"Mister Lewis"/"Mister Ben"/"Ben" and other parents...

[korme]

Originally Posted by Ben E Lou

Carter: "Mrs. Johnson, may I pet your doggie, pwease?"
Mrs. Johnson: {to Carter} "Sure, Carter!" {to us, at full volume, while Carter is still standing right there and can hear her} "It's ok if she calls me 'Jane'."

Really??? Seriously???? You're contradicting a clear and obvious parental preference right in front of the child? Maybe that's excusable if she didn't have a 3-year-old and just wasn't thinking, but given that she's doing the same thing we're doing...wow. Or is she that insecure about her age that she can't handle a near-3-year old calling her "Mrs.?" While I find it a bit off-putting when someone else instructs their child to call me "Ben," I'm certainly not going to contradict another parent's wishes (as long as they don't put the other child or my child in danger) right there in front of the parent.

I don't think she's meaning to undermine your way of parenting. In fact, she probably doesn't realize how strict you are and set in your ways about the usage. She probably just figured you/Carter were being polite using the "Mrs. Johnson" moniker, and she's acknowledging that she is more comfortable as Jane. Nothing against what you're trying to do.

That's my take.

[JonInMiddleGA]

Originally Posted by Blackadar

Good point. I have personally witnessed someone introduce themselves to someone of one race/religion as "Bob" and to someone of a different race/religion as "Mr. Smith".

Umm ... huh? This isn't ringing any bells, how does it work?

Same gets the title, diff doesn't (diminishing the outsider)? Or the opposite, where same gets treated as familiar but the outsider is treated with feigned respect?

Genuinely wondering here (just ftr).

[Blackadar]

Originally Posted by JonInMiddleGA

Umm ... huh? This isn't ringing any bells, how does it work?

Same gets the title, diff doesn't (diminishing the outsider)? Or the opposite, where same gets treated as familiar but the outsider is treated with feigned respect?

Genuinely wondering here (just ftr).

You're missing it.

Introducing yourself to a white person - "Hi, I'm Bob."
Introducing yourself to a black person - "Hi, I'm Mr. Smith"

I've seen one of my in-laws do this repeatedly - including to me when we first met 20+ years ago. He's a closet bigot.

[Buccaneer]

What I have experienced and observed (again, particularly in the South), is that if there is a formality, then some sort of a wall or divider exist or implied, however subtle (or otherwise). In other words, there is not a line you should cross to enter into my personal space.

[ISiddiqui]

Originally Posted by Blackadar

We'll differ on that. If you call me Mr. Blackadar in a social setting, I'm going to think you're very socially awkward....or just downright weird.

Especially if you look nothing like Rowan Atkinson.

[Blackadar]

Originally Posted by ISiddiqui

Especially if you look nothing like Rowan Atkinson.

That would be Mr. Blackadder, not Mr. Blackadar.

Sheesh, talk about socially awkward!

[JonInMiddleGA]

Originally Posted by Blackadar

You're missing it.
Introducing yourself to a white person - "Hi, I'm Bob."
Introducing yourself to a black person - "Hi, I'm Mr. Smith"

I get what you're describing now at least (I was picturing 3rd-party introductions previously).

Hmm ... {trying to conjure instances ... pretty much failing}

Honestly the most common I can come up with is
Introducing self to BlackWhiteMrX - "John Smith"

The typical (i.e. commonplace) response would be something like
White Guy X - "Nice to meet you John, I'm Bill Jones"
Black Guy X - "Pleased to meet you Mr. Smith. You can call me Joe"

I won't argue that - given players above a certain age anyway - there's a presumption about the latter's response (and a negative impression made if that isn't met). Then again, there's also a tendency - again age related - for deference to take place even if it's actively discouraged.

There's a specific "Mr JiMG" / "Miss JiMG" example comes to mind no matter how many times we've tried to impress Jon & Mary upon him. For him, it's a matter of preserving a habit that reduces the possibility of conflict if he guesses wrong on how to address somebody. 'Round those parts, nobody gets mad over MrFirstName /MissFirstName.

[JediKooter]

How did my great grandpa get involved in this????

[BrianD]

Originally Posted by Blackadar

We'll differ on that. If you call me Mr. Blackadar in a social setting, I'm going to think you're very socially awkward....or just downright weird.

In most cases that will happen only the first time. Once you say "call me Bob", I will. Just like if anyone calls me Mr. Smith, I'll tell them to call me Brian. There may be a geographic component to this as well. The wall of formality may drop almost immediately, but I like to acknowledge the possibility of it being there...even if demanding that it remain is a good way to show that you probably don't deserve respect.

[JediKooter]

Hey!!!! I'M BRIAN SMITH!! WTF is going on here???

[ISiddiqui]

Freaking racist.

[JediKooter]

I'd never tell Pumpy to call me Mr. Kooter.

[Big Fo]

I didn't know the Mr./Mrs. (first name) thing was somewhat common, I'd only heard it a few times. I'm a lot more to hearing used to either just the first name or Mr/Mrs. (last name).

[CrimsonFox]

Would you prefer "Auntie Jane"?

[JediKooter]

That would just confuse people.

[CU Tiger]

Originally Posted by Big Fo

I didn't know the Mr./Mrs. (first name) thing was somewhat common, I'd only heard it a few times. I'm a lot more to hearing used to either just the first name or Mr/Mrs. (last name).

I remember growing up a friend's aprents were very strict about this.
The dad was Robert, Bob or Mr X...but the mom was Miss Vickie. Calling her Mrs. X would get a stern lecture from both her (in a very polite overly nasal and high pitched Southern bell way) and the dad...I am NOT married to an old woman you WILL call her Miss Vickie or you are free to leave.

I never understood how she was Miss anything....shouldnt it be Mrs?
But anyway that was their weirdness. I still see them occasionally and emphasize Micc Vickie....even to a 65year old...I chuckle inside when I do it.