How Many 5 Year Olds Can You Take?

[gottimd]

Originally Posted by Hell Atlantic

fuck that...that was a movie with CGI effects. this is life and death. i suppose you think you can jump from head to head to head like Neo did with all the Agents too?

let's get real, keep the super powers out of this.

I know that, all super powers set aside, I mean, in some of the situations he tossed Agent Smith into the other ones. I mean things like that in that fight, not the flying parts or that type of shit.

[MikeVic]

Originally Posted by Suicane75

If ya found yourself a couple of chubby ones you could hold em by the fat on their necks, like you hold a cat, and use them as shields while you kick the heads off of the oncoming attackers.

I think it says that they are healthy American children... so no tubby ones.

The shield thing would be a better tactic I think than the swinging. If you're going for a lot, conserving energy and going on the defense as soon as possible would be the key I think.

But, if they are gone as soon as they get knocked out, then this gets a lot harder.

[gottimd]

Originally Posted by MikeVic

The shield thing would be a better tactic I think than the swinging.

Not necessarily, if you sit there defensively, they will come at you in all directions. You have to be offensive in some sorts, at least clear a lane around you. Like you just rebounded the ball.

[Ksyrup]

Originally Posted by JPhillips

Ksyrup is very right by saying swinging by the head is a bad idea. Not only would the grip be tricky, but eventually its likely that you would rip the head from the body leaving you with only a small head for a weapon. If you grab by the legs even when they inevitably rip off the body you still have two small clubs to batter the rest senseless.

Let me just say, the visual of doing this, having the head rip off, getting pissed, and hurling it at one of the oncoming rushers, made me laugh so hard I actually felt bad about the thought. Then it passed.

Actually, and I've done this with my daughter (although not at 'killer' speed), I wasn't thinking about spinning myself, just the kids - one in each hand, in propeller fashion. It can be done, although I agree that the energy loss might be too great after a while. I mean, once you get them going and then they stop in mid flight when they smack another one, you have to start the whole thing over and that can get tiring.

Can we make this a backetball court with 8 foot rims? I'd like to try a 3 pointer, and of course, a few slam dunks.

[WSUCougar]

I think the best tactic for the little bastards would be to go all phalanx on your ass. Get a big block of them and just push you toward a wall...or trample you. One key would be to stay on your feet to oppose this. A dog-pile would probably end it quickly by sheer weight of numbers.

[Ksyrup]

Have we determined whether "out" means still in the room, but no longer "in play," or whether they disappear from the room. Or, whether being "out" means they can't attack or be used for attack?

[Anthony]

Originally Posted by gottimd

Here is a question no one asked, is this a lighted room? Strobe lights? or completely dark?

oh man...don't even say strobe lights. i become an complete animal in strobe lights. you could tack on another 100 kids then if we're using strobe lights.

in a FOF MP league i was in, i had my team prepare for a big game by throwing them all in a small room. i would then put the strobe light on, and random words would flash on a monitor, like "Doom", "Tear", "Smash"....the room would have speakers playing very loud sounds of animal, like growling dogs, sounds of lions and wolves, people screaming. every once in a while we'd throw undercooked meat into the room and let them fight for it.

we wound up losing the game, but i swear, they all lost a little bit of their humanity after that experience. never the same again. i don't suggest using that tactic all the time.

[JPhillips]

HellAtlantic: Sure, you can remove the cups. But be sure and don't linger down there, that would be inappropriate.

I think WSU is on to something. How would you coach the five year olds? Personally, I would get them run away until you get caught up in trying to grab one. As soon as you slow down long enough to grab one, I'd have them mass rush with the goal of pulling hair and biting your face. Even if you eventually win you'll leave a bald, scarred figment of the man you used to be.

[Anthony]

Originally Posted by JPhillips

HellAtlantic: Sure, you can remove the cups. But be sure and don't linger down there, that would be inappropriate.

it's over then if i can remove their cups. over. put me in a room with strobe lights and let me remove the cups...

