The thread for Strange News Stories

[sterlingice]

It was only 2 foot long. It wouldn't hurt that much

SI

[Chief Rum]

Originally Posted by sterlingice

It was only 2 foot long. It wouldn't hurt that much

SI

Yeah, but it would sure piss you off if it landed near you during your back swing.

[sterlingice]

I like the explanation: we think a bird dropped it

SI

[Chief Rum]

Originally Posted by sterlingice

I like the explanation: we think a bird dropped it

SI

It does seem odd, but I am familiar with that area and even that course a little, and it's just nowhere near the ocean. You have to drive significant minutes to get to the ocean from there.

[Chief Rum]

So how pissed do you think that bird was? I mean, it nabbed the shark from the ocean four miles away and maybe even further out, and is taking its unusual prey back to its nest somewhere in the hills to the east of San Juan Cap when somehow the shark shakes free.

I liken it to getting fast food, having to hit your brakes hard and watching the fries tumble out of the bag and all over the passenger seat and floorboard.

[sterlingice]

"Aw crap, I just dropped my coffee from that across town place I don't go to very often. I'm still not drinking it off the ground."

SI

[JediKooter]

I thought they liked donuts?

NYC officer arrested in ghoulish kidnap plot - Yahoo! News

[M GO BLUE!!!]

That'll end up on SVU

[mckerney]

Probe launched into Polish priest who gets young children to lick whipped cream off his knee in creepy school initiation | Mail Online

[JediKooter]

Originally Posted by mckerney

Probe launched into Polish priest who gets young children to lick whipped cream off his knee in creepy school initiation | Mail Online

I hope they used lots of lube to get that probe launched into that guy.

[JediKooter]

Traces of cocaine and marijuana found in air of eight Italian cities | The Sideshow - Yahoo! News

Favorite line:
"Some of the study's results are already creating a buzz: "

[Breeze]

This is brilliant...

Bank Robber Returns to Complain he was short changed

[bhlloy]

Didn't he read the sign? Please check your change before you leave the window

In all seriousness I'd be very interested to know this geniuses IQ. Like you say, brilliant

[cartman]

Originally Posted by JediKooter

Traces of cocaine and marijuana found in air of eight Italian cities | The Sideshow - Yahoo! News

Favorite line:
"Some of the study's results are already creating a buzz: "

So that explains the feelings of withdrawl I had when I moved back from Italy.

[stevew]

At Last, Rod Stewart Breaks His Silence on Getting His Semen-Filled Stomach Pumped

At Last, Rod Stewart Breaks His Silence on Getting His Semen-Filled Stomach Pumped
Rich Juzwiak
For decades, Rod Stewart's name has been synonymous with ingesting quarts of cum. The rumor goes that he sucked off (and swallowed) so many sailors in a gay bar in San Diego that he landed in the hospital and needed to have his stomach pumped. What a lightweight.

Despite what he claims, it's become such an accepted part of his bio that the seemingly straight-laced, Talbots-wearing ladies who filled the chairs of Katie Couric's talk show stage giddily screamed, "FACT!!!" when Couric asked him about it during a recent game of Fact of Fiction.

Stewart denied it and can even point to the source: a scorned publicist named Tony Toon. "I'm as heterosexual as the come," explained Stewart, but I smell a popper. Wasn't everyone at least a little bit gay in the ‘70s?

Stewart is talking about this because he released his memoir this week, Rod: The Autobiography. In it, he goes further into the seamen semen story. Quotes the Daily Beast:

By 1982, Stewart was married to actress Alana Hamilton, ex-wife of actor George Hamilton. They went on vacation in Hawaii, and Toon came along. The hotel was overbooked, so Toon and Alana's son Ashley, who was 7, shared a room. "Toon, of course, couldn't resist pulling some bloke in the bar that evening and taking him back to the room. I fired him in the morning. Toon's revenge was absolutely inspired. He fed the press a story in which, as a consequence of an evening spent orally servicing a gang of sailors in a gay bar in San Diego, I had been required to check into a hospital emergency room to have my stomach pumped...I have never orally pleasured even a solitary sailor, let alone a ship's worth in one evening. And I have never had my stomach pumped, either of naval-issue semen or of any other kind of semen. With minor variations...this story has stayed with me ever since. Say what you like about Tony Toon-and God rest his soul-but he was good at his job."

