Survivor: New Helsing Tribal Thread

[Alan T]

A playoff limmerick:

Brady, Tomlinson and Mcnair
all play with a certain flair.
But Manning stepped in,
He knew how to win
to survive a first half patriot scare.

[Passacaglia]

I meant, I like your playoff haiku.

[Alan T]

I think I like the playoff theme more as I spend time thinking of poems. Anyone object to doing it on the playoffs?

[Grammaticus]

In the haiku we need to reference a season or natural (elements) word.....I think.

[Alan T]

Originally Posted by Grammaticus

In the haiku we need to reference a season or natural (elements) word.....I think.

Thats right, forgot about that.

[Tyrith]

The playoff theme also seems simple but quite workable to me. It gives us a lot of creativity to make differing kinds of snarky remarks -- we can still talk about Brady, Manning, Vinateri et all -- while keeping it board relevant. It also gives us the ability to stray a little more than the other topics might have.

[Alan T]

Twelve teams with one goal
to win in the bitter cold --
The Colts reign supreme.

[Grammaticus]

Haiku:

As the wind does blow
Across Joe Robbie stadium, I see
Colts reign supreme in Victory

[Grammaticus]

The winter day is long, yet short
Elway waites and is rewarded
A Superbowl champion he is awarded

[Grammaticus]

Or if you are concerned the Superbowl is not the playoffs:

The winter day is long, yet short
Elway waites and is rewarded
The drive and a trip to the show is awarded

[Passacaglia]

A haiku is 5/7/5, Gram.

[Alan T]

Playoffs never let us down
Lots of cheers, cries and frowns
Adam Vinateri kicking against old foes
Young Bears fans cheering on the pros
Offense is the key to the Saints win
Fumbling a snap was Romo's chagrin
Football played by the Eagles, Ravens and Bolts
Superbowl champs were the Colts

[Grammaticus]

Limerick:

From Stanford, there once was an Elway
He was stubborn and fancied himself king of the day
Rather a baseball whore
Than to play in Baltimore
A ticket to Denver and the post season he would play

[Grammaticus]

Originally Posted by Passacaglia

A haiku is 5/7/5, Gram.

Is that hard and fast? The site I read said it was approximately 5/7/5? If it is hard and fast, that will make this one more difficult, whew.

[Alan T]

The traditional Haiku is 5/7/5. Much westernized haiku doesn't follow that rule though, but Path asked in the challenge thread if its stuck to the 5/7/5 for the judging, but barkeep hasnt replied to it yet.

[Passacaglia]

Originally Posted by Grammaticus

Is that hard and fast? The site I read said it was approximately 5/7/5? If it is hard and fast, that will make this one more difficult, whew.

It sounds like there are variations, but 5/7/5 is what I think most elementary schools teach. Path asked Barkeep about it in the common thread, but he hasn't answered.

[Tyrith]

I'd stick to 5/7/5 haiku if you can.

The acrostic is pretty decent, but the last two lines feel kind of weak -- there's no real action behind them. I don't have any ideas on how to fix it, though, so maybe I should be quiet.

[Alan T]

Hmm how about this change:

Playoffs never let us down
Lots of cheers, cries and frowns
Adam Vinateri kicking against old foes
Young Chargers fans cheering on the pros
Offense is the key to the Saints win
Fumbling a snap was Romo's chagrin
Five turnovers were the Bears' demise
So we finally watched Manning claim the prize.

[Tyrith]

I like that ending much better. Only change might be to take the word "finally" out of the last line to make the tempo work better, but that's pretty good.

[Grammaticus]

1981 Chargers
Passing, running, the Chargers have great flair
Let the games begin, Coryell says “to the air”
An overtime win and the fins take a seat
Young Fouts presses on and with Cincy tastes defeat
Out of nowhere, new unis and all, came Kenny and crew
Fair Chargers score abound, yet on defense they are poo
For yet another season, the bolts must watch the show
Sad but true, the Chargers faithful reach for the hoe

[Alan T]

Ok, so if we are running with a 2006 playoff theme, looking at Lathum's poem from earlier. A few nitpicky things I have:

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The colts did the job in week one
and Romo became all thumbs
The eagles flew high
and the jets took a dive

Vinatieri shined bright in week two
and the Saints were led marching by Drew
Marty was Marty
and DA BEARS spoiled Hasselbecks party

Peyton took over week three
casting aside all the demons AND Tom Brady
Bears D came to play
and Reggie, Drew and Duece had to call it a day

then it was time for week four
Devon and the Bears sprinted through the door
Peyton didn't even bat an eye
And in the end of it all the Colts were riding high

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


You have a Couplet rhyming scheme which is AA BB CC DD EE FF GG. I could be wrong here, but I believe for couplets you need to split up the different Rhymes. So the last 4 lines would be:

Then it was time for week four
Devon and the Bears sprinted through the door

Peyton didn't even bat an eye
And in the end of it all the Colts were riding high.


