awkward teen or future sex offender? - Page 2

johnnyshaka · 07-15-2011, 10:14 AM

As a father of two little girls I am not looking forward to this sort of shit. Neighbourhood kids is one thing (because you can witness it personally and deal with it) but when they are at school and you have to trust that they, the staff at school, are paying attention to what's going on...man, that is going to be tough.

Please keep us in the loop as I'd be curious to know how this gets resolved and what the parents of your daughter's friend think as well as the offender's parents think.

tarcone · 07-15-2011, 10:37 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Alan T

I showed your original post to my wife, a school psychologist.

Her comments were without knowing the kid, that its obvious that he doesn't understand social boundaries. The cause for it could be one of many things though, and harder for anyone to pinpoint without actually spending time with the kid. Her list were similar to what I saw others posted in this thread though, but her first comments were that it could be:

-Aspergers or some mild form of autism
- Sign of possibly being molested himself
- sign of some form of cognitive delay

Either way, her suggestion is for you to bring your concern to the kid's parents.

This is where my thoughts are.

Aspergers was my 1st reaction. Sounds like some of the kids at my school.

Call his parents.

JediKooter · 07-15-2011, 10:44 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DaddyTorgo

Unless he has a shrine of dead animals in the woods...then I'm going with psychopath.

I always thought that animal mutilation and killing was an early warning sign of serial killers. Yea, this is something I would not put off at all and the school he goes to should be contacted as well as his parents and probably the police.

Ben E Lou · 07-15-2011, 10:50 AM

Maybe it's the "former youth worker" in me coming out, but I do see dual responsibilities here.

1. FIRST AND FOREMOST, AND HIGHEST PRIORITY: Protect your kids (and other kids) from a likely dangerous kid.

2. SECONDARY PRIORITY, BUT IMPORTANT: Make sure this young man is getting help.

As has been mentioned several times, this sort of stuff rarely happens in a vacuum. Either he has a disorder (treated or untreated) or there are significant problems in his life, likely at home. If it's the former, the parents will appreciate you coming to them and either explain the situation or get him help. If it's the latter, you'll likely sense resentment in you getting involved. If there's any hint of that, I'd call the police *and* CPS.

Of course, there's always the possibility that his dad is a truly evil and diabolical child molester who will smile, nod, and thank you for coming, promise to get him help, then continue molesting him. So maybe the police/CPS route might be good regardless of the reaction. *shurg*

JonInMiddleGA · 07-15-2011, 10:58 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ben E Lou

So maybe the police/CPS route might be good regardless of the reaction.

This really highlights something that frustrates me in situations like these ... we typically really don't know what the "right" answer is.

There are several options, probably best exercised in combination with each other, but as a parent or even just a concerned bystander situations like this don't seem to frequently offer a slamdunk obvious choice.

I'm uncomfortable with so much gray in a situation where the stakes have the potential to be so high, not sure what can be done about that - I mean, this discussion has folks who are pretty clearly above the curve in education, general intelligence, etc ... and we can't be absolutely definitive in what path we'd take personally much less be definitive from long distance.

Again, dunno what can be done to change that, but it frustrates me nevertheless.

Alan T · 07-15-2011, 11:06 AM

Well, I think in a sense, Eaglefan has already done part of the right first steps. Making sure his kids are protected, by watching out for this kid and providing interference for that kid interacting with his kids. As well as warning the parents of the kids who are friends with his. Alerting them to be cautious will go an extra step in helping his kids be safe when over at their place.

So for first steps of protection, I think those were good steps. However the kid obviously does need help, and the comments to go to his parents first make the most sense as a starting step. If the result of that step didn't happen as wished, good next steps would be to talk to that kid's school psychologist, or his kid's school psychologist. If his kids went to the same school as that kid, the school psychologist would be able to set up some form of safe zone if there is a concern about that kid's interaction with his kids. Since he said they went to different schools, there might not be as much that can be done with that, but the school Psychologist usually will want to look further into a distressing report like that even if they can't share any further information with Eaglefan.

Finally for a third step, there is the public safety aspect of things. If Eaglefan can not provide proper protection for his kids, the police are definitely an option, and when it comes to kids, they likely would bring in CPS as well. I don't think this step is as promising in getting that kid help though as the other two steps before it, but if Eaglefan's kids are in danger beyond the protection he can provide, then he has to obviously think of their safety first. Hopefully though the kid can get help before it gets to a police stage of things.

Julio Riddols · 07-15-2011, 12:38 PM

To me it seems like theres a pretty clear cut checklist here.

1. Talk to the parents of the kid first and foremost ASAP. Get a sense of how they react and of their awareness of the situation. Without being a dick, explain your concern and see how that is received.

