Youth Sports Parents are Awful People #10,783

[Edward64]

Originally Posted by BYU 14

There should be absolutely zero tolerance for putting your hands on an athlete period, especially on an U9 youth football team.

In 32 years of HS Football I have zero complaints about my conduct as a coach. If I lost my mind tomorrow and smacked a kid in the head hard enough to knock him down, I would not only be fired, but pretty much blackballed from getting a job on another staff in this state, and that is how it should be. Arizona has had issues with coaches in years past using physical intimidation on players and there is no way that flies here anymore, no matter how good your record has been in the past.

If you aren't enough of a man to control your emotions, again especially in youth ball, where the focus should not be on winning, but developing athletes skills and passion for the game, then you don't deserve to hold a clipboard.

I generally believe in second chances. People make mistakes.

I like to know the context (has he done this before, under stress with kid in hospital, other parents think he's been a good coach other than for this one incident etc. ... whatever), is he remorseful and accept the bad he has done (seem to in the vid).

If he is an habitual offender, no question. If this is the first time, give him a path to get back into it after paying his dues.

[BYU 14]

Originally Posted by Edward64

I generally believe in second chances. People make mistakes.

I like to know the context (has he done this before, under stress with kid in hospital, other parents think he's been a good coach other than for this one incident etc. ... whatever), is he remorseful and accept the bad he has done (seem to in the vid).

If he is an habitual offender, no question. If this is the first time, give him a path to get back into it after paying his dues.

Absolutely none of that matters in this situation, sorry. Good coaches don't do that. Parents trust us to build men and foster an environment that their kids can learn and thrive in, not physically abuse them. In many cases we are surrogate parents to kids from abusive or broken homes who play sports to escape hellish lives, not have them accentuated and this is especially true at the school I coach at now.

Coaching is not a privilege it is a responsibility and we aren't held to a higher standard, we should set a higher standard. That may sound "holier than thou" and over the top, but that is the passion and commitment I have developed in my 3 decades as a coach. I am not saying the guys life should be ruined, I am saying he should not be allowed to coach because he obviously does not have the temperament to do it. He made a choice to coach that team, it is not like it is vital to his life's existence, so yes, he does deserve a second chance to redeem himself as a man, just not as a coach.

I get pissed off too. I have yelled at players and disciplined them, but never put my hands on them and when I do get in a players ass, I make sure before he leaves practice or the game that night that he knows I still care about him.

Context doesn't always matter, and as far as remorse his half ass apology video makes it pretty apparent he is sorry someone filmed him, not that he did it.

[BYU 14]

Originally Posted by molson

Guys, come on, stop bashing him.

And fuck that guy

[BYU 14]

And totally respect your opinion Edward, please don't think I am bashing you, those are just my personal feelings and yes, they are somewhat extreme, but I get a bit passionate on this subject

In the end I hope he truly does learn form his mistake and does better

[AlexB]

Originally Posted by Edward64

I generally believe in second chances. People make mistakes.

I like to know the context (has he done this before, under stress with kid in hospital, other parents think he's been a good coach other than for this one incident etc. ... whatever), is he remorseful and accept the bad he has done (seem to in the vid).

If he is an habitual offender, no question. If this is the first time, give him a path to get back into it after paying his dues.

Not that hitting a kid once is OK, but three times?

[Edward64]

Originally Posted by BYU 14

And totally respect your opinion Edward, please don't think I am bashing you, those are just my personal feelings and yes, they are somewhat extreme, but I get a bit passionate on this subject

In the end I hope he truly does learn form his mistake and does better

No problem, I didn't take it personally. I appreciate your POV, you have real life experiences as a coach.

I have known good people that made mistakes. Not like hitting a kid but still what I consider as pretty bad. Hence, I try to give second chances.

[21C]

I don't understand the apologists out there for this guy, including the kid's mother. Imagine the outcry if this had happened with a teacher in the classroom.

[BYU 14]

Originally Posted by Edward64

No problem, I didn't take it personally. I appreciate your POV, you have real life experiences as a coach.

And they have also been some of the best experiences of my life. Especially the very bottom picture, which was not about elation or disappointment as reflected in the first two pictures from different seasons.

