Parents Anonymous, FOFC Branch

[Barkeep49]

I wish you the best of luck moving forward Flasch.

[flere-imsaho]

Very, very sorry to hear this, Flasch.

[JonInMiddleGA]

I'm either one of the greatest parents ever or I'm one of the worst.

I just used the lyrics to 80's metal legend George Lynch's Wicked Sensation to help my son memorize a list of 30 random prepositions.

Putting them into some sequence he could remember begins with the set from the chorus of the song: up, down, in, out and goes on from there, with one set of rhyming or pnemonic linked group after another.

Unusual teaching resource I'm going to guess, but it worked. He's got the list down pretty much cold in about 90 minutes.

[Barkeep49]

Song to help with memorization isn't uncommon. If I were more musical I'd have uses it more myself when I was teaching 4th grade. In otherwords you ARE one of the greatest parents ever.

[JonInMiddleGA]

Originally Posted by Barkeep49

Song to help with memorization isn't uncommon. If I were more musical I'd have uses it more myself when I was teaching 4th grade. In otherwords you ARE one of the greatest parents ever.

I was this time at least ... 100, on a test that most of the rest of the class will be re-taking on Monday.

[JonInMiddleGA]

Oh the, ahem, "joys" of parenting.

Currently my grounded-until-I-say-otherwise child is discovering that other children in the neighborhood do NOT have the ability to grant permission to "borrow" the tennis court of a vacant house on the neighborhood.

It was only a few weeks ago that my then-10 y/o knew that without even being told. A very proud parenting moment indeed, seeing good judgement even in the face of peer pressure.

In April he turned 11 and apparently it made him stupid.

The real estate agent handling the property confirmed what we knew already: nobody had permission to be roaming around over there, especially not with the house vacant as the owners have returned to Florida to be with family as the wife nears death with terminal lung cancer. The agent will be padlocking the courts later tonight and explaining the no trespassing thing to the parents of the other kids.

The kicker? Who is the real estate agent married to? Only the primary external fundraiser for the school all of the boys involved attend. Way to make an impression guys, good job.

Another lesson learned tonight that will probably come in handy is that, when you already know you're in deep shit, slamming the door after you're exiled to your bedroom is NOT going to help matters one bit.

Oh the joys of parenting

[Flasch186]

so as you all know, or should Ash and I are 12.5 weeks pregnant and the checkup on Wednesday said everything was a ok. Hoping to learn from this thread and chime in in November.

[JonInMiddleGA]

Originally Posted by Flasch186

so as you all know, or should Ash and I are 12.5 weeks pregnant and the checkup on Wednesday said everything was a ok. Hoping to learn from this thread and chime in in November.

Believe it or not I actually thought of the various parents-to-be around here when I posted this.

It's a mixed bag, stupendously wonderful beyond all description at times ... and the drizzling shits at other times. Most parents just hope & pray (and maybe sacrifice the occasional goat) that there's a good bit more of the former than the latter.

But there's definitely both in there, just goes with the territory.

[FrogMan]

Originally Posted by JonInMiddleGA

Oh the, ahem, "joys" of parenting.

Currently my grounded-until-I-say-otherwise child is discovering that other children in the neighborhood do NOT have the ability to grant permission to "borrow" the tennis court of a vacant house on the neighborhood.

It was only a few weeks ago that my then-10 y/o knew that without even being told. A very proud parenting moment indeed, seeing good judgement even in the face of peer pressure.

In April he turned 11 and apparently it made him stupid.

The real estate agent handling the property confirmed what we knew already: nobody had permission to be roaming around over there, especially not with the house vacant as the owners have returned to Florida to be with family as the wife nears death with terminal lung cancer. The agent will be padlocking the courts later tonight and explaining the no trespassing thing to the parents of the other kids.

The kicker? Who is the real estate agent married to? Only the primary external fundraiser for the school all of the boys involved attend. Way to make an impression guys, good job.

