Survivor: New Helsing Tribal Thread

[Alan T]

Some other things I wonder.. is it more advantageous to get our stuff in earlier or later. Would it hurt us if another team is using a similar theme if we put our stuff out there after them. Would it hurt us to put our stuff out earlier where it gives others ideas?

[Passacaglia]

I like Lathum's idea of getting rid of 'tall' as well -- I'm indifferent to whether or not 'who' should stay.

[Alan T]

I think who needs to be in there. Is it supposed to be whom or who there though? Without that word it sounds awkward.

[Alan T]

Also do you all like this limerick better than the other two? I just don't know if its as funny as I would like is all.

[Lathum]

I don't see how the timing would hurt. I think we should select one person responsible for posting the final product when we are done so someone is responsible. Alan, will you be around?

[Lathum]

any objections to Alan posting the final product?

[Alan T]

I am heading home from work in a bit, but I will be around until deadline tonight. I just won't have as much poetry writing time when I get home tonight.

Last night I was already getting weird looks for looking for football players in hula hoops. She'll think I've really changed if suddenly I come home writing poetry.

I would like to hear more input from Mr.W who I see in the thread now, and more stuff from gramm too when he gets back. Gramm was writing some good stuff earlier on. I don't want to leave him out.

[Mr. Wednesday]

I have no objections.

I'm not sure if I like any of the limericks better than the others. With the current one, I like the rhythm better if you don't drop the "who" on line 2.

[Tyrith]

I think we should wait as long as possible to post. I could be around until 5 CST or so.

[Mr. Wednesday]

Haiku FYI:

I would stick with the traditional format of 5/7/5 as the requirement. I applaud, and hope the judges recognize, the tribe(s) that go beyond even that in adherence to traditional forms.

[Alan T]

So right now this is our current top choices for each with the grammar and other wording changes:

Limerick:

There once was a QB named Drew,
Who went to Dallas and played like poo.
Romo saved the day,
Cowboy saivour they say,
Until the extra point snap flew through.


Haiku:


Twelve teams with one goal
To win in the bitter cold --
The Colts reign supreme.

Acrostic:


Playoffs never let us down
Lots of cheers, cries, and frowns
Adam Vinatieri kicking against old foes
Young Chargers' fans cheering on the pros
Offense was the key to the Saints' win
Fumbling a snap was Romo's chagrin
Five turnovers were the Bears' demise
So we watched Manning claim the prize.

Rhyming scheme:

In week one the Chiefs were bums
And Romo became all thumbs

The Eagles looked alive
And the Jets took a dive.

Vinatieri shined bright in week two
And the Saints were led marching by Drew

Marty was Marty
And DA BEARS spoiled Hasselbeck's party

Peyton took over week three
Casting aside all the demons AND Tom Brady

Bears D came to play
And Reggie, Drew and Deuce had to call it a day

Then it was time for week four
Devin and the Bears sprinted through the door

Peyton didn't even bat an eye
And at the end of it all the Colts were riding high

[Alan T]

Originally Posted by Tyrith

I think we should wait as long as possible to post. I could be around until 5 CST or so.

I am heading home in like 5 minutes. but will be back around 5:45pm EST until deadline.

[Grammaticus]

Here is a Limerick

There once was a Manning from Indy
His performance was grand, like the triple lindy
He took the snap
And said with a slap
That Grossman chap throws like a girl named Wendy

[Passacaglia]

Some more changes, Alan.

In the limerick, spell it "saviour"

In the acrostic, get rid of the orange in my commas.

In the rhyming scheme poem, be consistent with periods -- either get rid of the one after the second couplet, or put one at the end of each couplet.

[Passacaglia]

Although, as for limericks, I still like the one where Indy couldn't win the big game best.

[Grammaticus]

Here is another option:

2006 Bears
Playing with heart, the Bears win with defensive flair
Let the game begin, Lovie says “pray for us Bears” do not dispair
An overtime win and the fowl hawks take a seat
Young Grossman presses on and Da Bears drop the Aints with heat
Out of the driving rain, came Peyton Manning and crew
Fair Bears drop the ball abound and play D like poo
For yet another year, it’s the Cubs for the windy city
Sad but true, Bears fans must now watch the 85 Super Bowl diddy

[Grammaticus]

What is our plan on finalizing and posting in the challenge thread?

