The thread for Strange News Stories

[sterlingice]

Originally Posted by M GO BLUE!!!

BBC News - Three men charged over Norwich 'Oompa Loompas' attack

Police investigating an assault involving people dressed as Oompa Loompas have charged three men.

Officers appealed for information following an incident at a kebab shop in Norwich on 27 December.

A 28-year-old man suffered cuts and bruises in the attack which took place on the Prince of Wales Road.

The men have each been charged with two counts of assault causing actually bodily harm.

They are Matthew Wright, 20, of Decoy Road, Potter Heigham; Matthew Watling, 19, of Lighthouse Close, Happisburgh; and Louis Gelinas, 20, of Rectory Road, Sutton.

All three have been released on bail and are due to appear before Norwich magistrates on 8 April.

The Oompa Loompas were fictional characters from the 1971 film Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, a movie that was based on a book by Roald Dahl.

Sadly, not Florida

SI

[mckerney]

Don't worry, Florida Man is still hard at work to bring us amusement.

Florida Man Thought To Have Pooped On Sidewalk Outside Burger King

Investigators about 7:30 p.m. March 20 went to a Burger King in Sebastian in the 9100 block of Sebastian Boulevard after a report of a man "exposing himself to customers and stumbling through the parking lot," an affidavit states.

Booze-smelling Matthew Paul Emmett, 35, was found lying in the grass, a couple of Four Lokos by him, the affidavit states.

One person told Sebastian police a man was partially exposing himself through the window of Burger King, which is home of the Whopper (630 calories/35 grams fat), Double Whopper (830 calories/50 grams fat) and Triple Whopper (1,020 calories/64 grams fat) burgers, according to the affidavit and the Burger King website.

"Several other customers exited the restaurant and stated they thought the defendant was defecating on the sidewalk," the affidavit states.

Defecating in public generally is frowned upon.

[DougW]

The short ..
A woman in her 60s walks into a bank.
She drops a bag down on the counter, it appears weighty.
She tells the bank teller, this is a bomb - now give me money.
The bank teller does as instructed.
The woman leaves and gets in a car, driven by a man.
The bomb squad is called in, and it's discovered that the "bomb" was actually ... wait for it ....
2 cans of spaghetti sauce.

They're still looking for her.

Spaghetti sauce cans are weapon of choice for woman who robbed Mich. bank, police say - Crimesider - CBS News

[M GO BLUE!!!]

Originally Posted by sterlingice

Sadly, not Florida

SI

If it was Florida, they would have been mistaken for Oompa Loompas, but actually have been just some midgets that got too much sun.

[Suburban Rhythm]

Hugh Jackman attacked in gym: Woman arrested for throwing 'razor filled with pubic hair' at him | Mail Online

[Mizzou B-ball fan]

The Most Deranged Sorority Girl Email You Will Ever Read

[Draft Dodger]

Originally Posted by Suburban Rhythm

Hugh Jackman attacked in gym: Woman arrested for throwing 'razor filled with pubic hair' at him | Mail Online

weird. someone would have to be crazy to stalk someone like that, he said, while reading news of a stalker on a page filled with stalker photos

[cartman]

Mormon bishop with Samurai sword runs off attacker - CBS News

[Lathum]

Police: Large monkey spotted near Cincinnati Museum Center

[sterlingice]

Monkey on the lam!



SI

[mckerney]

Gunfire and moments of fear as a rural Oregon school tests its readiness | OregonLive.com

And I thought the fire drills we had to do in school were annoying.

[M GO BLUE!!!]

Originally Posted by mckerney

Gunfire and moments of fear as a rural Oregon school tests its readiness | OregonLive.com

And I thought the fire drills we had to do in school were annoying.

That's a situation that would have made it more exciting if a member of the staff was packing.

[M GO BLUE!!!]

Mom forced daughter, 14, to impregnate herself

[Critch]

http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage...-from-dog.html

[PilotMan]

http://gawker.com/check-out-this-hor...scot-490513884

[M GO BLUE!!!]

More pics of people hangin' with Mr. Balls right here:

AAPEC - Associação de Assistência às Pessoas com Câncer

I kinda want to find a plush Mr. Balls toy.. I think it would make a great gift!

[Izulde]

Utah referee punched by player dies in hospital - Soccer - SI.com

At least the kid can legitimately say he killed a man with one punch.

