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Old 03-08-2011, 12:21 AM   #3401
Radii
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Join Date: Jul 2001
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ronnie Dobbs2 View Post
http://losangeles.cbslocal.com/2011/...hopping-carts/

This one is ALL about the stock image.

I LOL'd, nice.
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Old 03-08-2011, 09:06 AM   #3402
MJ4H
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That is amazing.
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Old 03-08-2011, 09:10 AM   #3403
Ksyrup
This guy has posted so much, his fingers are about to fall off.
 
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DOOOOOOODY!
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Old 03-08-2011, 09:22 AM   #3404
sterlingice
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Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: Back in Houston!
I love (by which, of course, I mean hate) local news

"I'm Kent Brockman. On the eleven o'clock news tonight, a certain kind of soft drink has been found to be lethal. We won't tell you which one until after sports and the weather with Funny Sonny Storm."

SI
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Old 03-08-2011, 09:33 AM   #3405
PilotMan
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Originally Posted by sterlingice View Post
I love (by which, of course, I mean hate) local news

"I'm Kent Brockman. On the eleven o'clock news tonight, a certain kind of soft drink has been found to be lethal. We won't tell you which one until after sports and the weather with Funny Sonny Storm."

SI

I wonder if I'll live long enough to see who won the game? hmmmm? Seriously, it's a wonder anyone can manage to stay alive. How long until the first lawyer sues Supermarkets over this dangerous health condition? Then what?
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Old 03-08-2011, 09:34 AM   #3406
Ksyrup
This guy has posted so much, his fingers are about to fall off.
 
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My favorite one of those from the Simpsons was this one, complete with the lead-in graphic of Homer getting killed coming through the theater doors:

"A BLOODY END FOR HOMER SIMPSON...is just one of several possible outcomes according to our computer simulation. Now here is how it would look if the police killed him with a barrage of baseballs."
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Last edited by Ksyrup : 03-08-2011 at 09:34 AM.
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Old 03-08-2011, 09:37 AM   #3407
Passacaglia
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Amazon.com: Babe Ease Original Clean Shopper, Blue Zoo: Baby

Back in November, my mom gave me a bunch of change, since she found out my bank will take your change unrolled and give you cash for it (or deposit it, or whatever). I figured she was just giving it to me, since her bank won't do that, making the change basically worthless to her. But yesterday she sent me a text asking if I ever took that change to the bank, because she'd like it for her trip (she's going to Europe next month), and asked how much money it was. Okay, no problem. Thing is....I'm pretty sure the change totaled to $15. So she either thinks there was a lot more change than what she gave me, or she thinks $15 is the kind of cash that's going to matter when she goes to Europe.
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Old 03-08-2011, 10:02 AM   #3408
Logan
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Give her a twenty and let her have a good time.
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Old 03-08-2011, 12:43 PM   #3409
QuikSand
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Logan View Post
Give her 40,000 Italian lira and let her have a good time.

fixed, for intended effect
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Old 03-08-2011, 01:31 PM   #3410
stevew
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Whomever developed the GatorBite is freaking awesome. Makes ammy plumbing a helluva lot easier.
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Old 03-08-2011, 01:41 PM   #3411
JediKooter
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Why does my ex wife email me still? I just don't get it.
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Old 03-08-2011, 01:42 PM   #3412
Suicane75
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Because she's a woman and they just don't ever shut up.
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Old 03-08-2011, 01:43 PM   #3413
DanGarion
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JediKooter View Post
Why does my ex wife email me still? I just don't get it.

She's doing a Jedi mind trick on you...
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Old 03-08-2011, 01:46 PM   #3414
JediKooter
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DanGarion View Post
She's doing a Jedi mind trick on you...

I have considered that. She never gave me the "we can still be friends" speech, so I don't think she's just saying 'hi'.
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Old 03-08-2011, 02:07 PM   #3415
Mustang
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JediKooter View Post
Why does my ex wife email me still? I just don't get it.

It is probably the 1/16 Nigerian in her blood. She can't help herself.
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Old 03-08-2011, 02:16 PM   #3416
JediKooter
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mustang View Post
It is probably the 1/16 Nigerian in her blood. She can't help herself.

Damn scammers.
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Old 03-08-2011, 03:13 PM   #3417
mckerney
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ronnie Dobbs2 View Post
http://losangeles.cbslocal.com/2011/...hopping-carts/

This one is ALL about the stock image.

Dammit, they changed the picture. Now it's not funny at all.
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Old 03-08-2011, 03:19 PM   #3418
Lathum
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JediKooter View Post
I have considered that. She never gave me the "we can still be friends" speech, so I don't think she's just saying 'hi'.

