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Old 10-03-2003, 11:54 PM   #251
illinifan999
Pro Rookie
 
Join Date: Dec 2001
Location: VA
Any luck? Nope none at all. Then to make it even worse I find out that the Notre Dame fan of the family might still be alive. What did they do, anally probe him till he felt compelled to not be anally probed anymore?
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Old 10-04-2003, 12:07 AM   #252
Blade6119
Coordinator
 
Join Date: Dec 2000
Location: Scottsdale, Arizona
i think you know im here..im like a plauge to you
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Underachievement
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Old 10-04-2003, 12:56 AM   #253
Travis
Pro Rookie
 
Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: Canada eh
Quote:
Originally posted by Godzilla Blitz
Ring Ring Ring Ring Ring Ring Ring Ring Ring Ring

Calling:

Airhog II, Anxiety II, Blade6119 IV, Klayman III, Aesyrqwe, Chuck U Farley, Psycho Cop II, Calis, Tucker II, Sachmo III, Katon II, Marmel II, Crash Davis, Mike Vic.

Your planet needs you!

(post here to come off the waiting list and get into the action)


Sweet mercy.

That's not a mento's moment we're about to witness is it?
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Old 10-04-2003, 04:29 AM   #254
Katon
College Benchwarmer
 
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Providence, RI
Calm down. No matter how bad the alien defences, I doubt GB could manage to get fourteen people killed on one mission. Especially with only ten people going along.

Reporting for duty, sir!
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Old 10-04-2003, 10:35 AM   #255
Travis
Pro Rookie
 
Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: Canada eh
Quote:
Originally posted by Katon
Calm down. No matter how bad the alien defences, I doubt GB could manage to get fourteen people killed on one mission. Especially with only ten people going along.

Reporting for duty, sir!


Aren't there 3 missions (so 30 troops) going on right now? Granted, that's a much higher rate than normal, but all it takes is one (or four) psi turns to really mess up a mission.
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Old 10-04-2003, 12:14 PM   #256
JeeberD
General Manager
 
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: The Town of Flower Mound
Thing don't look good for us...
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Old 10-04-2003, 12:36 PM   #257
RealDeal
High School Varsity
 
Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: here
I would like to file a formal protest with the medals boards. This is what happened in Mission 21:

"But suddenly the UFO door slides open, and standing in the frame is another Snakeman. Kerillini II reacts like lightning from the rear of the line, and opens up on full auto. His first shot sails into the side of the UFO, but his second sails horribly right and slams into the back of Al Hill! Oh no! Al wails in pain and falls face first in the sand! Blood wells up into the hole in his back, and starts to overflow onto the hot desert sand. Things look grim for Al! Kerillini II has shot him! Before any of the men can react, the UFO door slides shut, with the Snakeman still safe inside. Within seconds Al stops moving; he is dead! X-COM 3, Aliens 1! Damn it!"

Not panicked or mind-controlled, Kerillini shot my grandfather in the back and killed him in cold blood. At worst, he should get a Doh Medal, but he really should get a more serious medal of dishonor.

I demand SATISFACTION!

My grandfather shall not die in vain.
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Old 10-04-2003, 03:16 PM   #258
Chuck U Farley
n00b
 
Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: Boston, MA
Quote:
Originally posted by Godzilla Blitz
Ring Ring Ring Ring Ring Ring Ring Ring Ring Ring

Calling:

Airhog II, Anxiety II, Blade6119 IV, Klayman III, Aesyrqwe, Chuck U Farley, Psycho Cop II, Calis, Tucker II, Sachmo III, Katon II, Marmel II, Crash Davis, Mike Vic.

Your planet needs you!

(post here to come off the waiting list and get into the action)


Since the season hasn't restarted yet in Gatesville, the best way to spend my time, is defending my country.

Chuck U. reporting for action, Sir!
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Old 10-04-2003, 03:54 PM   #259
Godzilla Blitz
College Starter
 
Join Date: Oct 2000
Didn't mean to scare anyone. We have lost some men, including a high ranking officer, but most of this call up is to fill out USA COM and get some people to defend SAM COM and AFRICA COM.

