78 - Asllani throws in to Husbands, who sends it to the far post where Serwin's head finds the ball and puts it away. Allison comes in at ML immediately after the score 2-0

8.7 and MoM from Mariusz Serwin, 8.2 from Michael Husbands and 7.6 from Jake Wells are the three standout performances that really carried us today.

We're now in 4th on goal differential with 39 points, and we're guaranteed to finish no worse than 14th with 5 games to go. Kirkeley & Pakefield have 54 points to Ely City's 48 and then Haverhill Rovers are 3rd with 41, so K&P is in very good shape right now in their essential two-way battle for the crown and promotion.

[Izulde]

Originally Posted by Brian Swartz

I vote continue, for the following reasons:

** I need more of your profane adventures in (mis?) management.

** FrogPond. End of argument.

** Most seriously, I've tried the extreme low-level mods before and from the discussion about the level 11 one I think it's the same: there's a lot of strangeness that detracts from the experience due to the limitations of the game.

Of course, you should do whatever floats your boat ultimately.

Obvs continuing, but Frogpond may find himself coming off the bench for a while.

Kirkley & Pakefield beat Ely City 3-1 last match incidentally - hence the wider margin of the lead than before.

Haverhill Rovers keeps trying to steal Jake Wells, and it's really pissing me off.

4th vs Brantham Athletic (15th)
It's going to be Wayne Phillips getting the start today at MC, as he's had Jake Wells style great games whenever he's been on the pitch. Otherwise, everything's the same as last game, including Ronnie Linsdale getting another crack at ML.

2 - Beautiful arrow after a throw-in of Kouassi, Green, Serwin for the wham-bam goal. But we've had epic starts like this before and gone to pot 1-0

7 - Seriously ref? That was waaaay late on the offsides call and it was complete BS. Green was totally onsides!

18 - Elam throw-in to Green who gives it right back. Then our left defender hits a beautiful arc to the head of a wide open Serwin ...and the Pole shanks it. Argh!

40 - Kouassi recovers a cleared shot by Husbands and kicks it to Pitt. A chip to Green and back to Husbands follows, and the St. Lucian's fouled in the penalty box! He converts the resulting PK despite the opposing goalkeeper looking all hulking Spiderman arms! 2-0

A bunch of guys are looking lacksidasical at the half so I tell them to not screw up in the second half. Half the team looks more focused, the other half just looks confused. Oy vey.

52 - Asllani commits a penalty foul in the box, and they convert. Ugh. Frempong on for Phillips 2-1

80 - Allison replaces the tired Linsdale

Our performance dropped off a bit in the second half, but not enough to rip them for it. 8.1 for Mariusz Serwin, our only player above a 7.1, and that's his second straight MoM outing.

And I just got a potential lead on a job I have to go write a resume and cover letter for, so I'll be back later today.

[Izulde]

My staff hates Ronnie Green, but his 7.44 average rating just happens to rank third in the league, so they can STFU.

Good Trains
Michael Husbands
Alex West

Bad Trains
Chris Allison
Jake Wells
Symon James

We lost $757 last month, but the board's delighted with how we've been doing.

4th @ Woodbridge Town (5th)
We'll stick with the lineup we have.

5 - Wow, talk about getting screwed. There's no way Wells was offside on his diving header goal that he picked up after Phillips nodded it to him upon retrieving a cleared corner.

19 - We sure seem to give up a lot of long goals. 0-1

37 - WTF?! HE WAS FUCKING OFFSIDES AS SHIT! FUCK YOU REF! 0-2

Jason Frost goes in for Serwin at ST and Green is pulled as we switch to a flat 4-4-2 with Frempong becoming the supporting Advanced Playmaker.

You damn sure bet I screamed at the team, by the way.

72 - Kouassi does much of the direction in this attack on the right flank, including a beautiful rainbow shot to Husbands, who forcefully hits it home. To be honest, this looked a shit ton more offsides to me than the Wells header, but they don't call it. 1-2

73 - Frost runs down a cannon kick from Vasey and gets it right on the corner kick spot, where he hangs it in for Husbands, who suddenly finds his finishing form and sinks this, too. 2-2

Naturally Michael Husbands and his 8.8 are MoM, but nod to Evans Kouassi for his 7.3. We did get screwed with the offsides call, and Husbands had a last second shot lined up when the ref blew the whistle. So even though the announces say Woodbridge Town should have won, I feel like we should have.

Ely City beats Kirkley & Pakefield in the Eastern Counties Senior Cup. Too bad for EC that K&P has all but clinched the promotion spot.

4th vs Mildenhall Town (7th)
We'll run with the flat 4-4-2 we did in the second half of the last game, with Kwasi Frempong playing the supporting Advanced Playmaker role at the other MC spot. Jason Frost also will get a start in place of Mariusz Serwin at striker.

2 - Frost heads it to Husbands, but the defense gets there first and heads the clearance. Unfortunately for them Linsdale is there to intercept and he knocks it to Frost, who says screw it and heads the shot right at goal this time, the keeper caught flat-footed. 1-0

3 - Frost steals the ball on the resulting kickoff and passes it to Kouassi. Strong kick finds Husbands who drives to just inside the half-circle before firing a scorcher that hits the nets! 2-0

6 - And of course Husbands gets knocked. He'll shake it off though, like a boss.

16 - Kouassi gets the ball and sends it to Frempong. Frost takes the ball from Frogpond and quick short gives to Kouassi[/b], who lofts a cross to the far post, and Linsdale surprises everyone by speeding forward for the short-burst goal! 3-0

46 - Kouassi on the corner finds Wells, and this time our 6'8 titan of defense is able to keep the ball down and in! 4-0

This is quite frankly the best half we've played in my tenure here, and it's thrilling to see. Burnell will get some burn again by replacing Asllani at the break. The Albanian's looking complacent and doesn't get jazzed up like the rest of the team.

62 - Wow. HUGE shank by them on what should have been an easy goal. The worst miss I can recall seeing in quite some time. I'd love to replace Phillips at MC, but I don't have anyone on my bench, since I forgot to yank Ronnie Green completely.

77 - I'll send Allison on for Linsdale.

Let's see... 8.0 for Tim Pitt, 9.0 and MoM for Jake Wells, who continues to be my favorite FM player ever.. or at least for this dynasty. 7.7 for Niall Elam, 8.9 for Evans Kouassi, 8.1 for Ronnie Linsdale and Michael Husbands, and 8.2 for Jason Frost.

126 people came to watch that great game, which not only a season high and a home high for my tenure here, but it's also the most well-attended game at any venue Thetford Town has participated in since I took over.

With 2 games left, the absolute worst we can do is 6th, which, incidentally, is what we finished last season. We're also 4 points out of 3rd, so we'd need to win and draw at absolute minimum, plus get help. Even if we win both games, we'll need some assistance to get a Top 3 finish.

4th @ Dereham Town (7th)
We're playing on short rest, which means Chris Hirst is getting a MC start and Mariusz Serwin goes back in at striker. We're also seeing Rob Clegg on the bench and U18 midfielder Nigel Lumley called up to the senior squad.

20 0-1

Fuck it. Jake Wells is pulled for the first time this year and for Burnell. Frempong sits as well, in favor of Lumley. Might as well go for broke.

55 - Terrible passing by Linsdale so I'm going to go ahead and burn our last sub to bring in Allison. A key game right now between the #3 and #5 teams is currently a tie, so we can really improve our position by finding some way, anyway, to scrabble out a win. Or at least get some fucking point of some kind.

Our finishing was fucking horrendous and we got almost no shots on goal that second half. Mariusz Serwin is inconsistent as hell. Puts on those two MoM outings back to back and then shit stinks the last few games.

With the loss, we're now also out of the running for 3rd, as the 2nd place team came back to win. We're now going to finish either 4th, 5th, or 6th.

Kirkley & Pakefield clinch the title and promotion before the last game of the year.

Haverhill Rovers wins the Chell Trophy over Great Yarmouth Town. At least they didn't steal Jake Wells.

Good Trains
Niall Elam
Ronnie Green

Bad Trains
Moses Jjunju
Michael Husbands
Alex West
David Langton
Krystof Davies

4th vs Gorleston FC (11th)
We're going balls out attack in the last game of the year and we're keeping the flat 4-4-2 with Wayne Phillips and Jason Frost restored to the lineups.

11 - Both teams are playing like they really don't give a shit, but the crossbar did unfairly rob Husbands there.

37 - ...Are you fucking kidding me? An injured guy just scored on us? Fuck this season, seriously. 0-1

40 - Asllani tracks down a cleared free kick and wings it out to Kouassi. A cross later and Husbands' half-volley is sitting in the back of the net. 1-1

Rob Clegg and Chris Allison supplant Jason Frost and Ronnie Linsdale at the break.

The offenses completely stalled out in the second half, to the point where Michael Husbands' 7.2 is good enough for MoM. He did get screwed on that first shot though, so we should have won this game.

It turns out not to matter because the team that could've leap-frogged us also finished the year with a tie, and so we finish 4th. Two upper-half finishes in two seasons.

If only we could find a way to finally break through and challenge for the title. I'm scared of what's going to happen this offseason, though. But we'll just have to see how things shake out and see who of our guys we can retain, who ends up leaving, and what new players we can bring in.

[Izulde]

Top 10 Eastern Counties League Premier Division Individual Rankings - Thetford Town
Jake Wells - T-1st Appearances (30), T-6th Key Tackles (12), 1st Key Headers (88), 3rd Interceptions Made (251), 6th Average Rating (7.32)
Chris Allison - T-8th Appearances (29), 8th Distance Covered (176.8 miles), 4th in Distance Covered/90 (7.5 miles)
Michael Husbands - T-6th Goals (13), T-8th Assists (9), T-5th Player of the Match (4), 4th in Offsides (21)
Ronnie Green -T-5th Assists (10), 10th Key Passes (25), 4th Average Rating (7.37)
Evans Kouassi - T-8th Assists (9), 1st Distance Covered/90 (7.7 miles)
Kwasi Frempong - T-3rd Yellow Cards (7), 9th Tackles/Game (3.42)

Non-U18 Goalkeepers
Darren Vasey (17) - 17 appearances - 24 allowed - 4 shutouts - 6.82
Eddie Piper (18) - 2 appearances - 4 allowed - 6.75

Not much to distinguish between these two guys to be honest. An elite keeper would really do wonders for us. U18 Warren Parmenter could be in the mix next year if we don't find anyone - that's how unremarkable we are here.

Non-U18 Defenders
DL Niall Elam (17) - 23 appearances - 6.8
DC Jake Wells (17) - 30 appearances - 3 goals - 3 PotM - 7.32
DC/R Egzon Asllani (23) - 21 appearances - 6.78
DR Tim Pitt (23) - 14 appearances - 6.92
DL/C Dean Allison (18) - 10 appearances - 6.61
DL/C Leon Burnell (18) - 7 appearances - 6.6
DC Liam Douglas (18) - 3 appearances - 1 goal - 6.77
DR Paul Buzzeo (31) - 6 appearances - 6.68

Our starting backline looks fairly solid, but there's teams sniffing around Elam, in particular Blue Square Premier Altrincham, so he's probably gone. Wells is our franchise star of course, but I was also very pleased with Pitt after he arrived late in the year. There's some U18 guys who might get a shot next season, because the depth here is fairly pedestrian, and Asllani is by no means guaranteed to hold on to his spot, despite the late season strides he made.

Non-U18 Midfielders
ML Chris Allison (17) - 29 appearances - 1 goal, 6 assists - 6.8
MC/R Kwasi Frempong (32) - 26 appearances - 5 assists - 6.85
MR Evans Kouassi (23) - 16 appearances - 3 goals, 9 assists - 7.08
ML Ronnie Linsdale (18) - 9 appearances - 2 goals, 1 assist - 6.89
ML/R Kevin Grinstead (17) - 3 appearances - 1 goal - 6.77
MC Chris Hirst (24) - 14 appearances - 0 goals, 1 assist - 6.64
D/MC Wayne Phillips (17) - 9 appearances - 6.83
MC/DM Nigel Lumley (17) - 1 appearance - 6.5
MC Carl McEachran (17) - 3 appearances - 6.5
AMC Dan Murwill (18) - 2 appearances - 6.6
AMC Oliver Topliss (21) - 1 appearance - 5.9

Wayne Phillips strikes me more as a DC than a MC, so there's every possibility he ends up playing there next season. Surprised to see Frogpond so old? yeah, me too. And there's also 3 teams sniffing around him, so he may be gone this offseason. Evans Kouassi really made the MR spot his own and will be there long-term. Chris Allison showed major improvements over last season and will continue to battle Ronnie Linsdale for the starting ML spot unless we get someone who wows us.

There's a buttload of U18 players, some of whom might be ready to make the jump as soon as next season.

Non-U18 Attackers
ST Michael Husbands (30) - 25 appearances - 13 goals, 9 assists, 4 PotM - 7.25
ST/AMC Ronnie Green (32) - 19 appearances - 9 goals, 10 assists, 3 PotM - 7.37
ST Moses Jjunju (31) - 12 appearances - 2 goals, 2 assists, 1 PotM - 6.85
ST Mariusz Serwin (28) - 10 appearances - 5 goals, 3 assists, 2 PotM - 7.27
ST Jason Frost (17) - 8 appearances - 3 goals, 4 assists, 1 PotM - 7.29
ST Rob Clegg (18) - 10 appearances - 3 goals, 1 PotM - 6.94
ST Daniel Peacock (18) - 1 appearance - 6.7

Michael Husbands slipped this year and I have to wonder if he's done. Certainly he lacked the fearsomeness of last year. Ronnie Green and Moses Jjunju are definitely done. Jason Frost is quietly getting better and better, and Rob Clegg is showing flashes of improvement, too. Not sure on Mariusz Serwin

Need Areas - Starting
GK, DL (assuming Elam leaves), DC, MC, MC

Need Areas - Depth
Probably everywhere



Dat goal differential, tho.

End Season Notes
The board is pleased.

Good Yearly Trains
Jake Wells

Bad Yearly Trains
Michael Husbands
Kwasi Frempong

Transfer In
MC/AMC Callum Barnett (17) - From Diss Town

This kid tore it up last year as an AMC and could signal a shift to a 4-4-2 narrow diamond next season.

What's that, Mr. Owl? We need a DMC if we want to run a 4-4-2 narrow diamond?

Transfer In
GK Lee Drury (22) - From Woodbridge Town
DM/MC Andy Anderson (17) - From Hadleigh United

Drury was the backup keeper for them last season, but I think he represents an upgrade over what we have. Reminds me of Matthew Malek a little bit, so we'll see how he goes in the battle for the position this preseason.

My scout absolutely raved about Anderson, although he stunk when he got DM chances last year. On the flip side he did very well as MC, so maybe we're looking at the 4-4-2 with wide midfielders and AMC we used last season? Or if we can find enough players worth doing, maybe 3 MC? Stuff to think about.

We keep trying to bring in a great Brazilian midfielder prospect, but our work permit appeals keep getting shot down. Boo. Those whores.

Transfer In
ST Reis Farley-Hearn (23) - From Brantham Athletic

This is a kid we've been after for quite a while now, and finally managed to lure him here. He was arguably their best player and one who I think can instantly step in as our starting poacher with his solid finishing (9) and pace (12). At the very least, he'll give us a better option in depth.

Transfer In
DC Dean Souyana (29) - From Horley Town
DL Jack Cawley (21) - From Hadleigh United

Souyana is strictly a flyer/depth signing to see what happens.

My scout would not shut up about Cawley, even though he only averaged 6.54 exactly with Hadleigh the last two seasons. Call it an insurance signing in case Niall Elam goes. His ratings certainly *look* good.

We technically made a profit of $800k last year, but that's due to the loan that was used to pay off the old loan. Funny enough, our loan debt is exactly $800k.

Transfer In
ST Kelechi Opara (32) - From Cray Valley Paper Mills

He's partially retiring but will still play semi-pro soccer. I'm not expecting a ton out of him - just more reliable veteran depth.

Ronnie Green is retiring at the end of the season. He saw the writing on the wall with our change in tactics towards the conclusion last year, but he'll hang around for one last campaign.

Transfer In
DC/MC Aaron Malton (22) - From Berkhamstead

If the name sounds familiar, it should. The Welshman played in 25 games for us the first season and while he wasn't spectacular, we're anticipating a huge crush of interest in our center midfielders and want depth to fill that in.

The press hammers me about his re-signing and I'm like get over it, guys. He happens to be the right fit for us right now. No need to get all inquisitive and suspicious here. But in the process. I somehow upset Aaron. I think he was hoping for a more enthusiastic reception.

Transfer In
MRC Dean Fenton (30) - From Chesham United

This guy has outright stunk the last two years with his team, but six clubs all wanted him, including us. But keep in mind... he was playing in the Southern Premier League the last two years, which is one step below Blue Square/North South... or in other words, Level 7. We're Level 9. So you do the math on that. Whether he'll start or not, I have no idea. But it's more material for our midfield.

We're listed as the Overachievers of the Year. That's nice, I guess, but not nice as winning a title.

Ronnie Green is voted Fans' Player of the Year, which makes sense, given how impactful he was in the games he did play.



Weird choice for Moses Jjunju to be there if you ask me.

Niall Elam and Ronnie Green go in the All-Time Best Thetford 11 as starters, while Kwasi Frempong makes it as a reserve.

Transfer Out
MC Chris Hirst - Needham Market

Needham Market demoted from the Ithsmian League 1st Division North and they're a semipro team. But they only offered Hirst an amateur contract. I get it, though. A chance for maybe more playing time and perhaps a more likely run up the ladder.

Walsham-le-Willows is bought out by a fan consortium.

Transfer Out
MRC Kwasi Frempong (32) - London Colney

In Michigan, a heart breaks that we no longer have Frongpond, and that makes two midfielders we've lost this offseason. Oh well. So it goes.

Board's satisfied. We lost $2.45k last month. They're slightly disappointed in the departure of Frogpond.

And it's on to Friendly season... but boy is the deck looking stacked ugly against us this year. More on that later.

[Izulde]

vs Holbeach United (Friendly)


Radical new look? Yep. Newcoming starters (for now) are: GK Lee Drury (22), DC Aaron Malton (22 but a returnee), DM Andy Anderson (17), AMC Callum Barnett (17) and ST Reis Farley-Hearn (24).

What follows is a sloppy, awful first half where we mount almost no offense to speak of. Our defense is looking legit, but man... offense is uuuuuuuuuuugly! Bunch of subs to reflect that.

82 - Can you say 20 yard strike given up? I knew you could! 0-1

90 - Linsdale gives it to Serwin, who dribbles all the way out the left wing. The Pole crosses to Green, but the defender slide tackles. Unfortunately for him, Linsdale is charging hard and gets the loose ball goal. 1-1

7.3 and PotM for Ronnie Linsdale, but Niall Elam bagged a 7.2.

Promotion Odds
Needham Market - Co-favorite (Relegated From Level 8)
Soham Town Rangers - Co-favorite (Relegated From Level 8)
Norwich United - 5-4 (Relegated from Level 8)
Haverhill Rovers - 5-1
Dereham Town - 6-1
Mildenhall Town - 14-1
Thetford Town - 40-1 (Compared to 25-1 in Y1 and 33-1 in Y2)

Yep, that's three, *three* teams who dropped down. We have 18 teams total so that means 32 games this year. We got screwed HARD in the league drops. And it's setting a precedent where we're stuck with at least one demoted team for the next three seasons. FML and fuck our ever-remote promotion odds year after year.

Transfer In
GK Ricky Wiseman (28) - From Needham Market

My scout swears up and down that Wiseman is an elite goalie for our level. My staff's not quite as glowing, but still consider him a major upgrade over the other keepers we have here, so that's great.

vs Kirkley & Pakefield (Friendly)
Might as well get a tough opponent to see how we really stack up. On the other hand, we have to make some lineup changes due to rest, which I'm not going to detail here because it's a damned friendly.

