The thread for Strange News Stories

[mckerney]

Judge: Landlords can't stop men standing to pee - The Local

[mckerney]

Lolita Grayson, Alan Grayson, bigamy, and breast implants.

Congressman Alan Grayson, a central Florida Democrat, is involved in a legal dispute with his wife Lolita in which he contends their 1990 marriage was invalid because she was married to another man at the time. On Wednesday a legal proceding in the case was delayed because, Lolita Grayson's lawyer says, Lolita Grayson has just gone undergone emergency surgery to repair her breast implants. Also: That attorney, Mercedes Wechsler, wants to quit the case because Lolita Grayson—who, as I just mentioned, is accused of having too many husbands—has too many lawyers.

[PilotMan]

Texas boy suspended after bringing 'ring of power' to school - NY Daily News

Kermit Elementary School officials called it a threat when the 9-year-old boy, Aiden Steward, in a playful act of make-believe, told a classmate he could make him disappear with a ring forged in fictional Middle Earth’s Mount Doom.

The family moved to the Kermit Independent School District only six months ago, but it’s been nothing but headaches for Aiden. He’s already been suspended three times this school year.

Two of the disciplinary actions this year were in-school suspensions for referring to a classmate as black and bringing his favorite book to school: "The Big Book of Knowledge."

[Lathum]

Police: 6-year-old boy 'kidnapped' for being too nice to strangers - CNN.com

WTF is wrong with some people

[mckerney]

Charles Manson wedding off after it emerges that fiancee Afton Elaine Burton 'just wanted his corpse for display'

Serial killer Charles Manson's supposed budding romance with a woman 53 years his junior has been allegedly exposed as a money-making scheme.

According to journalist Daniel Simone, 27-year old Afton Elaine Burton, now known as Star, was hoping that she would gain possession of Manson's corpse through marriage so she and a couple of friends could put it on display in a glass case in LA.

They apparently thought the Lenin's Tomb-esque attraction would draw a huge number of visitors and make a lot of money.

But Manson, 80, apparently got wind of the plan and now no longer wants to marry Burton.

"He's finally realized that he's been played for a fool," Simone told The NY Post.

The tourist attraction was also something of a non-starter because Manson believes he is immortal.

"He feels he will never die," Simone added. "Therefore, he feels it’s a stupid idea to begin with."

Manson and Burton's marriage license expired on Thursday, though Burton apparently remains hopeful that it will be renewed.

Perhaps Manson had the last laugh though - Simone claims he never intended to marry and was stringing Burton and her friends along with the prospect of a wedding as they continued to bring him toiletries and other items.

[Galaxy]

Walmart fight caught on camera in Texas | abc7.com

(Video is NSFW.)


LA PORTE, Texas -- A video is making its rounds on social media that shows a tax worker and a customer getting into a violent fight inside of a Walmart.

"Take your poor (expletive) out this store," Alice Kenner, a Jackson Hewitt tax worker, could be heard saying to a customer on video. "Your momma is a (expletive)."

The customer, Jessica Albitz, is then seen head-butting the tax worker. Keener is then seen fighting back. She takes Albitz by the head and starts banging it on a table nearby. Keener then slams Albitz to the floor.

Albitz told Eyewitness News that the two got in a verbal spat a day earlier when Albitz and her husband went to the Jackson Hewitt tax booth inside Walmart to file their taxes. Albitz was not their tax worker, but was just clocking in to work.

"She came in in a bad mood, and so she took it out on us," said Albitz. "She was very rude to us."

Albitz said she and her husband left without incident. She said she came back to the Walmart the next day to shop, and that's when she ran into Keener again. Albitz said Keener mumbled a profanity at her.

"I turn around and said, 'excuse me,'" said Albitz. "I did say something back. She came out of her cubicle and followed me to the entrance."

The argument got out of control, Ablitz said. She showed Eyewitness News a knot on her forehead from the headbutt and a huge bruise on her elbow. A trespassing warning was given to her by police when the fight was over.

In the video, Keener is heard yelling out that Albitz was the instigator.

"You better get her. You better get her. She coming in here messing with me. I'm at work," Kenner says in the video.

Eyewitness News has learned that Keener also works as an EMS billing representative for the City of La Porte. Eyewitness News made several efforts to speak with Keener, but Keener has not responded to our requests.

Jackson Hewitt released the following statement on Tuesday:

Jackson Hewitt has a long-standing history of being an advocate and resource for our clients and this incident is completely inconsistent with our values. Jackson Hewitt and our independent owner-operators share a commitment to the well-being and fair treatment of all people. We strive to offer a safe and positive work environment for both our employees and the clients we serve. We do not tolerate harassment, discrimination or violence in any capacity. The tax preparer has been placed on administrative leave as we investigate this matter.