Mission 77 coming up shortly. Maybe missions 78 & 79 later tonight.
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Old 10-04-2003, 04:05 PM   #260
Godzilla Blitz
College Starter
 
Join Date: Oct 2000
77th Mission: Ethereals in Montana

Captain Jeff Nights II looks out the window of the Skyranger as it makes its way down to the farmlands of rural Montana. He does not like what he sees: night and a sea of dark clouds below him. The ASIA COM Skyranger raced against darkness to assault the small, Ethereal-piloted scout that crash-landed here, but darkness won. Not only that, but a nasty storm front has moved in, and we can expect cold, hard rain to further complicate the situation. Rather than have the men fly back 10 hours and do the whole trip over again, USA COM gave the order to attack.

Humm. It’s October 13. It’s dark. It’s raining. We’re going up against Ethereals.

The omens are not good.

Our troops today:

Left Side:
1. Alf III (Heavy Plasma, Power Suit)
2. Render II (Blaster Launcher, Power Suit)
3. Travis III (Heavy Plasma, Power Suit)
4. Jeff Nights II (Heavy Plasma, Power Suit)
5. Danny Van Halen (Heavy Plasma, Power Suit)

Right Side:
1. Glengoyne (Heavy Plasma, Power Suit)
2. Thomkal II (Heavy Plasma, Power Suit)
3. Rich (Heavy Plasma, Power Suit)
4. 3ric IV (Heavy Plasma, Power Suit)
5. Jeeber D (Heavy Plasma, Power Suit)

The men scan the dark wetness outside as the Skyranger drops the final 200 meters to the battlefield below. Between the rain, the turbulence, and the darkness, we have a hard time making out much of anything. Radar shows we’re coming down on the east side of the battlefield. We can see some shacks directly out in front of where we’ll exit the Skyranger. Looks like fields to our left. There appears to be some kind of two-story building right at the nose of the craft. Other than that, we can’t see jack.

The Skyranger drops the final meters and slams to the ground. The men bounce violently in the back of the Skyranger. Before we get settled, the gate drops away into the darkness…

Alarms! We can just make out the gold cloak of an Ethereal, in a field, about 20 yards in front of us, and slightly to the left. We run our tank down the ramp and into the rain. Glengoyne and Thomkal II follow quickly behind it, but hold at the edge of the ramp. Our tank reaches the bottom, spins…

Another Ethereal, about 20 yards away, in a field off to the left of the Skyranger’s nose! Glengoyne drops to a knee at the edge of the Skyranger ramp, and lines up the first Ethereal. His heavy plasma barks green fire, and tracers tear off towards the field…

Bingo! The Ethereal screams and falls to the wet ground with a splash! Nice shot! Almost at the same time, Thomkal II exits the Skyranger, jumps left, rolls, and comes up firing at the second Ethereal. Shots race toward the enemy, who was caught unawares by the speed of Thomkal’s movement. A plasma blast tears through the creature. It screams and drops! Yes! Alf III exits the Skyranger and takes up a firing position by the right landing gear. X-COM 2, Aliens 0.

Suddenly, we hear some kind of rocket go off, and the front of the Skyranger is engulfed in a large explosion. Dirt goes flying and a wave of smoke rolls over Thomkal and Alf. The two men frantically look for signs of the Ethereal, but all they can see in the rain and smoke is the large two-story building at the nose of the Skyranger.

We’ll guess that our enemy lies in the building. Jeff Nights II orders the men in the Skyranger to clear a firing lane for Render, who plots a quick course to the building and lets fly with a Blaster Launcher missile from the Skyranger bay. The rocket races in a large loop then slams into the brick of the first floor wall. The entire floor erupts in a tremendous blast that sends brick, wood, and debris cartwheeling off into the rainy night. Alf III gets up and quickly advances on the ravaged structure. There! In the flames and smoke of the interior, he spots an Ethereal trying to get out, about 20 yards away! Alf drops to a knee and opens fire. Plasma blasts tear into the building and slam into the Ethereal, who screams and drops out of sight! X-COM 3, Aliens 0.


An X-COM agent advances on a destroyed house in Montana. October, 2003. X-COM Archives Photo

And that is the last alien! Another short mission! Well done, men! No casualties!