23 - A goal they should've had on the corner, but no dice. I don't think we've managed a single shot on goal yet that I've seen.

35 - Nigel Lumley has to come off, which is just great because that means we have to put a tired Niall Elam at DM, as [b]Andy Anderson[b/] needed the day off, too.

Sub fest.

48 - Nothing to be done there. 0-1

51 - Someone was pissed about being held scoreless for an entire half 0-2

Yeah we pretty much played like ass overall and I firmly tell them to knock that shit off for future matches.

vs Hatfield Town (Friendly)
Our friendlies have all been crammed together, which isn't a good thing.

We continue to play like absolute shit in the first half. Our strikers act like they completely forgot how to play the game.

49 - Missed penalty!!!

70 - The crossbar robs them.

90 - Elam clears the ball and plays a major role in the sequence that follows, including the pass to Pitt that's then kicked back to Green for the 30 yard shocker. 1-0

We were lucky to win and only did because of the 7.4 Jake Wells PotM and Egzon Asllani 7.3 heroics in the backline. Oh, and Ronnie Green's 7.3 and goal helped too, of course.

Good Trains
Ronnie Green
Kelechi Opara
Symon James
Alex West
David Langton

Bad Trains
Moses Jjunju

Niall Elam gets a $26.5k contract from Boreham Wood, the highest contract yet to be signed by a former Thetford Town player.

$2.03k loss last month.

vs Boston Town (Friendly)
Only getting 2 goals in 3 matches is not acceptable, so I decide to tighten things up with a narrow 4-4-2, with 2 MCs instead our wide midfielders. This creates a sea change of players and outlook of course, but we'll see how this goes.

4 - How they didn't manage to score there, I'll never know. It's interesting to note that Wiseman, our supposed stud goalie, keeps having problems blending into the team.

14 - And a bogus penalty makes up the difference. Heh. 0-1

24 - Phillips kicks it to Husbands, who dribbles inside the six-yard box before striking home the tying goal. I notice that EVERY.SINGLE.FUCKING.MATCH I get the "Our midfield is being overrun" remark but a quick google says this always happens with a 4-4-2, so fuck it. 1-1

39 - Suck a fat dick, you assfarming ref. Fucking giving Leon Burnell a double yellow in a fucking friendly.

48 - Fuck you, fluke ass goal. 1-2

My assman says "Tell them there's no excuse to be losing matches like that.

I look right at him and say,"It's so easy to talk about it, isn't it? It's so easy to be all ragehurt when you're just talking about preseason. We're sitting in this hot ass sun and we're supposed to be the overachieving team, and we're in this hot ass sun bitching about preseason. I mean, listen, we're talking about preseason. Not a game, not a game, not a legitimate, honest to fucking goodness fucking matters in the standings league game. We're talking about preseason. Not a game that matters, not a game that these guys go out and bust their ass on this shitty ass field for and hope to fuck we can somehow find a god damned fucking promotion miracle in this wack ass, fucking semipro team laden Eastern Counties Premier Division... WE'RE TALKING ABOUT FUCKING PRESEASON!!! Do you realize how stupid this sounds? It's preseason, man. We're talking about fucking preseason, man. Now I know I'm supposed to give a shit about the morale and how the team's doing, and if we're scoring. I get it and I know it's important. Not trying to say it's like nothing. But man... we're talking about fucking preseason. You've seen my lineups, you've seen my strategy, my fucking street free agent signings, and you know I do everything I can to help this damned team win. But you wanna sit there and talk about preseason, man. Not the matches that mean fame and money, but preseason. Fucking.preseason.!"

Then there's this, just before our first game that matters.

[Brian Swartz]

I'll miss Frogpond, but at that age he wasn't going to be around long anyway.

I like how you improve over the year before and are rewarded with worse promotion odds. However, since you've poached a new keeper from one of those relegated clubs and made other improvements, I still think you've got a shot to challenge for the title, provided you can avoid too many more Iverson moments.

On second thought ....

[Izulde]

Egzon Asllani retains his captain's armband, and I decide to go with veteran leadership by naming Dean Souyana as vice-captain.

@ Dereham Town
GK Ricky Wiseman
DL Jack Cawley
DC Jake Wells
DC Egzon Asllani
DR Tim Pitts
DM Andy Anderson
MC Nigel Lumley
MC Aaron Malton
AMC Callum Barnett
ST Michael Husbands
ST Jason Frost

That's what my assman thinks we should play for a starting lineup, and I agree with him. We'll go with a narrow scheme in this diamond 4-4-2 with shorter passes, and see how it goes.

10 - One of our defenders gets absolutely wrecked and the striker is completely open and free... but he shanks the shot. Wow. Unbelievable miss.

17 - I'm getting really sick and tired of these fuckign 20 yard goals they keep magically getting 0-1

28 - And Wells misses the wide open header on the corner.

52 - Knock on Asllani

54 - Lumley and Barnett move down a level, and Green pulls off his jersey to go in at AMC.

58 - Pitt plays great defense and crosses it long ways to Cawley, who jackhammers it all the way up to Frost. Another longball to Lumley, who powers it up to Malton. Then the finishing pass to Green, who drills it in and makes me wish, for a moment at least, that he wasn't retiring. Burnell comes on at DL 1-1

Considering we were pretty heavy underdogs, I'll take the draw and the point. Jake Wells was indeed the rock on defense with a PotM winning 9.0. 7.3 each for Ronnie Green and Egzon Asllani, and 7.2 for Tim Pitt.

Egzon Asllani will be out a week with a leg injury, so he'll miss our next game.

Value - $180k ($800k loan debt) (-10k)
Favored Personnel: Jake Wells, Ronnie Green
Stadium - 975 capacity 0 seated
Stadium Condition: Very Poor
Field Condition: Poor (Down from Okay)
Basic corporate
Basic training
Minimal youth facilities
Minimal junior coaching
Limited youth recruitment
0 youth setup
Status: Amateur
Finances: Insecure
Average Ticket Price: $6
Season Ticket Price: $70 (+8)
Season Ticket Holders: 25
Season Prediction: 12th (-2)

10th vs Mildenhall Town (3rd)
Leon Burnell and Dean Souyana take the DC spots, with Wayne Phillips and Dean Fenton at MC. Reis Farley-Hearn gets the nod at striker. Obviously this are all due to tired people, and I'd love to give Tim Pitt rest too, but the only other guy capable of playing DR also needs a breather. Ronnie Green goes from super sub to starter, again due to fatigue of the starter.

Dan Murwill and Mariusz Serwin go in for Green and Farley-Hearn at the half to try and kickstart what is looking completely anemic in terms of offense.

73 - Scary moment as the upright denies them.

83 - Fenton's forced off, so on comes Lumley

7.3, 7.3, 7.4, 7.6 for our backline, headlined by Tim Pitts fighting through the exhaustion for a PotM award. But that's two straight games where our offense has gone completely missing and we've been forced to settle for two measly draws.

13th @ Brantham Athletic (11th)
D: Dean Allison/Wells/Liam Douglas/Barnett
DM: Lumley
MC: Will Forbes (U18 callup)/Malton
ST: Opara/Frost

5 - Wiseman freekicks it to Frost. The ensuing header finds the feet of Opara, who dribbles a bit into the box, picks his spot, and pounds it in for our very first lead of the season 1-0

11 - FUCKING BITCHSLUTASS 20 FUCKING YARDER!!!!! WHY THE FUCK DOES EVERY GOD DAMNED MOTHER FUCKING WHORESON PUNK FUCKING OPPOSING GOAL COME FROM 20 FUCKING YARDS OUT?! FUCK THIS GOD DAMNED PIECE OF HORSESHIT FM 13 ENGINE!!!! 1-1

25 - Dickass bullshit. 1-2

40 - Lumley-Frost-Opara score. Look at all the fucks I do not give, because we are not fucking winning. 2-2

42 - HIT FROM 20 YARDS OUT?!?! YOU DON'T FUCKING SAY!!!!!!!!! 2-3

I make a coupel subs and I don't give a fuck who. Fuck this bullshit and fuck another god damned WASTED FUCKING SEASON

47 - Fuck you. 2-4

85 - Frost scores. I don't give a fuck. 3-4

88 - Opara blows the open header worse than a crack nodding bus station whore. I don't give a fuck.

16th of 18 teams. Fuck this shit. Why the fuck do I even bother? Nothing I do ever amounts to anything more than a fucking Top 5 finish at best, and then some dillhole semi-pro team steals my fucking best players anyway and fuck the god damned overrun of fucking semipro teams in the league.

[Brian Swartz]

Originally Posted by Izulde

I make a coupel subs and I don't give a fuck who. Fuck this bullshit and fuck another god damned WASTED FUCKING SEASON

I'm shocked ... shocked I tell you! That your team didn't respond with inspiration and go on to win :P.

In all seriousness, it's three matches. There's plenty of time to recover.

[Izulde]

Originally Posted by Brian Swartz

I'm shocked ... shocked I tell you! That your team didn't respond with inspiration and go on to win :P.

In all seriousness, it's three matches. There's plenty of time to recover.

Yeah I think I'm going to go back to the flat 4-4-2. This narrow play looks ugly on the pitch and gives me a headache.

I bitch about not being given a penalty and the FA warns me. Welcome to Lake IDGAF.

Chell Trophy 1st Round - @ Ipswich Wanderers
We have a league match 3 days after this, and the league is what matters.

GK: Ricky Wiseman
D: Leon Burnell/Dean Souyana/Liam Douglas/Tim Pitt
M: Chris Allison/Nigel Lumley/Will Forbes/Kevin Grinstead
S: Michael Husbands/Mariusz Serwin

30 - What's that? We're losing to a non-division club? You don't say! 0-1

Farley-Hearn and Cornwell replace Husbands and Lumley at the break.

55 - Allison with the 35 yard free kick goal to level it up. 1-1

57 - Yeaaaah even I knew you were offsides on that goal, Serwin

76 - Double yellow for Allison. Meh. Switching to a 5-1-1-2 with Asllani replacing Grinstead

87 - 1-2

What a shithole of a performance.

Our six game winless streak is a new low

16th vs Cambridge Regional College (9th)

GK: Ricky Wiseman
D: Jack Cawley/Jake Wells/Aaron Malton/Egzon Asllani
M: Ronnie Linsdale/Andy Anderson/Dean Fenton/Evans Kouassi
S: Michael Husbands/Ronnie Green

Hoping we can salvage something here.

11 - Nope nope nope. 0-1

35 - NOPE NOPE NOPE 0-2

[b]Dean Allison/b] and Kevin Grinstead take the DL and ML positions at the break.

71 - They should have scored there.

A complete fucking waste. None of our shots were on target.

Symon James goes to Hassocks FC. That's nice. He never played a game for us.

17th @ Norwich United (9th)
Chris Allison at ML, Egzon Asllani at DC, Tim Pitt at DR, and Mariusz Serwin and Jason Frost as the strikers. It's pretty damn clear that Michael Husbands is completely past it.

35 - A knock for Wells. If he ends up going out long-term, I may as well just quit.

64 - Callum Barnett in for Anderson

71 - Opara on for Serwin

75 - Cawley deep in their half of the field passes it to Kouassi, who kicks it out to Allison. There's a cross to Frost who becomes our first striker to a league goal this year I think. 1-0

82 - Yep you were so far offsides it was insane, Opara

85 - They totally Brittaed that header that should have gone in.

93 - Kouassi to Frost on the break... and for once a long strike goes OUR WAY 2-0

7.6 for Tim Pitt, 7.8 for Jake Wells, 8.4 for Jack Cawley, and a big 8.8 and PotM for Jason Frost.

And of course because FM likes to fucking screw me over, Jake Wells is out over a month

Good Trains
Dean Fenton
Eddie Piper
Rob Clegg

Bad Trains
Ronnie Green
Alex West

$1.4k loss last month. Board's satisfied.

Chell Trophy - First Round Second Leg vs Ipswich Wanderers
With the league title already well out of contention, we may as well try and get some hardware. Leon Burnell at DC. Ronnie Linsdale at ML, and Callum Barnett at MC to replace the tired Dean Fenton. Oh, and Kevin Grinstead at MR because Evans Kouassi's tired, too.

2 - Serwin takes the rebound just inside the six yard box after Frost's shot is blocked and powers it in 1-0

17 - Own goal by Burnell 1-1

Grinstead's knocked, but it's Dean Allison in place of Asllani and Nigel Lumley on for Barnett that are the halftime subs.

67 - They should've scored there.

74 - Cawley throws it in, takes the pass from Anderson and angles a huge, hanging curveball for Frost... only it never gets there because it veers off into the nets instead. 2-1

And to extra time we go.

We have a few chances in the first 15 minutes, but can't put it away, and we're denied a penalty we should have had. Evans Kouassi comes in at MR despite his own tiredness to try and be the differencemaker in the final 15 minutes.

108 - Pitt gets the ball and sees a wide open Anderson in the middle of the field. A long ball then goes to Kouassi in the six yard box. He does a bit of dribbling, finds his marker, and SLAMS HOME THE GOAL! 3-1

115 - And of course we're caught fucking napping! 3-2

They score 0-1
Frost scores 1-1
They score 1-2
Anderson scores 2-2
They score 2-3
Kouassi scores 3-3
They score because fucking stupid fuck goalie stands there like a fucking dicksmack 3-4
Linsdale scores 4-4
Aaaand they score 4-5
Lumley scores 5-5
They score 5-6
Dean Allison scores 6-6
They score 6-7
Cawley scores 7-7
They score 7-8
Burnell scores 8-8
They score 8-9
Serwin scores 9-9
They score 9-10
Pitt scores 10-10
Their fucking goalie scores 10-11
So does Wiseman! 11-11
And now we're back to do the cycle all over again
They score 11-12
Frost scores 12-12
They score 12-13
Anderson scores 13-13
They score 13-14
Kouassi scores 14-14
They score 14-15
Linsdale scores 15-15
They score 15-16
Lumley scores 16-16
They score while Wiseman does a fucking hula hoop routine 16-17
D Allison scores 17-17
They score 17-18
Cawley scores 18-18
They score 18-19
Burnell scores 19-19
They score 19-20
Serwin scores 20-20
WISEMAN SAVES!!!!!!

It's all up to DR Tim Pitt now...

.....

....

....

....

....

....

....

IT'S GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD! GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!! 21-20 ON PKS, WE ADVANCE!!!!

7.7 for the hero Tim Pitt and 7.5 for Andy Anderson.

[Brian Swartz]

After a contest like that, I demand more!

[Izulde]

Probably Sunday. Going to the NBA Summer League games all day tomorrow and then Saturday is online Pathfinder gaming session.

[Izulde]

So yeah, a game *that* damn epic necessitates a long ass break, apparently. :P

14th vs Hadleigh United (2nd)
GK: Ricky Wiseman
D: Dean Allison/Liam Douglas/Egzon Asllani/Callum Adams
M: Chris Allison/Callum Barnett/Dean Fenton/Evans Kouassi
S: Reis Farley-Hearn/Kelechi Opara

It's been so long I've forgotten a lot of these guys, but our 21-20 PK victory left a ton of people exhausted, so we have to jerryrig a lineup that's going to suck ass against one of the league's top teams anyway.

24 - Barnett to Farley-Hearn, who slips a wide open 1 on 1 pass to C Allison, and of course the shot is wasted.

40 - That's how you complete a 1 on 1, fuckfaces. Why can't you do that? 0-1

Aaron Malton, Taylor Smith, and Paul Buzzeo go in at MC, MR, and DR, because look at all the fucks I do not give about keeping subs in reserve.

50 - Malton misses an open header on a goal kick. "I Dreamed A Dream" is playing in my head, so I put on Susan Boyle's version and dream of a time when we don't suck. I'll be old as Boyle is now before that happens, though.

61 - C Allison passes to Farley-Hearn. Two defenders converge on him so he sends it to forward to Opara, who has two defenders clamping down on him as well, but the wild old vet (wily but fuck fixing typos) knocks it in. 1-1

66 - What is this madness? Farley-Hearn steals the ball on a weakass pass and sends it to Opara, who knocks aside a defender to get the ball back after initially losing it, and thunder kicks it in goal. Fuck yeah, Thunder! 2-1

72 - Smith crosses midfield and delivers it to Opara, who runs a wing play just outside the box before a far post cross where Chris Allison is all by himself, and brings it home like he's Celine Dion 3-1

83 - Buzzeo's buzzed for the penalty and they convert. It's All Coming Back To Me Now.... "There were days when the sun was so cruel... all the tears turned to dust and I just knew my eyes were drying up forever". There's a certain dry-eyed grimness about watching these implosions, yes. 3-2

86 - Malton passes to Farley-Hearn, and the ensuing blast from outside the box is good! I have no idea why, but the opponents scream that he was offsides. Ref says fuck you and hands out a yellow. I point to my crotch and shout to the biggest complainer, "See this? Suck it, asshole!" 4-2

88 - Malton to Farley-Hearn again, only this time there's another move to send it to Opara, who shakes off the defender and nets the hat trick!! In thine eye, 2nd place team! 5-2

Every night in my dreams, I see you, I feel you... that is how I know we score on.... for this game anyway.

Anyway, 7.7 for Liam Douglas, 7.8 for Chris Allison, 9.3 for Reis Farley-Hearn, and a balla as fuck 9.7 for Kelechi Opara, you magnificent (soon) semi-retired bastard.

Chris Allison doesn't listen to me when I talk to him. That's a benching next game, Mister.

We get Dorking Wanderers in the FA Vase. It's going to suck to play myself.

(10th) @ Haverhill Rovers (16th)
Yep, we leapt 4 places as a result of that win.

GK: Ricky Wiseman
D: Jack Crawley/Leon Burnell/Egzon Asllani/Tim Pitt
M: Ronnie Linsdale/Andy Anderson/Aaron Malton/Evans Kouassi
S: Reis Farley-Hearn/Kelechi Opara

Some adjustments as you can see. Given the troubles we've had scoring goals in recent games, we're damn sure going to stick with the duo that just netted us a ton of scoring. Let's see if Celine is a magic charm "Because You Loved Me" up next.

Boring first half. Oh so damn boring. Let's try something with more punch to it. ...Yes, yes, let's torment our foes with Justin Bieber "One Time". To the bench go... well shit, I forgot to put any MC in the subs. So it's Jason Frost for Opara as the only replacement. Let me tell you... one time I go without MCs in the bench five... would I love would I love to have been smarter. "Many have called, but the chosen is you... whatever you want shawty, I'll give it to you"... that makes me laugh every time I hear it, especially since I rock the cap and hoodie look quite a bit, so looking at Biebs in that video is like looking at a younger, hairless version of myself in some respects. Anyway...

55 - Bad followthrough on your shot, Frost. I forgot that asshole Jake Handbury was on this team. Fortunately Linsdale lays out the traitor, and fuck the yellow he got anyway.

70 - Wide midfield replacements with Chris Allison and Taylor Smith.

78 - Frost takes the pass from Anderson and just as he's about to blast it, he's wrecked by the defense. No penalty called, but Opara's there for the strike... only to get it pushed away. But Smith follows through and backstabs it in like a thief! 1-0

90 - WTH?! Pitt jumps randomly in the air like he just heard House of Pain and I'm fucking swearing up a fucking storm when the center comes in.. and Anderson boots it to the corner.

91 - Somehow Wiseman is all alone with an attacker and I've got the bile in my throat, but the header goes diagonal... but it's still in play... and then Burnell blasts it away to get it the fuck out of there.

Yes, it was a bad match, and it was our backline all earning 7 or better that bailed us out, along with Taylor Smith's PotM-winning goal for 7.3, but IDGAF. WE HAVE AN ACTUAL FUCKING WINNING STREAK IN LEAGUE PLAY!

