The married sex thread

[korme]

Originally Posted by sabotai

Then you keep wacking, and when you're ready, get up and jiz in her hair. If she gets pissed, she doesn't love you.

i spit the proverbial coke from my nose right there, solid

[Noop]

Jizz? Man no one uses that term other then porn sites or so I have heard. I perfer the terms empty a clip or bust a nutt...

[VPI97]

I prefer the term 'collecting a DNA sample' myself...

[Warhammer]

One thing you can try is humping her leg in bed at night.

[korme]

i shot a load at the president yesterday

[Maple Leafs]

Here is the honest truth:

- Before you get married, it will happen as often as you both want it to. If necessary, you will meet somewhere in the middle (pun intended).

- After you get married, it will happen as often as she wants it to. If that matches what you want, you're in luck. If not, you wind up like our friend haji1here.

P.S. Shorty is on fire in this thread. Some of his best work, hands down.

[Lokugh]

Originally Posted by Shorty3281

i shot a load at the president yesterday

Ya know, that is just wrong on so many levels...

[sachmo71]

Originally Posted by Samdari

But really, how often is that at your age?

Hey!

[Bonegavel]

posting in an adult-oriented thread where shorty has chimed in is usually against my religion, but...

You have all got to be kidding. Married 9 years as of last month and after the kid came around the horizontal, vertical, perpendicular (whatever your poison) bop has become a distant memory. Poor Haji has 4 rugrats I am of the notion to believe that she can't even look at his schwanstuka without having Nam' flashbacks.

Sure we get busy occasionally, but nothing kills a fully deployed womb cannon like the voice or the knocking on the bedroom door of a preschooler.

That, mixed with the fact that neither of you can look at each other without wanting to punch the other square in the face. That never helps.

Marriage is overrated, but then again, so is brunch.

[VPI97]

Originally Posted by Bonegavel

That, mixed with the fact that neither of you can look at each other without wanting to punch the other square in the face. That never helps.

Alrighty then...

[Ksyrup]

Originally Posted by Maple Leafs

it will happen as often as she wants it to.

I have yet to meet a woman where this is not the case.

[korme]

Originally Posted by Maple Leafs

P.S. Shorty is on fire in this thread. Some of his best work, hands down.

i'm not gonna let it get to my head or anything, but i seemed to have noticed that glengoyne and wsucougar are mia from his thread since my replies to them..

[Maple Leafs]

Originally Posted by Ksyrup

I have yet to meet a woman where this is not the case.

OK, true. But if she's aiming for a big shiny diamond, what she wants will seem oddly similar to what he wants.

[WSUCougar]

Originally Posted by Shorty3281

i'm not gonna let it get to my head or anything, but i seemed to have noticed that glengoyne and wsucougar are mia from his thread since my replies to them...

Aww, now I was going to let you slide and here you go bleating like a happy sheep.

We all know about your subscription to Glamour, so just fess up. And stop clicking on the "Married" gallery links at the free porn sites for advice material.

[vtbub]

Originally Posted by Maple Leafs

OK, true. But if she's aiming for a big shiny diamond, what she wants will seem oddly similar to what he wants.

Blowjobs during Sox games? Hmmm...

[dirtyoldman]

What you should do is lick her asshole while she is asleep until the point when she wakes up. She will love you forever. Also, if that doesn't work, offer to eat the corn off of her feet. Lastley if all else fails, draw a face on your penis with a magic marker. She’ll feel sorry for it and get up on it. If the marks come off, so will she, since it won’t be cute to her anymore. It’s a spell of sorts. JMHO

Old Guy

[korme]

Originally Posted by WSUCougar

Aww, now I was going to let you slide and here you go bleating like a happy sheep.

We all know about your subscription to Glamour, so just fess up. And stop clicking on the "Married" gallery links at the free porn sites for advice material.

what, sorry... i was just glancing through some reading material and forgot what you were talking about. care for a read?

No. 6 Ohio State Runs Past No. 10 Washington State, 25-7

Freshman tailback Maurice Clarett ran for 230 yards and two second-half scores.