Kills: Alf III, 1; Thomkal II, 1; Glengoyne, 1.
KIA: None.
Wounded: None
Attribute Improvements: Alf III, Thomkal II, Glengoyne, Render II.
Final score: 93
Mission Notes:
Another mission in which more than half our men don’t even get out of the Skyranger. Sorry, guys!

Looks like our luck was ok after all!

Next up, EU COM hits the Supply Ship in England.
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Last edited by Godzilla Blitz : 10-04-2003 at 04:10 PM.
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Old 10-04-2003, 04:11 PM   #261
Calis
College Starter
 
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: Kansas
Ughh was afraid this would happen! Been too busy to follow lately, and I get called up!

Now I have to hurry up and catch up on the goings on!

Ready for duty though! Although I'll admit I'm a bit concerned about how quickly I moved up the waiting list.
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Old 10-04-2003, 04:48 PM   #262
Godzilla Blitz
College Starter
 
Join Date: Oct 2000
Welcome to our new agents reporting in. Just as a quick reminder in case you missed it, your first assignments will not likely be the most exciting, but here they are:

USA COM:
Airhog II, Anxiety II, Blade6119 IV, Klayman III
You guys will be seeing battle right away, but won't get the full press coverage that our EU COM and ASIA COM glory hounds get. Do well and you'll be shipped off for the big leagues over there, so keep you head up and your sights on the enemy!

SAM COM Guard Duty:
Aesyrqwe, Chuck U Farley, Psycho Cop II, Calis, Tucker II
Your duty will be to protect our valuable manufacturing facility at this base. It must not fall into enemy hands.

AFRICA COM Guard Duty:
Sachmo III, Katon II, Marmel II, Crash Davis, Mike Vic
This base is currently under construction, but don't worry, Sterling Ice tells me that they have stopped the swamp water from leaking in through the roof. This base isn't worth jack yet, but we've invested a lot of money in it, and we don't want it falling into enemy hands. Defend it with your lives!

And to fill you in on possible transfers...

USA COM agents will be transferred to EU COM or ASIA COM as openings arise (i.e. someone dies), based on agent number (low has priority) and acceptance of duty (reply in thread).

SAM COM agents will be transferred to USA COM automatically, based on agent number, when openings arise.

AFRICA COM agents will be transferred to SAM COM automatically, based on agent number, when openings arise.

For people that don't check in within 48 hours, I'll be bumping you all up the line and calling more replacements in, so if you're still on the waiting list, I'd say the chances are outstanding you'll can have a uniform within 48 hours. People in bold have reported for duty already. Regular type have not answered their phones yet.

For those of your unfamiliar with our bases, SAM COM is located under a verdant swamps in the jungles of northern Argentina, only 35 miles from the village of Los Blancos (video store opening in 2005!) and a mere 700 miles (about 17 days travel by swamp rider) from the wild nightlife of Beunos Aires! We've stuffed this base with all kinds of things to help you pass away the hours: a deck of cards (jokers included!), Chess Digest (June 2003 issue!), and a blazing fast Macintosh SE computer (software coming soon!) are sure to keep you entertained for hours and hours! Enjoy your stay! One of the nice things about this base is that the malaria risk is signficantly lower than that of...

...our AFRICA COM base, which is under a swamp in a jungle in western Zaire. This base is located 50 miles from the town of Bifale (pop. 59!) and a quick 1300 miles (about 23 days by elephant, camel, and rickety bus) from the nearest MacDonalds in Cairo, Egypt. Our AFRICA COM has all the amenities that you've come to expect at our X-COM bases: a working radio, Teletubbie videos (we'll try to get a tv/vcr down there soon!), and a checker board (with all pieces!). We're sure these things will keep you happy for days!

Be sure to enjoy your stay, and just remember, you guys have it good compared to the next guys that sign up. That's right, coming soon to an X-COM agency near you: ANT COM. That's Antarctica COM, for those of you wondering if it had anything to do with little insects.

Last edited by Godzilla Blitz : 10-04-2003 at 04:51 PM.
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Old 10-04-2003, 05:06 PM   #263
Glengoyne
Grizzled Veteran
 
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: Fresno, CA
Whoot Two Missions two kills.

I am carving the silhouettes in my head board at the base. So far one Muton, one Ethereal.

