OT: The Joy of Parenting (or lack thereof)

[CraigSca]

Originally Posted by Breeze

Craig,

One thing I just thought of, my son used to do some of the same things you're referring to with regards to work. He would rip through some things, then all of sudden stop and say he didn't want to do it. We've found out that one of the reasons for that is that he's a bit of a perfectionist. He doesn't want to make a mistake in front of anyone - so rather than risk getting an answer wrong, he simply choses not to answer at all. We've worked with him on understanding that making mistakes is how we learn and get smarter and it has helped tremendously. Might want to investigate it - can't hurt.

Yeah, he goes through that as well. When he can't do something absolutely perfect he will have a complete meltdown. It's not as bad as it used to be, but it's still on the abnormal side.

BTW - one of my favorite books growing up was the Rats of NIHM (or however it's spelled).

[hhiipp]

Craig,
The audio clip you posted earlier sounded wayyy too much like Junior Healey from the "Problem Child" movies.

I don't really have anything to add other than I hope you and yours figure out a way to cope with this and still manage to lead relatively happy lives.

[CraigSca]

Yet another update. My wife called the therapist again last night and asked to speak to whoever is covering for her over her vacation. A supervisor called back (who apparently is a therapist himself) and said he was on his way to pick his son up from football practice but would give us a call first thing in the morning and have us in that day. We then scrambled to have someone watch our kids in the waiting room so we could speak to the therapist ourselves. Finally, my mother agreed to come to the doctor's office in the morning and help us out.

Today begins...we first have our son write letters of apology to the kids he had problems with yesterday. We then made him do his schoolwork and make it a school-like environment for him the rest of the day. Though he complained, I repeatedly told him he will not be rewarded in any way for his behavior at school (being home was reward enough). Still waiting for the supervisor to call...

Finally, at 11am I call their office again and ask to speak to him. I'm told he's not in and she's not sure when he'll be in. WTF?! The guy promises to call us back and have us in this morning and there's no word from him?! Unbelieveable.

Flash forward to now...we have still yet to receive a call. Lovely. In the interim, my wife has contacted someone from the local Autism Society and we made an appointment tomorrow with a developmental pediatrician who they recommended. For the first time in the history of the world a supposed GOOD doctor is less than 45 mins away (he's actually about 2 mins away - woohoo!).

We like our current therapist but we're beginning to realize her behavior may be endemic of their entire office - no callbacks and no heads-up regarding vacations and no supervisor communication today. We just need someone more hands-on and available to us when the crap hits the fan like it has this week.

[JonInMiddleGA]

Originally Posted by CraigSca

(he's actually about 2 mins away - woohoo!).

I can sooooo relate to your excitement about that, it really does make a difference when doctor appt's & the like don't turn into all day affairs.

[Samdari]

Originally Posted by CraigSca

autism and its traits usually become apparent to the parent by age 2 or 3...when innoculations take place

Nate has had at least 10 so far, starting at age 2 months.

Did your son really not get innoculated until age 2?

[CraigSca]

Originally Posted by Samdari

Nate has had at least 10 so far, starting at age 2 months.

Did your son really not get innoculated until age 2?

Oh sorry - I didn't make myself clear. Both my kids have had all their recommended vaccinations from day one (and continue to do so). The point I was (unsuccessfully) trying to make is that autistic traits usually become apparent at the age of 18 months (that's when the things they have already learned will begin to regress). When the parent sees the child regressing they will correspond this with the recent vaccinations - what other major event in the child's life COULD cause this?

Personally, I believe it's merely coincidental and autism's timing is just another mystery that we know very little about. Conspiracy theorists, however, believe it has to do with the 18 month vaccinations.

[duckman]

Craig, how is your son coming along?

This past weekend my ex-wife told me that Matthew may have Asperger's Syndrome. She took him to a doctor that specializes in autism and they are doing the preliminary stuff to determine if he has it. I've been reading up on it and it almost describes him to a tee. His doctor is supposed to talk to me in the near future about his behavior when he is at home.

It definitely makes sense why he behaves the way he does.

[Breeze]

Originally Posted by duckman

...

This past weekend my ex-wife told me that Matthew may have Asperger's Syndrome...

We went through an initial diagnosis of Asperger's with our first child. However, we felt the indication that he had this syndrome was inaccurate because their were too many personality traits that contradicted this diagnosis. In our case, our child wasn't very social in class, didn't stay focused on his work, wasn't real good on picking up on social queues, wasn't very emotional, and seemed to hyperfocus on a single topic (at that point it was the human body).What we noticed from home was: he was plenty social with other kids in a one on one situation, he related better to older kids, he was extremely loving and caring to both my wife, his siblings and me, and his hyperfocus would change to a new topic once his grasp of the previous one was reached to his satisfaction. We realized he did have issues, but we just felt the Asperger's lable was wrong and could eventually lead to inappropriate treatments.

We've since had him tested twice and both diagonis support what I felt was the problem all along, he's actually ADHD (actually EXTREMELY ADHD - to the point the psychiatrist put in his record "he's hyper for the hyperactive children I test on regular basis") and he's also extremely bright. She went on to explain that the hyperactivity cause him to be distracted easly, especially in large groups (like a classroom), and he's so bright that he isn't interested in the work that it put in front of him on a daily bases - so his mind wanders, plus he's more mentally on a level with kids that are older, thus he relates better to them.

