Kid(s) leaving home - support group

[Edward64]

Originally Posted by spleen1015

I feel for all of the parents in this thread. I'm not going to do well when my daughter goes off to college in 2 years even though she's likely going to be 45 minutes up the road.

45 min sounds like a pretty good deal. You may not have her around 24 x 7 but easy driving distance for weekends.

We think about where the kids will end up. Ideally we are all in the same city/suburbia within an 30 min drive away. The reality of our mobile society means the odds are against it.

[Edward64]

Originally Posted by JonInMiddleGA

I hate to say it but it's gonna get a good bit worse before it gets better. I still don't know that it actually "gets better" so much as you simply get more used to it.

First semester was the worse for us. It did get "better" for me because I just got more used to it.

I will say that I like seeing my son become more independent and do his own thing. He was more of an introvert and homeboy in HS and he is expanding his boundaries in college.

[Dodgerchick]

Not sure if Antmeister has posted, but, our daughter will be going to TCU in the next coming months. Today was the last day of her senior year. Saturday she graduates.

Guys, I'm not gonna be able to keep it together. This is going to absolutely crush me :'(

[Edward64]

How far is TCU from you? You guys have a system to keep in touch?

[PilotMan]

Originally Posted by Dodgerchick

Not sure if Antmeister has posted, but, our daughter will be going to TCU in the next coming months. Today was the last day of her senior year. Saturday she graduates.

Guys, I'm not gonna be able to keep it together. This is going to absolutely crush me :'(

Oh I feel for you guys. She's such a huge part of your family dynamics. I'm going to go through the same thing next year and I'm probably going to ball like a baby that day too. I'm worried about it.

[Dodgerchick]

Originally Posted by Edward64

How far is TCU from you? You guys have a system to keep in touch?

I'm embarrassed because she's not that far. 3 hours,and I suppose we can Skype,or something. But she won't be... Here ☹️😢😥😭

[Dodgerchick]

Originally Posted by PilotMan

Oh I feel for you guys. She's such a huge part of your family dynamics. I'm going to go through the same thing next year and I'm probably going to ball like a baby that day too. I'm worried about it.

Omg, PM. We went to one of Larissa's friends graduation party, and just seeing all these kids all grown up made me very emotional. We've seen these kids grow up together, support each other. They've been so i.portamt in each other's lives. Man, I lost it. Graduation hasn't even happened yet. Hell, she's still gonna be with is for 2 more months! Lol

Yeah, it's rough. Enjoy, it goes so freaking fast.

[Edward64]

Originally Posted by Dodgerchick

I'm embarrassed because she's not that far. 3 hours,and I suppose we can Skype,or something. But she won't be... Here ☹️😢😥😭

Yup about same as mine. Recommend group chat for those inbetween times skyping. We try to do every other day reachout to check up on the kid and he sends whatever thoughts, pics too.

You are right, won't ever be "that family" again. But it is cool seeing your kid become an adult.

[GrantDawg]

One more year for my son. He will be staying at a college campus for the month of July, so we'll have a sample of what is coming this summer.

[Dodgerchick]

Okay, graduation is over. I lost it when she left with her boyfriend en route to the event. I teared up a little as the graduation music started. But after that, I was pretty okay.

Here she is with her little brother.

[Edward64]

My daughter will be a senior next year, so 1 more year to go before we are empty nesters. Took her ACT and will retake it, she's identified her top choice which is in GA so tuition damage will be reduced with Hope/Milner scholarship.

Completely different major than my son, and both are completely different from me and wife with career choices. Would have like if they would have followed me because I could give them a leg up when looking for their first job but not disappointed at all in their individuality.

Life goes on.

[CU Tiger]

SO yesterday was the day.
Dropped my oldest off at college. So many memories, so much emotion. I held it together. My wife and (shockingly) daughter not so much. My daughter is 15 and they fight like typical brother and sister. Don't get me wrong they are close but they never let the other see that they care. But she absolutely lost it before we left.

Hurt me.
He will be fine. Already called me after his first college practice. Bragging about how he held up to conditioning while others couldn't hang. "Heaviest guy in the OL/DL group...first one on every 110 sprint and last standing at the end"...hes sharing a dorm house with 7 other football players. All freshmen all coming in together. They will bond.