	Ohio State tailback Maurice Clarett (13) stiff arms his way into the end zone through Washington State defender Al Genatone (47) for a touchdown in the first quarter of the Buckeyes 25-7 victory Saturday, Sept. 14, 2002, in Columbus, Ohio.
	Football Home HEADLINES Tressel Named Head Coach in the Villages Gridiron Classic 2004 Ohio State Football Season Outlook 2004 Ohio State Football Notes RELATED LINKS • CollegeSports.com Wire • Email this to a friend

Sept 14, 2002





Box Score | Quotes | Notes









COLUMBUS, Ohio - Freshman tailback Maurice Clarett ran for 230 yards, including 194 in the second half, to lift No. 6 Ohio State to a 25-7 victory over No. 10 Washington State in front of a record 104,553 fans Saturday at Ohio Stadium.

Clarett's 230 yards rushing on 31 carries were both career bests. His rushing total is the sixth-highest single game total in OSU history and the second-highest mark for a freshman behind Archie Griffin's 239 yards vs. North Carolina in 1972. Clarett earned more than 200 yards for the first time in his career and topped 100 yards for the second time in the first three games of his Ohio State career.

The Buckeyes struggled in the first half and trailed, 7-6, at intermission. Washington State out-gained Ohio State 189 to 109 yards in total offense in the first half, including a difference of 155 to 57 in passing yardage. Clarett had just 36 yards in the first half.

In the second half, Ohio State posted 254 yards of offense, 240 of which came by way of the ground attack. The Buckeye defense forced two interceptions and had two sacks against Washington State's Heisman Trophy candidate Jason Gesser. The WSU senior quarterback completed 25-of-44 passes for 247 yards and one touchdown. For the Buckeyes, quarterback Craig Krenzel was 4-of-10 for 71 yards.

Ohio State forced a punt on Washington State's opening possession of the second half and then drove 91 yards on just eight plays for the go-ahead score, a 3-yard run by Clarett. The freshman tailback opened the drive with a 44-yard rush over the left side. He also had carries of 6 and 20 yards on the drive. The score came at 8:37 in the third quarter and put the Buckeyes on top 13-7.

The Buckeyes extended their lead, 16-7 on a 45-yard field goal by Mike Nugent with 1:57 to play in the third quarter. The kick capped a six-play, 16-yard drive. The field goal was Nugent's third of the game and his eighth straight make, which is the fifth longest streak in OSU history.

Washington State was forced to punt on the ensuing possession and the Buckeyes took a two-point gift when the snap went over the punter's head and through the end zone. The safety gave the Buckeyes an 18-7 lead with 47 seconds remaining in the third quarter.

A one-yard run by Clarett put the Buckeyes up, 25-7, with 10:41 to play in the game. The score capped a 10-play, 66-yard drive that guzzled up 4:58 off the clock. Clarett ran for 37 yards on the drive. The score was the sixth touchdown of his career and was his fifth rushing touchdown.

Ohio State opened the game by scoring on its first possession. Kicker Mike Nugent made a 43-yard try to give the Buckeyes a 3-0 lead with 13:19 to go in the opening quarter. A 33-yard pass from Craig Krenzel to Mike Jenkins set up the score. Jenkins added a 16-yard grab to finish with 49 receiving yards.

Washington State countered with a touchdown on its initial drive, moving the ball 80 yards in 11 plays. The 5-yard completion from Jason Gesser to Devard Darling gave the Cougars a 7-3 lead with 8:33 to play in the first. Darling finished the game with six receptions for 65 yards.

Nugent pulled the Buckeyes within one, 7-6, with his second 43-yard field goal of the afternoon with 12:09 left in the second quarter. Lydell Ross had a 36-yard run in the drive.

The Cougars threatened, going 68 yards to set up a 29-yard field goal with 2:50 to play in the first half, but an errant snap gave the Buckeyes the ball. OSU could get nothing going and were forced to punt. Washington State went three and out and punted the ball for a touchback. OSU downed the ball and headed for the locker room trailing, 7-6.

Next week, Ohio State will play Cincinnati at Paul Brown Stadium in Cincinnati, Ohio. The game will be televised by ESPN and will begin at 3:30 p.m.

[Balldog]

Originally Posted by dirtyoldman

What you should do is lick her asshole while she is asleep until the point when she wakes up. She will love you forever. Also, if that doesn't work, offer to eat the corn off of her feet. Lastley if all else fails, draw a face on your penis with a magic marker. She’ll feel sorry for it and get up on it. If the marks come off, so will she, since it won’t be cute to her anymore. It’s a spell of sorts. JMHO

Old Guy

lol

[korme]

very interesting first post dirtyoldman

[Samdari]

Originally Posted by Maple Leafs

P.S. Shorty is on fire in this thread. Some of his best work, hands down.