Another lesson learned tonight that will probably come in handy is that, when you already know you're in deep shit, slamming the door after you're exiled to your bedroom is NOT going to help matters one bit.

Oh the joys of parenting

I feel for you man, we went through just about the same thing about a couple months ago. Our oldest son turned 12 at about that time and until then, everything was going on fine at school. Sure a bit of nagging was needed to make sure homeworks studying were being done properly, but results were good. It all came down crashing within a week or so.

Andrew is part of a special program in 6th grade. It's called the Arts-Language-Sports Program (ALSP). Every morning and the afternoon on Wednesday it's regular school, in a sort of expedited way. Their days are a bit longer than regular schooldays, but they need to see the same stuff a regular class would, but in about 75% of the time. The other four afternoons, they go out to either practice a sport, perfect an art, or study a language. You sign up for one at the start of the school year. Some play hockey, some soccer, some study English (remember that we're in Quebec, it's a French school, they're learning a second language), which is Andrew's case. He loves it. He probably could have picked karate (he's about to test for his black belt) or football, that is if we'd had let him. He liked English and we strongly believe that it's necessary for him to be able to speak/write in both French and English.

Anyway, as I said, he'd had good grades in his first year last year. Homweorks are a bit more important, but he was doing well. We offered him a used computer for his own room last X-Mas, allowing him a reasonable amount of time with it during the week. Then one week we got a report from his English teacher, written on one of his exams. "Andrew, if you'd paid more attention instead of talking with the other kid, you would have had a better score" and such. Report card came the following week. He used to score in the high 80's in English, he dropped it to 68 for that semester. We were floored. We took away computer privileges during the week, except for specific work. Away went the PS2 during the week too. He's still on a weekend only basis for those two.

Luckily for him, he didn't slam any door. Not too sure what I would have done. Since then, we've been emailing his teacher regularly, monitoring his level of effort in class.

He's not done anything stupid out of class, but I always have the feeling we're so close to one try of pushing the boundaries one 16th of an inch to far. I guess all kids are like that, we probably were.

FM

[JonInMiddleGA]

Originally Posted by FrogMan

I guess all kids are like that, we probably were.

Oh I don't doubt it. Luckily I had parents who were there to put me back on the appropriate side of the line & occasionally paint those lines with safety yellow paint if need be. That's the missing piece of the puzzle these days I guess, too many "best buddies" and not enough "parents". I don't find it mutually exclusive at all that I can absolutely lower the proverbial boom when necessary and still play Fallout 3 with him until 2 am while listening to Metallica & Godsmack. But the boundaries have to be the first priority regardless of the impact on the other stuff. Ultimately he can & will find other people to play games with, listen to music with, etc. but the boundary thing is a primary & essential parental role. My parents knew that, I think I've got a pretty good grasp of that, and hopefully he'll do the same with any eventual grandchildren someday.

[FrogMan]

Originally Posted by JonInMiddleGA

Oh I don't doubt it. Luckily I had parents who were there to put me back on the appropriate side of the line & occasionally paint those lines with safety yellow paint if need be. That's the missing piece of the puzzle these days I guess, too many "best buddies" and not enough "parents". I don't find it mutually exclusive at all that I can absolutely lower the proverbial when necessary and still play Fallout 3 with him until 2 am while listening to Metallica & Godsmack. But the boundaries have to be the first priority regardless of the impact on the other stuff. Ultimately he can & will find other people to play games with, listen to music with, etc. but the boundary thing is a primary & essential parental role. My parents knew that, I think I've got a pretty good grasp of that, and hopefully he'll do the same with any eventual grandchildren someday.

well said. I also feel I was raised in such a way. My dad was my hockey coach for many years and was always tougher on me than on others, yet I knew I could turn to him when I needed him. The line was there though, and I'm sure, I know it made me a better person because of it.

That's always the thing with your kids though, they don't come with an instruction manual. So many things influence his thinking, his growing. In all, it's pretty incredible.