It was exciting to watch how many were drawn to him when they saw him...he has a natural leadership/charisma/energy...so I am so excited to see what he becomes.
But damn....its day 1. I miss him...I went for my morning bike ride and walked the dog and...then work. So nothing even unusual yet. But I can already tell this is going to suck...and its the new normal.

[JonInMiddleGA]

Originally Posted by CU Tiger

But I can already tell this is going to suck...and its the new normal.

Yeah, it does.
And, yeah, it is.

The one positive I can offer is that you do -- eventually -- learn how "new normal" works. If I did, brother, anybody can.

(Yeah, I'm stressing today as mine is officially solo in Europe for the first time today. Wife should land back in the States in a few hours, so he's a looooooooong damn way from home)

[Edward64]

Originally Posted by CU Tiger

SO yesterday was the day.
Dropped my oldest off at college. So many memories, so much emotion. I held it together. My wife and (shockingly) daughter not so much. My daughter is 15 and they fight like typical brother and sister. Don't get me wrong they are close but they never let the other see that they care. But she absolutely lost it before we left.

Hurt me.
He will be fine. Already called me after his first college practice. Bragging about how he held up to conditioning while others couldn't hang. "Heaviest guy in the OL/DL group...first one on every 110 sprint and last standing at the end"...hes sharing a dorm house with 7 other football players. All freshmen all coming in together. They will bond.

It was exciting to watch how many were drawn to him when they saw him...he has a natural leadership/charisma/energy...so I am so excited to see what he becomes.
But damn....its day 1. I miss him...I went for my morning bike ride and walked the dog and...then work. So nothing even unusual yet. But I can already tell this is going to suck...and its the new normal.

Yup, definitely sucks.

I think you said he is relatively close by? That should help.

[CU Tiger]

Originally Posted by Edward64

Yup, definitely sucks.

I think you said he is relatively close by? That should help.

Yeah he is ~2 hour away...easy pop over drive if I wanted to....but trying to let him spread his wings.

[GrantDawg]

My son leaves next week for a month on a college campus. He still has one more year of high school, but this will be a good dry run for him and for us.

[spleen1015]

My son graduates USAF basic training this week. Headed to San Antonio tomorrow.

I think I mentioned before that my daughter didn't handle him leaving very well. She's better but she still wants her brother around.

I was anxious to know how he was handling everything but once we talked to him, I felt a lot better. He loves it. He's off making his life. I'm proud of him.

My wife still misses him every day. He was a momma's boy and they talked every day.

I really hope he gets to see the world. My USAF career was 4 years in Alabama before I decided to get out.

[CU Tiger]

Sucks less than I anticipated but still sucks.
The biggest negative aside from his energy is the shifting of responsiblities around the house/farm. We were/are a team and his absence is adding new chores to all of us. Just takes some adjusting.


He's, by his accounts, doing great. Had his first taste of hazing this morning to which he responded exactly like I would have guessed. (He hasnt even told me about that one yet but one of his teammates texted me and did )By all accounts fitting in well.

[GrantDawg]

Originally Posted by Sophie

College is first step into adulthood for every teenager, and it is very difficult for parents to accept that their children start leading an independent life, because they will always be little kids for their parents.

It is funny, but for my son I just don't worry much about him succeeding. I just worry about how much my wife and I will miss him. Comparatively, my daughter is 23, and I worry she is never moving out.

[spleen1015]

Originally Posted by GrantDawg

It is funny, but for my son I just don't worry much about him succeeding. I just worry about how much my wife and I will miss him. Comparatively, my daughter is 23, and I worry she is never moving out.

23 is the age we made our son move out. We just felt like it was a step he needed to take in life. Move forward. We gave him 6 months to figure it out. It took him 8 but he lived on his own for the last 3 years before joining the USAF.

[Edward64]

Daughter got a college acceptance letter in the mail today. A private GA college, it's not in her top choices but it is the first one.

[JonInMiddleGA]

Originally Posted by Edward64

Daughter got a college acceptance letter in the mail today. A private GA college, it's not in her top choices but it is the first one.

The first one is usually a relief since it tones down the "what if NOBODY wants me" fears.

[Edward64]

Originally Posted by JonInMiddleGA

The first one is usually a relief since it tones down the "what if NOBODY wants me" fears.

