OT - Wife/GF quotes - Page 2

Shkspr · 08-28-2002, 01:39 AM

An excerpt from the breakup with my old HS sweetheart:

He: "Okay, I won't get mad, I promise. Just tell me, how many times did you cheat on me with him?"

She: (thinks for a bit) "Ummm...six."

He: (spit-take) "Six? You've slept with him six times in the past two weeks?"

She: (recognition dawns) "Oh! Nononono! We've only been out twice so far. I thought you wanted to know how many times we did it last NIGHT."

He: (blinks) (blinks again)

Fritz · 08-10-2004, 08:53 AM

Hey - an old old post from me

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fritz

On legalized prostitutes, and me not getting one:

"If some other woman touches your WING WONG it is so infidelity."

When a woman puts wing wong in an argument, its all over.

Hey, I had a wife back then!

[quote=Ctown]There are so many wonderful retorts to that one [/ctown]

I miss Ctown

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fritz

Sitting in a bar:

Ex: Fred, I am trying to break up with you.

Me: Quiet, I'm watching Hockey.

Seconf go around with same girl:

Ex: Fred, I am trying to break up with you.

Me: Not now, I need to get to Taco Bell before the lines get too long.

Still one of my favorite stories

Quote:

Originally Posted by Da Bears Fan

Will you respect me in the morning?

242 posts, what the heck? Is this goal regulation size or what?

who woulda thunk this guy would become a full service gas station attendant

Quote:

Originally Posted by critch

"You're nothing but an immature, emotionally stunted, alcoholic"

In hindsight, I would tend to agree with her.

Quote:

Originally Posted by wilzone

thought about it for a second and said: "I'd pick you, but only if the power was out."

It was a joke but lets just say I wasn't getting any lovin' for a while.

Wilzone the Calzone!

Quote:

Originally Posted by doubleA

Congratulations. I see you've come across a hoard of smart asses just like your dumb ass fraternity brothers in college.'

She has his nuts now. Hope you are doing well Aaron (and Tanner)

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fritz

My wife likes most of my "dumb ass fraternity brothers from college."

But not me so much, it seems.

Quote:

Originally Posted by craptacular

...

godspeed crappy

WSUCougar · 08-10-2004, 08:57 AM

You dredged up this thread for that?

Fritz · 08-10-2004, 08:59 AM

you can be replaced

NoMyths · 08-10-2004, 09:57 AM

Stick the infidel in da chippah.

*tips his fotie for his homies lost and gone*

Eaglesfan27 · 08-10-2004, 09:57 AM

I never saw this thread before.. some funny stuff in here

Senator · 08-10-2004, 10:18 AM

/pours out 40 ounce

Franklinnoble · 08-10-2004, 11:30 AM

Wow... we need a "where are they now" thread or something...

Glengoyne · 08-10-2004, 04:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Franklinnoble

Wow... we need a "where are they now" thread or something...

I haven't ever seen posts from some of those people before, but it seems like I should miss them.

Good Stuff.

CAsterling · 08-11-2004, 08:14 PM

Classic thread.
My small contribution.

Her : I think we should discuss getting married
Me : I'm only going to marry someone I love

Result, I'm single again !!!
Made a mental note never to say that again

tucker342 · 08-11-2004, 08:44 PM

Some really funny stuff in this thread

Leonidas · 08-11-2004, 08:55 PM

The old classic:

My last boyfried was SOOO BIIGG! I'm glad you're smaller.

JeffNights · 08-11-2004, 09:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ohmslaw

"Not until you wash it."

She was referring to riding in my car. I hope.

Hey that was my GF's quote to me too!!!

Sadly, it was not about riding in my car.

Bearcat729 · 08-11-2004, 09:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Leonidas

The old classic:

My last boyfried was SOOO BIIGG! I'm glad you're smaller.

Sam Kinnison used to have a response to this one.

duckman · 08-11-2004, 09:56 PM

A fight between me and an ex-girlfriend:

Her: You little dick son of a bitch!
Me: Ever thought you have a big pussy?