That puts us 6th with 11 points, but there's a ton of teams around that this early in the season, and top team Wisbech Town only has 13 points, so there's very much an opportunity to make ourselves relevant.

@Dorking Wanderers (FA Vase Qualifying Round)
We've got a week after this one to rest up before our next match, so it's going to be the same lineup as what's worked. This time I make a damn sure to have an MC on the bench.

GK: Ricky Wiseman
D: Jack Crawley/Leon Burnell/Egzon Asllani/Tim Pitt
M: Ronnie Linsdale/Andy Anderson/Aaron Malton/Evans Kouassi
S: Reis Farley-Hearn/Kelechi Opara

We'll go with a little Snoop Dogg "Gin and Juice" for this one. "End our bad run of form"? The hell? I think my assman toked up before the game. We on a 3 game win streak, bro. Though for some reason the Dorks are favored. Maaaaan, fuuuuuuuuuuck that.

37 - Let's see... three bullshit yellows early, a bunch of pussyfooting passing around with nobody having the fucking balls to shoot, and then they nail us on the counter. Yeah, fuck this. 0-1

I firmly tell them to get off the shit at the half, but they're looking at me like stoned ass motherfuckers, so Maltondrops to DC and Asllani goes to DR. Need another DC but that shit ain't happenin'. Callum Barnett hops in at MC.

47 - And of course they double right away. Fuck that noise. 0-2

52 - It's early but fuck it. C Allison and Smith wide midfielder replacements - no diggity, no doubt.

73 - Opara chases down a boomer from I forget who and puts it in. We still losin' tho 1-2

We did pick up our play in the second half overall, so I'm all assertive that we were just unlucky.

Why not calm? Because I see this fucking shit on the wall of the locker room.

HotMeme.net

[Izulde]

7th vs Ely City (16th)
We're actually favored to win a game finally. A couple of changes, due notably to everyone's favorite Thetford Town player, Jake Wells, coming back into the fold.

GK: Ricky Wiseman
D: Jack Crawley/Jake Wells/Egzon Asllani/Tim Pitt
M: Chris Allison/Andy Anderson/Aaron Malton/Evans Kouassi
S: Jason Frost/Kelechi Opara

11 - Dickass free kick goals. THIS IS A FUCKING SHIT ASS TEAM AND W'RE AT HOME! 0-1

Linsdale and Farley-Hearn on at ML and ST at the half, Opara the laggard-ass out there.

Second half was so fucking pathetic, it's not worth mentioning. We also lose Jason Frost for 5 to 6 weeks due to injury.

Bad Trains
Dean Fenton
Moses Jjunju
Ronnie Green
Warren Parmenter

Good Trains
Alex West
Shaun Carpenter
Miles Hilton

DM/MC Tommy Rose (25) - Ely City
We've been quite weak at midfield despite all the bodies we keep throwing at the problem, and hopefully Rose will be a solution.

MC/ST Adam Pullen (25) - Horley Town Reserves
Depth signing.

MC/ST Anthony Adams (17) - Diss Town
I'm really excited about this kid (7 Finishing, 17 Teamwork, 12 Work Rate, 12 Composure, 11 Pace), and hope he can be part of our present and future.

Board's pleased. $547 profit.

(10th) vs Woodbridge Town (11th)
Favored to win this one. Can't wait to see what our new guys do.

GK: Ricky Wiseman
D: Jack Crawley/Jake Wells/Egzon Asllani/Tim Pitt
M: Chris Allison/Tommy Rose/Aaron Malton/Evans Kouassi
S: Anthony Adams/Kelechi Opara

18 - Kouassi's pass into the box is intercepted and the defender lazily goes to backpass it... and there's Anthony Adams rushing forward to kick in the debut goal!! 1-0

31 - Opara gets the ball mid-air mid-pitch and heads it on to a speeding Adams who fakes out the defense and grabs his second goal of the game! Mariah Carey's "We Belong Together" is making fantastic damn background music. 2-0

39 - Awful defending 2-1

63 - Our 17 year old Adams makes a great interception of a poor goalie pass but he puts too much on what should have been a hat trick. Farley-Hearn on for Opara and Kevin Grinstead replacing Kouassi - both due to energy concerns.

73 - My litany of fucks is interrupted by the ref shouting offsides on a free kick goal by them.

78 - Goalie toss to midfield where Adams is waiting, and he finds a hole in the backline to pass to. Allison charges to pick it up and calmly rifles it in from just outside the box 3-1

85 - Fucking counter goals 3-2

86 - FUCK YOU, ASSFARMER REF! MY BOY ADAMS WAS ONSIDE! YOU HATE 17 YEAR OLD BOYS, DON'T YOU, YOU LOUSY FAT ALCOHOLIC FUCK! YOU'RE ONLY DOING THIS FOR THE GOD DAMNED BEER MONEY!

87 - .... 3-3

I scream at the backline and my goalie, and the team is divided on my assman's recommendation of telling them they were unlucky. I really wanted to rip everyone a new bunghole, but had to settle for private group reaming.

Thetford Town will have the happier set of supporters? Fuck you, you stupid ass fuckwit announcer. HOW THE FUCK ARE THEY GOING TO BE HAPPY WITH OUT FUCKING LOSING A GOD DAMNED MOTHER FUCKING 2 GOAL ADVANTAGE IN LIKE 5 FUCKING MINUTES?!?!

We're fucking with only 12 points now and the fucking leader has god damned 18. If we'd fucking won we could have gotten 14 points and at least put us in fucking striking distance rather than this FUCKING HORSESHIT MID-TIER CAMPAIGN AGAIN IN THIS FUCKING WACKASS HALF AMATEUR/HALF SEMIPRO LEAGUE THAT THERE'S NO FUCKING GETTING OUT OF BECAUSE THE GOD DAMNED FUCKING AI TEASES ME WITH GETTING US UP THERE AND THEN HATERAPING US IN CLOSE GAMES SO WE'LL ALWAYS STAY DOWN AT 9 AS FUCKING AMATEUR BUFFOONS AND NEVER TASTE SEXY, SWEET SEMIPRO STATUS

[bbgunn]

I sense a bit of irritation from you in that last write-up.

[Izulde]

Originally Posted by bbgunn

I sense a bit of irritation from you in that last write-up.

I get irritated in every writeup. :P

Paul Buzzeo goes off to Diss Town. We won't miss his old, error-prone ass.

Transfer In: MC Karl Brown (32) - Stone Dominoes FC
Solid all-around veteran MC who should provide a boost to our midfield - potentially as a starter.

We lose Evans Kouassi on an $8.5k contract to Tunbridge Wells. All the more reason to get to semi-pro status so our guys don't get poached like that for nothing.

(10th) @ FC Clacton (5th)
GK: Ricky Wiseman
D: Jack Crawley/Jake Wells/Egzon Asllani/Tim Pitt
M: Chris Allison/Karl Brown/Aaron Malton/Taylor Smith
S: Anthony Adams/Kelechi Opara

Weird. We're heavily favored, even the announcer picks us to win, yet the team talk options all say we're underdogs. Go figure.

2 - Malton passes it to Opara, but it's bounced away. Malton follows through and sends it again to Opara, and this time the Nigerian drills it in from just inside the box. 1-0

We're dominating this match but our poor finishing up front is hurting us. Rose goes in for Brown

45 - Scary moment. Should have been a sure goal there, but Wiseman makes the shrewd save.

60 - Bar the goal, Opara has been completely ineffectual and has a yellow besides, so in comes Farley-Hearn

84 - Adams takes the ball on a throw-in and shoots a beautiful, line drive pass to Farley-Hearn, who rockets it in for the doubling. We're hitting that Defensive, learning from our mistakes last game. 2-0

91 - They held on to the ball too long there, and should have scored.

Solid defensive win. Jake Wells is PotM with 8.1, 7.7 from Egzon Asllani and 7.5 from Jack Cawley.

And then out of nowhere, Jason Frost signs with Wisbech Town, who happen to be the #2 team in the league. He's still out with injury, but this one took us completely by surprise.

vs Soham Town Rangers (Chell Trophy 2nd Round 1st Leg)
This is our first of three straight against the semi-pro Soham Town Rangers in a very weird scheduling storm.

GK: Ricky Wiseman
D: Jack Crawley/Jake Wells/Egzon Asllani/Tim Pitt
M: Chris Allison/Tommy Rose/Aaron Malton/Kevin Grinstead
S: Anthony Adams/Kelechi Opara

Since we're mainly playing for the trophy at this point, might as well put our best foot forward.

16 - Lucky fucking bounce on that weakass kick 0-1

Linsdale and Farley-Hearn (for [b]Opara{/b]) are our halftime subs. We're controlling this game other than the fluke goal, but have had a grand total of zero shots worth noting.

81 - In comes Brown for Rose and we switch to an Attacking mentality.

Anthony Adams completely tanked the second half and ended with a 5.9. Ugh. Waste of Jake Wells getting a PotM 7.8, too.

Guess what? Our U18s play Soham Town Rangers U18s too, and they beat us 1-2.

(5th) vs Soham Town Rangers (1st)
Obviously this is the big one that matters if we want any hope of getting out of this amateur shithole.

GK: Ricky Wiseman
D: Jack Crawley/Jake Wells/Egzon Asllani/Tim Pitt
M: Chris Allison/Tommy Rose/Aaron Malton/Taylor Smith
S: Anthony Adams/Kelechi Opara

0 - Literally 3 seconds into the game, Adams gets knocked. Buck up, kid, and play on.

50 - Injury's bothering Adams, as he misses a shot he should have destroyed.

51 - Brown in for Malton, Grinstead for Smith.

62 - Fuck it. Farley-Hearn on for Adams

Brilliant play by our backline, but our strikers failed us. Forget us winning anything ever now. Anthony Adams is out for a week too. Whatever.

[Izulde]

@Solham Town Rangers (Chell Trophy 2nd round 2nd Leg)
GK: Ricky Wiseman
D: Jack Crawley/Jake Wells/Egzon Asllani/Tim Pitt
M: Chris Allison/Tommy Rose/Aaron Malton/Taylor Smith
S: Mariusz Serwin/Kelechi Opara

Surprise striker start but Reis Farley-Hearn has been crap in the Chell Trophy, so might as well roll the dice on our Polish striker finding a little magic.

2 - We suck at corners. 0-1

31 - Got lucky with an offsides call there.

I scream at them at the half and put in Michael Husbands in place of Opara and Kevin Grinstead in place of Smith. Time to go all out overload because we're down 2 goals.

52 And of course a shitty goalpass assfucks that all in the rear 0-2

57 - They get awarded a PK and of course convert 0-3

81 - Pityfuck goal on a cross from Allison to Malton. Whatevs. 1-3

82 - Can't leave god damn well enough alone can they? 1-4

Yeah I'm gonna rip into the team after the worst performance we've had all season.

Screw it. Gonna go play some Hearthstone or something. There I can at least win stuff.

[Brian Swartz]

Based on this thread, I think I would pay good money to watch you be forced to play Dwarf Fortress. Oh, and hope you can finish the season strong if you have the constitution to continue.

[Izulde]

Originally Posted by Brian Swartz

Based on this thread, I think I would pay good money to watch you be forced to play Dwarf Fortress. Oh, and hope you can finish the season strong if you have the constitution to continue.

From what I've heard of Dwarf Fortress, I'm never playing it. Why? Because I'd end up on The First 48 if I did. And CSI: Miami is done with and that's the only show I'd ever want a criminal act of mine fictionalized on.

Good Trains
Jake Wells
Dean Allison
Casey Rush
Alex West
Merrick Cornwell

Bad Trains
Kelechi Opara
Shaun Carpenter

Huh. The board is very pleased and we made $243 last month, our second straight month of making a minor profit.

@ Woodbridge Town - Eastern Counties Senior Cup 2nd Round
GK: Ricky Wiseman
D: Dean Allison/Leon Burnell/Liam Douglas/Callum Adams
M: Ronnie Linsdale/Dean Fenton/Karl Brown/Kevin Grinstead
S: Michael Husbands/Reis Farley-Hearn

We're supposed to get clobbered and have a league match three days after this, so might as well go with a B squad lineup.

3 - Well, well, well! A Farley-Hearn corner to Burnell for the head-in and early lead. 1-0

13 - Brown intercepts the ball and starts a move that features a couple of great passes between him and Adams. It's the latter who delivers the final blow, kicking it on up to Farley-Hearn who gets a little crossbar help for the doubling 2-0

32 - LOL. They get a fluke goal and it's disallowed because someone off the ball was offsides.

Quite shocking to go into halftime with a 2 goal lead, let me tell you. I kind of want to go defensive in the second half to protect it, since MOV doesn't matter here. I think I will.

48 - Here this bullshit goes again 2-1

70 - Nigel Lumley in for Fenton, who made a huge mistake in that surrendered goal, and Taylor Smith on for the tired Grinstead.

71 - Yep. Fucking horseshit. 2-2

Extra Time 90 - FUCK THIS GAME! 2-3

107 - Oh awesome. An own goal for us 2-4

Fuck it... I'm just at the point where I'm ready to quit this game for good. It's a timesink where I never get anything right, no matter how much reading and strategizing I do, and it really, really sucks being in a league where only the champion promotes.

The team's demotivated after that loss. Well fuck you guys too.

@Needham Market (12th)
GK: Ricky Wiseman
D: Jack Crawley/Jake Wells/Egzon Asllani/Tim Pitt
M: Chris Allison/Tommy Rose/Aaron Malton/Taylor Smith
S: Anthony Adams/Kelechi Opara

We win this one, and I'll keep going. Tie or lose, and I'm so done.

55 - Grinstead and Lumley in for Allison and Rose. OUr passing ahs been shit and this game has been fucking boring.

64 - Malton tackle-steals and passes it to Adams, who runs all throughout the defense before shooting from inside the half-circle for a rare gaining of second-half lead 1-0

"Thetford Town are winners but in truth it was a poor match"

Oh go fuck yourself.

Jake Wells - 7.7, Tim Pitt - 7.6, Egzon Asllani - 7.5.

We're up to 5th with 19 points, but pardon me if I'm not ecstatic. Mildenhall Town has 25 in the only place that matters in this pissant little league.

Transfer In - MR Liam Rutledge (20) - From Coventry Sphinx
My coaching staff seems to think we're set everyone but the wide midfield spots, where they don't like any of our options very much. Rutledge comes with the Hot Prospect label, but when I bring him in, they say he's raw. Now on the bright side, both rate him our #3 MR and since Dean Fenton is going nowhere but down and the gap between the two is virtually non-existent, Rutledge will get a backup role and serve as our de facto #2.

Transfer In - ML Alex Snell (18) - From Gorleston FC
Now this kid I'm genuinely excited about. Great mental and physical attributes (12 Bravery, 16 Determination, 13 Flair, 11 Work Rate, 11 Balance, 12 Jumping, 13 Natural Fitness). One coach thinks he's our #1 ML, the other #2. Both think Chris Allison sucks, so we'll see what happens.

(5th) @ Walsham-le-Willows (12th)
G: Ricky Wiseman
D: Jack Cawley/Jake Wells/Aaron Malton/Egzon Asllani
M: Alex Snell/Karl Brown/Tommy Rose/Taylor Smith
S: Mariusz Serwin/Michael Husbands

This is what my coaching staff swears is the best possible lineup right now (bar the split decision on ML), so I'm going to go ahead and trust them on that, particularly since we've had such a hard time scoring lately.

42 - If you would have told me before the season that it would take this long for Husbands to score his first goal of the year, I'd have said you were insane. But that's exactly what happens when Brown and Rose exchange passes before Serwin, who has had a couple of open looks on goal and missed, gives it back to Brown. I honestly thought he was going to shoot there, but it's laid off to our St. Lucian striker, who *finally* ends the drought. 1-0

Fitness issues are cropping up at the half, so Liam Rutledge gets his first call at the break for Smith, and though he just scored, Husbands sits for Anthony Adams, who I know is considered ho-raw by the staff, but I believe in the kid's potential, and we're in the lead anyway.

Good defensive victory as Jake Wells and his 8.8 not only win PotM, but he completely shuts down the opposition so that they don't threaten much in the second half. I have to say that I'm not all that thrilled with Mariusz Serwin, who you may remember had that great initial burst with us upon first signing, but then fell in the tank after that.

Still 5th. Still 6 points back. Considering we've finished 6th and 4th the last two seasons, we're doing right about what we usually do. Treadmill shit, ugh.

We've been unbeaten in 5 games apparently, which doesn't sound right at all, but there you go.

Jake Wells continues drawing praise for his phenomenal play. He needs to stay a member of this team forever.

Alex West is suffering from food poisoning again. It's the again that gets me. What is this kid doing, eating really shitty Chinese takeout?

Transfer In - ST Ryan Ingrey (21)
Another high potential guy. My coaches like him better than Anthony Adams right now and he's a hair behind the rest of the guys on the squad, but with explosive upside, so I'll send Adams down to the reserves and call Ingrey up.

5th vs Wisbech Town (3rd)
G: Ricky Wiseman
D: Jack Cawley/Jake Wells/Aaron Malton/Egzon Asllani
M: Alex Snell/Karl Brown/Tommy Rose/Taylor Smith
S: Mariusz Serwin/Michael Husbands

Safe to say that this is our single biggest game of the season, and we need to win this one if we want to even have the smallest chance of finally breaking through the ceiling.

Oh shit. I stressed out Ricky Wiseman with my pre-game talk.

11 - Damn it. Husbands is knocked. He'll play on, though. Can't afford this early a sub. They're playing *very* dirty.

42 - Smith takes the sideways free kick on the right side and curls it up for Rose to break past the defense and score his first ever Thetford Town goal! 1-0

54 - Aaand Husbands is officially knocked out of the game. Big pressure moment for Ryan Ingrey on his debut. I also put in Liam Rutledge for a tiring Smith

74 - 1-1

So.god.damned.motherfucking.bitchass.fucking.frustrating. I throw a power adapter in my rage. Luckily it doesn't break.

Michael Husbands finally gets back in the lineup and now he's out 4-5 weeks. Just fucking great. We move up to 4th. Look at all the fucks I do not give.

The board refuses to find us a parent club, of course. Nor will they pay out the compensation fee needed to land an absolutely amazing striker who could singlehandedly carry us to the championship.

I see there's an opening in the division above me with a semi-pro team, who has an awesome team nickname, so I'm going to apply and see what happens. Ironically, I do it right before my 100th game in charge of the team.



Face it, guys. Your team sucks, your board sucks, and I'm doing miracles with this side as it is. You want to complain about two upper half finishes and well on our way to a third? Really? Really?!

As it turns out, I get rejected anyway, so it's a moot point. Instead they go with a rookie manager who has League 2/League 1 playing experience. Whatever.

4th vs Felixstowe & Wellstone United (13th)
G: Ricky Wiseman
D: Jack Cawley/Jake Wells/Aaron Malton/Egzon Asllani
M: Alex Snell/Karl Brown/Tommy Rose/Taylor Smith
S: Mariusz Serwin/Kelechi Opara

Why not our young prospect? Because we need to win games, and you go with your best lineup in those circumstances.

3 - Serwin fires a scorcher to Cawley, who runs to the end of the pitch prior to crossing. Rose makes a diving header for his second goal in as many games 1-0

24 - Great pair of passes sees Asllani hoofing it to Serwin and the Pole putting it to Opara, and the Nigerian shows veteran experience rings true with a cool shot 2-0

I move Malton up to MC, Asllani to DC, and bring in Tim Pitt at DR at the break, because Brown's looking complacent.

62 - Smith is tiring, so Rutledge replaces him.

71 - And here's Serwin on the left flank sliding it to Snell, and there's an immediate pass on down the line to Opara and bada-bing, bada-bang, two goals for the Nigerian who has overachieved since signing with us, and we're guaranteed to win (maybe). 3-0

Feels so great to finally dominate an opponent. Kelechi Opara obviously is PotM with 8.8, but give credit to Jake Wells (8.2), Egzon Asllani (7.5), Tommy Rose (7.6), and Mariusz Serwin (8.4) in this victory.