This is true. Wife and I never had any doubt that some college would take her but she was insecure about it.

[Edward64]

Daughter now has been accepted to 3 colleges, waiting to hear from 2 more. She did get into her top choice so it's pretty much decided (which is a relief).

Empty nesters this fall.

[GrantDawg]

Congrats, Ed. My son has been accepted at 2, and waiting on three. If any of the three days yes, that's were he will go. Two is very far way.

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[JonInMiddleGA]

Meanwhile, my kid is grinding his way through a crowded final semester of undergrad. Trying to finish his Honors thesis -- despite his advisor dying suddenly and unexpectedly a few weeks ago -- and trying to grind out law school applications in between writing sessions.

Meanwhile, we're just relieved to have unexpectedly gotten a call from the wait list for our preferred hotel and now have all four nights of our trip in for graduation squared away.

The difference in hotels? Walk out the back door of the hotel and straight into The Grove (where the mass ceremony is held at 9am on Sat) vs a 45 mile drive + extremely hellish parking miles from the venue.

[Edward64]

Originally Posted by GrantDawg

Congrats, Ed. My son has been accepted at 2, and waiting on three. If any of the three days yes, that's were he will go. Two is very far way.

Is this your first kid to leave? You prepared for it?

[Edward64]

Originally Posted by JonInMiddleGA

Meanwhile, my kid is grinding his way through a crowded final semester of undergrad. Trying to finish his Honors thesis -- despite his advisor dying suddenly and unexpectedly a few weeks ago -- and trying to grind out law school applications in between writing sessions.

Meanwhile, we're just relieved to have unexpectedly gotten a call from the wait list for our preferred hotel and now have all four nights of our trip in for graduation squared away.

The difference in hotels? Walk out the back door of the hotel and straight into The Grove (where the mass ceremony is held at 9am on Sat) vs a 45 mile drive + extremely hellish parking miles from the venue.

Is he going to take a break inbetween or straight into law school?

[GrantDawg]

Yes, Edward. He will be the first, though his 24 year old sister is away more than home now. He will only have just turned 17 when he leaves as well. It is going to be rough.

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[Edward64]

Originally Posted by GrantDawg

Yes, Edward. He will be the first, though his 24 year old sister is away more than home now. He will only have just turned 17 when he leaves as well. It is going to be rough.

If not already, get a family group chat setup and start using it. It helped the 4 of us keep in touch.

[JonInMiddleGA]

Originally Posted by Edward64

Is he going to take a break inbetween or straight into law school?

He's hoping straight to school, though the offers & conditions he eventually gets will factor in to figuring that out. It's pretty common for law schools to want incoming students to take a year, but it's not absolute.

If one of his top choices said "take a year and then come" I figure he'd take a year. If his second tier of choices had one saying "take a year" and another saying "come on", then I think he'd probably go to the one that said come now.

[tarcone]

My younger daughter is a senior and going away ti college. Honestly, I like her a little better than my older daughter. Not that I dont love both, but you understand if you have multiple kids. And the fact she is the last one at home is upsetting.
Empty nesting here I come And I struggle liking my wife. This could be interesting.

[Edward64]

Originally Posted by tarcone

My younger daughter is a senior and going away ti college. Honestly, I like her a little better than my older daughter. Not that I dont love both, but you understand if you have multiple kids. And the fact she is the last one at home is upsetting.
Empty nesting here I come And I struggle liking my wife. This could be interesting.

No comment on the last paragraph!

[JonInMiddleGA]

Originally Posted by tarcone

Empty nesting here I come And I struggle liking my wife. This could be interesting.

It creates some interesting ... challenges. Hopefully it turns out to be good for your gaming productivity.

I recommend the most mind numbing, glassy eye'ing game (not necessarily "one more turn", more like "where did the last 4 hours go" which can be different deal) you can come up with and just bury yourself there as much as possible.

[spleen1015]

I worry what will become of my marriage when my daughter goes to college. My stepson was 6 when my wife and I got married. We've never been together without kids.

Other than watching some tv shows together, we don't really have any of the same interests.

The plan is to move to Orlando when my daughter is done playing softball in college. Maybe that will give us something to do together.

[Edward64]

Originally Posted by spleen1015

I worry what will become of my marriage when my daughter goes to college. My stepson was 6 when my wife and I got married. We've never been together without kids.