FM

[flere-imsaho]

Originally Posted by JonInMiddleGA

too many "best buddies" and not enough "parents"

The local radio show was discussing this the other morning. My parents were firm but fair. If you knowingly did something wrong there was a clear and unambiguous retribution that would be visited upon you, but at least you always knew where you stood.

My brother & I were pretty good kids, though. Still, sometimes we'd get on our mother's nerves, and her last (and best) resort was to say: "Look, if you two don't straighten out, then when your father comes home I'll have to explain to him how you two behaved." Now, although Dad was certainly the authority of final punishment (i.e. he did the spanking), he rarely had to discipline us and wasn't particularly tough. But the greatest thing about this was the anticipation. The effect on two young boys, whose imaginations ran wild anyway, of what Dad would do when he got home, was tremendous, in spite of the fact that probably 95% of the time Dad didn't need to be told about us and nothing happened anyway. Funny how we never figured that out....

[Qwikshot]

I'm so excited. On June 7th, I fly down to Dallas to retrieve my daughter for the Summer. I haven't seen her since last August. She gets to spend the entire summer with me and my fiance (same thing we did last summer).

I think last summer my daughter didn't realize just how distant it was going to be. She was 7 then, 8 now. Missed the big holidays, missed her birthday (I sent packages). The budget did not allow for me to fly down. Though my parents did in March to spend time with her.

She's going to the same summer camp as last year, it's at my job, so I can stop by for lunches and go on field trips (when work allows). We spend the morning drive together chatting and we spend the evening drive chatting. It's just a fun time for me, because it's now the rare time that I get to spend with her, and it's rare that she spends the time with me full time (no every other weekends).

It's been a hard year with her not being around, and so much has happened in her absence.

Really, it's the only time when I feel my world is complete.

[johnnyshaka]

Originally Posted by flere-imsaho

My brother & I were pretty good kids, though. Still, sometimes we'd get on our mother's nerves, and her last (and best) resort was to say: "Look, if you two don't straighten out, then when your father comes home I'll have to explain to him how you two behaved." Now, although Dad was certainly the authority of final punishment (i.e. he did the spanking), he rarely had to discipline us and wasn't particularly tough. But the greatest thing about this was the anticipation. The effect on two young boys, whose imaginations ran wild anyway, of what Dad would do when he got home, was tremendous, in spite of the fact that probably 95% of the time Dad didn't need to be told about us and nothing happened anyway. Funny how we never figured that out....

My dad was in the military and when my brother and/or I screwed up the first words out of our mouths to mom were: "PLEASE, don't tell dad." It very rarely got to that point but with that "threat" there I know I thought twice about being a moron.

So, like you guys have said, the boundaries need to be there, but, maybe more importantly, the consequences need to be firmly stated and followed through on when necessary. I think this is the part that is lacking these days. And with the traditional spanking now "not allowed" kids are nowhere near as worried about what's going to happen when dad gets home. Somehow losing internet access for the week seems far less severe than a one time spanking from dad.

Spanking needs to be reinstated and quick...my kids are still young enough to "benefit" from the threat!!

[Lorena]

Reading some of your posts reminded me of an article I came across:

Today's tykes: Secure kids or rudest in history? - Kids and parenting- msnbc.com

Yeah too many "buddies" and not enough parents, I agree with Jon. Sometimes I feel like a dictator, but in all fairness to our kids, I think it's pretty balanced, they do have a lot of freedom, but if they cross that line, they're in deep sh!t.

About a month ago, Larissa (our 8 year old) left some toys outside and they got stolen. She was upset but we explained that stuff like that happens if toys don't get taken care of. Fast forward a couple of weeks... she takes her bike outside and I reminded her that if she wasn't gonna use it, it had to put it away. We also have a rule that she's not allowed to go to her friend's house without permission. I go outside and find the bike unattended and she's in her friend's house. Well, needless to say I was pretty upset. I call her out and she immediately knew how busted she was. She brings her bike inside and gets an earful from Ant and I. She knew she was wrong. 2 infractions, 2 weeks groundation period.