Puts us up to 3rd place and just 3 points and GD off the lead, which has gone back to Soham Town Rangers after Mildenhall Town got waxed 4-0 by Norwich United, who has that amazing striker the board wouldn't pony up the compensation money for.

Good Trains
Karl Brown
Moses Jjunju
Shaun Carpenter
Warren Parmenter
Julian Chand

Bad Trains
Kelechi Opara
Dean Fenton
Adam Pullen
Casey Rush

Board is very pleased, though we lost $1.51k last month.

(3rd) vs Gorleston FC (7th)
G: Ricky Wiseman
D: Jack Cawley/Jake Wells/Aaron Malton/Egzon Asllani
M: Alex Snell/Karl Brown/Tommy Rose/Taylor Smith
S: Mariusz Serwin/Kelechi Opara

Big game here in terms of... what am I saying? Every game is big when you're chasing the title.

9 - Smith takes a knock

21 - FML. 0-1

22 - WHAT THE FUCKING SHIT IS THIS GOD DAMNED COCKSMACKING HORSESHIT?!?! 0-2

Andy Anderson and Tim Pitt replacing Rose and Asllani at the half, the two very worst offenders in this fucking pathetic first half.

46 - Fantastic throw-in by Pitt, who then gets involves in a couple passes, the last of which is a terrific rainbow to Serwin's head, finally ending the Polish striker's insanely long goal drought 1-2

58 - He's tired and been lousy all game, so Opara is pulled for Ingrey

81 - Wide open shot for Ingrey and he shanks it.

86 - Snell makes a beautiful interception and pass to Serwin, and just when I think the Pole's going for a curling goal, the goalie kicks it in by mistake. We'll take that 2-2

We played as well in the second half as we didn't in the first, so I'll be gentle, even though we're now 4th and 5 points away.

And that's when it happened.



Pardon me while I go despondently eat popcorn now.

[Izulde]

So yeah... the only surprise is that it didn't happen sooner. Can't fault him for it, though. Not only the money, but this:



Some perspective here - Southern League 1st Division Central is a Level 8 league and Biggleswade Town actually promoted out of here two years ago via playoffs to the Southern Premier League (Level 7, naturally, and one step below Blue Square North/South). Last season they relegated down after finishing 18th, so they're working on getting their way back.

But as for Jake Wells... he leaves a literal and figurative huge hole in our backline and on our team. He's had the most Man of the Match awards for us every single season and his 69 team appearances ranks #1 all-time in this universe at the time of his departure, and that's with him missing time due to injury this year

On the bright side, our backline is the area of the team most equipped to take a hit. It means team captain Egzon Asllani moves back to the center and Tim Pitt regains a full-time starting spot until we can try to find someone else.

(4th) @ Diss Town (5th)
G: Ricky Wiseman
D: Jack Cawley/Aaron Malton/Egzon Asllani/Tim Pitt
M: Alex Snell/Tommy Rose/Karl Brown/Carl McEachran
S: Mariusz Serwin/Kelechi Opara

We need to win this one to stay alive in the title chase. Plain and simple as that. Also to put breathing room between us and the teams below.

30 - Total and complete failure to clear allows them like 5 shots before they finally poke one in. Our own finishing has been a disaster 0-1

37 - Oh look, a given up goal on the corner. We're really missing Jake Wells, as both shots have come in the middle. 0-2

45 - Oh look, Serwin takes a big ass knock right before the half.

Andy Anderson in for Rose, Ryan Ingrey in for Opara. Both players in serious danger of losing their starting spots.

53 - Ingrey makes a great open field tackle to get the ball and boots it to Serwin on the far left wing. Our Polish striker makes former Thetford Town defender Paul Buzzeo look foolish before flipping it to Cawley. Rocket shot later and McEachran, playing for our two tired right midfielders, powers the header in with more authority than any shot I've seen this year for his first league goal. 1-2

90 - Anderson chases down a cleared ball and sprays it out to Cawley for the followup center to Ingrey, who shanked a one on one earlier. This time, though, despite the crowd, he puts his head down, finds his spot, and fires it in. 2-2

Second straight game where we came out flat in the first half and fought back int he second for the tie. So many what might have beens in those two games. I don't like noting stuff for non-wins, but Jack Cawley's 8.3 and PotM deserves mention.

We lose Mariusz Serwin for 6 to 8 weeks, further destroying our striker situation.

Six games unbeaten is a new record apparently, but we need more wins out of there.

Transfer In - DR Troy Harrison (18) - From Felixstowe & Wellstone United
Check out these amazing mental attributes - 10 Bravery, 13 Composure, 14 Determination, 12 Flair, 13 Influence, 13 Work Rate. Also 11 Tackling on the Technical side. Looking like a really elite young player for this level and he'll do a lot to soften the blow of losing Jake Wells even if he's DR only.

Transfer In - MLR Rheo Josephs (21)
A castoff from League 1 Stevenage, my scout couldn't shut up about him. Neither of my coaches see him as a starter at the moment, though he has great upside. Will become a bench player.

Transfer In - ML Joe Asensi (21)
Made 1 appearance for Blue Square Premier Histon in 2010/11, but otherwise he's been a reserve at the next level for Soham Town Rangers and Norwich United the last three years, both of whom happen to be teams we're chasing. If my scout raved about Josephs, he was orgasmic about Asensi, and my coaches were in agreement with his all-around skills and adamant that he's a star player for this level.

4th vs Dereham Town (14th)
G: Ricky Wiseman
D: Jack Cawley/Aaron Malton/Egzon Asllani/Troy Harrison
M: Joe Asensi/Andy Anderson/Karl Brown/Taylor Smith
S: Reis Farley-Hearn/Ryan Ingrey

Going to be interesting seeing how this lineup works out (or doesn't).

It's snowing and our finishing is something awful the entire first half, but our defense is doing well enough to actually keep it scoreless at the break for once. Snell hops on at ML and Ingrey takes the bench in favor of Anthony Adams.

64 - I actually shout FUCK YOU out loud when they're given a bullshit penalty that they of course make 0-1

83 - We've had one shot all second half and now Farley-Hearn goes off BECAUSE GUESS WHAT?! WE CAN'T HAVE ENOUGH INJURED FUCKING STRIKERS AT THE WORST GOD DAMNED POSSIBLE MOTHERFUCKING TIME! Fuck it. Burnell gets in and a 5-4-1. I don't even care anymore.

So yeah now we're 5th after losing at home to a shitty fucking team.

Robb Clegg, who once looked like a bright part of our future, complains about lack of playing time and unlike everyone else I haven't mentioned because they're fine with trying to prove themselves, he just wants out, so I cut him loose.

@Mildenhall Town (2nd)
G: Richard Wiseman
D: Jack Cawley/Aaron Malton/Egzon Asllani/Troy Harrison
M: Joe Asensi/Andy Anderson/Karl Brown/Taylor Smith
S: Michael Husbands/Ryan Ingrey

Nobody's giving us much of a chance to win this one, and they're probably right not to, since we're on the road against the #2 team in the league.

19 - Another knock for Smith who is starting to look really injury-prone.

23 - LOVE SEES RED! BEST.FM.COMMENT.EVER. It also means we now have a 1 man advantage.

Burnell in for Asllani and Rutledge takes Smith's spot.

50 - We switch to an Attacking game to pressure our advantage at the break, but all we've done so far is nearly allow a goal before the half and nearly allow one just after it. Anthony Adams is nobody's idea of a true MC, but he's going on for the still-ineffectual Anderson anyway.

71 - FUCK YOU WISEMAN AND YOUR GOD DAMNED SHIT ASS KICK THAT ALLOWS A FLUKE ASS FUCKING LONG RANGE GOAL WHEN WE'RE FUCKING UP A GOD DMAN MAN! 0-1

74 - Husbands gets the ball stolen before he can get a shot off, but Asensi has the presence of mind to power forward for the equalizer 1-1

Seriously, fuck a draw when we have an advantage the whole game just about. I rip into the team after that and Egzon Asllani and Joe Asensi aren't happy. Fine, I'll bench both your asses next game.

[Izulde]

We lose Taylor Smith for 4 to 5 weeks. Typical.

I cut 5 players, the most notable of whom is Moses Jjunju.

Good Train
Michael Husbands

Bad Train
Alex West

We have a huge bloat on the U18 squad still, with my coaches thinking everyone has future star ability on them, but I'm able to make some cuts by getting rid of the people with low determination and low ambition.

Mariusz Serwin is appointed the new Vice-Captain, as one of the original cuts was my old vice-captain.

We lost $9.26k last month due to scouting costs. Ouch.

7th vs Brantham Athletic (10th)
G: Ricky Wiseman
D: Jack Cawley/Aaron Malton/Leon Burnell/Troy Harrison
M: Alex Snell/Tommy Rose/Karl Brown/Liam Rutledge
S: Michael Husbands/Ryan Ingrey

Some lineup changes due to poor form and/or pissy attitudes.

The first half is us misfiring, misfiring, misfiring. Rheo Josephs gets the nod at MR for Rutledge at the half. Same old story of defense doign great, offense doing shit.

57 - Anthony Adams on for Ingrey

Another day, another draw. Ugh.

As a result, I fire my assman, who's a moron anyway, and sign one who's even better.

Grant Ryder, Sr comes in and immediately says our backline and midfield situation stink, specifically the middle of the field and the right hand side. Interestingly enough, he rates Rheo Josephs as our best MR.

Transfer In - ST Danny Nti (22) - Loughborough University FC
Really liked his attributes even though he's stunk it up in the other Level 9 league he's been in. Worth a shot considering how little we've gotten out of our other strikers. 10 Finishing, 10 Dribbling, 10 Determination, 11 Flair. And he's Nigerian like Kelechi Opara, but there's no mentoring relationship allowed. Boo.

I do however ask Michael Husbands to tutor Anthony Adams, and both players are quite amicable to it. Hope it pays off.

Transfer In - DC Sam Hearn (22) - From Dereham Town
My new assman doesn't think much of him, but again, I like his solid all-around attributes and will give him a starting crack while I adjust some of the rest of the lineup.

@Cambridge Regional College (16th)
G: Ricky Wiseman
D: Jack Cawley/Sam Hearn/Egzon Asllani/Troy Harrison
M: Joe Asensi/Aaron Malton/Karl Brown/Rheo Josephs
S: Michael Husbands/Danny Nti

Let's see how the new toys work out, eh?

8 - Brilliant interception two times in a row by Brown, who seams it to Husbands after the second pickoff. There's an immediate pass to Nti, who dribbles, finds himself space, and scores! 1-0

12 - Flawless goal pass by Wiseman to Husbands. Our St. Lucian dribbles right through the defense and notches one in for what has been all too rare a goal for him this season! 2-0

40 - :T 2-1

44 - Fuck.this. 2-2

Ingrey for a tired Husbands, Burnell for a shitass Hearn. Oh what? [b]Hearn[/b is pissed because he got pulled? Fuck you. Don't play a fatass douchecanoe coming down off a sugar high and maybe I don't have to pull you.

I've known two guys with the last name of Hearn come to think of it (that I know their last name was Hearn). One was awesome, the other a whiny fuck. Both are assholes, and this kid is living up to the Asshat Hearn tradition. If I hadn't just signed him, I'd cut his ass.

13 games left. We're 8 points back, so if we don't start getting some wins, I'm going to cut a ton of people.

But not before we sign a 17 year old DLC prospect named Taylor Bone, apparently... or 17 year old DRC Stu Ottoway. ...or 19 year old DM/MC Ryan Horne. I LOL when I see the reporter is literally Awestruck at the press conference, probably because we're making all these signings. Oh and 17 year old DM/MC Dil Spittlehouse, who my assman swears is our best MC.

(6th) vs Norwich United (2nd)
G: Ricky Wiseman
D: Jack Cawley/Stu Ottoway/Egzon Asllani/Troy Harrison
M: Joe Asensi/Aaron Malton/Dil Spittlehouse/Rheo Josephs
S: Michael Husbands/Danny Nti

If we lose this game, the bloodbath is on. Oh and get this. Sam Hearn killed his elbow in a training session and is out 3 weeks. Serves you right, you saucy hobag.

37 - Way to blow the perfect setup from Husbands, Nti.

41 - Fucking Wiseman and his own goal self. 0-1

52 - Burn all the subs I do. Who and where doesn't really matter.

63 - Callum Barnett with the steal and pass to Josephs, who's now on the left side. Pass to Husbands and line cross to Nti, and we've a tie 1-1

68 - Josephs is slammed hard and goes to 11% with the green cross, which I've never seen before. Too bad I'm out of subs.

87 - Baller saves by Cawley, the second of which sees him pass it to Josephs, who's still at 33%. All the kid does is jackhammer a long ball that Husbands gets to first. Backpass to Cawley and side swing to Rutledge on the far post. Goalie never even saw it coming. 2-1

88 - I guess Husbands got hurt during the celebration or something, because like, we need more striker injuries and shit.

No remarkable performances in this one. Liam Rutledge and his 7.4 game-winning goal is enough for PotM. 6 to 8 weeks without Josephs, 4 to 5 without Husbands.

Still 8 points back with 12 games to go. But in light of those injuries, I think it's time for The Great Culling, anyway. Especially since I still see Jake Wells has the #3 highest rating in the league.

As for his new team? 5 appearances, 1 PotM award already, but 6.56 average rating. Biggleswade Town has a 7 point lead on the #2 team in their own league, so I think it's safe to say the auto-promote will probably be in the cards.

[Izulde]

The Great Culling
MR Taylor Smith
ST Kelechi Opara
DM/MC Tommy Rose
MC Karl Brown
ST Mariusz Serwin
ST Ryan Ingrey
MLR Kevin Grinstead
MR Liam Rutlege
ML Chris Allison
DM/MC Andy Anderson
MC/DM Dil Spittlehouse
ML Alex Snell
ST Ronnie Green
GK Lee Drury
Dan Murwill
Darren Vassey
Miles Hilton
David Langton
Craig McKay
Julian Mirco
Wayne Phillips
Christian Richens
Rob Ross-Jennings
Casey Rush
Kenny Sinclair
Richard Tippings
Kris Townrow
Alex West
Kieran Blackett
Dean Blackley
Shaun Carpenter
Paul Casey
Julian Chand
Matty Connor
Krystof Davies

Mostly U18 fodder, but a lot of important players and regular starters. Basically, I cleared out everyone over the age of 25 with the exception of Michael Husbands and Ricky Wiseman, and then dumped everyone who didn't meet a basic technical standard.

Troy Harrison gets the vice-captaincy, and what we're left with is a roster that's stripped down and streamlined of all its bloat and confusion, one made younger and fresher by the whittling.

I also combine our U18 and Reserve squads, but even with that, we have no strikers and no wide midfielders available due to all the injuries.

6th @ Hadleigh United (16th)
G: Ricky Wiseman
D: Jack Cawley/Stu Ottoway/Egzon Asllani/Troy Harrison
M: Joe Asensi/Aaron Malton/Callum Barnett/Carl McEachran
S: Reis Farley-Hearn/Danny Nti

8 - This is what the youth movement brings you. Losses 0-1

32 - Asensi's free kick bounces off the wall, but Malton is there for the left-footed crack that goes in. 1-1

38 - Asensi free kick goal! 2-1

Asllani slides to DR and Taylor Bone will get his debut appearance. Not happy with how Harrison is just ho-hum with our lead, because it's not safe.

60 - McEachran gets knocked, and though I cringe to do it, I have no choice put to put Anthony Adams in at MR.

67 - Of course that's when Adams heads down and traps a ball to begin a move that finishes off with Farley-Hearn passing to Nti, and our young Nigerian threads the needle on a diagonal into open space in the box. Charging hard is Asensi to strike his second goal of the day. 3-1

70 - Booming goal kick from Wiseman to Farley-Hearn and a quick set of passes from him to Asensi to Nti has the opposing keeper nervous, but again, a wonderful pass by Nti, this time off to the side and in open area for Farley-Hearn to dart in, dribble, and fire, keeps the onslaught going. b]4-1[/b]

88 - Wiseman is looking awfully complacent, and he should have given up a goal here. Not good news.

Still, this is the type of dominating, strong performance you love to see after a housecleaning. It won't last I'm sure, but for now I'll enjoy Aaron Malton's 7.7, Joe Asensi's PotM 9.0, Danny Nti's 8.0, and Reis Farley-Hearn's 8.2.

Transfer In - MC Owen Kabodi (21) - From Colney Heath
9 Passing, 8 Tackling, 10 Technique, 15 Teamwork, 11 Workrate, 10 Pace... so he's not perfect, but he's an immediate starter in place of Callum Barnett (and I kind of sort of rushed in with a Key Player designation he probably didn't deserve. Oops.)

Transfer In - ST/MC Bobby Wild (17) - From Daventry Town
What sold me was his 19 Teamwork and 14 Workrate alongside the pedestrian 7 Finishing. Not somebody I see as a starter, but someone who can become a reserve starter right away and prove himself there.

Transfer In - ST Anthony Williams (22) - From Erith & Belvedere
15 Teamwork is the standout, but also 10 Dribbling, 10 Determination, 12 Flair, 12 Acceleration, 10 Agility, 11 Natural Fitness, 11 Pace. Finishing is a meh 7 like Wild, but in these two guys we've got our reserve starting strikers. ...Only my coaches think he should be starting on the senior squad. Hmm. 7.14 average rating too.

Transfer In - MRC Dan Gittings (21) - From Heath Hayes FC
Fairly unremarkable player, but he's got upside and is a depth signing for now until we recover from our injuries.

Transfer In - ST Zachary Richards (21) - From Hadleigh United
Yeah. The team we just curbstomped. Blah 7 Finishing, but 10 Determination, 14 Teamwork, 10 Workrate, 12 Acceleration, 14 Natural Fitness, and 10 Pace. The way I see it, speed, the ability to work well, and double digits in key areas is how we're going to build depth and a team going forward. It's worth noting he has a 6.95 average rating.

Must be bad food around here. Taylor Bone is boned by food poisoning. Wonder if he went to the same place Alex West used to go to.

Merrick Cornwell and Reis Farley-Hearn both manage to break their arms in a Reserves game and are out 5-6 weeks. Awesome.

We catch a huge break (pun not intended) when the next match is postponed due to the waterlogged field. Gives us more time to get our new strikers trained up and everything/everyone in place.

Good Train
Leon Burnell

$2.03k lost last month, but board is still very pleased.

6th @Woodbridge Town (4th)
G: Ricky Wiseman
D: Jack Cawley/Stu Ottoway/Egzon Asllani/Troy Harrison
M: Joe Asensi/Aaron Malton/Callum Barnett/Carl McEachran
S: Anthony Williams/Danny Nti

Although Zachary Richards is Match Fit, Williams isn't far off from it, so I'm going to give him the nod today in place of our injured Welshman and St. Lucian. Big game to try and get back into the title conversation.

37 - Considering it should be about 0-3 right now, I'm not going to complain about this one. They're kicking our asses 0-1

Bone and Kabodi on for Ottaway and Malton, who have been particularly putrid today.

55 - That was just piss-poor keeping 0-2

Just a shit game all around. I cut Ricky Wiseman, because at 29, he's too old to be in our future plans.

(6th) vs Haverhill Rovers (7th)
G: Eddie Piper
D: Jack Cawley/Stu Ottoway/Egzon Asllani/Troy Harrison
M: Ronnie Linsdale/Aaron Malton/Will Forbes/Anthony Adams
S: Zachary Richards/Bobby Wild

...Yeaaaah. Not much chance of this one.