2: If the kids parents are receptive of your concern and seem to want to take care of this issue, give it a little time and see if the behavior continues before going to step 3.

3: If the parents are not receptive of your concern, or if the behavior continues, speak with other parents in the neighborhood to get their perspective on the situation and gather any more evidence they might be able to provide regarding their own experiences with the boy. This will also make them aware of the situation if they were not already so that they can take preventive steps regarding their own children.

4: Using all the information you have from the conversation with the boys parents as well as the other neighborhood parents, contact CPS and see what they recommend to do. Maybe they already have some information about that family due to prior issues, maybe not. Either way, I am sure they can help with deciding your next course of action.

5: If the situation escalates before things can be addressed through any of the above, contact the police and go from there.

Danny · 07-15-2011, 02:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tarcone

This is where my thoughts are.

Aspergers was my 1st reaction. Sounds like some of the kids at my school.

Call his parents.

Again it's limited info, but from Ef's description of their interactions after his initial post, I am not sure about this. The kid seemed to read Ef's behavior in a way an aspregers kid would probably have difficulty doing (is ef just opening his door and the kid starting to hurry and yell about going home already)

Eaglesfan27 · 07-15-2011, 03:02 PM

Been so busy, I am just catching up on this thread. At first when I read the thread, I was thinking autism or MR. Now, that I have read further, I am thinking this kid has a more sinister problem. Either way, my first step would be to approach the parents and discuss it with them. Contacting school officials isn't a bad idea either, but due to privacy issues they won't be able to reveal anything to you. The only purpose there would be to warn others about this kid's behavior.

Eaglesfan27 · 07-15-2011, 03:04 PM

Dola -

I'm in agreement with Ben that Child Protective Services/Police likely will need to be involved as well.

DaddyTorgo · 07-15-2011, 08:29 PM

Zoinks. If EF says that you know it's serious.

EagleFan · 07-15-2011, 09:09 PM

Quiet day today. No sign of the kid today. Will work on talking to the parents tomorrow.

Flasch186 · 07-16-2011, 08:33 PM

tooooooo quiet.

fantom1979 · 07-16-2011, 11:33 PM

Danny might be an expert in this field, but I have to disagree.

Belt. Ass. Now.

Suicane75 · 07-17-2011, 12:11 AM

I mean........You do realize you can't go around beating other peoples children right?

PilotMan · 07-17-2011, 12:22 AM

There are certainly a lot of red flags here. The one that sticks out for me is that if he considers this behavior normal, what kind of behavior goes on in his house that he is exposed to? I wouldn't be expecting a whole lot with his parents. There are some abuse flags here, meaning I think he has been abused/could be abusive. If the parents are hiding anything they are going to be concerned and all on your side and the kid is going to pay the price after you leave. That's not really your problem, but you certainly have a lot to go on if you decided to go the CPS route.

I am with Ben on this one, you have to protect your own, and those around you. You have to have those eye's in the back of your head at all times. This could certainly has something going on. His failure to understand boundaries and testing you, right in front of you are big warning signs that something is wrong with his decision making tree in his head. Watch out!

Rizon · 07-18-2011, 10:22 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by EagleFan

Quiet day today. No sign of the kid today. Will work on talking to the parents tomorrow.

3 days later ...

Hope EF didn't get chopped up in the woods.

Bako · 07-18-2011, 01:01 PM

I'd rather be wrong being a dick to this kid, than being wrong and something happening to my daughter.

Trust no one when it comes to your kids. Obvious exceptions would be Grandparent and family.

GrantDawg · 07-18-2011, 01:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bako

I'd rather be wrong being a dick to this kid, than being wrong and something happening to my daughter.

Trust no one when it comes to your kids. Obvious exceptions would be Grandparent and family.

Sorry, even that depends on the grandparent.

Bako · 07-18-2011, 01:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by GrantDawg

Sorry, even that depends on the grandparent.

Very true.

mattlanta · 07-24-2011, 05:45 PM

Is EF okay? I hope he wasn't chopped up in the woods as Rizon had speculated...

PilotMan · 07-24-2011, 06:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Libid21

Is EF okay? I hope he wasn't chopped up in the woods as Rizon had speculated...

...or in jail.

johnnyshaka · 07-24-2011, 06:06 PM

He beat me at Frozen Synapse today, so he's around.

cartman · 07-24-2011, 06:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by johnnyshaka

He beat me at Frozen Synapse today, so he's around.

Or the kid is really good at the game...

DaddyTorgo · 07-24-2011, 06:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cartman

Or the kid is really good at the game...