Phrase I am heard most often saying: "Yes that 'shape' IS a muton. Look Have you ever killed one?"
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Old 10-04-2003, 05:13 PM   #264
MrBug708
Head Coach
 
Join Date: Apr 2001
Location: Whittier
I need more action =)
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Old 10-04-2003, 06:36 PM   #265
JeffNights
College Prospect
 
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: Michigan
Woo-hoo! Another mission, another cap. Number 20 is a good one.
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Old 10-04-2003, 09:57 PM   #266
Godzilla Blitz
College Starter
 
Join Date: Oct 2000
Jeff: Yup. The big 20! Let's go for that 20-20!

Mr. Bug IV: You're in the current battle.

Glengoyne: When you're at the front of the Skyranger on hot landings, you pretty much have to make a kill or you die. Just keep hitting and you should be fine.

Real: Ah, the Doh Award! I forgot about that one. When I read mission 21, I didn't think Kerillini II deserved a Cowardice Pin. Shooting your dad had nothing to do with cowardice. Incompetence yes, cowardice no. But you are absolutely right, he definitely deserves a Kodos Doh award. That's what that award was made for.

Blade6119: "Plague"? You overestimate your power. Try "flea".

Illinifan: Well, it was unlucky you got hit, but really lucky you didn't die! Look on the bright side! You'll get another medal! Isn't that your second Purple Heart?

Superman: And you'll be happy to know that SAM COM finished the hovertank and is starting on a new fighter for you! Now you should be able to take on bigger stuff!
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Old 10-04-2003, 10:16 PM   #267
RealDeal
High School Varsity
 
Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: here
Yellow Pin of Cowardice: This demerit is given to an X-COM agent for cowardice in the face of battle, for actions detrimental to the name and honor of the X-COM unit, or for incompetence that leads to the death and injury of civilians and or fellow X-COM agents.


I believe that Kerilini's actions in killing my grandfather would amount to "incompetence that leads to the death...of..fellow X-COM agents."


I DEMAND JUSTICE!

JUSTICE I SAY!
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Old 10-04-2003, 10:24 PM   #268
Godzilla Blitz
College Starter
 
Join Date: Oct 2000
Quote:
Originally posted by RealDeal
Yellow Pin of Cowardice: This demerit is given to an X-COM agent for cowardice in the face of battle, for actions detrimental to the name and honor of the X-COM unit, or for incompetence that leads to the death and injury of civilians and or fellow X-COM agents.

Humm. You have a point. I didn't realize that's what the Medals Committee came up with for the Yellow Pin of Cowardice.
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Old 10-04-2003, 11:56 PM   #269
Aesyrqwe
High School JV
 
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: Indiana
Aes is here, ready for action!

God dont let me die first mission...

-Aes-
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Old 10-06-2003, 11:22 AM   #270
The Afoci
Pro Rookie
 
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Moorhead
Do we have an alien breeding testing facility? Just wondering.
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I had something.
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Old 10-06-2003, 12:56 PM   #271
Blade
College Prospect
 
Join Date: Nov 2000
Location: Edmonton, Alberta
Wow! I have been away for three weeks, and I get back and I see that I have missed a ton! Including Blade III's 2 kills! Finally, a good soldier in the family!

Awesome write-ups, GB!
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Old 10-06-2003, 02:07 PM   #272
sterlingice
Hall Of Famer
 
Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: Back in Houston!
Quote:
Originally posted by The Afoci
Do we have an alien breeding testing facility? Just wondering.


Yeah, but we just call it "Kodos's swingin' bachelor pad"

SI
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Janos: "Only America could produce an imbecile of your caliber!"
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Old 10-06-2003, 02:48 PM   #273
Vince
Pro Starter
 
Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: Willow Glen, CA
Keep up the good work guys With that group of new recruits, I can't be too far from the field of action again...
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Every time a Dodger scores a run, an angel has its wings ripped off by a demon, and is forced to tearfully beg the demon to cauterize the wounds.The demon will refuse, and the sobbing angel will lie in a puddle of angel blood and feathers for eternity, wondering why the Dodgers are allowed to score runs.That’s not me talking: that’s science. McCoveyChronicles.com.
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Old 10-06-2003, 03:46 PM   #274
Godzilla Blitz
College Starter
 
Join Date: Oct 2000
Going to be a bit of a delay here.