[JonInMiddleGA]

And today the end of year report card arrives in the mail.

Let's just say that my son finishes about as well as the Nationals bullpen. Pretty much blew his grade for the year in every subject except math, the one thing that he struggled with most of the year. Turned a near straight-A report card into an almost straight-B year, his worst ever by a wide margin.

B- in Language Arts ain't acceptable when he just copped a 98% and 99% percentile nationally on some damned rigorous standardized tests in the same subject.

The aggravation, erm I mean "joy of parenting", is that he managed to accomplish this by being very selective about which graded papers we saw during the final quarter, keeping just enough of them away from us that we were pretty clueless about what was happening. I'm a bit miffed with some of the teachers for not making us more aware but the responsibility rests mainly with him & us.

Short-term, your final marks in fifth grade don't come up very often later in life. The ramifications have some pretty rough potential though, as he basically demoted himself from the top group of his grade to the bottom group and the difference in how teachers treat those seems to be pretty sharp. He already worked with one strike by not being "old Athens", he got another strike with them by not being there from at least first grade (sucks but that's the reality of it). I'm afraid they'll pretty much have written him off as a lifelong B student & won't bother to push at all after this.

I'm going take a short nap now, my stomach hurts.

[Flasch186]

just found out we'll be having a boy if all goes well on Thanksgiving day!

Heath Allen Flaschen

[PackerFanatic]

Originally Posted by Flasch186

just found out we'll be having a boy if all goes well on Thanksgiving day!

Heath Allen Flaschen

Congrats Flasch! Here's to a happy, healthy pregnancy!

[cubboyroy1826]

Congrats Flasch.

[molson]

That's a pretty awesome name (the three names together). Sounds very powerful and important.

[Barkeep49]

Originally Posted by JonInMiddleGA

He already worked with one strike by not being "old Athens", he got another strike with them by not being there from at least first grade (sucks but that's the reality of it). I'm afraid they'll pretty much have written him off as a lifelong B student & won't bother to push at all after this.

Jon I've lost track. Is your son currently at a public or private school?

[Flasch186]

Originally Posted by molson

That's a pretty awesome name (the three names together). Sounds very powerful and important.

Eh, im hoping he can hit a baseball....far.

thanks though!

[JeeberD]

Originally Posted by Flasch186

just found out we'll be having a boy if all goes well on Thanksgiving day!

Heath Allen Flaschen

What's with the holiday babies? Mine is supposed to be popping out on Christmas Eve...

We still have a good seven weeks before we find out the sex, though. August 6th will be the day of the next sonogram...

[stevew]

I forgot about this thread.

L1 started her period a few months ago. Wasn't expecting this for a few more years. I guess 10 is within a normal range.

Report card, meh. C in spelling, A's and B's elsewhere. Will have to work on that. It's 4th grade though, so I don't think it's necessarily the end of the world or anything.

L2 just completed pre-k. One class, 14 girls, one boy. Pre-K was basically worthless, other than the socialization. Honestly she could probably hang in 1st grade next year if she can refine her pensmanship.

Asked the other day if there was a picture of when Daddy put a baby in mom's belly.

L1 wants to be an artist, L2 a teacher.

sw wants at least one doctor.

[Lorena]

Originally Posted by stevew

L1 started her period a few months ago. Wasn't expecting this for a few more years. I guess 10 is within a normal range

Whoa really? Our 8 year old started wearing deodorant, I wasn't expecting it for a couple more years.

I don't remember my body changing at such a young age.

[JonInMiddleGA]

Originally Posted by Barkeep49

Jon I've lost track. Is your son currently at a public or private school?

Sorry, only saw your question tonight when the thread got bumped. Private, at a school that's the only reason we moved to Athens.

[Flasch186]

Originally Posted by Lorena

Whoa really? Our 8 year old started wearing deodorant, I wasn't expecting it for a couple more years.

I don't remember my body changing at such a young age.