Izulde · 07-24-2011, 07:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cartman

Or the kid is really good at the game...

/thread

EagleFan · 07-24-2011, 09:03 PM

It's actually been quiet since I had a word with him and his family. He hasn;t been spotted by any of the girls that live in the area.

I checked out the spot in the woods and it looks like he was climbing a tree. There are some windows that he could probably see into from there. Luckily none would be my daughter's.

I am hoping that it stays quiet. His mother seemed to have a level head about it; his father not so much.

07-15-2011, 10:50 AM	#54
Ben E Lou Morgado's Favorite Forum Fascist Join Date: Oct 2000 Location: Greensboro, NC	Maybe it's the "former youth worker" in me coming out, but I do see dual responsibilities here. 1. FIRST AND FOREMOST, AND HIGHEST PRIORITY: Protect your kids (and other kids) from a likely dangerous kid. 2. SECONDARY PRIORITY, BUT IMPORTANT: Make sure this young man is getting help. As has been mentioned several times, this sort of stuff rarely happens in a vacuum. Either he has a disorder (treated or untreated) or there are significant problems in his life, likely at home. If it's the former, the parents will appreciate you coming to them and either explain the situation or get him help. If it's the latter, you'll likely sense resentment in you getting involved. If there's any hint of that, I'd call the police and CPS. Of course, there's always the possibility that his dad is a truly evil and diabolical child molester who will smile, nod, and thank you for coming, promise to get him help, then continue molesting him. So maybe the police/CPS route might be good regardless of the reaction. shurg __________________ The media don't understand the kinds of problems and pressures 54 million come wit'! Last edited by Ben E Lou : 07-15-2011 at 10:51 AM.

07-15-2011, 11:06 AM	#56
Alan T Hall Of Famer Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: Mass.	Well, I think in a sense, Eaglefan has already done part of the right first steps. Making sure his kids are protected, by watching out for this kid and providing interference for that kid interacting with his kids. As well as warning the parents of the kids who are friends with his. Alerting them to be cautious will go an extra step in helping his kids be safe when over at their place. So for first steps of protection, I think those were good steps. However the kid obviously does need help, and the comments to go to his parents first make the most sense as a starting step. If the result of that step didn't happen as wished, good next steps would be to talk to that kid's school psychologist, or his kid's school psychologist. If his kids went to the same school as that kid, the school psychologist would be able to set up some form of safe zone if there is a concern about that kid's interaction with his kids. Since he said they went to different schools, there might not be as much that can be done with that, but the school Psychologist usually will want to look further into a distressing report like that even if they can't share any further information with Eaglefan. Finally for a third step, there is the public safety aspect of things. If Eaglefan can not provide proper protection for his kids, the police are definitely an option, and when it comes to kids, they likely would bring in CPS as well. I don't think this step is as promising in getting that kid help though as the other two steps before it, but if Eaglefan's kids are in danger beyond the protection he can provide, then he has to obviously think of their safety first. Hopefully though the kid can get help before it gets to a police stage of things. __________________ Couch to ??k - From the couch to a Marathon in roughly 18 months.

07-15-2011, 12:38 PM	#57
Julio Riddols College Prospect Join Date: Feb 2001 Location: Bryson Shitty, NC	To me it seems like theres a pretty clear cut checklist here. 1. Talk to the parents of the kid first and foremost ASAP. Get a sense of how they react and of their awareness of the situation. Without being a dick, explain your concern and see how that is received. 2: If the kids parents are receptive of your concern and seem to want to take care of this issue, give it a little time and see if the behavior continues before going to step 3. 3: If the parents are not receptive of your concern, or if the behavior continues, speak with other parents in the neighborhood to get their perspective on the situation and gather any more evidence they might be able to provide regarding their own experiences with the boy. This will also make them aware of the situation if they were not already so that they can take preventive steps regarding their own children. 4: Using all the information you have from the conversation with the boys parents as well as the other neighborhood parents, contact CPS and see what they recommend to do. Maybe they already have some information about that family due to prior issues, maybe not. Either way, I am sure they can help with deciding your next course of action. 5: If the situation escalates before things can be addressed through any of the above, contact the police and go from there. __________________ Recklessly enthused, stubbornly amused. FUCK EA

07-15-2011, 03:02 PM	#59
Eaglesfan27 Hall Of Famer Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: New Jersey	Been so busy, I am just catching up on this thread. At first when I read the thread, I was thinking autism or MR. Now, that I have read further, I am thinking this kid has a more sinister problem. Either way, my first step would be to approach the parents and discuss it with them. Contacting school officials isn't a bad idea either, but due to privacy issues they won't be able to reveal anything to you. The only purpose there would be to warn others about this kid's behavior. __________________ Retired GM of the eNFL 2007 Super Bowl Champion Philadelphia Eagles (19-0 record.) GM of the WOOF 2006 Doggie Bowl Champion Atlantic City Gamblers. GM of the IHOF 2019 and 2022 IHOF Bowl Champion Asheville Axemen.