We just had a baby girl!

All is well, but I'll be busy for a while.
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Old 10-06-2003, 03:50 PM   #275
jfbbis
n00b
 
Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: Lyon, France
Congrats !
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Old 10-06-2003, 04:01 PM   #276
revrew
Team Chaplain
 
Join Date: Jun 2001
Location: Just outside Des Moines, IA
Congrats on Baby Blitz!
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Founder of the ZFL, 2004 Golden Scribe Dynasty of the Year
Now bringing The Des Moines Dragons back to life, and the joke's on YOU, NFL!
I came to the Crossroad. I took it. And that has made all the difference.
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Old 10-06-2003, 04:06 PM   #277
3ric
College Starter
 
Join Date: Dec 2000
Location: Sweden
A little miss Godzilla, congratulations GB!
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Indiana: A TCY VC - year 2044 - the longest running dynasty ever on FOFC!
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Old 10-06-2003, 04:10 PM   #278
Travis
Pro Rookie
 
Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: Canada eh
Congratulations GB!
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Old 10-06-2003, 04:10 PM   #279
sterlingice
Hall Of Famer
 
Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: Back in Houston!
Congrats

SI
__________________
Houston Hippopotami, III.3: 20th Anniversary Thread - All former HT players are encouraged to check it out!

Janos: "Only America could produce an imbecile of your caliber!"
Freakazoid: "That's because we make lots of things better than other people!"


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Old 10-06-2003, 04:11 PM   #280
JeeberD
General Manager
 
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: The Town of Flower Mound
Congratulations!!!!
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Old 10-06-2003, 04:26 PM   #281
klayman
College Benchwarmer
 
Join Date: Oct 2000
Location: Edmonton
Congratulations, GB!
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Old 10-06-2003, 04:32 PM   #282
MikeVic
Head Coach
 
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Hometown of Canada
Quote:
Originally posted by Godzilla Blitz
Ring Ring Ring Ring Ring Ring Ring Ring Ring Ring

Calling:

Airhog II, Anxiety II, Blade6119 IV, Klayman III, Aesyrqwe, Chuck U Farley, Psycho Cop II, Calis, Tucker II, Sachmo III, Katon II, Marmel II, Crash Davis, Mike Vic.

Your planet needs you!

(post here to come off the waiting list and get into the action)


Ahh! I'm here! Hope it's not too late... congrats on the baby!
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Old 10-06-2003, 05:00 PM   #283
Superman=#54
High School Varsity
 
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: Chicago, IL
Congratulations, GB!
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New signature pending....
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Old 10-06-2003, 05:01 PM   #284
Blade
College Prospect
 
Join Date: Nov 2000
Location: Edmonton, Alberta
Congratulations to you and your wife!
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Loyal fan of the Edmonton Oilers and Philadelphia Eagles.
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Old 10-06-2003, 05:05 PM   #285
Abe Sargent
Hall Of Famer
 
Join Date: Dec 2001
Location: Catonsville, MD
Ummmmm......many obligatory congratulations.

-Anxiety
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Old 10-06-2003, 05:15 PM   #286
AStott
Mascot
 
Join Date: Nov 2002
So if I don't offer a congrats, is my guy headed towards certain doom?

...just to be safe...

Congrats on the new baby!!!

...really, I mean it.
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Old 10-06-2003, 06:43 PM   #287
Vince
Pro Starter
 
Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: Willow Glen, CA
Godzill...ette? Congratulations buddy!
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Every time a Dodger scores a run, an angel has its wings ripped off by a demon, and is forced to tearfully beg the demon to cauterize the wounds.The demon will refuse, and the sobbing angel will lie in a puddle of angel blood and feathers for eternity, wondering why the Dodgers are allowed to score runs.That’s not me talking: that’s science. McCoveyChronicles.com.
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Old 10-06-2003, 06:54 PM   #288
Swaggs
Coordinator
 
Join Date: Oct 2000
Congrats, GB.
__________________
DOWN WITH HATTRICK!!!
The RWBL
Are you reading In The Bleachers?
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Old 10-06-2003, 07:13 PM   #289
The Afoci
Pro Rookie
 