I like the poem overall, and am fine going with it, the only real issue is the first four lines. THe part I bolded needs to rhyme. That would mean one <---> thumbs and high <---> dive need to rhyme with each other. Perhaps its my accent, but here I don't think they do. Maybe we can rewrite the first 4 lines a bit to rhyme closer. Those four words are close, but not rhymes I don't believe.

Something like this:

In week one the Chiefs were bums
and Romo became all thumbs

The eagles looked alive
and the jets took a dive.

[Alan T]

Another limmerick:

In Indy, they couldn't win the big game,
All of the fans thought it was ashame.
But Manning ran the board
and Dungy thanked the Lord,
all of the Bears fans said Rex was to blame.

[Alan T]

by the way, any criticism or comments I make is nothing personal. I know for my stuff I would love for other comments on how to fix it up. I'm just trying to help out.

I appreciate the effort people have put in with throwing out ideas for themes as well as putting together poems. This is much better than one of the teams (Don't remember which) who I think their thread has had 1 or 2 posts all day so far. I think if I was on that team i would be really frustrated by now.

[Grammaticus]

Oh, you want to go specifically with the 2006 playoffs.

[Alan T]

Originally Posted by Grammaticus

Oh, you want to go specifically with the 2006 playoffs.

Well was just basing it off of Lathum's original poem which was a break down of the 2006 playoffs. I figured that was a pretty broad topic that could be narrowed down on. If everyone wants to make it more open, then its fine with me. I only really have 2-3 more hours left of contribution though before I'll be busy most of the night. I mainly was just trying to figure what I could put out in that time.

[Tyrith]

I'd say 2006 because that's where a couple of the poems are going and having one thing out of a group not fit is likely to get noticed.

[Passacaglia]

I say 2006 -- it's more specific, and there's still plenty to work with.

[Alan T]

So based on a 2006 playoffs theme, this is what I have so far. Lathum, my apologies if you don't like, but I incorperated my changes to your poem. I don't know if I am happy with either of the Limmericks I wrote. The Limmerick is supposed to be funny, rough humor type of poem at times. Mine seem too standard and dull. Does anyone want to take a shot at a funny limmerick based on the 2006 playoffs? (or any of the other ones for that matter)

Limmericks:

#1
Brady, Tomlinson and Mcnair
all play with a certain flair.
But Manning stepped in,
He knew how to win
to survive a first half patriot scare.

#2
In Indy, they couldn't win the big game,
All of the fans thought it was ashame.
But Manning ran the board
and Dungy thanked the Lord,
all of the Bears fans said Rex was to blame.


Haikus

#1
Twelve teams with one goal
to win in the bitter cold --
The Colts reign supreme.

Acrostic:

#1
Playoffs never let us down
Lots of cheers, cries and frowns
Adam Vinateri kicking against old foes
Young Chargers fans cheering on the pros
Offense is the key to the Saints win
Fumbling a snap was Romo's chagrin
Five turnovers were the Bears' demise
So we watched Manning claim the prize.

Rhyming scheme:
#1
In week one the Chiefs were bums
and Romo became allthumbs

The eagles looked alive
and the jets took a dive.

Vinatieri shined bright in week two
and the Saints were led marching by Drew

Marty was Marty
and DA BEARS spoiled Hasselbecks party

Peyton took over week three
casting aside all the demons AND Tom Brady

Bears D came to play
and Reggie, Drew and Duece had to call it a day

then it was time for week four
Devon and the Bears sprinted through the door

Peyton didn't even bat an eye
And in the end of it all the Colts were riding high

[Tyrith]

The limericks are the only ones that really concern me, right now, as Alan mentioned. I really like the others, for the most part. The rhyming scheme poem has one line I think needs adjustment right now -- the "and Reggie, Drew, and Deuce had to call it a day." I'd get rid of one of the words, probably the first and, to make the line slightly shorter.

