Kid(s) leaving home - support group

[Edward64]

Son is back from college, great to see him again. He'll be going back because he is taking summer school. He transferred after freshman year and so summer school keeps him on schedule to graduate in 4 years.

BTW, what's the deal with 5 year programs that are more common now? From what I've read it's not because students need more classes than before for the degree. It's that more kids are working? My son also tells me it's because its hard to get the classes you need.

[JonInMiddleGA]

Originally Posted by Edward64

Son is back from college, great to see him again. He'll be going back because he is taking summer school. He transferred after freshman year and so summer school keeps him on schedule to graduate in 4 years.

BTW, what's the deal with 5 year programs that are more common now? From what I've read it's not because students need more classes than before for the degree. It's that more kids are working? My son also tells me it's because its hard to get the classes you need.

Best I've been able to tell, it's mostly a matter of not being able/willing to pull down the hours needed to finish in the traditional 4 yrs. I don't buy for a minute the "more kids are working" reasoning, in fact its going the other direction. The National Center For Education Statistics says only 43% of full-time undergrad students were employed in 2017 vs 50% in 2005. Part-time undergrad employment rates are also going down, from 86% in 2005 to 81% in 2017.

Piecing some stats together it looks like
41% graduate within 4 yrs and 60.4% graduate within six years, leaving 40% of take longer/don't graduate.

Best I can tell, that leaves about 20% who get done in the 5th or 6th year, so it's not that common exactly.

Seems likely that a combination of factors are in play with the "five years to do four" thing, among them a higher percentage of 18-24 in college than historically (meaning more students on the college caliber bubble), a number of students who drop temporarily from full-time to part-time student status based on the low number of hours they're carrying and thus take longer to graduate, and I strongly suspect there's an element of "it doesn't carry the stigma it once did, so why not stretch out the student experience as long as possible?"

[JonInMiddleGA]

Reposting from my social media, cause FOFC lived through the last four years right along with me.
-----------------
Well, looks like have ourselves a college graduate.

In the comments below my post, I'm going to share my wife's eloquent and emotional summary from earlier. I already knew everything she says and it still managed to make me tear up a bit, so I'll leave that part to her cause I surely can't top it.

Most of you reading this were here when I was a lost Dad reading his weekly dining hall menus trying to get my head around the kid being gone off to another time zone. And you lived through the aftermath of the first Christmas break departure, which I think might have even been worse than the day he left in the fall. I learned that those don't ever suck less, you just get more accustomed to dealing with it.

And somehow, four years later, he we are. We, the parents, survived.
The young 'un? He didn't survive. He thrived, soared, excelled.

The gamut of experiences was run, some lows, some highs, and some days just staying the course. I'm sorry beyond description that it ended so anti-climatically but, in his life, "normal" has often been something other people do anyway.

I'm proud of all he's accomplished and all he's done but, as always, I remain even prouder of who he is.

Congratulations Will, well earned.

I'm also going to indulgently share the post my wife made that I mentioned too. As I told her, I already knew all the stuff she said and it still made me tear up.

Facebook Friends, Today would have been a day of photos of Will in all his graduation regalia with all the awards he won...I do not get to share that and let him see how very proud of him I am. So, I am going to do it now in a virtual post...So again forgive this poor ole Mom.....He is the light of my entire world.
Well, Will. I think you accomplished everything you wanted to do when you stepped on the Ole Miss campus on that hot Orientation Day in June 2016. You joined a fraternity, were elected their Secretary and the National liked you so much they named you one of three collegians interns for their national convention. The National Fraternity named you as a International Scholar and also selected you as top 1% of all brothers in the country. You were President of 3 organizations, Secretary of another 2 organizations (one which was named most Outstanding Organization on campus) and Treasurer of one more. You received 9 different academic and leadership scholarships to help fund this adventure (which made your Mother very happy LOL!). You set out to get into Ole Miss Honors College--which you did--and you stayed there (which many do not). You did a drop dead thesis about those Irish soldiers (even if you did have to defend on Zoom instead of in-person!). You made Ole Miss Who's Who--a great achievement even if you didn't get the ceremony. You had enough medals and tassels that you achieved to weigh you down in the Grove today. Your diploma is going to show your academic honors. And above all I know you made some really good lifelong friends and made some fun, crazy and possibly at times sad lifelong memories--So Hotty Toddy--I love you and I am so, so proud of you, my boy

[rjolley]

Great, great news, Jon. Congratulations to you and your wife.