I lived a pretty isolated life in PA and I even heard about this story when I was in middle school.

[JediKooter]

Nice to see him cum clean on this.

[M GO BLUE!!!]

Police: Pastor of Fort Worth-area church killed

A pastor in suburban Fort Worth was killed Monday by an attacker who rammed a car into a church wall, chased the pastor and beat him with an electric guitar, police said.

[I. J. Reilly]

Originally Posted by M GO BLUE!!!

Police: Pastor of Fort Worth-area church killed

A pastor in suburban Fort Worth was killed Monday by an attacker who rammed a car into a church wall, chased the pastor and beat him with an electric guitar, police said.

And then the attacker died after being tased and put in the back of a squad car. This story is all kinds of f'd up. It is Texas, so the guy was going to get the needle anyway though so who cares.

[britrock88]

Sounds like a fun Saturday night to me...

Sheriff: man breaks into church, eats popcorn, then passes out in ladies room

[stevew]

Syracuse-Area Brothers Charged in Plot to Steal $5 Million Lottery Payout - NYTimes.com

They waited until shortly before the $5 million winning ticket in a scratch-off lottery game would have been worthless. Then, when two brothers from the Syracuse area went to claim the prize, they made an unusual offer: They told state lottery officials that they would be happy to take home less than the full amount if they could avoid a news conference.

The officials made them wait some more, saying a security check had to be completed before the big payday.

But “security check” turned out to be another name for an investigation that ultimately led to the brothers’ arrest on Tuesday on larceny and other charges. The authorities said the two brothers had tricked the actual winner, a customer at their parents’ convenience store.

The brothers — Andy Ashkar, 34, and Nayel Ashkar, 36 — were charged with attempted grand larceny and conspiracy. The Onondaga County district attorney, William J. Fitzpatrick, said in a statement that Andy Ashkar was also charged with criminal possession of stolen property, the ticket in the “$500 Million Extravaganza” game, sold in October 2006.

Andy Ashkar told the buyer at the time that it was only a $5,000 winner and, after pocketing $1,000 as a “fee,” gave the man $4,000, according to the statement from Mr. Fitzpatrick.

Mr. Fitzpatrick said in the statement that when the Ashkars went to the lottery’s headquarters in Schenectady in March of this year, they were told they would have to wait for the “security check.”

The next milestone mentioned in Mr. Fitzpatrick’s statement was an article last month in The Post-Standard of Syracuse about the Ashkars and the winning ticket — a story Mr. Fitzpatrick said “was actually put out by the lottery security division in an effort to have the real winner come forward.” Other news outlets including The Associated Press also carried the report, based on a news release from the lottery’s communications office.

John Lammers, the enterprise editor of The Post-Standard, said the newspaper assigned two reporters to the story because the editors wondered why the lottery had disclosed so much in a news release. Usually, he said, the lottery waits to announce a winner’s identity at a news conference.

“Nobody put a fast one over on us,” he said. “We were suspicious of this from the get-go. Something was going on.

“We put it on the front page because of all the red flags, and our readers got it immediately.”

The lottery’s news release said Andy Ashkar had bought the ticket but had waited to redeem it “out of concern that the winning ticket could negatively influence his life if he did not plan properly before being publicly introduced.”

“Most notably,” the news release said, “Ashkar said he did not want the winning ticket to influence his engagement and subsequent marriage.” The release also said that Andy Ashkar wanted to share the money with his brother “to show his appreciation for all that Nayel had done for him during his life.”

Carolyn Hapeman, a spokeswoman for the lottery, said at the time that it was “unusual” for the lottery “to send out a prerelease about an upcoming winner event.” The news release said the lottery “requires” players who win $1 million or more to attend a news conference.

“We’ve been getting a lot of calls about this particular ticket and these individuals,” she said on Oct. 17, “and rather than anybody question ‘Is it true? Is it true?’ we sent out what we know thus far.” On Tuesday, she referred questions about the case to Mr. Fitzpatrick’s office.

His statement said the false release had served its purpose; the real winner had come forward “and will hopefully be awarded his actual winnings pending the conclusion of the case against the Ashkar brothers.”

There was no answer at the Ashkar family’s store or at their homes.

As for the real winner, the authorities did not release his name.

[molson]

A lot of weird stories coming out of Syracuse lately. It's kind of the Florida of the northeast in that way. On one of my first days of college there I saw a sign in a park expressly proclaiming that lewd behavior was not permitted in the park. I knew then it was going to be a great 4 years.