She is waiting for something awesome to happen in her life, so when she emails you about it in an attempt to rub it in it doesn't seem so out of nowhere.
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Old 03-08-2011, 03:45 PM   #3419
JediKooter
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lathum View Post
She is waiting for something awesome to happen in her life, so when she emails you about it in an attempt to rub it in it doesn't seem so out of nowhere.

What a bitch. Looks like I'll have to have something awesome happen for me first.
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Old 03-08-2011, 03:55 PM   #3420
Mustang
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JediKooter View Post
What a bitch. Looks like I'll have to have something awesome happen for me first.

It's just email. Make some crap up.
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Old 03-08-2011, 04:44 PM   #3421
JediKooter
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mustang View Post
It's just email. Make some crap up.

That's true. Where's Tiger Woods' ex wife when I need her?
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Old 03-08-2011, 05:02 PM   #3422
sterlingice
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Location: Back in Houston!
Why do the baggers here insist on putting lettuce at the bottom of the bag every time? Yes, it's soft and squishy, but when you put a cantaloupe on it, that nice head of lettuce I took some time to pick out becomes crushed. This isn't too hard to figure out...

EDIT: I try to bag my stuff as often as possible and I realize that a lot of times, it's just some guy throwing things into the bag in a random order. But for some reason, the last 5 or 6 times I've gotten lettuce, without fail, it's on the bottom with something heavier on top so there's some method to that madness.

SI
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Janos: "Only America could produce an imbecile of your caliber!"
Freakazoid: "That's because we make lots of things better than other people!"



Last edited by sterlingice : 03-08-2011 at 05:05 PM.
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Old 03-08-2011, 05:11 PM   #3423
jeff061
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Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: MA
I still remember bagging groceries my teenage years. I took that shit serious. You create a wall with cereal-like boxes then build up the center, fragile on top. It's like Tetris. I love Tetris.

You fuck that shit up you deserve a stabbing.
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Old 03-08-2011, 05:18 PM   #3424
Coffee Warlord
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mckerney View Post
Dammit, they changed the picture. Now it's not funny at all.

CBSLocal.com Wins for Worst Pic and Headline Pairing - FishbowlLA

The internet is forever.
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Old 03-08-2011, 06:22 PM   #3425
Draft Dodger
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Location: Keene, NH
Quote:
Originally Posted by Coffee Warlord View Post

that makes a lot more sense now
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Old 03-08-2011, 09:47 PM   #3426
mckerney
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mckerney View Post
Dammit, they changed the picture. Now it's not funny at all.

Dammit, it may be partially my fault that it was changed.
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Old 03-09-2011, 12:16 PM   #3427
JediKooter
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Location: San Diego via Sausalito via San Jose via San Diego
Quote:
Originally Posted by Suicane75 View Post
Because she's a woman and they just don't ever shut up.

I kind of said something similar to that during an argument. She asked why when we argue, I don't say much. I told her the less I say, the quicker you are done.
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Old 03-09-2011, 12:29 PM   #3428
Suburban Rhythm
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Location: Pittsburgh
Quote:
Originally Posted by sterlingice View Post
Why do the baggers here insist on putting lettuce at the bottom of the bag every time? Yes, it's soft and squishy, but when you put a cantaloupe on it, that nice head of lettuce I took some time to pick out becomes crushed. This isn't too hard to figure out...

EDIT: I try to bag my stuff as often as possible and I realize that a lot of times, it's just some guy throwing things into the bag in a random order. But for some reason, the last 5 or 6 times I've gotten lettuce, without fail, it's on the bottom with something heavier on top so there's some method to that madness.

SI

Quote:
Originally Posted by jeff061 View Post
I still remember bagging groceries my teenage years. I took that shit serious. You create a wall with cereal-like boxes then build up the center, fragile on top. It's like Tetris. I love Tetris.

You fuck that shit up you deserve a stabbing.

Same, I worked at the same place starting at age 15, up through some semester breaks the first couple years of college.

I still catch myself when I go through the self-scan registers planning how I am going to bag things when I finish scanning.

*nerd smiley here*
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Old 03-09-2011, 12:48 PM   #3429
Ksyrup
This guy has posted so much, his fingers are about to fall off.
 
Join Date: Nov 2000
Location: In Absentia
Working in a grocery store in high school was awesome. I worked the produce section. My best friend and I would save up all the rotten fruit, wait until the adults took off for the day, head over the bakery and get yesterday's stale french bread loaves, and play baseball in the producer cooler.
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Old 03-09-2011, 01:22 PM   #3430
jeff061
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Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: MA
I graduated to ends displays after 6 months bagging. Which meant I did nothing but stock the displays at the ends of aisles..

