Potentially epic thread (think fudged bank statement)

[Logan]

JimmyWint LAUGHS at the supposed greatness in this thread.

[JediKooter]

Sounds like you're saying this thread has jumped the shark.

[Rizon]

Originally Posted by JediKooter

Sounds like you're saying this thread has jumped the shark.

Nah, but it is ready to be turned into a Lifetime movie.

[stevew]

Depending on how he introduced himself, a skilled liar could easily reveal that he decided to go by Alex(instead of Andy) and prey on the fog of war since it's been awhile since HS.

That being said, his best bet is to call 1-888-45-Maury

[JediKooter]

Originally Posted by Rizon

Nah, but it is ready to be turned into a Lifetime movie.

Tonight at 9! "My Mind Was in Love With Another Woman"

[Toddzilla]

I like the fake Alex's death route. That way maybe he can get the girl to come to the funeral - which he'd have to fake as well - and he could see her irl.

[JediKooter]

Originally Posted by Toddzilla

I like the fake Alex's death route. That way maybe he can get the girl to come to the funeral - which he'd have to fake as well - and he could see her irl.

This would be awesome if the woman's name was Fawn Liebowitz.

[Pumpy Tudors]

Originally Posted by Ksyrup

I don't know. I saw it on another board yesterday, and the Longhorns clock caught my eye. Seemed like the appropriate time/place to post it here.

In that picture, it was the clock that caught your eye?

[Ksyrup]

Yes. I've seen enough Yankees playoff games that bearded titted she-men are not all that uncommon.

[Pumpy Tudors]

brutal

[JediKooter]

Originally Posted by Ksyrup

Yes. I've seen enough Yankees playoff games that bearded titted she-men are not all that uncommon.

And that is why you don't go swimming in the Hudson.

[Logan]

Originally Posted by JediKooter

And that is why you don't go swimming in the Hudson.

You're right, A-Rod was much better off with Cameron Diaz.

[JediKooter]

Originally Posted by Logan

You're right, A-Rod was much better off with Cameron Diaz.

YES!!

So glad I was not taking a drink of something when I read that.

[Toddzilla]

Originally Posted by JediKooter

This would be awesome if the woman's name was Fawn Liebowitz.

So. Much. WIN.

[EagleFan]

This thread has awsome potential, especially if albion's advice is followed (the entertaining for us advice).

[saldana]

sorry if this guy is a friend of yours Todd, but he is a special kind of piece of shit...if i could, i would light him on fire and then wouldnt even bother to piss on him to put it out.

people like him dont deserve to have a wife, or a family...what he is doing is 100 times worse than getting drunk at a bar and banging some complete stranger because he is consciously making a decision to put someone else above his wife

i would kill him where he stands without a second of hesitation

(and yes, that might be a bit extreme, but i have a rather unique perspective on this particular type of fucking asshattery)

[Matthean]

I would be curious to see how he answers to if he thinks either the woman, or his wife thinks it's ok for him to do this. If it's no on either account, he needs to stop. If he says yes, he's delusional about what's going on.

[Toddzilla]

cool, my brothers. Laying it all out tomorrow.

[Rizon]

I don't know why he didn't just use Ashley Madison.

[tarcone]

What did he do to his "crush" in HS that makes him think she wouldnt give him the time of day if he came as himself? I mean right off the bat he has to lie to be her friend. He must have done something horrific to that woman, esp. if she had to move to Europe.

[Desnudo]

Advanced planning is obviuosly not this guy's forte.

He's screwed anyway. HIs lying ass trail is out on the internet. Someone will figure it out eventually.

Really his only (honorable) way out is to fake his own death so his family gets the life insurance and then join the peace corps as "Alex" giving him an out with the facebook girl.

[Mustang]

Could Morgan Freeman narrate this thread?

I wish I could tell you that Andy fought the good fight, and that his crush let him be. I wish I could tell you that - but the internet is no fairy-tale world. He never said who did it, but we all knew. Things went on like that for awhile - the internet life consists of routine, and then more routine. Every so often, Andy would show up with fresh emails....

[Young Drachma]

Wow, this thread should be up for a Golden Scribe in the best ensemble category.

[Swaggs]

He should watch the movie Catfish.

[Suicane75]

Originally Posted by tarcone

What did he do to his "crush" in HS that makes him think she wouldnt give him the time of day if he came as himself? I mean right off the bat he has to lie to be her friend. He must have done something horrific to that woman, esp. if she had to move to Europe.