[Lathum]

Originally Posted by Izulde

Utah referee punched by player dies in hospital - Soccer - SI.com

At least the kid can legitimately say he killed a man with one punch.

thats pretty sad stuff

[molson]

Originally Posted by Izulde

Utah referee punched by player dies in hospital - Soccer - SI.com

At least the kid can legitimately say he killed a man with one punch.

Damn, that's a super-extreme example of what we were talking about in the baseball thread a few weeks ago about the Greinke thing. Do you punish him for punching a guy in the face or killing a guy, exactly in the middle, or closer to one than the other?

[EagleFan]

There is no place in society for that punk kid. Get out the needle, or rope, or electric chair...

[Izulde]

Originally Posted by molson

Damn, that's a super-extreme example of what we were talking about in the baseball thread a few weeks ago about the Greinke thing. Do you punish him for punching a guy in the face or killing a guy, exactly in the middle, or closer to one than the other?

My guess would be this qualifies as manslaughter?

I mean, realistically, how does this kid manage to kill the guy with one punch? Doesn't that have to be a perfect storm of factors?

[Eaglesfan27]

Originally Posted by Izulde

My guess would be this qualifies as manslaughter?

I mean, realistically, how does this kid manage to kill the guy with one punch? Doesn't that have to be a perfect storm of factors?

I used to work in a juvenile jail about 10 years ago and I treated a kid who killed a guy with one punch. He hit him just right in the side of the head with enough force to cause a massive subdural hematoma that didn't get treated quickly enough. He was charged with manslaughter and got "juvenile life in jail" which basically equated to about 10 years of jail time for him.

[JonInMiddleGA]

Originally Posted by M GO BLUE!!!

More pics of people hangin' with Mr. Balls right here:

AAPEC - Associação de Assistência às Pessoas com Câncer

I hadn't been in the thread for a while, came here to post this very story (saw it mentioned today at ajc.com)

[cartman]

http://www.sportsbusinessdaily.com/J...p/Charmin.aspx

Charmin is sponsoring some NASCAR events, and yes, skid marks are part of the marketing strategy.

[M GO BLUE!!!]

http://www.crainsdetroit.com/article...athon-canceled

Less than two weeks after a fire at its Detroit oil refinery that caused several thousand local residents to be evacuated, the state announced – and then canceled hours later – an award presentation recognizing Marathon Petroleum Co. for its outstanding safety and health record.

According to a Tuesday release from the Michigan Occupational Safety and Health Administration, Marathon was to receive the CET Platinum Award this morning, at the refinery where the fire occurred. In a release sent out early today, MIOSHA canceled the presentation, but did not clarify whether Marathon still will receive the award. Today's statement said the presentation was being canceled "while the company investigates a recent incident that occurred on April 29, 2013."

Safety award? Good job!

[cartman]

I can't find a safe for work link that doesn't contain any pics, but there is the text of the article:

Man claims 'threatening dildo' was sent by Tractor Supply worker

Ralph Polnicky was shocked after receiving a shipment containing a large dildo with the words "Tractor Supply. Don't Come Back," and "Ralph is a Dick," written in black, reports KFOR.

Polnicky says he ordered a 250-foot spool of bungee cord from the Tractor Supply Company in Shawnee, Oklahoma last year, and didn't get it for weeks. In October, he confronted the company about taking too long to ship the product, and Polnicky claims an employee shouted at him, "Don't come back."

The package containing the threatening sex toy arrived four months later. “We were aghast, I mean, we were absolutely shocked by what’s in this box,” Polnicky said. “My wife was, just, ‘Oh my God! What, who is this? What do they want? What are they going to do next?’”

Polnicky wants someone to be held accountable for the "private" package. Though it isn't a crime to send a sex toy through the mail, it could be possible to sue employer Tractor Supply for emotional damages.

Authorities were unable to retrieve fingerprints from the personal device. "It had touched too many hands," Polnicky said. Tractor Supply headquarters issued a statement saying there is so far "no basis" for believing the package was sent by an employee.

[Chief Rum]

There is so much (I believe) unintentional comedy in that article.

[cartman]

It was the lead story on the local news.

[mckerney]

Swedish Man Dies After Having Sex With Hornet’s Nest - IBTimes UK

Ok, if you're a lonely 30 year old on a farm maybe I can understand the urge to have sex with one I'd your animals, but a hornets nest?

[Mizzou B-ball fan]

Originally Posted by mckerney

Swedish Man Dies After Having Sex With Hornet’s Nest - IBTimes UK

Ok, if you're a lonely 30 year old on a farm maybe I can understand the urge to have sex with one I'd your animals, but a hornets nest?