This meant 6 hours playing nerf football in the backroom, 2 hours stocking the ends. Pinnacle of supermarket work if you ask me.
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Old 03-09-2011, 02:17 PM   #3431
Suburban Rhythm
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ksyrup View Post
Working in a grocery store in high school was awesome. I worked the produce section. My best friend and I would save up all the rotten fruit, wait until the adults took off for the day, head over the bakery and get yesterday's stale french bread loaves, and play baseball in the producer cooler.

3 working in a grocery store stories stand out for me

1) March 1993, Pittsburgh got something like 25 inches of snow over a few days. We carried carts in one at a time, over our heads. We couldn't stack them up as normal and get them through the snow.

2) This guy always came in the store, dark hair combed back, wide dark glasses, huge belt buckle. Running joke everytime he came in the store, everyone whispering "hey it's Elvis!! haha".

One time I am working late, maybe like 11p on a Sunday night, barely anyone in the store. He comes through my line, ring up his order. Take his cash, give him his change, and swear to God he says "Thank you...Thank you very much"

3) My all-time favorite- I was actually a pretty quiet kid, but still a smart ass. Similar to above, store pretty empty, walking through, this guy stops me in one of the aisles. "Hey, do you know how much these are?", hands me ant traps. I take them from him, walk down the aisle to where he picked them up thinking "Well, you could just look at the tag!". Get there, no tag. "Oh...no tag, I can run up front and look." He says "Yeah, I knew there was no tag, I though maybe you could read the barcode?"

I stare at him for a second..."Yeah, maybe I could swipe it across my ass and it would light up in my eyes!"

10 minutes later I see the guy up front talking to one of the managers. Maybe he wasn't complaining about me, but I never heard anything about it. I figured the manager had to think 'Him? No way...he's too quiet'
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Old 03-09-2011, 02:20 PM   #3432
Suicane75
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I miss giant pickle barrels.
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Old 03-09-2011, 02:22 PM   #3433
cuervo72
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Originally Posted by Suicane75 View Post
I miss giant pickle barrels.

The supermarket I go to at lunch has one. Giant pickle barrels rule.
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Old 03-09-2011, 02:24 PM   #3434
jeff061
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Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: MA
Oh we had the token down syndrome bagger. Which was not interesting in and of itself. However after 3 months he started sexually harassing the customers. Like literally grabbing ass and being very blunt and explicit about what he wanted to do to them. Like way WAY beyond the point where you think he'd be able to get away with it.

And they would just smile and keep walking. And he would just keep doing it. It was incredible.
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Old 03-09-2011, 02:29 PM   #3435
Suburban Rhythm
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jeff061 View Post
Oh we had the token down syndrome bagger. Which was not interesting in and of itself. However after 3 months he started sexually harassing the customers. Like literally grabbing ass and being very blunt and explicit about what he wanted to do to them. Like way WAY beyond the point where you think he'd be able to get away with it.

And they would just smile and keep walking. And he would just keep doing it. It was incredible.

Unfortunately, we didn't have this.

We did have a guy who went by "Bud" (no idea what his real name was). He was in his mid-80's at this point, worked only 11-3, and only bagged on the express lane. Which, eventhough some orders might be 2 items, he was still behind.

And when you brought carts in from outside, he'd give you a thumbs up and say "Keep on truckin'!"
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Old 03-09-2011, 02:29 PM   #3436
Suicane75
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Location: NJ
Quote:
Originally Posted by cuervo72 View Post
The supermarket I go to at lunch has one. Giant pickle barrels rule.

I havn't seen one since they tore down our local ACME like 15 years ago.
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Old 03-09-2011, 02:35 PM   #3437
Ksyrup
This guy has posted so much, his fingers are about to fall off.
 
Join Date: Nov 2000
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jeff061 View Post
Oh we had the token down syndrome bagger. Which was not interesting in and of itself. However after 3 months he started sexually harassing the customers. Like literally grabbing ass and being very blunt and explicit about what he wanted to do to them. Like way WAY beyond the point where you think he'd be able to get away with it.

And they would just smile and keep walking. And he would just keep doing it. It was incredible.

Was his name Donnie?

http://
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Old 03-09-2011, 02:39 PM   #3438
Ksyrup
This guy has posted so much, his fingers are about to fall off.
 
Join Date: Nov 2000
Location: In Absentia
Worst grocery store experience I had was spending approximately 16 straight hours on register as Hurricane Andrew was threatening South Florida. We're talking lines out the store, fights for food, people grabbing jars of apple juice from the bottom of the end cap and the whole thing crashing down, etc.