[Suburban Rhythm]

Originally Posted by molson

A lot of weird stories coming out of Syracuse lately.

You ain't kidding

Mark Suben, Cortland County District Attorney, Admits He Acted In Porn Films

[JonInMiddleGA]

Hardly ever a dull day here in the Classic City. Not even on a Monday afternoon downtown. ERROR: The requested URL could not be retrieved

A 44-year-old Athens man is facing criminal charges after he created a scene with a Taser on Monday at a bar downtown.

Meredith Grayson Watson, of Hiawassee Avenue, got into an argument with his wife at the Roadhouse on North Lumpkin Street, then went outside and held a Taser as if it were his penis and discharged it at passersby, Athens-Clarke police said.

A bartender called police at about 2:30 p.m. to report the man’s behavior.

She told officers that Watson’s wife was a good customer at the Roadhouse, but Monday was the first time she ever saw Watson, police said. They were arguing about him being intoxicated as they entered the bar.

The bartender overheard the couple arguing about Watson supposedly being high and that he was going to end up in jail, according to police.

The man’s wife left the bar and Watson went after her, but he quickly returned and resumed drinking, setting a Taser on the bar, police said.

Watson then began to use the device.

“(The bartender) stated he went outside and put the Taser down to his pants and was acting like it was his penis,” according to the arrest report.

“When people would walk by he would shock it at them and would come as close as arm’s reach from them and set the Taser off,” according to the report. “He scared a few girls so much they crossed the street to get away.”

The report did not mention anyone actually getting shocked by the Taser.

Watson was jailed on charges of public intoxication and disorderly conduct at 6:04 p.m. and released about four hours later after posting a bond of $1,000.

[JediKooter]

Don't taze me bro!

[EagleFan]

Casey Anthony detectives overlooked Google search

Great job by the prosecution. I would think this should have jumped off the page. Someone searching foolproof ways to suffocate someone from Casey's computer and then signing into Casey's myspace account on the same day that the daughter goes missing and then turns up dead from suffocation.

[molson]

U.S. Planned Cold War Mission To Blow Up The Moon? Is That Even Possible? - Forbes

I think we should still do this.

[sterlingice]

Didn't you read the article, silly? It's going to take more energy than we can make. Thus, we need to make a bigger superlaser or better bombs. That's what we should be working towards!

SI

[mckerney]

Shopping mall Santa loses his job after telling 3-year-old the Leafs suck | Puck Daddy - Yahoo! Sports

"Then he said, 'Oh, you're wearing a Toronto Maple Leafs tuque (hat), you shouldn't be wearing that, they suck.' At that point, I took my son and told him we should go, Santa isn't being very good today."
Trent said her son was inconsolable and cried all the way home to Mississauga.
"He wanted to know who Paul Bunyan was? He wanted to know why Santa said the Toronto Maple Leafs suck," Trent told the Sun Thursday. "I told him Santa was having a bad day. I can't really tell him Santa's a jerk."

[Vince, Pt. II]

Robotic dinosaur forces Australian PGA Championship to move - CBSSports.com

The Australian PGA is having trouble with the site of their championship tournament.

[gstelmack]

Originally Posted by Vince, Pt. II

Robotic dinosaur forces Australian PGA Championship to move - CBSSports.com

The Australian PGA is having trouble with the site of their championship tournament.

I love the headline, since it's all the signs getting in the way of the playing area (forcing them to mark more areas as places where the players can change their lie) that are really forcing the issue.

[cartman]

Paul McCartney is going to take Kurt Cobain's place in a Nirvana reunion. I had to double check to make sure it wasn't an article from The Onion.

Sir Paul McCartney replacing Kurt Cobain in Nirvana | The Sun |Showbiz|Music

[Matthean]

Originally Posted by cartman

Paul McCartney is going to take Kurt Cobain's place in a Nirvana reunion. I had to double check to make sure it wasn't an article from The Onion.

Sir Paul McCartney replacing Kurt Cobain in Nirvana | The Sun |Showbiz|Music

Well, it is The Sun.

[JediKooter]

Maybe I'm Amazed It Smells Like Teen Spirit?

[Chief Rum]

Originally Posted by mckerney

Shopping mall Santa loses his job after telling 3-year-old the Leafs suck | Puck Daddy - Yahoo! Sports

Paging DGB.