He probably pretended to be sick during gym class and then snuck into the girls locker room and stole her panties. Likely wasn't even going after her panties but just had to settle for the ones in lockers that hadn't been locked. Then he was likely so worried that he'd get caught with them that he put them in a ziploc bag and then in an empty trapper keeper that he bought exactly for this occasion and then taped it under the sink in the boys bathroom and waited till detention was just about done to retrieve it and stuffed it in his backpack and sweated his way to the late bus and didn't truly feel relief till he was off the bus and walking into his house. He probably worshiped those panties too. Most likely sniffed the hell out of them while he watched a tape he had made of Paula Abdul on Friday Night Videos that had the Cold Hearted video on a loop that ran 2 hours straight.

If I had to guess.

[Shkspr]

I think that clearly what needs to happen is that Andy needs to take every personal scrap of information "Alex" has talked to this girl about and work them into a series of backdated blog posts over the last five years or so under Andy's name along with lots of other information about Andy's life. There should also be a single blog post about the girl, dated from several years ago, where Andy briefly takes about how cool the girl was and he sometimes wishes they had been friends.

Then, as Officer Alan, he needs to e-mail the girl asking if she has had any contact with someone identifying himself as "Alex". Officer Alan should explain that he is working on a bizarre identity theft case where the perp does deep research on a target by reading his old blog postings and using other sophisticated social engineering techniques, and then becomes this personality on the web. The perp in this case? The guy in the random facebook picture. Officer Alan should explain that is is very important to cut off all contact with "Alex" because the loop is tightening, but he should casually mention the blog that "Alex" was stealing all his personality traits from, and note in a hyperlink that "Alex" probably got the idea to target her from Andy's blog. Officer Alan should note that Andy seems like a pretty solid guy and that as victims of the same random Internet creep, they should chat and compare notes.

All Andy has to do for the next fifty years is alter his conversational and writing style so as to be unrecognizable as "Alex".

[RomaGoth]

Originally Posted by Rizon

I don't know why he didn't just use Ashley Madison.

How do we know he didn't?

[dave731]

Originally Posted by Shkspr

I think that clearly what needs to happen is that Andy needs to take every personal scrap of information "Alex" has talked to this girl about and work them into a series of backdated blog posts over the last five years or so under Andy's name along with lots of other information about Andy's life. There should also be a single blog post about the girl, dated from several years ago, where Andy briefly takes about how cool the girl was and he sometimes wishes they had been friends.

Then, as Officer Alan, he needs to e-mail the girl asking if she has had any contact with someone identifying himself as "Alex". Officer Alan should explain that he is working on a bizarre identity theft case where the perp does deep research on a target by reading his old blog postings and using other sophisticated social engineering techniques, and then becomes this personality on the web. The perp in this case? The guy in the random facebook picture. Officer Alan should explain that is is very important to cut off all contact with "Alex" because the loop is tightening, but he should casually mention the blog that "Alex" was stealing all his personality traits from, and note in a hyperlink that "Alex" probably got the idea to target her from Andy's blog. Officer Alan should note that Andy seems like a pretty solid guy and that as victims of the same random Internet creep, they should chat and compare notes.

All Andy has to do for the next fifty years is alter his conversational and writing style so as to be unrecognizable as "Alex".

This has my vote!

[Rizon]

Originally Posted by RomaGoth

How do we know he didn't?

We should probably get fake accounts and find out!

[CU Tiger]

He just wants to get some pics to see what he never saw.
If he hadn't went the someone else's pics route he could have simply said he started going by Alex years ago since Andy was so immature and reminded him of his childish ways.

Or he should just ask for sex, if she says no, ask for BJ, if she says no, ask for teh butt seks, if she still says no this chick is not for him.

[Radii]

Originally Posted by CU Tiger

Or he should just ask for sex, if she says no, ask for BJ, if she says no, ask for teh butt seks, if she still says no this chick is not for him.

Wait how many women are out there who say no to the first two but then when you go for anal you're in??

[MacroGuru]

Originally Posted by Radii

Wait how many women are out there who say no to the first two but then when you go for anal you're in??

It's not cheating if it's in da butt.....

[Suburban Rhythm]

Originally Posted by saldana

sorry if this guy is a friend of yours Todd, but he is a special kind of piece of shit...if i could, i would light him on fire and then wouldnt even bother to piss on him to put it out.

people like him dont deserve to have a wife, or a family...what he is doing is 100 times worse than getting drunk at a bar and banging some complete stranger because he is consciously making a decision to put someone else above his wife

i would kill him where he stands without a second of hesitation

(and yes, that might be a bit extreme, but i have a rather unique perspective on this particular type of fucking asshattery)

Anyone else read this and think "What did Lathum do!?!"

[JimmyWint]

He actually has a slight window of opportunity this weekend. All he needs to do is costume up for Halloween and skype. Perhaps wear an Iron Man costume or something that will cover his face. Then after the encounter he can respectfully say that she is just not his type and never talk to her again. After that he can seek professional help!

