The Mental Health Thread

[21C]

My turn to decompress here because I don't have any sort of reliable support network.

My 34yo daughter is bipolar and had a deteriorating ability to look after herself. She had a similar episode 11 years ago and got the assistance to get back on with her life. This time, my ex-wife and I called to get her committed after she resisted our attempts to get her support.

Long story short, she is now getting the help she needs but it is a gradual process.

However this has a huge effect on my own (barely functioning) mental health. I felt heartened because she asked if I could visit her every day which I didn't mind - I am effectively retired and I would do anything to support her. The daily highs and lows of her manic behaviour take a toll on me - and I know that this is ultimately not about me.

I have been divorced for 12 years and I have turned into a hermit unable to deal with long term friendships that have dried up and disappeared. Discussions with my daughter have turned into one-sided attacks which are not meant to be vindictive but hurtful nonetheless. That in combination with dealing with my ex-wife has turned me into a set of raw nerves that has me questioning my entire existence (no suicidal thoughts in case you were wondering).

I am coping but I'm struggling.

[Edward64]

We had a very close family member also committed for treatment (and is now better). But not a daughter and can't imagine the stress & emotions you are going through.

Hang in there and do the best with your own mental health. Maybe talk to a therapist?

[miami_fan]

Originally Posted by 21C

My turn to decompress here because I don't have any sort of reliable support network.

My 34yo daughter is bipolar and had a deteriorating ability to look after herself. She had a similar episode 11 years ago and got the assistance to get back on with her life. This time, my ex-wife and I called to get her committed after she resisted our attempts to get her support.

Long story short, she is now getting the help she needs but it is a gradual process.

However this has a huge effect on my own (barely functioning) mental health. I felt heartened because she asked if I could visit her every day which I didn't mind - I am effectively retired and I would do anything to support her. The daily highs and lows of her manic behaviour take a toll on me - and I know that this is ultimately not about me.

I have been divorced for 12 years and I have turned into a hermit unable to deal with long term friendships that have dried up and disappeared. Discussions with my daughter have turned into one-sided attacks which are not meant to be vindictive but hurtful nonetheless. That in combination with dealing with my ex-wife has turned me into a set of raw nerves that has me questioning my entire existence (no suicidal thoughts in case you were wondering).

I am coping but I'm struggling.

I'm sorry you are doing with this. Without digging too deep, are these dealings with your ex-wife solely concerning your daughter's mental health and her care or does it go beyond that? I'm just wondering if it is possible to limit the dealings to only discussions about your daughter's care and not include topics that make things worse for the both of you.

[21C]

Dealing with my ex-wife just reminds me of how inadequate I feel as a person. I find it difficult to connect to others and this situation has brought this to the fore.

[BishopMVP]

Originally Posted by 21C

My 34yo daughter is bipolar and had a deteriorating ability to look after herself. She had a similar episode 11 years ago and got the assistance to get back on with her life. This time, my ex-wife and I called to get her committed after she resisted our attempts to get her support.
...
I felt heartened because she asked if I could visit her every day
...
Discussions with my daughter have turned into one-sided attacks which are not meant to be vindictive but hurtful nonetheless.

A) stop it you're a good person

B) this part stood out to me. Is she attacking you in these, and are they just random topics that get brought back to this or are you trying to have deeper conversations about where her life goes going forward? If it's the latter you are the parent but you and your ex-wife have also done the hardest part by getting her to a facility and they have mental health professionals she is presumably talking to, is it possibly best if you ignore the larger topics at hand (or at least let her bring them up or open up when she wants to)? Like are there board games she likes, or painting, or Yahtzee or something? She's there 24 hours a day and presumably thinking or talking about deep things which aren't the easiest to sort out when you aren't there, you're not going to win any fights vs ghosts from your shared past and letting her vent a little can be positive, but maybe it's better to focus on how you can be better together going forward? Or just to let her know you're there for her instead of having another voice telling her she needs to change X (even if she does), I like fixing things too but sometimes non judgmental support is what people need while they sort through stuff internally.

(If it's not that my bad, but bullet point A still stands!)

[21C]

Thanks for those insights, Bish.

She is slowly getting into a better place. She initially asked me to come and visit every day but then told her friend that I should next visit on Saturday. She needs that break. I need that break.

I'm still struggling but I am working on stuff. I needed to take a long walk today to stop overthinking the situation. Doing that and the odd glass of wine (I know that alcohol is not a solution) have helped to soften the edges.

I need to keep reminding myself that this is not about me. This is all about getting her better.

[21C]

Here is a positive update to my story.

After 12 years of being single (and seemingly resigned to that fact) and dealing with the mental anguish stirred up by my daughter's illness, I have taken huge steps moving forward. By the way, my daughter is doing very well now and getting on with her life again.

I decided to revisit the dating app scene. I had installed and uninstalled them multiple times in the past after gaining little to no traction. This time I decided to be more patient and it has paid off. I have met a lovely woman and we have really hit it off. We have only had a few dates but they have been really good (not "good-good" but we are definitely moving in that direction). We talk several times a day on the phone and, most importantly, we communicate really well.

Long story short, I am smiling and laughing again.

As an example of what she means to me, I spent several hours yesterday and today cleaning up my apartment before she came to visit. My apartment was always "bachelor-tidy" before but now is reasonably tidy. I cleaned up ostensibly for her but I mainly did it for me.

I'm in a good place.

[Passacaglia]

That's great news! Glad to hear things are going better!

[PilotMan]

That's really heartening to hear. Very good update.

[Ksyrup]

Great to hear!

Sounds like your apartment is in better shape than this messageboard (he says, having just gotten it to load for the first time since last night after multiple failed attempts...).

[Kodos]

Good to hear that things are going better!

[21C]

Thanks for the kind words, guys. It means a lot.

I'm currently at her place getting ready to go out to a Bee Gees cover band and a night of dancing (I haven't danced in 40 years).

I agree. If I can sort out my apartment then surely someone can do something about this message board.

[flere-imsaho]

Woohoo!

[Edward64]

Let's create a similar thread below for you !!

How to (successfully) hit on a coworker. - Front Office Football Central


That's only one of few threads that brought the community somewhat together in a common cause (?)