Other than watching some tv shows together, we don't really have any of the same interests.

The plan is to move to Orlando when my daughter is done playing softball in college. Maybe that will give us something to do together.

My wife and I both have jobs and already do a lot of things separately. She has some friends that she does biking and running with, she sews, reads a lot whereas I am on the computer playing games, watch TV, backpack etc.

I don't see empty nester being as big of an issue as (potentially) when we are retired and are literally together 24 x 7.

I'm thinking FL (or a no state-tax state) for retirement but wasn't thinking about Orlando (too close to the tourists). Possibly St. Augustine or Tampa area. Why Orlando for you?

[spleen1015]

Originally Posted by Edward64

My wife and I both have jobs and already do a lot of things separately. She has some friends that she does biking and running with, she sews, reads a lot whereas I am on the computer playing games, watch TV, backpack etc.

I don't see empty nester being as big of an issue as (potentially) when we are retired and are literally together 24 x 7.

I'm thinking FL (or a no state-tax state) for retirement but wasn't thinking about Orlando (too close to the tourists). Possibly St. Augustine or Tampa area. Why Orlando for you?

My company's HQ moved from NJ to Orlando last summer. So, I have the option to move down there. I've been in Indy for 20 years and I am tired of winter. So, that's currently the plan.

The bad thing is the office is right in the middle of the tourist part of Orlando, but there are places you can live that avoid most of it.

[tarcone]

We are looking towards the St Augustine area when we retire. Love that town.

[Dodgerchick]

So the first few months was hella hard. Now... I've learned to deal with her not being at home. She's doing fabulous at school, she even got hired as an RA! TCU is not cheap, but this'll ease her anxiety about debt quite a bit. She's doing quite well, even got a paid acting gig! Now it's like our 15 year old is an only kid. When our oldest was here, we were so busy driving her to her classes downtown, rehearsals, performances, auditions... it was crazy. Now that she's in college, it freed up a lot of time to do stuff with the 15 year old. It's really nice, actually. I'm not saying I'm glad she's not at home, we miss her like crazy, but she's branching out and becoming her own person. It's freed up time to do stuff my son likes. Today we went to a Cereal Party at the movie theater and next week we're going to CatVideo Fest We probably wouldn't do it if she was still here because she always had something going on. Saturdays were her Acting Conservatory classes.

[JonInMiddleGA]

With spring break extended an extra week to prepare for the shift to online classes TFN, things are kinda weird.

Having returned from spring break with his whole crew in Vegas late Thursday, the kid is finishing the first final pass of his honors thesis. Right now he has the house (normally 4 guys) to himself as the others returned to their families (CHI, NY, and the NC/GA border) but the growing sentiment among them is "these are our last 6-8 weeks together*, fuck this virus, maybe we're heading back"

So with that, right now the kid is very much TBD on whether he's staying, coming back home, or what.

Helluva way to spend your final undergrad semester.


*they've lived together for 2 years now, and 2 of the 4 for basically most of their 4 years at Ole Miss

[Edward64]

Son & roommate came back for Spring Break. The roomie is from Europe so thought so it was good inviting him as I can imagine its a little stressful being away from home.

Told both to com'on back if they are asked to "shelter in place". Better here than 3.5 - 4 hours away.

[JonInMiddleGA]

Originally Posted by Edward64

Son & roommate came back for Spring Break. The roomie is from Europe so thought so it was good inviting him as I can imagine its a little stressful being away from home.

Told both to com'on back if they are asked to "shelter in place". Better here than 3.5 - 4 hours away.

We're still winging it atm. 3 of the 4 guys in Will's house are currently at Ole Miss (him + the other Georgia guy + NY guy). NY says he's probably staying no matter what, mine & the other are still kinda mixed long term.

He's better off over there right now most likely, as we're about to get hit with a county wide lockdown here most likely ( a second meeting of the week is scheduled about five hours from now). Still, the desire to be in the same place is a strong emotional response too, so honestly who knows.

Still just about as TBD as it was the last time I commented I guess :/

[Edward64]

Originally Posted by JonInMiddleGA

We're still winging it atm. 3 of the 4 guys in Will's house are currently at Ole Miss (him + the other Georgia guy + NY guy). NY says he's probably staying no matter what, mine & the other are still kinda mixed long term.