And congratulations to Will! Looking forward to hearing about the next chapter.

[tarcone]

Congrats.Jon.

My oldest is planning on renting a house June 1 with 3 girls that really dont like her. Great. Not sure if it works with the Covid thing anyway, but she is bound and determined to make it. I really dont mind her leaving again. She does not want to be here and it has been an experience with my wife and her. I blame my daughter mostly, because she is being pretty nasty. But my wife has her side as well.

My youngest is planning on leaving in August for her 1st year of college. Going to one of the best engineering schools in the nation to be an engineer.
She is very excited. We got an email telling us the school is forming a plan to repopulate the campus. Crossing my fingers that it works.

I was at Wal mart today and overheard a conversation about a womans son going to SEMO, where my older daughter goes, she said they are planning on online courses only in the Fall. I have not heard this rumor. But now Im a little worried. Just more stress to an already stressful time.

Find a damn vaccine. You cannot tell me we are not smarter than a damn virus.

[thesloppy]

Congrats Will!

[JonInMiddleGA]

Originally Posted by tarcone

My oldest is planning on renting a house June 1 with 3 girls that really dont like her. Great.

Umm ... I .... that's umm ... this has got to be one of those girl things that I'm simply not wired to understand.

[GrantDawg]

My son's school is waiting until July to make a call on what they will do. They did say that they will automatically grant a gap year for anyone who requests one. I don't think my son wants that at all.

[tarcone]

Just got an email from my younger daughters college. They are opening full speed ahead. Got some move in info and info about the activities of the first week they arrive.

It is starting to hit me that my younger daughter is leaving. Both girls will be in college and out of the house.

Started tearing up reading the email. I have been putting up the fake face fo happy to get rid of her and be an empty nester. But man, I think it will be a lot tougher than I figured. I spent a lot of time with her through basketball.I spent more time with her one on one than with my older daughter.

This will be harder than I thought.

[JonInMiddleGA]

Originally Posted by GrantDawg

My son's school is waiting until July to make a call on what they will do. They did say that they will automatically grant a gap year for anyone who requests one. I don't think my son wants that at all.

I wish we had that assurance :/

No official word from Miami at this point -- and that's looking almost certain to be his destination. UNofficially, students are hearing that Fall is likely to be a mixture of traditional & online classes but that remains all subject to change of course.

The kinda nightmare scenario for him is that he formally enrolls for Fall 2020 and THEN they go online only. At which point he'd regret not requesting a gap year instead. We can string the process out a little farther but some final decision has to eventually be made.

[Ksyrup]

Caitlin's school is doing what a lot of schools seem to be doing - a mix of in-person and online classes, and remotely finishing the semester from home after Thanksgiving. She's an education major, so a big unknown for her is how she is going to satisfy any in-class observation requirements at local elementary schools.

And an even bigger unknown is athletic aid for the coming year. She's still not been given her annual aid papers to sign, which locks in her scholarship for 20-21. I'm worried there are going to be cuts. It's a weird dynamic for the spring sports because you have freshmen coming in who signed their NLIs in late 2019 and are locked in for scholarship money for the next year, at the same time that seniors have been given another year. So you've got the potential for 5 grade levels of student-athlete, but possibly less money for all of them except the freshmen.

[GrantDawg]

There has been no decision from Simon's school. They have said that this year the students will only be required to do three classes per semester (it is usually 4), they have reduced the classes need to graduate for any student in school this year by two. They are also not going to have a Winter session this year, and they will not have to make that up. They are going to remove the normal dead period for classes (I think it was 4:30-7) also to be able to schedule even more spread out classes to reduce congestion. Also, almost all classes will be offered online if students choose to take them that way even if they are on campus. This school already has very small class sizes.