And then showing up the next day to help clean up the mess and get the store in some semblance of running order and getting yelled at by people irate that we didn't have any bread or milk stocked, as if Andrew was just some figment of our imagination.
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Old 03-09-2011, 02:55 PM   #3439
Suburban Rhythm
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Location: Pittsburgh
I can remember a few fist fights in the parking lots over parking spaces around Thanksgiving/Christmas. And that was women.

I do remember one time where we lost power, on a Sunday late morning/early afternoon, which was prime, after church shopping time. Huge lines.

So they give us all calculators to total orders. Which, was fine for things already priced. But produce or any packaged items...we were supposed to send a bagger back with a handful of items at a time to find prices on these.

Or, my method-- ask the customer if they remembered how much it was supposed to be. If they said the box of cereal was $3.49 and I was going to say $3.99, it became $3.75.
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Old 03-09-2011, 04:02 PM   #3440
stevew
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My dog Chachi doesn't know it, but his balls are not long for this world.
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Old 03-09-2011, 04:06 PM   #3441
JediKooter
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Location: San Diego via Sausalito via San Jose via San Diego
Quote:
Originally Posted by stevew View Post
My dog Chachi doesn't know it, but his balls are not long for this world.

What's Joanie going to think when she finds out?
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Old 03-09-2011, 04:27 PM   #3442
Radii
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Originally Posted by Suburban Rhythm View Post
I can remember a few fist fights in the parking lots over parking spaces around Thanksgiving/Christmas. And that was women.


That would have been assumed had it not been pointed out.
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Old 03-09-2011, 04:42 PM   #3443
JediKooter
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Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: San Diego via Sausalito via San Jose via San Diego
Finally saw George Lucas here at work. Funny thing was, the guy he was walking with was tall and goofy looking and I thought to myself, "Hehe, he's with Jar Jar".
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Old 03-09-2011, 05:02 PM   #3444
stevew
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What's Joanie going to think when she finds out?

She had her uterus removed on monday, and we took care of her "problem"
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Old 03-09-2011, 05:06 PM   #3445
JediKooter
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Location: San Diego via Sausalito via San Jose via San Diego
Quote:
Originally Posted by stevew View Post
She had her uterus removed on monday, and we took care of her "problem"

Ah! Nice to see the problem worked itself out.
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Old 03-09-2011, 05:20 PM   #3446
stevew
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Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: the yo'
I played "Brick" on the way home and Jo-Jo understood that she didn't need to be afraid of the emotions that she was having.

Then the next day, she was licking at the wound and we had to take her in to be fitted for a cone of shame.
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Old 03-09-2011, 06:23 PM   #3447
JediKooter
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Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: San Diego via Sausalito via San Jose via San Diego
Damn, the cone of shame. Hopefully there is no cat around to mock her.
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Old 03-10-2011, 12:13 AM   #3448
Radii
Head Coach
 
Join Date: Jul 2001
Someone posted awhile back about the insanity that ensues when someone accidentally sends an e-mail to the entire company. I ran into a new variation on this... someone at an insurance company we work with accidentally sent out a report to the mailing list they use to notify ALL of their customers of outages and maintenance schedules and the like. Here's how it went:

1) the person that accidentally sent the e-mail attempted to recall it. Yeah that won't work.
2) Within an hour there were about 5-10 reply all responses that were all variations on "too late, we already saw!!!" (there was no sensitive information in the e-mail, it referenced a support ticket and was probably intended for one customer but had no defining info in it). This includes animated gifs and lolcats of the "WHAT HAZ BEEN SEEN... CANNOT BE UNSEEN" variety.
3) Over the next 3 or 4 hours I've received about 15-25 more e-mails "why did I receive this? Please remove me from this list"
4) we've now seen a few of the "stop using reply all!" angry e-mails that naturally follow


Since this wasnt just company wide and probably got sent to every doctors office that deals w/ this ins. company I am hopeful that the hilarity could continue for days. The lolcats was a nice twist.
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Old 03-10-2011, 12:19 AM   #3449
Lathum
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Join Date: Dec 2001
Location: homeless in NJ
It always amazes me when someone hits reply all to one of these mistakes. I would never want my name attached to that stupidity.
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Old 03-10-2011, 11:34 AM   #3450
JediKooter
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Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: San Diego via Sausalito via San Jose via San Diego
For number 4, I would have sent a Reply All to those people who used Reply All to complain about the people using Reply All.
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I'm no longer a Chargers fan, they are dead to me

Coming this summer to a movie theater near you: The Adventures of Jedikooter: Part 4
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