I noticed this too. Its like his sense of humor is creeping towards adulthood. I feel so proud.

[Ben E Lou]

I really hope that a thread starting with a legitimate, serious question can somehow be salvaged, and not completely threadjacked by Junior High locker room humor.

[korme]

Originally Posted by Samdari

I noticed this too. Its like his sense of humor is creeping towards adulthood. I feel so proud.

Originally Posted by SkyDog

I really hope that a thread starting with a legitimate, serious question can somehow be salvaged, and not completely threadjacked by Junior High locker room humor.

Interesting back to back posts.

[vtbub]

Serious answer, sounds like she needs to see her doctor and get checked out.

Her hormones can be out of whack, and I can't imagine that with four kids, her energy level being super high.

That combination certainly lead to solo performance for you.

[Ksyrup]

Originally Posted by dirtyoldman

What you should do is lick her asshole while she is asleep until the point when she wakes up.

Don't do this, you will regret it! What happens is she instinctively clenches her butt cheeks and rolls over to find out what in the hell is going on, grasping your tongue in her vice grip buns, then nearly tearing out your tongue as she flips around. ANd then when you try to explain that "Ooh donoo wa theese taakang bow," she somehow knows you're lying.

Or so I've been told.

[Ksyrup]

Originally Posted by SkyDog

I really hope that a thread starting with a legitimate, serious question can somehow be salvaged, and not completely threadjacked by Junior High locker room humor.

We're marking time until haji is able to come back and post. He had some info that he needs to tell us before we can discuss the serious part further.

[korme]

how does ksyrup not have a custom title yet? something about music, or ass tonguing.

[Joe Canadian]

I'm not married so sex is still plentiful for me, but I hope you and your wife get through this!... Now onto my immature comment...

---

Sex should only be used for making children, not for pleasure... Thus, all gays and unmarried couples having sex are evil and sinners.

---

[Ben E Lou]

Originally Posted by Ksyrup

We're marking time until haji is able to come back and post. He had some info that he needs to tell us before we can discuss the serious part further.

Upon further review, I'd say that's fair enough.

[dirtyoldman]

You should pee in the bed and see what she does. If she stays, she loves you dearly and then you should go ahead and take a shit to further test the bounds of your love.

[Suicane75]

Originally Posted by SkyDog

I really hope that a thread starting with a legitimate, serious question can somehow be salvaged, and not completely threadjacked by Junior High locker room humor.

I stopped taking the thread seriously the moment he mentioned that he uses the girls on the track team he coaches in his sexual fantasies.

[sterlingice]

Originally Posted by SkyDog

Upon further review, I'd say that's fair enough.

Good lawyering, Ksyrup. You hoodwinked him good

SI

[Ksyrup]

Originally Posted by Shorty3281

how does ksyrup not have a custom title yet? something about music, or ass tonguing.

I think I'd prefer the former, thanks. :o

[Ksyrup]

Originally Posted by sterlingice

Good lawyering, Ksyrup. You hoodwinked him good

SI

That felt less like lawyering, and more like an explanation I'd give to my parents, but either way, it worked.

[Blackadar]

Ok, back to serious advice.

The amount of sex you'll have in marriage is directly proportionate to how well the marriage is working. When my wife and I were on the outs, we almost never had it. Everytime we did, we both enjoyed it, but I think subconsiously we didn't really want to have sex because we weren't that close in the day-to-day interactions.

Now, we have it a lot more because we're doing a lot better.

This is only semi-on-topic, but I have to tell you that having her stay at home and take care of the house is the best damned decision we ever made. She's not stressed out about the housework all the time because she has all day to do it. As she says, she has one job now, not two. She takes it seriously and the house looks great (or it will once we get unpacked). Dinner's ready, home-cooked and tasty on a timely basis. She's not stressed out and lost 40 lbs - she looks great now.

I don't have to worry about the housework either, so my life is in order once I get home. I get far more time with the family and I'm not stressed out either.

The kid gets a lot of time with his mommy and isn't in day care. He loves it.

