Kid(s) leaving home - support group

[Edward64]

Thanks, I like each having own lease and amount to pay.

[Ksyrup]

Well it only took 2 weeks but Mack tested positive at school. I don't love the idea, but she's coming home this weekend and isolating in her bedroom to keep her away from her roommates and so she can eat.

This will be the 4th time I've lived with someone with Covid and still haven't gotten it (AFAIK). My streak has got to come to an end at some point.

[Edward64]

Hah. Tell your story to the CDC.

You may have that silver bullet immune system!

[GrantDawg]

It is official. My son is going to be in Japan for spring semester. He applied to three programs, and got into two with the third still yet to make a decision. It doesn't matter because he got his first pick already. He will be in Kyoto staying with a local family. I'm proud of him, glad for him, jealous of him, and scared for him all at the same time.

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[Ksyrup]

Very cool! My kids decided they didn't want to be more than 90 minutes from home (Caitlin even transferred from 4 hours away). My mom's deduction was - you obviously treat your kids way too good if they still want to be that close to you after 18 years.

[flere-imsaho]

Or it's the free laundry thing.

[Edward64]

Originally Posted by GrantDawg

It is official. My son is going to be in Japan for spring semester. He applied to three programs, and got into two with the third still yet to make a decision. It doesn't matter because he got his first pick already. He will be in Kyoto staying with a local family. I'm proud of him, glad for him, jealous of him, and scared for him all at the same time.

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Congrats. What's he studying there?

Is he more of a Ramen or Sushi person?

[Flasch186]

FWIW, my oldest is only 12 going on 13 and I'm absolutely dreading the growth(s) and evolution(s).

[Ksyrup]

Originally Posted by flere-imsaho

Or it's the free laundry thing.

Nah. In fact this weekend Mack was home (picked up our dogs before we flew back home later that day) and she didn't bring her laundry home.

[stevew]

Young L wants to come home every weekend. Older L is on the post college graduation gap year that never ends. I’m a bit tired of parenting at this point.

[sterlingice]

Originally Posted by GrantDawg

It is official. My son is going to be in Japan for spring semester. He applied to three programs, and got into two with the third still yet to make a decision. It doesn't matter because he got his first pick already. He will be in Kyoto staying with a local family. I'm proud of him, glad for him, jealous of him, and scared for him all at the same time.

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That's awesome. My sister did that, too, when in college - around the Kyoto area, as well, iirc. One of my regrets in life was /not/ doing this when I had a chance.

SI

[GrantDawg]

Originally Posted by Edward64

Congrats. What's he studying there?

Is he more of a Ramen or Sushi person?

Both. He is a pretty adventurous eater. I'm not sure if he is going to be "moving tentacle on a stick" adventurous though.

He will be at Doshisha University which is across the street from the Imperial Palace. He is studying the language as well as history, tourism and religion.

[Edward64]

Nice!

I encouraged both kids to do a semester abroad (I would have loved to have done it) but they are not as adventurous.

It will be such a great experience for him. At this stage of his life (and really, any stage of life), experiences > things.

[Edward64]

First real year of son working & living faraway.

We made a call for him to come back during Christmas vs Thanksgiving. It would have been nice for both but, I suspect, those days are long gone.

[Ksyrup]

Regarding holidays and family... it's always something.

When the kids were little, it was a balancing act between my parents and the wife's parents. Until 2006, we lived less than 3 hours from her parents. That meant they saw the kids more often. Then we moved and ended up about the same mileage away from both (700 to 750). But we almost always did vacations with my parents (when we weren't doing sports) because my parents traveled more (versus her parents very rarely at all). So we'd see her parents more often because they would come visit (they retired about 6-8 years before my parents), but we'd do bigger things with my parents. And we usually split Thanksgiving/Christmas.

Now that one kid is done with college and the other is in college, my parents (mom mostly) is struggling with the fact that we won't have our annual vacation together, or that she won't see the girls as often. I told her... neither will we! This is a new phase. So for instance, summer 2023 we're going with just the girls on a road trip to Canada. The last few years, the summer vacation has been with my parents (Arizona, northern Michigan, Moab, and then Hawaii). That's likely not happening again.