[sterlingice]

You're not going to find him. I heard he's been looking for odd jobs ever since the NHL lockout and, last I heard, his most recent was a mall Santa gig that fell through

SI

[JediKooter]

What is wrong with you, Canada? How hard can it be?

Montreal may require dogs to be bilingual | The Sideshow - Yahoo! News

"The current situation in Montreal Dog Park is untenable chaos," LaDouce told CBC Radio. "The various dog commands are incomprehensible to each other."

If it's that bad, where chaos has already ensued, maybe you shouldn't be allowed to have a dog park? Just sayin'

[cartman]

Woman's Sex Romp Exposes Workers' Comp Fraud - ABC News

FTFA:

Martin was caught on videotape in August 2009 throwing her crutches into a car and running in high heels to meet her boyfriend at a public park, where she took part in a sex act that doctors concluded she couldn't have done with an injured ankle, District Attorney Steve Wagstaffe said.

[Vince, Pt. II]

Monster Eagle Tries to Fly Away With Small Child

This is nuts.

[sterlingice]

Is it bad that the first thing I thought when I saw that was "Wow! That's awesome!"

SI

[Butter]

Apparently, it's fake. A good fake, but a fake.

[DougW]

Dental Assistant Fired For Being 'Irresistible'. Iowa says boss was within his legal rights when he fired her.

Dental Assistant Fired For Being 'Irresistible' Is 'Devastated' | ABC News Blogs - Yahoo!

[DougW]

Kids dare friend to eat raw eggs. He downs 28 .. & dies.

Man eats 28 raw eggs, dies - UPI.com

[mckerney]

Sobering day in Russia as beer becomes alcohol

[MizzouRah]

Originally Posted by mckerney

Sobering day in Russia as beer becomes alcohol

So it's not a soft drink?

[DougW]

............................

[Draft Dodger]

not quite a correct summary

the women didn't sue him. One applied for state benefits and now the state is trying to make him pay.

[molson]

Originally Posted by MizzouRah

So it's not a soft drink?

Not anymore apparently:

"Many Russians consider beer a soft drink - a light refreshment that can be guzzled on the way to work or downed in great quantities before a picnic and a swim in the river."

That sounds like it's a pretty big change, it won't be available everywhere like soda here, but it will be subject to time and place rules. I guess they'll just have to carry some booze in the coats. Or, carry more booze in their coats that usual.

[lighthousekeeper]

I never knew some governments controlled people's names:

News from The Associated Press

[sterlingice]

Seems an odd case. It's more about trying to keep the language with a set of standards than anything.

This time, the panel turned it down on the grounds that the word Blaer takes a masculine article, despite the fact that it was used for a female character in a novel by Iceland's revered Nobel Prize-winning author Halldor Laxness.

Given names are even more significant in tiny Iceland that in many other countries: Everyone is listed in the phone book by their first names.

Surnames are based on a parent's given name. Even the president, Olafur Ragnar Grimsson, is addressed simply as Olafur.

Blaer is identified as "Stulka" - or "girl" - on all her official documents, which has led to years of frustration as she has had to explain the whole story at the bank, renewing her passport and dealing with the country's bureaucracy.

Sure you can boil it down to "People should be able to name their kids whatever they want" but it's not that simple if we think a little harder about it.

We build certain institutions around assumptions we make. As stated above, basically because of the oddball spelling, everyone she runs across assumes she's a boy because it's a boy's spelling and that causes a whole other world of odd headaches for her.

Just to use a simple example, when people are double checking their work (i.e. at the DMV, for instance), they trust that the article and name matches up. I bet that unlike here, they have a near 0 instance of wrong gender on the driver's license. It's a silly thing but if you decide to change something for no reason or "self expression" or whatnot, there are actually some consequences that aren't thought about.

SI

[MizzouRah]

Originally Posted by molson

Not anymore apparently:

"Many Russians consider beer a soft drink - a light refreshment that can be guzzled on the way to work or downed in great quantities before a picnic and a swim in the river."

That sounds like it's a pretty big change, it won't be available everywhere like soda here, but it will be subject to time and place rules. I guess they'll just have to carry some booze in the courts. Or, carry more booze in their coats that usual.

A light refreshment that can be guzzled on the way to work?

I think I tried that once..