Yea, you HAVE to make some financial sacrifices in your life, but it's well worth it. Fuck the rat race - enjoy your life instead. You'll find you don't really miss the money.

Case in point...we just moved to Charlotte...have boxes everywhere. If we were both working, we would have busted our ass to get everything unpacked this weekend because we'd both have to return to work. We probably wouldn't have cooked and been so stressed out that we would have killed each other.

Instead, she's at home. So we didn't stress out to get it done and took the kid hiking yesterday, played on the PC yesterday afternoon and watched a movie last night.

Guess which way you're likely to have more sex?

[MacroGuru]

Gotta laugh at this thread.....

I went for a drought, but that was mainly cause I travelled and was only home for the weekends.

However since November. My sex life seems to be life.....every day, and during the weekend 2 to 3 times a day.

I don't know what to say, I am wondering if she is taking anything, but I am not the one to complain about it.

[WSUCougar]

Originally Posted by indoorsoccersim

every day, and during the weekend 2 to 3 times a day

To waiter: "I'll have what he's having."

[MJ4H]

Originally Posted by haji1

It helps that I coach a varsity girls basketball team and some very hot limber hurdlers in track.

hey man pics plz k thx

[Ksyrup]

Originally Posted by Fritz in the premature ejaculators thread

this is a thread about the premature ejaculators, that is a thread for them

Coug, please leave this thread immediately and report to your thread.

[Yossarian]

To waiter: "I'll have what he's having."

Mrs Indoorsoccersim?

[Ksyrup]

Originally Posted by indoorsoccersim

Gotta laugh at this thread.....

I went for a drought, but that was mainly cause I travelled and was only home for the weekends.

However since November. My sex life seems to be life.....every day, and during the weekend 2 to 3 times a day.

I don't know what to say, I am wondering if she is taking anything, but I am not the one to complain about it.

Translation:

I'm sorry I find this amusing, I don't mean to laugh in your face, but I've been getting it daily (and sometimes hourly!) for almost a year, and reading about all of your problems sure makes me glad I'm not you. I wish I could help, but I have absolutely no experience from which to draw a possible suggestion that would be useful to anyone in this thread. Later, my girl is calling - wonder what she could want...?!

[sterlingice]

Originally Posted by Ksyrup

Translation:

I'm sorry I find this amusing, I don't mean to laugh in your face, but I've been getting it daily (and sometimes hourly!) for almost a year, and reading about all of your problems sure makes me glad I'm not you. I wish I could help, but I have absolutely no experience from which to draw a possible suggestion that would be useful to anyone in this thread. Later, my girl is calling - wonder what she could want...?!

Beautiful

SI

[Maple Leafs]

Originally Posted by SkyDog

I really hope that a thread starting with a legitimate, serious question can somehow be salvaged, and not completely threadjacked by Junior High locker room humor.

Is this your first day here?

[bbor]

Originally Posted by Ksyrup

Don't do this, you will regret it! What happens is she instinctively clenches her butt cheeks and rolls over to find out what in the hell is going on, grasping your tongue in her vice grip buns, then nearly tearing out your tongue as she flips around. ANd then when you try to explain that "Ooh donoo wa theese taakang bow," she somehow knows you're lying.

Or so I've been told.

A lawyer without a tongue is a clerk

[MacroGuru]

Originally Posted by Yossarian

Mrs Indoorsoccersim?

Don't want to go there....she might start looking when I am a shriveled husk

[Glengoyne]

Originally Posted by Maple Leafs

P.S. Shorty is on fire in this thread. Some of his best work, hands down.

Indeed. In fact, since his crack about the president was so funny I shot Scotch right outta my nose, I am gonna let him get away with calling me an Alcoholic.

[haji1]

Ok, I am back.

A lot of our problems have already been talked about here. The kids are a big part of it, I know. Our boys room is right across the hall and that has always made her nervous, our eight year old did walk in on us one time. We laughed at the moment, but I know it made her very apprehensive. Plus our baby sleeps in the bed with us a lot. We have decided this will be our last one. She breast feeds still and it is just easier for her to take care of him if he is in bed with us. I don't mind that at all really.