7 - Heh. A guy named Sargeant rips through our lines and scores. Didn't ask if he was Abe though. 0-1

44 - Halftime just before goal? Sure WTF not 0-2

Bone, Pitt, McEachran at DL/DR/MR. Because I don't care and no one's listening to me on this team anyway.

68 - Should I quit after this game? Own goal 0-3

85 - That's why you suck on every team you've been on Richards. You miss easy goals.

86 - They scored again when I wasn't looking 0-4

88 - Caught the tail end of that 0-5

Ronnie Linsdale out 3 Weeks. Like I give a fuck. Asshole whined about PT, then when he gets the start, looks disinterested. I'll cut him soon.

Fans devastated by defeat. Me too. Me too.

[Izulde]

Loan In - GK Nathan Thompson (23) - Biggleswade Town
Yep, our first loan, a 3 month borrowing, comes from the team that stole Jake Wells. Nice bit of irony there. He has a 6.5 at Level 8 as a backup keeper, so he should be a star for us down here.

Transfer In - GK Matthew Malek (24) - From Welsham-le-Willows
Yep, we brought back Malek, though he'll serve as the #2 goalie while Thompson's here, and Eddie Piper gets moved back to the reserves for now, which will piss him off, but I don't care.

Sure enough, Eddie Piper is so mad, he skips training, so I warn him, which he accepts.

Sigh. Michael Husbands bruises his head in training and is out another
week and a half. On top of it Husbands' attempt to mentor Anthony
Adams is a bust.

7th @ Ely City (17th)
G: Nathan Thompson
D: Jack Cawley/Stu Ottoway/Egzon Asllani/Tim Pitt
M: Rheo Josephs/Aaron Malton/Callum Barnett/Anthony Adams
S: Anthony Williams/Danny Nti

Probably need to stop letting guys play in reserve matches, but oh well.

41 - Malton knocks down a header on a goal kick to Adams, who makes an absolutely stunning pass right to Nti's run, and the goal is easy. Very pretty! And much needed considering how poorly we've been playing overall 1-0

In which we throw caution to the wind and have Forbes, McEachran, and Harrison all come in at MC (Barnett), MR, and DR respectively.

59 - McEachran's indirect kick is blocked, but Forbes cracks a volley shot and it hits! 2-0

Kind of a scrubby win, with Danny Nti's 7.4 PotM victory, but good enough to get the 3 points and move up into 6th. We're 7 points off the lead with 8 matches to go.

Good Trains
Michael Husbands
Owen Kabodi
Eddie Piper

$1.35k loss last month. Board continues to be very pleased.

(6th) vs FC Clacton (8th)
G: Nathan Thompson
D: Jack Cawley/Stu Ottoway/Egzon Asllani/Tim Pitt
M: Joe Asensi/Aaron Malton/Owen Kabodi/Carl McEachran
S: Anthony Williams/Danny Nti

8 - Asensi hits a diagonal pass to McEachran on the far side of the post, and everyone's favorite Nigerian striker, Nti finds himself space for the resulting pass and kicks into the net. 1-0

13 - Sucks when an injured guy scores on you 1-1

32 - Kabodi is knocked.

Forbes in for Kabodi, Husbands on for Williams at the half.

55 - So the arcing blast from Cawley is about to go out of bounds, right? Well, the keeper comes out to kick it downfield for the clearance.. only Forbes is right there and he hits a primo shot that finds the net! 2-1



60 - Josephs hops on for McEachran, who's had a really solid game, but is tired.

77 - Josephs with a nice pass to Forbes. It's then on to
Nti, who shows off his own passing ability by moving it to Husbands. Our lone international team cap weaves through the defense and sinks the diagonal to essentially salt this game away 3-1

7.9 for Stu Ottaway, 8.2 for PotM Danny Nti. Now 6 points out of 1st, so maybe we can get hot at just the right time and pull off the miracle of miracles? Let's not get too far ahead of ourselves though.

Owen Kabodi is out 6 to 8 weeks, which sucks.

Youth Intake
New rule here - If you pass the basic current talent test, you're signed. If you don't, I ignore you. So here's the youth players that get signed:

MC/DC Kurt Twomey (15)
DRC Steven Austin (15)
DLC Gary Dowridge (15)
DLCR/MR Simon Farrell (15)
DLR Jeffrey Green (15)
ST Nigel Swaine (15)

6th vs Needham Market (13th)
G: Nathan Thompson
D: Jack Cawley/Stu Ottoway/Egzon Asllani/Tim Pitt
M: Joe Asensi/Aaron Malton/Will Forbes/Rheo Josephs
S: Michael Husbands/Danny Nti

5 - Heh. That didn't last long. Josephs is once again injured and forced off, so McEachran comes on for him.

18 - Asensi on the corner and it falls into traffic. Ottoway sneaks through and kicks it in. Otta way, Ottaway! 1-0

31 - Fucking pissant failure to clear by either Asllani or Ottoway 1-1

We're playing like trash and the team Eeyores on me when I get firm with them at the break. Malton to DC for Asllani, Barnett at MC, and Williams in for Husbands at ST.

56 - WHAT THE FUCK, DEFENSE?!?! 1-2

61 - Unfucking believable. 1-3

Nathan Thompson and Jack Cawley played like they did not give a fuck today, so I don't give a fuck if they start next game.

[Brian Swartz]

Originally Posted by Izulde

From what I've heard of Dwarf Fortress, I'm never playing it. Why? Because I'd end up on The First 48 if I did. And CSI: Miami is done with and that's the only show I'd ever want a criminal act of mine fictionalized on.

True 'nuff. Which is interesting because we're polar opposites I think in how we play. Me, I embrace the 'Losing Is Fun' mantra. I think this is why I enjoy your stuff so much, and it's hilarious to me that you're the one struggling(at the moment) in FM while I'm actually slightly annoyed that my career has gotten off to as good a start as it has. Like it's coming a bit too easy. Perhaps things will change, for both of us.

[mrtourette]

I would expand that mantra to 'Izulde losing is fun'.

[Izulde]

Leon Burnell signs with Walsham-le-Willows to get more PT. On the one hand, it sucks because he was my top choice for a backup. On the other hand, we've got a lot of defensive backs in the system.

(6th) @Soham Town Rangers (3rd)
G: Matthew Malek
D: Taylor Bone/Stu Ottoway/Egzon Asllani/Tim Pitt
M: Joe Asensi/Aaron Malton/Will Forbes/Rheo Josephs
S: Michael Husbands/Danny Nti

14 - Forbes is knocked out, so in comes Barnett.

39 - We're awarded a penalty even though Soham Town protests it mightily. To be honest, it damn well was a penalty, so i'm pleased to see Husbands nail it. 1-0

46 - And of course Husbands gets knocked, so I have to put Williams in.

82 - How did I know that was going to happen? 1-1

Let's be honest. Despite the late goal, this is a game we should have been absolutely ripped apart, so to scrabble out a draw against a semi-pro team on their own turf is a solid result.

We lose Will Forbes for 2 weeks, further depleting our midfield.

Good Trains
Troy Harrison
Stu Ottoway

Bad Trains
Michael Husbands
Egzon Asllani

Board very pleased. Profit $211.

We make our first signing for next year, but because we're past the transfer deadline, he won't be joining until June.

6th @Wisbech Town (11th)
G: Nathan Thompson
D: Jack Cawley/Stu Ottoway/Egzon Asllani/Troy Harrison
M: Rheo Josephs/Aaron Malton/Callum Barnett/Carl McEachran
S: Michael Husbands/Danny Nti

2 - Thompson really doesn't care about this team 0-1

7 - Recovered clearance by Malton leads to layoff to Barnett and the crackerjack long-range shot finds its way home for a first ever goal for him 1-1

8 - Knock for Cawley but he'll play on

9 - Bar robs Husbands after gorgeous setup passes by Malton and Nti

14 - Malton saves a dangerous goal kick by Thompson, and while Nti's move-concluding shot misses, the opposing keeper manages to own goal it anyway when the ball bounces off his back and in the goal. Was pretty funny actually. 2-1

21 - That's like the 4th time this game the framwork has screwed us out of a goal.

26 - Another knock on Husbands and this one is serious enough that I sub in Williams.

37 - Terrible throw-in by Asllani and they score on the break 2-2

Backline stinks today. Bone in for Cawley, Malton moves to DC to oust Ottaway, and Merrick Cornwell slides in at MC.

59 - Golden opportunity and they can't get the header down.

85 - Williams is looking like a bust. Dude just can not score goals.

87 - Of course this happens. 2-3

The real kicker? It was Jason Frost, former Thetford Town prospect, who scored two goals. It was an absolute shitfest of a second half. And of course Michael Husbands is out 3 to 4 weeks.

We make another signing for next season to help our striker depth. I'm also re-researching LLM play and am getting some new ideas for next season, since we'll be playing down again - 4 games left and we're 14 points back, so we're mathematically eliminated. Might even see me try out these new tactics with our remaining games of the year.

[Izulde]

Originally Posted by Brian Swartz

True 'nuff. Which is interesting because we're polar opposites I think in how we play. Me, I embrace the 'Losing Is Fun' mantra. I think this is why I enjoy your stuff so much, and it's hilarious to me that you're the one struggling(at the moment) in FM while I'm actually slightly annoyed that my career has gotten off to as good a start as it has. Like it's coming a bit too easy. Perhaps things will change, for both of us.

Perhaps. I do remember you struggling your first season I think, but it appears you're starting to pick it up. I think what irritates me most about this is that we seem to be on a treadmill. It's what aggravates me about the team I run in GAH (DDS 1 historical league I co-commish) - we're consistently in that second rank of teams.. not quite good enough to reach elite contender status, but better than a mediocre franchise, and nothing I've tried has broken us through. It's even more aggravating when we've made the Finals twice and lost both times, while our main rivals in Boston and New Jersey (I'm the Knicks) have each won a title.

I'll also note that in all three versions of MP DDS I've played, I've yet to win a division title, though I have two Finals appearances in GAH and a

Spoiler

championship title in NLL

. Put that note in spoiler in case I resume publishing my NLL articles here.

[Izulde]

Originally Posted by mrtourette

I would expand that mantra to 'Izulde losing is fun'.

I'm glad y'all are enjoying it. At least somebody is.

[Izulde]

I noticed that a *lot* of teams at this level use this formation, including the ones that usually beat us, so we'll try it out and see. Not sure about the playmaker and target man stuff, but we'll let it go for now and see if we can be un-Frozen with this setup.

(7th) vs Welsham-le-Willows (14th)
G: Matthew Malek
D: Jack Cawley/Stu Ottoway/Egzon Asllani/Tim Pitt
DM: Merrick Cornwell
MC: Aaron Malton/Callum Barnett
AM: Joe Asensi/Carl McEachran
S: Danny Nti

With Michael Husbands out with injury, this is the perfect time to experiment with this formation and see if it works. Interestingly enough, W-L-W is doing their own formation change, opting for a 4-4-1-1.

8 - Malek goal kicks it to McEachran, who dribbles down the wing, then moves back to the sideline, whereupon he launches a booming cross that fluke goals into the net. He celebrates with a windmill arm pump. 1-0

11 - Barnett is showing great toughness and persistence this game. He gets knocked down, he gets up again, cuz Willows are never, ever gonna keep him down. Some passing stuff, the last of which is Asensi short passing it to Nti, and our young Nigerian striker, who has showed such fantastic form all year long in passing, gives it to a flying McEachran, and just like that, 2 goals for a kid who's flown under the radar since he got here. 2-0

28 - Malton heads it on to Nti, who sees an opening and fires it off to the left for a running Asensi to beat the defense and flip the diagonal shot past the keeper! 3-0

38 - First time I've seen the AI do a non-injury substitution in the first half. They're really floundering.

45 - Laziness is how you let teams back in the game, folks! 3-1

So yeah, we totally dominated that first half, but there's a lot of guys who looked complacent towards the end of it, which is why we gave up that late goal. A lot of the guys look confused when I tell them not to get complacent, so here we go with subs. Or rather, just one for now. Bone in for Ottoway.

51 - ....Yeah. This is what I was afraid of. Cornwell's bad pass cost us here, as well as the defense's failure to get back, so off he goes for Ryan Horne 3-2

78 - Barnett gives the ball to Nti, and like 3 defenders coverge, so Danny Boy simply sends it forward and to the right for a wide open Malton to breeze through and send it home. This is kind of a fun offense, despite the fact that I'm used to strikers being the goal scorers 4-2

So many awards to give out. Matthew Malek with a 7.9, Callum Barnett with a 7.7, Aaron Malton with an 8.1, Carl McEachran with a PotM-winning 8.8, and Danny Nti with an 8.5. I thought this was going to be a former Thetford Town-heavy squad we faced, but only Matty Campbell was in the lineup, and he had a solid 6.9.

DLC Dean Allison complains about his lack of playing time and won't listen to reason, so off he goes.

(7th) @ Felixstowe & Walton United (18th)
G: Matthew Malek
D: Jack Cawley/Stu Ottoway/Egzon Asllani/Tim Pitt
DM: Will Forbes
MC: Aaron Malton/Callum Barnett
AM: Joe Asensi/Carl McEachran
S: Danny Nti

A boring first half with nothing exciting to note, other than the information that Aaron Malton is struggling with the pressure of having a bunch of teams interested in him. I remember dude starting poorly when he first got here and kept bouncing in and out of the lineup, but as the season's gone on, he's been a real rock for us.

Anyway, Farley-Hearn comes in at ST at the half because Nti is having all kinds of an awful day out there.

48 - Terrible job by the defense 0-1

56 - [b]Sam Hearn[b/] is back in because Ottaway looks like he doesn't care, and Ronnie Linsdale appears at AML for a tired Asensi.

80 - Fucking long shots 0-2

So typical of this team. We have an amazing game and then play like shit the next. We'll stick with it though - lot of injuries and stuff, and honestly, they were lucky to get the goals they did.

[b](7th) @ Gorleston FC (5th)

G: Matthew Malek
D: Jack Cawley/Sam Hearn/Egzon Asllani/Tim Pitt
DM: Will Forbes
MC: Aaron Malton/Owen Kabodi
AM: Joe Asensi/Carl McEachran
S: Danny Nti

We'll switch to Counter for this one but leave everything else the same. This will also be team captain Egzon Asllani's 70th game, breaking Jake Wells' team record.

A boring first half, but considering we're massive dogs, that's not such a bad thing.

61 - Linsdale on for Asensi, Cornwell replacing the tired Kabodi at MC.

89 - Yeah. No stopping that one 0-1

Cambridge Regional College wins the Chell Trophy. Watch me not care.

(7th) vs Diss Town (8th)
G: Matthew Malek
D: Jack Cawley/Stu Ottaway/Egzon Asllani/Troy Harrison
DM: Ryan Horne
MC: Aaron Malton/Callum Barnett
AM: Joe Asensi/Michael Husbands
S: Danny Nti

If we decide to stick with this for next season, we really need a lot more AMR depth than we have right now. As is, we're having to start an 85% Husbands.

17 - I think there's a lot of former players on this team, but in any case, Harrison gets the ball on the right side of the box and holds up before crossing to I forget who. Buzzeo steals the ball but Nti says thanks and sinks it to end his goal drought 1-0

25 - Great run through by Asensi after Nti's shot is deflected, but our AML flubs the wide open look.

They've had their chances as well, but we're able to hang on to a slim halftime lead. No changes for now, but the second half is probably going to be a disaster.

58 - Linsdale and Cornwell in at AML and for a tired Malton respectively.

67 - Here's a nice kick in the balls. Paul Buzzeo getting a PK on us and converting 1-1

90 - Perfect open look for Linsdale, and he blows it.

We should have won this one, and it's a damn shame we didn't. Still, I'm learning things about this system - energy levels drop quite quickly, so stamina is going to be an important factor going forward. That was our last game of the season, too, which I didn't realize.

Just for the hell of it, I bitch about the penalty at the post-game presser, and get warned by the FA. Oh well, suck it.



Weird season overall. Norwich United gets screwed, and an Amateur team wins the championship. That means yet another semi-pro team, which is going to put us deeper and deeper in the hole.

Not a single Thetford Town player made it in the Top 10 in any league categories other than Egzon Asllani tying for appearances, which sucks.

Defenders


Obviously Aaron Malton is going to show up a couple different spots, but overall... yeah... Tim Pitt clearly outplayed the more overall talented Troy Harrison, and Jack Cawley and Egzon Asllani are the clear stars of the backline. Stu Ottaway is only 17, so there's that to explain for him, and Sam Hearn was a disappointing bust so far.

Midfielders


Lot of flux to this position. Aaron Malton is a keeper of course, and so is Joe Asensi, who had one bad 5.9 game that dragged down his last 5 game ratings. Ryan Horne showed in his two games that he deserves a longer look at DM next season, but Carl McEachran had one fluke great game and the rest were whatever. I'm also not convinced about anyone opposite Malton at MC, though the young kids in Merrick Cornwell and Will Forbes did show glimmers of future promise.

Strikers


Danny Nti is a star, and was our biggest find this season. Michael Husbands will probably be our starting AMR going into next season, but we'll be on the lookout for better options there.

Oh yeah... Goalkeeper. Matthew Malek had 6.92 compared to Nathan Thompson's 6.63, despite my coaches believing 2.5* to 4* overall rating, so we'll just keep going with that.

Need Areas
DC
AMR
MC (Already have one coming)
Depth all around most likely, particularly at the AM spots. MC, DM, and DR are probably of lesser concern.

[Izulde]

Good Trains (Month)
Carl McEachran
Troy Harrison
Owen Kabodi
Jeffrey Green

I start making a bunch of signings, but I'll report on those once they come in.

Year End Review
Board - Pleased
Stu Ottaway and Anthony Williams - Some Improvement
Troy Harrison - Improved Well

Our scout, Kenny Blackburn, is lured away to be a coach elsewhere. He's been with us for all three years so it's a little sad to see him go, but 33 year old Shane Duff is half his age and equal his talent.

We lost almost $23,000 on the year, which I forget how that compares to previous years. It's a hard knock life being an amateur team with a huge ass loan to pay off.

Transfer In - MC/DM Jason Wood (22) - From Arnold Town
Not the most stellar career by average ratings so far, but 13 Pace, 9 Passing, 15 Natural Fitness, 11 Agility, 10 Balance, 10 Work Rate.. there's a lot to love about this kid, and he comes into town as an early favorite to challenge Callum Barnett for the MC spot next to Aaron Malton.

Transfer In - ST Dom Petrucci (23) - From Brantham Athletic
5 goals and 5 assists in 17 appearances from our league foe last season. 12 Pace, 12 Acceleration, 10 Agility, 10 Balance. Purely a physical specimen and depth guy.

Transfer In - AML/R Jordan Sidhu (17) - From Dagenham & Redbridge
Upper division (BS Premier last year) youth candidate who never got a shot there. 10 Pace, 10 Natural Fitness, 10 Acceleration, 13 Teamwork, 10 Workrate. Not saying he'll be the starter, but he'll get a chance to prove himself as a rotation guy.

Transfer In - MC Luke Muldowney (28) - From Croydon FC
Why a 28 year old? 9 Passing, 11 Teamwork, 11 Workrate, and not a single Physical attribute lower than 7, and just 2 of them below 10. Highlights are 13 Natural Fitness and 12 Pace. Will challenge for a starting spot.

Transfer In - DC Max Bridges (23) - From Rochester United and Dorking
Yeah he's a major bust on the field (Never higher than 6.5 average for same level teams), but with 12 Pace and Acceleration, and 11 Bravery, maybe he can resurrect his career here.

Transfer In - DR Scott Ramsey (18) - From Halesowen Town
Prospect signing.

Transfer In - AMC/AMR/ST Lamell Howell (19) - From Cambridge United
BS Premier prospect who never got a shot like Sidhu. Unclear how good he'll be as the whole AM wingers thing is new to me. Might be more ready now, though.