07-15-2011, 03:04 PM	#60
Eaglesfan27 Hall Of Famer Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: New Jersey	Dola - I'm in agreement with Ben that Child Protective Services/Police likely will need to be involved as well. __________________ Retired GM of the eNFL 2007 Super Bowl Champion Philadelphia Eagles (19-0 record.) GM of the WOOF 2006 Doggie Bowl Champion Atlantic City Gamblers. GM of the IHOF 2019 and 2022 IHOF Bowl Champion Asheville Axemen.

07-15-2011, 08:29 PM	#61
DaddyTorgo Hall Of Famer Join Date: Oct 2002 Location: Massachusetts	Zoinks. If EF says that you know it's serious.

07-15-2011, 09:09 PM	#62
EagleFan Hall Of Famer Join Date: Nov 2000 Location: Mays Landing, NJ USA	Quiet day today. No sign of the kid today. Will work on talking to the parents tomorrow. __________________ The EagleFan YouTube Channel - Reactions Soarin' & Scratchin' YouTube Channel - We react to music, videos, TV, we talk, we are planning some field trips Soarin' & Soothin' - Meditation, Relaxation, and Sleep Aid; mental health is important

07-16-2011, 08:33 PM	#63
Flasch186 Coordinator Join Date: May 2002 Location: Jacksonville, FL	tooooooo quiet. __________________ Jacksonville-florida-homes-for-sale Putting a New Spin on Real Estate! ----------------------------------------------------------- Commissioner of the USFL USFL

07-16-2011, 11:33 PM	#64
fantom1979 College Benchwarmer Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: Sterling Heights, Mi	Danny might be an expert in this field, but I have to disagree. Belt. Ass. Now.

07-17-2011, 12:11 AM	#65
Suicane75 Coordinator Join Date: Sep 2003 Location: NJ	I mean........You do realize you can't go around beating other peoples children right?

07-17-2011, 12:22 AM	#66
PilotMan Head Coach Join Date: Oct 2002 Location: Seven miles up	There are certainly a lot of red flags here. The one that sticks out for me is that if he considers this behavior normal, what kind of behavior goes on in his house that he is exposed to? I wouldn't be expecting a whole lot with his parents. There are some abuse flags here, meaning I think he has been abused/could be abusive. If the parents are hiding anything they are going to be concerned and all on your side and the kid is going to pay the price after you leave. That's not really your problem, but you certainly have a lot to go on if you decided to go the CPS route. I am with Ben on this one, you have to protect your own, and those around you. You have to have those eye's in the back of your head at all times. This could certainly has something going on. His failure to understand boundaries and testing you, right in front of you are big warning signs that something is wrong with his decision making tree in his head. Watch out! __________________ He's just like if Snow White was competitive, horny, and capable of beating the shit out of anyone that called her Pops. Like Steam? Join the FOFC Steam group here: http://steamcommunity.com/groups/FOFConSteam

07-18-2011, 01:01 PM	#68
Bako H.S. Freshman Team Join Date: May 2005 Location: Bakersfield, CA	I'd rather be wrong being a dick to this kid, than being wrong and something happening to my daughter. Trust no one when it comes to your kids. Obvious exceptions would be Grandparent and family. __________________ DFL and CCFL

07-24-2011, 05:45 PM	#71
mattlanta Mascot Join Date: Dec 2007	Is EF okay? I hope he wasn't chopped up in the woods as Rizon had speculated...

07-24-2011, 06:06 PM	#73
johnnyshaka College Benchwarmer Join Date: Oct 2002 Location: Edmonton, AB	He beat me at Frozen Synapse today, so he's around.

07-24-2011, 09:03 PM	#77
EagleFan Hall Of Famer Join Date: Nov 2000 Location: Mays Landing, NJ USA	It's actually been quiet since I had a word with him and his family. He hasn;t been spotted by any of the girls that live in the area. I checked out the spot in the woods and it looks like he was climbing a tree. There are some windows that he could probably see into from there. Luckily none would be my daughter's. I am hoping that it stays quiet. His mother seemed to have a level head about it; his father not so much. __________________ The EagleFan YouTube Channel - Reactions Soarin' & Scratchin' YouTube Channel - We react to music, videos, TV, we talk, we are planning some field trips Soarin' & Soothin' - Meditation, Relaxation, and Sleep Aid; mental health is important

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