He's better off over there right now most likely, as we're about to get hit with a county wide lockdown here most likely ( a second meeting of the week is scheduled about five hours from now). Still, the desire to be in the same place is a strong emotional response too, so honestly who knows.

Still just about as TBD as it was the last time I commented I guess :/

Out of curiosity, what do they think of the pandemic?

I would put the roomie at a 4, his country is pretty much in a lock-down. My son is probably a 3.

[JonInMiddleGA]

Originally Posted by Edward64

Out of curiosity, what do they think of the pandemic? I would put the roomie at a 4, his country is pretty much in a lock-down. My son is probably a 3.

They're angry. Their concern might register as a 2, 3 tops, but mostly just angry. The word "absurd" has been used a lot in the past couple of weeks.

His exact words to me earlier tonight (after a largely fruitless grocery run attempt) were "I expect to see the APC's patrolling the streets any minute now" ... and I did not get the sense they'd take that particularly kindly.

[JonInMiddleGA]

As of about 5a today, the kid is home from school, almost certainly for the duration (aside from a trip to move his furniture back here sometime between now & July 31)

That arrival time IS part of the story. It would have been more like 2a ... except for a full scale tire blowout about 40 miles from home. He's fine, the car is fine, luck was on his side and he handled it very well.

We did, I'll admit, discuss whether the next occurrence during the trek would be
a) a freak snowstorm
or
b) a meteor strike

[Edward64]

Originally Posted by JonInMiddleGA

As of about 5a today, the kid is home from school, almost certainly for the duration (aside from a trip to move his furniture back here sometime between now & July 31)

That arrival time IS part of the story. It would have been more like 2a ... except for a full scale tire blowout about 40 miles from home. He's fine, the car is fine, luck was on his side and he handled it very well.

We did, I'll admit, discuss whether the next occurrence during the trek would be
a) a freak snowstorm
or
b) a meteor strike

Good to hear the kid is okay and home safe. I suspect he is going to go stir crazy at home. The important question is ... do you have enough TP now?

[JonInMiddleGA]

Originally Posted by Edward64

Good to hear the kid is okay and home safe. I suspect he is going to go stir crazy at home. The important question is ... do you have enough TP now?

That's a very astute question since he tends to be to TP what teenage girls stereotypically are to bath towels. Our stock suddenly just got a lot narrower, that's for sure.

Online classes begin in the morning - for the moment at least Ole Miss is scheduling those with the same day/time as the brick & mortar versions were - so that'll take up at least some of his time.

Emotionally the students are pretty raw best I can tell so coping mechanisms are going to be tested pretty hard I suspect. He did bring home enough liquor to float a small fleet so that could be at least part of the answer for boredom management.

[Edward64]

Originally Posted by JonInMiddleGA

That's a very astute question since he tends to be to TP what teenage girls stereotypically are to bath towels. Our stock suddenly just got a lot narrower, that's for sure.

Online classes begin in the morning - for the moment at least Ole Miss is scheduling those with the same day/time as the brick & mortar versions were - so that'll take up at least some of his time.

Emotionally the students are pretty raw best I can tell so coping mechanisms are going to be tested pretty hard I suspect. He did bring home enough liquor to float a small fleet so that could be at least part of the answer for boredom management.

Simple solution is to get him to sign up to FOFC and get his participation here !!

[tyketime]

Our son is a junior in college in Maryland currently living in an apartment off campus (his roommates all went back to their homes in the last couple of weeks). With his classes now all online and his work also being remote, he's stated he'd like to come home to Florida (it's just my wife & I here). We all agreed that he would self-isolate there for 14+ days. Just curious with many of the states (including Maryland and finally now Florida) issuing "stay at home" orders, we're wondering whether he would be able to "get thru" all checkpoints along state borders to come home. He does have a Florida drivers license & license plate, so that shouldn't raise any additional red flags. Obviously a lot can change in the next couple of weeks - but that would skew towards even more restrictive travel.

[tarcone]

There are 2 counties around us that have stay at home orders. I talked to one person from each county. They were given a letter by their employer that states they are going to work and if they get pulled over, they have to show this letter.

Now, I dont know what states are doing, but if he is determined to come home, make sure he is super law abiding on the way home.