He has also been chosen to take two classes over the summer, completely free and includes a stipend. And, he has been chosen for Williams First, which means we have to get him on campus the Friday before the Monday he would have normally been required.
BTW, how unusual is this. The first two weeks on campus is only freshmen. They have several introductory classes, as well as placement test to determine the level of each classes they will be placed in. They also have swimming lessons, and everyone is required to pass a swimming test.

[JonInMiddleGA]

Originally Posted by GrantDawg

And, he has been chosen for Williams First, which means we have to get him on campus the Friday before the Monday he would have normally been required.
BTW, how unusual is this. The first two weeks on campus is only freshmen. They have several introductory classes, as well as placement test to determine the level of each classes they will be placed in. They also have swimming lessons, and everyone is required to pass a swimming test.

The swimming test IS a new one on me, however the early freshman week sort of happens at Ole Miss. Honors freshmen come in a week ahead of the rest, get some extra introductory stuff (and best of all over the next 3.5 years: get to register for classes a week ahead of their class, basically getting dibs on what they want)

[GrantDawg]

We finally got the decision today. They will be opening campus in the fall, but with almost all classes having an online option. They are going to stagger report time for students, and they will all be tested. They have to stay in their rooms till the test returns, and then isolated if positive. It is going to be a weird start. They will also only be on campus till Thanksgiving, then the rest of the semester and exams will be done online.
I am excited for him, but really bummed he has to deal with this as well.

[JonInMiddleGA]

Originally Posted by GrantDawg

They will also only be on campus till Thanksgiving, then the rest of the semester and exams will be done online.

I think that is going to be the case almost everywhere, at least in the South. I'm not sure that I've seen anyone make an announcement about fall so far that doesn't include that provision.

[tarcone]

Originally Posted by JonInMiddleGA

I think that is going to be the case almost everywhere, at least in the South. I'm not sure that I've seen anyone make an announcement about fall so far that doesn't include that provision.

Yeah, this is how my older daughters school is doing it. Online after that. Online finals.

Havent heard from my younger daughters school yet.

But both are in the public system in the state.

[Edward64]

Starting to get real with daughter leaving for college mid-Aug. She'll be about 2 hours away, son is about 5 hours away. We'll be empty nesters.

TBH looking forward to it and moving on to next stage of life. I want the kids to graduate, find work, become (become for the most part) independent and then I'll retire ... so maybe in 5 years.

[Edward64]

Starting to get real with daughter leaving for college mid-Aug. She'll be about 2 hours away, son is about 5 hours away. We'll be empty nesters.

TBH looking forward to it and moving on to next stage of life. I want the kids to graduate, find work, become (become for the most part) independent and then I'll retire ... so maybe in 5 years.

[tarcone]

Originally Posted by Edward64

Starting to get real with daughter leaving for college mid-Aug. She'll be about 2 hours away, son is about 5 hours away. We'll be empty nesters.

TBH looking forward to it and moving on to next stage of life. I want the kids to graduate, find work, become (become for the most part) independent and then I'll retire ... so maybe in 5 years.

Yep, same boat. Though one is an hour and 45 minutes away and the other is about an hour away.

Empty nesting is something I am looking forward to being. Im really thinking of taking up golf again.

[Atocep]

We moved into our first house last Friday and this thread is becoming more real for me. My son will be going to school local and staying home for the next 2 years, but after that it's likely going to be wherever school and baseball takes him.

Right now we're working getting a batting cage built in the back yard (a promise I made long ago) and everything unpacked, but I can't help but walk around thinking about how empty this house will feel when he does eventually leave.

[GrantDawg]

I am so jealous of everyone that has their kid close. My son is going to 16 hours away. At 17.

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[JonInMiddleGA]

Originally Posted by GrantDawg

I am so jealous of everyone that has their kid close. My son is going to 16 hours away. At 17.

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I get it. I'm not entirely ... thrilled ... about Will's distance going to basically double soon. As I told him, I ain't happy about it ... but I also noted that don't have to be thrilled with it for it to be the right thing.

Still doesn't make it any more pleasant though

[GrantDawg]

Originally Posted by JonInMiddleGA

I get it. I'm not entirely ... thrilled ... about Will's distance going to basically double soon. As I told him, I ain't happy about it ... but I also noted that don't have to be thrilled with it for it to be the right thing.