She is a stay at home mom with three children (the fourth in school) and I know is is worn down and tired by the end of the day. Because I teach and coach I am usually home around six and she is exhausted. The kids are mine at that point. The last thing she has on her mind is pleasing me. Seriously,she could just do without sex altogether, but she knows it is important to me. She always enjoys it and usually after we have had sex we will have it regular for a little while because she says "she remembers how fun it is." That hasn't happened as I said for over year though.

Anyway, the kids go to bed at nine ,and that is when she does as well or shortly after. Sometimes she will stay up later for Monday night football or to watch Becker at 10:00 with me or other things like that. Usually though she is just ready for bed. I like to stay up late usually until 1:00 or 2:00, but if I do go to bed with her at the same time, our kids are usually still awake for awhile so she doesn't want to. She will usally fall asleep within half an hour so I don't have the heart to wake her up. I have tried to go to bed early, but it stills does not happen, and really I am not tired yet. Maybe we should try early in the morning.

This may ramble but bear with me.

We do talk about it and know it is a problem, but we just don't really do anything to make changes. A weekend a way is a great idea and we have tried to plan one, but just haven't made the time commitment. We really don't know anyone in town very well and with four kids we are reluctant to "dump" them all on someone for a weekend. It is a lot of work. I am sure our families would do it, though they are mostly a long way away.

There are two other problems that I haven't mentioned, and I will try to keep this short.

1. The reason for the vasectomy is because she is afraid to get pregnant again. Twice we have had children when we thought we were safe so I know that she does not want that to happen again. We had children when she was young and I know she has some regrets about that. She feels her life really can't get strated until all of the kids are in school, well another "oops" would set those plans back furthur. We have talked about once I get the vasectomy maybe she will be able to relax more in regards to sex.

2. She has been battling depression. She has had a rough family life, but it is also a chemical thing. We have been trying different meds, but whe she became pregnant we had to be careful of what she took, and she didn't really want to be on anything while she was carrying, so she went off. Well her depression hit pretty hard and her energy was extremely low. Once we had the baby though, it was back to square one with trying to find the right medicine because of hormone changes. She was still very depressed, angry, snap at the children and at me and honestly, I had little desire to be intimate with her. Those were some hard times.

Now though we seem to have found one that has worked well over the past few weeks. She is much happier, and more energetic. Plus she has taken a job as a freshman volleyball coach while I quit coaching head cross-country so she could do so. A little role-reversal. This will get her out of the house more and she is really excited. I haven't seen her this happy in a long time.

Hopefully with those changes we will see an improvement. I am sure that we will. She really is a fantastic wife to put up with me and being a coach's wife isn't an easy thing to be. The lack of sex is frustrating for sure, but I guess I was able to understand why.

Thanks for the advice and thoughts. It has really helped me out just to be able to type this out and share some things.

BTW My remark about my athletes was a joke, just a part of my rant. My fantasies are about my wife, as hokey as that sounds.

[EagleFan]

"101 Nights of Grrrrreat Sex" by Laura Corn

Try it, it's definitely worth it. Our sex life has increased exponentially since starting that book. Try it, you won't regret it (and you'll love the "Velvet Tongue").

[Glengoyne]

Originally Posted by Shorty3281

i'm not gonna let it get to my head or anything, but i seemed to have noticed that glengoyne and wsucougar are mia from his thread since my replies to them..

It's just that taking shots at someone with a handle so clearly indicative of their penis size seemed unseemly.

[CamEdwards]

another serious answer:

I agree with Blackader, but you have to make allowances for the energy factor of dealing with children.

When my wife and kids first moved to Virginia, it was like we were newlyweds. Then again, we'd seen each other only sporadically for the past three months. After a few weeks it started to go back to normal. For the past couple of weeks, it's been nonexistent because of several factors:

1- unlike Blackie's wife, my wife isn't sure she likes staying at home all day. On those days when she really wishes she was back at work, she takes it out on me.

2- We have three kids (17, 13, and 4), so she's dealing with a hormonal teenage girl, a surly teenage boy, and a clingy toddler age boy... all day long. I think she might have had more energy when she was working.

[sterlingice]

Originally Posted by Glengoyne

It's just that taking shots at someone with a handle so clearly indicative of their penis size seemed unseemly.

I think Shorty had better stop now since it seems he's going to wake up veterans of the high school insult wars and it'll be all over for him, especially 2 versus 1.

SI