[MrBug708]

Hi Jimmy Wint

[SteveMax58]

[kingfc22]

How can FOFC give proper advice without pics of this girl.

I demand a Hot or Not for the long lost high school crush.

[Passacaglia]

Originally Posted by JimmyWint

He actually has a slight window of opportunity this weekend. All he needs to do is costume up for Halloween and skype. Perhaps wear an Iron Man costume or something that will cover his face. Then after the encounter he can respectfully say that she is just not his type and never talk to her again. After that he can seek professional help!

Okay, NOW it's epic.

[Lathum]

Originally Posted by Passacaglia

Okay, NOW it's epic.

holy crap!

[PilotMan]

Alex is the name of Andy's dick. So the solution is just to Skype with a big picture of Andy Dick on the camera. She'll laugh at how clever he is, and then invite him over for teh butt seks.

[Logan]

JimmyCame and JimmyWint and JimmyCame!

[Suburban Rhythm]

This photo best illustrates my state of mind after JimmyWint posting in this thread. I can't really put it into words.

[RomaGoth]

Originally Posted by JimmyWint

He actually has a slight window of opportunity this weekend. All he needs to do is costume up for Halloween and skype. Perhaps wear an Iron Man costume or something that will cover his face. Then after the encounter he can respectfully say that she is just not his type and never talk to her again. After that he can seek professional help!

awesome

[Rizon]

JimmyWint for President of teh Internets!

[JediKooter]

I love the smell of a good thread in the morning...

[MacroGuru]

Jimmy just napalmed this bitch....

[JediKooter]

Andy don't surf...

[sterlingice]

Originally Posted by JimmyWint

He actually has a slight window of opportunity this weekend. All he needs to do is costume up for Halloween and skype. Perhaps wear an Iron Man costume or something that will cover his face. Then after the encounter he can respectfully say that she is just not his type and never talk to her again. After that he can seek professional help!

SI

[sterlingice]

Posts in this thread that have not gotten enough love:

Originally Posted by cartman

He needs to create a 3rd persona that posts on Facebook that he can't believe that 'Alex' died in an accident. The then posts as himself, and messages the girl that he noticed her on "Alex's" friend list and was wondering if it was the same girl he knew in high school.

Originally Posted by Fidatelo

Could he convince this girl that he traded faces with Andy, a la Face/Off? So even though he looks like Andy, he really is Alex, and even better he's a fucking FBI special agent! At this point he could stick straight to the plot or just make up whatever history he wants behind the Alex/Andy face switch, depending on which one he thinks will make her do nastier things over Skype.

Originally Posted by JPhillips

Alex needs to become a hardcore Moonie. Have him swear of his family, move to Korea and marry a stranger in a mass wedding. Andy, in his charitable spare time, works with families and friends of people brainwashed into cults. Andy went through the internet history of Alex and found this girl's messages. Andy gets in touch with her to tell her about Alex and the Moonies. Only after seeing her does Andy remember this girl from highschool. Andy can now talk to her as long as he wishes while being able to terminate the relationship due to a serious cult intervention mission.

Originally Posted by Shkspr

I think that clearly what needs to happen is that Andy needs to take every personal scrap of information "Alex" has talked to this girl about and work them into a series of backdated blog posts over the last five years or so under Andy's name along with lots of other information about Andy's life. There should also be a single blog post about the girl, dated from several years ago, where Andy briefly takes about how cool the girl was and he sometimes wishes they had been friends.

Then, as Officer Alan, he needs to e-mail the girl asking if she has had any contact with someone identifying himself as "Alex". Officer Alan should explain that he is working on a bizarre identity theft case where the perp does deep research on a target by reading his old blog postings and using other sophisticated social engineering techniques, and then becomes this personality on the web. The perp in this case? The guy in the random facebook picture. Officer Alan should explain that is is very important to cut off all contact with "Alex" because the loop is tightening, but he should casually mention the blog that "Alex" was stealing all his personality traits from, and note in a hyperlink that "Alex" probably got the idea to target her from Andy's blog. Officer Alan should note that Andy seems like a pretty solid guy and that as victims of the same random Internet creep, they should chat and compare notes.

All Andy has to do for the next fifty years is alter his conversational and writing style so as to be unrecognizable as "Alex".

I mean, all I can say after that is:

PRIESTBOT "We are gathered here to mourn the death of Calculon; Industrialist, private eye, friend."
CALCULON "Mind if I give the eulogy?"
MONIQUE {gasps} "Calculon! You're alive!"

SI

[EagleFan]

I seriously shouldn't have been reading this thread at my desk. Got some strange looks from a spontaneous uncontained laugh.