[Passacaglia]

How about getting rid of Drew? He was already mentioned earlier.

[Passacaglia]

And I agree about the limericks. Maybe something about black coaches? Or Tank Johnson?

[Tyrith]

That would also work, getting rid of the players makes it flow nicely as well.

[Passacaglia]

Heh, I was about to rip on hoopsguy for being in our thread, but it turns out he's not in this game! Whoops.

[Tyrith]

Personally it wouldn't surprise me if he was one of the judges. And if he is the kind of humor we have going on would work pretty decently, I think.

[Lathum]

alan,

I like the changes made
and all the plans we have laid
I enjoy the theme of 2006
and all our peoms are easy to fix

[Lathum]

dola- just a heads up it is snowing pretty hard here and they think we could lose power so if I dissapear thats where I went.

[Passacaglia]

Grammar nazi here...just in case such things count. My changes are in our team color, orange.

#1
Brady, Tomlinson and McNair
All play with a certain flair.
But Manning stepped in,
He knew how to win,
To survive a first half patriot scare.

#2
In Indy, they couldn't win the big game,
All of the fans thought it was a shame.
But Manning ran the board
And Dungy thanked the Lord,
All of the Bears fans said Rex was to blame.


Haikus

#1
Twelve teams with one goal
To win in the bitter cold --
The Colts reign supreme.

Acrostic:

#1
Playoffs never let us down
Lots of cheers, cries, and frowns
Adam Vinatieri kicking against old foes
Young Chargers' fans cheering on the pros
Offense is the key to the Saints' win
Fumbling a snap was Romo's chagrin
Five turnovers were the Bears' demise
So we watched Manning claim the prize.

Rhyming scheme:
#1
In week one the Chiefs were bums
And Romo became all thumbs

The Eagles looked alive
And the Jets took a dive.

Vinatieri shined bright in week two
And the Saints were led marching by Drew

Marty was Marty
And DA BEARS spoiled Hasselbeck's party

Peyton took over week three
Aasting aside all the demons AND Tom Brady

Bears D came to play
And Reggie, Drew and Duece had to call it a day

Then it was time for week four
Devin and the Bears sprinted through the door

Peyton didn't even bat an eye
And at the end of it all the Colts were riding high

[Passacaglia]

Doh, I forgot to fix "Deuce" in my changes.

[Passacaglia]

And maybe in the acrostic, offense *was* the key to the Saints' win.

[Passacaglia]

And I meant to make a capital C for Casting, not Aasting :P

[Lathum]

I would make a couple of small changes

ORIGINAL

In Indy, they couldn't win the big game,
All of the fans thought it was a shame.
But Manning ran the board
And Dungy thanked the Lord,
All of the Bears fans said Rex was to blame

.


CHANGED

Indy couldn't win the big game,
All of the fans thought it was a shame.
Manning ran the board
Dungy thanked the Lord,
All of the Bears fans said Rex was to blame.

[Alan T]

Just in case anyone didn't notice:

Originally Posted by Barkeep49

I would stick with the traditional format of 5/7/5 as the requirement. I applaud, and hope the judges recognize, the tribe(s) that go beyond even that in adherence to traditional forms.

So we want to make sure we stick strictly to haiku formatting and traditions probably.

I'm midway through writing another sonnet, but have been tied up on a conference call for a bit. I'll finish it up and submit it but I have no problem with Lathum's also. Just trying to toss in other possibilities. I think we really need a good funny limmerick though

[Alan T]

dola, thanks for the grammar changes Pass. I stink at Grammar

[Lathum]

So are we in agreement to go with everything BUT the limiriks includng the grammer changes?

[Alan T]

Sure, I'm ok with the rest. Trying to think of a limmerick, but this conf call keeps messing up my train of thought

[Lathum]

I have no problem with the one I referenced above

[Alan T]

There once was a tall QB named Drew,
who went to Dallas and played like poo.
Romo saved the day,
Cowboy saivour they say,
Until the extra point snap flew threw.

[Alan T]

err that should be flew through not threw.. .darn grammar.

[Lathum]

Originally Posted by Alan T

There once was a QB named Drew,
went to Dallas and played like poo.
Romo saved the day,
Cowboy saivour they say,
Until the extra point snap flew through.

small changes

[Passacaglia]

Sounds good, Alan. My one grammar change is to spell it as saviour.