Picture 3 is a post game picture of a game against our biggest rival at Westview, a hard fought 20-14 win that meant nothing in the context of what you see here. A player on the opposing team had lost his life in a tragic accident the week before. We had just completed an emotionally and physically draining game against a school there was never any love lost for.

But here, players, parents and coaches gathered at midfield to honor this young man, share words, a gift from our program to his parents and release balloons. Not rivals at this moment, but a brotherhood and a family. This, more than the score of any game I have coached in encompasses what all sports should always ultimately be about.

[Edward64]

Cool pics. Thanks for sharing.

[Lathum]

I’ve seen several comments on Facebook from BYUs former players. The guy definitely does it right and makes a different in these kids lives.

[miami_fan]

Originally Posted by 21C

I don't understand the apologists out there for this guy, including the kid's mother. Imagine the outcry if this had happened with a teacher in the classroom.

I think it is because it is football. It is the gladiator sport so what would be the big deal with a slap in the hand. You have to toughen the young man up. I am sure the same things happened to the coach and as you can see he turned out all right

[BYU 14]

Originally Posted by Lathum

I’ve seen several comments on Facebook from BYUs former players. The guy definitely does it right and makes a different in these kids lives.

Thank you my friend, I am far from perfect, but always strive to be a positive role model for the young men I am fortunate enough to work with.

[BYU 14]

Sigh, adults once again reaffirming that they are the worst part of youth sports.

https://www.kentucky.com/news/state/...252122338.html

And this is a T-Ball game for goodness sake.

[albionmoonlight]

I get so tired of the "those actions don't represent who I am as a person . . "

Just once, I'd like someone to admit, "Getting into an obscenity-filled fist fight at a T-ball game actually represents me as a person pretty well. But I'm working to get better."

[RainMaker]

Originally Posted by BYU 14

And this is a T-Ball game for goodness sake.

That's the wildest part. I didn't even know people cared about t-ball. Isn't it just 7-year-olds who have no clue what they are doing?

[AlexB]

Golden comment at the end from an outraged parent:

“This is a kid’s game!…. Now, where’s my fucking kid…?”

[BYU 14]

Originally Posted by RainMaker

That's the wildest part. I didn't even know people cared about t-ball. Isn't it just 7-year-olds who have no clue what they are doing?

Yes, 8 or younger and half the time all 10 out in the field chase the ball. It is the epitome of a fun sport to introduce kids to the game.

[BYU 14]

Originally Posted by AlexB

Golden comment at the end from an outraged parent:

“This is a kid’s game!…. Now, where’s my fucking kid…?”

I caught that too, classic

[Lathum]

Originally Posted by RainMaker

That's the wildest part. I didn't even know people cared about t-ball. Isn't it just 7-year-olds who have no clue what they are doing?

I coach my daughters 7 year olds softball team and yes, that is exactly right. all out parents were amazingly cool and supportive.

[miami_fan]

We had a minor altercation at the district title game for our 9-10 year old last night. One thing I learned from the last playoffs we had pre-covid. The encouraging friendly atmosphere of a intra league game disappears once you start competing inter league at the district, sectional, and state levels. Like screaming to distract a kid on the opposing team from catching a ball different.

[RainMaker]

Originally Posted by BYU 14

Yes, 8 or younger and half the time all 10 out in the field chase the ball. It is the epitome of a fun sport to introduce kids to the game.

That's what I remember. Pretty sure a coach could help the kid too if they needed it for swinging. It was more "kids are going to run around and kind of learn the rules" thing and not competitive at all.

I don't think the competitiveness started till actual pitching took place.

[Lathum]

Originally Posted by RainMaker

That's what I remember. Pretty sure a coach could help the kid too if they needed it for swinging. It was more "kids are going to run around and kind of learn the rules" thing and not competitive at all.

I don't think the competitiveness started till actual pitching took place.

My girls were 6-8. Coaches pitch, everyone bats every inning, no scores kept, the first few games no outs then we started calling outs to reward fielding but everyone still bats. I would rotate positions so each kid played every position. Rotate batting order. Last batter always hit a home run and rounded the bases. The complete opposite of competitive.

[Ksyrup]

Travel softball starts at 8U and there's no minimum age (well, within reason), and that is somewhere between rec ball and "putting out recruiting sheets for coaches." Both my kids played at 7 and the team Caitlin played for way back when was coached by a guy who started the team for his 5 year old.