[mckerney]

Akron, Ohio, Police Seek Man Who Defecated on 19 Cars - NBC News

[molson]

I like the part about how the pooping tore the neighborhood apart because everyone suspected everyone else. I mean, if this happened in my neighborhood, there's definitely a specific person or two I'd suspect.

[britrock88]

The article is great. "Managed to catch the suspect with his pants down"... "Another resident pooh-poohed the man's behavior"...

[mckerney]

Florida Man Suspected of Using Private Plane to Draw Giant Radar Penis http://t.co/gajvUC7WpQ pic.twitter.com/Ks45edra2M

— Florida Man (@_FloridaMan) March 13, 2015

[Galaxy]

Police say naked man standing in doorway is not breaking law; neighbors are fed up | The Charlotte Observer The Charlotte Observer

[mckerney]

Tough Guy Principal Makes Student With Downs and Autism Take Off His Letterman Jacket Because He Didn’t Earn It - Barstool Sports

[NobodyHere]

'God' Accused Of Attacking Cop, Having Sex With Tree

I guess God favors Wiccans.

[cartman]

Town is pondering changing their motto from "The Land of Rape and Honey"

Our apologies...

[mckerney]

China Says Please Stop Hiring Funeral Strippers - China Real Time Report - WSJ

[NobodyHere]

The Naked Gun comes to life!

Oops: City Councilman Wears Hot Mic To Bathroom, Pees

[lighthousekeeper]

Mystery Man Found Decomposing In Car Had More Than 1,200 Guns, Cash, Underwater Car « CBS Sacramento


Reads like a Sons of Anarchy plot line.

[Chief Rum]

Originally Posted by lighthousekeeper

Mystery Man Found Decomposing In Car Had More Than 1,200 Guns, Cash, Underwater Car « CBS Sacramento


Reads like a Sons of Anarchy plot line.

Underwater car?

[JPhillips]

Two Michigan state reps create the perfect plan to conceal their affair.

State Rep. Todd Courser planned the distribution of a fictional email alleging he had sex with a male prostitute in a bid to conceal his relationship with Rep. Cindy Gamrat, according to audio recordings obtained by The Detroit News.

Courser, a Lapeer Republican, said on one recording the email was designed to create “a complete smear campaign” of exaggerated, false claims about him and Gamrat so a public revelation about the legislators’ relationship would seem “mild by comparison.” . . .

A now-former House aide recorded Courser in mid-May directing him to send Republican activists and operatives an email that would appear to be from an anonymous political enemy that said Courser had been “caught behind a Lansing nightclub” having sex with a man.

During the May 19 meeting, Courser instructed Graham to send rank-and-file Republicans across Michigan what he called “an over-the-top story that’s obscene about me.” It was designed, Courser said on the recording, to “inoculate the herd” — an apparent reference to Courser and Gamrat’s followers in the tea party movement.

“It will make anything else that comes out after that — that isn’t a video — mundane, tame by comparison,” Courser, a married father of four, told Graham.

“I need a controlled burn,” said the lawmaker, who used the term three times during the meeting.

[Chief Rum]

So that isn't Onion piece?

[Critch]

Isil jihadist Omar Hussain complains of rude Arabs who steal his shoes and can't queue

[cuervo72]

That reads like an Onion story.

[thesloppy]

My favorite recent local article:

Robbery turns into stick fight at Portland pot cart

I stumbled on some article about the weed cart yesterday, and I was all "Whaaa?", so I went to look it up and there were a few articles about the weed cart's appearance a couple weeks ago, then a couple about "is Portland weed cart illegal?" from last week, and then finally weed cart stick fight. The cycle of life.

I also like this quote from another article:

“There’s nothing they can do if someone’s 21. I heard it on the radio,” he said. “I checked all the laws there’s nothing they can do.”



ALL the laws, dog. He checked them.

[mckerney]

Florida Senate candidate admits to sacrificing goat, drinking its blood - Orlando Sentinel

[Dutch]

Wiz Khalifa cited for public urination in Pittsburgh, police say | Fox News

[JPhillips]

Man tries to put out garbage fire by driving over it in a van loaded with ammunition

[PilotMan]

Dad Learns That Unborn Twin 'Fathered' His Son - Yahoo News

[sabotai]

Mystery ghost fleet washes up in Japan as 11 ships containing 20 dead sailors are found | Daily Mail Online

A fleet of 11 ghost ships containing the rotting remains of sailors has washed up on the Japanese coastline, sparking an investigation in the country.

The mysterious ships have given rise to numerous conspiracy theories in the country, as authorities battle to discover the identities of the bodies.