AND... my wife's parents moved 30 minutes away from us last year. So I think that's going to become a sore spot again because they'll have way more opportunities to see us and the girls than my parents. To me, it's one of those "shrug the shoulders" type things - they're coming for Thanksgiving, and then again in May when they go to Hilton Head, but other than that... I don't know. I might do a quick long weekend to see them next spring but it'll only be me.

I can just feel the tension building... especially on Christmas when her parents are here and mine are in Texas. Year after year.

EDIT to add - last Christmas wasn't an issue because Caitlin graduated from college a week before Christmas so everyone was here. This will be a first year when her parents are here for all holidays no matter what and my parents aren't. plus no summer vacation.

[Edward64]

Yeah, my parents have passed but I can see the dilemma with 2 sets of grandparents.

Wife and I had always talked about, when the kids have graduated and working, that we would relocate to Dallas area with her parents, and the kids can come to Dallas.

[Ksyrup]

We had the situation of my wife's parents relocating to us, from Florida to Kentucky (!), mainly because they were pissed at living in the same state as their other daughter and son and never seeing them. My parents have talked about moving to Hilton Head - they love it there. That's still a 10 hour drive from me and 4 or 5 from my brother (he's in Ashville). But they don't really want to move.

My brother is completely career-driven and doesn't care to see them more than once or twice a year, for maybe 3-4 days at a time, tops. He won't go visit whether they live in Dallas or Hilton Head and I suspect he'd kill himself if they moved to Ashville. I'm definitely willing to see my parents more often, but without the girls involved, it's less likely to happen. I only have so much time off and the wife and I want to go do stuff in places my parents won't want to go and do things they now struggle to do in their mid-70s. Moab is on my list of places I want to visit a second time because we didn't get to do everything we wanted with my parents on the trip.

Not sure how to resolve it... for 2024, I've already approached my brother about a week in Outer Banks with all of us and he's already coming up with excuses why he can't or it won't work.

[Edward64]

Daughter is driving my 2007 Camry Hybrid at college. The engine light came on. Took it to Toyota Dealership and its the "hybrid system". Failed about 125K+ miles or so. Cost $4,500 to fix.

The inflated value was around $3,800 (there's another Toyota dealership that sent an estimate a couple months ago). We'll fix it so we don't have to buy another car. Figure if the car runs for 12 months, we'll "break even".

Ouch, another unexpected expense.

[Edward64]

Daughter dropped by to do her wash. The house she's renting with 3 others don't have a washer or dryer (I didn't know that).

She brought some dinner from a restaurant that we all like (close by her but not me). Good to see her doing mundane stuff.

(Still hurting from the car repairs though)

[GrantDawg]

My son got to meet the President of Iceland tonight. He will be flying home Friday for my daughter's wedding but going back Sunday. I can't wait to see him.

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[bob]

It is really difficult to watch your kids make poor decisions

[PilotMan]

Yeah, it's stressful and terrifying just worrying about it, let alone to watch them. You have my commiserations.

[Edward64]

Originally Posted by bob

It is really difficult to watch your kids make poor decisions

Haven't quite encountered "really poor" decisions. There was a time when my daughter (approx. 16-17) said she didn't want to go to college and she'll work 3 part-time jobs instead. Thankfully, we talked her out of that. But since then, really not much.

Son's been working, living alone and independent (him on our car insurance policy is the only thing left) for about a year now. No issues there.

Am a little worried about daughter after graduation. She works during the summer, so she understands money that way. But she doesn't understand how much money she'll need to live a good life. She's a sophomore now, so I'll start working on that this summer.

[Edward64]

Originally Posted by GrantDawg

My son got to meet the President of Iceland tonight. He will be flying home Friday for my daughter's wedding but going back Sunday. I can't wait to see him.

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Nice! Did he get a chance to party, flirt, smoke some mary-jane with her?

(Or was that Finland?)

[GrantDawg]

Originally Posted by Edward64

Nice! Did he get a chance to party, flirt, smoke some mary-jane with her?

(Or was that Finland?)