200 kids. i could take on 200 kids in that instance.

[Ksyrup]

Originally Posted by JPhillips

Even if you eventually win you'll leave a bald, scarred figment of the man you used to be.

Not to mention ruin any shot you had with a woman.

"You got those scars HOW?"

"But baby, they weren't just 5 year old kids! They were trained killers!"

[QuikSand]

Originally Posted by gottimd

Strobe lights?

BRILLIANT!

[judicial clerk]

I am thinking of the Seinfeld episode where Kramer was getting training in Karate and he was in a class of 9 year olds. They ganged up on him in the end and gave him quite the thrashing.

[judicial clerk]

dola;

would any of the kids be named Ditka?

[WSUCougar]

While reading this thread I cannot help but think of those little aliens from Galaxy Quest:

[Lathum]

This thread is getting into my head way to much...

so I'm at lunch and I see this 5 year old kid and start wondering if I could throw him around, spin him by his head, etc...

I suddenly get the feeling that someone is looking at me. I look away and straight into the eyes of the kids mother who has this disgusted look on her face that says "why the HELL are you staring at my kid" I can only imagine the look on my face as I am staring at this five year old kid with an expression of experamental curiosity. Good thing his dad wasn't there or I'd probably be bloody right now.

[Shkspr]

Okay, for the kids, the first goal has to be the immobilization of the limbs. I'm sure a reasonably fit adult can walk (with difficulty) with one 5 year old wrapped around each leg. With two kids draped around each leg hanging on, though, it becomes nearly impossible to retain any sense of mobility while also retaining balance. THe adult's primary instinct in that situation has to be to get the kids off. The problem with that isthat to do so requires that a few precious seconds be taken away from using children as crude bludgeons and used to clout the heads of the kids about the kneecaps.

The second priority, therefore, must me for the kids to secure each arm. This will most likely require three children hanging on to each limb securely. Again, the adult may be able to MOVE an arm, but they probably won't be able to use it to deal significant damage.

At that point with ten kids attached to the extremities, you can pull the guy to the ground by simply having the arm-holders pull him far enough away from upright that his center of gravity cannot be sustained by his immobile feet.

Then, send in the biters.

Given that some lovable little tots will need to be sacrificed for the good of the revolution, I estimate 30 kids should be able to take out a reasonably fit, unarmed adult with no combat training.

Even my wife.

[Ksyrup]

Step 1 in training the kids: Make them watch the end of Bug's Life over and over. Flic's speech becomes the Braveheart speech for the bastards. They should study the techniques used in taking down the grasshoppers.

[Anthony]

i could take 100 kids easily.

especially with strobe lights on.

[gottimd]

Originally Posted by Hell Atlantic

especially with strobe lights on.

Could the right music playing with the strobe lights add some more carnage?

[rkmsuf]

If the kids are not scared by definition I can't see the number being anymore than 30 at the most.

Depends on the size of the arean though. The larger arena favors the adult.

*actually just re-read. Basketball size make it 50. The adult could isolate some of the 5 years for easy outs.

[Bee]

Originally Posted by gottimd

Could the right music playing with the strobe lights add some more carnage?

I imagine "Feelings" playing in the background.

[Anthony]

Originally Posted by gottimd

Could the right music playing with the strobe lights add some more carnage?

no music. a tape of animal sounds, or sounds from the jungle, or maybe just blood-curdling screams looped over and over?...pure blood lust.

i might have been experimented on in a lab when i was a child. i just know i could take it to level 12 under that scenario.

[Franklinnoble]

Originally Posted by gottimd

Could the right music playing with the strobe lights add some more carnage?

I think so. I'd be damn near unstoppable with "Jesus Built My Hotrod" blaring while the strobe lights are going...

[rkmsuf]

This is probably a show over in Japan already.

[MikeVic]

Ok, so are we getting any clarification on the official lighting, and whether kids are taken away right after they get knocked out?