Still doesn't make it any more pleasant though

It really doesn't. I couldn't be more excited for him. Yet, the other day, right after he got off the student town hall going over all the restrictions, he sounded a little nervous. It made my heart ache. It is going to be really good for him. I am just a ball of stress about it.

[GrantDawg]

I have no experience scheduling flights. What is the best website to use to schedule that gives the best price?

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[molson]

Originally Posted by GrantDawg

I have no experience scheduling flights. What is the best website to use to schedule that gives the best price?

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Only book through the airline directly, and make sure you know their refund/change policy. (For a while Airlines were offering refundable fares across the board, but, I don't think that's the case anymore.)

You can use sites like Google Flights, Orbitz, Kayak, and Expedia to get a sense of what airlines do the routes you're looking for and see what you're looking at for price, but you should never actually book through a 3rd party site like that for airlines, IMO. When something goes wrong with a flight, you want to be able to deal with the airline directly, and utilize their online services on their website. When I book on United.com, for example, and there's a a cancellation or I miss a connection, they often get my itinerary re-booked before I even notice the problem. With a 3rd party site, those hangups are always going to be a pain in the ass.

[CU Tiger]

Originally Posted by GrantDawg

I have no experience scheduling flights. What is the best website to use to schedule that gives the best price?

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I use google flights for finding the best routes and fares...their calendar is great for seeig how a day here or there could drastically change the cost.

Then if lowest price is your priority, cross check what you find there with skiplag...

[Edward64]

Agree on google flights.

One tip though. Sometimes I find other/different available flights to same destination when I say one-way vs round-trip. Check doing both if looking for cheapest flight.

[JonInMiddleGA]

Checked with my wife, who accounts for 95% of our flights in the past decade, even she -- a once fan of some of the 3rd party sites, to my chagrin -- said that in today's market, booking direct was the way to go.

Use Google or whatever aggregator to check options but go through the airline after that.

[tarcone]

Also check into the discount airlines. I fly Allegiant. They fly in and out of smaller airports. The only negative is they fly on certain days.
Not sure where you are going or where from, but check around your area for those airlines. I think Frontier is another.

My daughter got her move in date and time. One month from yesterday. Its going fast.

[GrantDawg]

Thanks everyone.

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[molson]

Also if you're near a Southwest airport, check their website separately because they don't show up on the 3rd party search engines. Plus, they're usually cheaper and have forgiving change policies.

[PilotMan]

So with Covid EKU has spread out the move in day and my son has picked the earliest possible move in. Not that he's staying, we're just moving his stuff down, then coming back home again. But, the reality is that it's coming up here in a little over 2 weeks.

I was talking with him the next morning after we said goodbye to our dog, and he said, "I didn't realize how much of my daily thoughts and routine she was. I wake up and my first thoughts are of her, and when I get home my first thoughts of of her. I just don't know what to do without needing to worry about that."

I said, "yeah, it's not a perfect comparison, but it's sort of how Mom and Dad feel with you leaving for college." He stopped and nodded his head. I know he's not going away forever, but the sense of loss is deeper and more involved. I don't know just how I'm going to feel as we get closer, but I know that the sense of dread about it is real. Covid just adds multiple layers on even more. All we can do is just try our best and wait to see how it all plays out. I know he's got his act together, that he'll have it all figured out, but I just wish it wasn't so hard.

[JonInMiddleGA]

Originally Posted by PilotMan

I don't know just how I'm going to feel as we get closer, but I know that the sense of dread about it is real. Covid just adds multiple layers on even more. All we can do is just try our best and wait to see how it all plays out. I know he's got his act together, that he'll have it all figured out, but I just wish it wasn't so hard.

Fwiw, I don't know if it ever really changes that much. Oh, it changes -- because you learn to adapt, everyone improves their coping skills, etc -- but we certainly haven't seen it go away for any of us.

I think this year -- with everything going on -- is perhaps the toughest of any outside of the first ... and that's with a now-grad student :/

[Ksyrup]

We're taking Caitlin up to NKU to move her stuff from her current apartment to her new one. She is headed back for good around the 11th.