That's Finland. Iceland, interesting enough elects like a Presidential king. He can introduce laws to parliament, create laws when parliament is not in session (though they later have to be ratified by parliament), and can send parliament home. Even though they have had that power since taking over for the King of Iceland in the 1940's, no king has ever used any of those powers.

My daughter got married last night in a sweet but spectacularly error filled event. From having to move the whole service inside 6 minutes before because it started raining, to half the cake being dropped on the floor while trying to put it on the table, it was quite the adventure. Thankfully she took everything in stride, and kept a huge beaming smile all the way through. We did the father/daughter dance to a slower remake of the "Friends" theme. Every-time that show came on when she was little, she would come rushing to me so we could do a silly dance. I got one last silly dance on the dance floor last night. I'm not crying, you are crying.
Simon told me about being able to screen the Weird Al movie hosted by his daughter (who goes to school with him). Weird Al even did a special intro for the event.

[Edward64]

Congrats!

Looking forward to grandkids sometime soon I'm guessing.

[sterlingice]

Originally Posted by Edward64

Congrats!

Looking forward to grandkids sometime soon I'm guessing.

Don't put that pressure on kids

SI

[GrantDawg]

Definitely looking forward, but we are probably looking at a couple of years.

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[Edward64]

Daughter let us know she was applying to study abroad in London. I thought it was like for a semester but it's only for a few weeks in the summer. So, cynically, probably more of a field trip because a teacher(s) wanted to justify an expense paid trip to London.

We've told both kids to take this opportunity to do stuff like this (heck, I would have if family had money back then). Daughter had expressed little interest in overseas study so this was a pleasant surprise.

[GrantDawg]

That will be fun. That's were I would want to go for study abroad opportunity.

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[sterlingice]

Originally Posted by GrantDawg

That will be fun. That's were I would want to go for study abroad opportunity.

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One of my regrets in life is not being in a position to study abroad in college. About the time I was the age to do it, I was stupidly in the process of dropping out of school and when I went back, it was time to get the hell out and

SI

[Edward64]

Daughter came home tonight. Brought dinner, started her wash, we went to vote, came back, put her wash in the dryer, and we ate dinner. Nice way to start the week.

(Line was about 30 min long, not bad at all)

[Edward64]

Both kids home for Christmas.

We had some stocking stuffers for them but primarily cash. They got us, surprisingly, nice presents.

I think something weird is happening ... the kids are now giving more thoughtful presents to the parents than the parents to the kids.

[GrantDawg]

No joke, Edward. My kids also did a great job with presents. It is really sweet. My daughter and her husband came over Christmas night.We all watched "Spirited" together.

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[Lathum]

Originally Posted by Edward64

Both kids home for Christmas.

We had some stocking stuffers for them but primarily cash. They got us, surprisingly, nice presents.

I think something weird is happening ... the kids are now giving more thoughtful presents to the parents than the parents to the kids.

So true. My niece and her boyfriend are 23. Without too much detail she’s 23 and her dad killed himself 20 years ago, so I’m the closest she has to a father. I always just do a gift card. This year for the first time they got us something. They raise bees and they gave us a nice jar of honey and several bees wax candles they made themselves. We were really touched.

[Edward64]

Thanks for sharing. I'm glad I'm not alone in realizing this.

[Ksyrup]

Mackenzie is still home for another 2.5 weeks. She got a job at Dick's and is loving it. It's her first real job (when we weren't traveling for sports (which was most of the time), they mostly did stuff like babysitting and petsitting to make money during high school). She is also doing double-duty petsitting for 3 families and has made an extra $750 on top of working 35 hours a week at Dick's. It's nice to see her excited to make money on her own. Baby steps to independence. I was more worried about her than Caitlin going off to college, but she seems to be doing well.

Caitlin came home but is already back up north preparing for school to start back up. She's still teaching 4th grade and working on her masters.

[Edward64]

GrantDawg, so how's the kid? Trust he made it to Japan just fine and is now exploring and eating good ramen?