Transfer In - DL/R Calvin Powell (18) - From Biggleswade Town
A prospect who might see some playing time on the left side since he's faster than Taylor Bone (10 to 7 Pace) and much better at marking (8 to 5).

So what does my assman think of all these new guys? Loves Jason Wood and thinks Jordan Sidhu is decent. Everyone else is booed.

Transfer In - DLCR/DM Lewis Clover (18) - From Welsham-le-Willows
I wanted a tall, fast central defender to guard against corner kicks, and at 6'5, 207, this prospect fits the bill. I also love his multi-position versatility. Well I thought his pace was 10, but it check in at 9 now I guess. Still a solid player who I'm going to give a crack at starting.

So... Aaron Malton stabs us in the back by signing with Woodbridge Town. Not cool, dude. Not cool at all. Worse yet, the guy we try to land who would actually be an upgrade over him signs with Needham Market. And that really screws us over, because there's nobody left worth signing.

Callum Barnett is considered the worst signing of last season. Uh, okay. Whatever dude.

WOW! Tim Pitt is voted Fans' Player of the Year. I mean I know things were crazy with who to pick and stuff, but wow oh wow.



All-Time


I have no idea why George Jones has his name in red, but I'm going to take it as a cue I should try to sign him back.

Moses Jjunju signed with Gorleston FC by the way.

My coaching staff thinks 4-1-3-2, 4-2-2-2, and 4-4-1-1 are our best options to play. I don't like any of those formations, but will keep them in mind if we start to flounder.

[Izulde]

Transfer In - ST/MC/AML Craig Archer (18) - From Sittingbourne
13 Pace, 12 Acceleration, 10 Agility, 10 Natural Fitness, 12 Teamwork show the kid has the physical tools and the right mindset, even if he's technically rawer than cookie dough at the moment. Probably a depth signing, but you never know.

Our second major defection of the offseason occurs when Jack Cawley gets paid $5,000 from Bedford Town and this leaves us scrambling to try and find a replacement. We have nobody who qualifies and that hurts.

vs Hertford Town (Friendly)
GK: Matthew Malek (24)
DL: Calvin Powell (18)
DC: Lewis Clover (18)
DC: Stu Ottaway (17)
DR: Egzon Asllani (24)
DM: Jason Wood (22)
MC: Callum Barnett (18)
MC: Owen Kabodi (21)
AML: Joe Asensi (22)
AMR: Carl McEachran (19)
ST: Michael Husbands (31)

That's what my assman recommends, so we'll try it out.

Boring first half. Nobody likes Egzon Asllani as captain this year.

91 - Will Forbes steals the ball on a long free kick and sends it to Joe Asensi, who runs all the way down the left side of the field before crossing into the six yard box, where Jordan Sidhu puts it away, redeeming what had been a bad looking game from the youngster 1-0

Lewis Clover looks a winner already, netting a 7.4 and PotM recognition. 7.2 for Calvin Powell, 7.1 for Joe Asensi, 7.3 for Jordan Sidhu, and 7.0 for Tim Pitt and Ryan Horne.

Max Bridges is out for 2 weeks but although he had a good game (6.9) I'm not seeing it as a huge loss.

Craig Archer goes out for 2 weeks as well due to a training injury.

vs Bourne Town (Friendly)
GK: Matthew Malek (24)
DL: Taylor Bone (18)
DC: Lewis Clover (18)
DC: Stu Ottaway (17)
DR: Troy Harrison (19)
DM: Jason Wood (22)
MC: Callum Barnett (18)
MC: Owen Kabodi (21)
AML: Jordan Sidhu (19)
AMR: Michael Husbands (31)
ST: Danny Nti (22)

Still going (largely) with assman recs, though he keeps wanting to put Tim Pitt as DL due to our poor options. Vice captain Troy Harrison doesn't impress anyone either.

20 - Nothing to be done about that rebound goal, though Harrison could have tried to defend it 0-1

34 - That one was on Ottaway for his terrible clearance 0-2

46 - Blown sitter by McEachran

47 - On the other hand, McEachran sure has luck with fluke goals 1-2

58 - You're supposed to be fast, Clover. Y U GET BEAT OUT?! 1-3 Oh wait, no he's not... he's slower than expected.

65 - So my assman thinks Anthony Williams is the best striker on our team. He continues not to show it, shanking an easy one here.

[b[71[/b] - So gonna switch to the 4-4-1-1 after this. 1-4

74 - Linsdale blows an easy shot, but Williams interferes with the rebound. Defense takes it out, but Linsdale is there to salt it away. Too bad he's lost all my confidence in him 2-4

77 - Are you really, really sure about that, Linsdale asks, as he latches on to a bad goal kick and launches in a second goal. 3-4

Starting to get a sense of who belongs on this team and who doesn't, but we'll look at the 4-4-1-1 and see what comes of it the next two friendlies.

Preseason Odds
Haverhill Rovers: 3-1
Needham Market: 3-1
Norwich United: 3-1
Woodbridge Town: 5-1
Dereham Town: 5-1
Thetford Town: 40-1 with midtable finish projection - same as it ever was

Actually last year I think we were 35-1, so we keep getting worse and worse odds.

vs Hatfield Town (Friendly)
GK: Matthew Malek (24)
DL: Taylor Bone (18)
DC: Ebzon Asllani (24)
DC: Stu Ottaway (17)
DR: Tim Pitt (24)
ML: Joe Asensi (22)
MC: Jason Wood (22)
MC: Owen Kabodi (21)
MR: Rheo Josephs (19)
AMC: Callum Barnett (18)
ST: Michael Husbands (31)

7 - Asllani is still hated on by everyone, and he gets destroyed here 0-1

22 - Husbands gets the ball on a clearance, makes an insanely long run down the pitch and makes an even crazier cross to Asensi, who hits home the volley 1-1

34 - Asensi's robbed by the post

Second half was whatever.

Cuts
Liam Douglas
Bobby Wild
Spencer Solkhon
Kieran Bonwick
Jimmy Wells
Darren Jell
Troy Harrison
Taylor Bone
Stu Ottaway
Ronnie Linsdale

I'm going all in with the speed program, and these kids just couldn't cut it.

Transfer In - DR Jack North (19)
12 Pace, 11 Acceleration, 10 Balance, 10 Agility. Has some tackling ability (7), but is a depth signing.

Transfer In - DLCR Abu Rayhan (24) - From Desborough Town
12 Pace, 11 Natural Fitness, 11 Acceleration, 10 Workrate, 9 Tackling. Can't jump or hit headers at all, so I see him strictly as a wingback, and not anyone I'd want to put in the middle.

Grant Ryder, Sr. says he's worried about Match Preparation because only 1 tactic and progress hasn't been going well, blah blah. We're an Amateur side. Get over it.

Transfer In - MC/AMC Tristan Jarvis (23) - From Godmanchester Rovers
You mean the guy we let go is back? Yeah, he is. 11 Pace, 10 Natural Fitness, 11 Acceleration, 8 Passing. He did well for us before when he got limited chances.

vs Kirkley & Pakefield (Friendly)
GK: Matthew Malek (24)
DL: Calvin Powell (18)
DC: Lewis Clover (18)
DC: Abu Rayhan (24)
DR: Egzon Asllani (24)
ML: Joe Asensi (22)
MC: Jason Wood (22)
MC: Owen Kabodi (21)
MR: Rheo Josephs (19)
AMC: Tristan Jarvis (23)
ST: Danny Nti (22)

Still assman picks except DL. To be honest, Danny Nti is on real thin ice (Pace is only 9), and could see himself out the door if a faster striker comes along, and if he keeps going cold like he did late in the year.

20 - Meh. 0-1

65 Meh x 2 0-2

72 - Mehmehmeh. 0-3

We lose [b]Joe Asensi[b/] for 3 weeks, which is horrible because there's no one on this team I trust to man the ML spot.

Players will just have to adjust to Egzon Asllani as Captain because he's still the most influential player on the team. Jason Wood is named the new Vice-Captain.

Rheis Farley-Hearn is cut on my staff's recommendation.

Transfer In - ML George Coy (19)
Good physical attributes as per the norm. Can play all along the left side and MC despite being a technical disaster.

vs Woodbridge Town
G: Matthew Malek
D: Calvin Powell/Lewis Clover/Egzon Asllani/Tim Pitt
M: Rheo Josephs/Jason Wood/Ryan Horne/Simon Farrell (U18 Callup)
AM: Tristan Jarvis
ST: Anthony Williams

Let's hope this works...

18 - Fuck this game, seriously. 0-1

26 - First senor game. Gets knocked out in 26th minute. And we have no fucking reserves. Fuck this bitchass bullshit. Barnett is in at AMC with wonky ass Jarvis at MR.

The 4-4-1-1 sucks huge, hairy nuts, so we're getting rid of that bullshit and going back to the 4-5-1. Fuck all the changes I make because we're losing this opener anyway.

We play eons better in the second half, so fuck the coach who said the 4-4-1-1 was our best formation. Steve West, you're fired as of today. And fuck Callum Barnett for signing with Wesham-le-Willows. Traitor dick bitch.

25 season tickets sold, same as last year. Snore snore.

Transfer In - Ted Gusterston (18)
Pacey (12) with great Teamwork (15) sucks on technical stuff. Can play MR, AMC, ST, and MC tho.

I sign the most amazing coach ever, David Woodvine. 13 Attack, 12 Defense, 12 Tactical, 15 Working With Youngsters. It's so inspiring, I fire Grant Ryder, Sr as my assman and hire James Bittner (15 Goalkeepers, 13 Fitness, 12 Working With Youngsters, 13 Discipline) as my new assman. Together those two actually make two of our areas 2*, which I think is amazing for an amateur team.

Flash just crashed, so I'm going to post and then keep going. I *will* start getting fucking wins, damn it!

[Izulde]

vs Ely City (Chell Trophy 1st Round 1st Leg)
G: Matthew Malek
D: Calvin Powell/Lewis Clover/Egzon Asllani/Callum Adams
DM: Will Forbes
MC: Jason Wood/Ryan Horne
AM: Jordan Sidhu/Michael Husbands
ST: Anthony Williams

28 - Sidhu is knocked, but will keep going.

Frustrating first half. Chance after chance after chance after chance and we keep shanking them. Not sure what the solution is here.

55 - Powell is knocked out, so Simon Farrell comes in at DL. Wood drops to DM and Muldowney jumps in at MC.

Wow, we just can not get anything to go in and Jordan Sidhu is out 4 to 5 weeks on top of it.

(17th) @ Norwich United (11th)
G: Matthew Malek
D: Abu Rayhan/Max Bridges/Kurt Twomey (U18 Callup)/Tim Pitt
DM: Jason Wood
MC: Luke Muldowney/Owen Kabodi
AM: Nigel Swaine (U18 Callup)/Carl McEachran
ST: Dom Petrucci

40 - Fucking bitchass clearance by Rayhan assfucked us 0-1

Pitt is benched for Clover, Williams for Nti at the break.

64 - We *finally* fucking score our first competitive goal of the season on an amazing run and shoot by Nti. 1-1

76 - Muldowney, who naturally has been having an amazing game, is knocked out. Jarvis is in.

93 - GO RIGHT FUCKING AHEAD YOU STUPID PUNK ASS FUCKING ASSPOUNDER DICKSMURF HOSAWRHOTGRG890RTGRTGIDRsfioAITYWE89PYRTHWUIPFGYD89YFRWE9UIY789PFSDGFHWEIPUFGFGPEUIRQEGPRQWEGUEGUI9PGUIPQWEHASDFUIGSDFI8FGI8FGPSWEWERPPWERWERRFG 1-2

EAT A DICK AND DIE YOU STUPID FUCKING FM!

[Izulde]

So I'm reading it takes about 10 games for a tactic to settle in... so I'll stick with the 4-5-1 for those 10 games and then re-assess, as I do rather like it, all in all. Just fucking frustrating to lose by one damned goal in both league games, though one was with a 4-4-1-1.

(17th) vs Hadleigh United (9th)
G: Matthew Malek
D: Abu Rayhan/Lewis Clover/Egzon Asllani/Callum Adams
DM: Jason Wood
MC: Luke Muldowney/Owen Kabodi
AM: Joe Asensi/Michael Husbands
ST: Danny Nti

By the way we're the only team in the league with 0 points. Yeah, fuck that shit, eh?

4 - Why is it my tall DCs always suck at heading on corners? Jake Wells did it and now Lewis Clover is.

13 - The ball's tackled away from Nti, but Muldowney is there to apply the 20 yard finish! 1-0

34 - I'll take this time to note Kelechi Opara hooked up with them. No he didn't score this, though. 1-1

Trying to stay calm. Asllani is benched for Simon Farrell and Kabodi takes a seat for Horne

60 - Nti doesn't like what he's seeing so he kicks it back to Adams for the immediate pass down to Muldowney. Our veteran MC signing sends it through to Asensi, and a low skimmer shot finds the net. 2-1

81 - YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE FAST, ASSFUCKS! Husbands gets the blame for this one. 2-2

Nti will feel he should have contributed more. No shit. Like 3 shots he should have had in, including an injury time shot that when he missed, I banged my head on my rolltop desk.

I suppose it's a point finally, but it's also the second straight game a late goal has let us way the fuck down. 5.7 for Nti, 5.8 for Husbands and Adams. All 3 getting benched for next game.

Good Train
Michael Husbands

Bad Train
Joe Asensi

$946 loss last month. Board is down to satisfied.

@Ely City (Chell Trophy 1st Round 2nd Leg)
G: Matthew Malek
D: Calvin Powell/Lewis Clover/Egzon Asllani/Tim Pitt
DM: Jason Wood
MC: Travis Jarvis/Ryan Horne
AM: Nigel Swaine/Carl McEachran
ST: Anthony Williams

Gonna be honest. I don't give a fuck about the cup games. Winning promotion is what's most critical to keep from falling further behind the 8 ball.

4 - McEachran with the free kick to Williams... only the defender gets there first. Sadly for him, he heads it into his own goal 1-0

44 - Terrible goal kick by the opposition has Williams charging to intercept, smoke the two defenders, and *finally* put away his first ever goal for us on a one on one with the keeper! 2-0

56 - Forbes in for Woods and Twomey on for Jarvis

93 - I don't know how the hell he does it, but McEachran once again gets a crazy goal, this time on a 30 yard free kick 3-0

Was this finally the breakthrough performance we've been looking for? 8.2 for Lewis Clover, who just may be the new Jake Wells. 7.8 for Carl McEachran and 8.3 for PotM Anthony Williams, who might *finally* start to deliver on his talent?

15th @ Felixstowe & Walton United (17th)
G: Matthew Malek
D: Calvin Powell/Lewis Clover/Egzon Asllani/Callum Adams
DM: Jason Wood
MC: Luke Muldowney/Owen Kabodi
AM: Joe Asensi/Michael Husbands
ST: Danny Nti

Oh BTW... Needham Town and Woodbridge Town have won their first 4 games of 4 in league play. Steep mountain to climb indeed.

Boring first half. We need another AMR because Husbands is just not suited to the task at all. Petrucci in for Nti

51 - Well I gave him his shot and Adams keeps stinking. Rayhan on for him.

Had a few shots but couldn't convert. Another day, another draw. Just hope that boost kicks in after 10 games. Calvin Powell is out 2-3 weeks.

Transfer In - AMR Ben Yiadom (27) - From Fisher FC
Strictly a depth signing.

15th vs Diss Town (11th)
G: Matthew Malek
D: Abu Rayhan/Lewis Clover/Egzon Asllani/Tim Pitt
DM: Jason Wood
MC: Luke Muldowney/Owen Kabodi
AM: Joe Asensi/Carl McEachran
ST: Anthony Williams

After a snoozeworthy first half, Yiadom is in for McEachran and Forbes steps up for Kabodi due to tiredness.

71 - Heh. Asensi hits [b]Williams in the head with a shot.

76 - The crossbar unfairly robs Williams. Brain must still be rattled from that headshot.

Transfer In - George Jones (22)
Needs no introduction as a former Thetford Town player, who is still in the All-Time Best 11

3 straight draws.

vs Verwood Town (FA Vase Qualifying Round)
G: Matthew Malek
D: Abu Rayhan/Lewis Clover/Egzon Asllani/Tim Pitt
DM: Jason Wood
MC: Luke Muldowney/Owen Kabodi
AM: Jordan Sidhu/George Jones
ST: Anthony Williams

Asensi and Yiadom take over at the half. Same old story of amazing defense and complete inability to score up front.

51 - I forgot to set my non-Husbands PK kickers, and we get one after Asensi is absolutely hammered in the goal box. It's our captain, Asllani, who's given the option, and he converts. 1-0

60 - FUCK YOU! HE WAS OFFSIDES! 1-1

78 - I can't take this shit anymore. Petrucci in for Williams.

88 - I smack the wall and god damned fucking lucky I don't put a fucking hole in it 1-2

ONCE AGAIN WE FUCKING LOSE WITH A FUCKING BULLSHIT LATE GOAL!

And WE STILL DON'T HAVE A FUCKING LEAGUE WIN.

[JonInMiddleGA]

Nothing more than an "I'm reading" post

[Brian Swartz]

Originally Posted by Izulde

93 - GO RIGHT FUCKING AHEAD YOU STUPID PUNK ASS FUCKING ASSPOUNDER DICKSMURF HOSAWRHOTGRG890RTGRTGIDRsfioAITYWE89PYRTHWUIPFGYD89YFRWE9UIY789PFSDGFHWEIPUFGFGPEUIRQEGPRQWEGUEGUI9PGUIPQWEHASDFUIGSDFI8FGI8FGPSWEWERPPWERWERRFG 1-2

On one level, I simply have no words. On another, I find it amusing the increasing number of times lately that the rage reaches the level where there simply is no description at all of how they scored or what the issue was that caused it, it's more about Coach Izulde's reaction.

[mrtourette]

A simple "Whatever. 1-5" tells us more about the performance and the coach's mindset than any detailed description of the actual game ever could.

[Izulde]

JIMGA: Glad to know you're reading

Brian Swartz: This is definitely a game that destroys souls and induces rage, or something.

mrtourette: Pretty much! Hope the 10 game mark is where we start turning things around.

[Izulde]

Maybe I need to have a longer preseason or something. I've been training Tactics at Average intensity as my main focus, since as an Amateur team, you can't train for Match Prep.

Sam Hearn goes on a free because he's miserable.

(14th) @Soham Town Rangers (4th)
G: Matthew Malek
D: Calvin Powell/Lewis Clover/Egzon Asllani/Abu Rayhan
DM: Jason Wood
MC: Luke Muldowney/Owen Kabodi
AM: Joe Asensi/George Jones
ST: Anthony Williams

Good solid first half, and there were a few times we could have gone ahead if Jones hadn't taken some ill-advised shots. Still need to break through with a win, but morale's pretty bad right now, so yeah.

56 - Yiadom in for Jones, Horne on for Kabodi

[b[68[/b] - Muldowney is called offsides. Whatever.

70 - Fuck the fluke goal right up the fucking ass 0-1

72 - And the second half fuckup continues 0-2

81 - A terrible miss by Horne. Not that it matters.

83 - Fucking told you 0-3

Everyone's morale has sunk to Poor or Fairly Poor by now. Time to have them go off Tactics and work on Attacking and Fitness instead in the weekly trains.

Good Train
Dan Gittings

Bad Train
Michael Husbands

$3.06k lost last month. Board is still satisfied despite on our on-pitch struggles.

Craig Archer is out 3 months with a broken toe. Why did we sign him again?

15th @Wisbech Town (8th)
G: Matthew Malek
D: Calvin Powell/Lewis Clover/Egzon Asllani/Abu Rayhan
DM: Jason Wood
MC: Luke Muldowney/Owen Kabodi
AM: Joe Asensi/George Jones
ST: Anthony Williams

Remember the days when it seemed like we could score at will? Whatever happened to them. Horne on for Muldowney, Sidhu for Asensi at the half.