[Ksyrup]

If the kids had Death Angel's Kill As One piped into their earpieces, we'd all be slaughtered.

[gottimd]

What about the "Greatest Love" by Mariah Carey, mainly that part of the song about the children, just loop that over and over again.

Also, forgot to ask...huge problem here, are the little demonoids allowed to bite? That could hurt if they get on you and bite, and change strategy up a little.

[QuikSand]

Originally Posted by Shkspr

Then, send in the biters.

This thread needs its own, separate, QOTM.

[QuikSand]

I'm going to take a different angle -- and suggest that using the bodies of fallen kids is not going to be productive. Sure, it increases your might when hitting the ones you hit -- but toting around 50 pounds or so of dead weight is just going to make you unweidly and ripe to be picked off by more maneuverable opponents. I think it's a net loss -- how hard do you have to his a five yar old to knock him out, anyway?

I'm thinking that kicking and punching is the way to go here... quicker, more accurate, ought to get the job done, but keeps you more ready to defend.

And I think rending a limb off one of them is too hard to even consider. You don't have 90 seconds to work through all that gristle -- if you spend time on that, you're toast.

[Franklinnoble]

Ok... but, how many 5 year olds could Ditka take?

[Lathum]

The music would have to be We are The World

[Ksyrup]

Originally Posted by gottimd

What about the "Greatest Love" by Mariah Carey, mainly that part of the song about the children, just loop that over and over again.

Also, forgot to ask...huge problem here, are the little demonoids allowed to bite? That could hurt if they get on you and bite, and change strategy up a little.

I think anything goes. At this point, we're a little uncertain about the lighting and whether the bodies disappear, stay where they are, or can be used as shields/attack instruments.

[mhass]

Originally Posted by Franklinnoble

Ok... but, how many 5 year olds could Ditka take?

A lot. But not nearly as many as HA on raw meat.

[gottimd]

Drowning Pool, "Let the bodies hit the floor".

Where is JPhillips, we need some clarification on the rules here.

[Ksyrup]

Originally Posted by mhass

A lot. But not nearly as many as HA on raw meat.

And strobe lights. Don't forget the strobe lights.

[mhass]

Originally Posted by Ksyrup

And strobe lights. Don't forget the strobe lights.

How could I? Have you been reading this??!!

[gottimd]

Wow, you can find anything on the internet. Someone has had this discussion before. Maybe they have some hints and tips. Here is another one.

[rkmsuf]

Starting positions would be key as well. If the adult stood at center court with the 5 year olds around him 5 deep, the adult would be in trouble from the go.

If the adult started at one end and the 5 year olds the other, the adult would have a better chance against more.

[Ksyrup]

Originally Posted by gottimd

Wow, you can find anything on the internet. Someone has had this discussion before. Maybe they have some hints and tips. Here is another one.

I like how one guy in the first discussion says, "I would go up to 53," as if this is such an exact science, he knows that at 54, he's asking for trouble.

[QuikSand]

Quoting for reference.

Originally Posted by stated rules

The question: How many 5 year-olds could you take on at once?

The specifics:


You are in an enclosed area, roughly the size of a basketball court. There are no foreign objects.

You are not allowed to touch a wall.

When you are knocked unconscious, you lose. When they are all knocked unconscious, they lose. Once a kid is knocked unconscious, that kid is "out."

I (or someone else intent on seeing to it you fail) get to choose the kids from a pool that is twice the size of your magic number. The pool will be 50/50 in terms of gender and will have no discernable abnormalities in terms of demographics, other than they are all healthy Americans.

The kids receive one day of training from hand-to-hand combat experts who will train them specifically to team up to take down one adult. You will receive one hour of "counter-tactics" training.

There is no protective padding for any combatant other than the standard-issue cup.

The kids are motivated enough to not get scared, regardless of the bloodshed. Even the very last one will give it his/her best to take you down.