Rescuers told Japanese broadcaster NHK that the bodies of at least 20 sailors were ‘badly decomposed’ and ‘skeleton-like’.

[NobodyHere]

Gollum Experts Called In for Case Involving Turkey's Erdogan - NBC News

I just had a Nerdgasm

[lighthousekeeper]

County Closes Schools Over Geography Lesson on Islam

I fucking hate what has happened to this country.


Meanwhile, my daughter was taught in 5th grade history class this year (public school) that Moses and the exodus were historical facts. Needless to say, schools were not shut down because of that.

[BishopMVP]

Concord Cheese Parade draws hundreds - News - The Concord Journal - Concord, MA

This is 3 doors down from my (parents) house and the guy started doing it back when I was in high school. Every time I get depressed about politics or the news I remember this is the real America - where people gather to watch Revolutionary War Re-enactors and a marching band escort a horse-drawn carriage with a 400 pound wheel of cheese on it. (I also NEED to find out if the protestors were real or just making fun of protestors in general.)

[BishopMVP]

Originally Posted by lighthousekeeper

County Closes Schools Over Geography Lesson on Islam

I fucking hate what has happened to this country.

So many more questions, such as what does calligraphy have to with geography?

[NobodyHere]

Originally Posted by NobodyHere

Gollum Experts Called In for Case Involving Turkey's Erdogan - NBC News

I just had a Nerdgasm

[NobodyHere]

German police: Blast debris kills man in condom machine robbery

[mckerney]

The man with a bionic penis will lose his virginity to a dominatrix who ran for parliament

For anyone curious about how it works.

The 8in penis is powered by two tubes and inflates when he presses a button on his testicle.

In an interview with the Sun newspaper, Mr Abad said: "When you want a bit of action you press the 'on' button. When you are finished you press another button. It takes seconds. Doctors have told me to keep practising."

[EagleFan]

Originally Posted by mckerney

The man with a bionic penis will lose his virginity to a dominatrix who ran for parliament

I think you just won this thread.

[lighthousekeeper]

Russian Offical Charged With Stealing Road

[Thomkal]

Human trials will test freeze-dried poop pills as a weight-loss treatment - ScienceAlert

[stevew]

Originally Posted by Thomkal

Human trials will test freeze-dried poop pills as a weight-loss treatment - ScienceAlert

I dunno, the science on this seems interesting to follow. I know it sounds gross but if gut microbes(and the lack of a good balance of them) are partially the cause of health issues it's worth pursuing.

(almost started a thread on this btw)

[NobodyHere]

Originally Posted by Thomkal

Human trials will test freeze-dried poop pills as a weight-loss treatment - ScienceAlert

I just lost my appetite.

[EagleFan]

Originally Posted by NobodyHere

I just lost my appetite.

See, it works!!!

[whomario]

Drug traffickers get high and call the cops to turn themselves in. Here's the 911 call - East Idaho News

[Critch]

Passenger enjoys entire plane to himself on Philippines Airlines flight

[Thomkal]

Fossilized Daddy Longlegs Found Baring Its Manhood - D-brief

[AlexB]

Qualifier: this story was posted on 1st April, but in the afternoon, and hasn't been taken down, so giving it the benefit of the doubt...

Children 'point' the way to suspected burglars on the run - BBC News

[NobodyHere]

High Elf, High on Acid, Attacks Woman's BMW With a Sword

When will people learn that reading Lord of the Rings and The Silmarrilion is dangerous.

[thesloppy]

Originally Posted by NobodyHere

High Elf, High on Acid, Attacks Woman's BMW With a Sword

When will people learn that reading Lord of the Rings and The Silmarrilion is dangerous.

As soon as I read that headline my brain said "Portland?". Yes, Portland. The intersection in the article's picture is all of 5 blocks down the road.

[vex]

Time Traveler steals bacon from Arby's

Police: Man claiming to be from the future steals food from Arby's

[vex]

Birthday party for pothole gets Mississippi city to take action | Fox News


Brilliant.

[JPhillips]

In September, in the shadow of the historic battlefield here, twins Rebecca and Ruth Brown opened Civil War Tails, possibly America’s most whimsical war museum.

Their collection of scale-model battle dioramas includes Fort Sumter, the Battle of the Ironclads and their masterpiece, four years in the making, Pickett’s Charge, 1,900 cat soldiers in all.

Yes, cats, an inch or smaller, each one lovingly sculpted in clay by the 32-year-old sisters, then baked in a 225-degree oven. The choice of figurine was born of necessity more than devotion, although the sisters like cats plenty. “We just don’t make clay people as well as cats,” Rebecca says.

https://www.washingtonpost.com/enter...3e7_story.html