[Ghost Econ]

My daughter (11) is doing local swim team for the first time this summer. It appears to exist only so parents can drink, otherwise absent dad's can wear t-shirts 2 sizes too small, and stepford mom's can wear bikini tops to show off their recent purchases.

[Breeze]

Originally Posted by Ghost Econ

My daughter (11) is doing local swim team for the first time this summer. It appears to exist only so parents can drink, otherwise absent dad's can wear t-shirts 2 sizes too small, and stepford mom's can wear bikini tops to show off their recent purchases.

Careful, if they like swimming and decide to take it up full time - it's a lifestyle more than a sport.

Our kids loved summer swim, but your assessment for most parents is DEAD ON!!!

[tarcone]

I hated sitting on an overcrowded pool deck while the meet went through every age group of an event before they moved to the next event. Nothing better then watching an 8 year old starting their race at 9 pm after sitting for 3 hours.

[Atocep]

Originally Posted by Ghost Econ

My daughter (11) is doing local swim team for the first time this summer. It appears to exist only so parents can drink, otherwise absent dad's can wear t-shirts 2 sizes too small, and stepford mom's can wear bikini tops to show off their recent purchases.

My first experience with youth competitive swimming was when I visited my wife's family in LA a couple of years ago. 8U swimming basically consisted of parents following their kids down the pool yelling instructions and encouraging them the entire way.

[Atocep]

I've probably mentioned this on here before, but in my experience 8-10u is probably the worst age range for parent and coach behavior in baseball. It can be incredibly rewarding to coach that age and then one incident with parents or opposing coaches can be bad enough to make you never want to do it again. On top of that, it's never just one incident. There are always fires to put out and something waiting to blow up.

I coached some really good teams and for the select organization I coached for I had probably less parent issues than anyone in any age group but I'm done. It became such a draining experience. My son's travel coach from 15-18u is the best coach I've seen at that age level and he's tried to get me back into it with younger kids now that my son is playing in college and I cannot do it again. I honestly don't know how I managed my time effectively before. I never experienced anything like what's on video here, but seen some shit. Umpires threatening to fight coaches, coaches wanting to fight umpires, parents drunk in the stands, cops escorting a parent from the field, a coach that thought it was OK to concealed carry while coaching 8u on a public school field, parents pull their kids from the dugout and leave because of playing time, I could spend a week writing down the ridiculous shit I've seen and I'm sure a lot of other people on here could as well.

[JonInMiddleGA]

Originally Posted by Ksyrup

Travel softball starts at 8U and there's no minimum age (well, within reason), and that is somewhere between rec ball and "putting out recruiting sheets for coaches." Both my kids played at 7 and the team Caitlin played for way back when was coached by a guy who started the team for his 5 year old.

I similarly "know" (only because an HS classmate posts pics of her grandson) that travel baseball starts at least as early as 5-6 now. And I believe that team has been together since age 4.

Aside from the often distant travel part nowadays, that's akin to what I grew up with. There was no "tee ball" in the early 70s, at least not around my part of the country, and no coach pitch either. We started, IIRC, at age 6 though teams were geographic at that point and the age range was something like 6-11 on a single team.

edit to add: I believe age 12 is where the county recreation league started at that time (I was born in '67 so you can work out the years I'm talking about if you want). And that was usually 4 teams deep. Over the years the age groups slowly got younger at the county level, eventually killing the "town ball" format in my county. 10 miles south the geographic format remained in use for Dizzy Dean at least into the late 80s / early 90s because I helped coach one of those teams & we played opponents in about a 20-25 mile range. (all same county, save for one that was literally on the county line)

[tarcone]

We started at 8, I believe, and it was 8 through 12 year olds. When I was 8 I remember hitting against a kid that looked like an adult. Ernie Brogla was his name. I swung and the damn fastball hit me in the pinkie finger, hurt extremely bad.

[JonInMiddleGA]

Funny thing: by age 6 (again, remember the era) at least half of those playing already knew the basics of strategy and such when they arrived. You didn't have to explain a suicide squeeze to the better half of the roster, didn't have to explain that picking dandelions in the field was a bad idea (cause your ass would be sitting down if you did it more than once), that you ran out everything.