[Passacaglia]

I think we're set with what was in Alan's post. Just waiting on him to get back, which should be any minute now..

[Passacaglia]

Originally Posted by Passacaglia

Some more changes, Alan.

In the limerick, spell it "saviour"

In the acrostic, get rid of the orange in my commas.

In the rhyming scheme poem, be consistent with periods -- either get rid of the one after the second couplet, or put one at the end of each couplet.

Actually, dictionary.com lists both savior and saviour as correct, but savior is its main entry, so maybe we should go with that.

[Grammaticus]

Originally Posted by Alan T

So right now this is our current top choices for each with the grammar and other wording changes:

[
Haiku:


Twelve teams with one goal
To win in the bitter cold --
The Colts reign supreme.

[

For the Haiku, I think you should change cold to wind or rain. I don't think cold is actually an element word. If the judges stick to the stringent standard as BK hopes they do, that could be a problem.

[Tyrith]

I would be okay with rain in the haiku. Just someone make sure this gets posted in the next 56 minutes. I am out for a while.

[Alan T]

I am here until deadline. so everyone is ok with the latest post with pass's corrections? Want me to post now, or wait some?

[Mr. Wednesday]

Change "bitter cold" to "driving rain"?

Same number of syllables.

[Mr. Wednesday]

Dola, but "bitter cold" works better in the context of the entire poem, which talks about the twelve teams.

If you need an element, rather than a temperature, maybe "winter snows".

[Alan T]

Limerick:

There once was a QB named Drew,
Who went to Dallas and played like poo.
Romo saved the day,
Cowboy saivour they say,
Until the extra point snap flew through.


Haiku:


Twelve teams with one goal
To win in the bitter rain --
The Colts reign supreme.

Acrostic:


Playoffs never let us down
Lots of cheers, cries , and frowns
Adam Vinatieri kicking against old foes
Young Chargers' fans cheering on the pros
Offense was the key to the Saints' win
Fumbling a snap was Romo's chagrin
Five turnovers were the Bears' demise
So we watched Manning claim the prize.

Rhyming scheme:

In week one the Chiefs were bums
And Romo became all thumbs.

The Eagles looked alive
And the Jets took a dive.

Vinatieri shined bright in week two
And the Saints were led marching by Drew.

Marty was Marty
And DA BEARS spoiled Hasselbeck's party.

Peyton took over week three
Casting aside all the demons AND Tom Brady.

Bears D came to play
And Reggie, Drew and Deuce had to call it a day.

Then it was time for week four
Devin and the Bears sprinted through the door.

Peyton didn't even bat an eye
And at the end of it all the Colts were riding high.

[Passacaglia]

I like either bitter cold or winter snows.

[Mr. Wednesday]

Could be "snow" or "snows", at that.

[Grammaticus]

I like my limerick better. It is funnier

[Passacaglia]

We still need it to say "saviour" not "saivour"

The comma needs to be right after cries in the acrostic -- cheers, cries, and frowns

If we're keeping Drew in the week three line of the rhyming scheme, it should be
And Reggie, Drew, and Deuce had to call it a day.
But I like
And Reggie and Deuce had to call it a day.

[Passacaglia]

Originally Posted by Mr. Wednesday

Could be "snow" or "snows", at that.

whatevs

[Alan T]

Well when I said bitter cold I was trying to both give a weather atmosphere needed in a haiku and a descriptor of the snow often football playoffs are in. I guess we need a consensus one way or another for this.

[Passacaglia]

Originally Posted by Alan T

Well when I said bitter cold I was trying to both give a weather atmosphere needed in a haiku and a descriptor of the snow often football playoffs are in. I guess we need a consensus one way or another for this.

I wouldn't sweat it. Where does it say we need this nature reference anyway?

[Grammaticus]

from Wiki

Haiku (俳句, ?) listen (help·info) is a mode of Japanese poetry, the late 19th century revision by Masaoka Shiki of the older hokku (発句, hokku?), the opening verse of a linked verse form, haikai no renga. The traditional hokku consisted of a pattern of approximately 5, 7, 5 on. The Japanese word on, meaning "sound", corresponds to a mora, a phonetic unit similar but not identical to the syllable of a language such as English. (The words onji, ("sound symbol") or moji (character symbol) are also sometimes used.) A haiku contains a special season word (the kigo) representative of the season in which the renga is set, or a reference to the natural world.
Hokku usually combine two (or rarely, three) different phrases, with a distinct grammatical break (kireji) usually at the end of either the first five or second seven morae. These elements of the older hokku are considered by many to be essential to haiku as well, although they are not always included by modern writers of Japanese "free-form haiku" and of non-Japanese haiku. Japanese haiku are typically written as a single line, while English language haiku are traditionally separated into three lines.