[tarcone]

Got an email from MO S&T. They said the are fully open and ready to go. Some things like masks in class and self monitoring.

3 weeks and I become an empty nester. Not going to lie, as much as I love my daughters, and Cori is the one that is leaving and the one I have spent the most time with, I am excited for the next chapter in my life.

I love change.

[PilotMan]

Originally Posted by Ksyrup

We're taking Caitlin up to NKU to move her stuff from her current apartment to her new one. She is headed back for good around the 11th.

Man, you gotta hit me up if only to say hi before you guys head back.

[GrantDawg]

It end up the school has a travel agency, and he booked a flight cheaper than we could have found elsewhere. The end of August, and he flies off.

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[JonInMiddleGA]

Not sure what thread this fits best in, I'll go with it here I guess.

With wife & child approaching the MS/AL state line as they head back home and Oxford, MS growing smaller in the rear view mirror by the second, the undergrad portion of things is as done as done can be I guess.

As we emptied the apartment he's been in for the past 2 years and designated stuff for moving on to Miami, coming back to Athens, or going into the dumpster, one of the things he noted was how much different he felt about Oxford now versus four years ago.

The impact of the abrupt shutdown of school, the aggressive lockdown of the town by local politicians, the various controversies ... a place that once felt like (at worst) a second home had turned into somewhere he couldn't put out of sight and mind fast enough. A mixture of sadness and anger about all that seems like a fair description.

To be clear, there are some locals/natives that are first-rate human beings, or as he put it "could still be a good place if it weren't for the faculty and about 1/3rd of the students".

I'm just relieved that it's officially no longer my problem.

[PilotMan]

Time is ticking down to moving day next Monday. Eastern KY has expanded move in time for everyone. So we'll move his stuff on Monday, and he'll come back home, then go back on his own on the Friday before school starts on the 17th. He gets an entire room to himself, which will be incredible. But there's still no real decision made on classes themselves.

I have been crabby and frustrated this week because of this, but again, happy to be home for every bit of this summer. I really don't how the next few days are going to go. He and I were supposed to go flying today, but the weather cancelled us, we'll try again on Sunday.

It's the thing I have been dreading for 18+ years. I don't know how it's going to go, but I am certain that I'll be crying at some point. I don't know. I just don't know.

[tarcone]

I feel ya man. A week from Saturday is our day. Wife was crying the other night. She has been the crabby one. I am feeling many different things. I am excited for her and for the empty nest. But I am sad that my 2 kids are gone from home. What does this mean for our relationship? We married in February of 1999 and had Riley April of 2000. We had only known each other 6 months before we got married.
On the other hand, we have worked in the same building for our entire marriage. We drive to work together. We are always around each other.

Strange times ahead.

[JonInMiddleGA]

Originally Posted by PilotMan

I don't know how it's going to go, but I am certain that I'll be crying at some point. I don't know. I just don't know.

The first few days and weeks are the hardest. You just have to let yourself find your way.

[Edward64]

Welp, daughter is off to college today. Check-in at 4pm. Looking forward to see how she develops into an adult and honestly, looking forward to being an empty nester.

She's only going to be an hour away but we told her to stay on campus for the next 2-3 weeks at least.

[Ksyrup]

I still have a high school junior in addition to a college senior and I'm already looking forward to being an empty-nester, HA!

[spleen1015]

Before school started back up, my daughter was gone so much that I felt like an empty nester already.

Its the softball that I am going to miss.

[tarcone]

The last 3 comments are exactly how I feel. All 3 touch me in some way.

Looking forward to being an empty nester, but man it will be tough. Daughter gone so much I feel like on already. But what I will miss most if basketball. Loved watching her play.

Tomorrow is our move in day. 10-1 . Then we have to be off campus.

Today is a day dedicated to my daughter.

[Ksyrup]

Caitlin's up at NKU and we had a team/AD zoom meeting on Covid protocols. Then Caitlin texts me this morning that half the NKU basketball team has tested positive. All S-As are being tested and they've shut down workouts and the "re-acclimation period" to determine how to proceed.