Baseball, in my neck of the woods, was king. (no doubt in part because of a decades long tradition of sucking at football, but still)

Another oddity you might not expect: intergender baseball was common at that point. The first team I played on had as many as 4 girls at a time, including one of our two best players. Softball was still kind of niche as a youth sport and competition was scarce, so the better players often opted to play baseball instead. And nobody did much more than blink about it once or twice, the proof was in seeing our best female break up a doubleplay with a textbook hard slide. Again, that didn't have to be taught, she arrived knowing.

[miked]

I coach my son's summer team that is recreation, but they start tournament ball at 7 and some of these kids can BALL. We did coach pitch and no extra bases with errors/overthrows, only if the ball was hit to the outfield. The next league up (mostly 8 year olds and better 7 year olds) I heard was highly competitive with kids taking triples on ground balls...basically at this age their ability to throw directly and make the tag was low, so the goal is to run and make them make the play. Stupid.

[Atocep]

Originally Posted by miked

The next league up (mostly 8 year olds and better 7 year olds) I heard was highly competitive with kids taking triples on ground balls...basically at this age their ability to throw directly and make the tag was low, so the goal is to run and make them make the play. Stupid.

This is mostly how high end competitive baseball at that age works. With 60 foot bases it's rare to have players that can field a bunt and get the throw to 1st before a runner with any speed is safe. Add leadoffs and stealing (if the league or tournaments at that age allow it) and games are mostly about running the bases with no regard to actual baseball intelligence until the other team can make a play. Teams that abuse it brag about their records, but their kids don't know how to actually play the game and it shows as they get older.

[Ghost Econ]

So the last home swim meet just finished and they're having a pool party for the kids. It's currently 9:49. The moms are doing jello shots. I aged out of life way too early.

[Ghost Econ]

And the night ends at about 10:25 with an 8 year old bleeding profusely after cracking his head on the diving board. Some of us dad's ended up forming a wall while waiting on the EMTs to try and keep the panicked kids from seeing.

[Breeze]

Originally Posted by Ghost Econ

And the night ends at about 10:25 with an 8 year old bleeding profusely after cracking his head on the diving board. Some of us dad's ended up forming a wall while waiting on the EMTs to try and keep the panicked kids from seeing.

It's all fun and games until someone busts their head open.

I did that about 5 times as a kid, so I've been there. Assuming it was a matter of a few stiches?

Also, you still have a diving board??? They've all be removed from pools around here.

[Mota]

We always had the rich family host the pool party and Christmas party. Their kid wasn't nearly good enough to be at the rep level, but somehow kept making the team year after year until there was a major coaching shake up. But there are no politics in rep sports.

[JonInMiddleGA]

Originally Posted by Ghost Econ

So the last home swim meet just finished and they're having a pool party for the kids. It's currently 9:49. The moms are doing jello shots. I aged out of life way too early.

If there's ever a solid reason for copious alcohol consumption, a pool party for kids certainly seems to qualify

(I'm picturing a wet Chuck E. Cheese .. which is to say a wet version of Hell on Earth)

[Lathum]

Originally Posted by Breeze

[i]
Also, you still have a diving board??? They've all be removed from pools around here.

We have a diving board and one of those old school blue death slides...

[Mota]

Originally Posted by JonInMiddleGA

If there's ever a solid reason for copious alcohol consumption, a pool party for kids certainly seems to qualify

(I'm picturing a wet Chuck E. Cheese .. which is to say a wet version of Hell on Earth)

I think it becomes such a big part of your life, that it's just as much about you than it is for your kids. Maybe even more so. Often you don't even realize how it changes over the years.

[tarcone]

My favorite AAU team was the one with the girls all going to private school to play. Those parents could party. I mean 10 am drinking until 2 am.

Great group, a lot of fun.

[JonInMiddleGA]

Originally Posted by tarcone

My favorite AAU team was the one with the girls all going to private school to play. Those parents could party. I mean 10 am drinking until 2 am.

Great group, a lot of fun.

You can't drink all day if you don't start early.

[Lathum]

So the way my daughters softball game went today didn't sit well with me. She is 8, I coached last year and it was coach pitch.

This year she moved up to the next level and it is kids 8-10, with the kids pitching until they walk 3 batters then coach pitch.