In Japanese, nouns do not have different singular and plural forms, so 'haiku' is usually used as both a singular and plural noun in English as well.

[Alan T]

Originally Posted by Passacaglia

I wouldn't sweat it. Where does it say we need this nature reference anyway?

Its just a traditional part of a haiku. The same as having the haiku split into two parts. (which ours is). Perhaps its not necessary but Barkeep aluded to perhaps having bonus points for it.

We need to decide on the final wording for bitter cold, bitter rain, winter snow.

Need to decide if we leave drew in the long poem or not.

Need to decide if we want to swap out limericks.

I'm ok with leaving drew in and staying with this limerick. As for the wording of bitter cold, rain, winter snow I don't really care too much one way or another. Winter snow might reach the descriptive weather the best though.

[Grammaticus]

Cold is probably a good enough reference to the natural world, but Japanese would probably use something more directly linked to an element or the reference the season itself.

Either way, it is what it is.

[Alan T]

Ok getting some dinner with the lady. I'll be back in about 10-15 min or so to post this up before deadline. I think I like winter snows better on the haiku so will change it to that unless someone objects.

If we want to swap out the limerick or take out drew someone make a call on it.

[Passacaglia]

how about "winter cold"? It didn't snow everywhere.

[Grammaticus]

I don't think the Drew thing matters at all, I say leave him in.

I would swap the Limerick.

[Mr. Wednesday]

We could make it "winter cold" or "winter chill" too...

[Passacaglia]

Keep the limerick as it is for now, I say. As for Drew, i don't care, as long as you fix the comma.

[Grammaticus]

Originally Posted by Passacaglia

how about "winter cold"? It didn't snow everywhere.

Works for me.

[Passacaglia]

Since no one seems to feel too strongly about it, I'm going to step up and say we should take Drew out.

And Reggie and Deuce had to call it a day.

[Alan T]

Ok, last updates. I took out Drew since Pass seems to feel strongly about it. Made the color and other grammar updates requested. (even though the color doesnt matter since I have to post it all in orange anyways). Changed it to winter cold, and left the limerick unchanged since its probably too last minute to swap it out and make grammar changes on it.

Limerick:

There once was a QB named Drew,
Who went to Dallas and played like poo.
Romo saved the day,
Cowboy saviour they say,
Until the extra point snap flew through.


Haiku:


Twelve teams with one goal
To win in the winter cold --
The Colts reign supreme.

Acrostic:


Playoffs never let us down
Lots of cheers, cries, and frowns
Adam Vinatieri kicking against old foes
Young Chargers' fans cheering on the pros
Offense was the key to the Saints' win
Fumbling a snap was Romo's chagrin
Five turnovers were the Bears' demise
So we watched Manning claim the prize.

Rhyming scheme:

In week one the Chiefs were bums
And Romo became all thumbs.

The Eagles looked alive
And the Jets took a dive.

Vinatieri shined bright in week two
And the Saints were led marching by Drew.

Marty was Marty
And DA BEARS spoiled Hasselbeck's party.

Peyton took over week three
Casting aside all the demons AND Tom Brady.

Bears D came to play
And Reggie and Deuce had to call it a day.

Then it was time for week four
Devin and the Bears sprinted through the door.

Peyton didn't even bat an eye
And at the end of it all the Colts were riding high.


Please do a final review to make sure I caught everything. I will post in 8 minutes if so.

[Passacaglia]

Looks great, Alan!

[Alan T]

Last call, speak now or forever hold your peace!

[Alan T]

Ok posting now with 10 min left. we'll be the first team to post. good luck all! Thanks everyone for the contributions.

[Passacaglia]

Heading home -- goooooooooooooo Helsing!

[Lathum]

works for me guys, good job working together!

[Alan T]

Wow, really glad we didnt choose the WW theme. looks like 2/3 of the other teams did that without knowing what the fourth team did.

[Lathum]

Lupus' are pretty good. The rhyming one was funny