Don't knock it until you try it.

[lighthousekeeper]

Darwin Award nominee, for sure.

[cartman]

Vancouver man abandons Porsche on B.C. ferry - British Columbia - CBC News

[cartman]

Dino Zaffina, the guy from back on page 19 of this thread, received a big ol' smackdown from the judge over his antics.

SoCal Darts Association Beats Back Dino M. Zaffina, Saves Trademark - Los Angeles - News - The Informer

[Butter]

Originally Posted by cartman

Dino Zaffina, the guy from back on page 19 of this thread, received a big ol' smackdown from the judge over his antics.

That's Dino M. Zaffina, do you want to get FOFC sued?

[TroyF]

Originally Posted by DougW

The short ..
A woman in her 60s walks into a bank.
She drops a bag down on the counter, it appears weighty.
She tells the bank teller, this is a bomb - now give me money.
The bank teller does as instructed.
The woman leaves and gets in a car, driven by a man.
The bomb squad is called in, and it's discovered that the "bomb" was actually ... wait for it ....
2 cans of spaghetti sauce.

They're still looking for her.

Spaghetti sauce cans are weapon of choice for woman who robbed Mich. bank, police say - Crimesider - CBS News

OK, so being laid up, I go through this thread and see this story. I decide to see if she had been caught. She has.

http://www.macombdaily.com/article/2...sauce-arrested

A 425 pound women. How in the hell do you think you are going to get away with the crime when you are that size. I'm not hating on obese people, but when you are truly over 4 bills, do you seriously think you don't kind of stick out in a crowd.

Gave me a good laugh, figured I'd post the rest of the story here.

[mckerney]

Kettle that looks like Hitler brews trouble for JCPenney - Telegraph

[Lathum]

Originally Posted by mckerney

Kettle that looks like Hitler brews trouble for JCPenney - Telegraph

Took a minute to see it but makes perfect sense now.

That being said, JC Penny has much bigger probems

[Chief Rum]

Originally Posted by mckerney

Kettle that looks like Hitler brews trouble for JCPenney - Telegraph

Great quote from someone who took a picture of the billboard featuring the kettle Hitler.

"I'm a little Nazi, short and stout."

The Onion couldn't write this one better.

[cartman]

Report: Keyshawn Johnson chased down, called cops on Justin Bieber - CBSSports.com

Keyshawn saw The Bieber driving a Ferrari at high speeds in his neighborhood. So Key chased him down. IN A PRIUS.

[M GO BLUE!!!]

Maybe Keyshawn CAN catch anything.

[molson]

James Lipton was a pimp in Paris in the 1950s.

James Lipton Was A Pimp In Paris: TV Host Reveals Unique Career Past

[cartman]

Rectum? Yep, and it killed him.

Attacker in Afghanistan Hid Bomb in His Body - NYTimes.com

Now, months after that attack, on Dec. 6, a spokesman for the National Directorate of Security, Shafiqullah Tahiri, confirmed that the attacker had hidden the bomb inside his rectum.

[Galaxy]

Angered over bathroom fan request, Syracuse man defecates in roommate's car, police say | syracuse.com

[Suburban Rhythm]

Clamor over Rep. Jesse White's online personas grows - Pittsburgh Post-Gazette

[Galaxy]

Originally Posted by Galaxy

Angered over bathroom fan request, Syracuse man defecates in roommate's car, police say | syracuse.com

Forgot to add my thought...my favorite part of this story is the age of these men.

[EagleFan]

Mother charged with injecting daughter, 5, with amphetamines

This woman has no place in society, she serves no useful purpose, I would be fine with death penalty.

[StLee]

Originally Posted by EagleFan

Mother charged with injecting daughter, 5, with amphetamines

This woman has no place in society, she serves no useful purpose, I would be fine with death penalty.

Hopefully her girls can move on to a positive life now that she's jailed. Holy shit...

[M GO BLUE!!!]

'Vinyl Purist' Identified As Primary Suspect In Slaying Of 22-year-old Traktor DJ

[Shkspr]

Originally Posted by M GO BLUE!!!

'Vinyl Purist' Identified As Primary Suspect In Slaying Of 22-year-old Traktor DJ

That's an amazing bit of reporting. I like the way every fact in the story reveals more about the crime as each layer is peeled away...almost like an onion.

[Lathum]

Originally Posted by EagleFan

Mother charged with injecting daughter, 5, with amphetamines

This woman has no place in society, she serves no useful purpose, I would be fine with death penalty.

I really believe you should need a license to breed