(and checking out the women in the cute kimonos)

[GrantDawg]

He finished his second day of orientation yesterday and has been able to explore the city some. It is tomorrow morning there now, so he is getting his home atay orientation and moving in with host family. He did send a picture from Kyoto Tower and the surrounding area. And yes, he said he has blown away by the noodles he has eaten. He also said he shocked how cheap food is there.

Edit: Something I didn't know is the family he is staying with is a good 20-30 minute commute to campus. He will be taking a train in every day.

[JonInMiddleGA]

Originally Posted by GrantDawg

He also said he shocked how cheap food is there.

I'd be surprised if he hasn't done so already, but if not, I'd definitely think some of the Japanese food YouTubers would be a great way to get started with exploring the food landscape. I mean Strictly Dumping alone is a treasure trove but there are quite a few others too, a number of the "Japan by train/ferry" category do a lot with eating. (Abroad In Japan has some stuff but it's sorta mixed into the overall content, aside from the snacks & booze specific vids)

I mean, they're how/why I know what sort of "oh dang this is cheap ... and great" you're talking about.

They're also why I wish to the heavens that convenience store food in the U.S. was anywhere near the caliber of c-store food in Japan

[JonInMiddleGA]

And I guess, while I'm posting in this thread, I should update relevant stuff from here.

Will leaves to return to Miami on Sunday (1/15). Drives straight through, rests on the Monday holiday, classes resume Tuesday.

He's ... uneasy? But the only way to know how he's going to handle being back there alone and in the grind is to do it. There's definitely some PTSD leftover from just how traumatic finishing the April/May semester was for him, and God how I wish he had more of a personal support circle down there ... but it is what it is.

And hell or high water, we'll find ways to get through it.

[thesloppy]

Originally Posted by JonInMiddleGA

a number of the "Japan by train/ferry" category do a lot with eating.

I fell down a hole watching some guy ride empty, overnight ferries in Japan, eating entirely from vending machines. The food looked better than you'd expect.

[JonInMiddleGA]

Originally Posted by thesloppy

I fell down a hole watching some guy ride empty, overnight ferries in Japan, eating entirely from vending machines. The food looked better than you'd expect.

There's at least 3 or 4 of those channels now I think. Pretty sure I watch all of them. Ferries and trains.

[flere-imsaho]

The channels of guys riding trains and even long-distance buses are curiously addictive, especially the ones showing the equivalent of business or first class.

@Jon - hopefully the routine helps by having something else on which to concentrate.

[Lathum]

Originally Posted by flere-imsaho

The channels of guys riding trains and even long-distance buses are curiously addictive, especially the ones showing the equivalent of business or first class.

Link?

I'm always looking for something new to get addicted to

[flere-imsaho]

Solo Solo Travel - YouTube

Travel Alone Idea - YouTube

I don't follow either, specifically or regularly, but they pop up in my feed enough.

[Lathum]

Thanks!

[thesloppy]

Originally Posted by JonInMiddleGA

There's at least 3 or 4 of those channels now I think. Pretty sure I watch all of them. Ferries and trains.

Introvert fuel. I have never had any desire to go on a cruise, but traveling on a silent, empty ferry eating entirely from vending machines apparently appeals deeply to me.

On one of those vids the dude also revealed that most of those ferries had giant 'public baths' that was just a massive empty hot tub with a bank of windows to the ocean...looked awesome (unti some other naked elderly dude wants to share it with you).

[Edward64]

I like these 2 YT channels. I enjoy the mix of different foods (that I would try) and the touristy spots they visit

One Pack Wanderers - YouTube
Lisa and Josh - YouTube

For more food oriented stuff, I also like this guy (2 channels). He eats some truly Andrew Zimmern type stuff but also has interesting Bourdain like conversations.

Best Ever Food Review Show - YouTube
More Best Ever Food Review Show - YouTube

[JonInMiddleGA]

Originally Posted by Lathum

Link?

I'm always looking for something new to get addicted to

The previously mentioned SoloSolo Travel was probably the first one I got hooked on.

Also
I Will Always Travel for Food - YouTube
(he takes trains/ferries/buses and THEN eats lol)

Also
Kuga's Travel - YouTube
(I liked his 2021 Japan stuff, the 2022 European stuff not as much, ymmv)