I blame it on the CW (Dawson's Creek)

[Barkeep49]

Originally Posted by stevew

Report card, meh. C in spelling, A's and B's elsewhere. Will have to work on that. It's 4th grade though, so I don't think it's necessarily the end of the world or anything.

Spelling is utterly useless as a subject the way most schools teach it as there are no real demonstrable gains.

[flere-imsaho]

Heh, when I was in 7th grade, I learned that we would be graded on spelling based on the level of our improvement from the initial test through the final test. So I intentionally flunked the initial test so that it would be easy to get a good grade (I was always good at spelling).

[PilotMan]

So it has been a while since I posted here. Our oldest son, now 14, just finished his first year back in public school, after being homeschooled for 3 years. He finished with all A's and B's. In fact, he only had one C in any quarter all year. Not bad considering when we pulled him out, he was a straight C student, at best.

Our other boys, just finished K and 1 at home, and both are going public school for the first time too. Next year is going to be quite a change in our house, with no kids at home during the day.

Mrs. PM still stays at home, but she has another project to work on at least.

[Flasch186]

...and a pre parenthood fight.

She doesnt like the name now, eventhough I love it.

Unfortunately for me, I cant help but let this sap me and now im totally deflated.

[Wolfpack]

First time in a while I have a good story to share, so here goes....

My oldest daughter is now five and old enough to lose her first tooth, which she had been in the process of losing for the last couple of weeks. Tuesday comes around and I get an excited call from my wife while at work that my daughter's tooth had fallen out at last. She wanted to go to some length to make it memorable for my daughter when the tooth fairy visited, so she asked me to go by the bank to get a dollar coin as the payment for the tooth. She also hunted around on the net Tuesday night for a "certificate" that the tooth fairy signed and left for my daughter congratulating her on the feat. So far, so good.

As I'm putting my daughter to bed, I'm laying light hints that the tooth should be placed in such a way that the tooth fairy will have a relatively easy time of retrieving it (implying that I'm not going to have to worry about trying to find a relatively small thing underneath her head without waking her). My wife comes in after I do and tells me that she's put the tooth in the sack of her tooth fairy doll (something my wife found at a sale recently and got since our daughter's tooth was falling out), which was hidden under one of her pillows. Again, so far, so good.

Our bedtime comes, so I grab the coin and the certificate and quietly creep into our daughter's room and feel around under her pillow for the doll and the attached bag with the tooth in it (hoping all the while I don't wake her since her face is resting on the edge of the pillow in question and trying to think of what to say or do if somehow the unthinkable happens). Fortunately, I'm able to find and fish out the tooth and replace it with the coin, which I try to check to make sure was in the doll's bag before leaving. I set the certificate on the nightstand beside her bed and leave. Still going good. Should be interesting to see how she reacts in the morning.

Morning comes and our daughter comes into our room and she's deliriously unhappy with what she's found. She's in tears because she can't find her tooth. She also can't understand why the tooth fairy left her just a measly certificate. This is because the doll was positioned somewhat close to the edge of her bed and must have fallen out between her bed and the nightstand during the night, causing the coin to fall out, so she's completely unaware of the coin. I go and find the coin and show it to her, which starts to help her recover somewhat from what had happened.

I go back and inform my wife what's happened and we spend the next several minutes cracking up because our daughter's first encounter with the tooth fairy nearly left her convinced that the fairy was a con artist. "I can't find my tooth and all I got was this certificate!!"

[Lorena]

Originally Posted by Wolfpack

"I can't find my tooth and all I got was this certificate!!"

That's t-shirt material right there. Nice story Wolfpack.

[Radii]

hah, great story Wolfpack.

[PilotMan]

Really crushed today guys. My wife has been pregnant for the last 11 weeks or so. We have had 4 ultrasounds in the last two weeks and the baby has no heartbeat. My wife will now have a D&C sometime soon. We are terribly disappointed, and hurt.

I feel empty. Luckily I have 3 strong healthy boys to love, and we will try again for #4. This is my wife's 4th miscarriage, but the first one this late into the pregnancy. Just experiencing a lot of hurt right now.

