This Is Kinda Creepy, Isn't It?

[Ksyrup]

N.Y. firefighters leave wives for Sept. 11 widows

December 2, 2003

BY MARCUS WARREN

NEW YORK -- A number of New York firefighters have abandoned their wives after falling for the widows of colleagues killed at the World Trade Center on Sept. 11, it was claimed Monday.

Many of the men were acting as department "liaisons" to comrades' bereaved families when they fell in love with the widows, the New York Post reported.

"It's disgusting, heartbreaking, what they've done," one of the abandoned wives, Mary Koe-nig, told the newspaper. "Not only have these men dishonored their families, they've dishonored the memories of men who are heroes, who were their brothers. It's the department's dirty little secret."

Her husband, Gerry, was assigned as a liaison to Madeline Bergin, the widow of his colleague John Bergin, who was killed on Sept. 11. Koenig began spending all his time with his friend's widow. "My husband rushed to Ground Zero and basically he never came home," said Mary Koenig. "He was a 9/11 survivor but our family died."

Although not officially sanctioned, the tradition of caring for dead colleagues' families has been an unwritten rule in the service for at least 100 years. New York's firemen lost 343 of their colleagues at Ground Zero and have been feted as national heroes ever since. But disclosures about the broken marriages threw new light on the stress in the department after the attacks.

Another spurned wife, Susan Zazulka, denounced her husband, John, for walking out on her and their four children to be with another Sept. 11 widow.

Sources said there had been up to a dozen cases.

"That's what people do -- they rescue people," said psychiatrist Barry Richman. "They see these vulnerable women and see that they've lost their spouses and they step into that role. It activates all of their own rescue fantasies."


Link

[FargoFreez aka fof playa]

Is this the end of the FDNY hat cameos then?

C'ya Guiliani!

edited so as to not offend anyone

[sabotai]

Does anyone feel kid of dirty for calling these guys, who would leave their wives and kids to go after one of their fallen's wife, heroes? I kind of do...

[FBPro]

Saw a piece about it on the news the other day, I'd say we'll get a 60 minutes feature soon.

[FargoFreez aka fof playa]

As dirty as I feel after my business is done with suicidegirls.com for the day.

[Chubby]

actually there's a new hat coming out...

FDNY We'll bang your wife when you die.

[FargoFreez aka fof playa]

Originally posted by Chubby
actually there's a new hat coming out...

FDNY We'll bang your wife when you die.

Oh shit! Zing!

[John Galt]

Originally posted by sabotai
Does anyone feel kid of dirty for calling these guys, who would leave their wives and kids to go after one of their fallen's wife, heroes? I kind of do...

I don't. I can't begin to understand what it is like to have toiled in the ruins of the WTC or lost friends in its collapse. In some ways I guess it is not surprising that you would find a connection to someone else who is linked to the same tragedy.

In a similar vein, has anyone else seen 21 grams? I think tragedy of this magnitude just shapes people in ways you can't control and I don't think the firefighters are any less heroes for it.

[The Afoci]

True swingers do it alive.

[judicial clerk]

Definitely creepy. You know that some of those firefighters who left their wives were probably secretely wishing they had a chance to get together with their buddy's wife and took advantage of the opportunity. Or maybe I am thinking of a Law & Order episode.

[Maple Leafs]

Apparently it's some sort of documented psychological phenomenon. Happened in Oaklahoma City as well.

[judicial clerk]

dola..

I am thinking of Ghost.

[Ksyrup]

Originally posted by John Galt
I don't. I can't begin to understand what it is like to have toiled in the ruins of the WTC or lost friends in its collapse. In some ways I guess it is not surprising that you would find a connection to someone else who is linked to the same tragedy.

In a similar vein, has anyone else seen 21 grams? I think tragedy of this magnitude just shapes people in ways you can't control and I don't think the firefighters are any less heroes for it.

I can understand the psychology behind connecting with someone who was close to a fellow firefighter who was lost that day. I can even buy the "rescuer" argument that the psychologist suggested in the article. What I can't buy is that someone who already has a wife and/or family to take care of, would consciously make the decision to leave them (to be "rescued" by someone else, I suppose). I can understand a single guy falling for a widow under these circumstances, but in no way can I understand or respect someone - even given the circumstances - who could do something like this. [i]Four children?[i] That family is in need of rescuing even more than the widow.

[The Afoci]

The L&O episode was about a guy who killed his side action and dumped her hand in ground zero.

I think that most of these guys who do this were on there way out anyway, but this just accelerated what was going to happen by providing them someone new to connect with.

[John Galt]

Originally posted by Ksyrup
I can understand the psychology behind connecting with someone who was close to a fellow firefighter who was lost that day. I can even buy the "rescuer" argument that the psychologist suggested in the article. What I can't buy is that someone who already has a wife and/or family to take care of, would consciously make the decision to leave them (to be "rescued" by someone else, I suppose). I can understand a single guy falling for a widow under these circumstances, but in no way can I understand or respect someone - even given the circumstances - who could do something like this. [i]Four children?[i] That family is in need of rescuing even more than the widow.

I just think many people are not capable of handling severe tragedy and the experience alters them and they often seek out those who are connected to that same experience. 21 Grams is a great movie and provides a different variation on this theme. It isn't so much that they are abandoning there family, it is that they are no longer the men they were before and they can't go back to they way things were. It has a "creepy" quality, but I think survivors of many great tragedies exhibit similar behaviors because they just can't cope otherwise.

[Ksyrup]

Originally posted by John Galt
I just think many people are not capable of handling severe tragedy and the experience alters them and they often seek out those who are connected to that same experience. 21 Grams is a great movie and provides a different variation on this theme. It isn't so much that they are abandoning there family, it is that they are no longer the men they were before and they can't go back to they way things were. It has a "creepy" quality, but I think survivors of many great tragedies exhibit similar behaviors because they just can't cope otherwise.

I guess. I don't know how it works, and don't want to know from experience. I guess, in a way, this is similar to a happy couple with a child who end up divorced when the child is murdered or otherwise unexpectedly dies. It's hard to continue life "as usual."

[CamEdwards]

it would be creepier if the FDNY guys started dating each other.

Not that there's anything wrong with that.

[judicial clerk]

No, no. there was a law & order where a guy killed his friend, married the widow, yada yada yada the grandmother was sent to prison.

[tucker342]

that is pretty creepy.... But The Afoci is probably right....

[TLK]

Chubby
Rookie

Member ID: 6
Registered: Oct 2000
Location: Rochester, NY
Posts: 911 [0.80/day]
Status: offline
actually there's a new hat coming out...

FDNY We'll bang your wife when you die.

What's kind of creepy is the number of posts Chubby had when he made this post......

[zums]

what about pearl harbor where josh harnett falls for ben afflecks chick after he "dies"

[Travis]

Originally posted by tucker342
that is pretty creepy.... But The Afoci is probably right....

Now how often do you hear that said? That's the really creepy thing.