58 - Jones with the corner to the head of Clover, and the knock-in goes in for a rare, precious goal and second half lead 1-0

60 - Jones runs down a long ball from somebody, I forget who just now, and makes a perfect cross to Williams, who sneaks through the traffic to sink it. This is what rain after a long, long drought feels like 2-0

63 - 2-1

80 - What the fuck ever. Fucking corner kicks 2-2

So clearly this seems to be down to fitness, but I'll also make use of the Retain Possession shout when it gets to this point as well.

8.3 and PotM for George Jones and 8.1 for Lewis Clover. Jordan Sidhu was a 5.9 bust.

17th vs Needham Market (3rd)
G: Matthew Malek
D: Calvin Powell/Lewis Clover/Egzon Asllani/Abu Rayhan
DM: Jason Wood
MC: Luke Muldowney/Owen Kabodi
AM: Joe Asensi/George Jones
ST: Anthony Williams

15 - Should've scored there, Williams.

27 - Jones makes an amazing run, then kickbacks to Kabodi, who launches a boomer diagonal to Asensi in the box, and it's no problem for the go-ahead goal. Now time to use Retain Possession? 1-0

We get a couple scares, but so far so good for the first half. Now if we can just hang on.

48 - 1-1

60 - Petrucci in for Williams. One thing I'm noticing is that my center midfielders seem to be doing a really bad job of being in position on goal kicks.

73 - Sidhu for Asensi, Horne for Kabodi

At least we didn't give up a late goal this time? Still another draw and still in last place, though.

Transfer In - DCR Lewis Smith (22)
My scout raved about this kid - 11 Pace, 11 Natural Fitness, 12 Acceleration, 10 Agility, 11 Tackling. He's out 3-5 weeks with a hernia injury yet, but the staff thinks he'll be great.

@Dereham Town (Chell Trophy 2nd Round 1st Leg
G: Matthew Malek
D: Calvin Powell/Lewis Clover/Egzon Asllani/Tim Pitt
DM: Will Forbes
MC: Kurt Twomey/Ryan Horne
AM: Joe Asensi/Ben Yiadom
ST: Michael Husbands

I give us no chance of winning this one, obviously. But that's all right. It's league play that matters.

34 - And that's why I called you a depth signing only, Yiadom. Husbands gets you a one on one with a beautiful pass and you shank it.

50 - Twomey is knocked, so Wood jumps in.

61 - Sidhu for Asensi, who is having an awful game.

63 - Fucking corner kicks. 0-1

70 - Yiadom on the corner finds Clover, who heads it down to Forbes for the wide-open shot... and finally somebody around here makes one 1-1

73 - Two terrible plays in a row by Asllani and they should have scored. We get out of it though, and Swaine is the new striker.

78 - Awful throw-in by Pitt nearly gives up the lead again

83 - Another golden opportunity for Yiadom and he not only shanks it, but is offsides.

94 - HO-LY SHIT! HO-LY SHIT! The defender nods it back towards his keeper, but the goalie is slow to come out, and here's U18 prospect Swaine beating the keeper to the punch, juking past the goalie and the defense for the absolutely STUNNING injury time goal with just seconds to go!!!!!!!!!!! 2-1



It wasn't *that* amazing a victory in terms of rating, but in terms of drama, oh fuck yes! Lewis Clover gets an 8.0 and PotM as he continues to try living up to the legend of Jake Wells. 7.3 each for our two goalscorers, Will Forbes and Nigel Swaine, and 7.1 for Tim Pitt, who the fans all love for some odd reason.

Even Kurt Twomey being out for 2 months can't dampen the thrill of that win.

It's so rare a positive note, I'm going to stop right there and go do Day 3 of the C25K program.

[Izulde]

Dat dere win could be the one that turns this season around, a match that becomes an epic saga of Thetford Town lore. ...Or it could be, you know, what such victories always seem to be in this dynasty - a god damn fluke followed by umpteen Ls and I don't mean lulz.

Callum Adams complains for the 900th time and this time he gets released on a free. You had your chance, dude. You didn't get it done.

Carl McEachran complains about his lack of PT as well even though he's been given 3 appearances this season. I promise he'll get a chance (read: Cup play).

Transfer In - GK James Hambridge (18)
Got released by BSN side Cambridge City without seeing a single minute of play time. He'll be our backup keeper for now, even though we're quite satisfied with Matthew Malek.

15th vs Cambridge Regional College (3rd)
G: Matthew Malek
D: Calvin Powell/Lewis Clover/Egzon Asllani/Tim Pitt
DM: Jason Wood
MC: Luke Muldowney/Owen Kabodi
AM: Joe Asensi/George Jones
ST: Anthony Williams

28 - Tell me again why Williams is the starter. Another easy goal he flubs. Nti may see his way back in the lineup soon.

44 - Jones latches on to the goal kick from Malek and sends it to Muldowney, who heads it in to space for Williams. So that's why we keep starting him... as he outruns the keeper, sneaks around, and makes the deposit. Damn near shanked it, though 1-0

Our fitness training emphasis really looks like it's starting to pay off. We have a ways to go yet, but whereas before guys were getting exhausted by halftime, there's considerably more energy now.

47 - If the dude had just struck on the right foot, Pitt would have been yelled at for his terrible coverage.

71 - Sigh. Farrell at DR, Horne for Kabodi, Sidhu for Jones. 1-1

88 - Good thing we got that extra keeper because Malek takes a knock.

91 - What the hell kind of weakass header is that, Sidhu?!

Another fucking frustrating draw. No shit Williams might feel he should have contributed more. Fortunate news that Matthew Malek is only out a week. Eddie Piper of course immediately complains he should have first team appearances, but he can go fuck himself.

vs Dereham Town (Chell Trophy Second Round Second Leg
G: James Hambridge
D: Calvin Powell/Lewis Clover/Egzon Asllani/Abu Rayhan
DM: Ryan Horne
MC: Luke Muldowney/Owen Kabodi
AM: Jordan Sidhu/Carl McEachran
ST: Michael Husbands

We have 2 away goals to our credit, so I *think* even with a 0-1 loss, we would advance without the bitchery of PKs, but I don't know for sure. We'll see how it goes.

10 - .... 0-1

23 - In an all too common occurrence, Muldowney is robbed by the crossbar.

I'm sick of watching McEachran take too many shots he shouldn't, and the team is playing kind of janky, but morale is fragile so I don't want to yell at them. Instead, I tell them to get me that one goal. Blank looks. Yiadom for McEachran.

51 - Brilliant interception by Horne who arches it to Husbands. The St. Lucian's shot is on target but deflected. Yiadom chases it on the wing and sends it to Muldowney if I remember right, but the ensuing cross to Husbands gets headed out. No problem, as Sidhu's corner finds Clover's head, and luck strikes home! 1-1

71 - I totally forgot to pause while I was doing the latter writeup, so I catch the tail end of a replay that has Sidhu on the left wing passing to the near post with Muldowney, who quick far posts it to Yiadom and the shot is truer than anything McEachran and his fluke goals ever did! 2-1

77 - Because we can pretty much relax now, Swaine subs in for Husbands

8.8 for Lewis Clover, who is starting to make even me forget about Jake Wells and 8.9 for PotM Luke Muldowney as the two players at 7.5 or above. We're on to the Chell Trophy Quarterfinals for the first time in my tenure

O.M.G.

Transfer In - MC/DM/ST Pelayo Gomez-Pico (22) - From Cambridge Regional College
I have wanted this Spanish dude ever since I first saw him play against us. Every single rating everywhere is a 7, 8, 9, or 10 and he has a career 7.05 rating. He was the 2013/14 Fan Player of the Year and has been in the Best 11 for all 3 seasons. In 2014 he was named Vice-Captain and prior to this season he was named Team Captain. But just on a complete fluke, I invited him to play for us. His initial reaction was "I don't have much interest in playing for your club, so it's going to have to be really great." BAM! Dropped the Key Player designation on him and HE ACCEPTED!!!! I have NO idea why he accepted and I don't care why. I'm just stoked like Stokke that he did. He comes in tired, so he'll miss the next match.

(15th) @ Ely City (10th)
G: James Hambridge
D: Calvin Powell/Lewis Clover/Egzon Asllani/Tim Pitt
DM: Jason Wood
MC: Luke Muldowney/Will Forbes
AM: Joe Asensi/George Jones
ST: Anthony Williams

30 - Muldowney plays the 1-2 with Clover, the latter than hoofing it up to Asensi, who sidesteps the defender and kicks in a diagonal shot! 1-0

Very good first half overall, but tiredness is going to be an issue in the second. I need to conserve my subs for as long as possible, and I have a feeling I'm going to be using all three.

51 - Asensi crosses to Clover, and that's blocked. Williams snatches the rebound and shoots, and *that*'s blocked. But the chip bounce from Williams has Forbes in prime position to power it home, which he does! Not going to celebrate yet - last time we were here, we crash and burned to a 2-2 draw. 2-0

60 - Horne for Muldowney and Farrell for Powell.

62 - Ugh. Former Thetford Town striker Rob Clegg gives them a glimmer of hope. By Asllani's 5.5 rating subsequent, it looks like he was at fault there. 2-1

66 - Jones looks complacent and is doing decent but not thrilling, so he's yanked for Yiadom

From then on it's sweat and nervousness but we finally pull it out for our first win of the league season. Lewis Clover made brilliant header after brilliant header in the second half and is rightfully PotM with a 9.0 rating. I'll also give credit to Joe Asensi for his 7.4 mark. I've noticed Egzon Asllani has had a couple games now where he's stunk in the second half, so it's probably time to give him a game off.

We move up just one place, to 14th, and now have 9 points with 1 win, 6 draws, and 3 losses. Oh, and if you think this is going to be the start of an amazing run to playoff promotion, Woodbridge Town has 8 wins, 3 draws, and 0 losses for 27 points. There's 32 games this year because there's 17 teams in the league, so... yeah. If you think we're going to catch Woodbridge Town, you just might not only be massive Thetford Town redneck homer, you might be high.

Still nice to finally get some wins, though, and I at least want to get up to mid-table position by season's end to ensure my job is safe. Right now I'm listed as Stable job security, but I was Very Secure the last few years, so we've taken a bit of a hit there.

[Izulde]

A couple of notes - I switched Poacher to Trequartista a few games back to see if that would help Anthony Williams. I've also been running Retain Possession as a shout from the beginning of the match the last several games. Still running Fitness as our area of emphasis in Training, with the idea that at this low a level, fitness can win (and lose) games all by itself.

Board satisfied. Lost $250 last month.

Bad Train
Michael Husbands

@Ely City (Eastern Senior Counties Cup Second Round
G: James Hambridge
D: Calvin Powell/Simon Farrell/Egzon Asllani/Abu Rayhan
DM: Jason Wood
MC: Luke Muldowney/Owen Kabodi
AM: Joe Asensi/George Jones
ST: Pelayo Gomez-Pico

With a nice break until our next match, we can afford to play the best health permitting lineup in this cup game. Yes, we're back in Ely City. No, this does not thrill me, even though we get to debut our new Mr. Everything.

11 - In the midst of umpteen corner kicks and blocked shots for us, it occurs to me to check and see if Gomez-Pico is our new best corner taker. He is. Oops. Time to change that, albeit too late to make a difference here.

29 - I just realized I forgot to set Retain Possession as a shout. Oops, that's done now.

Quite a few people playing like crap in the first half, so I tell those individuals specifically they need to get their shit together, and they all look fired up. Everyone else is living on Meh Island though.

53 - Looking worse, so Horne comes in at DM, Pico-Gomez moves to MC, and Danny Nti finally gets the call, while Woods and Muldowney take a seat.

65 - Sidhu on for a tired Asensi.

92 - Rayhan makes an amazing header on Hambridge's goal kick up to Jones, who passes it into space for Nti. The young Nigerian strides through and cooly sinks it! 1-0



(Yes, I just figured out how to make the screens bigger)

A poor match it may have been, but we once again find late cup play drama from a bench striker. 7.8 for Egzon Asllani, who started even though I was going to sit him because Lewis Clover needed a day off. He won PotM, ha! Abu Rayhan nets a 7.5.

And that's two Cups we're now on to the Quarterfinals of.

14th vs Brantham Athletic (16th)
G: Matthew Malek
D: Calvin Powell/Lewis Clover/Egzon Asllani/Lewis Smith
DM: Jason Wood
MC: Luke Muldowney/Owen Kabodi
AM: Joe Asensi/George Jones
ST: Pelayo Gomez-Pico

100% Energy levels for everyone but Smith (Just came back from injury after signing with us) and Malek (First game back from injury). I might think about switching to Balanced now... not sure.

0 - Fastest yellow I've ever seen. 15 seconds in for Kabodi. Note: I haven't been posting when players get yellows because I ignore it myself until they accumulate enough to get match bans.

15 - That's like 5 or 6 shots in a row they block this sequence, despite constant great setups or shots of his own by Asensi

39 - Block block block all through the first half, until Malek arcs a perfect ball to Gomez-Pico, who beautifully passes it ahead for Jones. There's just enough lift on the shot to get it in the net and our former, now again right midfielder his first goal of the season 1-0

I'm stunned we're not leading by more, and judging from the grim faces in the locker room (everyone dropped to Okay morale), they know it too.

62 - Horne at DM, Rayhan at DR.

76 - Bleh. Jones to MR, Sidhu in at AMR. Really pissed about this late goal. We'll stay on Fitness 1-1

86 - WHAT THE FUCK YOU ASSCLOWNS?!?! THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE AN AMAZEBALLS FUCKING TACTIC!!! 1-2

That was all down to our central midfield shitting the bed in the late game.

Egzon Asllani reveals Izulde Jestor fury. Some fuckwit praises the opposing manager for his halftime talk. Seriously, get fucked, assmaggot. We're now down to fucking 16th of 17 teams after that bullshit. That's also like the 3rd or 4th league game we've been fucked in the god damn soccer ass by a fucking late goal

And because there's not enough fucking salt in the wound, I get greeted with this shit the very next day:



The same team that stole Aaron Malton from us.

Transfer In - ST Spencer Talbot (18)
11 Agility, 9 Off The Ball, 9 Finishing, 9 Flair, 13 Jumping, 14 Teamwork, 11 Workrate.. just a really solid all around young striker who I think can step in and be an immediate starter, allowing us to move Pico-Gomez to the midfield and strengthen us there. Talbot was released by League 1 side Colchester United, so there's real hope he can be something special.

Transfer In - DM/MC Dil Spittlehouse (18) - From Walsham-le-Willows
I know, I know. But I didn't really give him a shot last time he was here. He had one bad game and I kicked him out. I'm honestly shocked he was willing to give us another go. 19 Determination, 11 Concentration, 11 Corners, 11 Acceleration, 10 Balance... he can do stuff.

16th @Walsham-le-Willows (14th)
G: Matthew Malek
D: Calvin Powell/Lewis Clover/Egzon Asllani/Lewis Smith
DM: Dil Spittlehouse
MC: Luke Muldowney/Pelayo Gomez-Pico
AM: Joe Asensi/George Jones
ST: Spencer Talbot

12 - Malek rushes out and fuck him for it. [b]0-1/b]

38 - THAT WAS NOT A FUCKING PENALTY!!!! 0-2

41 - WTF?!?! YOU ASSFARMERS FUCKING TOOK OUT LEWIS CLOVER?! FUCKING DIEKAO;IFHGARUIOGHAUIOGHRGHYGH89GER9YTR5RTFGRFGVST78RFGDUIFGSFIGUFGU9FP9FSGFUPGSFPGPSFGHPSGPFDFG

45 - ANTOHER FUCKING PENALTY?! HGOSHGOSHO ARE YOU FUCKOGNOSHGOSIHGOSGHOSFGHOSGHODGHDFGHODFG 0-3

We manage not to get scored on in the second half. Watch me give no fucks. Fuck this 4-5-1 which has done jack shit in 10+ games but give us fluky Cup wins and cement our asses to the fucking bottom of the fucking bottomest ass of all the fucking leagues.

[Izulde]

So what's the newest fancy plan? We'll get to that in a second.

Joe Asensi is ripped in the media for his recent poor play. [b]Anthony Adams[b/] is out 2 months with injury and Dom Petrucci will miss a week and a half.

Transfer In - MC/AMC/ST Ricky Clarke (20)
14 Bravery, 10 Determination, 10 Flair, 17 Teamwork, 10 Agility, 11 Natural Fitness. Not the most accomplished player technically but good enough that he'll be a starter in the new tactic I'm starting.



The 4-5-1 was fun, but it didn't generate much in the way of goals and it was a disaster for league play as we've seen. The Cup wins were great, but felt pretty fluky with how many relied on late heroics to pull them off.

Joe Asensi gets $7k for the rest of the year to play for Grantham Town, so it's a good thing we're switching to this tactic after all - It's been very difficult to find decent AML/AMR guys.

In the run-up to our next game, the press asks me about Joe Asensi as if he's still on the team.

16th vs FC Clacton (8th)
G: Matthew Malek
D: Calvin Powell/Lewis Clover/Egzon Asllani/Lewis Smith
MC: Dil Spittlehouse/Luke Muldowney
AM: George Jones/Pelayo Gomez-Pico/Ricky Clarke
ST: Spencer Talbot

Retain Possession and Play Through Defense are the accompanying shouts for this shiny new tactic.

Man, this is a thrilling tactic to watch. Defensively we've been brilliant all throughout the first half, and had a lot of shots on goal, but the keeper keeps deflecting them. George Jones is irritating me with his incessant bad shots, but give it time and 10 games. Bad day for Spencer Talbot so far, too (6.1).

50 - Lamell Howell gets his debut going in for Jones, and so does Ted Gusterston, on for the tiring Spittlehouse

68 - JFC. All the god damned shots we have and then they fucking sink a corner on their first fucking try because Gomez-Pico fails to challenge. 0-1

73 - Clover is a step too slow defending and should have given up another goal there.

Thetford Town will feel hard done by, but FC Clacton won't mind! Yeah, with as good as our defense was overall, and with as many shots as we were getting and hitting on target, there's no way we should have lost this game.

Good Trains
Kurt Twomey
Pelayo Gomez-Pico
Michael Husbands

Owen Kabodi becomes the umpteenth player of mine to sign with Walsham-le-Willows. People are fleeing Thetford Town left and right this season, it seems. Not that I blame them. I wouldn't want to play for me either at this point.

We lost $3.43k last month due to scouting costs, but the board is still satisfied.

16th @ Gorleston FC (14th)
G: Matthew Malek
D: Calvin Powell/Lewis Clover/Egzon Asllani/Lewis Smith
MC: Dil Spittlehouse/Luke Muldowney
AM: George Jones/Pelayo Gomez-Pico/Ricky Clarke
ST: Spencer Talbot

The pre-game presser talks quite a bit about how the team is fractured right now and divided, which is a new one for me, and kind of cool. I'm asked to blame someone for the split, but I refuse to list anyone.

30 - Clover is robbed by the post on an indirect free kick from Clarke

31 - Several shots they get on a corner, but we hold it off.

38 - Whole lot of passing going on with no one taking a shot until Talbot has a fizzless header. The fans applaud the flowing, beautiful movement, but to me it looked boring.

Not sure if I like the way this tactic looks - the 4-5-1 was more fun so far, but we'll keep giving it a try. Howell on for Clarke at the half.

68 - Perfect shot for Talbot and he misses it. Out he goes and on come comes Danny Nti.

We fight off a couple injury time corner kicks by Moses Jjunju to take home the single point. Once again we played well enough overall to win, but just couldn't break through.

vs Dereham Town - Eastern Counties Senior Cup Quarterfinal
G: Matthew Malek
D: Calvin Powell/Lewis Clover/Egzon Asllani/Tim Pitt
MC: Jason Wood/Ryan Horne
AM: George Jones/Pelayo Gomez-Pico/Ted Gusterston
ST: Danny Nti

One good thing about these Cup matches - It allows you to burn off another game when trying to adjust to a new formation. This is Game #3 of the new strategy.