Her: I DO NOT have a big pussy!
Me: Yeah, you do.

Her: No, I DON'T!
Me: Bitch, fucking you is like throwing a pencil down a hallway. You got a monstorous snatch!

She spitted in my face and ran out the front door. I guess I said something wrong.

pennywisesb · 08-11-2004, 10:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by duckman

A fight between me and an ex-girlfriend:

Her: You little dick son of a bitch!
Me: Ever thought you have a big pussy?

Her: I DO NOT have a big pussy!
Me: Yeah, you do.

Her: No, I DON'T!
Me: Bitch, fucking you is like throwing a pencil down a hallway. You got a monstorous snatch!

She spitted in my face and ran out the front door. I guess I said something wrong.

Wow

I don't know what else to say.

duckman · 08-11-2004, 10:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by pennywisesb

Wow

I don't know what else to say.

My friends get a good laugh everytime I tell that story.

Noop · 08-11-2004, 11:59 PM

So you have a little dick and your bone'n a big pussy female?

Her : I am glad you came mister pool boy I am so hot.
Him: You sure are... Can I fuck
Her : Ok
* They Do It*
Her: Your dad blessed you.
Him: I know

Fritz · 08-12-2004, 05:40 AM

My college roomie likes to do this when he and whomever he is dating get in a public fight:

her: yakyakyakyakyakyakyakyakyakyakyakyakyakyakyakyakyakyakyak
him: how you can you argue with me when my dick has been in your mouth?

Ah, the look from her is usually priceless.

of course, we're older now and not near;y so juvinile....

MacroGuru · 08-12-2004, 07:48 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fritz

My college roomie likes to do this when he and whomever he is dating get in a public fight:

her: yakyakyakyakyakyakyakyakyakyakyakyakyakyakyakyakyakyakyak
him: how you can you argue with me when my dick has been in your mouth?

Ah, the look from her is usually priceless.

of course, we're older now and not near;y so juvinile....

Priceless

tategter · 08-12-2004, 11:16 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fritz

My college roomie likes to do this when he and whomever he is dating get in a public fight:

her: yakyakyakyakyakyakyakyakyakyakyakyakyakyakyakyakyakyakyak
him: how you can you argue with me when my dick has been in your mouth?

Ah, the look from her is usually priceless.

of course, we're older now and not near;y so juvinile....

Has your roomie ever developed a case of compressed nuts over that statement?

Travis · 08-12-2004, 11:36 AM

Heh, the girl to be scared of is the one that just stops talking, then within hours wants to get it on again. Oh, you know the revenge would be coming as soon as the aforementioned position is achieved.

Something tells me that would end the arguement fairly permanently.

bbor · 08-12-2004, 11:45 AM

My wife always says..."i could kill you and make it look like an accident"

uhhhh.....

MacroGuru · 08-12-2004, 11:47 AM

Another favorite in lines of killing, when it's PMS time.

"You know, I could kill you, and get off on grounds of temporary insanity, it has been tried and proven several times."

The part that scares me is 1)Is it true? and 2)Why is she researching this.

tategter · 08-12-2004, 12:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Travis

Heh, the girl to be scared of is the one that just stops talking, then within hours wants to get it on again. Oh, you know the revenge would be coming as soon as the aforementioned position is achieved.

Something tells me that would end the arguement fairly permanently.

This is why I was always a bit paranoid when my old psycho girlfriend offered a blowjob as part of makeup sex. My value would go down at least $4 mill.

08-10-2004, 08:57 AM	#53
WSUCougar Rider Of Rohan Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: Port Angeles, WA or Helm's Deep	You dredged up this thread for that? __________________ It's not the years...it's the mileage.

08-10-2004, 08:59 AM	#54
Fritz Lethargic Hooligan Join Date: Oct 2000 Location: hello kitty found my wallet at a big tent revival and returned it with all the cash missing	you can be replaced __________________ donkey, donkey, walk a little faster

08-10-2004, 09:57 AM	#56
Eaglesfan27 Hall Of Famer Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: New Jersey	I never saw this thread before.. some funny stuff in here __________________ Retired GM of the eNFL 2007 Super Bowl Champion Philadelphia Eagles (19-0 record.) GM of the WOOF 2006 Doggie Bowl Champion Atlantic City Gamblers. GM of the IHOF 2019 and 2022 IHOF Bowl Champion Asheville Axemen.