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Moorhead
Congrats, so when does the little godzilla sign up?
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I had something.
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Old 10-06-2003, 07:18 PM   #290
Blade6119
Coordinator
 
Join Date: Dec 2000
Location: Scottsdale, Arizona
Congratz godzilla...i think i can manage to throw away all humor for the day and wish you all the best!
__________________
Underachievement
The tallest blade of grass is the first to be cut by the lawnmower.
Despair
It's always darkest just before it goes pitch black.
Demotivation
Sometimes the best solution to morale problems is just to fire all of the unhappy people.
http://www.despair.com/viewall.html
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Old 10-06-2003, 07:46 PM   #291
Chuck U Farley
n00b
 
Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: Boston, MA
Congrats GB
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Old 10-06-2003, 09:03 PM   #292
Glengoyne
Grizzled Veteran
 
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: Fresno, CA
Whoot!! Congrats GB! best wishes to ya!
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Old 10-06-2003, 09:04 PM   #293
Tasan
College Starter
 
Join Date: Feb 2001
Location: Houston, or there about
CONGRATS!
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Old 10-06-2003, 10:44 PM   #294
Craptacular
College Starter
 
Join Date: Oct 2001
Location: The Mad City, WI
Congrats GB!
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Old 10-06-2003, 10:59 PM   #295
sachmo71
The boy who cried Trout
 
Join Date: Oct 2000
Location: TX
YAY!! Zilla gets a girl! Girls rule! Good luck!
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Old 10-06-2003, 11:05 PM   #296
Coffee Warlord
Head Coach
 
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: Colorado Springs
Godzilla Blitzette?
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Old 10-06-2003, 11:06 PM   #297
Coffee Warlord
Head Coach
 
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: Colorado Springs
Dola. GB, since you now have yourself a daughter, I present to you the rules which you will need to learn in roughly 13 years.

10 Simple Rules for Dating My Daughter:
Rule One: If you pull into my driveway and honk, you'd better be delivering
a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.

Rule Two: You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at
her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot
keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.

Rule Three: I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your
age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off
their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your
friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about
this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your
underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object.
However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off
during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric
nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.

Rule Four: I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without
utilizing a "barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate:
When it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.

Rule Five: Don't think that in order for us to get to know each other we
should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do
not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of
when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only
word I need from you on this subject is "early."

Rule Six: I have no doubt you are a popular fellow with many opportunities
to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my
daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will
continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make
her cry, I will make you cry.

Rule Seven: As you stand in my front hallway waiting for my daughter to
appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want
to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is
putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting the
Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do
something useful, like change the oil in my car?

Rule Eight: The following places are not appropriate for a date with my
daughter:
* Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden
stool.
* Places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within eyesight.
* Places where there is darkness.
* Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness.
* Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter
to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than
overalls, a sweater, and a goose-down parka zipped up to her throat.
* Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies
which feature chainsaws are okay.
* Hockey games are okay.
* Old folks homes are better.

Rule Nine: Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a pot-bellied, balding,
middle-aged, dim-witted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I
am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you
are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole
truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres
behind the house. Do not trifle with me.

Rule Ten: Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake
the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice
paddy outside of Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in
my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my
daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit your
car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce
in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early,
then return to your car-there is no need for you to come inside. The
camouflaged face at the window is mine.
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Old 10-06-2003, 11:44 PM   #298
Blade6119
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Join Date: Dec 2000
Location: Scottsdale, Arizona
The sad thing is that the first time i took out my current gf(im 17), her dad pulled me inside, sat me down, and gave me this...i had seen it before, but i was suprised he did this...So i found a 10 rules for being my date's dad and handed it to him the next time i took her out along with a typed report of what happened on the first date in accordancw with his rules(with a few modifications of the truth.. ). He liked it so much he told his daughter, not me, that if she hurts me she will be in big trouble...
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Old 10-06-2003, 11:51 PM   #299
SirFozzie
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Join Date: Nov 2000
Location: The State of Insanity
Congrats GB
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Old 10-07-2003, 01:05 AM   #300
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Join Date: Mar 2002
PsychoCop II reporting!

Not too happy about the babysitting job, though... but, heck, I'll do my part in defending the Earth from the alien menace!
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