The psychologist also suggested (and this is why I'm telling you all this) that Asperger's diagnosis has really become flavor of the week and that it has often become a catch all for kids with issues like I described above, but that often those symptoms can be applied to numerous other causes. She went on to comment that true Asperger's is very rare, and that she's seen numerous children that were tagged Asperger's that didn't have the syndrome, but that if a child has problems, typically there are enough sympotoms, especially in little boys that if a doctors wants to make an Asperger's diagnosis he can. A lady in our school system here, that deals with special needs children said virtually the same thing to my wife after Brett (my oldest) showed significant improvement relating to peers this year in school.

You're taking your son to a specialist, but I'd still keep an eye out for things that contadict Asperger's Syndrome - just to make sure that the actions you're taking to help your son, are the right ones. Regardless of the outcome, your family is in my prayers and I'm available if you'd like to discuss anything, I know what you're going through, I've been dealing with the issues you're addressing now for over 18 months.

[CraigSca]

It's funny how things flip/flop. At one time (and I believe it still is) ADHD was the flavor of the month. While my son is not dead-on Asperger's it's still the diagnosis that we see as being most accurate. As they say with any kind of diagnosis that's psychological "everyone's a little different". So, while my son cannot tell you everything about 1800's trains, he does have some definite, over-the-top interests.

Things are "okay" here. For whatever reason, there are just some days where Mr. Grumpy rears his ugly head and today is one of them. Everything stinks and everything is awful today. We still try to place our finger on what exactly is causing this (not enough sleep? too much sleep? anything we're missing?).

He's still a challenge for us at times, but overall things are better. We still take him to therapy once a week so he can understand normal, everyday interactions as well as the understanding of the perspectives of other people. We recently went over what to do when you hurt someone during playtime. Another thing we're working on is the whole "beggars can't be choosers" concept.

We're also taking him to a neurologist once a month. This came about due to some issues we were having a few months ago - his tantrumming was at an all-time high, he hated school, had no friends, etc. The doctor recommended Risperdal for us, which we give him only when he's having a particularly bad day (Mr. Grumpy). Our concern was that he was beginning to feel alienated from the other kids in class, hated school, etc., and he's only in first grade. It's seem to have helped - we were worried that a downward spiral of self-loathing, "I'm different", etc., would begin to show up in other parts of his life.

Not sure if I mentioned this earlier, but we also had an IEP done at school with his guidance counselor, school psychiatrist, teachers and that helped get everyone on the same page. They give us progress reports daily (happy or unhappy faces on a piece of paper) to let us know what's working, what's not, etc. People still don't get it, anyway - so it's good to have constant interaction between us and the people he works with everyday. He's also in the mentoring program at school - he gets out of class to read higher level books (in his normal class they're still reading books like "See Spot run") which gives him a break from the monotony.

It's tough - has been, and still is. However, things are definitely better, and there are many more times you just see a kid who has difficulty understanding others but is working through it. Sure, nothing is normal here (whatever that means), but we all are armed with a wealth of information, and about 8 years of tactics that have worked (along with a much larger list of things that haven't).

If you ever want to talk to someone, I'm here as well.

[oliegirl]

I'm so happy to hear that things are improving for your son! I can't imagine what it's like to go through something like that and not be able to fix it without lots of medication/trial and error and energy. Good luck with things continuing to improve!

[Breeze]

We are on an IEP as well, and we are having Brett pulled out for additional work too. We also get a worksheet on progress, and originally we were getting (rainy, sunny, cloudy) day, but we ask for more detail and now we are getting a (1/2/3) scale for each period of the day, applied to issues that he has problems with (like - does tasks the first time asked and keeps hands to himself). Plus he gets graded at the end of each period so he knows how he did and the teacher can reinforce the good aspect or request a better effort in the next period. This has helped us tremendously because he gets feedback on his behavior when it's more fresh in his mind. Brett now takes more responsibility for his actions, and in fact, we've just finished our 2nd all 3 week in a row. Another thing the breaking down by periods allowed us to discover was times of the day when we have more problems and areas of learning where he's either so far advanced that he's bored or it's something he's not really interested in (in our case Music - he'll often have a bad report from Music, but we've decided as long as the bad report is for not participating, and it's not for bothering others - we'll let it slide. If the child doesn't want to play an instrument or sing, we aren't going to make him).

[duckman]

It's good hear that your boy is doing so well. I know you were struggling with it a few months back, but you seem to have a better grasp of the situation than you did.

Originally Posted by Breeze

In our case, our child wasn't very social in class, didn't stay focused on his work, wasn't real good on picking up on social queues, wasn't very emotional, and seemed to hyperfocus on a single topic (at that point it was the human body).

Matthew has these problems as well. He also not very coordinated and walks in a stiff legged/bouncy fashion. He becomes so focus on something that he will wait too long to use the restroom and will have an accident. I had to a cooking timer in the room and set it to go off every 90 minutes in order for him to go to the bathroom. We joke around a lot in our family, but he rarely gets that we are joking. He takes everything very literal. He is also exceptionally bright. He is reading at a 6th grade level despite being in the 2nd grade. I don't know if it is Asperger's Syndrome, but he has a lot of the markers for it.

Thanks to both of you guys. I'll be sure to have him looked at for other possible problems (if my ex-wife is willing to listen).

[CraigSca]

Btw, guys I just started reading a book called "The curious incident of the dog in the night-time" by Mark Haddon. It's written by a guy who works with autistic children, and it's written entirely from an autistic boy's point of view. The prose, even how he numbers the chapters (he only uses prime numbers). It gives great insight into the workings of the autistic mind and lets you step into that world. Really excellent reading and has received many, many great reviews (Boston Globe, New York Times, San Francisco Chronicle, etc.)

[CraigSca]

Ugh.

[JeeberD]

How's he doing?

This thread is much more interesting to me now as a father of a 6 year old boy than it was to the unmarried, 28 year old overgrown kid I was when you first posted it.