33 - Nobody gave us a chance in this one, so whatever 0-1

47 - Jones heads the ball up to Gusterson, who draws two defenders. That leaves Nti wide open, and he takes the resulting pass and fires it in! 1-1

58 - Rebound rebound rebound in. 1-2

65 - ...Yeah. We've just given up now. I throw in the subs because I don't care. 1-3

80 - Gomez-Pico recovers his own cleared corner on the right wing and crosses it to Muldowney, who sinks it. Too little, too late. 2-3

Pin this on Jason Wood's 5.4 and Egzon Asllani's uninspired 6.5.

Transfer In - ST Dubi Ogbanna (23) - From Wisbech Town
9 Dribbling, 11 Finishing, 9 First Touch. 8 Composure, 11 Off Ball, 9 Acceleration.... good skillset for someone to become our new Poacher up front, since Spencer Talbot is a bust, and Ogbanna is an upgrade over fellow Nigerian Danny Nti (And yes, that's our third Nigerian striker we've had on this team).

Transfer In - AMC Dan Murwill (19) - From Diss Town
Yep, another former Thetford Town back in the fold. We need bodies who can play the AMC if we're going to stick with this new setup.

Transfer In - MC/AMC Will Summerfield (20) - From Haverhill Rovers
10 Passing, 10 Technique, 12 Flair, 11 Offball, 10 Workrate, 12 Acceleration, 10 Agility, 14 Natural Fitness, 12 Pace... I don't know if he ends up an AMC or a MC, but I love the look of this kid nonetheless. Unfortunately, he's ineligible the rest of the year due to league rules saying he can only play for 2 teams in a season. Grr.

(17th) @Dereham Town (5th)
G: Matthew Malek
D: Calvin Powell/Lewis Clover/Egzon Asllani/Lewis Smith
MC: Dil Spittlehouse/Luke Muldowney
AM: George Jones/Ricky Clarke/Dan Murwill
ST: Dubi Ogbanna

1 - Smith intercepts a throw-in and puts it to Clarke in the box, and Ricky's shot bounces off the keeper and goes in! 1-0

4 - Terrible defending on that free kick. Nobody paid attention at all 1-1

8 - Again, everyone slept on a fucking free kick 1-2

45 This formation is fucking stupid. The guy who said it was a supertactic after 10 games sounded like a fucking retard anyway 1-3

I throw in all my subs and prepare to go back to basics.

55 - They get a penalty and Malek stops it, but the rebound falls to the kicker and he puts it in anyway. Fuck this. I'm going to go make myself a god damned sandwich because no woman ever will. This team is fucking more terrible than my love life 1-4

We lose 1-5 as I discover upon returning with the first of my two sandwiches. Mmm, colby jack and Miracle Whip on whole wheat bread.

The fans lambast me, the team, and Lewis Smith. They want Tim Pitt back, I guess.

Okay, so let's strip this back down to the basic flat 4-4-2.



A mix of suggestions from elsewhere and my own devising, based on experience with this team (Team strategies are all my own, but the roles, except for BWM, are from elsewhere).

Zachary Richards goes off to Brantham Athletic and just when I'm about to give him another chance, Anthony Williams spirits off to Dereham Town, after they kicked our asses so much the last two games.

@Cambridge Regional College (Chell Trophy Quarterfinal - 1st Leg
G: Matthew Malek
D: Calvin Powell/Lewis Clover/Egzon Asllani/Tim Pitt
M: Rheo Josephs/Pelayo Gomez-Pico/Luke Muldowney/Carl McEachran
ST: Spencer Talbot/Dubi Ogbanna

This tactic is going to rely on crossing from the wingers, and McEachran is our second best crosser, so he'll get his own shot at redemption here.

28 - Powell takes the throw-in and exchanges a series of passes with Gomez-Pico before he kicks it to Josephs, and our top crosser on the team sends a beautiful far post rainbow that sees Ogbanna rise and beat the keeper to knock it in! 1-0

Our finishing is apparently awful as always, but this is the best the team has looked in ages. Retain Possession at the break, to see if that's an instruction that I should still be giving.

[b]56[/bl] - Josephs pops it up to Talbot on the right wing, who gives it to Ogbanna. The shot's deflected, but somehow Josephs is already on the left hand side and sends in the rebound! 2-0

77 - Nti in for Ogbanna and Jones on for McEachran

86 - Muldowney's knocked out, so it's Woods in.

Wow, wow, wow. The best game we've played in ages, and it's a huge 2-0 road win in the first leg of the Chell Trophy semi-final, which no one gave us any hope of getting. Rheo Josephs and Dubi Ogbanna both have 8.2s, but it's rightfully Josephs who gets PotM.

Dan Murwill is cut following the game. Sorry dude, but I have no use for AMCs anymore, and probably never will.

17th vs Haverhill Rovers (12th)
G: Matthew Malek
D: Abu Rayhan/Lewis Clover/Egzon Asllani/Lewis Smith
M: George Coy (Reserves Callup)/Ryan Horne/Jason Wood/George Jones
ST: Dubi Ogbanna/Danny Nti

It's an all-Nigerian striker force up front this game, which is pretty darn cool. Would be even cooler if we could get our second league win of the year here. Oh, and for some reason, Egzon Asllani got trashed by the media at the pre-game presser. I defended him because while he hasn't played great, he's been solid.

8 - Great interception by Wood after Nti's blocked shot and he gives it right back to Danny, who, rather than try again, beats the defender and lays it left to Ogbanna, and the Nigerian tag-team sings a sweet score. 1-0

11 - Nti intercepts a bad goal kick and passes forward to Ogbanna. BAM! 2 FOR 2, BABY! 2-0

33 - FM13 sure prioritizes the fucking long range free kick goals 2-1

Dan Gittings is going to get his debut, because Jones just keeps on struggling after his early hot start, and will probably get benched a couple games.

68 - Really bad knock for Horne, so Spittlehouse comes in for him, and the hero of the game, Ogbanna, is exhausted, so Gomez-Pico ends his day off here.

79 - Magnificent heading interception by Spittlehouse just outside the half-circle, and it's a drop in for Nti to strike and score on the half-volley! We've got this one now. 3-1

92 - Sloppy defending 3-2

7.6 for Lewis Clover, 8.0 for Danny Nti, and 8.8 for PotM Dubi Ogbanna. Everybody thinks it's insane that we won, and the papers call us "lucky to win". And yet, despite the 3 points, we're *still* in last place exactly halfway through the league season.

[Izulde]

17th @Woodbridge Town (1st)
G: Matthew Malek
D: Calvin Powell/Lewis Clover/Abu Rayhan/Tim Pitt
M: George Jones/Pelayo Gomez-Pico/Luke Muldowney/Carl McEachran
ST: Spencer Talbot/Dubi Ogbanna

So let's see... Woodbridge Town has 11 wins, 4 ties, and just 1 loss on the season, so it's pretty obvious why we're the biggest underdogs ever in the history of this league.

45 - [b]Jones[/b with a boomer on the wing to Talbot who crosses to [b]Ogbanna[/b and I'm half out of my seat when the fucking defender clears it off the line.

So yeah... I'm okay with this first half result.

52 - Wow. Awkward kick by them means they miss the most open goal ever.

60 - That's it. I'm sick of George Jones as he blows yet another open shot. Coy goes in for him, and it's just now that I notice Talbot's been playing MC and Pico-Gomez ST. Oops. Not sure how that happened. Nti also goes in for Talbot and switches places with Ogbanna up front.

62 - Nti catches on to Malek's goal kick and it's a great ball to Ogbanna, but the resulting shot is crossbar-robbed.

76 - Why yes, let's fucking give them a god damned 25 yard strike, because we absolutely deserved to GET FUCKED OVER AGAIN BY A FUCKING FLUKE GOAL 0-1

80 - And once again, we stop fucking caring 0-2

We did not deserve that shit. I want to fucking punch Aaron Malton's smug, laughing face. Fucking traitorous dick.

[b]Transfer In - DL Nas Foreman (18)
Grimbsy Town prospect who never panned out. Solid all around 11s and 12s in most Physical Attributes and 8 and 9 in Tackling and Marking respectively. We've been doing fine with Calvin Powell, but I think Foreman's an upgrade.

Good Trains
Pelayo Gomez-Pico
Spencer Talbot
Gary Dowridge

Bad Train
Michael Husbands

$990 out the door last month, but despite our league standing, the board is still satisfied. Even though we were picked to finish 11th.

17th vs Norwich United (7th)
G: Matthew Malek
D: Calvin Powell/Lewis Clover/Egzon Asllani/Tim Pitt
M: Rheo Josephs/Dil Spittlehouse/Luke Muldowney/Carl McEachran
ST: Dubi Ogbanna/Michael Husbands

I sort of promised Michael Husbands some first team playing time since he complained so he'll get it here.

7 - So not only does Spittlehouse get a yellow that's an automatic suspension for next game I think, he's got forced off with injury here. Oi. Gomez-Pico takes his spot.

18 - McEachran's knocked but he'll have to fight through it.

42 - Goal for them is disallowed. Offsides.

Josephs moves to MR and Coy comes on. McEachran was having a shit day, anyway.

57 - Ogbanna is facing heavy pressure from the defense, so he lays it back to Gomez-Pico. Pass to Muldowney and a cross to Coy who shoots through the seam just inside the box to grab a goal. 1-0

75 - Fucking Powell! Asllani makes a phenomenal stop of a counter and passes it to you, and your fucking lazy ass backpass gets easily intercepted! Husbands' old tired ass comes off for Nti, and give us that Nigerian magic, folks! 1-1

...Wait. I intended to start my new DL today, didn't I? Son of a fucking whore. Dil Spittlehouse is out 5-6 weeks.

Michael Husbands complains to my assman about being subbed, and at this point, I'm so disgusted, I just cut him outright. Eddie Piper goes to Ampthill Town

vs Cambridge Regional College (Chell Trophy Quarterfinal Leg 2)
G: Matthew Malek
D: Nas Foreman/Lewis Clover/Egzon Asllani/Tim Pitt
M: George Coy/Pelayo Gomez-Pico/Luke Muldowney/Dan Gittings
ST: Spencer Talbot/Dubi Ogbanna

Let's see if we can pull off the upset and go on further.

9 - Muldowney wasn't looking for Foreman's pass, so they intercepted and scored. 0-1

34 - Gomez-Pico to Gittings to Talbot, and the 20 yard half-circle strike goes in, *finally* giving him his first Thetford Town goal! 1-1

61 - Nti for Ogbanna, Jones for Gittings, Horne for Gomez-Pico

65 - And of course Asllani fucks up on an interception to allow a goal. 1-2

85 - This is why I love Nti. No matter how many people say he's not good enough, he does stuff like dribble all the way through the defense and score the saving grace goal. And yet, there's people saying he was offsides. Fuck off, whiners. 2-2

We're through to the Chell Trophy Semifinal!!! It's been the one bright lining in this awful, awful year.

17th vs Felixstowe & Walton United (15th)
G: Matthew Malek
D: Calvin Powell/Abu Rayhan/Egzon Asllani/Tim Pitt
M: Rheo Josephs/Pelayo Gomez-Pico/Ryan Horne/Carl McEachran
ST: Dubi Ogbanna/Danny Nti

If we can't beat these guys, we might as well accept that we're going to finish last in the league this year, and hope to hell I don't get fired.

Jones for Josephs and Anthony Adams for Nti, though the last one may be a mistake. Not sure.

63 - What a way for Horne to get his first goal for the club. Bad kick by the keeper when he comes out on the wing, and that lets Horne nail the 50 yarder for the go ahead score 1-0

74 - They really should have scored there. Wood in for Pico-Gomez

86 - WHAT THE FUCK?! HE WAS OFFSIDES!!!! 1-1

So yes that's ANOTHER FUCKING SCREWJOB BY ANOTHER FUCKING LATE GOAL! I don't much give a shit that we move up to 16th because of the tie. We're still the only team in the league to only have 2 wins and if it wasn't for the Chell Trophy to play for, I would probably quit the game and this dynasty right about now.

I can't do anything right and this team just keeps getting worse and worse and worse.

[Izulde]

16th @Hadleigh United (8th)
G: Matthew Malek
D: Nas Foreman/Lewis Clover/Egzon Asllani/Tim Pitt
M: Rheo Josephs/Pelayo Gomez-Pico/Luke Muldowney/Carl McEachran
ST: Spencer Talbot/Dubi Ogbanna

31 - Can't believe they missed that one.

32 - Fucking corner kicks 0-1

Nti in for Ogbanna and Jones for Josephs at the break. We're playing like absolute shit and it's pissing me off.

Team really stepped up in the second half, but we just could not find a way to convert. We also drop to last place again, I believe.

Spencer Talbot picks up a sports hernia and is out 2 months. Blargh.

16th @Diss Town (8th)
G: Matthew Malek
D: Nas Foreman/Lewis Clover/Egzon Asllani/Tim Pitt
M: Rheo Josephs/Pelayo Gomez-Pico/Luke Muldowney/Carl McEachran
ST: Dubi Ogbonna/Danny Nti

11 - Ogbanna with the corner to the near post, and nobody stops big Clover from stepping forward and just kicking it in 1-0

20 - Nice to see the opposition get cross-bar robbed for once.

33 - Not sure how that was offsides, but we'll take it!

42 - Josephs picks up a great interception and plays it beautifully for Ogbanna, but the striker just chuffs it off with an all-wrong shot.

70 - Beautiful hustle by Muldowney to get a shot off in some crazy sequence that I forgot to write notes about... but the post denies him.

72 - Jones for McEachran, Horne for Muldowney

82 - I just realized I've been spelling Ogbonna's name wrong for the last umpteen updates. Here, he's the last in a line of Horne taking Malek's goal kick and passing to Nti and then a beautiful ball which the O Nigerian oh so awesomely pop shots into the net! 2-0

It's actually Lewis Clover and his 9.0 that is PotM, not Dubi Ogbonna's 8.6. Hat tip to Danny Nti's 7.8 as well, as we finally get our third league win of the year and restore our flagging morale.

We inch up to 15th and with 11 games left we have 18 points and a terrible goal differential. It's going to take a couple wins to get up to even 14th, but maybe, just maybe, we can find some spark to finish strong.

Remember how I said Lewis Clover is the new Jake Wells? Well, he's been PotM in a lot of our draws, and he now has 7 Player of the Match awards in a season, breaking Wells' old record of 6.

Good Trains
James Hambridge

Bad Trains
Rheo Josephs
Lewis Smith
Gary Dowridge

$1.25k lost last month. Board is satisfied.

Transfer In - DC Jake Wells (19) - From Leverstock Green
So after his 11 appearances with Biggleswade Town, in which he posted a 6.55 average rating, Jake was forced to sign an amateur contract with Leverstock when Biggleswade opted not to renew him for the next level (made perfect sense). With his new team, he's appeared in just 4 games, averaging 6.3, and has been supremely unhappy. Now he gets reunited with the team and manager that always loved him.

Transfer In - ML/MR Ollie Hann (19)
A kid who's never gotten a shot despite 18 Bravery, 15 Determination, 11 Pace, 10 Agility, and 8 Crossing. Not saying he'll start, but he'll get his chance to show what he can do.

15th vs Soham Town Rangers (4th)
G: Matthew Malek
D: Nas Foreman/Lewis Clover/Jake Wells/Egzon Asllani
M: George Coy/Pelayo Gomez-Pico/Ryan Horne/Rheo Josephs
ST: Dubi Ogbonna/Danny Nti

You want to know the best part about this new lineup? We have a 6'5 and a 6'8 DC in the middle. That's going to create some real hell for opponents at this level, let me tell you.

8 - Ogbonna hits the corner into traffic, and Josephs is the one to beat everyone out for the chip shot 1-0

13 - O.M.G. Ogbonna with the corner again, and this time it's Clover's header on the near post that goes in!!! 2-0

38 - The whole defensive line gets caught napping on a surge forward, but that was Foreman's to pick up, and he failed. 2-1

58 - Amazing game by Josephs, but he's tiring, so Hann will get his first crack. Wells is doing well but he's also winded, so Asllani moves to DC and Powell takes over at DR.

73 - Muldowney on for Horne

77 - Absolutely amazing long wingball from Gomez-Pico to Hann, and Ollie sits there for a second until he centers a boomer. Nti beats out the keeper in the heading game and deposits the insurance account! 3-1

78 - Fucking immediate answers 3-2

7.9 for Lewis Clover and 8.2 for PoTM Dubi Ogbonna in our first league win streak of the year! Nas Foreman nearly cost us this game with his mental lapses on both goals, so it's likely he'll be sitting next one out.

Unfortunately the win wasn't good for anything but holding our position, as the teams sandwiching us both won. We did, however, get a much needed buffer on last place.

Still, I'll definitely take that win, even if the press says we were lucky to win. Lucky my ass. We owned that game.

[Brian Swartz]

Hey at least you broke the monotony of constantly finishing well up the table but not good enough to challenge for promotion.

*Ducks*

[Izulde]

Originally Posted by Brian Swartz

Hey at least you broke the monotony of constantly finishing well up the table but not good enough to challenge for promotion.

*Ducks*

That's true, and it's also allowed me the freedom to try out different things. Now if we can just finish up high enough that the board doesn't fire me...

[Izulde]

Craig Archer is given his release. Lewis Clover is blossoming into a real star and keeps making huge improvements in training. Jack North and Scott Ramsey are also let go. Hard to keep all these complainers happy, so I'm just letting them walk.

3 week break before our next game. Probably should've scheduled a friendly, but oh well.

15th @Needham Market (2nd)
G: Matthew Malek
D: Calvin Powell/Lewis Clover/Jake Wells/Egzon Asllani
M: Rheo Josephs/Pelayo Gomez-Pico/Ryan Horne/Ollie Hann
ST: Dubi Ogbonna/Danny Nti

Morale is still not great despite our two wins, with a couple players still with poor or very poor morale. It's getting better, though.

4 - I"m shocked that went in 0-1

I tell the team to get the lead out of their asses because they're playing awful, and Ogbonna and Nti get all moody, so Petrucci takes over one striker spot, Gomez-Pico the other, with Muldowney coming in at MC.

62 - Nasty knock for Hann, but he'll fight it off.

64 - Clover completely misjudges a ball and they should have scored there.

68 - Wells misses a tackle and they cross and score. Coy comes in at ML with Josephs moving to MR. 0-2

88 - I give up 0-3

So not only do we lose Ollie Hann for 3-4 weeks, but Rheo Josephs skips off to Gorleston FC right before our next, hugely important match.

Good Trains
Lewis Smith
Gary Dowbridge
Steven Austin

Bad Train
Nigel Swaine

$1.79k loss. Board still satisified

@Wisbech Town (Chell Trophy Semi-final 1st Leg)
G: Matthew Malek
D: Calvin Powell/Lewis Clover/Jake Wells/Egzon Asllani
M: George Jones/Dil Spittlehouse/Jason Wood/Carl McEachran
ST: Ricky Clarke/Dubi Ogbonna

Unorthodox lineup? Yes. But it's about getting the players who are good at important matches in there and weeding out the weak ones.

Fairly boring first half. Muldowney on for Spittlehouse at the break.

68 - Poor header by Asllani and complete failure by Clover to challenge on a cross means fuck this bullshit 0-1

87 - Dick ass fluke goal 0-2

On top of it, Calvin Powell is knocked out for 2 months.

Fuck it. I quit.

[bbgunn]

Out with a ball of fury.

[Izulde]

Eh I'll probably revisit this at some point. Just damned frustrating right now this season is all. NOTHING works.