Despite the amusement opportunities... I think the fairest assumption is that the conditions above are everything relevant. No trick lighting, or else it would be mentioned.

[QuikSand]

I just made a link to this thread on my phone's web browser. Just incase I get stuck in an elevator or a meeting or something... I don't want to be away for too long.

[gottimd]

I am waiting to hear on the news or see on the internet:
Man arrested in Astoria, NY for walking into Elementary School and crushing the entire Kindergarten and 1st grade students. Witnesses say, he reaked of alcohol, strolled into the gym, plugged his strobe light in, and went to town on the little kids.

How he was arrested, after he finished the "task", he walked over the bodies, sat on the bleachers, pulled out a hoagie, and then went to town on that.

[mhass]

Originally Posted by gottimd

I am waiting to hear on the news or see on the internet:
Man arrested in Astoria, NY for walking into Elementary School and crushing the entire Kindergarten and 1st grade students. Witnesses say, he reaked of alcohol, strolled into the gym, plugged his strobe light in, and went to town on the little kids.

Reports have the assailant's accomplises tossing ground chuck into the gymnasium periodically.

[JPhillips]

I think that the lighting would have to be assumed to be good and constant, say the lighting for a basketball game.

The bodies would stay where they fall, but no child could reenter combat after he/she has been knocked unconscious.

The music will be loud and majestic renditions of Bach's greatest organ pieces, although for HellAtlantic the organ will be replaced by tuned animal cries.

The event will be videotaped and sold on PPV in Japan.

Each combatant is allowed to color his/her cup as desired. 256 colors of crayons will be provided.

All combatants will share in a pre-match cup of cherry Kool-Aid.

[gottimd]

Crayons? Shifty little bastards could shave those down into shanks.

[mhass]

WHEN o WHEN will this thread get stickyed?

[WSUCougar]

Simulation game thread is up HERE.

Join now to fend off the vicious, Barney-loving hordes.

[Anthony]

Originally Posted by QuikSand

I'm going to take a different angle -- and suggest that using the bodies of fallen kids is not going to be productive. Sure, it increases your might when hitting the ones you hit -- but toting around 50 pounds or so of dead weight is just going to make you unweidly and ripe to be picked off by more maneuverable opponents. I think it's a net loss -- how hard do you have to his a five yar old to knock him out, anyway?

I'm thinking that kicking and punching is the way to go here... quicker, more accurate, ought to get the job done, but keeps you more ready to defend.

And I think rending a limb off one of them is too hard to even consider. You don't have 90 seconds to work through all that gristle -- if you spend time on that, you're toast.

exactly. no one is tearing off anyone's limbs, let's get that established.

you need to take your knee and drive it into their faces. easy outs. that's it. knee to the face and they're done. i'd concentrate on shoving them down too. so knee to the face, push as many as i can to the floor to buy me some time, then haymakers, you could probably hit 2 kids if you're good enough. then you catch your breath by pushign as many as you could to the floor.

100 kids. the only thing that could stop you would be your stamina.

also, keep in mind - they might be tiny warriors, but they are only 5 years old, if you hit them hard enough they'll cry. so you could even smack a lot of kids to catch your breath.

then Mr. Knee will put them to bed once they stop to cry.

[TargetPractice6]

Actually I think spinning a kid around would be a very BAD idea. First off one could get dizzy and it would take quite a bit of energy to sling one around and then toss it. Also what has been mentioned: I just don't think the kids you would hit would get knocked out. I think they would stay away for as long as you spin the kid which only leaves you with the negative consequences and no kids out. Also 5 I think the body of a five year old is just too soft to knock even one of their own out unless they were hit just right. Seems like you would almost NEED some head-to-head contact when spinning or one of the kids would have to hit their head on the floor. Otherwise I think they would be able to take the blow and get back up.

[cthomer5000]

Originally Posted by mckerney

I suddenly have the urge to watch Battle Royale.

Great movie. Also, no way that ever gets made in the U.S. in this day and age.