I am not head coach this year as we have 2 teams and other dads wanted to. I am fine with that as I am really not wired to be youth sports coach dad. The head coach is a friend of mine, and he asked me to be assistant and of course I said I would.

I am coaching third base and he is trying to teach the kids signs. When to steal, when to go first to third, etc...So we had a kid on first and one on third. We get a hit through the hole on the right side. The girl on third forgot to run at first so I had to run to the bag and tell her to go. No problem, she runs home and scores. I look up and the head coach yells to me that I needed to signal to the girl on first, who is now on second, she should have gone to third. I was like, wTF, they are 8, and told him I was worried about getting the girl on third home because she had forgotten to run.

So the last inning, we are losing 9-6 and we are up for last licks. We get a couple girls on and the head coach comes over and says he wants to coach third base instead. I am like, ok, whatever. Then what he does is every hit ball he sends our kids around to try and score, which they do because again, they are 8-9 and boot the ball and throw it away and don't catch it. We end up winning 10-9. The other team starts chirping at out coach and the ump even says "they are 8" at which point the other assistant on my team tells the ump it's his job to call balls and strikes.

The whole "win at all costs" really didn't sit well with me. If it wasn't for the kids I would bail out. I don't need someone telling me how I messed up coaching third base for an 8 year old softball and I'm not sure I want to be a part of winning at the expense of other kids inability to catch the ball.

[JonInMiddleGA]

Originally Posted by Lathum

I'm not sure I want to be a part of winning at the expense of other kids inability to catch the ball.

Then you definitely shouldn't be coaching.

If they can't execute you don't owe them a win. And you damned sure don't owe your own kids a loss because you're trying to be nice.

[Lathum]

They are eight. If they remember what base to throw the ball to that’s a victory. I’m not a fan of taking the fun out of the game for kids, regardless of what team they are on. I think win at all cost coaches are far worse for the kids at that age. They easily could have done the same thing to us but we waited until the last inning so they couldn’t.

[JonInMiddleGA]

Originally Posted by Lathum

They are eight. If they remember what base to throw the ball to that’s a victory. I’m not a fan of taking the fun out of the game for kids, regardless of what team they are on. I think win at all cost coaches are far worse for the kids at that age. They easily could have done the same thing to us but we waited until the last inning so they couldn’t.

WTF is going on that 8 y/o can't make at least occasional plays?

There is no worse disservice to kids than not giving them a legal chance to win, enroll them in an exercise class rather than a competitive sport if that's the attitude.

I'm glad mine aged out and I'd pray that I never have grandkids who play that I have to watch. Not sending runners when they could score would land me in prison.

[cuervo72]

Yeah, I mean it seems like kind of a dick move, but I'm pretty sure we had coaches who would test you at that age (also had coaches who would bat their shortest players leadoff and never have them swing....)

I want to say that when I played 8yo were grouped in with 10yo as it was. (Or in my case 7, because I got the shaft birthday-wise.) It was still on the smaller 60ft base field, but we were generally expected to execute. (The younger kids would typically start in the OF, then move to the IF as you got older.)

[Lathum]

What’s going on is they are 8 year old girls. They sometimes make the play, but they also can’t throw the ball across the diamond. You could take advantage almost every time the ball is put in play. IMO eight year old softball isn’t what I would consider a competitive sport. They don’t even have a grasp of the basics.

[JonInMiddleGA]

Originally Posted by Lathum

What’s going on is they are 8 year old girls. They sometimes make the play, but they also can’t throw the ball across the diamond. You could take advantage almost every time the ball is put in play. IMO eight year old softball isn’t what I would consider a competitive sport. They don’t even have a grasp of the basics.

Maybe this just isn't a sort of league I'm familiar with.

Even at the rec level - i.e. disregarding full-time travel teams -- everywhere I'm familiar with is competitive by that age, not always very good to be sure, but the basics are intact for enough players that the game is recognizable. Maybe those exist, I just don't have anyone involved with them to be aware of it.

[Lathum]

Most of the kids are coming off their first year which was coach pitch in the spring and this was only the second game. We have rules such as after three walks a coach pitches and 5 runs max per inning. I just don’t like that our coach waited until the final half inning to play that way and took over third base coaching duties to do it. Would be different if we played that way from the start and gave them a chance to also play that way.