February/March is a long time away, but Caitlin is starting to come to grips with the idea that she may have played her last competitive game of softball. Maybe things will be drastically different by the spring, but between our collective shooting ourselves in the foot, the unknowns of what winter/flu season will bring, and the likely loss of a ton of revenue (whether football or basketball), who knows what spring will look like.

[PilotMan]

Ahh, yeah. We drove Zach down to Richmond last Monday for his move in. It was ok I suppose. His room is perfect for one person, he has a great view, and it's not terribly far away. Then we all drove back home again.

The day before, on Sunday, he and I flew down to Somerset, KY, Cumberland River area for a day trip, just the two of us.

We got the courtesy car, had a great lunch on the river, played some disc golf, drank rootbeer floats, and enjoyed a bit of people watching at the totally not socially distant KY summer getaway land. It was the best catharsis that I could have ever found. We flew back and I got to show him that I can still fly little planes, and demoed a couple of commercial flight maneuvers he will need to master after he finishes instrument.

We landed right before sunset and it capped off a great day.

Yesterday, he took off for school for real. I was good most of the week and day of. It wasn't until right before he left that I was trying to explain how it's all different, that I got emotional. He said nearly the same thing I said to my own mom when I left, and I agreed with him. But reiterated that things were never going back to the way they were. That he was crossing into a new world from where we will never return. It'll be ok, but all those things that were our lives for so long were gone forever.

All in all, there is a bit of relief that I didn't expect. The idea that he's is on his own, and his own man, and his own path, is now his own. That we, as parents, did it. We succeeded and that the realization of just how much time he took up in our lives, especially getting us to this finish line was incredible, and that now, some of the pressure has been relieved. I didn't expect that.

I also didn't expect that I came to a realization about my own father. By my accounts, he's a failed father, despite his own visions of his own success. My wife had pointed out this, and I just couldn't understand it, but I finally saw it yesterday. He never, ever, in his life, had to put anyone's needs in front of his own, and he never has since. That concept that parents wake up and think about their kids and family needs, never changed him. He just wasn't at it long enough. It still makes him a shitty parent, and it still makes me just shake my head wondering how you go years without seeing your kid and grandkids, but he wakes up every day, and none of that even occurs to him as an option. It's not in his line of sight. I only could see this because, without Zach being at home, there was room to think about other options and other things that we might be able to do. It was an odd realization.

Today, I am not as bad as I had thought. The newness might wear off one day, but for now I am content with the reality of it, and the hope the he will be everything that I know he can be. I get to spend all my attention on my other boys, and the wife and we can explore more things that previously maybe not have been an option.

[sterlingice]

Originally Posted by Ksyrup

Caitlin's up at NKU and we had a team/AD zoom meeting on Covid protocols. Then Caitlin texts me this morning that half the NKU basketball team has tested positive. All S-As are being tested and they've shut down workouts and the "re-acclimation period" to determine how to proceed.

February/March is a long time away, but Caitlin is starting to come to grips with the idea that she may have played her last competitive game of softball. Maybe things will be drastically different by the spring, but between our collective shooting ourselves in the foot, the unknowns of what winter/flu season will bring, and the likely loss of a ton of revenue (whether football or basketball), who knows what spring will look like.

Hm.. I should ask around about NKU. One of my best friends in college teaches there, as does his wife - we were at their wedding barely a year ago up there. No idea about the sports side of things but they might know what's up on the academic side.

SI

[Ksyrup]

They are doing a blended semester academically. All of Caitlin's classes are online, but she's also supposed to be doing observations in the local schools so who knows how that is going to go. Others have a mix of online and in-person classes.

Worst-case, the entire season is cancelled and she has her scholarship through the end of the year. She still has 1 more semester to finish school (since she can't student teach during the spring because of softball), so she's still on track to graduate in December 2021. Question is whether she'll play any more softball.

[GrantDawg]

My son doesn't leave for another two weeks. He has started his quarantine today. He has to stay in for two weeks before he goes up. I feel for you guys already going through it. I am just trying to enjoy having him around as much as I can right now.

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