[TonyR]

The wife and I will keep you in our thoughts and prayers PM.
Sad news.

[JonInMiddleGA]

Very sorry to hear this PM. Prayers for, and condolences to, all those affected by this.

[Barkeep49]

That's very sad. You have my best wishes this difficult time.

[PilotMan]

Surgery scheduled for 100p tomorrow. She goes in at 1130a, and I guess will be out for a couple hours. After some time in recovery she gets to come home. It is going to be a lonely day and a long one. Not sure if tomorrow is going to be worse than today was. It has the potential to be. Thanks guys.

[FrogMan]

very sorry to hear this PM, my heart goes out to you. My sister has been battling miscarriages as well and is now about just as pregnant as your wife was and I'm tearing up thinking about it all. She too had the joy of having one baby, my Goddaughter who's now 18 months old, but they so want another one and are so loving.

Best of luck to you and your wife through all of this.

FM

[tarcone]

Sorry to hear PM. I will pray for you.
We went through this about 5 years ago. The surgery really messed up my wifes uterus. So bad that we have been battling excessive bleeding since. She goes into tomorrow for a hysterectomy. Luckily we are done having kids. Not to scare or worry you.

As for my 9 year old daughter, she started liking a boy
What? Wait a minute. That cant be right. Way too young.
I am going to really struggle with the teen years. I hope my daughters do not date anyone like I was in HS and college. Please.

[PilotMan]

Successful surgery today. It was a long day, and I am glad it's over. I am glad that we didn't need to wait long, but I don't want to do it over again. Once the Mrs. heals, hopefully the emotional side can heal.

[Flasch186]

[CamEdwards]

Really sorry to hear about your loss, PM.

[JeeberD]

I'm so sorry, PM...

[chesapeake]

I'm very sorry to read about this, PM, but I am glad that the surgery went well.

FWIW, in the comparative medical dark ages of the 1960s, my mother lost several fetuses to miscarriages and had 2 sons that were born alive but too early to survive. Somehow, after all that, one finally made it long enough to live.

My mother often repeats the story when she has to remind herself that my stubbornness is not entirely a curse.

So as awful as this has been, there is still hope.

[PilotMan]

Thanks guys. I really appreciate the support that I get here. Things have been getting better here. We had our follow up appt with the Dr. today, and of course, we sat in the waiting room with babies all around and the baby show on the tv. They were behind and I got them to turn the tv off at least. That was pretty hard on the Mrs.

The Dr. said that the pathology on the fetus was normal, and that all indications were that it was a normal miscarriage. So that if we want to try again, there isn't anything more that we need to worry about. So that was good news. My wife has been up and down, but hopefully after today we have turned a corner. I have been feeling less down each day, and just happy that I have been on an short leave from work to be with her each day. She has needed me here, so here I am.

We leave for our vacation on Sunday, and that will be a nice break. Gone for 11 days either on the road or at my Dads relaxing. I am hoping that when we come back things will be more back to normal and I we can enjoy the rest of the summer before we deal with school.

On a side note. This is the first year ever that all of our kids are going to be in public school. My wife still stays at home, so being alone will be new. We have homeschooled for the last 4 years. The oldest went last year, and is in 8th, with the little boys going into 1st and 2nd grade. That too, will help our adjustment. Although, I know that my wife was planning on being pregnant instead of not, while the kids were gone during the day.

We shall see. Thanks again. I am here.

[WVUFAN]

Thought I'd set a trend of showing off our children. Here's a picture my amateur photographer fiance took of our son Ian, who turns 1 year old this week:

[Lorena]

Love the pic WVUFan, his eyes really stand out.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

At a friend's house, 8 year old, Larissa handles a snake:



And 5 year old Landon taking a break from writing numbers on wall

[JeeberD]

It's a crappy cell phone pic of a scan of a sono pic, but it's the best I have at the moment. Brendan Alec Eckberg (at 20 weeks) making his FOFC debut...

Edit: Yeesh...sorry about the size.