08-10-2004, 10:18 AM	#57
Senator FOFC's Elected Representative Join Date: Oct 2000 Location: The stars at night; are big and bright	/pours out 40 ounce __________________ "i have seen chris simms play 4-5 times in the pros and he's very clearly got it. he won't make a pro bowl this year, but it'll come. if you don't like me saying that, so be it, but its true. we'll just have to wait until then" imettrentgreen "looking at only ten games, and oddly using a median only, leaves me unmoved generally" - Quiksand

08-11-2004, 08:14 PM	#60
CAsterling High School JV Join Date: Nov 2001 Location: Herndon, Va	Classic thread. My small contribution. Her : I think we should discuss getting married Me : I'm only going to marry someone I love Result, I'm single again !!! Made a mental note never to say that again __________________ The funniest comedy duo I have ever seen - www.magaga.com/

08-10-2004, 09:57 AM	#55
NoMyths Poet in Residence Join Date: Oct 2000 Location: Charleston, SC	Stick the infidel in da chippah. tips his fotie for his homies lost and gone

08-10-2004, 11:30 AM	#58
Franklinnoble Banned Join Date: Jul 2002 Location: Placerville, CA	Wow... we need a "where are they now" thread or something...

08-11-2004, 08:44 PM	#61
tucker342 Pro Starter Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: Iowa City, IA	Some really funny stuff in this thread

08-11-2004, 08:55 PM	#62
Leonidas College Benchwarmer Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: East Anglia	The old classic: My last boyfried was SOOO BIIGG! I'm glad you're smaller. __________________ Molon labe

08-11-2004, 11:59 PM	#68
Noop Bonafide Seminole Fan Join Date: Oct 2002 Location: Miami	So you have a little dick and your bone'n a big pussy female? Her : I am glad you came mister pool boy I am so hot. Him: You sure are... Can I fuck Her : Ok * They Do It* Her: Your dad blessed you. Him: I know __________________ Subby's favorite woman hater.

08-12-2004, 05:40 AM	#69
Fritz Lethargic Hooligan Join Date: Oct 2000 Location: hello kitty found my wallet at a big tent revival and returned it with all the cash missing	My college roomie likes to do this when he and whomever he is dating get in a public fight: her: yakyakyakyakyakyakyakyakyakyakyakyakyakyakyakyakyakyakyak him: how you can you argue with me when my dick has been in your mouth? Ah, the look from her is usually priceless. of course, we're older now and not near;y so juvinile.... __________________ donkey, donkey, walk a little faster Last edited by Fritz : 08-12-2004 at 05:40 AM.

08-12-2004, 11:36 AM	#72
Travis Pro Rookie Join Date: Aug 2001 Location: Canada eh	Heh, the girl to be scared of is the one that just stops talking, then within hours wants to get it on again. Oh, you know the revenge would be coming as soon as the aforementioned position is achieved. Something tells me that would end the arguement fairly permanently.

08-12-2004, 11:45 AM	#73
bbor Pro Starter Join Date: May 2001 Location: toronto	My wife always says..."i could kill you and make it look like an accident" uhhhh..... __________________ Pumpy Tudors Now that I've cracked and made that admission, I wonder if I'm only a couple of steps away from wanting to tongue-kiss Jaromir Jagr and give Bobby Clarke a blowjob.

08-12-2004, 11:47 AM	#74
MacroGuru Coordinator Join Date: May 2003 Location: Utah	Another favorite in lines of killing, when it's PMS time. "You know, I could kill you, and get off on grounds of temporary insanity, it has been tried and proven several times." The part that scares me is 1)Is it true? and 2)Why is she researching this. __________________ "forgetting what is in the past, I strive for the future"

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